(no subject)
IT'S OKAY, BOXY IS HERE, VOTING CAN BEGIN-- o wait
THERE IS A TRIPLE at the end of this round. Please vote on it dudes and dudettes!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOOSED
Character: Dr. Clark/"Quack"/"Para-medic"
Series: Metal Gear Solid series
Job idea: Camp Nutritionist
Character Age: 34, as of Portable Ops
Canon: If The Boss invented modern espionage, then Para-medic is the woman who invented the modern battlefield medic. An eccentric doctor with an interest in genetic research, she was brought on Naked Snake's support team to do two jobs: to Save his game, and to walk him through using the Survival Viewer to maintain his Life and Stamina Gauges. This half of her job essentially boils down to trying to tell him what wild plants and animals are edible--but for the most part, what she has to say falls on deaf ears, as all Snake really wants to know is how everything tastes.
Luckily there's more to her life than her job. Para-medic is also a diehard movie fan, and she is prone to attempting to relate what bad 50's and 60's era movies have taught her as a way of giving advice to Snake--no matter how far-fetched it is. As for the nickname "Quack," her patients started calling her that because as a doctor...she never shuts up.
Sample Post:
Have any of you zombies ever seen "The Magnetic Monster?" Would you like me to tell you about it? ...No? Why not? It's a brilliant movie released in 1953, incredibly well-directed with compelling and imaginative ideas. When an unstable metal is treated with alpha particles, it starts to eat massive amounts of energy and growing in size. The movie bills it as a Cosmic Frankenstein. If two scientists don't feed it, it'll implode and cause a catastrophe, but if they keep feeding it, it'll keep growing and destroy everything! So they decide to overfeed it, "killing" it, and stabilizing the element. Do you know what that means?
It's a cautionary tale about watching what you eat. Any food you eat will fill your Stamina gauge, but how much it's filled depends on what you eat. If you only eat food with a poor nutritional value, you'll eat yourself to death trying to top off your Stamina. And if you can't fill up your Stamina, you'll barely be able to stumble around, much less move fast enough to catch anything else to eat. And your wounds won't heal very quickly--it's no wonder you don't have a Life bar left!
Brains are a start, but alone they don't fill any of your dietary needs. Sure, a zombie can live indefinitely on a diet of brains, but it isn't really living, is it? Instead of eating more, try to eat smarter--next time you sit down for a meal, try having some Tansy herb with your brain. According to the survival guide, Tansy grows in grassy wastelands, so you should be able to find some in the Clearing in the Center of Camp area. It's poisonous in large quantities, but the leaves and flowers can be used to make a wormifuge tea. That'll help get rid of any worms you have eating through your system. And the best part is, it has a strong smell that should help keep flies away! All in all, it's perfect for a zombie who's been out in the sun for a long time. If you can't find any Tansy, you could also try eating a Super Mushroom. They're also known as "Magic Mushrooms." The guide doesn't have much to say about it, but you can find them hidden inside of bricks. If you're creative, maybe you can find a way to knock one out... Anyway, when you eat the mushroom, it should give you a temporary growth spurt. With your new size, you really will be like the Magnetic Monster!
Once you've topped off your Stamina, you should finally be able to heal your wounds. If they still won't heal, you'll just have to try using some LIFE medicine--you can get some by holding up one of the doctors in the hospital.
...Oh, will you get serious?! LIFE medicine won't have a harmful effect on you just because you're a zombie. This isn't a game, this is real life. Now you go and get that LIFE medicine, push Start to enter the Survival Viewer, and heal yourself!
Poll Vote!
Character: Yuan
Series: Tales of Symphonia
Character Age: Physically somewhere around 28.
Job: Schemer of Epic Proportions and Sabotager of Your Cunning Plots (Event Planner)
Canon: Once upon a time, like the beginning of nearly every RPG ever played, a party of courageous young people set out to change the world, only to be thwarted from all sides by a seemingly endless supply of enemies. In this particular tale, our hero, Lloyd, found that one of his more irritating obstacles was an army that called itself the Renegades. The Renegades had no interest in telling anyone just what they were actually up to, or even what they were Renegades of, and their leader, Yuan, was even harder to deal with. Nonetheless, Yuan fed Lloyd and his friends enough information to - well, lead them into the occasional trap, but in the end he made his intentions clear and helped them save the world.
Yuan is a man who sees no practical, logistical, or moral problems in working with three opposing sides at once, which makes it impossible for anyone to guess who he's really helping. He also really likes to zap people with his amazing power to control the element of electricity, and that tends to add to the aggravation factor. Rumor has it that back in the day, he was actually a nice guy - nowadays he busies himself being a self-important asshole, and has passed many a dull afternoon by betraying those closest to him. It's not for fun; his plots have purpose, otherwise he wouldn't have the undying loyalty of hundreds of subordinates. He's just a jerk. A vindictive, sarcastic, grumpy jerk with a heart of g-- okay, no. But it's made out of a not-all-that-bad-really substance, anyway, because ultimately he'll do what he believes is right. And if he believes that in order to right some terrible wrong, you, innocent civilian, need to die, he won't hesitate to make that call. If he likes you he might even feel bad about it, but Yuan would be the first to tell you that he's outlived his ability to like pretty much anyone.
Sample Post: Greetings, campers-now is when I suppose I should say that it’s a pleasure to meet you all, but let’s cut straight to the point, shall we? My name is Yuan, and I’m not pleased about my assignment for today any more than any of you are. It’s my understanding that for the afternoon you will all be under my supervision, and as your new leader-only for the day, yes, I know-I’ll expect every single one of you to take orders without hesitation.
Now, line up-in three straight rows, if you will. I’ll take the names of the first in each line and address the rest as, “you there.” Perhaps “boy” or “girl,” as the case may warrant. You second order is this: don’t ask unnecessary questions. I am the camp planner; you do not need to know what we’re planning.
If this is all too much for you, do feel free to resign. In fact, I encourage you to do so. If you aren’t willing to risk death or dismemberment for the cause then I simply can’t be bothered to deal with you. All of you are welcome to volunteer for the alternate activity, which today happens to be an introductory course to canoeing. I wouldn’t blame you, it certainly sounds like a relaxing, challenging sport, and I’m told that the creature within the lake has been quiet, lately. Oh, no one’s leaving? I have no idea why that would be, you’d certainly have nothing to fear-you’ll be supervised by an instructor and armed with an oar, a perfectly suitable weapon, considering the circumstances. But I’ll take the fact that every single one of you has remained as an enthusiastic endorsement of my leadership.
