[Fic] Suits You Sire - for such_heights
Title: Suits You Sire
Author: Anonymous
Recipient: such_heights
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Arthur/Merlin/Morgana/Gwen OT4
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: One very vague and fleeting season two spoiler.
Rating: Hard R.
Word Count: ~3000
Summary: In which hats are fashionable, Arthur is stressed out, and Merlin has magic hands.
Author's Note: I basically took ‘OT4’, ‘hats’ and ‘humour’ and ran with them. >_> Hopefully it is alright. Beta’d by 'G'
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction - none of this ever happened. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is made from this work. Please observe your local laws with regards to the age-limit and content of this work.
Merlin, with his typical grace and refinement, blundered into Morgana’s room at eight-ish one evening.
“Knocking, Merlin,” said Morgana, without looking away from her mirror. “What’s your excuse this time?” She was wearing a large velvet hat that flopped down to her ears. Merlin thought it looked rather ridiculous, but it was Morgana, so he’d never say so. Instead, he turned to Gwen and gave her a look which was supposed to say what the hell is that thing on her head? Gwen responded with a shrug and a little smile and a roll of her eyes, so evidently she’d understood (he thought sometimes that he and Gwen were strangely in tune with each other. Possibly too in tune).
“Be quiet, both of you,” Morgana ordered, turning her head this way and that to examine her reflection. “I’ll have you know that hats are in this season.”
Possibly he and Morgana were too much in tune as well.
“Besides,” she went on. “You can’t talk.”
“That was Arthur’s fault, not mine,” he said. And then, of course, he finally remembered why he was there. “Oh, yeah, he asked me to give you this.”
He held out a note to her. Gwen sidled over and took it.
“Mm-hmm?” said Morgana. She twisted her head one last time, then discarded the hat and held out a hand for the note. There was a small pile building up near her chair. As she unfolded the paper, he wandered over to retrieve a particularly brightly-coloured specimen. It turned out to be bedecked with blue and orange silk flowers.
“You should try it on,” Gwen suggested, as he stared at it, brow furrowing. “It’d suit you. I mean, not that I think you’d look good in woman’s clothing. Or woman’s hats. I don’t doubt your manhood at all, really. Not that - well, I don’t think about that kind of thing at all really - your manhood - well -”
Merlin waited for her to pause for breath, then grinned, and donned the hat.
“I think it suits me too,” he said, peering at himself over Morgana’s shoulder.
“Keep it,” said Morgana. “It made me look ridiculous.”
“Nothing makes you look ridiculous,” he told her. She smiled, murmured thanks.
Gwen appeared beside them with the next hat.
“So, what’s this for?” Merlin asked, flopping down in a chair as if he owned it.
“The banquet,” said Gwen.
“Next week,” said Morgana.
“You plan your outfits that far in advance?” Merlin asked.
Morgana just smiled, and waved the note at him. “You can tell Arthur that I shall dress how I like and his knights will just have to learn to be less easily distracted,” She threw the note down on her dressing table and began to pat her hair back into shape.
“Oh, is that what it’s about?” said Merlin. “I did wonder.”
“Mm-hmm,” Morgana nodded. She put on the next hat and began to admire herself. “I like this one. What do you think?”
“S’nice,” Merlin remarked. He slipped his own hat off, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. Like an intruder.
And Gwen must have noticed - again, they were far too in tune with each other! - because she walked over, took the hat, and smiled kindly down at him. He smiled back.
She put the hat on, and turned to admire herself in the mirror, strings of bright flowers tangling with her hair.
“I think it looks better on you than me,” Merlin told her.
“Oh, really? Thank you!” Gwen said, with far too much sincerity. Merlin had to smother a laugh.
Then a hat hit him in the face. “Here,” said Morgana. “Try that one on, Merlin.”
“Alright,” Merlin swallowed. It was the floppy black velvet thing she’d been wearing when he arrived.
And then, of course, just as he was standing in front of the mirror peering curiously at his reflection from beneath the velvety brim, the door banged open behind him.
“Merlin!” came a shout. “Honestly, Merlin, I said just drop off the note and come straight back, what’s taking so long?” Arthur stopped dead just inside the doorway.
