Money Can Buy You Love. And Glitter. Chapter 53.3
Rating: This chapter is PG-13.
Ship:: Adam/Kris
Story begins here: Chapter 1: Meet cute in coffee shop
Click HERE and scroll down to find links to all the chapters of this story
Chapter 53.3: Yon
"I'm so disappointed." The agent sighed and looked over at his female colleague.
She grinned. "Me too. I was really hoping we'd crack the plot in which Adam Lambert and his cute little boyfriend were involved in a long con against the American people for which they laid the ground work more than five years ago when they went on their first geocaching expedition, followed by Lambert evidencing little to no interest in international relations, then over-working himself to the point where his staff and family pushed him onto a plane so he could go on a vacation, all to plant an incendiary device in an airport with the same name. Because you know, that wouldn't be obvious." She shrugged. "I mean, it's just so likely. And so incredibly subtle, it's actually a red flag. I'm surprised the FBI in LA didn't realize their nefarious plan years ago."
"People do pull long cons!" The agent protested.
"Yes, they do. If they're fanatics. Speaking of which..." She raised her eyebrows. "Go in and tell Lambert the good news."
Bang
Adam jerked his head up when the agent slammed the door behind him with what had to be unnecessary force. "What now? Am I singlehandedly responsible for a tornado or something?"
"You're in luck, Mr. Lambert."
"Good luck?" Adam said cautiously.
"Is that another joke?"
"Not really."
"A worker at one of the food kiosks came forward with your little box."
"Whaaat? Someone had it?" Adam winced as he heard his voice go a little higher than dogs could hear. "So I wasn't stupid or crazy for not being able to find it! Ha! Hahahahaha!"
"Yes. Apparently she saw your boyfriend's video."
"Kris made a video? When? Where? Why?"
"Yes. He made a video and told his story about hiding it for this little scavenger hunt game and how you're not a terrorist, just a guy looking for his directions."
"Oh god. And wait -- there's a video, music video, idea in that. Hmm..."
"Mr. Lambert! The video in question?"
"Yes? What was it like? Can I see it?"
"My colleague told me she thought it was..." The agent's mouth twisted. "Sweet."
"Awww. Kris is sweet." Adam beamed. "Even if he got me into this mess."
"Technically, he didn't."
"Hi, I'm Felice?"
"Are you asking me?" The agent looked at the nervous young woman with her hair parted in the middle and holey jeans like some left-over hippie and frowned. "Why is this girl wasting my time."
"She's not. She's just a teenager who works at the chicken stand in the food court, but she has the goods. Listen up!" The agent's partner snapped impatiently. They had wasted everyone's time with this Lambert nonsense. The guy obviously had no idea what they were looking for and asking him to prove his innocence was impossible. "Listen and learn. Felice, tell him what happened. Show him."
Felice nodded, biting her lip. She slowly pulled her hands from behind her back and showed them a small, black box. "This is Adam's box. I... I took it."
"You what? From where? When? Why?" The agent snapped. "What's in it?"
"Wellllll...." Felice started to shake. "It was under the counter of the chicken restaurant I work at? There was a magnet on the side and Kris stuck it there? I saw him?"
"What was in it?"
"I didn't open it, I wouldn't!"
"Cut the crap, young lady."
"Okay." Felice sniffled, then wiped her eyes. "I did open it. I was wrong. My mom says I'm in big trouble for opening someone else's present." She flipped open the box. "See? It's still there, though. There was a note with numbers on it and a plastic gold coin..."
The agent sighed. "A doubloon."
"Yeah, I guess. Like from Pirates of the Caribbean? Johnny Depp is hot, but not as hot as Adam. Kris is cute too, though." Felice nodded.
Forcing himself to patience and to ignore his smugly smirking colleague, the agent asked behind gritted teeth, "What. About. Kris?
"Kris... well, I recognized him."
"Why?" The agent snapped. "What do you know?"
"Calm down, cowboy." The other agent rolled her eyes. "She's a teenage girl, a fan. It's their hobby to know everything. Listen to her." She smiled encouragingly at the teen. "Go on."
