(no subject)
MOAR APPS
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed! more to come later /o/
Character name: Kristoph Gavin
Series: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
Age: 32
Job: Camp Stylist
Canon: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, while starring a largely new cast of characters rather than that of the previous trilogy, follows in its footsteps in terms of ridiculous courtroom antics and, of course, quirky personalities to fill the witness stand, the prosecution, and the defense. The player commands the third category, following the story through the eyes of Apollo Justice, a rookie defense attorney trying desperately to make his case or perhaps just to make sense of anything or anyone at all.
Apollo's mentor, Kristoph Gavin, is a veteran defense attorney who appears to guide Apollo through the ropes of the courtroom through supporting him in court and giving him the standard tutorial. Calm, collected, and good at what he does, he can keep a steady smile through events that nearly give Apollo a heart attack, and tends to find poetry even in a murder scene. He's obviously rich, well-bred, and very well-groomed (on one occasion taking time out of a scene to apply his favorite expensive nail polish). But don't let his smiling demeanor fool you: he's also a chronic elitist, and will probably ridicule you as much as he will politely converse. [SPOILERS: currently, he is meant to be in jail due to his bad habit of eliminating any obstacles to his career and good reputation.]
Sample Entry:
Ms. Sayre, correct? It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance. However, I'm afraid I have a secret to confess. As much as I value my own personal upkeep, and while I consequently thank you for noticing my efforts, I cannot say I am properly qualified to tend to others. I graduated from law school, not beauty school, after all. ...Oh, not to say that I am complaining. Given my position I am honored to accept your generosity. Truly, I am in your debt. I will trust your judgment in hiring me... And of course, I will do my best to compensate for what I lack in professional experience.
A demonstration is in order, then. If the volunteer would like to step u--gkk. This is... Yes, I recognize the desperate need for cosmetic assistance. But I rather fear that this is a case of missing the volunteer line for 'Halloween costume contest.' If this is truly natural, nothing short of a makeover miracle is going to rectify this rotten tower of flesh in the shape of a man. And while I do wish I were capable of such a feat, for the sake of everyone... I would rather refrain from catching the multitude of skin diseases I would no doubt acquire upon touching this lumbering oaf. I... Well, I will think of something.
Hello, then, sir. My name is Kristoph Gavin; to you, I would be your Camp Stylist. To adapt an old saying: give a man a makeover and he will look decent for the day, but teach a man proper hygiene habits and he will avoid looking like a B-movie reject for the rest of his lifetime. So please, make sure you have your ears on tight and listen to my advice. I'll be teaching you Basic Hygiene.
The shower shall be the key element in your hygiene routine. The bath, while also acceptable, is unfortunately not available on the premises. This 'onsen' will simply not do; making a public display of your nudity will only cause spontaneous blindness among your fellows, no doubt, something we would rather avoid. Thus, the shower: you'll want to access it frequently in order to keep yourself up to standard. While there, you should use soap, at the very least. Might I suggest something lightly scented with flowers or fruit rather than your current fragrance of 'Eau de Swamp'? I'm sure your peers would appreciate it. Normally, I would recommend shampoo and conditioner as well, but as you seem to be devoid of most of your scalp, you needn't pay attention to that little tidbit. As for your time outside the shower, for now we'll address the very basic requirement... Add this Deodorant to your Court Record, for easy access. --I said Court Record, which you'll note should not be anywhere inside your pants, sir. It seems a good deal of your brain must have been excised with that scalp. Hopefully you've at least retained the ability to remember what you're told.
That should be all for now. Ah, as for the bits of discolored skin flaking off of your body like dead leaves off a gnarled tree... I would recommend a licensed physician. You cannot expect your stylist to do everything for you, can you?
Poll Vote!
Name: Ned, AKA The Piemaker
Series: Pushing Daisies
Age: 29 years 5 months 21 days 14 hours 26 minutes
Job: Cheap, overseas replacement Moogle
Canon: The facts are these: Pushing Daisies is the story of many people, but most specifically it is the story of Ned. Ned is a Pie-Maker with a very special gift: if he touches a dead thing once, it becomes alive again. Touching it twice, however, renders the thing dead forever. And when something is brought back for more than a minute, something (or someone) of equal cosmic value must die in its place.
Living his whole life with this ability, Ned grew up to be a quiet, witty, pie pan half-empty kind of fellow. No matter how unique his faculty, Ned remains a skeptic at heart who refuses to believe in the supernatural and ghosts. As a result of his mysterious gift, the Pie-Maker hates being touched, fearing the repercussions of his touch of life-and-death being used on loved ones. Quick speaking and with a penchant for far-fetched metaphors, Ned is often engaged in serious conversations, such as the politically correct term for zombies: alive-again. Never impulsive, he always errs on the side of caution, hating changes and deviations from the plan... Except for the unconventional occasion in which he revived his dead childhood love and did not, in fact, re-deaden her. This brief foray into a brave new world of taking chances and embracing change is very short-lived, but the door has been opened, the envelope pushed, and a new world of love and adventure awaits.
Sample Post:
Look, guys. What I'm trying to understand is why someone would bring you back after this level of decay. I mean, usually you'd think they wouldn't wait so long. I don't mean any offense, but... you were pretty dead, which suggests that plenty of not-dead people paid to have you alive again. As much as every person wants to believe they are wholly unique, it is statistically impossible that I am the only person in the entire universe with this...thing. And since "hoodoo" and "black magic" don't exist, it's only logical that someone else brought you back. So, while I'm sure you're making the best of your second chance, I'm just very shaky on the ethics.
Like, for example, that arm that just fell off? There could've been a perfectly healthy person who would've appreciated having that arm, but no. You just had to go ahead and let it detach all willy-nilly. It's like having a basket full of emergency rations that you dangle in front of starving orphans , but then you have a herd of well-fed death-row inmates come along and eat all that food for their last meal. Only I guess it's different because the orphans wouldn't even know the food is there, and if they did they wouldn't know that the death-row dabblers in deliciousness have eaten it. That's... not to say that you guys are like prison inmates. No. Not at all. And I'm sure you're not close to your last meal. In fact, I'm not really sure how accurate that metaphor was... Or how much it actually made sense. Uh... Yeah, I think I'm just beating a dead horse. But not literally.
And actually, while we're on the subject of dead -- or undead -- let's talk about the phrasing. I really don't like the term "zombie". I think it has a bad connotation. Let's be honest, people who are alive again don't really want to eat my brains. That's ridiculous. I've known many alive-again people and let me tell you, the first word out of their mouths is not "Braaaaaaains". That's just something out of science fiction. Oh, now you're just mocking me. Look, if you don't want to take this seriously, that's up to you. I just figured alive-again rights are something you'd be interested in, since you're clearly not dead... Which you're heartily proving to me by getting really close.
Ooookay. You know what? I'm going to need you to...uh, step back a bit? No, seriously, you don't want to be close to me, because I don't know who brought you back alive, but I have a good feeling about who can make you dead again, fast. Let's play a game. It's called "Take Five Giant Steps Away from Ned". Okay, good. One, Two, Thr-- Hey! Get AWAY! This is not a touching game!
Poll Vote!