“And what on earth is that thing on your head?”
Merlin slipped the hat off and smiled sheepishly. “It’s a hat.”
“I can see that, Merlin,” said Arthur.
“It’s a hat,” Merlin repeated. “And Morgana said she’ll dress how she likes and your knights will just have to learn to be less easily distracted.”
Morgana and Gwen both collapsed into giggles behind him. Arthur pointed at him with a furiously gesturing outstretched finger.
“That,” he said. “Was my private correspondence! How dare you - ”
“I told him, Arthur,” Morgana informed him, as she arranged her hair beneath a purple hat.
“Oh,” said Arthur. “Well - fine!” He turned as if to leave, but instead slammed the door shut and wheeled upon her. “Fine!” he snapped. “I don’t know how you can be so open about dressing so - indecently -”
“It’s summer, Arthur,” said Morgana, at the same time as Merlin said:
“I don’t think she’s indecent.”
“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur snarled. He turned to Morgana. “And you - you were doing it on purpose, I know you were!” He rounded on Gwen. “And you - stop giggling!”
Merlin decided that he had had enough. He ambled across to Arthur and began to arrange the black velvet hat on his head as quickly as he could. He leapt back to admire the results, coincidentally avoiding Arthur’s arm as it swung around to swat him away.
“What the hell was that for?” Arthur demanded.
“Vengeance,” Merlin said. “For that time.”
“Oh, now there’s a thought,” remarked Morgana, turning to face them. “What happened to that hat? I rather liked it.”
Arthur and Merlin stared at her, incredulous.
“Are you all very drunk?” said Arthur. “Is that what this is?”
“Sober as a judge,” promised Merlin. Arthur turned to glare at him. He grinned back.
“Honest!”
“I hardly ever drink, your Highness,” Gwen told him, with a shy smile.
“Honestly, Arthur,” said Morgana. “It’s not even dinner time yet.”
“Why are you still wearing that hat?” Merlin asked, with a frown.
Arthur gaped. “Why am I still wearing this hat?” he cried, and ripped it off. He gestured with it emphatically as he spoke. “Merlin, get back to work right now. And as for you two - stop giggling!”
“Stop holding my hat like that,” retorted Morgana. “You’ll crease it.”
“It’s a stupid hat anyway,” Arthur said, tossing it to Merlin.
“Suits you, though,” said Merlin. Arthur glared. “…Sire.”
Arthur continued to glare. Merlin very, very carefully set the hat down on the dressing table and backed away. “It does suit you,” he muttered, which did nothing to abate Arthur’s glare.
“You,” said Arthur, as soon as he felt ready to stop glaring. “Are going to come back with me at once and help me dress for dinner. And you -” He turned to Morgana. “I hope you - just you think about that note! You can’t keep disrupting my practice sessions like that. You could jeopardise the whole -” He sighed and threw up his hands. “I give up,” he said. He took Merlin by the arm and dragged him towards the door. Behind him, Gwen and Morgana started to giggle again. “I mean that!” He said without turning around.
Merlin mouthed ‘sorry!’ at them over his shoulder as he was dragged out the door.
*
A few hours later, while Merlin was putting Arthur’s jacket away in the wardrobe, the door opened suddenly behind him.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Arthur exclaimed, and Merlin tensed up, just in case he was talking to him rather than the intruder. He turned around.
“Well, seeing as you paid me a visit earlier, I thought I’d return the favour,” Morgana remarked, with her sweetest smile.
“I could have been undressing!” said Arthur.
“You are undressing,” Merlin pointed out, motioning towards the jacket.
“I am undressing!” Arthur repeated triumphantly.
“Well, you’re decent,” said Morgana. “Fortunately for me.”
Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. “Wait, what?” he managed, eventually. “What’s wrong with seeing me -”
“I just meant that it would damage my maidenly virtue,” Morgana breezed past him into the room. Arthur took his head in his hands.
“Look,” he said. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, Morgana. I only came into your room to find Merlin, you don’t have -”
“How do you know I’m not looking for Gwen?” Morgana interrupted.
“Why would Gwen be here?” Arthur demanded.
