(no subject)
moar votins.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed.
Character: Balthier
Series: Final Fantasy XII
Character Age: 22
Job: Official Escort Into Treasurous Treacherous Dungeons
Canon: Princesses, Espers, and wars, oh my! The war-torn Kingdom of Dalmasca serves as the backdrop to this tale, as Princess Ashelia fights with an unlikely group to take revenge against the Archadian Empire that destroyed her home. After all, how hard can be it to take down one of the two biggest empires in the region? An assassination attempt, some subterfuge, maybe a side quest or two? Well, what they find out about Ivalice and themselves is more than what they bargained for. What starts as a seemingly straight-forward path soon turns into something that the heroes find will shape the very future of Ivalice itself.
Balthier is the self-titled "leading man" of the group. A suave, sophisticated, and slightly self-centered sky pirate, Balthier stops at (nearly) nothing to obtain treasure. While he may seem aloof and almost casual to a fault when it comes to such trivial things as a bounty on his head and flying into a burning magic storm in the sky, Balthier is among the best in the business. Whether he's sneaking into a heavily guarded palace or making plans to help overthrow empires, Balthier knows how to keep his cool, his charm and his wits about him. It helps that he has a beautiful partner, Fran, to keep him in line. He has a soft spot for people who remind him of what he used to be-- someone who wanted to be free to be themselves, without the limitation of their birth. After all, a leading man has to be likable, doesn't he?
Sample Post:
All right, everyone. Listen up. Or at least try to give me your attention, for those of you are are lacking the necessary body parts to listen. I'm only going to say this once, so don't make me repeat myself.
I am the one, the only, the magnificent... me. Otherwise known as Balthier, sky pirate extraordinaire. If you haven't heard of me, I can only tell you what you've been missing. Don't worry, soon enough I'll have become so acquainted with this camp that not even I will know what to do with myself. With your help, of course, in more ways than one. I know, I know. You can scarcely contain your excitement. But please, for both of our sakes, try to keep the rest of it inside where it belongs. The last thing either of us needs is for the remainder of your guts all over my shoes, where we both know they don't belong. It's hard enough keeping my laundry clean in a swamp; harder still when there's no shortage of Mist monsters crawling around. Hold yourself together, and I don't care if you take that literally. There's certainly enough sticks and rope in this swamp for you to do so.
It was tales of treasure troves and unmarked maps that had lured me to this faraway city. I had hoped to find what I was looking for, finish my business quick and easy, and be on my merry way. Unfortunately, it seems this entire camp is a "no parking airships" zone, and my airship has been towed, my partner inside. I can't pay this ticket just yet-- I'm afraid I don't have over 9000 gil on hand, so instead, I'm willing to offer my services.
You don't need me to tell you what this encampment could use most: a smart, strong man who knows his way around. A man who can get the job done, who can get "hands on" without losing those hands. A man with everything intact. A man like... myself. Well then, consider yourself lucky. I can name quite a few people who would jump at the opportunity to borrow my services, but for you, my dear friends, I would be glad to assist relatively free of charge. Keep in mind, I do have to pay the towing fee, after all.
So! Where do we start? A trip down the Caves of Despair? Do you have a cabin that needs the newest nest of gorillas cleared out? Perhaps you have an old, ruined treasure map that points to the darkest parts of the swamps and need a guide who knows how to handle his tools? I can hardly wait. You see, the handling of goods is among my many skills. It's my area of expertise, if you will. It hardly matters if the treasure is in a dark swamp or damp cave, or in other more... delicate locations. Of course, you needn't accompany me on my trip to collect it. All I need is your map and your good wishes, and perhaps just a few of your finest weapons of choice. The weapons with the pointy bits at one end, that is. Bones are only good for selling off as loot, not hitting another person with them. You would know that, wouldn't you? Or perhaps not, as you appear to be missing several of your own.
So here we are, my good friend. You've got a once in a life time opportunity to hire my services. Smart, strong and completely whole men seem to be a rarity these days. Looking around at the locals here, I can't possibly imagine why.
Poll Vote!
Name: Arachne
Series: Soul Eater
Age: Over 800
Job: Substitute Mother
Canon:People say high school can be soul-sucking, and that's especially true at Shibusen, a tech school run by the Grim Reaper where the students work together as wielder and living weapons to collect souls. The curriculum is tough for Death's understudies, since the students don't collect the souls of the dead, but rather the corrupted souls of evil humans. Being teacher’s pet makes you more unpopular than usual, working with the ultimate pass/fail of life or death, since to be top of your class you need 99 corrupted souls... and one soul of a witch.
800 years ago, the witch Arachne was on the verge of dying, having lost a battle with the Reaper. Instead, she split her body into innumerable spiders, and scattered them across the world. Thanks to SPOILERS, she's become strong enough to pull those spiders back into the body of a Grade-A MILF -- or close enough, as she commands an underground cult where the members "love her like a mother". As a targeted witch, she resents Shibusen, and her cult -- Arachnophobia -- preaches a strong dogma of "don't fear the Reaper", while working for his downfall. Arachne is a meddler, but despite her incredible power, she doesn't like to involve herself directly. She'd rather wait and watch, sending others to do physical tasks for her. She likes control, but is aware that it is not necessary to have it, just as long as the other party believes that she does. In confrontations she is calm and often mockingly polite, just this side of disdainful, and oozes badtouch -- aided by the way that, thanks to her spiders, she not only knows what you did last summer, but this morning in the shower as well.
Sample Entry:
Now, Elizabeth... I don't think it was very polite to bring me all the way out here before I'd consented, and in such poor conditions, do you? How disappointing. You might have at least sent a fancy car to transport me, but I can overlook it. You needn't tell me what you want from me, nor is there any need to explain the rules -- I've seen everything in this world, and I already know about your camp and your...charming campers, thanks to my spiders; they crawl this camp site, and often return the most interesting of search results. Yes, there's almost nothing I can't find out, with my world-wide web, but don't bother to act surprised -- I know you better than that, as well.
You won't convince me, Dear Director, that you haven't noticed my presence here already: my darling spiders, those smaller pieces of myself quietly threading among your residents...Ohohoh~ My, but it seems some of these children haven’t received a lot of love ...I would gladly offer them my embrace, should they desire it. It looks like they're often quite naughty children, doesn't it? So I know they must desire something of the sort, what with that pesky rule of yours -- you're worse than an overbearing mother, aren't you? Are you jealous? You've lost your dear love, and you can't stand to have attention focused on anyone but yourself, and so by restricting your children, you ensure whatever passions they feel, desire or hatred, will be directed towards you? How very sad, and so very oedipal.
But what an interesting approach to solving your mystery -- Will you pin the death of your husband on the one who desires you most? With a manipulative tactic like that, I could almost respect you as a fellow witch...but I've seen your limits. Your power stretches no further than the physical barrier -- how sad. Very well, I'll assist you in frustrating your campers for as long as it amuses me to do so, and you will let me leave when I desire. Don't expect to hear "mother may I" from me -- Has it not occurred to you that neither you nor your barrier are as powerful and absolute as you might desire? People are leaving you all the time...haven’t you noticed? Lately, they’ve been dropping like flies.
Poll Vote!
Character: Gabi (Daijirou Washio)
Series: .hack//G.U.
Character Age: Appears to be a fully adult Beastman, 68 in real life
Job: Advice Columnist
Canon: The World is the most popular MMORPG in, well, the world, and everyone wants to play! Even after rumors pop about a dangerous computer virus infecting it, and player-killers (PKers in game parlance) sending their victims into comas, because clearly that's absurd, right? Computer games can't actually affect the real world, and no major company would be dumb enough keep running the game if people were going to go into comas.. Except they do, and so one young boy is determined to get vengeance and find the answers after his not-girlfriend is PKed. Along the way, he meets a wide variety of characters.