"Okay, so, well, okay? I'm a huge fan of Adam's and I know Kris and his mom and his brother and his father and Lane and his band and his ex-boyfriend and well, everyone!" Felice explained in a rush. "So I was totally stoked when I took this guy's order and realized it was Kris Allen and so I asked him if Adam was here because they're always together since they have this rule like that they try not to be apart for like more than three days, so it seemed like Adam could be here, you know? I thought maybe he was in the bathroom, but I couldn't follow him in there? And I asked if I could I have his autograph and I guess I was just babbling--"
"Imagine that."
"And he laughed and said Adam wasn't here, that they were playing their geocaching game, which I know about because Adam mentioned it in two interviews, one with a radio station in Philadelphia and one with a magazine in Canada and do you need those interviews, because I totally have them on my iTouch and --"
"We've seen them."
"Oh good? Well, anyway, so Kris -- who was super friendly and really sweet, by the way, totally see why Adam loves him -- said that they were playing this game and he was kinda worried about janitorial seeing the box because it would totally suck if the box got lost--"
"Yeah. He was right."
"Stop..." Felice wiped the tears away again. "Don't be so mean. I didn't mean for all this to happen!" she wailed.
"It's okay. We know that, Felice," the other agent said soothingly. "Keep going. "So Kris asked and could I keep my eye on it since Adam should be here in a few hours, if I was still working that was and I said yes. I asked him if Adam would give me an autograph and he said he would? So. Well, then I was on my lunch break and I was afraid janitorial was gonna take it, so I took it -- for safekeeping, you know--"
"Surrrre." The agent looked at his colleague. He doubted the girl had taken it to keep it safe; she had probably taken it to ensure her chance to meet the singer.
"So I took it and then when I got back, my boss said we were overstaffed and I should go home and I did and then when I got home, my mom said my gay boyfriend -- that's what she calls Adam, you know -- well, she said that he'd been arrested for domestic terrorism, which is just stooooopid and I couldn't figure out how that would happen."
"Why is that stupid?"
"Because Adam's a cupcake of a person! Plus he sang the Star Spangled Banner at that baseball game, so he's American, you know? Anyway. So I got on Facebook with my friends and we were trying to figure it out and then I heard Kris had a video and I watched it and then..." Felice took a breath. "Realized I had the box that could probably prove that poor Adam -- and I hope you've been treating him good because the Glamberts are nothing to mess with, you guys -- was innocent and so here I am. Simple, right?"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Adam asked, then began to laugh. "All of that, all of this..." He gestured from the agent to the clock and back again. "Just.."
"Just so she could meet you."
"Maybe I should do more meet and greets." Adam shook his head and stood up. "I take it I'm free to go now. Unless you think she's part of this long con that Kris and I rigged up years ago."
"Yes, everything did check out. No harm done."
"No harm done?" Adam shouted. "I'm late, I"m late for a very important date! And where's my damn box?"
"The...uh girl still has it. My colleague thought maybe you could see this girl because she's been crying the last hour over it." The agent shrugged. "I think it's ridiculous, so if you want me to tell her to get her ass back to her mother, I can do that. I...uh... owe you. Maybe."
"I...I'll see the girl, then I want to get the hell out of here!" Adam walked towards the door. "I want my phone and my wallet. I want to see the video. I can't wait to see it. How, where--"
"He posted it on the Twitter thing --"
"Kris seriously posted a Twitvid? Kris Allen? My boyfriend?"
"Is there some reason you're shocked?" The agent asked, once again suspicious.
"Yeah. Kris hates publicity and gossip and anything vaguely like entertainment reporting."
"Well, this isn't strictly entertainment reporting since violations of airport security rules is a violation of federal law and national security regulations."
"Yeah, me and my Astroglide are the biggest dangers facing this country." Adam rolled his eyes. "Speaking of which, I want my suitcase of lube back."
"He needs to just get here." Kris rubbed his sweaty palms on his legs, cradling the phone between his shoulder and ear. "Forget the game."
"Okay, so tell me the coordinates. And wait-- tell me where you put all the boxes so I can retrieve them before some other fans get the bright idea to go looking for them."
"Okay. I'll text them to you." Hissing out a long breath, Kris wiped his forehead. "I can't believe... I'm so sorry. Is he pissed?"
"I haven't seen him yet because we're still waiting for him to be processed, but oh please. It wasn't your fault." Lane laughed. "The agent -- the good agent, because apparently they were into playing that dreadful good cop, bad cop routine. She told me that they initially thought the two of you were running a long con. Which is so ridiculous. The two of you are so transparent, it's like looking through a double glaze window."
