A Frank Conversation on the Meaning of Goldfish
Warning: References to sodomy, incest, impotence, and CAPSLOCK
A/N: This was written with the anon known only as Commander Shepard. It is pure crack.
Refers to the events of Smanie implacabili
"Eames was in possession of many, strapping goldfish
They're very muscular, the Adonises of carp
Glimmering as they pluck sustenance from the world above"
EAMES: IT ISN'T A EUPHEMISM, OKAY PHILLIPA.
PHILLIPA: EAMES WHAT ARE THESE GOLDFISH? WHAT ARE THESE GOLDFISH DOING IN MY VASE? THERE ARE GOLDFISH IN THE BATHTUB, EAMES.
EAMES: THE GOLDFISH AREN'T A METAPHOR, DARLING! THEY HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE.
PHILLIPA: YOU DON'T NEED VIAGRA, DO YOU EAMES? IS THAT WHAT THE GOLDFISH MEAN?
EAMES: WHAT? I FEEL INSULTED. IF NOTHING, MY MANHOOD IS ONE OF THOSE RIVER MONSTERS. DARLING, YOU'RE TOO INDOCTRINATED IN ARTISTIC SYMBOLISM.
PHILLIPA: I HAD A DREAM ABOUT GOLDFISH, EAMES. THEY HAVE TO MEAN SOMETHING. THEY HAVE TO, EAMES!
EAMES: MY GOD, DARLING, YOU'RE AS CRAZY AS YOUR MOTHER.
PHILLIPA: ARTHUR ISN'T MY MOTHER, EAMES.
EAMES: COULD HAVE FOOLED ME, DARLING, HE CERTAINLY TAKES IT UP THE DUFF ENOUGH FROM YOUR FATHER.
PHILLIPA: YOU MUSTN'T NEGLECT THE GOLDFISH. I WROTE MY THESIS ON GOLDFISH, YOU KNOW. I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME. YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR A YOUNGER WOMAN, AREN'T YOU?
EAMES: DARLING, THEY DON'T GROW THEM YOUNGER THAN YOU. THE GOLDFISH ARE NOT A STATEMENT.
PHILLIPA: YOU MIGHT BE INTO LOLITAS--I HAVE CAUSE FOR SUSPICION. EAMES HAVE YOU BEEN GOING ON 4CHAN?
EAMES: DARLING, YOU KNOW I ONLY VISIT SOMETHING AWFUL.
PHILLIPA: OH GOD, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. YOU'RE WAITING FOR A POND. YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE POND WILL TAKE YOU.
EAMES: DARLING, THE POND CAN ONLY TAKE YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POND - LET ME RESTATE, THE GOLDFISH ARE NOT A STATEMENT.
PHILLIPA: ARE YOU GAY EAMES? IT'S OKAY, I UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS TO HAVE AN UNDYING AFFECTION FOR ARTHUR.
EAMES: NO, PHILLIPA, I DO NOT WANT TO BONE YOUR MOTHER.
PHILLIPA: ARTHUR ISN'T MY MOTHER.
EAMES: BUT YOU CALL HIM MUMMY, DARLING.
PHILLIPA: ONLY WHEN I'M DRUNK.
EAMES: THAT'S QUITE OFTEN, DARLING.
PHILLIPA: YOU SHOULD TALK.
EAMES: AT MY AGE IT'S MEDICINAL.
PHILLIPA: DON'T YOU MEAN PALLIATIVE?
EAMES: NO, DARLING, THAT'S WHEN I FUCK YOU IN THE ASS.
PHILLIPA: (I TOLD YOU I DON'T LIKE THAT, EAMES)
EAMES: (I THINK IT MEANS YOU ARE...*GREEK*)
PHILLIPA: (LIKE THE GOLDFISH)
EAMES:(LET THE GOLDFISH ALONE, PHILLIPA.)
PHILLIPA: IF I'M NOT GIVING YOU WHAT YOU NEED, EAMES, I SUPPOSE MUMMY AND I COULD HAVE A THREEWAY WITH YOU.
EAMES: I'M NOT INTO INCEST, DARLING.
PHILLIPA: WE AREN'T ACTUALLY RELATED, EAMES. IT'S NOT LIKE THAT BETWEEN US.
EAMES: I STILL FAIL TO SEE HOW IT SOLVE ANYTHING.
PHILLIPA: YOU DON'T THINK I'M BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH FOR POLYGAMY. I UNDERSTAND. I'LL JUST LET YOU AND THE GOLDFISH BE.
[EXUENT PHILLIPA IN A HUFF. EAMES STOOPS TO WATCH A GOLDFISH IN A WATER PITCHER.]