Speaking of weapons, the direction has informed me that our unit has been armed with … water balloons. I guess I couldn’t expect more from a summer camp. This is the hardly the first time I’ve been forced to improvise, and if you handle those balloons with less than the proper care, I think you’ll find that the water inside them has been electrified. Don’t gawk, they’ll hardly kill-unless, I suppose, your victim has some soon to be tragic heart condition, but that’s not my concern, and I don’t recommend making it yours, either. These aren’t wounding weapons, they’ll only cause chaos and they’ll sting like a-
I beg your pardon?
-I don’t recall giving you permission to speak, girl, and when you do it anyway you interrupt me with mindless drivel such as that? No, we aren’t planning a picnic for the entire camp. What a ludicrous idea. I don’t care what you’ve heard, I don’t even give a damn as to what I’ve been told on the subject, because like hell am I wasting my time preparing food and entertainment for scores of simpering morons when I can think of dozens of things I’d rather be doing-for instance, peeling back each of my fingernails with a pair of rusty pliers. I have ten fingers, you can see I’ll need to mangle more digits than that to pass the allotted time, do I hear any volunteers from the peanut gallery? No? Then shut your flapping mouths and start working on the invitations.
... To the picnic, idiots, aren’t you paying attention? You’ll find crayons and construction paper right in front of you. Do try to make them festive, will you? No one’s going to show up if you aren’t even half convincing. And who wants to climb up in the trees with the balloons? It’s a task even the mindless could pull off, you’ll merely lie in wait until an enemy camper, or maybe even another counselor passes beneath you, and then-
Oh, I see, so now I get the volunteers. Put your hands down, you little savages, and get to work.
Poll Vote!
Character: Narumi Shouhei
Series: Devil Summoner: Raidou Kuzunoha vs. the Soulless Army
Character Age: Early 30s
Job: Time Management and Productivity Counselor
Canon: Set in an alternate Taisho-era Japan, Raidou Kuzunoha vs. the Soulless Army is the story of Kuzunoha Raidou the Fourteenth, latest in a long line of powerful Devil Summoners -- basically, they're like Pokemon trainers, but with demons. Raidou covers up his secret identity as a Devil Summoner by taking a day job at the Narumi Detective Agency, which specializes in unusual cases. So of course, when a teenaged girl requests a meeting with them, asks them to kill her, and then gets herself kidnapped, they immediately begin investigating. But this kidnapping is only a small part of a larger plot -- one involving military conspiracies, demonic possession, robots from the future, and zombie armies -- which threatens Raidou's entire universe.
Narumi is Raidou's boss, the head investigator (and only other member) of the Narumi Detective Agency. At first glance, he may appear to be your typical 1920s-ish PI -- he's got the lingo down, at least. He does more delegating than detecting, though, and can usually be found sitting around in the office while his assistant does the hard work. He also seems to be fond of running up large bills, which he never pays. He is, however, a genuinely nice guy, and not quite as lazy or irresponsible as he seems: when someone he cares about (and/or the world in general) is in serious danger, he'll do whatever he can to help, regardless of what it may cost him.
Sample Post:
I should've known from the start that this case was going to be trouble. Sure, it sounded normal enough at first... well, except that when I said I'd send my assistant over to check it out, the client insisted that I come myself -- said she "didn't want to wait for the next camper round." Wouldn't tell me what she meant by that, either. I admit that did make me wonder whether the dame was all there upstairs, but then she told me what she was offering to pay, and, well, I couldn't say no.
So I came here to meet with the client when exactly did they add this stop to the streetcar line, anyway? There weren't any swamps in Tokyo last I checked, but instead of meeting me herself, she sends some bozo in a bright purple gorilla suit. This bird sure has some strange employees. The gorilla-man wouldn't answer any of my questions, and wouldn't tell me where to find the client either. He just handed me this folder marked "Official Counselor Information" and lumbered off into the woods. I think he was getting a little too into the whole gorilla thing.
I'd hoped the folder would contain files about the case or something -- the client was pretty sparing with the details earlier, though she mentioned something about having information on over 600 suspects -- but no such luck. All that was in it was a note addressed to me that said "Congratulations, you are now this camp's Time Management and Productivity Counselor! It's up to you to teach all the little slackers how to get work done. Remember, the best way to learn is by teaching!" I don't know what any of that's supposed to mean, but it doesn't exactly help with the feeling that there's something fishy going on here.
-- Wait a minute, there's another piece of paper in this folder after all. ... "By the way, the money was a lie. But we're feeling generous, so we'll give you a weekly salary of 1 Canada (72 Oranges). Enjoy!"
... Right. Canada, huh. Somehow I doubt the landlady's going to accept that as payment. But hey, however strange this case is, at least it doesn't involve any armies of the undead.
Poll Vote!
Character: Dexter Morgan
Series: Dexter
Character Age: Early 30s
Job: Trash disposal
Canon: Dexter Morgan is many things to many people. To the Miami Police Force, he's the daily bringer of donuts and talented blood spatter analyst with the slightly morbid sense of humour. To his cop sister, he's the dependable big brother who's always there for her to bounce theories off. To his girlfriend, he's the loving boyfriend who may miss the point sometimes, but is wonderful with her two children. But to those who know him best, Dexter Morgan is their cause of death.
When Dexter was a boy, his policeman foster-father realised he was different. And 'different' in this case means a sociopath with murderous urges. So, like any good parent, he taught his dear Dexter that if he couldn't control the urge to kill, he should take it out only on society's trash: other serial killers. Dexter also learned to be meticulous in every detail so as not to leave clues and get caught. But mostly, he learned how to appear normal. Dexter spends his life acting, building up an image of himself as a lovable and friendly next-door-neighbour kind of guy, if one who keeps to himself a bit. The kind of guy you'd never suspect is a serial killer. Dexter finds the gap between his everyday life and his real one amusing, and is prone to making references to his secret that only he and the audience understand.
