ITP: inexplicably competant ninjas
YUFFIE'S COMPLETE GUIDE TO ALL THE CRAP GOING ON AND HOW TO MAYBE DIE A LITTLE BIT LESS BY YUFFIE KISARAGI COPYRIGHT 2008 TO YUFFIE KISARAGI ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
OK, kids. Team Huddle. As you may have noticed, shit sucks and people are keeling over. In case you're, like, dumb, or living under a rock, or just came out of a coma, let's get you up to speed, right?
So here's your friend. We'll call him Steve Strife.
Whoops, except now Steve looks like this and he's all floppy and won't wake up and he's too cold and it's really completely freaky and sometimes his eyes are open and staring at nothing and it weirds me the fuck out it seriously does.
So what's doing it?
MIND FUCKS!
And who's responsible for the mind fucks?
Actually, I have no damn clue. But there are these two dudes that are kind of hanging around dicking off and not actually helping anyone. I don't know what they look like, but based on the detailed accounts of several eye-witnesses, here are some pictures I got off Google that probably won't help you at all. Please note the helpful note on the thing that I guess really isn't a chick at all. Pretend it is.
Anyway, going after them ain't gunna do crap, so don't bother.
Here's what you will want to go after.
Please note that this is not the actual wolf, but just a bitchin' picture I found on Google.
Here's that same bitchin' picture with Steve's floppy coma-body there for size comparison.
Holy crap! That's a big wolf.
Now this is where you guys come in. Unlike most places where there are inexplicably only a very limited number of people capable of fighting off crap, it seems like pretty much everyone and their mom's here can hold their own. This is neato torpedos, because Holy crap that's a big wolf. And also the lives of people we love are on the line and blah blah playing with life or death evil doers must be punished we all want a piece whatever but holy crap that is a big wolf.
Seriously, it's freakin' huge.
Now, before you actually get to fighting the wolf, you may see something like this.
Hilarious and/or slightly distressing as the mental image may be, feel free to punch your friend in the face until he turns into smoke and explodes.
ANYWAY, MOVING ON.
I know a few nights ago, that dude that talks funny had a poofy shirt was passing out swords. If swords aren't your thing I got some spare weapons of other kinds. No one's gunna get the real good stuff, thanks, but I want people equipped with what they should be using. So if you need gloves, staves, guns, spears, throwing knives or uh.... megaphones, come talk to me. I'm not even gunna charge you for the crap ones. You punks better be grateful!
And.... and... oh my gawd, I can't believe I'm saying this. AND A PARTY'S GUNNA BE TOTALLY BONED UNLESS YOU HAVE A HEALER. SEE?
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON'T HAVE A HEALER.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED IF YOU DO HAVE A HEALER.
AGAIN.
HEALER
NO HEALER
SO.
SO.
So if no one in your party can heal.
I MEAN NO ONE, OK.
ONLY IF YOU REALLY NEED IT.
I will loan you a cure Materia.
BUT I'M SO SO SO SO GOING TO BE WATCHING WHO TAKES WHAT YOU BETTER RETURN THEM I SWEAR I SWEAR I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH A NINJA NEVER FORGETS YOU GOT THAT NEVER SO DON'T EVEN TRY IT but seriously you guys don't be morons have a healer in your party.
Thaaaaat's about it, I guess.
Questions? Comments?
OK, kids. Team Huddle. As you may have noticed, shit sucks and people are keeling over. In case you're, like, dumb, or living under a rock, or just came out of a coma, let's get you up to speed, right?
So here's your friend. We'll call him Steve Strife.
Whoops, except now Steve looks like this and he's all floppy and won't wake up and he's too cold and it's really completely freaky and sometimes his eyes are open and staring at nothing and it weirds me the fuck out it seriously does.
So what's doing it?
MIND FUCKS!
And who's responsible for the mind fucks?
Actually, I have no damn clue. But there are these two dudes that are kind of hanging around dicking off and not actually helping anyone. I don't know what they look like, but based on the detailed accounts of several eye-witnesses, here are some pictures I got off Google that probably won't help you at all. Please note the helpful note on the thing that I guess really isn't a chick at all. Pretend it is.
Anyway, going after them ain't gunna do crap, so don't bother.
Here's what you will want to go after.
Please note that this is not the actual wolf, but just a bitchin' picture I found on Google.
Here's that same bitchin' picture with Steve's floppy coma-body there for size comparison.
Holy crap! That's a big wolf.
Now this is where you guys come in. Unlike most places where there are inexplicably only a very limited number of people capable of fighting off crap, it seems like pretty much everyone and their mom's here can hold their own. This is neato torpedos, because Holy crap that's a big wolf. And also the lives of people we love are on the line and blah blah playing with life or death evil doers must be punished we all want a piece whatever but holy crap that is a big wolf.
Seriously, it's freakin' huge.
Now, before you actually get to fighting the wolf, you may see something like this.
Hilarious and/or slightly distressing as the mental image may be, feel free to punch your friend in the face until he turns into smoke and explodes.
ANYWAY, MOVING ON.
I know a few nights ago, that dude that talks funny had a poofy shirt was passing out swords. If swords aren't your thing I got some spare weapons of other kinds. No one's gunna get the real good stuff, thanks, but I want people equipped with what they should be using. So if you need gloves, staves, guns, spears, throwing knives or uh.... megaphones, come talk to me. I'm not even gunna charge you for the crap ones. You punks better be grateful!
And.... and... oh my gawd, I can't believe I'm saying this. AND A PARTY'S GUNNA BE TOTALLY BONED UNLESS YOU HAVE A HEALER. SEE?
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON'T HAVE A HEALER.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED IF YOU DO HAVE A HEALER.
AGAIN.
HEALER
NO HEALER
SO.
SO.
So if no one in your party can heal.
I MEAN NO ONE, OK.
ONLY IF YOU REALLY NEED IT.
I will loan you a cure Materia.
BUT I'M SO SO SO SO GOING TO BE WATCHING WHO TAKES WHAT YOU BETTER RETURN THEM I SWEAR I SWEAR I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH A NINJA NEVER FORGETS YOU GOT THAT NEVER SO DON'T EVEN TRY IT but seriously you guys don't be morons have a healer in your party.
Thaaaaat's about it, I guess.
Questions? Comments?