pimping goes~
LOOK LOOK LOOK AT THIS \o/
And by that I mean I HAVE TALES OF THE ABYSS PIMPING! Contains minor spoilers, the sort of stuff you already know if you follow Luke in camp at all. If you NEED CONVINCING to APP PLAY APP MY FUCKING CANON. Come HITHER.
Luke fon Fabre (age: 17)
You haven't met this fellow yet, but you will as soon as I get around to deaging him for it. Luke is the son of Duke Fabre, nephew of of King Ingobert VI, cousin to Natalia Several Last Names Here Lanvaldear. He's also engaged to her, and thus heir to the throne of Kimlasca-Lanvaldear.
...he's also lived the entirety of his life into a single manor and has no concept of the outside world, lucky he even knows the name of the ONE warring country. Luke is selfish, obnoxious, arrogant and seems to think he's the center of the known universe (probably because up until the GAME START he has been). He also, deep within his little replica heart, desires approval. Anyone's approval is good but mostly he would like Master Van's. Luke is a Master Van fanboy and spends most of the time he isn't using for whining talking about how awesome Master Van is.
The really, truly amazing thing about Luke is that even before he suffers a truly revolutionizing change of character, despite having virtually no positive traits, people still really genuinely like him. Guy, somehow, ends up loving the little brat. The maids and guards in his manor treat him with a range of friendship. He grows on the entire party up until a point, and even, in my experience, YOU THE PLAYER will love him despite his many, many flaws.
And then you know. Rocks fall. Everybody dies. And Luke ends up woobie and loving and wanting to save everyone and. Well. HAHA I APPED HIM FIRST.
Princess Natalia Luzu Kimlasca Lanvaldear (age: 19)
I don't know about you, but I like Princesses who genuinely, wholly, with-all-their-heart love their country and want to do everything in their power to make it better. I like those princesses MORE when they spend their free time fantasizing about the glory of being a noble, masked thief and then proceed to run around fighting battles in a tight leather outfit to live this dream. The fact that she ships her fiancé with Some Other Chick does also not get negative points, because quite frankly Natalia is badass enough to run Kimlasca all on her own.
Despite starting the game a little arrogant, she gets over it pretty damn fast. In under-a-dungeon fast, because unlike Luke, Natalia needs no extra hints to figure out people don't like bossy nobles. But like Luke, Natalia is very sincere and genuine in her emotions, and thus cares deeply for her friends and her people... and for a childhood love she can't and won't let go of. But! Despite occasional tears, she's in no way wishy-washy. Natalia is always the first to roll up her sleeves and do her part, whether it be healing the sick or racing Luke headfirst into random battle. Natalia also takes her title of Princess very seriously, and is well loved by all of her people, something she's actually worked her ass off for.
More friend than lover, Luke's known Natalia his entire life, and doesn't really think twice about the fact that he's supposed to marry his cousin. Mostly they argue about dumb things, like whose cooking is worse, and make very serious pinky-swear pacts with each other.
Why You Want to App Her
-Power to make Impassioned Speeches
-Cowboy costume... and thief costume... and skimpy bikini costume
-Healer character! And archer!
-My hand in marriage
Guy Cecil (age: 21)
Guy is the type of character who you are likely to not really pay much attention to until, seventy percent of the way through the game, you realize that somewhere along the line he became insanely awesome and you're NOT QUITE SURE WHY. Guy is subtle, stealthy, sexy. You'll learn more about him by watching the types of faces he makes while other characters are talking, or the movements he has during scenes than by what he says himself. MOST of the time these motions will be him FLEEING THE NEAR VICINITY OF WOMEN, as he has a horrible case of gynophobia, but everything about Guy, from his likes, to dislikes to seething hatreds are completely understated up until he gets around to punching people in the face.
Despite only being four years older, Guy raised Luke from a tiny replica and is something of a surrogate brother/bestfriend/mother to the kid. That's right! Guy taught Luke to walk, talk, and fail at being a responsible human being, so if bitchy!Luke bugs you for the first twenty hours of the game, now you know who to blame. Anyway, Guy's affection for his Master, coupled with the fact that he runs away from women whenever possible make them the gayest gay of the game. He is also the mom of the main party, married to Jade, he is frequently forced to be Exposition Man despite apparently just being a noble's servant.
He also has women in every port! Despite... not wanting them. They like to corner him and make him scream. It's pretty hilarious. But still, he he holds out hope!
Why You Want to App Him
-Gynophobia. Come on.
