(no subject)
IT IS A RAINBOW OF MODS ALL POSTIN' IN A ROW. Fifth round!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character Name: Trish
Series: Devil May Cry
Age: Unknown, appears early 30s
Job: Clone Counselor
Canon: They say that behind every great man is a great woman. Granted, you probably don't want that woman to be one who's thrown a motorcycle at you before, but Dante is a man who likes to live on the edge. When you consider that he's the hero of Devil May Cry, a game where riding bazooka missiles and being sleazy to half-naked demonic guitar women is kosher, fraternizing with the enemy is more like a walk in the park for him. Former minion-of-evil gone good-guy-sidekick, Trish is a demon created in the image of Dante's mother in order to seduce and inevitably destroy him. But when her dark soul was filled with Dante's light (thank you for that, canon) and she's shown the way of humanity, she joins up with the man and becomes Dante's on-again, off-again "partner."
But just because she's on the side of good doesn't mean she's a nice girl. Trish hasn't quite gotten the hang of the whole humanity thing and still feels more at ease hunting down demons than anything else. She's teasingly cruel to most anyone (usually the ones she's trying to kill) in the most unsubtle of ways, like a cat that wants to play with her mouse a little before she eats it. To the rest, she's just teasingly mean. Like most people in the DMC universe, Trish operates on a "violence solves everything" code and when in doubt, a well positioned gun is always a good trick to get the conversation started.
Sample Entry:
You know, I'd be more inclined to take your problems seriously if they were actually serious problems. Well, that and if you were real clones. Saying that you think you're clones of each other only works when you look exactly alike from head to toe. One head and two arms aren't enough of a similarity to make a case for yourselves; I've got both of those and there's a pretty clear difference between me and you both. Where your eyes are drifting to is about right, yes. I'll give you that you've both got the same eyes and the same mouth, but haven't you noticed that they're in completely different places? I can't even look one of you straight in the eyes without the help of a well-placed mirror.
But if it's that much of a problem to you both then... how about you leave it to me to fix things? People wouldn't have a problem telling the difference between you both if, say, one of you were missing an arm, right?
... Things would have gone a lot faster if you'd pointed out that you could do that in the first place. Well, keep the arm off, move the mouth a few inches to the left and you're as good as total strangers. But the next time you have another one of these little identity crises, try finding the right counselor for it. I'm here to counsel clones, as in the ones that look identical thanks to science or magic, not the ones who look really similar thanks to the power of decomposition and a handy needle and thread. Try to come back to me again for help and I'll make sure that you'll need more than just a needle and thread to pull yourself back together.
... But really, just how many clones are hiding around this summer camp that need counseling about being a clone? "This is how you look exactly like someone else" doesn't sound like it'd be much of a lecture to me. Or is it the other way around and I'm supposed to reassure them that they're "their own person" and that "what's on the inside is what matters?" Are there actually humans who need to hear that kind of thing to make up their mind about their existence? That's a pretty sad life to be leading. I just don't get people sometimes.
More of you? Really, the next kid to start wailing about things crawling in their skin will get lead crawling through their skin courtesy of Luce and Ombra. Even the ones with a valid complaint. Got it?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Sumeragi Subaru
Series: X
Age: 25
Job: Psychotherapist Specializing in Relationship Issues and Coping with Sudden Life Changes
Canon: The year is 1999, and the end of the world is fast approaching. The superhuman Dragons of Heaven and Dragons of Earth are gathering to participate in the final battle that will decide Earth's fate-- a fate which inexplicably revolves around the destruction or salvation of Tokyo. The seven Dragons of Heaven wish to save humanity (and Tokyo), thereby sentencing the Earth to death by pollution; the seven Dragons of Earth wish to purge the Earth of humanity and return the world to a more natural state a la Al Gore. Al Gore being a little more friendly towards the human race, of course.
Subaru is the thirteenth and most powerful head of the ancient Sumeragi clan of onmyoji (or spiritualists). The Sumeragi have been protecting Japan from evil spirits for hundreds of years. Because of his powers, Subaru is almost by default a Dragon of Heaven; rather selfishly, he cares nothing for the end of the world and is focused only on fulfilling his own wish. Subaru is always serious and professional, extremely polite, very quiet, and alarmingly lacking in the self preservation department. Subaru is a kind person and doesn't like to see others hurt, but he has been hiding this quality well behind a strong and laconic exterior. He is a broken man, uninterested in everyday life and unwilling to reach out to people unless they share some of his own pain. Or happen to be Sakurazuka Seishirou, the person that Subaru cares for the most, but who is also the killer of his beloved twin sister, a Dragon of Earth, and an enemy of the Sumeragi clan to boot. Thus the angst...