Merlin couldn’t hold back a short laugh. They both turned to look at him. “I didn’t say anything,” he said, turning away to adjust the jacket slightly and close the wardrobe door.
“What was that all about?” asked Morgana. Arthur looked from her to Merlin and back again, rendered temporarily speechless.
“Nothing,” said Merlin with a smile as he turned back to face them. “Nothing at all, my lady.” He wandered over to the table and sank down into Arthur’s favourite chair.
“Get out of my chair!” snapped Arthur. Merlin leapt up as if the seat was red-hot, then settled himself in a different chair. Arthur rolled his eyes. “Perhaps it would be polite if you were to give the Lady Morgana a chair?” he suggested, as if talking to a child.
“Oh!” said Merlin. He leapt up again. “But I thought she wasn’t staying?”
“Yes… well… just give her a chair!” Arthur waved a hand.
Morgana gave Merlin a little smirk as he drew a chair out for her. “Thank you,” she said, settling herself at the table.
And then there was silence. It lasted for several minutes. Just as Merlin opened his mouth to break it, there came a soft knock at the door.
Arthur let out a sigh. “Come in,” he said.
Gwen stumbled into the room, clutching a jug of wine in both hands. “Sire,” she said, curtsying to Arthur. She turned to Morgana. “I’m sorry, milady, it took me a little while to -”
“Whoa, whoa,” said Arthur, holding up a hand to silence her. “I thought you were lost?”
“Oh, no, sire,” said Gwen. “I know exactly where I am. I can find my way around the castle, you know.”
Arthur glared at Morgana. She smirked back. “I never said she was lost,” she said. “I just said you didn’t know she wasn’t.” She leapt out of her chair and took the jug from
Gwen. “Wine?”
“What’s this all about?” Arthur folded his arms.
“We’ve just been thinking,” said Morgana. “Me and Gwen. You seemed so tense earlier. We think you need to wind down a bit.”
“That’s a good point, actually,” Merlin remarked. “I’m liking this plan.”
“Therefore it cannot possibly be a good one,” said Arthur, snatching the jug for Morgana. Some of the wine slopped out onto the floor.
“Oi! Watch it!” said Merlin. “I’ll have to clean that up now!”
“Tough,” said Arthur. The jug tilted again, just enough to drip more wine on the floor. Merlin’s mouth fell open, appalled.
“See what I mean?” Morgana asked. “You’re much too stressed. You need to relax for a while.”
“I’d be able to relax much better if you weren’t here being so - ” Arthur broke off. Gwen had taken the wine jug out of his hands, and now Morgana was leading him towards his favourite chair.
Merlin scrambled to his feet and fluffed up the cushion for him with a grin. “Oh, don’t you start as well!” said Arthur. He sank down into the chair.
“Arthur, just relax,” said Morgana. “We’ll look after you.”
“I don’t need looking after!” snapped Arthur.
“Everyone needs looking after some time, sire,” said Gwen, resting a hand on the back of his chair.
“Now have some wine,” said Morgana, motioning for Gwen to start pouring it out.
“And relax.” Arthur took a cup grudgingly. “Maybe Merlin could give you a neck rub.”
Arthur choked on his wine. “I draw the line at that!”
*
“Mmmm,” Arthur moaned, two hours and numerous cups of wine later. “Merlin, you have magic hands.”
Merlin froze for a moment, the m-word cutting through the rosy haze of alcohol, but Arthur started to make impatient noises, so he resumed rubbing. “One of my many talents,” he said.
“I’ve yet to see any others,” said Arthur, slumping down further in his chair. On the other side of the room, one of the girls giggled.
“Well, maybe you’re not looking,” said Merlin, crouching down a little to stay at the right level. On some deranged impulse, he pressed a quick kiss to Arthur’s ear. The prince laughed.
“You’re very strange,” he said. “Very - very…” he trailed off and frowned. Yet more giggling was emanating from the other side of the room. “What are you two doing?” he demanded, twisting round in his seat. Merlin twisted to follow him, and ended up half-slumped over the arm of his chair. But he didn’t much care right now.
“Making plans,” said Morgana.
“Plans for what?” asked Arthur.
“Ways to liven things up,” Morgana said.
