(no subject)
he didn't care that we rearranged our lives around his maybe-fleeting one. 12 people from all over the country came to see him and he talked about how he couldn't wait until we left. he made my mom cry by being an asshole. there's more to it but the details are exhausting. the person in question is my grandfather though. i saw craig despite reservations. he explained some heartening things to me in his own terms and it helped. but when i got to boston i found a belated reply email that made me think twice and not care that after i called him out on it he stopped talking to me entirely. i'd say i was selfed or i asked for it, but i didn't. i tried to come to peace with someone i've spent too much time loving to waste, which isn't an endeavor to be held in contempt. he'll probably come back again even but i just need to be bigger than this. i need these constant reminders of what i said and how i felt in the first place. unfortunately i can't do it alone and i am a little right now. yeah, i'm missing the one thing i always say i need. i've got delicious food, pbr to remind me of home, penguins, hoots, new friends, my super sweet 16 the movie, the cape, a new apt to look forward to, and a small project to occupy myself with when i return. it falls just short of enough. sometimes i feel terribly irrelevant, and maybe it's just to reassure me that no one will miss me too much when i'm gone. there's never really been a way to decide if that's good or bad. home on friday.