Character: Charlotte "Chuck" Charles
Series: Pushing Daisies
Age: 28 years, 2 weeks, 3 days, 11 hours, and 51 minutes
Job: Second-Life Advisor
Canon: Young Ned was 9 years, 27 weeks, 6 days and 3 minutes old when he discovered that he had an unusual talent: with one touch he could restore life to the dead, and with another they were returned to their lifeless state forever. Furthermore, he learned that if he should allow the restored life to carry on for more than a minute, something else in the general vicinity would have to die in its place. The young boy grew up to be the Pie-Maker, and the Pie-Maker lived a quiet life of making pies and waking the dead - but only for a minute so as to find out who or what may have caused their untimely demise. All that changed, however, with the news that Lonely Tourist Charlotte Charles had been murdered.
The facts were these: Charlotte Charles - whom the Pie-Maker called "Chuck" - had been a neighbour of young Ned's. Tragedy had led Chuck to live a sheltered life, chained to a close proximity by her love and devotion towards her two aunts with matching social phobias. And though tragedy had struck again in the form of her murder, the girl named Chuck faced her (second) life with a renewed sense of self. Perky and spirited with a love for learning, a thirst for adventure, and a willingness to take risks and really live life, Chuck is finally able to unleash her hurricane personality upon the world. Fast-talking, witty, and a walking encyclopedia, the alive-again girl has a tendency to be pushy and steamroll others in conversations, often monologuing at length in a slightly self-centered fashion. But in truth she is kind-hearted, wanting to help those who were not as lucky as her to fulfill their last wishes or requests before their minute is up.
Sample Post:
I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but this wasn't exactly what I'd imagined when I was told transportation would be provided to CFUD: Campgrounds Fostering Undead Denizens. If I had known what was in store, I would have found a way to very nicely and politely decline the offer, but well... it is kind of a cute gimmick for a "Second-Life Advisor" to be introduced to the campers right out of a coffin, so I guess I can't be too mad. I did arrive here in one piece after all, and that's the best anyone can ask for! Oh, it looks like you weren't quite as lucky as me though. Here, let me help you get that arm-- no, don't worry, I've helped one of my aunts pop her arm back in her socket once so this should be a snap-- there we go! Good as new! Okay, maybe not quite as good as new, but I'm afraid there's nothing I can really do about that considering your... advanced condition.
You know, I read about this in a book once. All this fascinating hoodoo stuff going on in Louisiana, where some powerful sorcerer uses a strange brewed concoction that renders his victims all zombie-like with a total lack of willpower and the inability to speak coherently. And then they're forced to carry out their master's evil bidding, lurching and moaning, completely unaware of the situation! Isn't that just so neat? Oh, I'm sorry, that probably wasn't very sensitive of me was it, since I guess all of you would be said victims. But don't worry, I'll be here the whole time to hold your hand and support you through your second chance at life! I mean, think about it! How many people get an opportunity like this? We have to seize the day - Carpe diem! - and make the most of this!
Alright, everyone who has any regrets or unfulfilled desires raise your hand... or any other appendages that you still happen to possess, that works too! Anyway, there's no time more perfect than right now to act on these feelings. Think of it this way: you've overcome death, and there's really nothing scarier than that, is there? So - and this is just an example - if you ever harboured feelings for someone but felt for some inexplicable reason that you couldn't confess to them before, you absolutely could and can and should do it right this instant! If they cared for you in a really meaningful way they'd be able to look past your slightly splotchy complexion and lack of certain facial features and see what's really there deep, down inside! No, I didn't mean your organs, you can put those back; I'm talking about the unique and extraordinary personality that makes you, well... YOU. Braaaiiiins? Exactly! I'm sure whoever it is you're pining after will certainly appreciate your brains as well, so make sure to spruce it up with lots of great conversational topics! Here, you can practice on me right now!
Hmm, I think we're going to have to work on everyone's diction a bit, but it's nothing we can't fix with a little time and a lot of practice! Just remember that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity - ironic as that may sound! It's a great chance for you to hang on to everything you like about yourself, and get rid of all the things you don't, so let's get started--
AAAHH! I didn't mean that literally! Now if everyone would please line up in an orderly fashion to come reclaim their various body parts, I'd really appreciate that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nanba Io
Series: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e
Character Age: 35
Job: Fashion Consultant
Canon: HanaKimi is the touching story of Ashiya Mizuki, a young girl who moves across the world for the chance to meet and befriend her idol -- a Japanese high-jump star she saw on TV. This already sounds a little extreme, even before you add in the fact that in order to do this, she cuts off her hair and dresses as a boy to enroll in his all-boys school. Unfortunately, she's pretty awful at disguising herself as a boy. But despite most of her classmates being equally awful at noticing her true gender, a handful of people do discover her secret by some means or another. Among these are Izumi Sano, her aforementioned idol who also happens to be her roommate and quickly becomes her love interest, Umeda Hokuto, the school's very homosexual doctor, and about half of Umeda's family.
Included in that half of his family is his older sister, Nanba Io. Io is cheerful, charismatic, and a stunning beauty. But much like the rest of her family, she can go from being all charm and smiles, to kicking you in the face with a very fashionable pair of high heels in a matter of seconds. While she's not above using threats and physical violence against those around her, including her family, and earning herself nicknames like "demon woman", Io truly is a caring person. She often helps Mizuki out, and regularly gives her womanly advice about things like love and family. And when she's not having heartfelt conversations with cross-dressing teenagers, Io is a successful women's fashion designer, part-time operator of a summer seaside inn, and a loving mother and sister. Her son, Nanba Minami, may embarrassedly try to deny it, but to this day she still proudly carries around wallet-sized photos from his childhood when she would dress him in little girl's dresses. And Umeda likely went through great lengths and considerable physical abuse from Io to ensure that the similar photos from his own childhood never see the light of day again.
Sample:
They say that in fashion, one day you're in, and the next, you're out. Really though, some people are always in. Others only seem to make it about, oh, seventy percent of the way in, but for some people, that's enough. But what you should really be aiming for is a full one hundred percent, all in. And that's what I'm here for! With this great Io-sama's advice, none of your youthful potential will be lost to the travesty that is a bad fashion choice!
I think I'll start with you. Yes, you right over there, with the complexion problem. Don't be afraid to add some color to your wardrobe. And while it may sound like a color, gangrene doesn't count. Black is a basic necessity for any wardrobe, and while I can see how you'd need a color that hides questionable stains, perhaps you should consider just a splash of color here and there. ...No, a bloodstain isn't quite what I meant, but good try! But a nice and colorful beaded handbag to keep your, ah, spare limb in might be just the thing. ...Excuse me? Yes, beaded handbags are vintage, what of it? No, I wasn't around when they were in fashion the first time! Just what do you think you're implying?!
...Well then! It looks like I've gone and made you lose your head! Oops~ It looks I'll need to find another victim, then. Oh, right, fashion victim is what I meant, of course!
Oh, you'll do perfectly! You all seem to understand color better than she did, at least. Though, really, that much fur in one outfit is bad enough without mixing so many shades of purple. It is an in color this season, but that doesn't mean you should go overboard. But I'm glad some of you boys are already comfortable enough with fashion to move on to my next piece of advice: don't be afraid to embrace your femininity! You should really should try for a softer, more elegant look, though. Really, you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. All boys your age experiment with dressing like a girl from time to time, even my own son! And if they don't, they should! There isn't much you can do to understand women better than spending a day in her shoes. ...Or in panties, I suppose. But really, if you harvested them from that tree, maybe you ought to make like Victoria, and keep that a secret.
Poll Vote!
Character: Laguna Loire
Series: Final Fantasy VIII
Character Age: 44
Job: Man With a Machine Gun
Canon: Final Fantasy VIII is the classic story of a leather-clad, gunblade-wielding, moody teenage mercenary named Squall and his quest to figure out what the hell he wants out of life, and coincidentally possibly save the world along the way. It's also the story of an impulsive ex-soldier and his misadventures, which seem to have more of an impact than they may first appear.
