Money Can Buy You Love. And Glitter. Chapter 58.3
Rating: This chapter is PG-13.
Ship:: Adam/Kris
Story begins here: Chapter 1: Meet cute in coffee shop
Click HERE and scroll down to find links to all the chapters of this story.
Chapter 58.3: Needs More Glitter
Rinnngg
"Is it... It's Adam. A text." Kris pointed at his phone as it played the notes for Adam's song, "Thirty-Eight Cents".
"Well, pick it up!" Teresa ordered.
"What?" Geoffrey raced around the corner. "Is it Adam?"
"Yes, but I --" Kris closed his eyes. "Okay. Here goes..." He picked up the phone and stared at it.
"Well?" Geoffrey asked a moment later. "What does it say?"
"That you're the nosiest man on the face of the earth?" Teresa said with a sigh. When Kris stayed silent, just staring at his phone, she sighed again. "Well? Are you going to tell us?"
"He asked me if I vomited." Kris grinned.
"He what?" Geoffrey and Teresa echoed.
"What does that mean?" Geoffrey continued. "Is that a secret code for something? You should ask him-- Ow!"
Teresa blandly returned Geoffrey's shocked gaze and withdrew her pinching fingers from the back of his arm. "Let the boy respond back to Adam!"
Kris turned his phone around to show them the text.
A: Did you vomit? Say hi to your mom for me.
"Adam." Leila shook her head. "After all this... you ask him if he vomited?"
"Humph. You're eavesdropping." Adam sniffed. "It's a perfectly valid and salient question for Kris. He'll know I still love him because I asked. It will make him laugh, which is a good thing. Plus I also mentioned his mom because it shows we're still a family. Perfect combo."
"I don't get you two sometimes."
"He loves me." Kris laughed, then bent back over his phone. He laughed again, feeling free from worry for the first time in weeks.
"You got that from a question about vomit?" Teresa asked, looking at Geoffrey.
"He also talked about my mom. That means we're still a family. So he loves me and we're a family. We're good again." Kris grinned and felt relief relax his muscles. He slumped back against the back cushions of the couch.
"It's like a secret code," Teresa suggested.
"These boys can be odd," Geoffrey agreed.
"It's not odd," Kris retorted. "He knows how I am about stuff like that and is asking if I'm okay. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have asked."
Rinnnggg
"Another one?" Geoffrey asked as Adam's ringtone rang again and Kris bent over his phone.
A: Thank you so much for tonight. I know it was hard for you. My head is clear now, but how much beer did you drink while waching? Seriously, are you okay?
K: Yes, sorry, I didnt answer. Geoffrey was grilling me about what you said but Teresa made him shut up. Im okay. But speaking of sorry, I am. You heard that right? Clear?
A: I know. I heard. And Im sorry too. Very. Very. I let my anger and fear win. Im sorry. Im sorry I didnt listen to you, Im sorry for what I said and I cant even say how sorry I am that I threw you out. Can you forgive me?
K: Yes, yes. Thanks. Do you want to just call me?
A: Not yet. I want to be in control and I have so many feelings right now. Im overwhelmed. If I hear your voice Im not going to be able to think clearly. My mind was in a fog or something for weeks and weeks and it feels clearer now than it has since New Years, but Im still shaky. Overwhelmed.
K: Sweetie. I wish I could hold you.
A: Ill be okay. Just need to get in control.
K: Control freak.
A: Yeah and the time I lost it, I screwed everything up. Im so sorry.
K: I forgive you. We can talk about that in person because I want to see your face. But the whole mess started because I was afraid. Didnt fight back bec I was afraid. Fear is... bad. Probably cant say sorry enough.
A: I think you showed me by going on Leno and talking about yourself. I know it was a sacrifice. I apprecite it.
K: Im glad. Jacob said it would kill two birds with one stone. Tell you the truth to you AND make everyone know Im not a whore and you werent what you thought you were. But I set it up myself with Jay's mechanic. I picked out the vids too.
A: Jacob occasionally has good ideas. But you executed it perfectly.
K: What do we do now? Spend time alone? I know an island...
A: Good idea, but I think we need a fresh start. Like that do over you talked abut to Jay
K: Oh
A: Is that a bad idea? I just want to do it properly this time
K: Properly? LOL Is this Jane Austen
A: How do you know Jane Austen
K: Teresa made me watch all the movies with her :(
A: Poor Kirs ;)
K: And I miss
A: Yessssssssssss?
K: My chair
A: Well. Clearly I was doing something majorly wrong for a long time if youre missing your ugleee chair so a do over is necessary
K: Dont pout. Im also missing touching you, kissing you, licking you up like cake batter from a bowl
A: Ice cream is better. But the chocolate chips can hurt, get in the wrong places
K: I remember. Like glitter. LOL
A: Are we sexting now? Cause my mom is sitting next to me and she just got out the spoon to hit me with but ill deal with the spoon for sexting or hey we coudl use the spoon... Poor mom.
K: Is she freaking about you doing something freaky with her spoon
A: Yeah. Good times. So. The sexting?
K: I am never doing anything with this phone again that some asshole could see and use against us
A: Good pont
K: Pont?
A: POINT Whatevs! So. No sexting
K: No. Do over. We didnt have sex in the beginning. Your choice, remember?
A: Damn. I was soooo stupid.
K: Nah I win that prize. If I could go back in time and tell my self to tell you...
A: Move forward, hedgehog
K: I miss you calling me that too. But youre right. We need to move forward. Do it better. You know that do over is a good idea
A: It is?
K: Yes. I want a second chance. Do it right this time.
A: Me too.
K: Besides I had this whole plan to storm your castle I want to use
A: You did?
K: Yessireebob
A: Weird. My mom and I were talking about storming YOUR castle.
K: Nah. Im too small to be a castle. Id be a... I dunno. Whats in a castle yard? I know. The shop where they make swords. Lots of pointy points. You know pont with an i.