In Gabi’s case, he’s a 68 year old ex-novelist and a retired professor of anthropology in real life. With that rl background, you'd expect him to be a wise old mentor archetype. But instead, he's a giant, muscular beastman and the leader of a 5,000 plus guild of ruthless PKers. Basically he treats The World as a place where he can relax from dealing with petty things like ethics committees and go “Man, this 13-year-old is hot when cornered! :D” And yes, he really does abuse smilies and exclamation points like that.
Note: The director's interview question is from here.
Sample Post:
“Every man in a village of 100 married couples has cheated on his wife. Every wife in the village instantly knows when a man other than her husband has cheated, but does not know when her own husband has. The village has a law that does not allow for adultery. Any wife who can prove that her husband is unfaithful must kill him that very day. The women of the village would never disobey this law. One day, the queen of the village visits and announces that at least one husband has been unfaithful. What happens?”
This is a pretty difficult question, Miss Director! I have a firm policy against reading things more than three lines long, and that’s at least four! :) But I guess it can't be helped! Hmmmm.
If that is the way of their world, then so be it! When promises are not kept for too long, then making it clear that they still exist can get pretty messy! But if that is the law, then it is the law! Those who question hard enough to find out, will! Those who don't, won't! And the husbands can react as they want, too! The queen must not be bored, after all.
I'm hired? Hahaha! What for? I was unaware that you were interviewing me for a job, Miss Director! :) I don't remember my resume having my activities in The World on it. A job where "dicking around with 5000 PKers in a way that got their absolute loyalty" would be a qualification sounds rather interesting! You must have a pretty unusual job in mind!
Advice columnist? Hmmmm. No thanks! My guild keeps me pretty occupied already. "Dicking around with 5,000 PKers" as you put it is a pretty full time job! :D There are tournaments to watch, promises to enforce, people to talk to, and so on! Can you promise me even less boredom?
But then, maybe you can! You're rather interesting yourself, after all! A desire to keep things lively is a very attractive trait, don't you think? But really, don't you think you could add some more inducements? I'm not interested in being bored, after all. A woman of your many talents could surely think of something. :)
Hahahaha! I suppose that's it then! I've never seen a mile-long slippery tunnel with laser beams, flying robot guardians, and a tentacle monster at the end before! It was an interesting new experience, but I , but if this is the way of things, then so be it! Come, campers one and all, tell me your problems! :)
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Naruse Ryou
Series: Maou
Character Age: 27
Job: Foreign legal consultant
Canon: Imagine if the Director's tale was turned into a jdrama. Except she already knew the murderer. And was out to systematically butcher every single person important to the poor guy, leaving nothing but tarot cards and Christian references on the crime scene. A remake of the Korean original, "Maou" is one of the few thriller stories where it's not the identity of the mastermind that matters, but the way he spins his web.
Naruse Ryou is that cold-blooded murderer in "Maou", out for revenge on the man who killed his poor little brother. Brilliant, meticulous and ruthless, Naruse has never once sullied his hands with his victims' blood - he manipulates a third person to do the killing for him. One thing he does do in person is tail his victims, take photographs and display the pictures under red lighting in a dark room at home. Creepy stalker is creepy. But while the real Naruse is filled with rage, emo and HATE, Naruse's public face is the "angelic lawyer", a handsome, courteous defense attorney who, guided by the principle to present 'nothing but the truth', has saved the lives of countless innocents. Not only does he willingly give legal advice to any who asks, he's extremely modest about it too. He might not smile or react very much, and he likes to do all that cryptic talk behind an unreadable poker face, but it's still hard to suspect such a benevolent soul to be a crazy killer.
Note: To prevent major spoilers, Naruse is taken near the beginning of the series.
Sample entry:
Ah. Good evening, Miss... Sayre, was it? You wish to be on more familiar terms? Very well then, Miss Liz. Miss Liz, I have reviewed your request. It seems the residents of your facility are pressing a number of charges. Amongst many others, they list kidnapping, smuggling, radioactive poisoning, childhood rape, mind rape, tentacle rape, indecency, and violent assault in all manners and forms.
I would imagine a summer camp is not the easiest establishment to manage, especially when your children come from such a wide range of backgrounds. Still, that will not be enough to make a case for you. Take the indecency complaint, for instance. Subsection 223 (d) of The Communications Decency Act clearly states a prohibition of using "an interactive computer service to send to a specific person or persons under 18 years of age indecent material". Had the definition of "indecency" only included the use of offen-- Miss Liz, kindly stop gnawing on my head. Thank you. Had the definition only included the use of offensive images, it would have been a simple case of defending any and all 4chan links as works of art and high literature - a challenge, but not impossible.
However, given that the definition covers comments and all other communication - teeth away from my head, Miss Liz - we are in a bind. In your defense, again, it is hard to control adolescents from talking about sex in the course of 7 million comments, much less prevent such a high percentage of homosexuality. All the same, you will still be put to trial as the Director responsible for this establishment. Besides, I understand that the gorillas are your creation, and that already serves as physical evidence for over half of these lawsuits.
Be that as it may, there is a way out of this. First, let's see if you recognize this tale. A cold, calculating woman, ruined in many ways by her father, cared only for her own creations. This same woman had a dear childhood friend, who expressed his affections in the form of badly written poetry. At first, she hated him. But when her heart finally opened for him, in a dramatic turn of events, the man was brutally murdered. What does this have to do with your case? Well, rumor has it that the woman was so enraged over the death of her fiancŽ, she began a cruel string of experiments in an attempt to find the killer and exact vengeance. Experiments that involve a certain summer camp.
Judging from your silent drooling, you must be familiar with this story. The woman has every right to hate, don't you agree? After all, her loved one was mercilessly torn away from her. The pain of such loss can be... excruciating. Pain at a level which residents of this establishment are not likely to comprehend, fortunate that they are, as they possess these creatures they call Moogles who can revive them. But never fear; I strongly believe that the woman in the story will find the perpetrator. There is only one truth... which is why this tragic tale can be turned into a strong argument for your case.
In short, Miss Liz, because of your intriguing circumstances, I will accept you as my client. On the condition, of course, that you meet me in person next session, instead of sending in this zombie with a bad wig and a tape recorder.
Poll Vote!
Character name: The Doctor (The Tenth Doctor)
Series: Doctor Who
Age: Approximately 903, though his physical age appears to be mid-30’s.
Job: Historian of Alien Cultures (particularly extinct ones that he was responsible for destroying, though that bit’s not exactly common knowledge).
Canon: The Doctor is the last of the Time Lords (as far as he knows, at least, although that information has certainly been proved wrong before), a species that has the power to regenerate into a new body when they are near death. As he is currently on his tenth regeneration, he has been traveling through time and space for more years than anyone could possibly count, with more companions than anyone could possibly keep track of - well, to be fair, he’s the only one who seems to have a bit of a problem keeping track of them, or the last time he saw them, or the last planet where he dropped them off - that sort of thing.
As for the Tenth Doctor’s personality, he is extremely talkative and enthusiastic, often cracking jokes while in the midst of dire situations (yes, this is actually canon) or pointing out just how very clever he is. The fact that he is quite the formidable opponent, one who has fought against and defeated many enemies, is not at all obvious given his skinny and less than intimidating frame. As his most recent companion so tactfully put it, he looks rather akin to “a long streak of alien nothing.”