Reckless, talkative and outgoing, Laguna is almost the opposite of the introverted Squall. Prone to rushing into things headfirst or sticking his foot in his mouth by blurting things out without thinking, Laguna tackles every task before him with gung-ho enthusiasm. Even so, he's a genuinely kind and loyal person at heart, as his lifelong comrades Kiros and Ward can attest. And while he tends to agree to things without thinking them through, not to mention the tendency for his leg to cramp up when he gets nervous, somehow people still trust him as an able leader, even as far as making him president of a powerful nation. Besides, in a world of evil sorceresses, time compression, and monsters falling from the moon, it's amazing how many problems can be solved with some quick thinking, faster talking, and a trusty machine gun.
Sample Post:
Allriiight! Finally gave 'em the slip! Sheesh, it's always "sir, please sign these documents" or "sir, your presence is required to oversee such-and-such" or "it's time for the meeting with so-and-so bigwig" day in and day out. Man, talk about stifling. A guy needs a break once in a while, you know? A little vacation for a while can't hurt. Besides, all work and no play makes Laguna a dull boy, ain't that right guys? Guys? Kiros? Ward? Ahh, they must've gotten held up somewhere. Guess that means it's up to me to scout out the area, then. Vacation, here I come!
Though I coulda sworn no one said anything about a swamp, and I'm pretty sure I got the right map this time... Hey you there! Yeah, you! Mind helpin' a guy out a bit? Seems I took a wrong turn somewhere, any chance you could tell me the way back to civilization? Lookin' for some resort place called Camphacudy, have you heard of it? I got an appointment with some serious R&R... Wait, you're saying this is it? And it's called "Camp Fuck You Die"? I always thought the name sounded funny, but you gotta be kidding me... Well, guess that's that, but you can still tell me how to get back to Esthar, right? Or wherever's nearby is fine, just point me in the direction outta here--
Alright, alright, I get it already! No one's allowed to leave here, so I'm stuck until I can figure something out... Come on, Laguna, look on the bright side, it may not be perfect, but it's still a chance for that vacation. Even if it is a kinda dingy swamp, gotta make the most of it! So, uh, suppose that deal 'bout a free stay for a little help 'round the place is no good too, huh? Oh, it's still on? Phew, that's a relief. The guys have all the money, you see, so that really had me worried for a moment there! Kiros insisted after last time... So what sorta work you got for me? Don't worry, I'm a bit of a jack-of-all-trades, you could say, so I'm used to the odd job here and there. So how 'bout it? Agent Laguna reporting for duty!
Start with exterminating some monsters and then you'll see, huh? Haha, piece of cake! No, really, I mean it. Believe it or not, you're lookin' at the former Monster Hunter of Winhill! Tell me where to start patrolling and I'll have it under control in no time! Around the lake? Yessir, Commander! ...man, compared to back home, this'll be a breeze, this might just be a vacation after all!
--Woah, better watch my step there, water like that can't be safe... Wait, is this the lake? You've gotta be kidding me! Looks almost like someone liquefied Malboro's breath and smells just as bad, too. Damn... well, sooner I get this done with, sooner I'm outta here, right? Just hang in there, Laguna, you can do this. Though not seein' much for monsters around here yet, other than whatever that thing is off in the middle of the lake... that's coming closer fast, and whoa, that's a whole lot bigger than it looked at first...
Wait, is that the monster that guy was talking about? You gotta be kiddin' me! What kinda madman thinks someone can take that on by himself? Damn, guess I got no choice, and anyway, no one's taking down Laguna Loire without a fight! --ow, dammit, just the time for my leg to cramp up again...
Poll Vote!
Name: Vladimir Taltos
Age: in his mid to late twenties
Series:The Dragaera novels by Stephan Brust.
Job: Assistant to the HR Department.
Canon: In a world not unlike the European Renaissance meets the fantastic, complete with tall, skinny pointy eared elves-known as Dragaerians-magic, and at least seventeen types of winged flying lizard things, where after a time of war and strife, peace and happiness abound and life in the Dragaerian Empire is beautiful and perfe-okay, not quite. Racism is everywhere, Easterners-or as we know them, humans-are second class citizens, the mafia thrives "secretly" under the noble house of the Jhereg, and assassination is still a criminal but viable career move and a human resources strategy in one.
Vlad is an Easterner who works for the primarily Dragerian House of the Jhereg, going up the ranks from collections to area boss and occasionally an assassin for hire in five years by dint of hard work and stubbornness. He'd also like to credit his strong curiosity and intelligence, but they seem to get him into trouble just as often as his questionable sense of "humor". But for all that he's a violent, cynical career criminal, Vlad's not a totally irredeemable person: he likes to act like a gentleman born; he's got his own skewed ethical code; and he's mostly polite as long as you're polite in return. Even to Dragaerians, whom he hates for being repressive assholes towards all Easterners.
Revivification is the term for the resurrection of the recently dead--which doesn't work if person's soul is made unavailable by spell or other means, such as a semi-sentient soul-eating and extremely illegal Morganti weapon. Anyone caught by the Imperials as an assassin will executed permanently without appeal, and because of this, Vlad frequently negotiates his jobs on behalf of "his friend".
The apper is taking Vlad from sometime shortly after the end of Tekla and before the start of Phoenix. Permission was granted by Biz for...well, you'll see.
Sample Post:
You are the Gorilla?
I was sent here by a "friend" on behalf of another friend, to do them a favor if you catch my drift. I'm looking for a retainer of Lady Elizabeth, of the house of the Speakers. But things look a little busy here. I can come back later if you're-done? You didn't need to hurry on account of me. I'm a patient man, I could have waited. He's over to the left? Thanks. Oh, and word to the wise, chum? Lose the fake pointed ears. I don't know who you got to sell you those, but I've never seen an elf with facial hair, let alone with all that purple stuff on your face. Plus, I don't think I've ever seen someone's ears start dissolving on them. You're better off wasting your money on the toucan fights, trust me. Or even just a pair of pants would be a step in the right direction.
Loud Speaker, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Vlad Taltos, here on behalf of a mutual "friend." "He" sends his apologies, but he's a busy man, so I agreed to help him out today. I hear that you might have a man with a speech control problem in your group of associates. Someone who keeps spilling the details on your plans for the lake? I agree that information flow is the key part of a successful enterprise and should be controlled carefully. Loose lips sink ships, as they say on the Adhrilanka docks. I'm more than happy to let my friend know that you have a real problem on your hands. I'm sure my "friend" can manage to find enough time to talk to this Soft Speaker. Make sure he can't speak freely to anyone except on the Paths of the Dead.
Here are my "friend's" preliminary terms for the job: five thousand gold when it's done and passage out of this barrier for us both at the end of the job. Not that my "friend" doesn't trust you, but you must admit that your defenses are legendary. My "friend" is also going to require more information on what Soft's like, and the more personal touches you might want. I assume you want him done unrevifiable, and yes, I'm sure my "friend" can make it stick, no matter how good this "Moogle" is with her revivification spells. Unrevifiable and in public? That will be extra for the risks incurred, you realize. And no, I don't think "my friend" needs to bring anything Morganti into this, unless Soft's spilling more than just information. You're tying my "friend's" hands if we can't bring any more people for legwork, so "he's" going to need names, dates and details on Soft: what food he ate last, where he sleeps, who he's seen with. Where he talks.