A: Very funny. You should be careful because I have your chair. And your sword. The little green one. I can hold them hostage.
K: Thank god. I was worried it had gotten lost. The sword. I have a thing about that little sword.
A: And the chair. I have the sword in my hand
K: How can you text with a sword in your hand
A: I can multitask. ;)
K: Did your mom just ask if that was sexting
A: You betcha. I think Im gonna get hit with the spoon. So. You have a plan? That means youre ahead of me. Howm I going to parry your thrusts?
K: LOL I know your mom just hit you with a spoon
A: No she's laughing too hard.
K: Geoffrey keeps trying to peek, but Teresa is trying to distract him
A: Im glad you are with your family now. Then again, you could have stayed with my mom. I think she likes you better than me.
K: I know youre pouting and I wish I was there to kiss it away
A: Me too. So your plan? Any hints?
K: Hmm. Let's see. What could I tell you.... I know. Look up.
A: What does that mean?
K: Its a hint. Not giving away the whole farm.
A: So look up.
K: Thats what I said.
A: Okay, hedgehog. LOL Youre so easy to get all prickly.
K: Speaking of pricks
A: No sexting.
K: You suck all the fun out of it.
A: Sucking? Tsk. My mom is here. Have some decorum. Besides, the no sexting was your idea, you little tease.
K: Decorum? Seriously, dude. You shouldve been the one watching Jane Austen with Teresa. You want the do over and you were the one who didnt want to have sex at the beginning before.
A: But I am going to break a do over rule
K: We have rules
A: Yes, so I can break them.
K: Okaaaaay, so which rule you going to break?
A: The rule about redoing the timeline. Last time we had sex before we said the important stuff. This time, Im gonna be old fashioned and do it the other way.
K: Okay. Go.
A: I love you, Kris. I love you. Even when I thought you broke my heart, I couldnt stop loving you. I think my heart knew best and my heart is telling me to break this rule so you can know. I love you.
K: I Thanks Oh forget it. I don't have anything eloquent. I just love you too. You know I never stopped. I loved you from the first moment and I'll love you to the last.
A: That sounded amazingly eloquent to me.
K: You inspire me. As you'll see when you look up tomorrow. I love you. Now, good night, sweetie. I know its your turn this week to bring Emmaline to preschool tomorrow at the crack of dawn.
A: I love you. Good night to you too.
K: I love you more.
A: I'm bigger so I have more love.
K: Wait. You didnt say you forgive me.
A: Of course I do. If I didnt, I wouldnt have called. I had already started to forgive you. I didnt expect to, tbh. And then I surprised myself bec I started to laugh remembering things youd done but tonight was what pushed me over that edge. Thank you for taking that chance.
K: The best things I ever got in life are from taking risks. Like tomorrow. On your way back from pre-school, look up.
The next morning:
"Oh hell!" Adam slammed on his brakes.
Lane braced her hand on the dash and yelped. "Bloody hell!"
"Look up!" Adam yelled. "Look up!"
"Oh. My. God." Lane gaped as they both ignored the sound of screeching brakes and honking horns behind them to stare upward.
The billboard above them on Sunset Boulevard was white with bright purple lettering, glittering in the bright sunlight. It was simple in design, but eye-catching.
"I think the whole billboard sparkles!" Lane exclaimed, then began to laugh.
"It's... amazing," Adam admitted. "Hence the slam on the brakes."
"Which had nothing to do with the words?" Lane asked with a smile.
ADAM:
I LOVE YOU.
I'LL EVEN WEAR GLITTER MYSELF TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
CALL ME.
LOVE, KRIS
"He...had glitter put around the letters..." Adam whispered.
"A sign of true love, indeed. To say nothing of the offer to put it on himself?" Lane asked. Kris really knew the way to Adam's heart.
"Don't be silly!" Adam scoffed, then turned his head away from Lane.
"Okay. Are you going to put the car in drive and move along before we cause an accident?"
"That I can do." Adam handed his phone to Lane. "Do me a favor and send a text to Kris?"
Rinngg
A: I'm calling. So. Nice billboard. Except for one thing. Needs more glitter.
"Lane sent that text for him because there's no misspellings, but okay, fine!" Kris grumbled with a grin. "He wants more glitter. He's gonna get it. All over the place."
That night:
"Tonight on E! News..." Ryan smiled at the camera, anticipating the exclusive he'd be getting soon. He'd better be getting it. "In the apparently on-going saga or dare I say, romance? Of Adam Lambert and Kris Allen, another chapter was written today."
Giuliana nodded with a smile. "As most of you know, last night Kris Allen visited The Tonight Show and spilled all about how Lambert's manager, Geoffrey Brush, actually set him up to meet Lambert, acting as a matchmaker. After watching Kris and his videos, all I can think is that the whole story was actually so cute!"
"I had a feeling you'd say that Giuliana. You're a sucker for romance. And if Adam's a sucker for romance -- and I have a sneaking suspicion he is..." Ryan said slowly, then sped up again. "He probably loved the billboard Allen took out near Santa Monica Boulevard. It made clear once again just what he's willing to do to make it up to Adam that he was careless with his phone and someone stole it only to sell stories based upon an incomplete grasp of the facts."
"Problem is that if Kris keeps pulling these romantic gestures, Adam has no incentive to say he's forgiven him."
"Oh, I don't know about that." Ryan smirked. "We've seen the two of them together."
"True, true, Ryan. Even after all these years, they can't keep their hands off each other." Giuliana sighed. "So romantic. Well, the only reason I'd be resisting is to see what he'd do next!"
The next morning:
"Why you coming with us this morning, UncaBrad?" Emmaline asked from her car seat.
"I'm dying to see this billboard your Daddy Kris made up for Daddy Adam. I hear it has purple glitter." Brad grinned as Adam pulled a U-Turn in the middle of the block so they could all see the billboard. Adam was the one dying to see it again.