Sample Entry:
Madam Director-- if you can spare me a moment of your time, I am writing in regards to the job you asked me to perform. Unfortunately, I have been unable to execute it according to your wishes. I am truly sorry, but contacting your dead lover Stephen has proved impossible for reasons I will discuss below. In addition, you have some very powerful negative spiritual energy pervading your camp that I am concerned about and wish to address, if I may.
I know that it is very difficult to be separated from the person that is "special" to you, and so I am particularly sorry my attempt to contact your fiance has failed. However, when I performed my spells I could find no trace of his spirit among the dead. This does not mean that he is lost to you forever. It could be that his soul has moved on to the next world, for which you should be happy. One thing that was odd, however-- on my third incantation I heard something that sounded like a phone message. Unless the phrase "I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service," holds any special meaning for you?
During my time here I also came across a rather alarming number of undead. I assumed that you did not want so many zombies in your camp...especially since they seemed to be causing trouble for the other campers. I attempted to exorcise them, but again my spells did not seem to work. I then tried counseling one of them, as I have found that many ghosts and other undead only need to share some of their unhappiness with someone before they are able move on to the next life. This Zombie-san reported that its lover consistently treated it badly, and yet, it still wanted to be with him. I told Zombie-san that if it wished to be with him, it should follow that wish, even if no one else understands. I thought Zombie-san had found a happy ending...until we discovered his lover only wished to date living humans. In the end, I wasn't able to do anything.
There are many other issues that I could address. The lake seems to be rife with negative spiritual energy. The gorillas are much too friendly and don't behave like any animal I've encountered. And as I am writing you, there is a toucan watching me who keeps threatening to take out my remaining eye... As I am afraid your camp is beyond the help of even the Sumeragi, I ask that you release me. I am not quite sure why I can't break through the barrier to return to Japan...but I have other important matters to attend to there, as I'm sure you understand.
Well. Again, my deepest sympathies.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Sakurazuka Seishirou
Series: X
Age: 34
Job: Camp Veterinarian and Part-Time Arborist
Canon: It's the end of the world as they know it, but no one's feeling fine. Two competing forces, the Dragons of Heaven and the Dragons of Earth, battle over the fate of Tokyo and the Earth as a whole. The Dragons of Heaven fight to protect mankind, at the cost of the Earth, while the Dragons of Earth seek to wipe out humanity, so that the planet can be saved. Into this cheerful picture is dropped one Sakurazuka Seishirou, a Dragon of Earth and a secret assassin who kills his victims using magic. Said victims are usually fed to a particular sakura tree in Tokyo's Ueno Park, which Seishiou's clan has guarded and drawn power from for generations.
When he isn't killing people and feeding them to his tree, Seishirou can be very charming and personable. He excels at acting the part of a friendly veterinarian, even managing to get away with saying vaguely creepy things and having them come off as innocent comments. Beyond the mask, Seishirou is largely devoid of normal human emotions. He admits, at various points, that he feels nothing when he kills. Seishirou has an extremely negative outlook on humanity and believes that people are inherently selfish. He also tends to be very confident in his point of view, and frequently dismisses things that do not fit into his narrow view of reality. He is a morally bankrupt character, one who sees nothing wrong with killing his patients in order to prevent his own magical backlash from harming him. Even so, Seishirou's dark side is well hidden from the normal citizens of Tokyo, who only see the sophisticated, smart, and suave persona that Seishirou presents. A master manipulator to the last, Seishirou will make sure that people see only what he wishes them to.
Sample Entry:
My apologies for keeping you waiting all morning, Mr. Zombie, but the clinic has been unexpectedly busy. Oh, it's nothing to worry about, only a few troublesome patients. I'm afraid they're more demanding here than what I'm used to! It's much more convenient when the animals can't talk back, wouldn't you say? The gorillas finally returned for the results of their paternity test, which is why I was so late to our meeting. What a tragic tale that's turned out to be; both brothers claiming the child, leaving the poor mother and her baby in tears. Even modern science has failed them, since it's impossible to determine which identical twin is the father. After I broke the news, I kindly offered to play the part of King Solomon . . . ah, but you aren't concerned about that. Let's just say that the gorillas left my office satisfied, with only the child going to pieces.