You have some preliminary notes? Let's see...mm. Wasn't expecting this sort of information up front, but I think I see something in here that could work... You do know my "friend" charges extra for breakups, Loud Speaker?
Poll Vote!
Character: Raven
Series: Tales of Vesperia
Character Age: 35
Job: Melon Inspector
Canon: Tales of Vesperia takes place on the world of Terca Lumiries, where people who live in its cities rely on ancient technology called ‘Blastia’ to provide barriers in order to stop monsters attacking their cities. However, these are only the barrier blastia, and other blastias supply the necessities for people such as water, electricity, and with even certain blastias, skills necessary for fighting the monsters roaming outside the cities. It is thanks to these that Yuri Lowell, the main protagonist, ended up chasing a Aque Blastia thief and via a series of coincidences and lol!plot twists, finds himself and his rag-tag group trying to prevent a madman from destroying the world.
Included in said rag-tag group is Raven, a guy who’s described as a superficial, fishy, womanizing trickster with a mysterious past who changes his story every time someone questions his dislike of something, and will do as little as needed. Despite these flaws, Raven does keep an eye out for people he considers his comrades, and gives out encouragement and meaningful advice as cryptically as possible when needed with his crude way of speaking. A skilled fighter despite his complaints about his age, and can be depended on the stickiest situations to pull through.
Just. Don’t count on it much.
Sample Post:
Hey hey! Yeah, you with the slacked jaw, lookin’ like you just woke up at the wrong side of the bed with the awful stench just comin’ down in waves right at me? Yeah, I’m lookin’ at ya right now, and ya know what? Since I’m bein’ so generous today, yer going to receive a free check up from yer one and only today! Can’t ya believe yer luck? No, I meant me, not the lady director or whoever the hell thought a freaggin’ swamp was the greatest place to put the camp grounds on.
Hohoho, what smells so good in the air, you say? Why, that’s the scent of my manly musk just radiatin’ from yers truly: me. Don’tcha love how strong it is-wait, whaddya mean, that’s not it? Ya mean to tell me you were sayin’ that it’s my brains that smells oh-so good? Don’t get my wrong lady, I may be on the market, but that doesn’t mean that every single part of me is on the market individually, good-lookin' dead people or not. Plus I never said that my brain is detachable either, and I would love to have it on me a little longer, ya hear me?
…no, I don’t need you tryin’ ta kill me as it is, and no, I don’t want some weird purple gorilla from the camp or any variation of it rippin’ up my body either. Geez, can’t you just pretend that I said yer pretty already? It already feels like ya wanna just eat me up or somethin’ which I don’t want from ya’ and it’s hard to concentrate when ya keep movin’ yer damn body. Oh, and did I already mention it feels like you wanna just eat me up? It’s flattering and all but it’s kinda distracting, ‘specially since I’m tryin’ to check ya chest up here and holy-
...y’know, this never happened to me before, and I think yer melons are reattachable, you bein’ dead and all. Good to honest, cross my heart, I swear I ain’t lyin’ that I didn’t do this on purpose! What, ya want me to try puttin’ it back? It’s already weird enough that I’m holdin’ melons that’s not attached to a body!
You know what, even with your detachable melons and yer love of my magnificent physique and brains, ya still look like ya wanna hurl somethin’ nasty. Maybe you should take a nice walk ‘round the place so ya can cool off, and probably see the go ol’ doc up in camp. Yeah, we’re just goin’ to be walkin’ down by the lake, me carrying yer melons and you not think of anyone’s brain or underwe - wait, don’t go to the right, you’ll just end up in the la-
…
…oh. Oh man, as much as I woulda loved to see this back home and damn do I now want ta unsee it, I didn’t know that’s even physically possible even with a squid. Or with that many tentacles, even.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Billy / Doctor Horrible
Series: Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
Age: Appears in the mid-twenties
Job: Arts and Crafts teacher / laundry-doer
Canon: You would think a villain would spend time on... well, villainy, and not blogging about his successes and failures for the internet. You would think wrong in the case of Billy and his alter ego, the not-so-nefarious Dr. Horrible. In Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog he sings and talks about the apple of his eye, the optimistic idealist Penny; his "corporate tool" jockey arch nemesis, Captain Hammer; and his ambition to get into the Evil League of Evil, led by Bad Horse, the Thoroughbred of Sin. He's too painfully shy to have a normal conversation with Penny; Captain Hammer beats him up regularly; and he's built numerous contraptions that have either failed in some way, malfunctioned, or he lost the nerve to use to try and get into the Evil League of Evil. Overall, he does not a very good track record.
Billy by himself isn't a kind of guy that would stand out. He wears unremarkable clothes and is painfully shy around the love of his life. He also has some very stalker-ish tendencies, to the point of memorizing Penny's laundry schedule (Wednesdays and Saturdays, except twice last month that she missed the weekends). He's a cynic who generally doesn't believe in the good of other people. Dr. Horrible is that one that acts on these cynicisms and, more importantly, the want for Penny to notice and respect him. He’s a full believer in chaos, anarchy and destroying the status quo. Even then, though, he's a technical pacifist who wouldn't kill a kid or want kids to be hurt as collateral damage. He views killing as uncreative and would very much not like to turn to it as a means of getting ahead. At heart, he's a much better guy than the supposed "hero" of the city.
Sample Post: Attention all citizens, toucans, tentacles, gorillas and undead of the city of Fud! Cease your tedious chores and mindless ignorance, for I, Doctor Horrible, have come to either perpetrate a heist, theft, or a killing by order of the Evil League of Evil. And by order, I mean a recommendation to this place by Bad Horse. You can’t get it much better than that, can you? Now, if you could all just lay down any arms-and, uh, by arms I mean guns, not those arms, but I guess it’s a bit late to say that-and weapons you might have, we can all ignore the “or killing” part I just mentioned. Some of you even have enough merits to get into the Henchmen’s Union. So if you all just surrender to the master of horribleness, it’ll be nice and easy to get a letter of condemnation from Mayor Elizabeth Sayre, I won’t even need to use nonlethal measures…. But this is a pretty rural town. Why would the Thoroughbred of Sin want to try and make a big hoof mark in this place?
Oh. Ohh. This is a summer camp? Really? With kids and stuff? Well, that’s a big chance in plans. Let’s see what I’m supposed to be doing here-Arts and Crafts teacher?! Slash laundry-doer? That couldn’t be it! I have a PHD in horribleness! I even did the suitably villainous introduction! Most people would have ignored that and gone straight to the… throwing cars at people’s heads and pounding things to smithereens, you know. How am I supposed to get a latter of condemnation from here if I’m supposed to be an arts and craft teacher? Honestly… There’s not worse situation for me to be in. And I don’t even like doing laundry! … Ugh. Whatever. If it’s from the Evil League of Evil, I have to do it. I bet she would see it as something good, too, even if it is incredibly inane. Let’s try this. Have any of you guys tried to make a freeze ray? No, not an ice ray, Ook Ook, a freeze ray. How about a muscle-weakening ray? No? We’re going to have to start from scratch, then.
First thing first-What’s your drive for building these kinds of things? I mean, have you ever seen a little old lady crossing the street, and then some idiot goes running across and knocks her over while trying to save a cat from a tree or something? Or seen the girl of your dreams making out with your arch nemesis? Or, how about this-destroying the status quo! It’s all about taking. For example, when I arrived, I used my transmatter ray to get a wardrobe probably full of precious valuables out of someone’s cabin.