Sample post:
Ah, the stench of rotting plant life, log cabins echoing with the cries of countless unwilling children... this must be summer camp I'm looking for. I'm Dexter Morgan, the forensic expert from Miami you guys requested. You might want to check your computers though, it looks like they've got their wires crossed somewhere. It says on my pass here "trash disposal" instead of "blood spatter analyst". But hey, I am a man of many talents. You've got rubbish you want gone, I might just be able to help you out. You might even say getting rid of other people's trash is... one of my hobbies. But let's have a look at this Jane Doe of yours first. Or Jane Gorilla, as the case might be. You know I specialise in humans myself, but it's always nice to have a change. In the end, blood's still blood no matter what's doing the bleeding.
So, this is our girl then? Looks like someone's really done a number on her. This spray here? That's from the first strike, right into the chest like this. Then there's been a struggle, leading them along the path to here. But see, if this person was experienced in using a knife the lines would be much more nice and clean all along here. The movements would have been sharp and light. Even taking into account wrestling a wounded gorilla, there's no finesse to these movements. No elegance at all. I'd say you're looking at a crime of passion here. A spurned lover? Well, could be. I'd say pretty unlikely though, considering the simian nature of the deceased. I'd look into anyone with a history of primate-induced trauma, myself. But hey, I just read the bloodstains.
What I can tell you though, is you shouldn't be too worried about your perp moving onto human targets. This attack definitely seems aimed at this specific animal. If you're practicing for attacking a person, it doesn't make sense to go after a much harder target than any human could be. No, you'd want to go after something easier, maybe rabbits or deer. Oh, not that I'm an expert or anything, it's just one of my hunches. What you're looking for is someone who has a reason to hate these gorillas in particular. Have there been any incidents recently that might have triggered it?
... We're going to be here for a while aren't we.
Poll Vote!
Character: Cho Hakkai.
Series: Saiyuki.
Character's Age: 22.
Job: Moral Advisor.
Canon: In the East, there is a story of the land known as Shangri-La in which humans and youkai (aka demonds) live peacefully together. This all changes when the forbidden combination of the science of man and the magic of youkai starts to spread its way from the West, effecting the youkai who then berserk. The only ones not to lose their minds? A trio of not-quite-youkai who, through a series of crazy random happenstances, end up with a supposedly holy monk. Together, this quartet of dysfunctional individuals ride off into the sunset on an epic journey to bring peace back to the East.
Out of the four, Hakkai appears to be the most level-headed and easy-going, often cooking meals, doing laundry, and keeping the peace between the other volatile members of the group. Behind that charming smile of his, however, lays a sinner who is actually the most frightening person in the party. Originally a murderer named Cho Gonou, Hakkai is actually living what amounts to a new life thanks to the intervention of the great Genjou Sanzo, 31st of China. That's not to say that he's completely saintly now, but he's far more likely to give a helpful warning coupled with a lame or perhaps morbid joke. He'll also give a smile and display frighteningly polite mannerisms when he want to cut a bitch. It is often because of this that the rest of the group pretty much does as Hakkai asks. Because if Hakkai asks you to do something, it really is not a request.
Sample Post:
My, what an interesting place everyone's ended up in! It really shouldn't be such a surprise but -- ah, first allow me to introduce myself. I am Cho Hakkai and while here, I will be helping the campers with problems of a moral nature. It's a fairly vague task, but I'm sure we can all come to an understanding of sorts. For instance, I can safely say that if a person asks themselves if they should carry out a certain morally questionable act, some would tell them to reconsider. This is, of course, not entirely true as certain... bothersome aspects of this camp make things just a bit more complicated.
I'm sure you all know the limitations set in place, especially in regards to sexual acts. As frustrating as it may be to curb interests, I can point out that you do have the option of having an amount of fulfillment. That is, if you do not mind the loving embraces of the many interesting flora and fauna that reside here. They seem to be very accommodating in regards to helping you with those urges, but of course, this entirely your choice. I'm sure not very many people will judge you for it. After all, even the people here seem very flexible in their preferences.
In addition to the more lively creatures here, there appear to be animated corpses, so it is likely that death is not as permanent here as others would have you believe. As this is the case, you may have found yourself considering testing the limits a little on people you're not especially fond of. While I'm glad that there are people with a healthy interest in the scientific method, I will sadly have to remind you that if they come back to life, it'll be that much more troublesome. Dead men tell no tales, but those that revive tend to talk your ear off! It would be best just to set aside thoughts of homicide and wait until you're able to have death stick a little better.
Ah, but no offense is intended to any of the zombies, of course. I understand that they really don't have much of a choice in the matter. After all, we all need to eat to survive and if your diet is brains, then killing would be unavoidable, isn't that right? I'm sure that the rest of the animalia in this camp have similar reasons for carrying out the particular actions which seems unique to their environment. What campers must remember, however, is that they are not zombies, tentacle monsters, or hairy purple gorillas -- or so I've come to understand -- and should always consider the consequences of their actions. With that said, I'm sure you'll be fine. If I may gather the rest of my traveling party and go?
Eh? A barrier? ... Well, won't this be an entertaining side-trip. I suppose the Director won't mind hearing my few words of complaint for the duration of my stay here. ♥
Character: Cho Hakkai
Series: Saiyuki & Saiyuki Reload
Age: 23
Job: Alcoholic Beverages Consumption Monitor
Canon: Our story takes place in Shangri-La, where demons and humans used to co-exist peacefully until a Minus Wave started to drive the demons insane. The Three Aspects of Buddha ordered monk Genjyo Sanzo to travel to India and put an end to this, as well as to the impending resurrection of the Ox Demon King. Thus, the Sanzo party (consisting of himself, Son Goku, Sha Gojyo and Cho Hakkai) was formed, and their magical journey to the west began.
At first glance, Hakkai appears to be The Level-headed Member of the group. Often likened to an "old man," this former teacher with a glass eye is very polite, responsible and prone to mother-hen the people he cares about. However, upon spending more than ten minutes around him, one will realize that Hakkai is also a particularly quirky person. His many talents include cooking, lock-picking, gambling and being able to drink like a fish without his inebriation ever showing, amongst others. As if that wasn't enough, he also posesses a lame, punny sense of humour, and a sadistic, vengeful, creepy streak that makes him the number one person the Sanzo party absolutely does not want to cross. Really, when it comes to being a special snowflake, Hakkai takes the cake and eats it too.