Sample Entry:
Why, that’s beautiful!
…Well. No, actually. Upon closer examination, it isn’t. Not anywhere near as lovely as the likes of werewolves and homicidal clockwork men. They were positively gorgeous, but for some unfathomable reason, not another soul in the room seemed to think so. Can’t imagine why, to be quite honest with you. And then, I mustn’t neglect to mention those magnificently sentient blobs of fat…. Wait. Er. What was I on about? I’m sure there was something…. Oh, yes. These creatures. It’s a bit more difficult to find the beauty in something that is thoroughly, unquestionably, dead. Well. To be fair, dead and decomposing. With…bits dropping off left and right. Blimey.
What, precisely, do they intend for me to do here? I wasn’t very keen on coming to this “camp” place, to be honest. When the invitation appeared on my psychic paper, you see-and it’s a bit rude for just anyone to be sending me personal notes on my psychic paper-I merely scribbled a most noncommittal note back. Said that I would consider it, and that was that. Next thing I know, I crash-land here, and it was very hard on the TARDIS, poor girl. And I had distinctly just set the controls to England, 1963, which this is most decidedly not.
So! I suppose I ought to find out exactly where this camp is-where this proverbial wrong turn in the Time Vortex has taken me. Vegetation looks rather Earth-like…. If this isn’t Earth itself, then it must be Earth-inspired. And the cabins- Er, sorry, but I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable with the idea of having a pack of the undead following me around. So if you could kindly shove off, that would be brilliant, yeah? Then again, I can’t blame the poor old zombies if even they fancy me. That seems to be the popular opinion among all the people I meet. Well. Most of the people I meet. Well. Do zombies count as people? At any rate, who could blame them? I am rather dashing. Not to mention a genius. Must be why the powers-that-be of this camp were so desperate to get me here. Now, where was I? Time Vortex…Earth-inspired.... Oh, yes. The cabins.
I’ve never been particularly fond of cabins. Too drafty, absolutely no sense of aesthetics, and the last time I stayed in one was during that trip to Barcelona that got rather derailed. Ended up on Poosh due to a smattering of abnormal frequencies in the Vortex, and the TARDIS got carted off by a glorious, rather scaly-looking lifeform the minute I stepped outside. Had to spend the entire night in this rubbish little wooden structure that I can only assume was their version of a rubbish cabin. I would’ve enjoyed getting better acquainted with the scaly being, really, but I spent the entire time trapped in the bloody cabin while an atmospherically-generated ion storm raged outside.
And now I’m presumably on Earth, at some camp-or-other, and it’s positively covered in cabins? That’s even worse than the hordes of the undead, to be quite frank. They could have at least painted them blue. A lovely, sensible, Police Box-like blue. The cabins, rather, not the undead. The undead are, actually, already rather on the blue side. I’ll be hopping back into my lovely blue Police Box now, thank you, and I’m afraid I won’t be returning. No hard feelings and all that. What’s this? A disembodied voice just seemed to say that I couldn’t leave. Told me that there is no escape, and that I am inevitably doomed to stay trapped on this dreadful cabin-planet forever- Was that a sentient bird? …The voice emanated from a talking bird?
….Why, you’re beautiful!
Poll Vote!
Character: Shinobu Morita
Series: Honey and Clover
Age: 27
Job: Loans Officer
Canon: Honey and Clover is a coming of age story about 5 art school students living in Tokyo. The series deals with their trials and tribulations such as suriving on a poor college student's bank account and getting their assignments done. Basically, normal stuff right? Too bad there's Morita who enjoys making life more complicated.
Morita is, simply put, a bane of people's existance. Completely irresponsible, he's been stuck at art school for 8 years doing his undergrad. He is intolerably cheerful, obnoxious and /random/. He's also a money maniac and looks up to Bill Gates as his idol. Unlike his classmates, he's not actually a poor college student at all (he's filthy rich!), but that doesn't stop him from being a complete free loader. Completely shameless, he is not above acting like a spoilt child, and will throw temper tantrums full of crying, yelling and threats of lawsuit. Believe it or not, Morita is actually capable of being serious and perceptive, but those moments are rare. Not to mention he's also a multi-talented genius. I guess there's a little truth in the belief that geniuses are a little eccentric.
Sample App:
Hello friends~! I am Shinobu Morita, artist extraordinaire slash Academy Award winning Computer Graphics coordinator slash Enka singer and performer, but I am none of those here! Today I'm Shinobu Morita of Wow, that Morita, He's So Great Inc., money loans service! You like the name? I thought of it myself ten minutes ago.
When I heard that most of you guys don't have money, I cried! It was so sad! So, I thought that I, being the good person that I am, would offer my services just for you~ Yaaaaay, aren't you lucky! That and the big purple guys really wanted me here. Don't think I forgotten, jerks! You were rough! And Where's the candy you promised?!
To give you a better idea, I composed a jingle!
♪ With Shinobu-kun's money
Your dreams will come true
Just remember to return it
Or I will come get you~
At80%interestratecompoundeddaily~. ♫
That last bit? It's just music, music. Why? Don't you trust me? How can you say this face is dishonest... Y-YOU SAID IT! How could you? That really hurt my feelings, you know. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw. Fine! If that's your attitude, I have the right mind not to do you any favors at all! Humph.
I really can't stay mad at you at all, silly. I'll be completely upfront. Agree to my terms and I'll get this suitcase full of money. Hahahahahahahahaha that monopoly money must have accidently slipped in. Look, isn't it beautiful?. Aaaaaaah, I just wanna roll around in it. You agree, don't you? Let's shake on it.
And just because your arm came off in the middle of it, doesn't mean you can get out of our deal. Hahaha. I mean it, I'LL SUE THE PANTS OFF OF YOU. Let's be friends. ♥
Poll Vote!
Name: Captain Amelia
Age: mid to late 20s
Series: Treasure Planet
Job: Catfight Instructor
Canon: Treasure Planet is an example why pirates and treasure hunters are twice as cool when when you put them in space. It follows the protagonist Jim Hawkins, a kid whose attitude and passion for flying in restricted areas was leading into delinquency and the potential incarceration at juvenile hall. However, this all changes when he receives a map from a dying alien pirate -- a map to the legendary Treasure Planet, where the infamous Captain Nathaniel Flint hid the loot of a thousand worlds. Deciding to follow his childhood dream to find the planet, Jim and Dr. Doppler, a friend of the family, hire a captain and assemble a crew to take on the perilous voyage. Along the way they face various challenges; a supernova, a mutiny, and the race to get to the treasure before the pirates who betrayed them do -- but it all ends well, as only a Disney movie can.
Amelia is the feline captain of the R.L.S. Legacy, and she runs a tight ship. Professionalism and perfection are the high standards that she holds herself, her crew, and her ship to, and if you fall short, she'll be the first to tell you. Catty in both senses of the word, she is witty, sarcastic, and refuses to tolerate any stupidity. But she isn't all attitude;she has the skills to keep everything in line. She is quick and agile, able to climb rigging with a cat-like grace, a capable fighter, as well as an expert on sailing ships through even the harshest conditions. Despite her seemingly cold exterior, however, she isn't completely heartless; she does care for those subordinates that have earned her respect, and while they aren't exempt from her criticisms, she does her best to keep them safe.
