(no subject)
SECOND TO LAST ROUND. Wao.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. C-Closed!
Character: Sophia Petrillo
Series: The Golden Girls
Character Age: 87 (at the end of series)
Job: Italian Culinary Arts Specialist
Canon: The Golden Girls, an award-winning American television series (1985-1992), follows the lives of four older women living together and eating cheesecake in their Miami home. Their differing personalities often clash with one another, and many squabbles ensue. However, they learn to come together in times of scandalous affairs (oh, not with each other), run-ins with the law, medical maladies, business ventures, disastrous vacations, and the occasional curse. These women soon grow to become best friends, and consider one another family.
Sophia Petrillo is a delightful, somewhat cranky, very petite old lady who loves to cook, eat, look for a way to make fast money, and frolic with an adorable old man or great male celebrity. Prior to the show's timesetting, she suffers a stroke; as a result, Sophia is now prone to saying things in a rather blunt, sometimes insulting manner. Despite that, she means well (most of the time), and dotes on others as if they were her own family. As the eldest of the four roommates, she acts as a motherly figure to those in need.
Sophia often tells tales of her earlier life in Sicily; while these are meant to be parables that offer advice a given situation, these stories - usually containing some allusions to Sophia's family ties to the mafia - have the tendency to have a few little white lies here and there, and usually deviate from whatever the situation is.
Sample Post:
Oh, boy - are you in for a treat or what? So listen up, kids, and listen good. There are three things everyone should know in order to survive: first, how to make respectable cannoli. Second, how to make cannoli so good, people would sell their children to the gypsies for a fix. And third, how to make the kind of cannoli so dangerous, it should never be traced back to you, especially if you want to keep your thumbs.
Today, we'll be making the respectable kind of cannoli. I got a memo telling me that some of you are a little too special to be handling bits of broken glass. I also I took the liberty of making the dough earlier, so we can work on the filling. Now, did everyone remember to bring their batches of ricotta cheese they were supposed to make over the weekend? Good, good.
... Wait a minute, let me smell that. Dear god, where the hell you get the milk for this one - a goat that ate nothing but fish? I'll have you know that good cannoli is one of the great joys in life. One bite, and you'll be in heaven. Let me tell you a story.
Picture it: Sicily, 1912. A little girl was sitting in the market, waiting for her mother to finish the morning shopping. The little girl found a sac of squid ink in a bucket of squid parts and started fingerpainting on a piece of paper that was by the garbage. She painted the portrait of a man with a great big smile.
Then a teenage boy walked by. He was a pitiful sight. His clothes were tattered, and he was crying. Hell if I know why he was so upset, but rumor 'round the village was that he tried to mate his favorite rooster with a hen from the Stromboli family. All the Stromboli roosters didn't want their hens having another rooster's chicks, so they ambushed poor rooster and pecked him to death. You could say that was a successful cock block.
But I digress. The little girl didn't like to see this boy crying, so she handed him the only thing she had to offer - her drawing. The boy was so touched by this gesture, he instantly cheered up and found the will to live. To him, that picture was a symbol of happiness. Later on, that picture served billions and billions of people around the world as they shared in that joy.
I'll let you in on a secret. That young girl was me. And that picture turned out to be one of the greatest icons of pop culture: Ronald McDonald. Of course, the cement shoes were replaced by the hideous red footwear. But my point is that even the little things can provide comfort and good cheer. That, and you should always put your signature on every piece of art you dole out. To this day, that boy did not give me any royalties every time the likeness of that damn clown was used.
... What do you mean, why am I not teaching you art instead? Oh, please. I may be an old lady, but I'll be damned if I have to glue beads and cotton balls to glittery pine cones all day. I'm lucky arthritis hasn't prevented me from wiping my ass when I sit on the john after I eat a bowl of stewed prunes. Besides, being here is a whole lot better than rotting in a retirement home, where we can't even watch "The Price is Right" because it's too stimulating for some bladders. I'll get my kicks where I can. Now, who here knows how to handle vats of hot oil?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Nougami Neuro.
Series: Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro.
Age: Being a demon, least several centuries.
Job: Beholden Assistant to the Greatly Esteemed Detective ______ (position to be filled shortly and against someone's will).