"Where is it?" Emmaline asked, craning her neck, looking up.
"There it is!" Brad laughed as Adam slowed the car to a crawl to look at the billboard.
"Oh wow. It's a new one," Adam said in surprise. Billboards were expensive. What the hell was Kris doing?
"I always knew I liked that boy. What a tease, what a little c--"
"Little pitchers," Adam warned, although his voice was warm with laughter as he looked up too. The billboard had a photograph of a man's hand with a smear of blue glitter on the index finger and the line, "I TOLD YOU I'D PUT GLITTER ON MYSELF. STEP ONE..." across the top. Adam laughed. "So that's where his glitter is..."
Brad grinned. "Waste of perfectly good edible glitter. Is that his hand?"
"Yeah."
"How can you tell?"
"There's a scar on the palm from one time he was making dinner and having a fight with his father at the same time and got distracted."
"Coke Man!" Emmaline cried out. "Dadakiss got very puffed up when he used to talk to Coke Man."
"He did," Adam agreed, then pointed up at the billboard. "And see the calluses on his fingertips? That's Kris." He grinned as he pressed down on the pedal. "It's high res. Lee must've taken the picture."
"There's no picture of his face on it. Boring." Emmaline shrugged and swung her feet back and forth, kicking the back of her father's seat as they drew closer to pre-school. She didn't want to go today. She just knew the big boys in the front seats were going to have fun without her. Like going shopping and UncaBrad had said something about feathers. She wanted feathers. "Just his hand." She kicked again.
"Emmaline, stop that right now!" Adam said sternly. "It's annoying and distracting. I need to concentrate on my driving." He sucked back a string of curses as he saw what awaited them. He really needed to learn a new language so he could curse in it in front of Emmaline. Or at least learn curse words in other languages. That'd be useful.
"No kidding," Brad muttered, whistling under his breath as Adam swung Dani's SUV into the pre-school parking lot. "You came awfully close to that one pap."
"I get double points for a pap at my daughter's pre-school. Maybe triple," Adam grumbled darkly as he parked the car. He looked over at Brad, who was grimacing. "I'll get Emmaline out and you come around to help shield her."
"Maybe I should hold her and you can use your bigger size to kind of cover us both?" Brad asked as he hopped out while Adam opened his door and reached for Emmaline's. He winced as the shouts from the paps reached them just as Adam put Emmaline down on the ground to grab her schoolbag.
"Where's Kris?"
"Are you going to take the loser back?"
"Did you see him on Leno?"
"Is he coming home?"
"How'd it feel to find out he was paid to meet you?"
"Are you going to let him near your daughter again?"
"How do you feel about the fact that he did take money-"
The cacophony of noise shocked Brad and he stepped back as Adam looked up with a glare as he heard the content of some of the comments. In that second's hesitation, Emmaline darted away towards the paps on the sidewalk, going up to the loudest one and kicking him hard in the shins. "Youse shut up! I don't mean that in a nice ways, either! You bad bad men. Not nice!"
"I'm going to sue!" The pap shrieked, holding his shin, then falling to the ground. He rolled around, screaming.
"What's wrong with him?" Emmaline stared at him, with her hands on her hips. "Toughen up, mister!"
"No kidding." Brad rolled his eyes and picked up Emmaline.
"I'll sue!" The man screamed. "It's on tape! I'll sue."
Adam grinned. "Go ahead. I'll be happy to testify in court how my three year old little girl took down a guy that weighs nearly three hundred pounds. My daughter, a pint-sized warrior in a pink dress."
"And purple barrette. My contribution, make it clear, okay?" Brad asked the paps.
"Hey!" The pap on the ground snapped back as he lumbered to his feet. "We're just reporting the news and the news is that your boyfriend is nothing more than a--"
Emmaline pointed her finger at him. Everyone laughed as the pap backed up. "Listen! My Dadakiss is just in a time out! He'll be home soon -- Ugh, Dadam! " She protested as Adam put his arm around the two of them and hustled them away. "What is the matter with them?"
"They are putzes."
"Putzes. Putzes," Emmaline said slowly, sounding the word out. "Putzes. Didn't their mommies and daddies put them in a time out when they were bad so they would learn how to be good? Or use that Lava soap on their mouths?"
"Apparently not. That's what comes of piss-poor parenting without consequences," Adam said with a smirk in the direction of the paparazzi.
"What's a con...se...quences?"
"What will happen to you when we get home for running away from me like that."
"Uh-oh." Emmaline sighed. "Time out on the naughty stool when we gets home."
"Absolutely."
"I think those bad men need to have a big time out." Emmaline pouted. "It's no fair."
That evening:
"That is so..." John shouted later that night, a string of curses leaving his mouth. "At a pre-school?! I know you warned us, but I still can't believe it."
"I'm glad Adam told me so I could be prepared," Kris agreed. He forced his fists to uncurl and took deep breaths. "I told him maybe we oughta leave the country for a while. Or at least have someone else bring Emmaline to school -- they only want me and him. But I never thought and Adam didn't either, that they'd go to a pre-school and yell shit while our daughter was there. A new low."
"I say tomorrow we all go down there and form a line inbetween Emmaline and those vultures!" Rick, the regular, offered.
"We could, but I dunno," Craig, another patron, argued. "Looks like the little girl can handle them just fine."
John nodded and began to smile. "She did. She's a toughie, our Emmaline."
"Yeah. She knocked a guy out who weighed about 10 times her size." Rick grinned and raised his glass. "Here's to tough little girls and the daddies who raise them."
Kris smiled and pointed towards the tv. "I'll give credit for that to Adam and Neil. They've raised her pretty tough."
Elbowing Kris in the ribs, John noted, "I think you can get some credit too. They may toss her around physically, but she's seen you stand up for yourself too. Adam doesn't call you hedgehog for nothing. And you've learned how to stand up to your father -- which she saw. Good lessons."