Sample App:
Well now, how can I put this eloquently? Ms. Sayre, while I was initially relieved when I was informed that I would be able to replace my crew with the "finest crew this side of the Mississippi," I can't say that this is what I had in mind. You see, when I am assured that the crew is able-bodied, I expect them to have at least a sound majority of their limbs intact. And when I am told that they're a strong, healthy crew, I expect them to live up to those words. The gentlemen before me make men infected with scurvy look at the peak of physical shape. While I'm sure they have their uses, I am afraid that I have to ask you to reassemble a crew that is up to par, or I will have to terminate our agreement. After all, I do have the right to be critical; if I am temporarily working as a fighting instructor, I do expect that the payment be equal to services rendered.
I believe I can assume that this gaggle of purple fellows are to be my students then? You'll have to excuse my confusion, as their current behavior seems more suited for a space circus than the battlefield. I suppose points can be given for creativity with regards to their attire, despite the impracticality for combat. The element of surprise can be an asset at times. And a pink sequined dance suit can surely be considered surprising. Alright, all of you! Eyes on me, line up, and zip your howling screamers. I am going to give you your instructions once, and you will execute the directions perfectly, do you understand? ...Perfectly. Not 'purrfectly'. I suppose I should note that enunciation, as well actual wit can also be a useful tool in a fight, though as I am not the Catty Insults Instructor, you will have to seek aid for that on your own. Now back to the subject at hand.
Pay attention as I demonstrate this defensive maneuver. From the way your purple comrade fell, you can tell that I was able to anticipate the way he would move towards me, and turn it against him-- so no, you cannot call it 'the copy-cat,' as that would be inaccurate. ...Nor can you call it a 'little turn on the catwalk.' If you would give your attention to this next move, it will probably save your pathetic skins when someone less patient than I decides that you've made one too many terrible puns. As you can see, I have just scaled up this rather tall tree. Not only does this give me a high vantage point to perhaps take shots at those whom I am fighting, but this-- Fine. Alright, yes, if you are absolutely insistent on it, you can call it 'the ceiling cat', but it's a simple climbing technique really-can also provide for retreat. Now it's your turn.
That... well that was a rather soul-sucking embarrassment, wasn't it? I suppose you should be grateful this is only practice, as the results would have been catastrophic in actual combat. All of you dimwits ran straight into the wall, with the exception of one. Oh, don't believe I'm praising you just yet. You technique was sloppy, and your timing was-- what in the name of the Procyon Armada are you writing? Oh, are you taking notes? Impressive. That's a mark of initiative, a fine quality. Why don't you present them? Perhaps it can be of some benefit to the others.
...We are not amused.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Long John Silver
Series: Disney's Treasure Planet
Age: Appears to be in his forties.
Job: Resident Mutineer, Scallywag, and All-Around Backstabber
Canon: In addition to being pitifully underrated and Disney's biggest monetary loss to date (ouch), Treasure Planet is a scifi retelling of Robert Louis Stevenson's famous Treasure Island. And by scifi I mean it has the whole shebang -- laser cannons, space, aliens, and, most importantly, furries. The movie follows the adventure of Jim Hawkins, who, after being given a strange orb (actually a map) by a strange, dying man (actually a pirate), ends up on the (space)ship headed to the legendary Treasure Planet, where the infamous Captain Flint supposedly hid "the loot of a thousand worlds." Unbeknownst to Jim, the crew of the ship, excluding the captain, himself, and the doctor, is made up entirely of pirates -- all of whom intend to stage a mutiny and take the treasure for themselves.
John Silver is the resident bear-humanoid-alien-cyborg-cook of the R.L.S. Legacy, and seems every bit the charismatic, jovial spacer -- the canon equivalent of a sailor -- he claims to be. In his own words, he's, "nothing if [he] ain't a kidder." While he's not afraid to be harsh with Jim or any of the other crew mates, Silver flirts shamelessly with the captain, Amelia, kisses up to the first mate, loves to joke around, and has a soft spot a mile wide for his pet -- a floating, pink blob named Morph. However, Silver himself is also a pirate, the leader of the mutiny, and much more manipulative and temperamental than he lets on. While Silver honestly cares about Jim, and even fills the role of surrogate father during their time on the ship, he's spent his entire life -- and lost an arm, eye, and leg -- searching for Flint's treasure, and will do almost anything to get his hands on it.
Sample Entry:
Now, a title like that cuts me to the quick! For anyone other'n yourself, Director, m'lass, those would be words strong enough to set a date, time, and grave! These old bones are long past their time for gettin' into all that nonsense, I can promise you that. I be but a humble cook with naught but this arm and a pipe to my name. Never seen or done nothin' I wouldn't've been willin' to have me own mother herself there to witness. Ahh, well, we spacers have a sensitive way about us, believe it or not, can't take it too personal. I can tell you've got a fine sense of humor 'bout you. And smart as paint! That's somethin' you don't see everyday. Not many c'n keep their wits about them, runnin' a place like this! Now, pardon me for sayin' so, but ol' Silver speaks from his heart, he does. All work and no profit, stuck in such a place, reminders o' heartbreak all around -- that's no situation for a sharp lass such as yourself. Sharp as a clipper, y'are, and I'd be daft to question the word of a captain, but t'ain't right! So if there's anythin' you need seein' to, anythin' t'all, you just let me take care of it.
An' speak o' the devil! Those ghouls are raisin' a great right ruckus. I don't envy your job, I don't, not with souls the likes of these free to roam as they please, an' you tryin' to find a spare moment to reel 'em in. Ahh, now, lass, you keep your seat. I'll take see this through. These gears might be gettin' a bit rusty, but that door's no closer than the top deck of a ship, an' this bein' without winds an' waves. I'll more'n manage, don't you worry 'bout me. You jus' see if you can't find this hunk o' hardware a milder sort of occupation. Ha, just a momentary aberration, back in a jiff, now... Ahem!
And what do the lot of you think you're doing? Moanin' and groanin', carryin' on as if the devil hisself were standin' before ye! I don't want none of your excuses! After all the trouble I went through gettin' here, you think I'm going to put our deal before meself? I'll work for my interests and my interests alone if you so much as think about bellyachin'! I got the lass on my good side, y'hear, and I won't have you bunch of lollygagging, rot-mouth landlubbers makin' a mess o' things. Once we get to talkin' frank and honest, I'll see if I can't do somethin' 'bout your situation. Until then, you do what you've always done, an' you mind your step. I'll let you know when you're needed. Do we have an understandin'?
-- Ahh, Director, m'lass, where were we? You'll have t' excuse this old cyborg, never had much patience for them with a mind to disrespect their employer, as it were. But I'll try to keep meself from strayin' into things I shouldn't, for your sake an' mine. As for that "Mutineer and Scallywag" nonsense, that I'll have nothin' to do with it, now or ne'er. You can lay to that! But I'm far from useless, I am. O'er twenty years spent in one galley or another makes a quick study, it does. Take me on as a cook, lass, you won't be disappointed! My bonzabeast stew will knock the socks clean off any man's feet! ...Haaa, I knew you'd come 'round. Bonnie lass, y'are, wit shinin' in your eyes like a solar flare! Now, 'course, there is one last matter t' be discussin'. That is, the ingredients 'round these parts t'ain't quite what I'm used to. Back where I comes from, there ain't no such thing as parts best left unserved, if you understand my meanin'. Hide, head, an' whole, that's my motto, and a true lesson for the ages, f'you ask me! There's that bit about men what should be dead not quite stayin' as such, so it comes to my mind that those gentlemen what came by before -- that bein' a near insult to the class o gentlemen, mind you -- well, per'aps you'd be so kind as t' let me borrow a few parts here an' there? Won't hardly trouble 'em, you know as well as I.
After all, what's an arm or leg lost here an' there in the grand scheme o' things, eh?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed.