Canon: Take several helpings of the supernatural, a generous fisting of gratuitous bloodshed, and an Acme anvil's worth of slapstick comedy, then mix it all together in the Bowl of the Detective Genre to get the Jump manga Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro. There are Mysteries! Demons! Domestic violence! Mystery-eating Demons who enjoy Domestic Violence! Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro clearly has it all.
Nougami Neuro is a very clever, very cunning, very bastardly demon who has come to the human world to devour its mysteries. These mysteries are formed when a person commits an evil act and are consumed when Neuro uses Slave Number One -- ah, his human assistant Yako to reveal the true culprit of the crime. Despite his insults against and near constant violence toward them, Neuro does harbor a kind of affection for mankind. There are two things Neuro has shown actual disgust for: contrived riddles made for his benefit and the mass killing of humans. Neuro refers to his outrage as protecting his food source, but has also admitted that he finds humanity's ability to constantly evolve beyond their perceived limits as impressive.
... but to Neuro, this does not in any way elevate humans from being permanently several miles beneath him in every scale, shape, and way possible.
Sample Entry:
To Whom It May Concern,
otherwise known as those who should be very appreciative of how I did not address them as "the bipedal cockroaches who infect these camp grounds," or "infinitely lesser beings than even the most mutated of vermin," or "moldy dishrags who waste their puzzle-producing potential by remaining indefinitely in a fetid swamp."
It is most definitely high time to put some purpose into your dreary lives, and what better way to achieve the highest meaning possible for humans than to become one of my many, many slaves~? So congratulate your pitiable ability to be held against your will, for this camp possibly holds the Ultimate Mystery! That sense of achievement you humans feel upon hearing this is nearly justified. Since moving aboveground, many of the riddles I have been served could not be qualified as anything more than what this world has termed a "snack." Despite the incredible potential of humanity -- or even maybe because of it -- I am still left unsated at the scale of the mysteries I have so far found. Being human, none of you can truly comprehend a hunger for the labyrinths formed to hide a being's evil intent, but! But the good news is that even your weak minds can now be made to understand that satiating my hunger has just become your first and only priority. ♥
I sense that the mystery behind the construction of this camp is... substantial. I can sense the several flavorful twists to its plot, the sweetly hidden traps lurking around every bend, and the walls to the maze are thick with a heavy ripeness that can only come with great age. With nearly two decades of time to come to fruition, this puzzle has the potential satisfy me. Murder, kidnapping, along with these things that I have come to recognize as emotions constantly running on high -- it's an incredible maze weaved by so many different beasts. The humans behind this chaos and sheer mayhem are must be very interesting beings to have been able to evolve beyond their previous limits and produce something that smells so very, very delicious...
... ah, but I'm talking about things that your mere minds are left picking their slug-like noses at in tiny-brained frustration! How rude of me. I will skip to the bottom line, humans, and kindly inform you that
you now exist solely to appease my hunger and shall happily go through any number of painful and embarrassing tortures to do so.
I look very forward to having you as the cracks in the sidewalk beneath my shoes.
With great sincerity,
Nougami Neuro
P.S. I just realized something horrible! The paper this letter is written on was manufactured in the demon world and their products always contain at least thirty-two kinds of deadly toxins found there. A bottle of gentle sterilization fluid has been included in the envelope. Remember to apply it liberally! Oh my, I can't apologize enough.
Poll Vote!
Character: Vegeta
Series: Dragon Ball Z
Age: Approximated to be a few years older than Goku.
Job: Child Abuse Counselor
Canon: Ah, Dragon Ball Z: the only thing in existence with longer, more detailed anything than Lord of the Rings. That said, DBZ follows the adventures of a now-adult Goku as he continues to fight evil! He meets many a foe along the way, and if he doesn't end up killing them, they inevitably end up joining him in later fights. Vegeta is one of these foes--a Saiyan who can transform into a very powerful, giant ape when the moon is full. When Goku and friends find out that Vegeta will be arriving on planet Earth to ransack it and make it available for sale, they go through a ~*~special training montage~*~ to prepare for his arrival! It sadly doesn't do too much good, because Vegeta, along with the help of his sidekick Nappa, pretty much wipes the floor with everyone. But, through the magic of shounen storytelling, Goku snatches victory from the jaws of defeat, and allows Vegeta to fly home with his tail between his legs... though not literally, because it was cut off in the fight. Oops! True to the power of amazing shounen stories, Vegeta returns later under the assumption of antagonizing and threatening Goku and friends further, but as he spends more time around them, he becomes ever so slightly less inclined to cause grievous bodily harm to the gang. (With the exception of Goku/Kakarot, that is.)