Sample Post:
Good day, everyone! It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Cho Hakkai and from today on I will be working as camp's Alcoholic Beverages Consumption Monitor. I hope we can all get along! Despite this not being exactly my field of expertise, I will work hard at it; I do have first-hand experience in dealing with ill-mannered, inconsiderate drinkers on a regular basis, although I hope I won't have to put it to use with any of you. ♥
According to the reports I was given upon my arrival, it appears most people have been fairly mature about the usage of this substance since the ban was lifted. This is certainly admirable! However, there is still a small percentage of the camp population who continues to behave irresponsibly in regards to drinking, such as drunken squirrels vandalizing toucans' nests - drunken underaged squirrels, my! Clearly we must put a stop to it, and that's why I will talk to you today about the reasons why we should all be careful when partaking of alcohol, and set a good example for the small animals.
It is said that drinking alcohol can have positive effects on one's health, but please keep in mind that consuming alcohol immoderately is very likely to cause blackouts, which can be not only confusing but terribly awkward for people. I'm sure none of us would like to find themselves waking up between a goat and a gorilla without having any recollection of the events that may have led to this, now would we~? Other short-term effects of alcohol can be terribly embarrassing for family and friends - they might refuse to pay for your bail or even your hospital fees should you become involved in a fist-fight with, say, an unsuspecting boxing kangaroo. And if we go into long-term consequences, it is very possible that you will end up resembling Mr. Uwarrrgh over there in a few years. Poor Mr. Uwarrrgh does not seem to be aware that neurons do not regenerate -- or that's what his clamors for 'brains' lead me to believe, at any rate...
--Ah! This is getting a little long-winded, isn't it? Thank you for listening until the end. Next time we'll talk about home-made hangover remedies! To wrap things up, I would like to point out that although I do enjoy all sorts of alcoholic beverages, I won't turn my blind eye to any sort of alcohol abuse even if you should invite me with a drink. You see, I can hold my liquor better than most... Which means that, in a worst case scenario, I may just end up drinking all of it, ha ha ha! So, let's all exercise responsibility when drinking! As the proverb says, "sweet is the wine but sour is the payment."
And I assure you - I can be quite the sourpuss when displeased.
Character name: Cho Hakkai
Series: Saiyuki
Age: 23
Job: Elementary Education Specialist
Canon: When there's something strange happenin' in the West, who you gonna call? The Sanzo Ikkou! Or at least that's what drives the plot of Saiyuki, the tale of four traveling companions-a monk, a half-youkai, a 500-year-old earth spirit, and a mass murderer human-turned-youkai-to hop into their aptly named dragon, Jeep, and head west.
Everyone's friendly neighborhood mass-murderer, Cho Hakkai is a man who, when he heard that youkai had captured his sister-slash-lover, turned from a gentle neighborhood teacher to an enraged killer, only stopping after witnessing his sister's suicide and-because he had bathed in the blood of a thousand youkai-turning into a youkai himself. Despite his inner turmoil regarding his own existence as the very same race which he once so hated, his overwhelming guilt at the acts he committed that made him that way, Hakkai is outwardly a pleasant, genial, and polite individual. He often speaks quite formally, which means putting himself at a lower position in order to elevate the person he's speaking with, something that, due to his guilt complex, he's quite comfortable with. Hakkai seems to always have a smile on his face and at times acts as the peacekeeper and mediator between his somewhat rambunctious travel companions. But don't let the polite demeanor fool you, he's just as fond of remarking on the appealing color of blood as he is of word-play and truly horrific puns. He is, after all, the Ikkou's favorite sociopath. ♥
Sample Entry:
The goal was to go west at first, but I can't help but feel as though we might have overdone it a little. The humidity here is really making it quite difficult to re-orient myself, not to mention the decaying members of the populace. Ah-I apologize for the bother about that, sirs, but Jeep isn't the sort of vehicle that accepts carrion baggage. Though I suppose there really is no need for it now. I certainly hadn't expected to find an establishment in this place, yet alone one where I would be offered a place to stay as well as an occupation to assist with expenses. I am truly grateful for Madame Director's gracious hospitality. The occupation itself does seem a little troubling though; as I tried to explain to her, it has been more than two years since I have taught a formal classroom. However she didn't seem very intent on listening. I'd never expect such sharp words from a woman so blunt, but I suppose it can't be helped.
Ah, I suppose I am getting a little head of myself. And I haven't even properly introduced myself. Well, my apologies for the delay, but my name is Cho Hakkai; it's a pleasure to meet you all. As I mentioned earlier, from now on I will be taking up the position of your elementary education instructor, so please, let's try to do our best. Though it's called "elementary" education, it seems as though the resources we have been provided with are a bit closer to "primitive." Since Madame Director has already done us the service of providing a place to study, I would hate to burden her with a request for either tables or chairs. In the meantime, we'll just have to adapt a more intimate classroom setting. Now, could everyone please quiet down and be seated on the floor? If I am to be your instructor, I wouldn't want to waste any time in beginning our lessons.
I had hoped to begin the day with some simple arithmetic, but it seems as though my intended visual aids aren't quite what I expected. The blood orange trees in this area had looked like they would be a fruitful place to find examples for a few addition and multiplication exercises, but when I attempted a division problem on one of them, the result was somewhat unexpected. I have seen a good variety of oranges before, but none that took their name quite so literally. It really is a shame-bloodstains are quite difficult to get out, after all-but I still didn't want to put them to waste. Therefore, I hope you don't mind the bowl of them I've set aside. The smell might not quite be the same as potpourri, but it certainly is fragrant, isn't it?
I may not have been able to procure proper supplies for a study in arithmetic, but Madame Director did see fit to supply me with several volumes on biology from her own collection. They are slightly more rudimentary than the course I had hoped to give, but it would be rude if I meant not to put them to use. They do always say that there's always something to be learned from returning to the basics, particularly in the field of biology. Now, children, if you would, please repeat after me. "The cowbot goes 'mooo.'" Ah, very good. Next, "The tentacle monster goes for the pretty boys." Ahaha, that is something of a strange example, isn't it? Perhaps the next one, "The campers go 'kyaaa.'" It doesn't seem to be much better, does it?
This really is too unfortunate. I had hoped Madame Director's books would prove useful, but if we approach biology at this kind of wrecked angle, I don't know if there will be much hope to gain a square account of the way things work. Plus, with this sort of problem, it seems the only way to find a solution would be have to take it up with our ruler to have her set things straight.