… It’s, uh, a puddle right now. The molecules kind of shift, but-that’s the steps we’re going to take, right?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed! more to come later /o/
Character name: Kristoph Gavin
Series: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
Age: 32
Job: Camp Stylist
Canon: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, while starring a largely new cast of characters rather than that of the previous trilogy, follows in its footsteps in terms of ridiculous courtroom antics and, of course, quirky personalities to fill the witness stand, the prosecution, and the defense. The player commands the third category, following the story through the eyes of Apollo Justice, a rookie defense attorney trying desperately to make his case or perhaps just to make sense of anything or anyone at all.
Apollo's mentor, Kristoph Gavin, is a veteran defense attorney who appears to guide Apollo through the ropes of the courtroom through supporting him in court and giving him the standard tutorial. Calm, collected, and good at what he does, he can keep a steady smile through events that nearly give Apollo a heart attack, and tends to find poetry even in a murder scene. He's obviously rich, well-bred, and very well-groomed (on one occasion taking time out of a scene to apply his favorite expensive nail polish). But don't let his smiling demeanor fool you: he's also a chronic elitist, and will probably ridicule you as much as he will politely converse. [SPOILERS: currently, he is meant to be in jail due to his bad habit of eliminating any obstacles to his career and good reputation.]
Sample Entry:
Ms. Sayre, correct? It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance. However, I'm afraid I have a secret to confess. As much as I value my own personal upkeep, and while I consequently thank you for noticing my efforts, I cannot say I am properly qualified to tend to others. I graduated from law school, not beauty school, after all. ...Oh, not to say that I am complaining. Given my position I am honored to accept your generosity. Truly, I am in your debt. I will trust your judgment in hiring me... And of course, I will do my best to compensate for what I lack in professional experience.
A demonstration is in order, then. If the volunteer would like to step u--gkk. This is... Yes, I recognize the desperate need for cosmetic assistance. But I rather fear that this is a case of missing the volunteer line for 'Halloween costume contest.' If this is truly natural, nothing short of a makeover miracle is going to rectify this rotten tower of flesh in the shape of a man. And while I do wish I were capable of such a feat, for the sake of everyone... I would rather refrain from catching the multitude of skin diseases I would no doubt acquire upon touching this lumbering oaf. I... Well, I will think of something.
Hello, then, sir. My name is Kristoph Gavin; to you, I would be your Camp Stylist. To adapt an old saying: give a man a makeover and he will look decent for the day, but teach a man proper hygiene habits and he will avoid looking like a B-movie reject for the rest of his lifetime. So please, make sure you have your ears on tight and listen to my advice. I'll be teaching you Basic Hygiene.
The shower shall be the key element in your hygiene routine. The bath, while also acceptable, is unfortunately not available on the premises. This 'onsen' will simply not do; making a public display of your nudity will only cause spontaneous blindness among your fellows, no doubt, something we would rather avoid. Thus, the shower: you'll want to access it frequently in order to keep yourself up to standard. While there, you should use soap, at the very least. Might I suggest something lightly scented with flowers or fruit rather than your current fragrance of 'Eau de Swamp'? I'm sure your peers would appreciate it. Normally, I would recommend shampoo and conditioner as well, but as you seem to be devoid of most of your scalp, you needn't pay attention to that little tidbit. As for your time outside the shower, for now we'll address the very basic requirement... Add this Deodorant to your Court Record, for easy access. --I said Court Record, which you'll note should not be anywhere inside your pants, sir. It seems a good deal of your brain must have been excised with that scalp. Hopefully you've at least retained the ability to remember what you're told.
That should be all for now. Ah, as for the bits of discolored skin flaking off of your body like dead leaves off a gnarled tree... I would recommend a licensed physician. You cannot expect your stylist to do everything for you, can you?
Poll Vote!
Name: Ned, AKA The Piemaker
Series: Pushing Daisies
Age: 29 years 5 months 21 days 14 hours 26 minutes
Job: Cheap, overseas replacement Moogle
Canon: The facts are these: Pushing Daisies is the story of many people, but most specifically it is the story of Ned. Ned is a Pie-Maker with a very special gift: if he touches a dead thing once, it becomes alive again. Touching it twice, however, renders the thing dead forever. And when something is brought back for more than a minute, something (or someone) of equal cosmic value must die in its place.
Living his whole life with this ability, Ned grew up to be a quiet, witty, pie pan half-empty kind of fellow. No matter how unique his faculty, Ned remains a skeptic at heart who refuses to believe in the supernatural and ghosts. As a result of his mysterious gift, the Pie-Maker hates being touched, fearing the repercussions of his touch of life-and-death being used on loved ones. Quick speaking and with a penchant for far-fetched metaphors, Ned is often engaged in serious conversations, such as the politically correct term for zombies: alive-again. Never impulsive, he always errs on the side of caution, hating changes and deviations from the plan... Except for the unconventional occasion in which he revived his dead childhood love and did not, in fact, re-deaden her. This brief foray into a brave new world of taking chances and embracing change is very short-lived, but the door has been opened, the envelope pushed, and a new world of love and adventure awaits.
Sample Post:
Look, guys. What I'm trying to understand is why someone would bring you back after this level of decay. I mean, usually you'd think they wouldn't wait so long. I don't mean any offense, but... you were pretty dead, which suggests that plenty of not-dead people paid to have you alive again. As much as every person wants to believe they are wholly unique, it is statistically impossible that I am the only person in the entire universe with this...thing. And since "hoodoo" and "black magic" don't exist, it's only logical that someone else brought you back. So, while I'm sure you're making the best of your second chance, I'm just very shaky on the ethics.
Like, for example, that arm that just fell off? There could've been a perfectly healthy person who would've appreciated having that arm, but no. You just had to go ahead and let it detach all willy-nilly. It's like having a basket full of emergency rations that you dangle in front of starving orphans , but then you have a herd of well-fed death-row inmates come along and eat all that food for their last meal. Only I guess it's different because the orphans wouldn't even know the food is there, and if they did they wouldn't know that the death-row dabblers in deliciousness have eaten it. That's... not to say that you guys are like prison inmates. No. Not at all. And I'm sure you're not close to your last meal. In fact, I'm not really sure how accurate that metaphor was... Or how much it actually made sense. Uh... Yeah, I think I'm just beating a dead horse. But not literally.
And actually, while we're on the subject of dead -- or undead -- let's talk about the phrasing. I really don't like the term "zombie". I think it has a bad connotation. Let's be honest, people who are alive again don't really want to eat my brains. That's ridiculous. I've known many alive-again people and let me tell you, the first word out of their mouths is not "Braaaaaaains". That's just something out of science fiction. Oh, now you're just mocking me. Look, if you don't want to take this seriously, that's up to you. I just figured alive-again rights are something you'd be interested in, since you're clearly not dead... Which you're heartily proving to me by getting really close.
Ooookay. You know what? I'm going to need you to...uh, step back a bit? No, seriously, you don't want to be close to me, because I don't know who brought you back alive, but I have a good feeling about who can make you dead again, fast. Let's play a game. It's called "Take Five Giant Steps Away from Ned". Okay, good. One, Two, Thr-- Hey! Get AWAY! This is not a touching game!
Poll Vote!
Character: Charlotte "Chuck" Charles
Series: Pushing Daisies
Age: 28 years, 2 weeks, 3 days, 11 hours, and 51 minutes
Job: Second-Life Advisor
Canon: Young Ned was 9 years, 27 weeks, 6 days and 3 minutes old when he discovered that he had an unusual talent: with one touch he could restore life to the dead, and with another they were returned to their lifeless state forever. Furthermore, he learned that if he should allow the restored life to carry on for more than a minute, something else in the general vicinity would have to die in its place. The young boy grew up to be the Pie-Maker, and the Pie-Maker lived a quiet life of making pies and waking the dead - but only for a minute so as to find out who or what may have caused their untimely demise. All that changed, however, with the news that Lonely Tourist Charlotte Charles had been murdered.