"I'm working on getting tougher still." Kris smiled. "And nobody's gonna push her around. Thank god."
"I liked how she said you were in a time out," John noted with a grin as he uncapped a bottle of beer for Craig and handed it to him. "Good call."
"I was in a time out?" Kris asked, staring at the tv and considering Emmaline's analysis of the situation. Adam had said in that text that he had never fallen out of love with him and while Lane and Leila had brought his clothes over, his chair was still there. So maybe, unconsciously, Adam had never meant for him to be gone for good. "I was in a time out. That... actually makes sense, if you think about it."
John laughed. "So do you have to sit in the corner or do you have a naughty step you're supposed to be sitting on?"
"The naughty stool is back at the house. Can't wait to use it again. If you know what I mean..." Kris wiggled his eyebrows, then smacked his own butt.
Craig choked on his beer, then they all began to laugh. Wiping his mouth, he asked, "Don't you have visitation rights to the stool? And that damn chair of yours?"
"You're right!" Kris nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He always knew where his phone was these days. He quickly began typing.
K: I believe I have visitation rights to my chair. And green sword.
A: Per the terms of the do over, you do not.
"Ha! That's what he thinks. I'll make my own rules!" Kris grinned as he turned his phone off and put it back in his pocket, automatically patting to make sure it was in place.
"Hey, why are you two texting instead of talking?" John asked.
Looking up, Kris paused. He wasn't going to tell the other reasons Adam had given him Monday night, his need for control. That was private. But he could give the reasons Adam had given him late last night. "Adam says if he hears my voice, he's not going to be able to wait to do this do over. And it's super important to him. Whatever he's planning."
"You're blushing," Rick observed.
"He can't resist you," John teased. "See? You never had anything to worry about. He was gonna come around. Just needed time to clear his head. You needed to have faith."
Kris touched his cheek. It was warm. He rotated his shoulders to loosen them up. "Hey, shouldn't we be talking about sports? The basketball game is on--"
"Awww. Adam's sweet on Krissy..." Craig said in a sing song. "Adam and Krissy kissin' in a tree..."
"What, are you six years old?" John asked. He turned to Kris. "Forget basketball. Your love life is way more interesting."
"My god, you guys are gossips just as bad as the coffee hour church ladies!" Kris exclaimed.
Rick smiled. "So what's going on with this do over that's taking Adam a while to finish up?"
"I dunno and it's drivin' me nuts!"
"Well, Adam is creative..." John agreed. "So who knows. But it has something to do with this do over idea? What situation from your past is he re-doing? Oh wait, I know. He's finally taking the opportunity he missed when we painted your apartment to get rid of that damn chair."
"He wouldn't!" Kris protested. He wiped the counter clean over and over. But Adam was going to do something with that chair. He knew it.
Still that evening:
"Can I just say?" Brad complained as he pushed the chair into position in the front driveway. "That I am exceedingly aggravated that my contribution to your outfit has not been mentioned by any of the entertainment so-called news outlets even though I specifically asked those paps to do so? Honestly. Life is in the details!"
Emmaline shook her head as she drew on the driveway with chalk with Neil. "Mama says you can't trust the paps people, UncaBrad."
"Moms know best." Brad nodded. "Now where's your father? Adam, I mean."
Neil pointed towards the house. "He's inside. Haranguing someone to hurry up. Out in a sec."
Dani smiled as she came over to the dumpster and looked from it to where Lee stood with his camera. Lowering her voice so that only Brad could hear, she whispered, "He's on the phone with the jeweler."
"Isn't it enough that he had a dumpster brought in just to take a picture?" Brad asked. "Now the plaid boy gets jewelry too?"
"Kris is going to love this. Well, I mean hate it. But you know what I mean," Adam said with a grin as he came out.
Neil stood up and climbed into the dumpster with a grunt. "C'mon, Brad. Get in here."
"Why is it that you call me to do dumpster diving?" Brad complained as Adam gave him a boost and nearly flung him inside.
"You went shopping today with Dadam and I didn't," Emmaline pointed out, drawing lopsided circles.
Brad smiled. "Your Dadam needed my sartorial advice for his trip. I mean, he needed my advice to buy clothes."
"You just tell him to get purple every time." Emmaline picked up a purple chalk. "I bet you even told him his feathers should be purple."
"She's right!" Neil agreed with a laugh as he thought of what Adam had taken out of a large box earlier that night. "C'mon Adam, give us the chair. Let's put it where it belongs."
"Kris is going to have a heart attack as it is. Make sure you keep it up nice and high and keep it clean." Lifting the chair into the dumpster so that Neil and Brad could hold it up high enough to be seen over the top, Adam stepped back for Lee to take the pictures. They moved the chair this way and that, then took a break while Adam and Lee reviewed the images.
"Are we done yet?" Brad asked, poking his head up over the top.
"You look good in there. I always knew you were trashy," Adam quipped with a grin.
"Hey, I could accidentally on purpose drop this ugly thing," Brad warned.
"Dadakiss would kill you," Emmaline said matter-of-factly. "Then no more purple."
The next evening:
"Last night we brought you footage of a disturbing video," Billy Bush began as the footage from the pre-school scene played behind him. "It involved some nasty name-calling, an assault and possible physical harm."
The blonde co-host looked solemn and then grinned. "Yes, folks. It was very disturbing. The paparazzi who staked out the pre-school of Adam Lambert's daughter discovered that they had the three year old to contend with."
"That girl knows how to handle herself!" Billy laughed. "Today, the plot thickened as Kris Allen unveiled yet another billboard -- this time with the glitter moving from his finger to his wrist. But more intriguingly, it was apparently Adam's turn to play this... I guess you'd call it courtship game, out in public with his own billboard." Billy raised his hands, then pointed to another screen with a photograph of a billboard. "It took LA a while to ascertain that it was Adam Lambert who -- for the first time -- made a public statement on the messy scandal of the origins of his long-time love affair with Kris Allen. And a curious statement it was."