“Any good ideas?” Arthur raised his eyebrows. Merlin reached up and patted at the back of his neck.
“Well,” Gwen said slowly. “We did have one.” She looked coyly at Morgana, then broke down giggling again.
“Shall we show them?” Morgana asked, through her laughter.
“Go on, then,” Gwen shrugged. She rested a hand on Morgana’s knee. Morgana looped an arm around her waist.
And then, quite suddenly, they were kissing. Very, very enthusiastically. On the other side of the room. After a long, long moment, Merlin fell off his chair.
Arthur burst out laughing. “You have terrible balance!”
“Why is that funny?” Merlin asked, blinking up at Arthur. His hair was in his eyes, but he couldn’t be bothered to brush it out.
“It just is,” said Arthur. “Now, c’mon.” And with that he reached down, grabbed Merlin around the waist - he let out a rather embarrassing squeaky noise at that, because he was very ticklish - and began to half carry, half drag him across the room.
Merlin squeaked again. “But where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” said Arthur. He threw Merlin down on the bed, knocking all the air out of him, and glared at his feet. “Take your shoes off. Gods knows where they’ve been.”
“Wha’?” Merlin blinked.
“We’ve got him all hot and bothered,” said Morgana, as she crossed the room.
“Clearly,” agreed Gwen.
“Help me off with my dress, will you?” said Morgana, turning around.
Merlin watched open-mouthed as Gwen unlaced Morgana’s bodice, then kicked off his shoes, sat up, and reached for Arthur’s breeches.
“Hey!” said Arthur.
But before he could reach down to swat his manservant’s hands away, Morgana was behind him, dress slipping down her shoulders, tugging at her shirt. “Off,” she said, as Merlin’s magic fingers unlaced his breeches. Gwen perched herself on the bed next to him and began to untie his neckscarf.
“Wait,” said Arthur. “All of us?” Morgana pulled his shirt over his head. “At once?”
“I don’t see why not,” she said.
“It sounds like fun,” said Gwen.
Arthur’s breeches were abruptly round his ankles. “Oh,” he said. “Well, alright, then.” He stepped out of his breeches and onto the bed, straddling Merlin. “That does sound like fun.” Then he stuck his tongue down his manservant’s throat.
Merlin let out a surprised, muffled yelp, but seemed to grow accustomed to it quite quickly. Arthur pushed his jacket down his shoulders - he was vaguely aware of Gwen helping him, but he was rather distracted - then reached for the bottom of his shirt. He heard a soft noise behind him, like cloth hitting the floor, but didn’t pay it any heed till he felt soft, smooth skin up against his.
Morgana was naked. He broke the kiss at once, turned his head, and took a good, long, approving look.
“Nice,” said Merlin. Morgana reached for the laces of his breeches. He grinned.
“Your turn,” said Arthur to Gwen, crawling off Merlin. “C’mon. Get naked.” Gwen blushed. “Come on!”
And after that, it only took a few slightly awkward fumblings and re-positioning before they were gloriously tangled up in his bed. Arthur wasn’t quite sure whose limbs were whose any more - that was definitely Gwen’s leg there, because it was browner than the others, but beyond that it was so hard to tell, and don’t even get him started on whose lips were whose.
Thankfully, he was distracted from the confusing state of affairs a moment later when someone - he suspected Merlin - wrapped their mouth around his cock and sucked until he came with a yell and a jerk of his hips.
*
Merlin was woken up the next morning by a sharp elbow to the ribs.
“Wha’?” he groaned.
“I’m awake and I’m not suffering alone,” said Arthur, elbowing him again. “Open your eyes, you lazy lump.”
Merlin groaned and buried his face in the pillows. “No. I think I’m half dead.”
The prince just elbowed him again. “Wake up!” he ordered, rather too loudly. Merlin clutched at his throbbing head.
“Arthur,” Morgana mumbled from the other end of the bed. “Go back to sleep.” Gwen moaned her agreement.
“You do realise,” yawned Arthur. “That this is my bed and I could throw you all out at any time?”
“Shut up,” said Merlin.
“You love having us here,” Morgana told him.
Silence. Arthur slumped back down against the pillows. “Alright,” he said. “Maybe a little."