Poll Vote!
THERE IS A TRIPLE at the end of this round. Please vote on it dudes and dudettes!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOOSED
Character: Dr. Clark/"Quack"/"Para-medic"
Series: Metal Gear Solid series
Job idea: Camp Nutritionist
Character Age: 34, as of Portable Ops
Canon: If The Boss invented modern espionage, then Para-medic is the woman who invented the modern battlefield medic. An eccentric doctor with an interest in genetic research, she was brought on Naked Snake's support team to do two jobs: to Save his game, and to walk him through using the Survival Viewer to maintain his Life and Stamina Gauges. This half of her job essentially boils down to trying to tell him what wild plants and animals are edible--but for the most part, what she has to say falls on deaf ears, as all Snake really wants to know is how everything tastes.
Luckily there's more to her life than her job. Para-medic is also a diehard movie fan, and she is prone to attempting to relate what bad 50's and 60's era movies have taught her as a way of giving advice to Snake--no matter how far-fetched it is. As for the nickname "Quack," her patients started calling her that because as a doctor...she never shuts up.
Sample Post:
Have any of you zombies ever seen "The Magnetic Monster?" Would you like me to tell you about it? ...No? Why not? It's a brilliant movie released in 1953, incredibly well-directed with compelling and imaginative ideas. When an unstable metal is treated with alpha particles, it starts to eat massive amounts of energy and growing in size. The movie bills it as a Cosmic Frankenstein. If two scientists don't feed it, it'll implode and cause a catastrophe, but if they keep feeding it, it'll keep growing and destroy everything! So they decide to overfeed it, "killing" it, and stabilizing the element. Do you know what that means?
It's a cautionary tale about watching what you eat. Any food you eat will fill your Stamina gauge, but how much it's filled depends on what you eat. If you only eat food with a poor nutritional value, you'll eat yourself to death trying to top off your Stamina. And if you can't fill up your Stamina, you'll barely be able to stumble around, much less move fast enough to catch anything else to eat. And your wounds won't heal very quickly--it's no wonder you don't have a Life bar left!
Brains are a start, but alone they don't fill any of your dietary needs. Sure, a zombie can live indefinitely on a diet of brains, but it isn't really living, is it? Instead of eating more, try to eat smarter--next time you sit down for a meal, try having some Tansy herb with your brain. According to the survival guide, Tansy grows in grassy wastelands, so you should be able to find some in the Clearing in the Center of Camp area. It's poisonous in large quantities, but the leaves and flowers can be used to make a wormifuge tea. That'll help get rid of any worms you have eating through your system. And the best part is, it has a strong smell that should help keep flies away! All in all, it's perfect for a zombie who's been out in the sun for a long time. If you can't find any Tansy, you could also try eating a Super Mushroom. They're also known as "Magic Mushrooms." The guide doesn't have much to say about it, but you can find them hidden inside of bricks. If you're creative, maybe you can find a way to knock one out... Anyway, when you eat the mushroom, it should give you a temporary growth spurt. With your new size, you really will be like the Magnetic Monster!
Once you've topped off your Stamina, you should finally be able to heal your wounds. If they still won't heal, you'll just have to try using some LIFE medicine--you can get some by holding up one of the doctors in the hospital.
...Oh, will you get serious?! LIFE medicine won't have a harmful effect on you just because you're a zombie. This isn't a game, this is real life. Now you go and get that LIFE medicine, push Start to enter the Survival Viewer, and heal yourself!
Poll Vote!
Character: Yuan
Series: Tales of Symphonia
Character Age: Physically somewhere around 28.
Job: Schemer of Epic Proportions and Sabotager of Your Cunning Plots (Event Planner)
Canon: Once upon a time, like the beginning of nearly every RPG ever played, a party of courageous young people set out to change the world, only to be thwarted from all sides by a seemingly endless supply of enemies. In this particular tale, our hero, Lloyd, found that one of his more irritating obstacles was an army that called itself the Renegades. The Renegades had no interest in telling anyone just what they were actually up to, or even what they were Renegades of, and their leader, Yuan, was even harder to deal with. Nonetheless, Yuan fed Lloyd and his friends enough information to - well, lead them into the occasional trap, but in the end he made his intentions clear and helped them save the world.
Yuan is a man who sees no practical, logistical, or moral problems in working with three opposing sides at once, which makes it impossible for anyone to guess who he's really helping. He also really likes to zap people with his amazing power to control the element of electricity, and that tends to add to the aggravation factor. Rumor has it that back in the day, he was actually a nice guy - nowadays he busies himself being a self-important asshole, and has passed many a dull afternoon by betraying those closest to him. It's not for fun; his plots have purpose, otherwise he wouldn't have the undying loyalty of hundreds of subordinates. He's just a jerk. A vindictive, sarcastic, grumpy jerk with a heart of g-- okay, no. But it's made out of a not-all-that-bad-really substance, anyway, because ultimately he'll do what he believes is right. And if he believes that in order to right some terrible wrong, you, innocent civilian, need to die, he won't hesitate to make that call. If he likes you he might even feel bad about it, but Yuan would be the first to tell you that he's outlived his ability to like pretty much anyone.
Sample Post: Greetings, campers-now is when I suppose I should say that it’s a pleasure to meet you all, but let’s cut straight to the point, shall we? My name is Yuan, and I’m not pleased about my assignment for today any more than any of you are. It’s my understanding that for the afternoon you will all be under my supervision, and as your new leader-only for the day, yes, I know-I’ll expect every single one of you to take orders without hesitation.
Now, line up-in three straight rows, if you will. I’ll take the names of the first in each line and address the rest as, “you there.” Perhaps “boy” or “girl,” as the case may warrant. You second order is this: don’t ask unnecessary questions. I am the camp planner; you do not need to know what we’re planning.
If this is all too much for you, do feel free to resign. In fact, I encourage you to do so. If you aren’t willing to risk death or dismemberment for the cause then I simply can’t be bothered to deal with you. All of you are welcome to volunteer for the alternate activity, which today happens to be an introductory course to canoeing. I wouldn’t blame you, it certainly sounds like a relaxing, challenging sport, and I’m told that the creature within the lake has been quiet, lately. Oh, no one’s leaving? I have no idea why that would be, you’d certainly have nothing to fear-you’ll be supervised by an instructor and armed with an oar, a perfectly suitable weapon, considering the circumstances. But I’ll take the fact that every single one of you has remained as an enthusiastic endorsement of my leadership.