Alas, this does not mean Vegeta is a nice person. He is, in fact, a cocky, raging asshole; as he is the Prince of all Saiyans, he expects everyone to submit to his will and assumes he will always come out to be the strongest Saiyan warrior because of his royal blood. Vegeta even killed Nappa when he was unable to defeat Goku because he didn't deem such a pathetic fighter to be worthy of his presence. These fantastic social skills morph very slightly later on in the story as he demonstrates his incredible parenting skills: Vegeta bribes his son with an hour-long trip to the park if he can land one punch on his father's face. On a related note, he is not above knocking small children unconscious. A classy Prince, indeed! Some day, Vegeta may be able to have a shred of normal, humanesque ethics... some day. For now, let's wait and see what he does in the newest special where he gains a baby brother.
As a note, Vegeta is being taken from the point where he's training for the World Martial Arts Tournament.
Sample Post:
This is absolutely preposterous. Why would I need to be sent here for child abuse counseling? I hardly believe that training my son to fight and become the strongest fighter--after me--counts as child abuse. The boy has Saiyan genes in him--what doesn't kill him makes him stronger, as you weaklings say so often! It doesn't matter if he snaps a bone or tears his flesh. Whenever a Saiyan is injured, he heals the wound above and beyond its original condition! I know it's a hard concept for your puny minds to grasp, but I assure you, such injuries are practically gifts I'm giving him that allow him to increase his power!
--Why, you insignificant speck! For your information, I believe I am raising this boy to be the best he can be. Believe what you will, but I see no reason for me to be here any longer if you're simply going to mock me and my family. You've wasted enough of my time already! Do you realize how much training I could've completed instead of sitting here listening to you blather on and on about how I'm treating my son? Kakarot is surely progressing in his training by leaps and bounds, and I cannot afford to fall behind! I should blast you to smithereens right here for giving him that advantage! But on second thought, I doubt you're worth the effort it would take for me to point my finger and shoot. Oh, don't feel too bad--only a select few in the entire universe are worthy of an actual attempt from me! I'll be generous today and spare your pitiful life--for now. Now get out of my sight before I change my mind!
What? You think this is funny?! How dare you laugh at me, the Prince of all Saiyans! You should be begging at my feet for mercy and praying that I don't blast this miserable dump of a makeshift town to dust! --Blasted monkey, keep your paws to yourself! Where did you even come from?! You should know to respect your great Saiyan prince! But wait, you look familiar--like a... de-evolved Saiyan?! How... how can this be?! What kind of twisted technology is being used here that can keep a Saiyan in Great Ape form and yet keep his size and his power to a minimum?
...No, I am not in need of a product to increase my size and/or stamina.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nobori Taiga
Series: Kamen Rider Kiva
Character age: 22
Character job: Human Resources Management
Canon: [mild SPOILERS] Sparkly vampires eat your hearts out. Ours, called Fangire, are made of stained glass, and also want to eat your souls (you can keep your hearts). So to defend humanity from this brightly colored threat one shy and gentle soul takes on the mantle of Kamen Rider Kiva to kick some rainbow ass. Unfortunately for him his oldest and dearest friend just so happens to be their leader. Yeah, this is definitely going to end so well.
Taiga is the titular King of Fangire and it's his duty to make sure humans don't evolve beyond being harmless food for his people. He's also the head of a company at 22 which he uses as a cover to find and destroy benefits to humanity. People he wants to "invest" in, beware. You just got added to the menu. He's confident and always in control with a suave smile and just the right words for his listeners. Clever and maintaining a friendly veneer, he's very used to having his orders be obeyed and his suggestions followed without question. And when they aren't the ruthless man beneath comes to the surface. He's willing to go to very great lengths for his people and the few people he genuinely cares for, dissenters be damned. And if the dissenter so happens to be the person he's doing things for? Well, Taiga always knows best.