Merlin smiled.
Author: Anonymous
Recipient: such_heights
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Arthur/Merlin/Morgana/Gwen OT4
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: One very vague and fleeting season two spoiler.
Rating: Hard R.
Word Count: ~3000
Summary: In which hats are fashionable, Arthur is stressed out, and Merlin has magic hands.
Author's Note: I basically took ‘OT4’, ‘hats’ and ‘humour’ and ran with them. >_> Hopefully it is alright. Beta’d by 'G'
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction - none of this ever happened. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is made from this work. Please observe your local laws with regards to the age-limit and content of this work.
Merlin, with his typical grace and refinement, blundered into Morgana’s room at eight-ish one evening.
“Knocking, Merlin,” said Morgana, without looking away from her mirror. “What’s your excuse this time?” She was wearing a large velvet hat that flopped down to her ears. Merlin thought it looked rather ridiculous, but it was Morgana, so he’d never say so. Instead, he turned to Gwen and gave her a look which was supposed to say what the hell is that thing on her head? Gwen responded with a shrug and a little smile and a roll of her eyes, so evidently she’d understood (he thought sometimes that he and Gwen were strangely in tune with each other. Possibly too in tune).
“Be quiet, both of you,” Morgana ordered, turning her head this way and that to examine her reflection. “I’ll have you know that hats are in this season.”
Possibly he and Morgana were too much in tune as well.
“Besides,” she went on. “You can’t talk.”
“That was Arthur’s fault, not mine,” he said. And then, of course, he finally remembered why he was there. “Oh, yeah, he asked me to give you this.”
He held out a note to her. Gwen sidled over and took it.
“Mm-hmm?” said Morgana. She twisted her head one last time, then discarded the hat and held out a hand for the note. There was a small pile building up near her chair. As she unfolded the paper, he wandered over to retrieve a particularly brightly-coloured specimen. It turned out to be bedecked with blue and orange silk flowers.
“You should try it on,” Gwen suggested, as he stared at it, brow furrowing. “It’d suit you. I mean, not that I think you’d look good in woman’s clothing. Or woman’s hats. I don’t doubt your manhood at all, really. Not that - well, I don’t think about that kind of thing at all really - your manhood - well -”
Merlin waited for her to pause for breath, then grinned, and donned the hat.
“I think it suits me too,” he said, peering at himself over Morgana’s shoulder.
“Keep it,” said Morgana. “It made me look ridiculous.”
“Nothing makes you look ridiculous,” he told her. She smiled, murmured thanks.
Gwen appeared beside them with the next hat.
“So, what’s this for?” Merlin asked, flopping down in a chair as if he owned it.
“The banquet,” said Gwen.
“Next week,” said Morgana.
“You plan your outfits that far in advance?” Merlin asked.
Morgana just smiled, and waved the note at him. “You can tell Arthur that I shall dress how I like and his knights will just have to learn to be less easily distracted,” She threw the note down on her dressing table and began to pat her hair back into shape.
“Oh, is that what it’s about?” said Merlin. “I did wonder.”
“Mm-hmm,” Morgana nodded. She put on the next hat and began to admire herself. “I like this one. What do you think?”
“S’nice,” Merlin remarked. He slipped his own hat off, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. Like an intruder.
And Gwen must have noticed - again, they were far too in tune with each other! - because she walked over, took the hat, and smiled kindly down at him. He smiled back.
She put the hat on, and turned to admire herself in the mirror, strings of bright flowers tangling with her hair.
“I think it looks better on you than me,” Merlin told her.
“Oh, really? Thank you!” Gwen said, with far too much sincerity. Merlin had to smother a laugh.
Then a hat hit him in the face. “Here,” said Morgana. “Try that one on, Merlin.”
“Alright,” Merlin swallowed. It was the floppy black velvet thing she’d been wearing when he arrived.
And then, of course, just as he was standing in front of the mirror peering curiously at his reflection from beneath the velvety brim, the door banged open behind him.
“Merlin!” came a shout. “Honestly, Merlin, I said just drop off the note and come straight back, what’s taking so long?” Arthur stopped dead just inside the doorway.
“And what on earth is that thing on your head?”