The facts were these: Charlotte Charles - whom the Pie-Maker called "Chuck" - had been a neighbour of young Ned's. Tragedy had led Chuck to live a sheltered life, chained to a close proximity by her love and devotion towards her two aunts with matching social phobias. And though tragedy had struck again in the form of her murder, the girl named Chuck faced her (second) life with a renewed sense of self. Perky and spirited with a love for learning, a thirst for adventure, and a willingness to take risks and really live life, Chuck is finally able to unleash her hurricane personality upon the world. Fast-talking, witty, and a walking encyclopedia, the alive-again girl has a tendency to be pushy and steamroll others in conversations, often monologuing at length in a slightly self-centered fashion. But in truth she is kind-hearted, wanting to help those who were not as lucky as her to fulfill their last wishes or requests before their minute is up.
Sample Post:
I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but this wasn't exactly what I'd imagined when I was told transportation would be provided to CFUD: Campgrounds Fostering Undead Denizens. If I had known what was in store, I would have found a way to very nicely and politely decline the offer, but well... it is kind of a cute gimmick for a "Second-Life Advisor" to be introduced to the campers right out of a coffin, so I guess I can't be too mad. I did arrive here in one piece after all, and that's the best anyone can ask for! Oh, it looks like you weren't quite as lucky as me though. Here, let me help you get that arm-- no, don't worry, I've helped one of my aunts pop her arm back in her socket once so this should be a snap-- there we go! Good as new! Okay, maybe not quite as good as new, but I'm afraid there's nothing I can really do about that considering your... advanced condition.
You know, I read about this in a book once. All this fascinating hoodoo stuff going on in Louisiana, where some powerful sorcerer uses a strange brewed concoction that renders his victims all zombie-like with a total lack of willpower and the inability to speak coherently. And then they're forced to carry out their master's evil bidding, lurching and moaning, completely unaware of the situation! Isn't that just so neat? Oh, I'm sorry, that probably wasn't very sensitive of me was it, since I guess all of you would be said victims. But don't worry, I'll be here the whole time to hold your hand and support you through your second chance at life! I mean, think about it! How many people get an opportunity like this? We have to seize the day - Carpe diem! - and make the most of this!
Alright, everyone who has any regrets or unfulfilled desires raise your hand... or any other appendages that you still happen to possess, that works too! Anyway, there's no time more perfect than right now to act on these feelings. Think of it this way: you've overcome death, and there's really nothing scarier than that, is there? So - and this is just an example - if you ever harboured feelings for someone but felt for some inexplicable reason that you couldn't confess to them before, you absolutely could and can and should do it right this instant! If they cared for you in a really meaningful way they'd be able to look past your slightly splotchy complexion and lack of certain facial features and see what's really there deep, down inside! No, I didn't mean your organs, you can put those back; I'm talking about the unique and extraordinary personality that makes you, well... YOU. Braaaiiiins? Exactly! I'm sure whoever it is you're pining after will certainly appreciate your brains as well, so make sure to spruce it up with lots of great conversational topics! Here, you can practice on me right now!
Hmm, I think we're going to have to work on everyone's diction a bit, but it's nothing we can't fix with a little time and a lot of practice! Just remember that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity - ironic as that may sound! It's a great chance for you to hang on to everything you like about yourself, and get rid of all the things you don't, so let's get started--
AAAHH! I didn't mean that literally! Now if everyone would please line up in an orderly fashion to come reclaim their various body parts, I'd really appreciate that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nanba Io
Series: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e
Character Age: 35
Job: Fashion Consultant
Canon: HanaKimi is the touching story of Ashiya Mizuki, a young girl who moves across the world for the chance to meet and befriend her idol -- a Japanese high-jump star she saw on TV. This already sounds a little extreme, even before you add in the fact that in order to do this, she cuts off her hair and dresses as a boy to enroll in his all-boys school. Unfortunately, she's pretty awful at disguising herself as a boy. But despite most of her classmates being equally awful at noticing her true gender, a handful of people do discover her secret by some means or another. Among these are Izumi Sano, her aforementioned idol who also happens to be her roommate and quickly becomes her love interest, Umeda Hokuto, the school's very homosexual doctor, and about half of Umeda's family.
Included in that half of his family is his older sister, Nanba Io. Io is cheerful, charismatic, and a stunning beauty. But much like the rest of her family, she can go from being all charm and smiles, to kicking you in the face with a very fashionable pair of high heels in a matter of seconds. While she's not above using threats and physical violence against those around her, including her family, and earning herself nicknames like "demon woman", Io truly is a caring person. She often helps Mizuki out, and regularly gives her womanly advice about things like love and family. And when she's not having heartfelt conversations with cross-dressing teenagers, Io is a successful women's fashion designer, part-time operator of a summer seaside inn, and a loving mother and sister. Her son, Nanba Minami, may embarrassedly try to deny it, but to this day she still proudly carries around wallet-sized photos from his childhood when she would dress him in little girl's dresses. And Umeda likely went through great lengths and considerable physical abuse from Io to ensure that the similar photos from his own childhood never see the light of day again.
Sample:
They say that in fashion, one day you're in, and the next, you're out. Really though, some people are always in. Others only seem to make it about, oh, seventy percent of the way in, but for some people, that's enough. But what you should really be aiming for is a full one hundred percent, all in. And that's what I'm here for! With this great Io-sama's advice, none of your youthful potential will be lost to the travesty that is a bad fashion choice!
I think I'll start with you. Yes, you right over there, with the complexion problem. Don't be afraid to add some color to your wardrobe. And while it may sound like a color, gangrene doesn't count. Black is a basic necessity for any wardrobe, and while I can see how you'd need a color that hides questionable stains, perhaps you should consider just a splash of color here and there. ...No, a bloodstain isn't quite what I meant, but good try! But a nice and colorful beaded handbag to keep your, ah, spare limb in might be just the thing. ...Excuse me? Yes, beaded handbags are vintage, what of it? No, I wasn't around when they were in fashion the first time! Just what do you think you're implying?!
...Well then! It looks like I've gone and made you lose your head! Oops~ It looks I'll need to find another victim, then. Oh, right, fashion victim is what I meant, of course!
Oh, you'll do perfectly! You all seem to understand color better than she did, at least. Though, really, that much fur in one outfit is bad enough without mixing so many shades of purple. It is an in color this season, but that doesn't mean you should go overboard. But I'm glad some of you boys are already comfortable enough with fashion to move on to my next piece of advice: don't be afraid to embrace your femininity! You should really should try for a softer, more elegant look, though. Really, you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. All boys your age experiment with dressing like a girl from time to time, even my own son! And if they don't, they should! There isn't much you can do to understand women better than spending a day in her shoes. ...Or in panties, I suppose. But really, if you harvested them from that tree, maybe you ought to make like Victoria, and keep that a secret.
Poll Vote!
Character: Laguna Loire
Series: Final Fantasy VIII
Character Age: 44
Job: Man With a Machine Gun
Canon: Final Fantasy VIII is the classic story of a leather-clad, gunblade-wielding, moody teenage mercenary named Squall and his quest to figure out what the hell he wants out of life, and coincidentally possibly save the world along the way. It's also the story of an impulsive ex-soldier and his misadventures, which seem to have more of an impact than they may first appear.