-He's quite possibly the perfect man if not for that fear of women thing
-Has a fetish
-You can be gay for me I KNOW YOU WANT TO
Locrian Sergeant Tear Grants, 1st Platoon, Oracle Knights Intelligence Division (age: 16)
Yes, you read that right, SIXTEEN. Which means nothing to you now but as you pay the game and find that Tear is RAW AWESOME you too will be amazed and astounded that she's younger than the main character (Sort of). Tear is intelligent, frank, and very-little-non-sense, but she does it all without having a stick up her ass. It's always refreshing to find a woman who can be strong and demanding without being a bitch, don't you agree?
As the sister to the main villain of the game, Tear has, perhaps, a Few Issues. Which never really stop her from her goal, and infact, she's the one who starts it when our lovely redhead is still cheering hard for Team Master Van. Ultimately though, Luke sort of switches his affections from one Grants to another, making Tear both Luke's personal hero and also the sole owner of his heterosexuality. Which is why I would like her in camp YESTERDAY please. Topping Luke is Tear's business, and she excels at it when she isn't getting distracted by how adorable Mieu is. Or. That maid costume you can put her in. ...or the cat costume you can also put her in.
Okay actually Tear, hard and aloof as she tries to be, really likes cute things. Including maybe shorthaired!Luke's. But mostly fire breathing monsters, and plushies, and cosplaying children who say meow~ Infact, she very possibly says socute in canon. You will have to play to verify this.
Why You Want to App Her
-Unlimited topping Luke rights
-Also probably Peony too
-Actually, she tops most people
-A+++ chest would grope again
-SINGS TO HEAL PEOPLE it's hot okay.
-Character with COMMON SENSE and an ability to react intelligently pretty much always YOU KNOW YOU WANT ONE
Ionian Sergeant Anise Tatlin, Oracle Knights Fon Master Guard (age: 13)
Anise is the most badass member of your team, she's also the smallest and cutest and the most likely to beat you up. Due to the fact that her parents are devote followers of the Order of Lorelei, they keep donating away all their money, leaving Anise to rake in all the dough. Anise takes this job very seriously, and when she isn't ninja looting the monsters or running a (relatively) harmless scam, she polishes her skills to snag a rich man, preferably a handsome one but otherwise old enough that he'll kick it relatively soon ♥
Anise IS genuinely cute, and she knows it. She's also sneaky, sly, conniving and prone to verbal abuse if you manage to tick her off. Her primary introduction in the game comes after she's hurled a hundred feet off the side of a land ship while screaming "I'LL KILL YOU BASTARDS" and the party has to hunt her down, only to find that she's constantly one step ahead of them. She's basically one of the most capable thirteen year olds you're going to find anywhere, ever.
It's rather fitting that the only man Anise never tries to get with of the main crew is the one she's most devoted to, Ion. Ion is the Fon Master of the Order of Lorelei (see below) and the boy Anise is sworn to protect from everything, including himself. Anise loev Ion, she lectures him when he pushes himself too hard, yells at him when he gets kidnapped (AGAIN), bitches about him when he's being dumb, but will rip out the spine of anyone else who speaks badly about him ♥
Why You Want To App Her
-.........she's a thirteen year old gold digger who beats people up from the back of a giant walking stuffed toy that she dresses up in matching outfits with IF I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU ARE HERE
Colonel Jade Curtiss, Commander of the Third Division of the Malkuth Imperial Forces (age: 36)
I'm. Probably not capable of describing Jade. Jade is one of those rare, amazing characters who is awesome in every way and whom you can really only define by his actions.
Jade is a super!genius, invented fomicry at age like, nine, tends to always know things before everyone else but NEVER TELLS ANYONE because he hates expositioning, and usually makes Guy do it when it's necessary. Jade's only apparent goal in the game is to be as cheerfully annoying as possible, and he will lie, cheat, abuse, tell the truth, misdirect or bring up embarrassing stories to accomplish this at any possible opportunity. Or, in his own words: "One does not develop a well rounded personality until their fourties. I'm working to develop a character to be remembered throughout the ages. To that end, I'm dedicating myself to driving you yongersters crazy."
He succeeds valiantly.
However, despite his uh, eccentric qualities, Jade is 100% certified fucking genius. And possibly somewhat sociopathic but I'll let you be the judge! None-the-less he's known as Jade the Necromancer in some circles, due to his fearsome power and the fearsome experiments he's conducted. As a MAGE TYPE Jade still kicks ass with a halberd he can summon out of THIN AIR, and also gets all the most powerful spells of the game. So. You know. If you WANT to app someone who can summon a giant lightning bolt out of the sky, or make it rain fire. There IS THAT. Also his belt has pac man on it.