"Yeah," Kris said absently. "Shit, you know? I was going to tell Adam this... secret--"
"You mean about the deal?"
"Damn it, Lane." Kris kicked the wall in front of him, then winced. Kicking a wall with bare feet wasn't his brightest idea. "Everything's going to hell."
"Geoffrey? Mom? Lane? Dani?" Adam stared as he exited the security area. What the hell was going on? "Jacob. Am I dead? Is... ohmigod, is the St. Louis airport actually purgatory? Ohmigod, I died and now I'm stuck in this bizarro purgatory thing even though I'm Jewish? Is this because I didn't keep kosher? Or even finish Hebrew School? Who knew my greatest mistake was not finishing Hebrew School? And ooof!" He grunted as his mother threw herself at him, hugging him tightly as Lane embraced them both and Geoffrey patted his shoulder. Even Jacob was patting his arm. "Just tell me the truth. How did I die and oh no... Why are you all here? Did you die too?"
"Are you okay?" Leila asked, pulling back to stare at Adam. She raised her hands to cup his cheek, then slid her right hand up to touch his forehead. No fever, but... His eyes were glazed. "Are you? Did they hurt you? Tell me if they hurt you!"
"Mom..." Adam groaned as his mother squeezed him hard. Wow, who knew she was that strong? "Nobody hurt me. They kept asking me the same stupid questions over and over and wow, that agent had no sense of humor and... " He paused and looked around. "This just seems like purgatory. I'm... alive."
"You need to eat," Leila said firmly. "Geoffrey has food. Doesn't he?"
Geoffrey nodded and cleared his throat self-consciously as Lane took her turn to throw herself at Adam and Dani slid inside to give her own hug. He once again patted Adam's back. "Yes, in my plane. Let's go there so we can plan."
"Plan what?" Adam asked, hugging Lane and Dani back and then shaking Jacob's hand. Jacob looked sick. Then again, this horrible airport was enough to make even Jacob weep.
"How to handle this."
"This? I'm on my way...somewhere." Adam patted the little box now safely in his pocket. "I've got to finish the game."
"Ad..." Dani stared at him. "There's stubborn and then there's stupid. C'mon."
"No. I want to finish what I started or it means the fuckers won. They're not going to win. I am."
"Are you kidding?" Jacob held his screech in, but just barely. "You can be on every morning show tomorrow and on Piers Morgan tonight and Jay Leno tomorrow night -- he's already shot the show for today, but he's willing to bump his guest for tomorrow for you and--"
"Seriously, chill, dude." Adam shook his head. "I'm on vacation."
"Adam." Geoffrey's cool voice made Adam snap to attention. "This little game of yours and Kris' has turned into an international story."
Incredulous, Adam asked, "You're not kidding?"
"No, babe." Dani gripped his arm. "It was breaking news on E and CNN and of course, Fox News."
"Fox News." Jacob groaned. "Adam, this is big news. Huge. All over the world. You need to counter it. And fast."
"But..." Adam took a deep breath, then took the cup of coffee Lane was pushing at him. He took a long drink, then shuddered. "It's that bad?"
"It will be if we don't show you, released, free--"
"And back to my normal plan," Adam inserted. "Yeah, that's it. If I just go on as if nothing major happened, that will help."
"Perhaps," Geoffrey prevaricated. "Now listen. You don't have to do everything Jacob's suggesting, but you do have to do something to address the rumors and speculation. Being accused of terrorism is bloody serious. You have to at least issue a video statement."
"But I don't wanna..." Adam whined. "I just wanna finish the game!"
"Did you just whine?" Leila stared at him. Adam had been exhausted before he'd been detained and questioned for hours. The thread holding him together was stretched to the max right now. "How tired are you?" She nodded at Lane and they began urging Adam toward the exit to the private plane gates. "You can take a nap on the plane. With Emmaline. She's here too."
"Wow, called in the calvary!" Adam hurried. He could maybe sorta sleep. For a bit. "But none of you are going to keep me from finishing this game."
"You cannot be serious!" Jacob exclaimed as they walked outside.
"Oh, he's bloody serious," Lane retorted. "The two of them... Always with their little games. They're about to be the death of me. The death! I will die in this bloody little ugly airport--"
"That's a very bad idea," Adam agreed. "This is a horrible airport. Horrible." He shuddered. "Very bad. Terrible. No good. Purgatory. I thought I was stuck here forever and so..." He took a breath. "Can we go? I want to go. Away. From. Here."