Merlin slipped the hat off and smiled sheepishly. “It’s a hat.”
“I can see that, Merlin,” said Arthur.
“It’s a hat,” Merlin repeated. “And Morgana said she’ll dress how she likes and your knights will just have to learn to be less easily distracted.”
Morgana and Gwen both collapsed into giggles behind him. Arthur pointed at him with a furiously gesturing outstretched finger.
“That,” he said. “Was my private correspondence! How dare you - ”
“I told him, Arthur,” Morgana informed him, as she arranged her hair beneath a purple hat.
“Oh,” said Arthur. “Well - fine!” He turned as if to leave, but instead slammed the door shut and wheeled upon her. “Fine!” he snapped. “I don’t know how you can be so open about dressing so - indecently -”
“It’s summer, Arthur,” said Morgana, at the same time as Merlin said:
“I don’t think she’s indecent.”
“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur snarled. He turned to Morgana. “And you - you were doing it on purpose, I know you were!” He rounded on Gwen. “And you - stop giggling!”
Merlin decided that he had had enough. He ambled across to Arthur and began to arrange the black velvet hat on his head as quickly as he could. He leapt back to admire the results, coincidentally avoiding Arthur’s arm as it swung around to swat him away.
“What the hell was that for?” Arthur demanded.
“Vengeance,” Merlin said. “For that time.”
“Oh, now there’s a thought,” remarked Morgana, turning to face them. “What happened to that hat? I rather liked it.”
Arthur and Merlin stared at her, incredulous.
“Are you all very drunk?” said Arthur. “Is that what this is?”
“Sober as a judge,” promised Merlin. Arthur turned to glare at him. He grinned back.
“Honest!”
“I hardly ever drink, your Highness,” Gwen told him, with a shy smile.
“Honestly, Arthur,” said Morgana. “It’s not even dinner time yet.”
“Why are you still wearing that hat?” Merlin asked, with a frown.
Arthur gaped. “Why am I still wearing this hat?” he cried, and ripped it off. He gestured with it emphatically as he spoke. “Merlin, get back to work right now. And as for you two - stop giggling!”
“Stop holding my hat like that,” retorted Morgana. “You’ll crease it.”
“It’s a stupid hat anyway,” Arthur said, tossing it to Merlin.
“Suits you, though,” said Merlin. Arthur glared. “…Sire.”
Arthur continued to glare. Merlin very, very carefully set the hat down on the dressing table and backed away. “It does suit you,” he muttered, which did nothing to abate Arthur’s glare.
“You,” said Arthur, as soon as he felt ready to stop glaring. “Are going to come back with me at once and help me dress for dinner. And you -” He turned to Morgana. “I hope you - just you think about that note! You can’t keep disrupting my practice sessions like that. You could jeopardise the whole -” He sighed and threw up his hands. “I give up,” he said. He took Merlin by the arm and dragged him towards the door. Behind him, Gwen and Morgana started to giggle again. “I mean that!” He said without turning around.
Merlin mouthed ‘sorry!’ at them over his shoulder as he was dragged out the door.
*
A few hours later, while Merlin was putting Arthur’s jacket away in the wardrobe, the door opened suddenly behind him.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Arthur exclaimed, and Merlin tensed up, just in case he was talking to him rather than the intruder. He turned around.
“Well, seeing as you paid me a visit earlier, I thought I’d return the favour,” Morgana remarked, with her sweetest smile.
“I could have been undressing!” said Arthur.
“You are undressing,” Merlin pointed out, motioning towards the jacket.
“I am undressing!” Arthur repeated triumphantly.
“Well, you’re decent,” said Morgana. “Fortunately for me.”
Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. “Wait, what?” he managed, eventually. “What’s wrong with seeing me -”
“I just meant that it would damage my maidenly virtue,” Morgana breezed past him into the room. Arthur took his head in his hands.
“Look,” he said. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, Morgana. I only came into your room to find Merlin, you don’t have -”
“How do you know I’m not looking for Gwen?” Morgana interrupted.
“Why would Gwen be here?” Arthur demanded.
Merlin couldn’t hold back a short laugh. They both turned to look at him. “I didn’t say anything,” he said, turning away to adjust the jacket slightly and close the wardrobe door.