Speaking of weapons, the direction has informed me that our unit has been armed with … water balloons. I guess I couldn’t expect more from a summer camp. This is the hardly the first time I’ve been forced to improvise, and if you handle those balloons with less than the proper care, I think you’ll find that the water inside them has been electrified. Don’t gawk, they’ll hardly kill-unless, I suppose, your victim has some soon to be tragic heart condition, but that’s not my concern, and I don’t recommend making it yours, either. These aren’t wounding weapons, they’ll only cause chaos and they’ll sting like a-
I beg your pardon?
-I don’t recall giving you permission to speak, girl, and when you do it anyway you interrupt me with mindless drivel such as that? No, we aren’t planning a picnic for the entire camp. What a ludicrous idea. I don’t care what you’ve heard, I don’t even give a damn as to what I’ve been told on the subject, because like hell am I wasting my time preparing food and entertainment for scores of simpering morons when I can think of dozens of things I’d rather be doing-for instance, peeling back each of my fingernails with a pair of rusty pliers. I have ten fingers, you can see I’ll need to mangle more digits than that to pass the allotted time, do I hear any volunteers from the peanut gallery? No? Then shut your flapping mouths and start working on the invitations.
... To the picnic, idiots, aren’t you paying attention? You’ll find crayons and construction paper right in front of you. Do try to make them festive, will you? No one’s going to show up if you aren’t even half convincing. And who wants to climb up in the trees with the balloons? It’s a task even the mindless could pull off, you’ll merely lie in wait until an enemy camper, or maybe even another counselor passes beneath you, and then-
Oh, I see, so now I get the volunteers. Put your hands down, you little savages, and get to work.
Poll Vote!
Character: Narumi Shouhei
Series: Devil Summoner: Raidou Kuzunoha vs. the Soulless Army
Character Age: Early 30s
Job: Time Management and Productivity Counselor
Canon: Set in an alternate Taisho-era Japan, Raidou Kuzunoha vs. the Soulless Army is the story of Kuzunoha Raidou the Fourteenth, latest in a long line of powerful Devil Summoners -- basically, they're like Pokemon trainers, but with demons. Raidou covers up his secret identity as a Devil Summoner by taking a day job at the Narumi Detective Agency, which specializes in unusual cases. So of course, when a teenaged girl requests a meeting with them, asks them to kill her, and then gets herself kidnapped, they immediately begin investigating. But this kidnapping is only a small part of a larger plot -- one involving military conspiracies, demonic possession, robots from the future, and zombie armies -- which threatens Raidou's entire universe.
Narumi is Raidou's boss, the head investigator (and only other member) of the Narumi Detective Agency. At first glance, he may appear to be your typical 1920s-ish PI -- he's got the lingo down, at least. He does more delegating than detecting, though, and can usually be found sitting around in the office while his assistant does the hard work. He also seems to be fond of running up large bills, which he never pays. He is, however, a genuinely nice guy, and not quite as lazy or irresponsible as he seems: when someone he cares about (and/or the world in general) is in serious danger, he'll do whatever he can to help, regardless of what it may cost him.
Sample Post:
I should've known from the start that this case was going to be trouble. Sure, it sounded normal enough at first... well, except that when I said I'd send my assistant over to check it out, the client insisted that I come myself -- said she "didn't want to wait for the next camper round." Wouldn't tell me what she meant by that, either. I admit that did make me wonder whether the dame was all there upstairs, but then she told me what she was offering to pay, and, well, I couldn't say no.
So I came here to meet with the client when exactly did they add this stop to the streetcar line, anyway? There weren't any swamps in Tokyo last I checked, but instead of meeting me herself, she sends some bozo in a bright purple gorilla suit. This bird sure has some strange employees. The gorilla-man wouldn't answer any of my questions, and wouldn't tell me where to find the client either. He just handed me this folder marked "Official Counselor Information" and lumbered off into the woods. I think he was getting a little too into the whole gorilla thing.
I'd hoped the folder would contain files about the case or something -- the client was pretty sparing with the details earlier, though she mentioned something about having information on over 600 suspects -- but no such luck. All that was in it was a note addressed to me that said "Congratulations, you are now this camp's Time Management and Productivity Counselor! It's up to you to teach all the little slackers how to get work done. Remember, the best way to learn is by teaching!" I don't know what any of that's supposed to mean, but it doesn't exactly help with the feeling that there's something fishy going on here.
-- Wait a minute, there's another piece of paper in this folder after all. ... "By the way, the money was a lie. But we're feeling generous, so we'll give you a weekly salary of 1 Canada (72 Oranges). Enjoy!"
... Right. Canada, huh. Somehow I doubt the landlady's going to accept that as payment. But hey, however strange this case is, at least it doesn't involve any armies of the undead.
Poll Vote!
Character: Dexter Morgan
Series: Dexter
Character Age: Early 30s
Job: Trash disposal
Canon: Dexter Morgan is many things to many people. To the Miami Police Force, he's the daily bringer of donuts and talented blood spatter analyst with the slightly morbid sense of humour. To his cop sister, he's the dependable big brother who's always there for her to bounce theories off. To his girlfriend, he's the loving boyfriend who may miss the point sometimes, but is wonderful with her two children. But to those who know him best, Dexter Morgan is their cause of death.
When Dexter was a boy, his policeman foster-father realised he was different. And 'different' in this case means a sociopath with murderous urges. So, like any good parent, he taught his dear Dexter that if he couldn't control the urge to kill, he should take it out only on society's trash: other serial killers. Dexter also learned to be meticulous in every detail so as not to leave clues and get caught. But mostly, he learned how to appear normal. Dexter spends his life acting, building up an image of himself as a lovable and friendly next-door-neighbour kind of guy, if one who keeps to himself a bit. The kind of guy you'd never suspect is a serial killer. Dexter finds the gap between his everyday life and his real one amusing, and is prone to making references to his secret that only he and the audience understand.