"We will do that, believe me," Geoffrey agreed. "But you need to make a statement. Piers can interview you over the phone--"
"I don't like him," Adam insisted. "He's a snot. A condescending, patronizing snot who thinks his British accent--"
"Hey!" Lane and Geoffrey exclaimed.
"Okay, then Jay," Jacob suggested. "You like Jay."
"Stop talking to me like I'm a toddler who's refusing to eat my Cheerios!" Adam argued.
"Sorry!" Jacob snapped, then deflated. "I am. Sorry, that is. We were just..."
Geoffrey smiled. "Son, we're all on edge. You and all of us. It's just...we've all been mad worried about you."
"I guess so since you're all here. And..." Adam took a breath, then let it out on a long exhale. "Thanks. I mean it, thanks. It meant everything to me to come out of purgatory and see you all there. I.. can't even say what it meant." He paused and took another breath, closing his eyes as he felt his mother and Dani stroking his back. "But ... Can't Jacob just video me and you all can send it out?" Adam offered, veering away toward the plane he'd arrived on. He had to get on that plane or he'd end up back in LA talking to Jay Leno. Jay had always been good to him, but he wasn't Kris. And he sure as hell wasn't interested in fucking Jay Leno for the next week.
"Adam!" Leila gasped as Lane laughed.
"Did I say that aloud?" Adam widened his eyes. "Hmm. Maybe I do need a nap."
"How about we be efficient about this?" Jacob suggested.
Adam frowned. "What does that mean?"
"Let's combine your scavenger hunt with reclamation of your reputation. And a little promo."
Taking another long sip of his coffee, Adam took a breath to say, "You're a sick little man, Jake."
"It's Jacob. Jacob!" Glaring at Adam, Jacob paused to gather his thoughts. "And I'm several inches taller than Kris, so I'm not little. Now listen. How about you still go to all the locations Kris set up for you, but instead of you searching for the boxes, we have a radio station present you with the box? And your mom and Dani and Emmaline will be with you."
"Family shot. Great idea," Geoffrey complimented. "Family man en route to a romantic rendezvous with his boyfriend, both of you still in love after all these years, but thwarted by a tragic misunderstanding enacted by hard-working patriots, but you're now back on track to meet the loving boyfriend. You might want to manage a tear in your eyes."
"Hmm." Jacob pondered. "Perhaps a little sniffle too. Or just look pale."
"He already looks pale!" Leila argued. "My poor boy."
"Thanks, Mom. At least you care about me." Adam sniffled, then groaned when Jacob and Geoffrey gave him triumphant grins.
"You're a natural at it. Really," Jacob enthused.
"More importantly, we all care about you," Geoffrey said quickly. "We care about you enough to want to put a quick end to this hellacious story. Jacob's idea is brilliant. Quick and easy way to make you relatable and sympathetic. You make a little comment at each place about the terrible misunderstanding and how much you appreciate your fans and the dedication of hard-working federal agents -- use that voice to act your face off, in other words."
"Do radio interviews? How is that more efficient? Those things take forever," Adam complained.
Lane shook her head. "Not if we do it on the tarmac and tell them they have fifteen minutes max -- You couldn't have found the boxes in fifteen minutes in each locations, so this plan will actually save you time. Fifteen minutes and then you're getting back on the plane. I'll enforce it."
"Oooh, my enforcer." Adam smiled and gave Lane a one-armed hug. "So do you know where my last stop is? Oh who cares? As long as there's a bed, booze and bare-ass Kris, I'll be good."
Nine hours, four radio stops, five interviews -- because Jacob had managed to sneak in a video interview with Jay Leno -- planes, two taxis, a boat ride, a hamburger, a nap onboard the plane with Emmaline, a stern lecture by his mother, a wink from Dani, a phone call or twelve with Kris, eight indignant tweets from his brother complete with political references he didn't understand and a laconic phone call from his father, a pat on the back from Geoffrey, a series of instructions from Jacob he was planning to ignore, six doubloons in hand and seven cups of coffee later, Adam sighed, then smiled as he took in the sight before him.
"Paradise. Finally."
TBC ----> Chapter 54.1: Secrets