The orange mushroom chair was precariously balanced near the top of a dumpster with large orange letters on the front of the dumpster that read,
BRING IT ON, BABY
I HAVE YOUR CHAIR
BRING IT ON
"Now," Bush continued. "We don't know if there's a personal meaning to this chair, but we have learned that Allen's been shopping his demo cd around with the working title of Orange Mushroom Chair. Now some people are speculating that this entire scandal was nothing more than a publicity plan to get Allen a better record deal."
"In the interests of fairness," the blonde continued, as she hoped she'd be able to compete with Seacrest for whatever exclusive he was crowing about having. "We did contact Allen through the Geoffrey Brush agency, who expressed impatience at the notion." The blonde smiled and pointed to a screen with the captioning scrolling over it as Jacob's recorded voice spoke.
"That idea is utterly ridiculous. I can assure you that is not how Kris Allen's mind works. He's only engaging in this behavior to make it up to Adam and to prove a point, a point he feels he has to make in public because the media irresponsibly jumped on a story without checking the facts first. Although as a pr person, I can appreciate the idea of turning a sow's ear into a silk purse, having seen that hideous chair in person, I don't think it's possible to turn it into a silk purse. Or a decent album cover. Get a grip, people."
Geoffrey shrugged as they walked out to the patio after watching the nightly entertainment news. "Well, Kris, the truth is that we've had two labels call with offers in the last few days."
Kris slumped as he sat down on a padded chair and watched the sun go down. "I guess I should've expected it. I think... I can't take those offers. No matter what we say, it'll look like I was capitalizing on this mess. And I won't have even a whisper of that. It would taint the music."
"I agree. I'd advise you to go the indie route. You and Adam could work on it together. Maybe overseas. Bring in outside producers as needed, but it could be your baby, you two."
"I... I want to. I think it will be a good project for us as a couple. We can probably work through a lot of our shit through music, ya know?"
"I'd bet you can." Geoffrey took a sip from his wineglass. "Adam asked me to clear his schedule except for a few performances to keep him in the public eye from time to time. I think he's finally taking everyone's advice to slow it down."
"Ha!" Kris scoffed. "We both know that's impossible. I'm wondering what he's up to, with this plan of his..."
"Can't you hurry it up?" Adam asked impatiently. "I know. Sorry. I know I'm asking for a miracle, but... Three or four days? Thank you, thank you. I'll find a way to stretch it all out."
The next morning:
"So did you see the billboard yet?" Dani asked, as she exited the pre-school, her phone cradled between her shoulder and cheek. They'd decided that she'd bring Emmaline to pre-school until this mess died over. When she'd gotten out of the SUV this morning, the paps had groaned in disappointment. Emmaline had grinned and begun to run towards them. She thought it was a game now and enjoyable enough that spending time on the kitchen naughty stool was worth it.
"I just got your picture," Adam told her. "I think I see a theme. A disturbing one. The glitter's gone from his finger to his wrist and now? Today, the glitter was on his bicep. His bare bicep. Which led to part of a bare shoulder."
"OMG!" Dani exclaimed as she bubbled over with laughter. "His arm is bare in public. He's not conforming to the Lambert Nunnery Dress Code."
"Did you just verbally capitalize those words?"
"You got it. I'm so glad you haven't lost your ability to parse out verbal inflections."
"Well, you've lost the ability to parse out Kris' warped sense of humor. Or his ability to get me going. He's hinting that the glitter is going to go further up his arm."
"To what? His collarbone?" Dani laughed. "You are a tad possessive."
"He's mine."
"So claim him."
"I'm trying. The jeweler is taking forever, to say nothing of the hatmaker..." Adam growled.
"How does this fit into the do over?"
"I should've started dressing him from the beginning. Just think of a world without plaid. Or dirty sneakers..." Adam sighed. "But I wish they would hurry up. Because his god only knows what Kris is going to do next."
Early that evening:
"DADAMMMMMMMMM!" Emmaline shrieked the second she heard the interior door to the garage open. "HURRY UP!"
"What's going on?" Adam yelled back, nearly running in his hurry to get to the kitchen. "Is your mama okay? Is anyone bleeding? Did something flood? Are a pair of my boots ruined or--"
Emmaline grinned as she waved to Adam from her perch on top of the kitchen island. Waving a spoon in her hand, she shrieked again. "No, silly. We has ice cream!"
"Oh, for the love of..." Putting his hand over his heart, Adam took a breath. "Inside voice. You are only supposed to scream if there's danger, remember?"
"Okay." Emmaline smiled and kept waving her spoon around, waiting for her father to notice it.
He smiled and reached up to pluck Emmaline down from the island. "How many times have we told you not to climb on the island?"
"A lot." Emmaline shrugged and lightly tapped Adam on the nose with the spoon. "But you said not to do it around Dadakiss because he gets nervous. And he's not here. He left, so I coulds climb up then."
"He-- what?" Adam gaped at his daughter and twirled around to stare in the direction of the garage. "When?"
"Forever ago. I've been waiting forever!"
"Dani!" Adam yelled.
Covering her ears, Emmaline complained. "Ow, Dadam. Inside voice?"
"Inside voice, Adam." Dani agreed as she came into the kitchen. "And yes, Kris came over, I made him a sandwich -- because he looked like he could use one." She cocked her head and looked at Adam, who'd made a few worried comments over how thin Kris had looked on Leno.
"I... yes, he could," Adam agreed as he caught the smug look on Dani's face. "What about me? I could eat."
"We have ice cream!" Emmaline shrieked. "That's whats I was saying!"
"Inside voice?" Adam asked with a grin.
"Oops." Shrugging, Emmaline pointed towards the refrigerator. "Let's eat now! Dadakiss and Mama said we had to wait until you got home. You home now, so let's eat."
"What's so special about this ice cream?"