Sample app:
Good evening, campers. I am Nobori Taiga, the new head of the Human Resources Department at Camp Fuck You Die-someone certainly has an interesting sense of humor here. I am also currently the only member of the department, which might explain the dire need for one. It's not the conditions I would prefer but as they say, needs must when the devil drives. A fitting description considering the environment and our esteemed Director, don't you think? I've never seen the "hands on approach" interpreted in quite this way. The gorillas are certainly enthusiastic about it.
That should be enough of an introduction; down to business. I will be overseeing the identification and allocation of manpower in this Camp-as well as zombie and gorilla power. In such a diverse environment it's important we all work hand in hand together. But please, keep it to hand in hand. We don't want sexual harassment lawsuits, do we? Now, to facilit-You in the back. You do not interrupt. If we can't keep interspecies tension down to a reasonable level I'll have to make diversity training mandatory for everyone. I'm sure you don't want that; I've heard it's brutal.
As I was saying, to facilitate the identification of skills and talents among the... inmates here I've had my new assistants construct a brief survey, while I was busy scouting out the facilities. Some of the questions didn't come out as I outlined them-it's so hard to find help that can keep themselves together these days-but we will have to make do. You can ignore the questions about emo level and sexual orientation; they aren't important. Hm... Actually, on second thought why not answer them in the interest of being thorough? But don't worry; it's completely confidential. Your secrets are safe with me.
Finally, if anyone who answers yes to the "mid-boss" question could please report to me after this session; I have a special set of duties for you. Under our guidance this camp will prosper and evolve into something much better. I'm looking forward to reading everyone's surveys and planning out our glorious future. I'm sure there are many people here worth investing my time in.
Poll Vote!
Character: Wario
Series: Super Mario series - Wario series - Smash Bros.
Age: Unknown
Job: Business 101
Canon: Meet Wario. He’s loud, he’s rude, he’s obnoxious. Once he’s in your face you’ll probably need a crowbar to get him out. A crowbar covered in bees. Wario came from humble beginnings as Mario’s rival and evil counterpart, living in his humble castle and constantly reaching for his humble dream of being so fucking rich that he has money practically coming out his ears. (Any semblance of a serious rivalry was very short lived)
But gradually his interests shifted more on the side of wide-scale capitalism, he rounded up his own group of wacky friends and started his own videogame company called Wario Ware Incorperated. As the years went by he would slowly grow to become the treasure hunting, go-karting, Smash Brosing mini-game mogul we all know and love today! So without further ado…
WELCOME TO WARIO. POPULATION: YOUR WORLD BEING ROCKED FOREVER.
Sample Post:
Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Wario supporters and other. Welcome to Camp Wario, the happiest place on earth! Here you too can learn to be just like, but not quite as great as, the greatest idol ever to come crashing in to your lowly lives, the one and only… Wait, Camp What What Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
I dunno what kind of backwards slum bucket time travel you’ve been livin’ in, but here at the contemporary Camp Wario we don’t roll with language like that. In Camp Wario we talk about three things: Wario, becoming filthy stinking rich, and more Wario. And none of those words sound like Wario to me!
Now you might say “Wario! I love you! You’re the greatest ever! Let me give you money!” And you should say that, you should say that several times! But after you say that, you might also say “Gee Wario, I love you! You’re the greatest ever! If I gave you all my money could you teach me to be even a fraction as great as a superstar like you?”
I’m here to tell you today that the answer is YES! If you (yes you!) sign up now for this exclusive course, Wario will teach you (yes really, you!) all the best tricks of the trade. This is not a scam! Before you know it, Wa-You’ll have more cash than you know what to do with. You’ll be so rich Wario could buy the moon if he wanted! Now just sign here and… Hey, what’re you doing? Get back here! I haven’t even told you about the We Love Wario fund yet! For only a grand a day, you too can tell the world just how much you…
Bah! Zombies, who needs ‘em? You’d think I was tryin’ to take an arm and a leg here.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. C-Closed!