Character: Balthier
Series: Final Fantasy XII
Character Age: 22
Job: Official Escort Into Treasurous Treacherous Dungeons
Canon: Princesses, Espers, and wars, oh my! The war-torn Kingdom of Dalmasca serves as the backdrop to this tale, as Princess Ashelia fights with an unlikely group to take revenge against the Archadian Empire that destroyed her home. After all, how hard can be it to take down one of the two biggest empires in the region? An assassination attempt, some subterfuge, maybe a side quest or two? Well, what they find out about Ivalice and themselves is more than what they bargained for. What starts as a seemingly straight-forward path soon turns into something that the heroes find will shape the very future of Ivalice itself.
Balthier is the self-titled "leading man" of the group. A suave, sophisticated, and slightly self-centered sky pirate, Balthier stops at (nearly) nothing to obtain treasure. While he may seem aloof and almost casual to a fault when it comes to such trivial things as a bounty on his head and flying into a burning magic storm in the sky, Balthier is among the best in the business. Whether he's sneaking into a heavily guarded palace or making plans to help overthrow empires, Balthier knows how to keep his cool, his charm and his wits about him. It helps that he has a beautiful partner, Fran, to keep him in line. He has a soft spot for people who remind him of what he used to be-- someone who wanted to be free to be themselves, without the limitation of their birth. After all, a leading man has to be likable, doesn't he?
Sample Post:
All right, everyone. Listen up. Or at least try to give me your attention, for those of you are are lacking the necessary body parts to listen. I'm only going to say this once, so don't make me repeat myself.
I am the one, the only, the magnificent... me. Otherwise known as Balthier, sky pirate extraordinaire. If you haven't heard of me, I can only tell you what you've been missing. Don't worry, soon enough I'll have become so acquainted with this camp that not even I will know what to do with myself. With your help, of course, in more ways than one. I know, I know. You can scarcely contain your excitement. But please, for both of our sakes, try to keep the rest of it inside where it belongs. The last thing either of us needs is for the remainder of your guts all over my shoes, where we both know they don't belong. It's hard enough keeping my laundry clean in a swamp; harder still when there's no shortage of Mist monsters crawling around. Hold yourself together, and I don't care if you take that literally. There's certainly enough sticks and rope in this swamp for you to do so.
It was tales of treasure troves and unmarked maps that had lured me to this faraway city. I had hoped to find what I was looking for, finish my business quick and easy, and be on my merry way. Unfortunately, it seems this entire camp is a "no parking airships" zone, and my airship has been towed, my partner inside. I can't pay this ticket just yet-- I'm afraid I don't have over 9000 gil on hand, so instead, I'm willing to offer my services.
You don't need me to tell you what this encampment could use most: a smart, strong man who knows his way around. A man who can get the job done, who can get "hands on" without losing those hands. A man with everything intact. A man like... myself. Well then, consider yourself lucky. I can name quite a few people who would jump at the opportunity to borrow my services, but for you, my dear friends, I would be glad to assist relatively free of charge. Keep in mind, I do have to pay the towing fee, after all.
So! Where do we start? A trip down the Caves of Despair? Do you have a cabin that needs the newest nest of gorillas cleared out? Perhaps you have an old, ruined treasure map that points to the darkest parts of the swamps and need a guide who knows how to handle his tools? I can hardly wait. You see, the handling of goods is among my many skills. It's my area of expertise, if you will. It hardly matters if the treasure is in a dark swamp or damp cave, or in other more... delicate locations. Of course, you needn't accompany me on my trip to collect it. All I need is your map and your good wishes, and perhaps just a few of your finest weapons of choice. The weapons with the pointy bits at one end, that is. Bones are only good for selling off as loot, not hitting another person with them. You would know that, wouldn't you? Or perhaps not, as you appear to be missing several of your own.
So here we are, my good friend. You've got a once in a life time opportunity to hire my services. Smart, strong and completely whole men seem to be a rarity these days. Looking around at the locals here, I can't possibly imagine why.
Poll Vote!
Name: Arachne
Series: Soul Eater
Age: Over 800
Job: Substitute Mother
Canon:People say high school can be soul-sucking, and that's especially true at Shibusen, a tech school run by the Grim Reaper where the students work together as wielder and living weapons to collect souls. The curriculum is tough for Death's understudies, since the students don't collect the souls of the dead, but rather the corrupted souls of evil humans. Being teacher’s pet makes you more unpopular than usual, working with the ultimate pass/fail of life or death, since to be top of your class you need 99 corrupted souls... and one soul of a witch.
800 years ago, the witch Arachne was on the verge of dying, having lost a battle with the Reaper. Instead, she split her body into innumerable spiders, and scattered them across the world. Thanks to SPOILERS, she's become strong enough to pull those spiders back into the body of a Grade-A MILF -- or close enough, as she commands an underground cult where the members "love her like a mother". As a targeted witch, she resents Shibusen, and her cult -- Arachnophobia -- preaches a strong dogma of "don't fear the Reaper", while working for his downfall. Arachne is a meddler, but despite her incredible power, she doesn't like to involve herself directly. She'd rather wait and watch, sending others to do physical tasks for her. She likes control, but is aware that it is not necessary to have it, just as long as the other party believes that she does. In confrontations she is calm and often mockingly polite, just this side of disdainful, and oozes badtouch -- aided by the way that, thanks to her spiders, she not only knows what you did last summer, but this morning in the shower as well.
Sample Entry:
Now, Elizabeth... I don't think it was very polite to bring me all the way out here before I'd consented, and in such poor conditions, do you? How disappointing. You might have at least sent a fancy car to transport me, but I can overlook it. You needn't tell me what you want from me, nor is there any need to explain the rules -- I've seen everything in this world, and I already know about your camp and your...charming campers, thanks to my spiders; they crawl this camp site, and often return the most interesting of search results. Yes, there's almost nothing I can't find out, with my world-wide web, but don't bother to act surprised -- I know you better than that, as well.
You won't convince me, Dear Director, that you haven't noticed my presence here already: my darling spiders, those smaller pieces of myself quietly threading among your residents...Ohohoh~ My, but it seems some of these children haven’t received a lot of love ...I would gladly offer them my embrace, should they desire it. It looks like they're often quite naughty children, doesn't it? So I know they must desire something of the sort, what with that pesky rule of yours -- you're worse than an overbearing mother, aren't you? Are you jealous? You've lost your dear love, and you can't stand to have attention focused on anyone but yourself, and so by restricting your children, you ensure whatever passions they feel, desire or hatred, will be directed towards you? How very sad, and so very oedipal.
But what an interesting approach to solving your mystery -- Will you pin the death of your husband on the one who desires you most? With a manipulative tactic like that, I could almost respect you as a fellow witch...but I've seen your limits. Your power stretches no further than the physical barrier -- how sad. Very well, I'll assist you in frustrating your campers for as long as it amuses me to do so, and you will let me leave when I desire. Don't expect to hear "mother may I" from me -- Has it not occurred to you that neither you nor your barrier are as powerful and absolute as you might desire? People are leaving you all the time...haven’t you noticed? Lately, they’ve been dropping like flies.
Poll Vote!
Character: Gabi (Daijirou Washio)
Series: .hack//G.U.
Character Age: Appears to be a fully adult Beastman, 68 in real life
Job: Advice Columnist
Canon: The World is the most popular MMORPG in, well, the world, and everyone wants to play! Even after rumors pop about a dangerous computer virus infecting it, and player-killers (PKers in game parlance) sending their victims into comas, because clearly that's absurd, right? Computer games can't actually affect the real world, and no major company would be dumb enough keep running the game if people were going to go into comas.. Except they do, and so one young boy is determined to get vengeance and find the answers after his not-girlfriend is PKed. Along the way, he meets a wide variety of characters.