Sample post:
Ah, the stench of rotting plant life, log cabins echoing with the cries of countless unwilling children... this must be summer camp I'm looking for. I'm Dexter Morgan, the forensic expert from Miami you guys requested. You might want to check your computers though, it looks like they've got their wires crossed somewhere. It says on my pass here "trash disposal" instead of "blood spatter analyst". But hey, I am a man of many talents. You've got rubbish you want gone, I might just be able to help you out. You might even say getting rid of other people's trash is... one of my hobbies. But let's have a look at this Jane Doe of yours first. Or Jane Gorilla, as the case might be. You know I specialise in humans myself, but it's always nice to have a change. In the end, blood's still blood no matter what's doing the bleeding.
So, this is our girl then? Looks like someone's really done a number on her. This spray here? That's from the first strike, right into the chest like this. Then there's been a struggle, leading them along the path to here. But see, if this person was experienced in using a knife the lines would be much more nice and clean all along here. The movements would have been sharp and light. Even taking into account wrestling a wounded gorilla, there's no finesse to these movements. No elegance at all. I'd say you're looking at a crime of passion here. A spurned lover? Well, could be. I'd say pretty unlikely though, considering the simian nature of the deceased. I'd look into anyone with a history of primate-induced trauma, myself. But hey, I just read the bloodstains.
What I can tell you though, is you shouldn't be too worried about your perp moving onto human targets. This attack definitely seems aimed at this specific animal. If you're practicing for attacking a person, it doesn't make sense to go after a much harder target than any human could be. No, you'd want to go after something easier, maybe rabbits or deer. Oh, not that I'm an expert or anything, it's just one of my hunches. What you're looking for is someone who has a reason to hate these gorillas in particular. Have there been any incidents recently that might have triggered it?
... We're going to be here for a while aren't we.
Poll Vote!
Character: Cho Hakkai.
Series: Saiyuki.
Character's Age: 22.
Job: Moral Advisor.
Canon: In the East, there is a story of the land known as Shangri-La in which humans and youkai (aka demonds) live peacefully together. This all changes when the forbidden combination of the science of man and the magic of youkai starts to spread its way from the West, effecting the youkai who then berserk. The only ones not to lose their minds? A trio of not-quite-youkai who, through a series of crazy random happenstances, end up with a supposedly holy monk. Together, this quartet of dysfunctional individuals ride off into the sunset on an epic journey to bring peace back to the East.
Out of the four, Hakkai appears to be the most level-headed and easy-going, often cooking meals, doing laundry, and keeping the peace between the other volatile members of the group. Behind that charming smile of his, however, lays a sinner who is actually the most frightening person in the party. Originally a murderer named Cho Gonou, Hakkai is actually living what amounts to a new life thanks to the intervention of the great Genjou Sanzo, 31st of China. That's not to say that he's completely saintly now, but he's far more likely to give a helpful warning coupled with a lame or perhaps morbid joke. He'll also give a smile and display frighteningly polite mannerisms when he want to cut a bitch. It is often because of this that the rest of the group pretty much does as Hakkai asks. Because if Hakkai asks you to do something, it really is not a request.
Sample Post:
My, what an interesting place everyone's ended up in! It really shouldn't be such a surprise but -- ah, first allow me to introduce myself. I am Cho Hakkai and while here, I will be helping the campers with problems of a moral nature. It's a fairly vague task, but I'm sure we can all come to an understanding of sorts. For instance, I can safely say that if a person asks themselves if they should carry out a certain morally questionable act, some would tell them to reconsider. This is, of course, not entirely true as certain... bothersome aspects of this camp make things just a bit more complicated.
I'm sure you all know the limitations set in place, especially in regards to sexual acts. As frustrating as it may be to curb interests, I can point out that you do have the option of having an amount of fulfillment. That is, if you do not mind the loving embraces of the many interesting flora and fauna that reside here. They seem to be very accommodating in regards to helping you with those urges, but of course, this entirely your choice. I'm sure not very many people will judge you for it. After all, even the people here seem very flexible in their preferences.
In addition to the more lively creatures here, there appear to be animated corpses, so it is likely that death is not as permanent here as others would have you believe. As this is the case, you may have found yourself considering testing the limits a little on people you're not especially fond of. While I'm glad that there are people with a healthy interest in the scientific method, I will sadly have to remind you that if they come back to life, it'll be that much more troublesome. Dead men tell no tales, but those that revive tend to talk your ear off! It would be best just to set aside thoughts of homicide and wait until you're able to have death stick a little better.
Ah, but no offense is intended to any of the zombies, of course. I understand that they really don't have much of a choice in the matter. After all, we all need to eat to survive and if your diet is brains, then killing would be unavoidable, isn't that right? I'm sure that the rest of the animalia in this camp have similar reasons for carrying out the particular actions which seems unique to their environment. What campers must remember, however, is that they are not zombies, tentacle monsters, or hairy purple gorillas -- or so I've come to understand -- and should always consider the consequences of their actions. With that said, I'm sure you'll be fine. If I may gather the rest of my traveling party and go?
Eh? A barrier? ... Well, won't this be an entertaining side-trip. I suppose the Director won't mind hearing my few words of complaint for the duration of my stay here. ♥
Character: Cho Hakkai
Series: Saiyuki & Saiyuki Reload
Age: 23
Job: Alcoholic Beverages Consumption Monitor
Canon: Our story takes place in Shangri-La, where demons and humans used to co-exist peacefully until a Minus Wave started to drive the demons insane. The Three Aspects of Buddha ordered monk Genjyo Sanzo to travel to India and put an end to this, as well as to the impending resurrection of the Ox Demon King. Thus, the Sanzo party (consisting of himself, Son Goku, Sha Gojyo and Cho Hakkai) was formed, and their magical journey to the west began.
At first glance, Hakkai appears to be The Level-headed Member of the group. Often likened to an "old man," this former teacher with a glass eye is very polite, responsible and prone to mother-hen the people he cares about. However, upon spending more than ten minutes around him, one will realize that Hakkai is also a particularly quirky person. His many talents include cooking, lock-picking, gambling and being able to drink like a fish without his inebriation ever showing, amongst others. As if that wasn't enough, he also posesses a lame, punny sense of humour, and a sadistic, vengeful, creepy streak that makes him the number one person the Sanzo party absolutely does not want to cross. Really, when it comes to being a special snowflake, Hakkai takes the cake and eats it too.