Character: Sophia Petrillo
Series: The Golden Girls
Character Age: 87 (at the end of series)
Job: Italian Culinary Arts Specialist
Canon: The Golden Girls, an award-winning American television series (1985-1992), follows the lives of four older women living together and eating cheesecake in their Miami home. Their differing personalities often clash with one another, and many squabbles ensue. However, they learn to come together in times of scandalous affairs (oh, not with each other), run-ins with the law, medical maladies, business ventures, disastrous vacations, and the occasional curse. These women soon grow to become best friends, and consider one another family.
Sophia Petrillo is a delightful, somewhat cranky, very petite old lady who loves to cook, eat, look for a way to make fast money, and frolic with an adorable old man or great male celebrity. Prior to the show's timesetting, she suffers a stroke; as a result, Sophia is now prone to saying things in a rather blunt, sometimes insulting manner. Despite that, she means well (most of the time), and dotes on others as if they were her own family. As the eldest of the four roommates, she acts as a motherly figure to those in need.
Sophia often tells tales of her earlier life in Sicily; while these are meant to be parables that offer advice a given situation, these stories - usually containing some allusions to Sophia's family ties to the mafia - have the tendency to have a few little white lies here and there, and usually deviate from whatever the situation is.
Sample Post:
Oh, boy - are you in for a treat or what? So listen up, kids, and listen good. There are three things everyone should know in order to survive: first, how to make respectable cannoli. Second, how to make cannoli so good, people would sell their children to the gypsies for a fix. And third, how to make the kind of cannoli so dangerous, it should never be traced back to you, especially if you want to keep your thumbs.
Today, we'll be making the respectable kind of cannoli. I got a memo telling me that some of you are a little too special to be handling bits of broken glass. I also I took the liberty of making the dough earlier, so we can work on the filling. Now, did everyone remember to bring their batches of ricotta cheese they were supposed to make over the weekend? Good, good.
... Wait a minute, let me smell that. Dear god, where the hell you get the milk for this one - a goat that ate nothing but fish? I'll have you know that good cannoli is one of the great joys in life. One bite, and you'll be in heaven. Let me tell you a story.
Picture it: Sicily, 1912. A little girl was sitting in the market, waiting for her mother to finish the morning shopping. The little girl found a sac of squid ink in a bucket of squid parts and started fingerpainting on a piece of paper that was by the garbage. She painted the portrait of a man with a great big smile.
Then a teenage boy walked by. He was a pitiful sight. His clothes were tattered, and he was crying. Hell if I know why he was so upset, but rumor 'round the village was that he tried to mate his favorite rooster with a hen from the Stromboli family. All the Stromboli roosters didn't want their hens having another rooster's chicks, so they ambushed poor rooster and pecked him to death. You could say that was a successful cock block.
But I digress. The little girl didn't like to see this boy crying, so she handed him the only thing she had to offer - her drawing. The boy was so touched by this gesture, he instantly cheered up and found the will to live. To him, that picture was a symbol of happiness. Later on, that picture served billions and billions of people around the world as they shared in that joy.
I'll let you in on a secret. That young girl was me. And that picture turned out to be one of the greatest icons of pop culture: Ronald McDonald. Of course, the cement shoes were replaced by the hideous red footwear. But my point is that even the little things can provide comfort and good cheer. That, and you should always put your signature on every piece of art you dole out. To this day, that boy did not give me any royalties every time the likeness of that damn clown was used.
... What do you mean, why am I not teaching you art instead? Oh, please. I may be an old lady, but I'll be damned if I have to glue beads and cotton balls to glittery pine cones all day. I'm lucky arthritis hasn't prevented me from wiping my ass when I sit on the john after I eat a bowl of stewed prunes. Besides, being here is a whole lot better than rotting in a retirement home, where we can't even watch "The Price is Right" because it's too stimulating for some bladders. I'll get my kicks where I can. Now, who here knows how to handle vats of hot oil?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Nougami Neuro.
Series: Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro.
Age: Being a demon, least several centuries.
Job: Beholden Assistant to the Greatly Esteemed Detective ______ (position to be filled shortly and against someone's will).