“What was that all about?” asked Morgana. Arthur looked from her to Merlin and back again, rendered temporarily speechless.
“Nothing,” said Merlin with a smile as he turned back to face them. “Nothing at all, my lady.” He wandered over to the table and sank down into Arthur’s favourite chair.
“Get out of my chair!” snapped Arthur. Merlin leapt up as if the seat was red-hot, then settled himself in a different chair. Arthur rolled his eyes. “Perhaps it would be polite if you were to give the Lady Morgana a chair?” he suggested, as if talking to a child.
“Oh!” said Merlin. He leapt up again. “But I thought she wasn’t staying?”
“Yes… well… just give her a chair!” Arthur waved a hand.
Morgana gave Merlin a little smirk as he drew a chair out for her. “Thank you,” she said, settling herself at the table.
And then there was silence. It lasted for several minutes. Just as Merlin opened his mouth to break it, there came a soft knock at the door.
Arthur let out a sigh. “Come in,” he said.
Gwen stumbled into the room, clutching a jug of wine in both hands. “Sire,” she said, curtsying to Arthur. She turned to Morgana. “I’m sorry, milady, it took me a little while to -”
“Whoa, whoa,” said Arthur, holding up a hand to silence her. “I thought you were lost?”
“Oh, no, sire,” said Gwen. “I know exactly where I am. I can find my way around the castle, you know.”
Arthur glared at Morgana. She smirked back. “I never said she was lost,” she said. “I just said you didn’t know she wasn’t.” She leapt out of her chair and took the jug from
Gwen. “Wine?”
“What’s this all about?” Arthur folded his arms.
“We’ve just been thinking,” said Morgana. “Me and Gwen. You seemed so tense earlier. We think you need to wind down a bit.”
“That’s a good point, actually,” Merlin remarked. “I’m liking this plan.”
“Therefore it cannot possibly be a good one,” said Arthur, snatching the jug for Morgana. Some of the wine slopped out onto the floor.
“Oi! Watch it!” said Merlin. “I’ll have to clean that up now!”
“Tough,” said Arthur. The jug tilted again, just enough to drip more wine on the floor. Merlin’s mouth fell open, appalled.
“See what I mean?” Morgana asked. “You’re much too stressed. You need to relax for a while.”
“I’d be able to relax much better if you weren’t here being so - ” Arthur broke off. Gwen had taken the wine jug out of his hands, and now Morgana was leading him towards his favourite chair.
Merlin scrambled to his feet and fluffed up the cushion for him with a grin. “Oh, don’t you start as well!” said Arthur. He sank down into the chair.
“Arthur, just relax,” said Morgana. “We’ll look after you.”
“I don’t need looking after!” snapped Arthur.
“Everyone needs looking after some time, sire,” said Gwen, resting a hand on the back of his chair.
“Now have some wine,” said Morgana, motioning for Gwen to start pouring it out.
“And relax.” Arthur took a cup grudgingly. “Maybe Merlin could give you a neck rub.”
Arthur choked on his wine. “I draw the line at that!”
*
“Mmmm,” Arthur moaned, two hours and numerous cups of wine later. “Merlin, you have magic hands.”
Merlin froze for a moment, the m-word cutting through the rosy haze of alcohol, but Arthur started to make impatient noises, so he resumed rubbing. “One of my many talents,” he said.
“I’ve yet to see any others,” said Arthur, slumping down further in his chair. On the other side of the room, one of the girls giggled.
“Well, maybe you’re not looking,” said Merlin, crouching down a little to stay at the right level. On some deranged impulse, he pressed a quick kiss to Arthur’s ear. The prince laughed.
“You’re very strange,” he said. “Very - very…” he trailed off and frowned. Yet more giggling was emanating from the other side of the room. “What are you two doing?” he demanded, twisting round in his seat. Merlin twisted to follow him, and ended up half-slumped over the arm of his chair. But he didn’t much care right now.
“Making plans,” said Morgana.
“Plans for what?” asked Arthur.
“Ways to liven things up,” Morgana said.
“Any good ideas?” Arthur raised his eyebrows. Merlin reached up and patted at the back of his neck.
