[its only a vague reference to the whole]
it was one of those nights.
where i spent more time thinking about how important studying is with my face pressed against the carpet than actually studying.
where i checked livejournal every hour and decided updates were critical and imminent.
where i studied the ingredients lists to the little food i do have left [pack of muenster cheese, 879y37 packs of oatmeal, coffee creamer] to see if they were lactose free. im going to stop eating dairy.
4 cups of coffee later, i am this soggy, shivering mess, two chapters short of being prepared.
but honestly, beyond academics, this behavior is typical to this month. usually im dense to patterns, especially my own. i get so caught up in one occurence that i dont even think about comparing it to the next. so it becomes this dog-eating-own-shit cycle.
this month, not march, but the last 31 days, have been spent putting what i really want to do over what i need to do. dipping into the negative into my bank account because i wanted a pair of checkered vans. updating myspace because i wanted to clarify my e-personality and not really study. flying to california instead of letting my wisdom teeth holes heal properly. running to the thrift store and buying vinyl for a record player i don't have because ive been moping around for weeks and dusty records in spanish make me smile.
mostly, i think, and i see it in the faces of many, gainesville is building its resilient bubble around us. it makes me turn into this self-absorbed cranky college student. the 4 day escape to the west coast was not enough to break it. i need to get out and the summer isn't getting here fast enough.
last week was hard. this week isn't shaping up too well either. but im going to remain positive since i MIGHT get paid on friday and that would strike fiscal instability from one of the seemingly hopeless things plaguing me.
though all i really need is to feel the sun on my legs.
where i spent more time thinking about how important studying is with my face pressed against the carpet than actually studying.
where i checked livejournal every hour and decided updates were critical and imminent.
where i studied the ingredients lists to the little food i do have left [pack of muenster cheese, 879y37 packs of oatmeal, coffee creamer] to see if they were lactose free. im going to stop eating dairy.
4 cups of coffee later, i am this soggy, shivering mess, two chapters short of being prepared.
but honestly, beyond academics, this behavior is typical to this month. usually im dense to patterns, especially my own. i get so caught up in one occurence that i dont even think about comparing it to the next. so it becomes this dog-eating-own-shit cycle.
this month, not march, but the last 31 days, have been spent putting what i really want to do over what i need to do. dipping into the negative into my bank account because i wanted a pair of checkered vans. updating myspace because i wanted to clarify my e-personality and not really study. flying to california instead of letting my wisdom teeth holes heal properly. running to the thrift store and buying vinyl for a record player i don't have because ive been moping around for weeks and dusty records in spanish make me smile.
mostly, i think, and i see it in the faces of many, gainesville is building its resilient bubble around us. it makes me turn into this self-absorbed cranky college student. the 4 day escape to the west coast was not enough to break it. i need to get out and the summer isn't getting here fast enough.
last week was hard. this week isn't shaping up too well either. but im going to remain positive since i MIGHT get paid on friday and that would strike fiscal instability from one of the seemingly hopeless things plaguing me.
though all i really need is to feel the sun on my legs.