Canon: Take several helpings of the supernatural, a generous fisting of gratuitous bloodshed, and an Acme anvil's worth of slapstick comedy, then mix it all together in the Bowl of the Detective Genre to get the Jump manga Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro. There are Mysteries! Demons! Domestic violence! Mystery-eating Demons who enjoy Domestic Violence! Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro clearly has it all.
Nougami Neuro is a very clever, very cunning, very bastardly demon who has come to the human world to devour its mysteries. These mysteries are formed when a person commits an evil act and are consumed when Neuro uses Slave Number One -- ah, his human assistant Yako to reveal the true culprit of the crime. Despite his insults against and near constant violence toward them, Neuro does harbor a kind of affection for mankind. There are two things Neuro has shown actual disgust for: contrived riddles made for his benefit and the mass killing of humans. Neuro refers to his outrage as protecting his food source, but has also admitted that he finds humanity's ability to constantly evolve beyond their perceived limits as impressive.
... but to Neuro, this does not in any way elevate humans from being permanently several miles beneath him in every scale, shape, and way possible.
Sample Entry:
To Whom It May Concern,
otherwise known as those who should be very appreciative of how I did not address them as "the bipedal cockroaches who infect these camp grounds," or "infinitely lesser beings than even the most mutated of vermin," or "moldy dishrags who waste their puzzle-producing potential by remaining indefinitely in a fetid swamp."
It is most definitely high time to put some purpose into your dreary lives, and what better way to achieve the highest meaning possible for humans than to become one of my many, many slaves~? So congratulate your pitiable ability to be held against your will, for this camp possibly holds the Ultimate Mystery! That sense of achievement you humans feel upon hearing this is nearly justified. Since moving aboveground, many of the riddles I have been served could not be qualified as anything more than what this world has termed a "snack." Despite the incredible potential of humanity -- or even maybe because of it -- I am still left unsated at the scale of the mysteries I have so far found. Being human, none of you can truly comprehend a hunger for the labyrinths formed to hide a being's evil intent, but! But the good news is that even your weak minds can now be made to understand that satiating my hunger has just become your first and only priority. ♥
I sense that the mystery behind the construction of this camp is... substantial. I can sense the several flavorful twists to its plot, the sweetly hidden traps lurking around every bend, and the walls to the maze are thick with a heavy ripeness that can only come with great age. With nearly two decades of time to come to fruition, this puzzle has the potential satisfy me. Murder, kidnapping, along with these things that I have come to recognize as emotions constantly running on high -- it's an incredible maze weaved by so many different beasts. The humans behind this chaos and sheer mayhem are must be very interesting beings to have been able to evolve beyond their previous limits and produce something that smells so very, very delicious...
... ah, but I'm talking about things that your mere minds are left picking their slug-like noses at in tiny-brained frustration! How rude of me. I will skip to the bottom line, humans, and kindly inform you that
you now exist solely to appease my hunger and shall happily go through any number of painful and embarrassing tortures to do so.
I look very forward to having you as the cracks in the sidewalk beneath my shoes.
With great sincerity,
Nougami Neuro
P.S. I just realized something horrible! The paper this letter is written on was manufactured in the demon world and their products always contain at least thirty-two kinds of deadly toxins found there. A bottle of gentle sterilization fluid has been included in the envelope. Remember to apply it liberally! Oh my, I can't apologize enough.
Poll Vote!
Character: Vegeta
Series: Dragon Ball Z
Age: Approximated to be a few years older than Goku.
Job: Child Abuse Counselor
Canon: Ah, Dragon Ball Z: the only thing in existence with longer, more detailed anything than Lord of the Rings. That said, DBZ follows the adventures of a now-adult Goku as he continues to fight evil! He meets many a foe along the way, and if he doesn't end up killing them, they inevitably end up joining him in later fights. Vegeta is one of these foes--a Saiyan who can transform into a very powerful, giant ape when the moon is full. When Goku and friends find out that Vegeta will be arriving on planet Earth to ransack it and make it available for sale, they go through a ~*~special training montage~*~ to prepare for his arrival! It sadly doesn't do too much good, because Vegeta, along with the help of his sidekick Nappa, pretty much wipes the floor with everyone. But, through the magic of shounen storytelling, Goku snatches victory from the jaws of defeat, and allows Vegeta to fly home with his tail between his legs... though not literally, because it was cut off in the fight. Oops! True to the power of amazing shounen stories, Vegeta returns later under the assumption of antagonizing and threatening Goku and friends further, but as he spends more time around them, he becomes ever so slightly less inclined to cause grievous bodily harm to the gang. (With the exception of Goku/Kakarot, that is.)