Sample Post:
Good day, everyone! It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Cho Hakkai and from today on I will be working as camp's Alcoholic Beverages Consumption Monitor. I hope we can all get along! Despite this not being exactly my field of expertise, I will work hard at it; I do have first-hand experience in dealing with ill-mannered, inconsiderate drinkers on a regular basis, although I hope I won't have to put it to use with any of you. ♥
According to the reports I was given upon my arrival, it appears most people have been fairly mature about the usage of this substance since the ban was lifted. This is certainly admirable! However, there is still a small percentage of the camp population who continues to behave irresponsibly in regards to drinking, such as drunken squirrels vandalizing toucans' nests - drunken underaged squirrels, my! Clearly we must put a stop to it, and that's why I will talk to you today about the reasons why we should all be careful when partaking of alcohol, and set a good example for the small animals.
It is said that drinking alcohol can have positive effects on one's health, but please keep in mind that consuming alcohol immoderately is very likely to cause blackouts, which can be not only confusing but terribly awkward for people. I'm sure none of us would like to find themselves waking up between a goat and a gorilla without having any recollection of the events that may have led to this, now would we~? Other short-term effects of alcohol can be terribly embarrassing for family and friends - they might refuse to pay for your bail or even your hospital fees should you become involved in a fist-fight with, say, an unsuspecting boxing kangaroo. And if we go into long-term consequences, it is very possible that you will end up resembling Mr. Uwarrrgh over there in a few years. Poor Mr. Uwarrrgh does not seem to be aware that neurons do not regenerate -- or that's what his clamors for 'brains' lead me to believe, at any rate...
--Ah! This is getting a little long-winded, isn't it? Thank you for listening until the end. Next time we'll talk about home-made hangover remedies! To wrap things up, I would like to point out that although I do enjoy all sorts of alcoholic beverages, I won't turn my blind eye to any sort of alcohol abuse even if you should invite me with a drink. You see, I can hold my liquor better than most... Which means that, in a worst case scenario, I may just end up drinking all of it, ha ha ha! So, let's all exercise responsibility when drinking! As the proverb says, "sweet is the wine but sour is the payment."
And I assure you - I can be quite the sourpuss when displeased.
Character name: Cho Hakkai
Series: Saiyuki
Age: 23
Job: Elementary Education Specialist
Canon: When there's something strange happenin' in the West, who you gonna call? The Sanzo Ikkou! Or at least that's what drives the plot of Saiyuki, the tale of four traveling companions-a monk, a half-youkai, a 500-year-old earth spirit, and a mass murderer human-turned-youkai-to hop into their aptly named dragon, Jeep, and head west.
Everyone's friendly neighborhood mass-murderer, Cho Hakkai is a man who, when he heard that youkai had captured his sister-slash-lover, turned from a gentle neighborhood teacher to an enraged killer, only stopping after witnessing his sister's suicide and-because he had bathed in the blood of a thousand youkai-turning into a youkai himself. Despite his inner turmoil regarding his own existence as the very same race which he once so hated, his overwhelming guilt at the acts he committed that made him that way, Hakkai is outwardly a pleasant, genial, and polite individual. He often speaks quite formally, which means putting himself at a lower position in order to elevate the person he's speaking with, something that, due to his guilt complex, he's quite comfortable with. Hakkai seems to always have a smile on his face and at times acts as the peacekeeper and mediator between his somewhat rambunctious travel companions. But don't let the polite demeanor fool you, he's just as fond of remarking on the appealing color of blood as he is of word-play and truly horrific puns. He is, after all, the Ikkou's favorite sociopath. ♥
Sample Entry:
The goal was to go west at first, but I can't help but feel as though we might have overdone it a little. The humidity here is really making it quite difficult to re-orient myself, not to mention the decaying members of the populace. Ah-I apologize for the bother about that, sirs, but Jeep isn't the sort of vehicle that accepts carrion baggage. Though I suppose there really is no need for it now. I certainly hadn't expected to find an establishment in this place, yet alone one where I would be offered a place to stay as well as an occupation to assist with expenses. I am truly grateful for Madame Director's gracious hospitality. The occupation itself does seem a little troubling though; as I tried to explain to her, it has been more than two years since I have taught a formal classroom. However she didn't seem very intent on listening. I'd never expect such sharp words from a woman so blunt, but I suppose it can't be helped.
Ah, I suppose I am getting a little head of myself. And I haven't even properly introduced myself. Well, my apologies for the delay, but my name is Cho Hakkai; it's a pleasure to meet you all. As I mentioned earlier, from now on I will be taking up the position of your elementary education instructor, so please, let's try to do our best. Though it's called "elementary" education, it seems as though the resources we have been provided with are a bit closer to "primitive." Since Madame Director has already done us the service of providing a place to study, I would hate to burden her with a request for either tables or chairs. In the meantime, we'll just have to adapt a more intimate classroom setting. Now, could everyone please quiet down and be seated on the floor? If I am to be your instructor, I wouldn't want to waste any time in beginning our lessons.
I had hoped to begin the day with some simple arithmetic, but it seems as though my intended visual aids aren't quite what I expected. The blood orange trees in this area had looked like they would be a fruitful place to find examples for a few addition and multiplication exercises, but when I attempted a division problem on one of them, the result was somewhat unexpected. I have seen a good variety of oranges before, but none that took their name quite so literally. It really is a shame-bloodstains are quite difficult to get out, after all-but I still didn't want to put them to waste. Therefore, I hope you don't mind the bowl of them I've set aside. The smell might not quite be the same as potpourri, but it certainly is fragrant, isn't it?
I may not have been able to procure proper supplies for a study in arithmetic, but Madame Director did see fit to supply me with several volumes on biology from her own collection. They are slightly more rudimentary than the course I had hoped to give, but it would be rude if I meant not to put them to use. They do always say that there's always something to be learned from returning to the basics, particularly in the field of biology. Now, children, if you would, please repeat after me. "The cowbot goes 'mooo.'" Ah, very good. Next, "The tentacle monster goes for the pretty boys." Ahaha, that is something of a strange example, isn't it? Perhaps the next one, "The campers go 'kyaaa.'" It doesn't seem to be much better, does it?
This really is too unfortunate. I had hoped Madame Director's books would prove useful, but if we approach biology at this kind of wrecked angle, I don't know if there will be much hope to gain a square account of the way things work. Plus, with this sort of problem, it seems the only way to find a solution would be have to take it up with our ruler to have her set things straight.
Poll Vote!