(no subject)
You fail spectacularly at doing the coolest intro ever. Maybe the latest intro ever, but most certainly not the coolest.
Usually you would have no problem vowing these slack jawed yokels with your amazing moves and ice-cold demeanor, but today is a different matter. Because you have been trapped in some bizarre time-loop for quite some time now, forcing you to return to this one place over and over and OVER again. And every time the same thing happen: you enter the barn and they come tumbling down all over you like the cheeky motherfuckers they are, hills of soft, fuzzy, rainbow colored muppet junk all in your face. This is enough. This. Is. WAR.
So you do the thing that comes most natural- expend all your BOYGRIT to freeze the whole damn barn in a gigantic block of ice and then dice it into hundreds upon hundreds of tiny snow crystals. And while usually destroying large amounts of property WOULD be pretty cool, you quickly ruin the effect by running from the destruction while stomping and carving up every anatomically correct puppet in sight while you yell your head off.
-ivehundred years archaelogistsll uncover hillsides of carved up plush dicks here like its some castration cults fucking headquarters of penis-chop
the very fucking capital of ritualistic dongabuse
all arranged to spell out ”dave was here” so theyll know this is were it started
here began the first part of my legendary rampage that ended with this fucking place burned down
frozen
ground up and straight up undone began and maybe
just maybe
it will serve as fucking warning to future generations that it is enough with the goddamn puppetpenis!
Approach the unruly not-so-cool-right-now kid?