Alas, this does not mean Vegeta is a nice person. He is, in fact, a cocky, raging asshole; as he is the Prince of all Saiyans, he expects everyone to submit to his will and assumes he will always come out to be the strongest Saiyan warrior because of his royal blood. Vegeta even killed Nappa when he was unable to defeat Goku because he didn't deem such a pathetic fighter to be worthy of his presence. These fantastic social skills morph very slightly later on in the story as he demonstrates his incredible parenting skills: Vegeta bribes his son with an hour-long trip to the park if he can land one punch on his father's face. On a related note, he is not above knocking small children unconscious. A classy Prince, indeed! Some day, Vegeta may be able to have a shred of normal, humanesque ethics... some day. For now, let's wait and see what he does in the newest special where he gains a baby brother.
As a note, Vegeta is being taken from the point where he's training for the World Martial Arts Tournament.
Sample Post:
This is absolutely preposterous. Why would I need to be sent here for child abuse counseling? I hardly believe that training my son to fight and become the strongest fighter--after me--counts as child abuse. The boy has Saiyan genes in him--what doesn't kill him makes him stronger, as you weaklings say so often! It doesn't matter if he snaps a bone or tears his flesh. Whenever a Saiyan is injured, he heals the wound above and beyond its original condition! I know it's a hard concept for your puny minds to grasp, but I assure you, such injuries are practically gifts I'm giving him that allow him to increase his power!
--Why, you insignificant speck! For your information, I believe I am raising this boy to be the best he can be. Believe what you will, but I see no reason for me to be here any longer if you're simply going to mock me and my family. You've wasted enough of my time already! Do you realize how much training I could've completed instead of sitting here listening to you blather on and on about how I'm treating my son? Kakarot is surely progressing in his training by leaps and bounds, and I cannot afford to fall behind! I should blast you to smithereens right here for giving him that advantage! But on second thought, I doubt you're worth the effort it would take for me to point my finger and shoot. Oh, don't feel too bad--only a select few in the entire universe are worthy of an actual attempt from me! I'll be generous today and spare your pitiful life--for now. Now get out of my sight before I change my mind!
What? You think this is funny?! How dare you laugh at me, the Prince of all Saiyans! You should be begging at my feet for mercy and praying that I don't blast this miserable dump of a makeshift town to dust! --Blasted monkey, keep your paws to yourself! Where did you even come from?! You should know to respect your great Saiyan prince! But wait, you look familiar--like a... de-evolved Saiyan?! How... how can this be?! What kind of twisted technology is being used here that can keep a Saiyan in Great Ape form and yet keep his size and his power to a minimum?
...No, I am not in need of a product to increase my size and/or stamina.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nobori Taiga
Series: Kamen Rider Kiva
Character age: 22
Character job: Human Resources Management
Canon: [mild SPOILERS] Sparkly vampires eat your hearts out. Ours, called Fangire, are made of stained glass, and also want to eat your souls (you can keep your hearts). So to defend humanity from this brightly colored threat one shy and gentle soul takes on the mantle of Kamen Rider Kiva to kick some rainbow ass. Unfortunately for him his oldest and dearest friend just so happens to be their leader. Yeah, this is definitely going to end so well.
Taiga is the titular King of Fangire and it's his duty to make sure humans don't evolve beyond being harmless food for his people. He's also the head of a company at 22 which he uses as a cover to find and destroy benefits to humanity. People he wants to "invest" in, beware. You just got added to the menu. He's confident and always in control with a suave smile and just the right words for his listeners. Clever and maintaining a friendly veneer, he's very used to having his orders be obeyed and his suggestions followed without question. And when they aren't the ruthless man beneath comes to the surface. He's willing to go to very great lengths for his people and the few people he genuinely cares for, dissenters be damned. And if the dissenter so happens to be the person he's doing things for? Well, Taiga always knows best.