Why You Want to App Him
-Top everyone but Peony, also Peony has assured me that sexings will be OKAY BY HIM should we ever get a Jade
-No really, free reign to be both superior AND annoying as possible.
-A range of unique qualities from "drugging friends for random experiment" to "making sudden and piercing emotional insights". Both of which are always fun.
Asch the Bloody (age: 17)
TECHNICALLY I probably shouldn't pimp for Asch. There isn't much I can say beyond the obvious: Asch is the original Luke fon Fabre, who was usurped from his cozy life as a noble by a REPLICA, a thing no one noticed, and he's SORT OF BITTER. But I REALLY WANT AN ASCH. MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. APP MY ORIGINAL SO LUKE CAN LOVE ON HIM. PLEASE.
Though initially it seems that, despite being identical, Asch and Luke have little in common, in reality Asch is dumb, just like Luke. And wooby, just like Luke. It's just somewhere along the line his face got permanently affixed in a >( position. But it's part of his charm, I swear.
But if you want more than that? You'll have to play the game. Getting to EXPERIENCE ASCH is one of the chief joys of ToA and I won't take it away from you, other than to say if you app him I will give you many many loving replica hugs which I will probably be beat up for but that's not the point.
Why You Want to App Him
-Everyone here should desire my eternal love
-Also LUKE'S eternal love
-Ability to brain rape the replica out of SHEER SPITE
-Ability to fail and bottom to everyone else
-Can cast almost all the same spells Jade can, and use all the same attacks Luke can, making him a conglomeration of badass if he wasn't such a failing failure.
And I WAS going to pimp for Ion and Mieu as well, I GENUINELY WANT THEM. Luke LOVES Ion, and… well. Mieu loves LUKE. But I’m tired so I’m stopping here. But you should app them too. Infact, Mieu is a tiny fire breathing fluffy mascot who Luke uses a projectile weapon, but he fully has a voice and a personality and is totally appable. But PLAY THE GAME and you will find out. And decide for yourself. Oh, and A Master Van is fine too.
Tales of the Abyss is a game for the Play Station 2. It is relatively cheap, and you can probably pick up a used copy somewhere. The subbing for it is fantastic, minus the fact that they didn’t sub the skits. And the annoying loading times mostly go away after the first major arc, I promise.
PLAY IT o/
And by that I mean I HAVE TALES OF THE ABYSS PIMPING! Contains minor spoilers, the sort of stuff you already know if you follow Luke in camp at all. If you NEED CONVINCING to APP PLAY APP MY FUCKING CANON. Come HITHER.
Luke fon Fabre (age: 17)
You haven't met this fellow yet, but you will as soon as I get around to deaging him for it. Luke is the son of Duke Fabre, nephew of of King Ingobert VI, cousin to Natalia Several Last Names Here Lanvaldear. He's also engaged to her, and thus heir to the throne of Kimlasca-Lanvaldear.
...he's also lived the entirety of his life into a single manor and has no concept of the outside world, lucky he even knows the name of the ONE warring country. Luke is selfish, obnoxious, arrogant and seems to think he's the center of the known universe (probably because up until the GAME START he has been). He also, deep within his little replica heart, desires approval. Anyone's approval is good but mostly he would like Master Van's. Luke is a Master Van fanboy and spends most of the time he isn't using for whining talking about how awesome Master Van is.
The really, truly amazing thing about Luke is that even before he suffers a truly revolutionizing change of character, despite having virtually no positive traits, people still really genuinely like him. Guy, somehow, ends up loving the little brat. The maids and guards in his manor treat him with a range of friendship. He grows on the entire party up until a point, and even, in my experience, YOU THE PLAYER will love him despite his many, many flaws.
And then you know. Rocks fall. Everybody dies. And Luke ends up woobie and loving and wanting to save everyone and. Well. HAHA I APPED HIM FIRST.
Princess Natalia Luzu Kimlasca Lanvaldear (age: 19)
I don't know about you, but I like Princesses who genuinely, wholly, with-all-their-heart love their country and want to do everything in their power to make it better. I like those princesses MORE when they spend their free time fantasizing about the glory of being a noble, masked thief and then proceed to run around fighting battles in a tight leather outfit to live this dream. The fact that she ships her fiancé with Some Other Chick does also not get negative points, because quite frankly Natalia is badass enough to run Kimlasca all on her own.