Reckless, talkative and outgoing, Laguna is almost the opposite of the introverted Squall. Prone to rushing into things headfirst or sticking his foot in his mouth by blurting things out without thinking, Laguna tackles every task before him with gung-ho enthusiasm. Even so, he's a genuinely kind and loyal person at heart, as his lifelong comrades Kiros and Ward can attest. And while he tends to agree to things without thinking them through, not to mention the tendency for his leg to cramp up when he gets nervous, somehow people still trust him as an able leader, even as far as making him president of a powerful nation. Besides, in a world of evil sorceresses, time compression, and monsters falling from the moon, it's amazing how many problems can be solved with some quick thinking, faster talking, and a trusty machine gun.
Sample Post:
Allriiight! Finally gave 'em the slip! Sheesh, it's always "sir, please sign these documents" or "sir, your presence is required to oversee such-and-such" or "it's time for the meeting with so-and-so bigwig" day in and day out. Man, talk about stifling. A guy needs a break once in a while, you know? A little vacation for a while can't hurt. Besides, all work and no play makes Laguna a dull boy, ain't that right guys? Guys? Kiros? Ward? Ahh, they must've gotten held up somewhere. Guess that means it's up to me to scout out the area, then. Vacation, here I come!
Though I coulda sworn no one said anything about a swamp, and I'm pretty sure I got the right map this time... Hey you there! Yeah, you! Mind helpin' a guy out a bit? Seems I took a wrong turn somewhere, any chance you could tell me the way back to civilization? Lookin' for some resort place called Camphacudy, have you heard of it? I got an appointment with some serious R&R... Wait, you're saying this is it? And it's called "Camp Fuck You Die"? I always thought the name sounded funny, but you gotta be kidding me... Well, guess that's that, but you can still tell me how to get back to Esthar, right? Or wherever's nearby is fine, just point me in the direction outta here--
Alright, alright, I get it already! No one's allowed to leave here, so I'm stuck until I can figure something out... Come on, Laguna, look on the bright side, it may not be perfect, but it's still a chance for that vacation. Even if it is a kinda dingy swamp, gotta make the most of it! So, uh, suppose that deal 'bout a free stay for a little help 'round the place is no good too, huh? Oh, it's still on? Phew, that's a relief. The guys have all the money, you see, so that really had me worried for a moment there! Kiros insisted after last time... So what sorta work you got for me? Don't worry, I'm a bit of a jack-of-all-trades, you could say, so I'm used to the odd job here and there. So how 'bout it? Agent Laguna reporting for duty!
Start with exterminating some monsters and then you'll see, huh? Haha, piece of cake! No, really, I mean it. Believe it or not, you're lookin' at the former Monster Hunter of Winhill! Tell me where to start patrolling and I'll have it under control in no time! Around the lake? Yessir, Commander! ...man, compared to back home, this'll be a breeze, this might just be a vacation after all!
--Woah, better watch my step there, water like that can't be safe... Wait, is this the lake? You've gotta be kidding me! Looks almost like someone liquefied Malboro's breath and smells just as bad, too. Damn... well, sooner I get this done with, sooner I'm outta here, right? Just hang in there, Laguna, you can do this. Though not seein' much for monsters around here yet, other than whatever that thing is off in the middle of the lake... that's coming closer fast, and whoa, that's a whole lot bigger than it looked at first...
Wait, is that the monster that guy was talking about? You gotta be kiddin' me! What kinda madman thinks someone can take that on by himself? Damn, guess I got no choice, and anyway, no one's taking down Laguna Loire without a fight! --ow, dammit, just the time for my leg to cramp up again...
Poll Vote!
Name: Vladimir Taltos
Age: in his mid to late twenties
Series:The Dragaera novels by Stephan Brust.
Job: Assistant to the HR Department.
Canon: In a world not unlike the European Renaissance meets the fantastic, complete with tall, skinny pointy eared elves-known as Dragaerians-magic, and at least seventeen types of winged flying lizard things, where after a time of war and strife, peace and happiness abound and life in the Dragaerian Empire is beautiful and perfe-okay, not quite. Racism is everywhere, Easterners-or as we know them, humans-are second class citizens, the mafia thrives "secretly" under the noble house of the Jhereg, and assassination is still a criminal but viable career move and a human resources strategy in one.
Vlad is an Easterner who works for the primarily Dragerian House of the Jhereg, going up the ranks from collections to area boss and occasionally an assassin for hire in five years by dint of hard work and stubbornness. He'd also like to credit his strong curiosity and intelligence, but they seem to get him into trouble just as often as his questionable sense of "humor". But for all that he's a violent, cynical career criminal, Vlad's not a totally irredeemable person: he likes to act like a gentleman born; he's got his own skewed ethical code; and he's mostly polite as long as you're polite in return. Even to Dragaerians, whom he hates for being repressive assholes towards all Easterners.
Revivification is the term for the resurrection of the recently dead--which doesn't work if person's soul is made unavailable by spell or other means, such as a semi-sentient soul-eating and extremely illegal Morganti weapon. Anyone caught by the Imperials as an assassin will executed permanently without appeal, and because of this, Vlad frequently negotiates his jobs on behalf of "his friend".
The apper is taking Vlad from sometime shortly after the end of Tekla and before the start of Phoenix. Permission was granted by Biz for...well, you'll see.
Sample Post:
You are the Gorilla?
I was sent here by a "friend" on behalf of another friend, to do them a favor if you catch my drift. I'm looking for a retainer of Lady Elizabeth, of the house of the Speakers. But things look a little busy here. I can come back later if you're-done? You didn't need to hurry on account of me. I'm a patient man, I could have waited. He's over to the left? Thanks. Oh, and word to the wise, chum? Lose the fake pointed ears. I don't know who you got to sell you those, but I've never seen an elf with facial hair, let alone with all that purple stuff on your face. Plus, I don't think I've ever seen someone's ears start dissolving on them. You're better off wasting your money on the toucan fights, trust me. Or even just a pair of pants would be a step in the right direction.
Loud Speaker, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Vlad Taltos, here on behalf of a mutual "friend." "He" sends his apologies, but he's a busy man, so I agreed to help him out today. I hear that you might have a man with a speech control problem in your group of associates. Someone who keeps spilling the details on your plans for the lake? I agree that information flow is the key part of a successful enterprise and should be controlled carefully. Loose lips sink ships, as they say on the Adhrilanka docks. I'm more than happy to let my friend know that you have a real problem on your hands. I'm sure my "friend" can manage to find enough time to talk to this Soft Speaker. Make sure he can't speak freely to anyone except on the Paths of the Dead.
Here are my "friend's" preliminary terms for the job: five thousand gold when it's done and passage out of this barrier for us both at the end of the job. Not that my "friend" doesn't trust you, but you must admit that your defenses are legendary. My "friend" is also going to require more information on what Soft's like, and the more personal touches you might want. I assume you want him done unrevifiable, and yes, I'm sure my "friend" can make it stick, no matter how good this "Moogle" is with her revivification spells. Unrevifiable and in public? That will be extra for the risks incurred, you realize. And no, I don't think "my friend" needs to bring anything Morganti into this, unless Soft's spilling more than just information. You're tying my "friend's" hands if we can't bring any more people for legwork, so "he's" going to need names, dates and details on Soft: what food he ate last, where he sleeps, who he's seen with. Where he talks.