"It's for you. It's an ice cream cake!" Emmaline explained. "Dadakiss brought it for you. He said you have to eat it. It says you have to."
"I... Excuse me?"
As Dani pulled the cake from the freezer, Emmaline danced around excitedly. "Dadakiss likes dump cake better. But he got an ice cream cake for you because that's your favorite."
Dani put the frozen three layer ice cream cake on the island and smiled as she watched Adam read the inscription.
I LOVE YOU
EAT
FOOD IS LOVE
EAT ME
"That's..." Adam smiled. "Beautiful. Doing something for someone you love is beautiful."
"It is," Dani agreed, pausing as Adam picked up his phone and hit a speed dial number.
"Hi, Kim... Yes, yes, we're going to be fine... We're about to take a trip together actually...Yes the press are vultures."
"Bad bad men!" Emmaline called out. "Tell Grammy Kim that they are bad men and that bad men deserve a kick in the leg."
"She heard you and agrees," Adam told his daughter.
"So does Grammy Weiwa. They wouldn't make me sit on the naughty stool." Emmaline sighed. "When's we gonna eat the ice cream?"
"Wait quietly or no ice cream," Dani said sternly. "Practice your song in your head."
Emmaline whispered, "My head is very loud. Like Dadam's voice when he's singing in the shower."
"The reason I called, Kim-- " Adam interjected when Kim took a breath. "Was to get the recipe for dump cake. Can you please email it to me? Yes, I'm going to make it. Oh... I suppose. Yeah. we can Skype and you can walk me through it. That would be great. Tomorrow night ... Bye." Adam closed the phone and turned around. "Okay, the ice cream."
"It's your cake, so you get to cut it," Dani reminded Adam, handing him the knife she'd heated by running under hot water. "Now not too big because dinner will later."
"Falls under the heading that life's short, so eat dessert first?" Adam asked with a smile as he carefully pressed down to cut through the layers. All of his favorite flavors. My god, if he didn't already love Kris, this would have put him over the edge What a do over. "He is relentless..." he said under his breath. "I like it."
"He's wooing you." Dani grabbed plates and held them as Adam finished cutting slender pieces.
Smiling as Emmaline dug her spoon into her slice, Adam asked, "Is that what he told you?"
"Actually, Mr. Ego, we didn't talk about you at all. Well, except that he's worried you've lost weight."
"Pot meet kettle." Adam frowned as he thought of how wan and drawn Kris had looked on Leno. Not as skinny as when they'd first me -- and he really needed to thank Geoffrey for forcing that money on Kris -- but still thinner than he should be. He sat down himself and slowly began to eat his ice cream. Damn, it was good.
"Agreed." Dani shrugged as she ate. Kris and Adam would both put the weight back on once they weren't pining for each other. And went on that trip. "He was here to spend time with Emmaline and we just talked about non-Adam stuff. Because there is a whole world out there that has nothing to do with Adam Lambert."
"I need to call Jacob. He's falling down on the job if there is that much to talk about that doesn't involve me. My plan for world domination is failing miserably."
"Eat your ice cream." Dani smiled. "Actually, I think he came over for visitation rights for his chair."
"That chair." Adam rolled his eyes. "He probably misses it more than he misses me."
"I doubt that. But..." Dani dragged it out. "It's a close second."
"I'm first!" Emmaline raised her spoon in the air. "But Dadakiss do love that chair. I thought he was goin' to cry when he saw it. Poor Dadakiss misses his chair. It's his lovey."
"Indeed it is," Adam agreed, wondering what had gone through Kris' mind when he'd seen that his precious chair was in its proper spot in their music room.
"He left a note on the mushie chair," Emmaline told him. "He wanted to make sure it was okay, then he wrote you a note."
"Whaaat?" Adam jumped up and ran down the hall.
Emmaline looked at her mother. "I thought we weren't supposed to run in the house?"
Dani sighed. "Dadam is an adult, so he doesn't have the same rules you do."
Emmaline nodded. "Right. That's why Dadakiss told me that my princess glitter from Disneyland is only for special 'casions but he and Dadam can play with their glitter any time they want."
"When did he tell you that?" Dani asked, trying to keep from laughing. Kris and his sexual fetish about seeing Adam in glitter.
"Today. When he was playing with his chair." Emmaline giggled. "We should go see what Dadam thinks about the chair."
"We should."
Adam smiled as he saw the bright orange note paper with Kris' messy scrawl on it.
I hope we'll be back in this room making music together soon. By which I mean actual music because I've decided I want us to make my cd together. Mostly in this room. Where we'll also have lots of sex. On this chair. We may find glitter in odd places, though. Can this do over be over? I miss my chair. And you too, of course. K
"What game you and Dadakiss playing anyway?" Emmaline asked as she watched her father carefully fold up the note and put it in his wallet.
"It's kind of like hide and seek." Adam began to laugh as he looked more closely and realized there were orange glints on the chair. "Only with more glitter."
"And the paps people."
The next day:
"Fuckityfuckfuck!" Adam exclaimed. "Why did Lane think going out in public again was a good idea?"
"You have a way with the descriptive epithets. I mean, wow, what an amazingly varied vocabulary you have there." Neil grimaced as he saw why Adam was swearing as they neared the grocery store parking lot later that afternoon. Adam wanted the ingredients for some stupid cake. "We're about to be swarmed by paparazzi."
"One of these days..."
"Take a deep breath. And.."
"And what?"
"Remember that you have more money, better hair and most importantly.... a bigger dick than any of them."
Adam burst out laughing. "How would you know?"
"How would I know?" Neil winced. "I was in the other bedroom in that two bedroom suite in London, remember? Kris is rather vocal in his appreciation of your endowments."
"Hey, babe. It's not just what you've got, but what you do with it." Adam winked. "And yet, I've never heard any of your girlfriends talking about you like that. It's odd, isn't it? Same genetic material, same height, same build. And yet I'm the one who's been gifted--"
"Girls just don't talk like that."