With all of that excitement, I'm afraid that I haven't had much of an opportunity to give your organization's petition all the consideration it deserves. "Zombies for Medical Rights" is such an interesting name for your group, especially since I wasn't previously aware that corpses required rights at all. Perhaps a tailor or a seamstress would be of more use to you, if it's largely a matter of sewing parts back on? In all seriousness, a veterinary clinic is simply not the best place for you. While I can provide yearly check-ups and plenty of flea collars, I'm afraid that your demands for plastic surgery and Viagra prescriptions are beyond me. I didn't know that zombies could even metabolize Viagra! That special skill must make Mr. Zombie very popular with the ladies. However, while I'm certain that you are only working in the best interests of the undead community, the health of the animals that I treat must come first. Having decaying bodies lying around wouldn't be good for my most delicate patients. On top of that, while I have little background with living bodies, my experience with human corpses is even more limited. . . . I'm sorry, from your laughter I'm assuming I've said something funny, but I can't think of what it could possibly be.
In any case, this brings us to the photographs that you included at the end of your petition. It's easy to imagine that you were a private eye before your untimely demise, Mr. Zombie. I could immediately tell that you were no amateur blackmailer. I thought the word balloon above me was a nice touch, even if “lolz I kill puppies :)” is a crude way to phrase it. Information like this could be very damaging to my reputation. Wouldn't it be shocking, to find out that the kind veterinarian is only using his patients as a convenient place to send all of the magic backlash that would normally come to him? But isn't that a better use for a sick stray than wasting valuable resources nursing it back to health? I'm still amused at the irony of a group devoted to earning rights sinking so low as to use blackmail to get what they want. But then, things like this happen every day.
Why don't we take a walk and discuss this further? There's a magnificent cherry tree that you must see. Do you know what's buried under cherry trees that makes them bloom so beautifully every year? I'd be happy to show you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Suou Katsuya
Series: Persona 2: Eternal Punishment
Character Age: 25
Job: Camp Police Officer
Canon: In Sumaru City, rumors are becoming reality. One of these rumors concerns JOKER, a mysterious figure who'll kill whoever you want dead -- all you have to do is call him up by dialing your own phone number. Could he be behind the city's recent rash of grisly murders? Well, pretty much, yeah, but he's only a cog in a larger plot involving world destruction and strange fusions of Jungian psychology with Lovecraftian horrors and all sorts of crazy stuff.
Katsuya is a cop assigned to investigate the JOKER killings. He's also a Persona-user -- that is, he can summon aspects of his psyche that manifest as mythological beings in order to fight demons. He can also make "contracts" with demons to get them to give him stuff, which he does by interrogating them. Katsuya is very polite, and tends be strait-laced and by-the-book to an almost ridiculous degree, occasionally trying to apply the law to demons or call the police to deal with supernatural matters. He can also be surprisingly skeptical, despite all the strange things he's seen. Underneath it all, though, he's a nice guy who cares a lot about protecting people, especially his family.
Sample Post:
You there, freeze! Yes, you, in the gorilla suit! I have multiple eyewitness accounts stating that around 6:03 PM this evening, you assaulted a young woman eating her dessert outside of the Mess Hall and stole her cake -- and that's terrible. This is a bit outside of my usual department, but I can hardly allow someone who has committed a violent crime to walk free. I'm going to have to ask you to come with me.
No, that wasn't some sort of... of proposition -- I am an officer of the law and I am placing you under arrest and taking you back to the station. Though I admit I'm not quite sure where it is. I haven't quite had time to get acquainted with this place yet, but I'm sure someone will know. Don't be ridiculous, there must be one here. Why else would they be hiring police officers? Unless it were some sort of trap, but who would bother to go to such lengths...? Anyway, no matter. The details can be sorted out later; the important thing now is that no more innocents are harmed.
I am certain there's no mistake; I interrogated all of the witnesses at the scene quite thoroughly. So thoroughly, in fact, that I believe one of the corpselike demons wanted to make a contract with me. She was getting quite friendly, perhaps even a bit too much so, and kept insisting that she had something to give me. I was warned that her affections were "a trap," however, so I decided not to risk it. At any rate, their stories all match up. I don't know what else you expected, attacking someone in broad daylight in a heavily populated area. -- Really, things like that are a common occurrence in this place? That's a sad state of affairs, if it's true. No wonder those in charge decided to hire some law enforcement.
As much as I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt, the evidence seems clear. Besides which, you're covered in frosting and cake crumbs. I don't see how those could be "a lie," either. It's clearly real cake. And no, "it was delicious cake and I had to eat it" is no excuse for your actions either.
Poll Vote!
