Quinn's regret
She gets that this shouldn’t hurt. That the site of him with a baby in his arms shouldn’t make her breath catch, but it does. She can’t help thinking the baby should be blonde and fair, not dark and brunette. She can’t help but be jealous of the woman who believed in his ability to be a father (and no it doesn’t matter that it’s her). It’s just he looks so enamored. And no she hasn’t seen him for about 7 years, and she hasn’t been thinking of him all this time. She loves her life, she does. There’s just something about him with a baby. When she first came in Finn was holding her and she didn’t even feel a twinge. It was just when he took the baby and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was his, that it hurt. That it stopped her in her tracks-so much that she hasn’t approached the table yet. She’s not sure she can stand it, learning her name. What if they offer to let her hold her? Maybe she can just hold on to the fact that at least Rachel doesn’t have her figure back yet. And the baby looks at least 6 months old, she’d done it in two. She’s already thinking of insults.
“Quinn,” Kurt’s squeal reveals her and all that have arrived turn to look at her.
“Hello,” she greets. Then, she does what is expected, “Your daughter is beautiful,” she tells Puck.
She surprised at who answers. “I know, she better be after how long I was in labor for,” Santana tells her.
“You’re her mother?” she asks surprised.
“And I’m the father,” Finn pipes up helpfully. She’s sure her surprise is not well hidden. Luckily, Santana is too busy hitting Finn.
“Shut up! I don’t want her being underestimated because of you. We talked about this. I obviously lost my mind when I went to you.”
When the baby starts squalling in Artie’s arm, she amazed that Santana keeps yelling and Puck takes the baby to comfort her.
“You’re really good with her,” you can’t help but whisper to Puck, laying a hand on his arm.
“Someone has to be,” is his only response. At her raised eyebrow, Puck elaborates, “Santana has no patience or like maternal instinct whatsoever. And poor Brittany- I wouldn’t leave her alone with a cat. I don’t know why they though a baby was a good idea. Finn’s not much help either, she kind of terrifies him. So little Ms. Ruby comes and stays with Uncle Puck quite often.”
She continues talking to him, not really thinking about the fact she’s touching him. And he’s focused on Ruby. She continues to have these . . .feelings she shouldn’t, because she thought he was a Lima Loser, not an exemplary father figure. She’d known the first time the baby cried he’d be gone or at the very least helpless, whereas Finn would be there. Now she’s finding he’s Mr. Mom and Finn’s incapable.
It’s only once Ruby’s asleep that he looks around, “Where’s Rachel? Crap, how long have I been talking to you? She’s going to kill me!”
“What? Why?” you ask slightly insulted.
“She didn’t want to come. After everything that happened in high school and. . .she just. . .didn’t want to come.”
“Why not?” you ask still confused.
“She cries at the drop of a hat, now. And since Finn she’s always had some insecurities, you know? And they’d mostly disappeared since we’ve been together but since she started showing she’s been terrified of the fat remarks she’s going to get. Terrified someone with a ‘svelte figure would steal my fancy’,” he tells her in what she knows must be a direct quote as an amused smile appears on his face.
“And now. . .” you drift off.
“Yeah, taking care of Ms. Ruby I’ve spent a large amount of time talking to you. Which let’s face it, you’re at the top of the list of people who make her insecure. I need to . . .”and he gestures off.
“You want me to take Ruby?” you ask, okay with holding the child that isn’t his.
“Oh!” he looks down as if he’d forgotten. “Actually, since she’s asleep, San should be fine with her, unless you want. . .”
“Sure,” you answer and take the baby.
You watch him walk away. Rachel re-enters the ballroom and his attention is instantly on her. Once his stride has brought him in front of her, you can’t help but continue to watch. She initially turns away from him, but he says something that stops her. Then he’s tilting her chin up to look in her eyes and kissing her as though they have no witnesses. It’s what he does next that finally makes you look away the intimacy of the moment overwhelming, he pushes her hair back with one hand, and lays his other on their baby. It’s clear that his world is complete.