"Ha!" Adam shook his head as he parked the car as close to the entrance as possible. "Women are way way dirtier than men when they talk."
"No way." Neil shook his head.
"Way. See, straight guys don't really know how women are. But women tell their gay BFFs everything, the same way they tell their girlfriends everything. And, bro, I mean everything."
"Dani wouldn't--"
"Do not talk about Dani and sex at the same time. Your crush on her creeps me out. Like a lot."
"Too bad. I missed my chance with Lane--"
"Lane?" Adam looked over at Neil and saw the amusement in his eyes. "Oh, thank fuck, you're joking. The two of you would have been a nightmare. Besides, Cale and Lane were meant to be. There was a reason she went to Petticoat Junction and met him."
"Yeah, you sent her there to check out Kris." Neil rolled his eyes. "You and your destiny schtick."
"No, seriously. I wouldn't have sent her out there if I hadn't had those bad experiences before. So I was meant to get some good karma and I spread it around by sending Lane out there, who put up with Pearline and her snakes, but met Cale. See? It's the karmic balance. Plus look at their names. They both have A, L, and E in their names. There's only one letter difference and in numerology--"
"STOP!" Neil groaned. "You're making my brain hurt and..." He glanced at his brother and saw the amusement in his eyes this time. "Well, actuallllly..." he drawled. "If you look at my name and Dani's full name, we have a lot of letters in common, so it's clear that destiny is also on our side. I've decided. You and Kris are my inspiration. Life is too short not to go after the one you love. I'm going to ask her out."
"Over my dead body."
"Speaking of dead bodies, you ready to run the gauntlet?"
"No. But let's go." Adam opened the car door.
"I admire your courage." Neil smiled at his brother.
"Just keep me from punching one of them."
"That's what I'm here for."
"You used a preposition on the end of the sentence."
"The spoken word doesn't have to be as grammatically correct as the written word."
"And in the case of the paps and tabloids, the written word doesn't have to resemble the truth."
"So throw a few truths out there and see what happens." Neil nodded as he and Adam took off.
"Are you going to forgive him?" The pap photographer screamed.
"How did it feel to know your partner was a whore?"
"Are you going to make him grovel?"
"Are you going to press charges?"
"Are you going to fire your manager?"
"Are you going to send him on a scavenger hunt?"
"Is it true he was paid five thousand a blowjob?"
"Are you going to kiss and make up on that island?"
"Are you going to make him wear glitter?"
Adam shook his head in exasperation and paused only long enough to say, "There are a few 'No' answers and a few 'Yes' answers to those questions. And there are a few 'Wow, that's a good idea' and a few 'What the hell is wrong with you people' answers. I'll let you speculate as to which questions get a no answer and which get a yes answer. Go ahead, use your imaginations. I'm sure you'd twist the truth anyway, so have at it."
That evening:
"Did he seriously just give them, like, a riddle?" John asked as he turned off the TMZ program.
"Me too, I think." Kris grinned. This game was actually pretty fun.
Cale shook his head. "What the hell are you two doing? Communicating via paparazzi?"
"And billboard?" John added. "By the way, that was a lot of glitter."
"It's not real glitter, just a photograph of glitter," Kris explained.
"Oh well then! That's completely different." John rolled his eyes.
"It is. Real glitter would flake off and get all over the place. And as much as Adam would love seeing glitter all over Santa Monica Boulevard -- probably a dream come true, in fact -- it's a safety hazard."
"You know this because you checked?" John surmised.
"Yeah. I had to be thorough." Kris grinned.
John sighed. "You know, Cale has a point. Why are you two communicating like this? Really?" He exchanged a look with Cale as Kris shook his head, then bent down.
Looking closely into the mirror behind the bar, Cale laughed. "I see that smile. You two are having fun with this, aren't you?"
John tilted his head to consider Kris' face. "Aha! You're right, Cale. The two of them are having fun... some sort of weird courtship thingee."
"They have a sick and twisted relationship," Cale observed. "Speaking of sick and twisted, how's that new piece of jewelry working out?"
Kris winced. "I hope Adam appreciates it---" He froze as the door opened. "What the hell?"
"Is that Dusty?" Rick asked. "Nah -- it's..."
"Hey, runt." Neil grinned and pulled off Adam's cap and wig. "I'm incognito. Lane's pissed that I'm doing this instead of her."
"Doing what?" Kris asked, staring curiously at the rectangular cake pan in Neil's hands. At least his hands were carrying a cake pan. It could be worse. And this conversation was not going to go well.
"I come bearing gifts. If you can call a dump cake a gift, that is."
"Cake?" Rick and John echoed.
"Get out the knife and some plates!" Craig urged. "I like me some of that dump cake."
"Dump cake?" Kris repeated as Neil set it down on the bar. "What..."
"Adam made it with his own two hands."
"Oh, maybe I don't need any of those calories..." Rick murmured, stepping back. Adam's inability in the kitchen was the stuff of many a Kris story.
"And what did you do to it on the way over?" Kris asked, tentatively picking at the aluminum foil wrapped around the corner. "Hey!" He protested when Neil slapped his hand.
"Not yet, runt."
"Don't call me that," Kris retorted automatically, then looked up. He hadn't heard a word from Neil this whole time and had no idea what he thought. "Then again, I guess that's the least of what you could call me."
"Runt is my loving nickname for you. Honestly, don't they teach anything in Arkansas schools other than how to make that pig holler?" Neil asked with a grin.
This conversation, Kris thought in confusion, was actually almost normal. "I'm confused."
"Okay. I saw you on Leno." Neil explained, "Actually, I also saw the footage they cut including the part where you talked about how Adam should know you were for real because you threw potatoes at me because I was being an asshole."
"Oh. I'm not gonna apologize for that. Then or now. You deserved it."