Despite starting the game a little arrogant, she gets over it pretty damn fast. In under-a-dungeon fast, because unlike Luke, Natalia needs no extra hints to figure out people don't like bossy nobles. But like Luke, Natalia is very sincere and genuine in her emotions, and thus cares deeply for her friends and her people... and for a childhood love she can't and won't let go of. But! Despite occasional tears, she's in no way wishy-washy. Natalia is always the first to roll up her sleeves and do her part, whether it be healing the sick or racing Luke headfirst into random battle. Natalia also takes her title of Princess very seriously, and is well loved by all of her people, something she's actually worked her ass off for.
More friend than lover, Luke's known Natalia his entire life, and doesn't really think twice about the fact that he's supposed to marry his cousin. Mostly they argue about dumb things, like whose cooking is worse, and make very serious pinky-swear pacts with each other.
Why You Want to App Her
-Power to make Impassioned Speeches
-Cowboy costume... and thief costume... and skimpy bikini costume
-Healer character! And archer!
-My hand in marriage
Guy Cecil (age: 21)
Guy is the type of character who you are likely to not really pay much attention to until, seventy percent of the way through the game, you realize that somewhere along the line he became insanely awesome and you're NOT QUITE SURE WHY. Guy is subtle, stealthy, sexy. You'll learn more about him by watching the types of faces he makes while other characters are talking, or the movements he has during scenes than by what he says himself. MOST of the time these motions will be him FLEEING THE NEAR VICINITY OF WOMEN, as he has a horrible case of gynophobia, but everything about Guy, from his likes, to dislikes to seething hatreds are completely understated up until he gets around to punching people in the face.
Despite only being four years older, Guy raised Luke from a tiny replica and is something of a surrogate brother/bestfriend/mother to the kid. That's right! Guy taught Luke to walk, talk, and fail at being a responsible human being, so if bitchy!Luke bugs you for the first twenty hours of the game, now you know who to blame. Anyway, Guy's affection for his Master, coupled with the fact that he runs away from women whenever possible make them the gayest gay of the game. He is also the mom of the main party, married to Jade, he is frequently forced to be Exposition Man despite apparently just being a noble's servant.
He also has women in every port! Despite... not wanting them. They like to corner him and make him scream. It's pretty hilarious. But still, he he holds out hope!
Why You Want to App Him
-Gynophobia. Come on.
-He's quite possibly the perfect man if not for that fear of women thing
-Has a fetish
-You can be gay for me I KNOW YOU WANT TO
Locrian Sergeant Tear Grants, 1st Platoon, Oracle Knights Intelligence Division (age: 16)
Yes, you read that right, SIXTEEN. Which means nothing to you now but as you pay the game and find that Tear is RAW AWESOME you too will be amazed and astounded that she's younger than the main character (Sort of). Tear is intelligent, frank, and very-little-non-sense, but she does it all without having a stick up her ass. It's always refreshing to find a woman who can be strong and demanding without being a bitch, don't you agree?
As the sister to the main villain of the game, Tear has, perhaps, a Few Issues. Which never really stop her from her goal, and infact, she's the one who starts it when our lovely redhead is still cheering hard for Team Master Van. Ultimately though, Luke sort of switches his affections from one Grants to another, making Tear both Luke's personal hero and also the sole owner of his heterosexuality. Which is why I would like her in camp YESTERDAY please. Topping Luke is Tear's business, and she excels at it when she isn't getting distracted by how adorable Mieu is. Or. That maid costume you can put her in. ...or the cat costume you can also put her in.
Okay actually Tear, hard and aloof as she tries to be, really likes cute things. Including maybe shorthaired!Luke's. But mostly fire breathing monsters, and plushies, and cosplaying children who say meow~ Infact, she very possibly says socute in canon. You will have to play to verify this.
Why You Want to App Her
-Unlimited topping Luke rights
-Also probably Peony too
-Actually, she tops most people
-A+++ chest would grope again
-SINGS TO HEAL PEOPLE it's hot okay.
-Character with COMMON SENSE and an ability to react intelligently pretty much always YOU KNOW YOU WANT ONE
Ionian Sergeant Anise Tatlin, Oracle Knights Fon Master Guard (age: 13)
Anise is the most badass member of your team, she's also the smallest and cutest and the most likely to beat you up. Due to the fact that her parents are devote followers of the Order of Lorelei, they keep donating away all their money, leaving Anise to rake in all the dough. Anise takes this job very seriously, and when she isn't ninja looting the monsters or running a (relatively) harmless scam, she polishes her skills to snag a rich man, preferably a handsome one but otherwise old enough that he'll kick it relatively soon ♥
Anise IS genuinely cute, and she knows it. She's also sneaky, sly, conniving and prone to verbal abuse if you manage to tick her off. Her primary introduction in the game comes after she's hurled a hundred feet off the side of a land ship while screaming "I'LL KILL YOU BASTARDS" and the party has to hunt her down, only to find that she's constantly one step ahead of them. She's basically one of the most capable thirteen year olds you're going to find anywhere, ever.