In Gabi’s case, he’s a 68 year old ex-novelist and a retired professor of anthropology in real life. With that rl background, you'd expect him to be a wise old mentor archetype. But instead, he's a giant, muscular beastman and the leader of a 5,000 plus guild of ruthless PKers. Basically he treats The World as a place where he can relax from dealing with petty things like ethics committees and go “Man, this 13-year-old is hot when cornered! :D” And yes, he really does abuse smilies and exclamation points like that.
Note: The director's interview question is from here.
Sample Post:
“Every man in a village of 100 married couples has cheated on his wife. Every wife in the village instantly knows when a man other than her husband has cheated, but does not know when her own husband has. The village has a law that does not allow for adultery. Any wife who can prove that her husband is unfaithful must kill him that very day. The women of the village would never disobey this law. One day, the queen of the village visits and announces that at least one husband has been unfaithful. What happens?”
This is a pretty difficult question, Miss Director! I have a firm policy against reading things more than three lines long, and that’s at least four! :) But I guess it can't be helped! Hmmmm.
If that is the way of their world, then so be it! When promises are not kept for too long, then making it clear that they still exist can get pretty messy! But if that is the law, then it is the law! Those who question hard enough to find out, will! Those who don't, won't! And the husbands can react as they want, too! The queen must not be bored, after all.
I'm hired? Hahaha! What for? I was unaware that you were interviewing me for a job, Miss Director! :) I don't remember my resume having my activities in The World on it. A job where "dicking around with 5000 PKers in a way that got their absolute loyalty" would be a qualification sounds rather interesting! You must have a pretty unusual job in mind!
Advice columnist? Hmmmm. No thanks! My guild keeps me pretty occupied already. "Dicking around with 5,000 PKers" as you put it is a pretty full time job! :D There are tournaments to watch, promises to enforce, people to talk to, and so on! Can you promise me even less boredom?
But then, maybe you can! You're rather interesting yourself, after all! A desire to keep things lively is a very attractive trait, don't you think? But really, don't you think you could add some more inducements? I'm not interested in being bored, after all. A woman of your many talents could surely think of something. :)
Hahahaha! I suppose that's it then! I've never seen a mile-long slippery tunnel with laser beams, flying robot guardians, and a tentacle monster at the end before! It was an interesting new experience, but I , but if this is the way of things, then so be it! Come, campers one and all, tell me your problems! :)
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Naruse Ryou
Series: Maou
Character Age: 27
Job: Foreign legal consultant
Canon: Imagine if the Director's tale was turned into a jdrama. Except she already knew the murderer. And was out to systematically butcher every single person important to the poor guy, leaving nothing but tarot cards and Christian references on the crime scene. A remake of the Korean original, "Maou" is one of the few thriller stories where it's not the identity of the mastermind that matters, but the way he spins his web.
Naruse Ryou is that cold-blooded murderer in "Maou", out for revenge on the man who killed his poor little brother. Brilliant, meticulous and ruthless, Naruse has never once sullied his hands with his victims' blood - he manipulates a third person to do the killing for him. One thing he does do in person is tail his victims, take photographs and display the pictures under red lighting in a dark room at home. Creepy stalker is creepy. But while the real Naruse is filled with rage, emo and HATE, Naruse's public face is the "angelic lawyer", a handsome, courteous defense attorney who, guided by the principle to present 'nothing but the truth', has saved the lives of countless innocents. Not only does he willingly give legal advice to any who asks, he's extremely modest about it too. He might not smile or react very much, and he likes to do all that cryptic talk behind an unreadable poker face, but it's still hard to suspect such a benevolent soul to be a crazy killer.
Note: To prevent major spoilers, Naruse is taken near the beginning of the series.
Sample entry:
Ah. Good evening, Miss... Sayre, was it? You wish to be on more familiar terms? Very well then, Miss Liz. Miss Liz, I have reviewed your request. It seems the residents of your facility are pressing a number of charges. Amongst many others, they list kidnapping, smuggling, radioactive poisoning, childhood rape, mind rape, tentacle rape, indecency, and violent assault in all manners and forms.
I would imagine a summer camp is not the easiest establishment to manage, especially when your children come from such a wide range of backgrounds. Still, that will not be enough to make a case for you. Take the indecency complaint, for instance. Subsection 223 (d) of The Communications Decency Act clearly states a prohibition of using "an interactive computer service to send to a specific person or persons under 18 years of age indecent material". Had the definition of "indecency" only included the use of offen-- Miss Liz, kindly stop gnawing on my head. Thank you. Had the definition only included the use of offensive images, it would have been a simple case of defending any and all 4chan links as works of art and high literature - a challenge, but not impossible.
However, given that the definition covers comments and all other communication - teeth away from my head, Miss Liz - we are in a bind. In your defense, again, it is hard to control adolescents from talking about sex in the course of 7 million comments, much less prevent such a high percentage of homosexuality. All the same, you will still be put to trial as the Director responsible for this establishment. Besides, I understand that the gorillas are your creation, and that already serves as physical evidence for over half of these lawsuits.
Be that as it may, there is a way out of this. First, let's see if you recognize this tale. A cold, calculating woman, ruined in many ways by her father, cared only for her own creations. This same woman had a dear childhood friend, who expressed his affections in the form of badly written poetry. At first, she hated him. But when her heart finally opened for him, in a dramatic turn of events, the man was brutally murdered. What does this have to do with your case? Well, rumor has it that the woman was so enraged over the death of her fiancŽ, she began a cruel string of experiments in an attempt to find the killer and exact vengeance. Experiments that involve a certain summer camp.
Judging from your silent drooling, you must be familiar with this story. The woman has every right to hate, don't you agree? After all, her loved one was mercilessly torn away from her. The pain of such loss can be... excruciating. Pain at a level which residents of this establishment are not likely to comprehend, fortunate that they are, as they possess these creatures they call Moogles who can revive them. But never fear; I strongly believe that the woman in the story will find the perpetrator. There is only one truth... which is why this tragic tale can be turned into a strong argument for your case.
In short, Miss Liz, because of your intriguing circumstances, I will accept you as my client. On the condition, of course, that you meet me in person next session, instead of sending in this zombie with a bad wig and a tape recorder.
Poll Vote!
Character name: The Doctor (The Tenth Doctor)
Series: Doctor Who
Age: Approximately 903, though his physical age appears to be mid-30’s.
Job: Historian of Alien Cultures (particularly extinct ones that he was responsible for destroying, though that bit’s not exactly common knowledge).
Canon: The Doctor is the last of the Time Lords (as far as he knows, at least, although that information has certainly been proved wrong before), a species that has the power to regenerate into a new body when they are near death. As he is currently on his tenth regeneration, he has been traveling through time and space for more years than anyone could possibly count, with more companions than anyone could possibly keep track of - well, to be fair, he’s the only one who seems to have a bit of a problem keeping track of them, or the last time he saw them, or the last planet where he dropped them off - that sort of thing.
As for the Tenth Doctor’s personality, he is extremely talkative and enthusiastic, often cracking jokes while in the midst of dire situations (yes, this is actually canon) or pointing out just how very clever he is. The fact that he is quite the formidable opponent, one who has fought against and defeated many enemies, is not at all obvious given his skinny and less than intimidating frame. As his most recent companion so tactfully put it, he looks rather akin to “a long streak of alien nothing.”