"I didn't think you would. Nor, in my case, do I think you should. You were honest and damn it, right. I deserved those potatoes. Truth is... I went too far with the teasing. You were right to call me on it." Neil sighed heavily. "And I also know you weren't what it looked like you were. I said that to him almost from the second I stepped in that room on New Year's Day."
"You can say the word. Whore. I can handle it. And .. Wow. You believed me from the beginning?" Kris asked in shock.
"I did". Neil paused, then went on. "I saw the way you looked at him when no one else was around. I saw the way you touched him, the way you kissed him. I saw how happy he was with you and that was for years. I know it was real. I know you were honest in your love for him."
"Well, yeah, I was honest," Kris said in a rush. "I always have been. Except for the little matter--" "
"Yeah. That. Little matter. Five thou a blow job, huh?" Neil teased, then froze, belatedly realizing Kris might have a tender spot about that. He was relieved when Kris flushed, but then rolled his eyes. Good. "But time's wasting and I've got bigger fish to fry."
"Like what?" Rick asked.
"Who is that and why is he up in my business?" Neil asked, frowning.
"It's a neighborhood bar," John explained. "We're all up in each other's business."
"Yeah, but no." Neil lowered his voice. "Anyway, here's the deal. I believed you about all of it. You were always a pain in my ass. That was real. And it would have been way easier for you to suck up to me, but instead you were a total asshole to me."
"You deserved it."
"I know. But focus. The cake is in return for the ice cream cake. It meant a lot to him. Hence the slaving over an oven while your mother supervised via Skype."
"No way!" Kris began to laugh. "He really does love me. And didn't he have anything better to do?"
"He's... cleared his calendar for the foreseeable future," Neil prevaricated. "If only to enjoy seeing what you're going to do next."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It's a great riff on the do over. Not the same, but the same pursuit? Great idea. No one has ever chased him like this."
"And he likes it?" Kris asked hopefully.
"He doesn't hate it."
Kris chuckled. "As good as it's gonna get from you, right?"
"Let me be clear. He loves it as much as he loves you. Which is a lot. I'll just say this -- If you ever hurt him again, I'll kick your ass all the way to that island the two you visited on vacation."
Kris froze. "Was that a hint?"
"An island might be involved."
"Which one?"
"If you want to find out..." Neil pulled back the aluminum foil covering the rectangular cake pan. "Start here."
"Coordinates. In icing..." Kris grinned and pulled out his phone to ascertain the location.
Late that night:
"Lane?" Kris asked as Lane and Neil walked into the Starbucks. "Isn't Adam coming?"
"Not tonight. We're meeting at night, not in the daytime, so it's different. I think if, when he does this over, it's going to be in the daytime too." Lane patted Kris on the shoulder as they all sat down at the table with the three cups of coffee on it. "But right now, this wound's still a little sore."
"Oh." Kris nodded. He was disappointed, but he could understand Adam not wanting to relive that moment just yet. Later, later they'd confront it together when not as much was at stake. Last time had been like magic for him and he'd realized it had been for Adam too, but the magic was gone from the moment for Adam. If he could find some way to give him back the magic...
"Plus Adam's already on a plane. So the do over is with Lane and a Lambert, just not the one who appreciates your glitter fetish." Neil smiled as he took the coffee Kris had clearly bought for Adam. "And the last time you weren't the one buying the coffee, were you?"
"No."
"Hey, do you want a muffin or something? Adam told me to buy you one because you look too skinny."
Kris shook his head. "That's an AdamandKris thing. And I'm too nervous right now. I might toss my cookies."
"Well, I'll pass on that delight. But we have something worth a lot more than thirty-eight cents and a muffin," Neil said in his deepest voice.
"What are you doing?" Lane asked, flicking Neil on the side of the head. "Trying to be Barnabus Collins in Dark Shadows?"
"Well, I do have an awesome ring." Neil handed Kris the small blue box.
"The ring? Why are you giving me back the ring?" Kris asked, hesitating to take the box.
"So you can ask him again. Properly. Properly is, I believe, the word he used." Lane pulled a large manila envelope out of her oversized leather bag. "And your mission, should you choose to accept it..."
"You've been waiting to say that your whole life, haven't you?" Kris asked, letting out a breath as he realized Adam was creating a twist on the do over. He leaned forward eagerly. "Which should I take first?"
"The little box." Neil shoved it towards Kris. "Remember you met here, then went geocaching on your next date and hey-- Adam never did give me my boots back."
"Can we focus on this critical moment in Kris' life, you fool?" Lane snapped. "I know that as the second child you've always felt the need to garner attention whenever you could, but--"
"Excuse me." Kris rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna open the box now. But wait -- did Adam like the ring? Or should I change it --"
"He loves it." Neil smiled. "Even that morning when he was heartbroken, I could see in his eyes that he loved the ring. Good job."
"Okay." Kris opened the box and smiled as he saw the slim roll of paper inside the ring.
"Read the damn note." Neil rolled his eyes as Kris sat there. "He labored over it for hours."
"He did?" Kris held his breath, then let it out on a confused sigh when he read it. "It says, 'Bring the ring, your passport, some warm layering clothes -- and NICE boots. Oh forget it, Lane will help you pack. Then go to the next location. Love, Adam.' And there's coordinates and...oh hell. It's my turn to go on a geocaching adventure."
"Yeah. Hopefully Adam won't set it up so that you end up in federal custody," Neil teased.
"Yes, let's hope. Here's your passport and plane tickets to the first location, then you'll pick up the next set of instructions -- well, you know the drill." Lane shoved the envelope at Kris.
"Wait. He labored over this for hours?" Kris touched the tiny note. "It says almost nothing."
"Really?" Lane asked with a smile. "I thought it said almost everything you need."
"You're right." Kris grinned and reached for his phone, his hands slippery with sudden sweat. "Where am I going? Where am I going...What? I'm going to the Lambert St. Louis Airport?"
TBC ---> Chapter 59.1: Do not be afraid...