You have some preliminary notes? Let's see...mm. Wasn't expecting this sort of information up front, but I think I see something in here that could work... You do know my "friend" charges extra for breakups, Loud Speaker?
Poll Vote!
Character: Raven
Series: Tales of Vesperia
Character Age: 35
Job: Melon Inspector
Canon: Tales of Vesperia takes place on the world of Terca Lumiries, where people who live in its cities rely on ancient technology called ‘Blastia’ to provide barriers in order to stop monsters attacking their cities. However, these are only the barrier blastia, and other blastias supply the necessities for people such as water, electricity, and with even certain blastias, skills necessary for fighting the monsters roaming outside the cities. It is thanks to these that Yuri Lowell, the main protagonist, ended up chasing a Aque Blastia thief and via a series of coincidences and lol!plot twists, finds himself and his rag-tag group trying to prevent a madman from destroying the world.
Included in said rag-tag group is Raven, a guy who’s described as a superficial, fishy, womanizing trickster with a mysterious past who changes his story every time someone questions his dislike of something, and will do as little as needed. Despite these flaws, Raven does keep an eye out for people he considers his comrades, and gives out encouragement and meaningful advice as cryptically as possible when needed with his crude way of speaking. A skilled fighter despite his complaints about his age, and can be depended on the stickiest situations to pull through.
Just. Don’t count on it much.
Sample Post:
Hey hey! Yeah, you with the slacked jaw, lookin’ like you just woke up at the wrong side of the bed with the awful stench just comin’ down in waves right at me? Yeah, I’m lookin’ at ya right now, and ya know what? Since I’m bein’ so generous today, yer going to receive a free check up from yer one and only today! Can’t ya believe yer luck? No, I meant me, not the lady director or whoever the hell thought a freaggin’ swamp was the greatest place to put the camp grounds on.
Hohoho, what smells so good in the air, you say? Why, that’s the scent of my manly musk just radiatin’ from yers truly: me. Don’tcha love how strong it is-wait, whaddya mean, that’s not it? Ya mean to tell me you were sayin’ that it’s my brains that smells oh-so good? Don’t get my wrong lady, I may be on the market, but that doesn’t mean that every single part of me is on the market individually, good-lookin' dead people or not. Plus I never said that my brain is detachable either, and I would love to have it on me a little longer, ya hear me?
…no, I don’t need you tryin’ ta kill me as it is, and no, I don’t want some weird purple gorilla from the camp or any variation of it rippin’ up my body either. Geez, can’t you just pretend that I said yer pretty already? It already feels like ya wanna just eat me up or somethin’ which I don’t want from ya’ and it’s hard to concentrate when ya keep movin’ yer damn body. Oh, and did I already mention it feels like you wanna just eat me up? It’s flattering and all but it’s kinda distracting, ‘specially since I’m tryin’ to check ya chest up here and holy-
...y’know, this never happened to me before, and I think yer melons are reattachable, you bein’ dead and all. Good to honest, cross my heart, I swear I ain’t lyin’ that I didn’t do this on purpose! What, ya want me to try puttin’ it back? It’s already weird enough that I’m holdin’ melons that’s not attached to a body!
You know what, even with your detachable melons and yer love of my magnificent physique and brains, ya still look like ya wanna hurl somethin’ nasty. Maybe you should take a nice walk ‘round the place so ya can cool off, and probably see the go ol’ doc up in camp. Yeah, we’re just goin’ to be walkin’ down by the lake, me carrying yer melons and you not think of anyone’s brain or underwe - wait, don’t go to the right, you’ll just end up in the la-
…
…oh. Oh man, as much as I woulda loved to see this back home and damn do I now want ta unsee it, I didn’t know that’s even physically possible even with a squid. Or with that many tentacles, even.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Billy / Doctor Horrible
Series: Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
Age: Appears in the mid-twenties
Job: Arts and Crafts teacher / laundry-doer
Canon: You would think a villain would spend time on... well, villainy, and not blogging about his successes and failures for the internet. You would think wrong in the case of Billy and his alter ego, the not-so-nefarious Dr. Horrible. In Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog he sings and talks about the apple of his eye, the optimistic idealist Penny; his "corporate tool" jockey arch nemesis, Captain Hammer; and his ambition to get into the Evil League of Evil, led by Bad Horse, the Thoroughbred of Sin. He's too painfully shy to have a normal conversation with Penny; Captain Hammer beats him up regularly; and he's built numerous contraptions that have either failed in some way, malfunctioned, or he lost the nerve to use to try and get into the Evil League of Evil. Overall, he does not a very good track record.
Billy by himself isn't a kind of guy that would stand out. He wears unremarkable clothes and is painfully shy around the love of his life. He also has some very stalker-ish tendencies, to the point of memorizing Penny's laundry schedule (Wednesdays and Saturdays, except twice last month that she missed the weekends). He's a cynic who generally doesn't believe in the good of other people. Dr. Horrible is that one that acts on these cynicisms and, more importantly, the want for Penny to notice and respect him. He’s a full believer in chaos, anarchy and destroying the status quo. Even then, though, he's a technical pacifist who wouldn't kill a kid or want kids to be hurt as collateral damage. He views killing as uncreative and would very much not like to turn to it as a means of getting ahead. At heart, he's a much better guy than the supposed "hero" of the city.
Sample Post: Attention all citizens, toucans, tentacles, gorillas and undead of the city of Fud! Cease your tedious chores and mindless ignorance, for I, Doctor Horrible, have come to either perpetrate a heist, theft, or a killing by order of the Evil League of Evil. And by order, I mean a recommendation to this place by Bad Horse. You can’t get it much better than that, can you? Now, if you could all just lay down any arms-and, uh, by arms I mean guns, not those arms, but I guess it’s a bit late to say that-and weapons you might have, we can all ignore the “or killing” part I just mentioned. Some of you even have enough merits to get into the Henchmen’s Union. So if you all just surrender to the master of horribleness, it’ll be nice and easy to get a letter of condemnation from Mayor Elizabeth Sayre, I won’t even need to use nonlethal measures…. But this is a pretty rural town. Why would the Thoroughbred of Sin want to try and make a big hoof mark in this place?
Oh. Ohh. This is a summer camp? Really? With kids and stuff? Well, that’s a big chance in plans. Let’s see what I’m supposed to be doing here-Arts and Crafts teacher?! Slash laundry-doer? That couldn’t be it! I have a PHD in horribleness! I even did the suitably villainous introduction! Most people would have ignored that and gone straight to the… throwing cars at people’s heads and pounding things to smithereens, you know. How am I supposed to get a latter of condemnation from here if I’m supposed to be an arts and craft teacher? Honestly… There’s not worse situation for me to be in. And I don’t even like doing laundry! … Ugh. Whatever. If it’s from the Evil League of Evil, I have to do it. I bet she would see it as something good, too, even if it is incredibly inane. Let’s try this. Have any of you guys tried to make a freeze ray? No, not an ice ray, Ook Ook, a freeze ray. How about a muscle-weakening ray? No? We’re going to have to start from scratch, then.
First thing first-What’s your drive for building these kinds of things? I mean, have you ever seen a little old lady crossing the street, and then some idiot goes running across and knocks her over while trying to save a cat from a tree or something? Or seen the girl of your dreams making out with your arch nemesis? Or, how about this-destroying the status quo! It’s all about taking. For example, when I arrived, I used my transmatter ray to get a wardrobe probably full of precious valuables out of someone’s cabin.
… It’s, uh, a puddle right now. The molecules kind of shift, but-that’s the steps we’re going to take, right?
Poll Vote!