Sample Entry:
Why, that’s beautiful!
…Well. No, actually. Upon closer examination, it isn’t. Not anywhere near as lovely as the likes of werewolves and homicidal clockwork men. They were positively gorgeous, but for some unfathomable reason, not another soul in the room seemed to think so. Can’t imagine why, to be quite honest with you. And then, I mustn’t neglect to mention those magnificently sentient blobs of fat…. Wait. Er. What was I on about? I’m sure there was something…. Oh, yes. These creatures. It’s a bit more difficult to find the beauty in something that is thoroughly, unquestionably, dead. Well. To be fair, dead and decomposing. With…bits dropping off left and right. Blimey.
What, precisely, do they intend for me to do here? I wasn’t very keen on coming to this “camp” place, to be honest. When the invitation appeared on my psychic paper, you see-and it’s a bit rude for just anyone to be sending me personal notes on my psychic paper-I merely scribbled a most noncommittal note back. Said that I would consider it, and that was that. Next thing I know, I crash-land here, and it was very hard on the TARDIS, poor girl. And I had distinctly just set the controls to England, 1963, which this is most decidedly not.
So! I suppose I ought to find out exactly where this camp is-where this proverbial wrong turn in the Time Vortex has taken me. Vegetation looks rather Earth-like…. If this isn’t Earth itself, then it must be Earth-inspired. And the cabins- Er, sorry, but I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable with the idea of having a pack of the undead following me around. So if you could kindly shove off, that would be brilliant, yeah? Then again, I can’t blame the poor old zombies if even they fancy me. That seems to be the popular opinion among all the people I meet. Well. Most of the people I meet. Well. Do zombies count as people? At any rate, who could blame them? I am rather dashing. Not to mention a genius. Must be why the powers-that-be of this camp were so desperate to get me here. Now, where was I? Time Vortex…Earth-inspired.... Oh, yes. The cabins.
I’ve never been particularly fond of cabins. Too drafty, absolutely no sense of aesthetics, and the last time I stayed in one was during that trip to Barcelona that got rather derailed. Ended up on Poosh due to a smattering of abnormal frequencies in the Vortex, and the TARDIS got carted off by a glorious, rather scaly-looking lifeform the minute I stepped outside. Had to spend the entire night in this rubbish little wooden structure that I can only assume was their version of a rubbish cabin. I would’ve enjoyed getting better acquainted with the scaly being, really, but I spent the entire time trapped in the bloody cabin while an atmospherically-generated ion storm raged outside.
And now I’m presumably on Earth, at some camp-or-other, and it’s positively covered in cabins? That’s even worse than the hordes of the undead, to be quite frank. They could have at least painted them blue. A lovely, sensible, Police Box-like blue. The cabins, rather, not the undead. The undead are, actually, already rather on the blue side. I’ll be hopping back into my lovely blue Police Box now, thank you, and I’m afraid I won’t be returning. No hard feelings and all that. What’s this? A disembodied voice just seemed to say that I couldn’t leave. Told me that there is no escape, and that I am inevitably doomed to stay trapped on this dreadful cabin-planet forever- Was that a sentient bird? …The voice emanated from a talking bird?
….Why, you’re beautiful!
Poll Vote!
Character: Shinobu Morita
Series: Honey and Clover
Age: 27
Job: Loans Officer
Canon: Honey and Clover is a coming of age story about 5 art school students living in Tokyo. The series deals with their trials and tribulations such as suriving on a poor college student's bank account and getting their assignments done. Basically, normal stuff right? Too bad there's Morita who enjoys making life more complicated.
Morita is, simply put, a bane of people's existance. Completely irresponsible, he's been stuck at art school for 8 years doing his undergrad. He is intolerably cheerful, obnoxious and /random/. He's also a money maniac and looks up to Bill Gates as his idol. Unlike his classmates, he's not actually a poor college student at all (he's filthy rich!), but that doesn't stop him from being a complete free loader. Completely shameless, he is not above acting like a spoilt child, and will throw temper tantrums full of crying, yelling and threats of lawsuit. Believe it or not, Morita is actually capable of being serious and perceptive, but those moments are rare. Not to mention he's also a multi-talented genius. I guess there's a little truth in the belief that geniuses are a little eccentric.
Sample App:
Hello friends~! I am Shinobu Morita, artist extraordinaire slash Academy Award winning Computer Graphics coordinator slash Enka singer and performer, but I am none of those here! Today I'm Shinobu Morita of Wow, that Morita, He's So Great Inc., money loans service! You like the name? I thought of it myself ten minutes ago.
When I heard that most of you guys don't have money, I cried! It was so sad! So, I thought that I, being the good person that I am, would offer my services just for you~ Yaaaaay, aren't you lucky! That and the big purple guys really wanted me here. Don't think I forgotten, jerks! You were rough! And Where's the candy you promised?!
To give you a better idea, I composed a jingle!
♪ With Shinobu-kun's money
Your dreams will come true
Just remember to return it
Or I will come get you~
At80%interestratecompoundeddaily~. ♫
That last bit? It's just music, music. Why? Don't you trust me? How can you say this face is dishonest... Y-YOU SAID IT! How could you? That really hurt my feelings, you know. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw. Fine! If that's your attitude, I have the right mind not to do you any favors at all! Humph.
I really can't stay mad at you at all, silly. I'll be completely upfront. Agree to my terms and I'll get this suitcase full of money. Hahahahahahahahaha that monopoly money must have accidently slipped in. Look, isn't it beautiful?. Aaaaaaah, I just wanna roll around in it. You agree, don't you? Let's shake on it.
And just because your arm came off in the middle of it, doesn't mean you can get out of our deal. Hahaha. I mean it, I'LL SUE THE PANTS OFF OF YOU. Let's be friends. ♥
Poll Vote!
Name: Captain Amelia
Age: mid to late 20s
Series: Treasure Planet
Job: Catfight Instructor
Canon: Treasure Planet is an example why pirates and treasure hunters are twice as cool when when you put them in space. It follows the protagonist Jim Hawkins, a kid whose attitude and passion for flying in restricted areas was leading into delinquency and the potential incarceration at juvenile hall. However, this all changes when he receives a map from a dying alien pirate -- a map to the legendary Treasure Planet, where the infamous Captain Nathaniel Flint hid the loot of a thousand worlds. Deciding to follow his childhood dream to find the planet, Jim and Dr. Doppler, a friend of the family, hire a captain and assemble a crew to take on the perilous voyage. Along the way they face various challenges; a supernova, a mutiny, and the race to get to the treasure before the pirates who betrayed them do -- but it all ends well, as only a Disney movie can.
Amelia is the feline captain of the R.L.S. Legacy, and she runs a tight ship. Professionalism and perfection are the high standards that she holds herself, her crew, and her ship to, and if you fall short, she'll be the first to tell you. Catty in both senses of the word, she is witty, sarcastic, and refuses to tolerate any stupidity. But she isn't all attitude;she has the skills to keep everything in line. She is quick and agile, able to climb rigging with a cat-like grace, a capable fighter, as well as an expert on sailing ships through even the harshest conditions. Despite her seemingly cold exterior, however, she isn't completely heartless; she does care for those subordinates that have earned her respect, and while they aren't exempt from her criticisms, she does her best to keep them safe.