“Well,” Gwen said slowly. “We did have one.” She looked coyly at Morgana, then broke down giggling again.
“Shall we show them?” Morgana asked, through her laughter.
“Go on, then,” Gwen shrugged. She rested a hand on Morgana’s knee. Morgana looped an arm around her waist.
And then, quite suddenly, they were kissing. Very, very enthusiastically. On the other side of the room. After a long, long moment, Merlin fell off his chair.
Arthur burst out laughing. “You have terrible balance!”
“Why is that funny?” Merlin asked, blinking up at Arthur. His hair was in his eyes, but he couldn’t be bothered to brush it out.
“It just is,” said Arthur. “Now, c’mon.” And with that he reached down, grabbed Merlin around the waist - he let out a rather embarrassing squeaky noise at that, because he was very ticklish - and began to half carry, half drag him across the room.
Merlin squeaked again. “But where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” said Arthur. He threw Merlin down on the bed, knocking all the air out of him, and glared at his feet. “Take your shoes off. Gods knows where they’ve been.”
“Wha’?” Merlin blinked.
“We’ve got him all hot and bothered,” said Morgana, as she crossed the room.
“Clearly,” agreed Gwen.
“Help me off with my dress, will you?” said Morgana, turning around.
Merlin watched open-mouthed as Gwen unlaced Morgana’s bodice, then kicked off his shoes, sat up, and reached for Arthur’s breeches.
“Hey!” said Arthur.
But before he could reach down to swat his manservant’s hands away, Morgana was behind him, dress slipping down her shoulders, tugging at her shirt. “Off,” she said, as Merlin’s magic fingers unlaced his breeches. Gwen perched herself on the bed next to him and began to untie his neckscarf.
“Wait,” said Arthur. “All of us?” Morgana pulled his shirt over his head. “At once?”
“I don’t see why not,” she said.
“It sounds like fun,” said Gwen.
Arthur’s breeches were abruptly round his ankles. “Oh,” he said. “Well, alright, then.” He stepped out of his breeches and onto the bed, straddling Merlin. “That does sound like fun.” Then he stuck his tongue down his manservant’s throat.
Merlin let out a surprised, muffled yelp, but seemed to grow accustomed to it quite quickly. Arthur pushed his jacket down his shoulders - he was vaguely aware of Gwen helping him, but he was rather distracted - then reached for the bottom of his shirt. He heard a soft noise behind him, like cloth hitting the floor, but didn’t pay it any heed till he felt soft, smooth skin up against his.
Morgana was naked. He broke the kiss at once, turned his head, and took a good, long, approving look.
“Nice,” said Merlin. Morgana reached for the laces of his breeches. He grinned.
“Your turn,” said Arthur to Gwen, crawling off Merlin. “C’mon. Get naked.” Gwen blushed. “Come on!”
And after that, it only took a few slightly awkward fumblings and re-positioning before they were gloriously tangled up in his bed. Arthur wasn’t quite sure whose limbs were whose any more - that was definitely Gwen’s leg there, because it was browner than the others, but beyond that it was so hard to tell, and don’t even get him started on whose lips were whose.
Thankfully, he was distracted from the confusing state of affairs a moment later when someone - he suspected Merlin - wrapped their mouth around his cock and sucked until he came with a yell and a jerk of his hips.
*
Merlin was woken up the next morning by a sharp elbow to the ribs.
“Wha’?” he groaned.
“I’m awake and I’m not suffering alone,” said Arthur, elbowing him again. “Open your eyes, you lazy lump.”
Merlin groaned and buried his face in the pillows. “No. I think I’m half dead.”
The prince just elbowed him again. “Wake up!” he ordered, rather too loudly. Merlin clutched at his throbbing head.
“Arthur,” Morgana mumbled from the other end of the bed. “Go back to sleep.” Gwen moaned her agreement.
“You do realise,” yawned Arthur. “That this is my bed and I could throw you all out at any time?”
“Shut up,” said Merlin.
“You love having us here,” Morgana told him.
Silence. Arthur slumped back down against the pillows. “Alright,” he said. “Maybe a little."
Merlin smiled.