EAMES: YOU WOULD BE LOWER MAINTENANCE, I SUPPOSE...
A/N: This was written with the anon known only as Commander Shepard. It is pure crack.
Refers to the events of Smanie implacabili
"Eames was in possession of many, strapping goldfish
They're very muscular, the Adonises of carp
Glimmering as they pluck sustenance from the world above"
EAMES: IT ISN'T A EUPHEMISM, OKAY PHILLIPA.
PHILLIPA: EAMES WHAT ARE THESE GOLDFISH? WHAT ARE THESE GOLDFISH DOING IN MY VASE? THERE ARE GOLDFISH IN THE BATHTUB, EAMES.
EAMES: THE GOLDFISH AREN'T A METAPHOR, DARLING! THEY HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE.
PHILLIPA: YOU DON'T NEED VIAGRA, DO YOU EAMES? IS THAT WHAT THE GOLDFISH MEAN?
EAMES: WHAT? I FEEL INSULTED. IF NOTHING, MY MANHOOD IS ONE OF THOSE RIVER MONSTERS. DARLING, YOU'RE TOO INDOCTRINATED IN ARTISTIC SYMBOLISM.
PHILLIPA: I HAD A DREAM ABOUT GOLDFISH, EAMES. THEY HAVE TO MEAN SOMETHING. THEY HAVE TO, EAMES!
EAMES: MY GOD, DARLING, YOU'RE AS CRAZY AS YOUR MOTHER.
PHILLIPA: ARTHUR ISN'T MY MOTHER, EAMES.
EAMES: COULD HAVE FOOLED ME, DARLING, HE CERTAINLY TAKES IT UP THE DUFF ENOUGH FROM YOUR FATHER.
PHILLIPA: YOU MUSTN'T NEGLECT THE GOLDFISH. I WROTE MY THESIS ON GOLDFISH, YOU KNOW. I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME. YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR A YOUNGER WOMAN, AREN'T YOU?
EAMES: DARLING, THEY DON'T GROW THEM YOUNGER THAN YOU. THE GOLDFISH ARE NOT A STATEMENT.
PHILLIPA: YOU MIGHT BE INTO LOLITAS--I HAVE CAUSE FOR SUSPICION. EAMES HAVE YOU BEEN GOING ON 4CHAN?
EAMES: DARLING, YOU KNOW I ONLY VISIT SOMETHING AWFUL.
PHILLIPA: OH GOD, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. YOU'RE WAITING FOR A POND. YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE POND WILL TAKE YOU.
EAMES: DARLING, THE POND CAN ONLY TAKE YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POND - LET ME RESTATE, THE GOLDFISH ARE NOT A STATEMENT.
PHILLIPA: ARE YOU GAY EAMES? IT'S OKAY, I UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS TO HAVE AN UNDYING AFFECTION FOR ARTHUR.
EAMES: NO, PHILLIPA, I DO NOT WANT TO BONE YOUR MOTHER.
PHILLIPA: ARTHUR ISN'T MY MOTHER.
EAMES: BUT YOU CALL HIM MUMMY, DARLING.
PHILLIPA: ONLY WHEN I'M DRUNK.
EAMES: THAT'S QUITE OFTEN, DARLING.
PHILLIPA: YOU SHOULD TALK.
EAMES: AT MY AGE IT'S MEDICINAL.
PHILLIPA: DON'T YOU MEAN PALLIATIVE?
EAMES: NO, DARLING, THAT'S WHEN I FUCK YOU IN THE ASS.
PHILLIPA: (I TOLD YOU I DON'T LIKE THAT, EAMES)
EAMES: (I THINK IT MEANS YOU ARE...*GREEK*)
PHILLIPA: (LIKE THE GOLDFISH)
EAMES:(LET THE GOLDFISH ALONE, PHILLIPA.)
PHILLIPA: IF I'M NOT GIVING YOU WHAT YOU NEED, EAMES, I SUPPOSE MUMMY AND I COULD HAVE A THREEWAY WITH YOU.
EAMES: I'M NOT INTO INCEST, DARLING.
PHILLIPA: WE AREN'T ACTUALLY RELATED, EAMES. IT'S NOT LIKE THAT BETWEEN US.
EAMES: I STILL FAIL TO SEE HOW IT SOLVE ANYTHING.
PHILLIPA: YOU DON'T THINK I'M BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH FOR POLYGAMY. I UNDERSTAND. I'LL JUST LET YOU AND THE GOLDFISH BE.
[EXUENT PHILLIPA IN A HUFF. EAMES STOOPS TO WATCH A GOLDFISH IN A WATER PITCHER.]
EAMES: YOU WOULD BE LOWER MAINTENANCE, I SUPPOSE...