Sample App:
Well now, how can I put this eloquently? Ms. Sayre, while I was initially relieved when I was informed that I would be able to replace my crew with the "finest crew this side of the Mississippi," I can't say that this is what I had in mind. You see, when I am assured that the crew is able-bodied, I expect them to have at least a sound majority of their limbs intact. And when I am told that they're a strong, healthy crew, I expect them to live up to those words. The gentlemen before me make men infected with scurvy look at the peak of physical shape. While I'm sure they have their uses, I am afraid that I have to ask you to reassemble a crew that is up to par, or I will have to terminate our agreement. After all, I do have the right to be critical; if I am temporarily working as a fighting instructor, I do expect that the payment be equal to services rendered.
I believe I can assume that this gaggle of purple fellows are to be my students then? You'll have to excuse my confusion, as their current behavior seems more suited for a space circus than the battlefield. I suppose points can be given for creativity with regards to their attire, despite the impracticality for combat. The element of surprise can be an asset at times. And a pink sequined dance suit can surely be considered surprising. Alright, all of you! Eyes on me, line up, and zip your howling screamers. I am going to give you your instructions once, and you will execute the directions perfectly, do you understand? ...Perfectly. Not 'purrfectly'. I suppose I should note that enunciation, as well actual wit can also be a useful tool in a fight, though as I am not the Catty Insults Instructor, you will have to seek aid for that on your own. Now back to the subject at hand.
Pay attention as I demonstrate this defensive maneuver. From the way your purple comrade fell, you can tell that I was able to anticipate the way he would move towards me, and turn it against him-- so no, you cannot call it 'the copy-cat,' as that would be inaccurate. ...Nor can you call it a 'little turn on the catwalk.' If you would give your attention to this next move, it will probably save your pathetic skins when someone less patient than I decides that you've made one too many terrible puns. As you can see, I have just scaled up this rather tall tree. Not only does this give me a high vantage point to perhaps take shots at those whom I am fighting, but this-- Fine. Alright, yes, if you are absolutely insistent on it, you can call it 'the ceiling cat', but it's a simple climbing technique really-can also provide for retreat. Now it's your turn.
That... well that was a rather soul-sucking embarrassment, wasn't it? I suppose you should be grateful this is only practice, as the results would have been catastrophic in actual combat. All of you dimwits ran straight into the wall, with the exception of one. Oh, don't believe I'm praising you just yet. You technique was sloppy, and your timing was-- what in the name of the Procyon Armada are you writing? Oh, are you taking notes? Impressive. That's a mark of initiative, a fine quality. Why don't you present them? Perhaps it can be of some benefit to the others.
...We are not amused.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Long John Silver
Series: Disney's Treasure Planet
Age: Appears to be in his forties.
Job: Resident Mutineer, Scallywag, and All-Around Backstabber
Canon: In addition to being pitifully underrated and Disney's biggest monetary loss to date (ouch), Treasure Planet is a scifi retelling of Robert Louis Stevenson's famous Treasure Island. And by scifi I mean it has the whole shebang -- laser cannons, space, aliens, and, most importantly, furries. The movie follows the adventure of Jim Hawkins, who, after being given a strange orb (actually a map) by a strange, dying man (actually a pirate), ends up on the (space)ship headed to the legendary Treasure Planet, where the infamous Captain Flint supposedly hid "the loot of a thousand worlds." Unbeknownst to Jim, the crew of the ship, excluding the captain, himself, and the doctor, is made up entirely of pirates -- all of whom intend to stage a mutiny and take the treasure for themselves.
John Silver is the resident bear-humanoid-alien-cyborg-cook of the R.L.S. Legacy, and seems every bit the charismatic, jovial spacer -- the canon equivalent of a sailor -- he claims to be. In his own words, he's, "nothing if [he] ain't a kidder." While he's not afraid to be harsh with Jim or any of the other crew mates, Silver flirts shamelessly with the captain, Amelia, kisses up to the first mate, loves to joke around, and has a soft spot a mile wide for his pet -- a floating, pink blob named Morph. However, Silver himself is also a pirate, the leader of the mutiny, and much more manipulative and temperamental than he lets on. While Silver honestly cares about Jim, and even fills the role of surrogate father during their time on the ship, he's spent his entire life -- and lost an arm, eye, and leg -- searching for Flint's treasure, and will do almost anything to get his hands on it.
Sample Entry:
Now, a title like that cuts me to the quick! For anyone other'n yourself, Director, m'lass, those would be words strong enough to set a date, time, and grave! These old bones are long past their time for gettin' into all that nonsense, I can promise you that. I be but a humble cook with naught but this arm and a pipe to my name. Never seen or done nothin' I wouldn't've been willin' to have me own mother herself there to witness. Ahh, well, we spacers have a sensitive way about us, believe it or not, can't take it too personal. I can tell you've got a fine sense of humor 'bout you. And smart as paint! That's somethin' you don't see everyday. Not many c'n keep their wits about them, runnin' a place like this! Now, pardon me for sayin' so, but ol' Silver speaks from his heart, he does. All work and no profit, stuck in such a place, reminders o' heartbreak all around -- that's no situation for a sharp lass such as yourself. Sharp as a clipper, y'are, and I'd be daft to question the word of a captain, but t'ain't right! So if there's anythin' you need seein' to, anythin' t'all, you just let me take care of it.
An' speak o' the devil! Those ghouls are raisin' a great right ruckus. I don't envy your job, I don't, not with souls the likes of these free to roam as they please, an' you tryin' to find a spare moment to reel 'em in. Ahh, now, lass, you keep your seat. I'll take see this through. These gears might be gettin' a bit rusty, but that door's no closer than the top deck of a ship, an' this bein' without winds an' waves. I'll more'n manage, don't you worry 'bout me. You jus' see if you can't find this hunk o' hardware a milder sort of occupation. Ha, just a momentary aberration, back in a jiff, now... Ahem!
And what do the lot of you think you're doing? Moanin' and groanin', carryin' on as if the devil hisself were standin' before ye! I don't want none of your excuses! After all the trouble I went through gettin' here, you think I'm going to put our deal before meself? I'll work for my interests and my interests alone if you so much as think about bellyachin'! I got the lass on my good side, y'hear, and I won't have you bunch of lollygagging, rot-mouth landlubbers makin' a mess o' things. Once we get to talkin' frank and honest, I'll see if I can't do somethin' 'bout your situation. Until then, you do what you've always done, an' you mind your step. I'll let you know when you're needed. Do we have an understandin'?
-- Ahh, Director, m'lass, where were we? You'll have t' excuse this old cyborg, never had much patience for them with a mind to disrespect their employer, as it were. But I'll try to keep meself from strayin' into things I shouldn't, for your sake an' mine. As for that "Mutineer and Scallywag" nonsense, that I'll have nothin' to do with it, now or ne'er. You can lay to that! But I'm far from useless, I am. O'er twenty years spent in one galley or another makes a quick study, it does. Take me on as a cook, lass, you won't be disappointed! My bonzabeast stew will knock the socks clean off any man's feet! ...Haaa, I knew you'd come 'round. Bonnie lass, y'are, wit shinin' in your eyes like a solar flare! Now, 'course, there is one last matter t' be discussin'. That is, the ingredients 'round these parts t'ain't quite what I'm used to. Back where I comes from, there ain't no such thing as parts best left unserved, if you understand my meanin'. Hide, head, an' whole, that's my motto, and a true lesson for the ages, f'you ask me! There's that bit about men what should be dead not quite stayin' as such, so it comes to my mind that those gentlemen what came by before -- that bein' a near insult to the class o gentlemen, mind you -- well, per'aps you'd be so kind as t' let me borrow a few parts here an' there? Won't hardly trouble 'em, you know as well as I.
After all, what's an arm or leg lost here an' there in the grand scheme o' things, eh?
Poll Vote!