“I saw you watching him with Ruby,” Santana speaks next to you and you look over at her startled. “You looked devastated. But I got to tell you Q, the 10 year reunion is not the time to make up for past mistakes. They’re like movie perfect Q, and daily remind those around them how imperfect their own life is usually. Don’t mess that up.”
“I wasn’t going to. . .” you interrupts, as San takes her sleeping child.
“Maybe not. But let me tell you something they won’t. This pregnancy has been hard on them.”
You interrupt again in the hopes of getting out of the holier than thou speech, “Look if they weren’t ready for a baby, that’s no one’s fault but their own,” you begin before being silenced by Santana’s glare.
“Like you’re one to talk. Anyway, she’s like one step away from complete bed rest. They’ve had several near misses with their little boy which is why he dotes on Ruby. For awhile, when the doctors were certain she would miscarry he practically lived at my house. He would just sit and rock her. Whereas Rachel didn’t even want to see her or him really-she thought he would blame her. Britt had practically moved in with her, while he lived with me. Finally she broke, and just needed him when she was about five months. Whatever happened, they worked it out. She still barely holds Ruby, but she can watch him with her. I’m only telling you this, to ask you to stay away -they’re more fragile then you know. Finn’s not allowed to speak to her after he told her he didn’t think she looked pregnant enough. Really Puck barely lets many people say anything to her unless he or I are within hearing distance.”
She thinks of a question and before she can ask, “Because she hadn’t really realized he was with you, she just saw him taking care of Ruby. She was busy with Kurt and Mercedes. She just left to go to the bathroom, when he realized, and I had been about to come over and make him notice.”
“Can I say congratulations? Or am I not allowed to speak to her at all?” you can’t help asking with some sarcasm.
“Only say it if you can mean it, Q. Otherwise, you’ll do well to avoid her,” she says and then Santana wanders off.
“She wasn’t just being rude, they’re really friends now,” Finn says from behind her. She whirls to face him. What’s with this sneaking up behind her as she watches someone else walk away?
“I. . .” she starts, but can’t think of how to complete that sentence.
“We all saw the relief on your face when you realized Rubz wasn’t his. But San will take you down if you upset Rachel. She wasn’t kidding when she said I’m not allowed to speak to her-like I seriously have to clear anything I want to say with Santana and then Brit will sometimes still veto it. Some day’s they insist I don’t even make eye contact. She’s here because both San and Puck will be in arms reach.”
“You’re kidding!” she tells him certain that he must be.
“I’m really not. It’s been a hard road for them. The months they were separated tore them both up, but she thought it was best-that it’d be easier for him somehow. She didn’t want him there helpless as she lost their child. She didn’t want him just being able to watch as he lost another child. Brit held Rachel as she cried herself to sleep each night. And he wouldn’t talk to anyone but Ruby. They’re finally at the point where even if he’s born, he should be okay.”
“How far along is she?” she finally asked as Rachel didn’t look much past this magical five months moment they spoke of.
“35 weeks today. Her doctors would like her to make it to 37, but they’ve already given 2 doses of betamethasone just in case,” Finn replied instantly making it clear they’d all been anxiously counting the weeks.
Later that night, she approached the couple as they sat at a table. Rachel had her head on Puck’s shoulder while his arm rested around her, his other hand entwined with her’s on their son. Rachel had reclined in the seat as though her back ached and still she was radiant.
“I just wanted to offer my congratulations. You two definitely win the award for Most in Love and Happiest Expectant Couple,” she told them graciously, really meaning if after all she’d been told. “You glow, Rachel.”
“Thanks,” Puck replied.
“There’s award’s?” Rachel asked as she yawned barely still awake.
He chuckled, “Always, as soon as we’re home, “ he told her nuzzling his wife’s neck. It hurt a little bit less knowing how hard they fought for this child, when she’d given his away so easily before. This wasn’t about winning, she just didn’t deserve him.