Sample app:
Good evening, campers. I am Nobori Taiga, the new head of the Human Resources Department at Camp Fuck You Die-someone certainly has an interesting sense of humor here. I am also currently the only member of the department, which might explain the dire need for one. It's not the conditions I would prefer but as they say, needs must when the devil drives. A fitting description considering the environment and our esteemed Director, don't you think? I've never seen the "hands on approach" interpreted in quite this way. The gorillas are certainly enthusiastic about it.
That should be enough of an introduction; down to business. I will be overseeing the identification and allocation of manpower in this Camp-as well as zombie and gorilla power. In such a diverse environment it's important we all work hand in hand together. But please, keep it to hand in hand. We don't want sexual harassment lawsuits, do we? Now, to facilit-You in the back. You do not interrupt. If we can't keep interspecies tension down to a reasonable level I'll have to make diversity training mandatory for everyone. I'm sure you don't want that; I've heard it's brutal.
As I was saying, to facilitate the identification of skills and talents among the... inmates here I've had my new assistants construct a brief survey, while I was busy scouting out the facilities. Some of the questions didn't come out as I outlined them-it's so hard to find help that can keep themselves together these days-but we will have to make do. You can ignore the questions about emo level and sexual orientation; they aren't important. Hm... Actually, on second thought why not answer them in the interest of being thorough? But don't worry; it's completely confidential. Your secrets are safe with me.
Finally, if anyone who answers yes to the "mid-boss" question could please report to me after this session; I have a special set of duties for you. Under our guidance this camp will prosper and evolve into something much better. I'm looking forward to reading everyone's surveys and planning out our glorious future. I'm sure there are many people here worth investing my time in.
Poll Vote!
Character: Wario
Series: Super Mario series - Wario series - Smash Bros.
Age: Unknown
Job: Business 101
Canon: Meet Wario. He’s loud, he’s rude, he’s obnoxious. Once he’s in your face you’ll probably need a crowbar to get him out. A crowbar covered in bees. Wario came from humble beginnings as Mario’s rival and evil counterpart, living in his humble castle and constantly reaching for his humble dream of being so fucking rich that he has money practically coming out his ears. (Any semblance of a serious rivalry was very short lived)
But gradually his interests shifted more on the side of wide-scale capitalism, he rounded up his own group of wacky friends and started his own videogame company called Wario Ware Incorperated. As the years went by he would slowly grow to become the treasure hunting, go-karting, Smash Brosing mini-game mogul we all know and love today! So without further ado…
WELCOME TO WARIO. POPULATION: YOUR WORLD BEING ROCKED FOREVER.
Sample Post:
Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Wario supporters and other. Welcome to Camp Wario, the happiest place on earth! Here you too can learn to be just like, but not quite as great as, the greatest idol ever to come crashing in to your lowly lives, the one and only… Wait, Camp What What Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
I dunno what kind of backwards slum bucket time travel you’ve been livin’ in, but here at the contemporary Camp Wario we don’t roll with language like that. In Camp Wario we talk about three things: Wario, becoming filthy stinking rich, and more Wario. And none of those words sound like Wario to me!
Now you might say “Wario! I love you! You’re the greatest ever! Let me give you money!” And you should say that, you should say that several times! But after you say that, you might also say “Gee Wario, I love you! You’re the greatest ever! If I gave you all my money could you teach me to be even a fraction as great as a superstar like you?”
I’m here to tell you today that the answer is YES! If you (yes you!) sign up now for this exclusive course, Wario will teach you (yes really, you!) all the best tricks of the trade. This is not a scam! Before you know it, Wa-You’ll have more cash than you know what to do with. You’ll be so rich Wario could buy the moon if he wanted! Now just sign here and… Hey, what’re you doing? Get back here! I haven’t even told you about the We Love Wario fund yet! For only a grand a day, you too can tell the world just how much you…
Bah! Zombies, who needs ‘em? You’d think I was tryin’ to take an arm and a leg here.
Poll Vote!