It's rather fitting that the only man Anise never tries to get with of the main crew is the one she's most devoted to, Ion. Ion is the Fon Master of the Order of Lorelei (see below) and the boy Anise is sworn to protect from everything, including himself. Anise loev Ion, she lectures him when he pushes himself too hard, yells at him when he gets kidnapped (AGAIN), bitches about him when he's being dumb, but will rip out the spine of anyone else who speaks badly about him ♥
Why You Want To App Her
-.........she's a thirteen year old gold digger who beats people up from the back of a giant walking stuffed toy that she dresses up in matching outfits with IF I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU ARE HERE
Colonel Jade Curtiss, Commander of the Third Division of the Malkuth Imperial Forces (age: 36)
I'm. Probably not capable of describing Jade. Jade is one of those rare, amazing characters who is awesome in every way and whom you can really only define by his actions.
Jade is a super!genius, invented fomicry at age like, nine, tends to always know things before everyone else but NEVER TELLS ANYONE because he hates expositioning, and usually makes Guy do it when it's necessary. Jade's only apparent goal in the game is to be as cheerfully annoying as possible, and he will lie, cheat, abuse, tell the truth, misdirect or bring up embarrassing stories to accomplish this at any possible opportunity. Or, in his own words: "One does not develop a well rounded personality until their fourties. I'm working to develop a character to be remembered throughout the ages. To that end, I'm dedicating myself to driving you yongersters crazy."
He succeeds valiantly.
However, despite his uh, eccentric qualities, Jade is 100% certified fucking genius. And possibly somewhat sociopathic but I'll let you be the judge! None-the-less he's known as Jade the Necromancer in some circles, due to his fearsome power and the fearsome experiments he's conducted. As a MAGE TYPE Jade still kicks ass with a halberd he can summon out of THIN AIR, and also gets all the most powerful spells of the game. So. You know. If you WANT to app someone who can summon a giant lightning bolt out of the sky, or make it rain fire. There IS THAT. Also his belt has pac man on it.
Why You Want to App Him
-Top everyone but Peony, also Peony has assured me that sexings will be OKAY BY HIM should we ever get a Jade
-No really, free reign to be both superior AND annoying as possible.
-A range of unique qualities from "drugging friends for random experiment" to "making sudden and piercing emotional insights". Both of which are always fun.
Asch the Bloody (age: 17)
TECHNICALLY I probably shouldn't pimp for Asch. There isn't much I can say beyond the obvious: Asch is the original Luke fon Fabre, who was usurped from his cozy life as a noble by a REPLICA, a thing no one noticed, and he's SORT OF BITTER. But I REALLY WANT AN ASCH. MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. APP MY ORIGINAL SO LUKE CAN LOVE ON HIM. PLEASE.
Though initially it seems that, despite being identical, Asch and Luke have little in common, in reality Asch is dumb, just like Luke. And wooby, just like Luke. It's just somewhere along the line his face got permanently affixed in a >( position. But it's part of his charm, I swear.
But if you want more than that? You'll have to play the game. Getting to EXPERIENCE ASCH is one of the chief joys of ToA and I won't take it away from you, other than to say if you app him I will give you many many loving replica hugs which I will probably be beat up for but that's not the point.
Why You Want to App Him
-Everyone here should desire my eternal love
-Also LUKE'S eternal love
-Ability to brain rape the replica out of SHEER SPITE
-Ability to fail and bottom to everyone else
-Can cast almost all the same spells Jade can, and use all the same attacks Luke can, making him a conglomeration of badass if he wasn't such a failing failure.
And I WAS going to pimp for Ion and Mieu as well, I GENUINELY WANT THEM. Luke LOVES Ion, and… well. Mieu loves LUKE. But I’m tired so I’m stopping here. But you should app them too. Infact, Mieu is a tiny fire breathing fluffy mascot who Luke uses a projectile weapon, but he fully has a voice and a personality and is totally appable. But PLAY THE GAME and you will find out. And decide for yourself. Oh, and A Master Van is fine too.
Tales of the Abyss is a game for the Play Station 2. It is relatively cheap, and you can probably pick up a used copy somewhere. The subbing for it is fantastic, minus the fact that they didn’t sub the skits. And the annoying loading times mostly go away after the first major arc, I promise.
PLAY IT o/