Character: Johnny Rayflo
Series: Vassalord
Character Age: physically 42
Job: Incubus Bait
Canon: Modern day Earth, the normal world as we know it, where vampires are nothing but legend and myth. However, a select few have found that these stories hold far more truth than they'd ever believed before. Vassalord follows the story of Charley (affectionately called Cherry for his inability reluctance to get laid) J. Krishund, a priest of the Vatican who also doubles as a cyborg vampire hunter. If that wasn't strange enough, he's actually a vampire himself -- though he limits himself to only drinking the blood of his Master, Johnny Rayflo.
Johnny Rayflo is an old, old vampire who is bound by many of the traditional vampiric laws. That said, he doesn't stalk teenage girls, he doesn't go around lubing windows, and while he does occasionally sparkle, he isn't particularly dazzling. Johnny appears every inch a suave and sophisticated man, often taking full advantage of his debonair self by flirting outrageously with most anyone. No one (but Cherry) ever seems to mind having his attention focused on them. However, despite being a hit with the ladies, Johnny actually hates getting too intimate with women. He will ooze charm and charisma outwardly while mentally freaking out -- he will try any way to get away without . . . being impolite.
Of note: Incubi are traditionally heterosexual, but there is an incubus in Vassalord that is obsessed with Johnny to a stalkerish, rapisty degree -- literally.
Sample post:
Good evening, miss, are you alone? How surprising, to find such a lovely lady without an escort. Ah, could I have a minute of your time? You see, I have a slight problem. It's quite insignificant, really, but I'm sure you know all how it's the little things in life that create the biggest problems. Seems I made a wrong turn on the path somewhere on my way here -- and while I consider it a blessing that I got the chance to meet you, I'm afraid I have an appointment to keep. You wouldn't happen to know the way to Camp Fuck You Die from here, would you?
I knew you'd be able to help. Yes, yes, I thought it might be a ways off -- no worries, milady, I can go the distance. And I have it on good authority that this Miss Sayre plans to make every mile worth my while . . . Ha? Oh, no, I'm headed there on business! Definitely business! And it's rude to keep a lady waiting -- even ruder if she's a potential employer.
You see, she requested I come to this summer camp as, ah . . . "Incubus bait." But that would imply she's trying to lure an incubus here, and I'm afraid that just won't do. Quite honestly, I can't understand why would anyone want an incubus in the first place. They might be physically beautiful, but it'd be more trouble than it's worth. They're the worst sort of company. Incubi tend to be rather possessive, easily jealous, and can make quite the terrible dinner partner. Messy eater, you see.
I tried telling her I couldn't make it, but none of my calls went through and my emails were bounced as fast as a kid from a bar. Thankfully, her letter of invitation included a date and time of discussion "should it be necessary" and I'm finding it quite necessary. The problem was just getting turned around a while back. I was going to retrace my steps once I got confused, but it's so peculiar. It seems like there's something there that wasn't there before. The signs I ended up following took me over, sideways, and under all sorts of interesting things . . . until I ended up here! Is there anything I can do to thank you for pointing me the right way?
--N-Now Miss Marcy, I truly did appreciate your help, really I did. I'd love to stay and chat but like I said, I'm in a bit of a rush and time's ticking away. In fact, I think my appointment was 35 minutes ago; I'm sure you can understand my consternation. Besides I have someone very special to me back home and that person is the jealous type, if you know what I mean. So if you'd kindly remove your appendages, I promise I'll be back for more conversation. Once I've spoken to Miss Sayre! And, ah. W-We can catch up then~? Really, Miss Marcy. This is what I like to call a single-tentacle conversation, and that single tentacle ought to be used to point me in the direction of Miss Sayre's office.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tazendra Lavode, Baroness of Daavya
Series: The Khaavren Romances, by Steven Brust.
Character Age: About one thousand.
Job idea: Judge of Heroic Deeds
Canon: The Khaavren Romances is a series of books modeled after The Three Musketeers novels. Except its cast is dominated by Dragaerans (in short, elves). Among the main cast, Tazendra is a Dragaeran Dzurlord whose character is by nature defined by acts of violence. She enjoys the simple things in life: battling against overwhelming forces, fighting at the side of a good friend, and bragging about her heroic deeds. In fact the more things look doomed, the more perky she becomes. When she isn't performing epic feats of violence with sword and sorcery, Tazendra likes to tramp cheerfully through life, doing anything from drinking and gambling to singing and painting--and, of course, bragging that she does all of the above far more often than she actually does.
Tazendra speaks with the formal voice common in all the Romances characters. It is language that tends toward such needlessly wordy sentences that the phrase "I'd like to say two words" is typically used to inform the listener they are about to be lectured. Still, while she's intelligent enough to master the atomic theories of sorcery, she only applies that intelligence to things she's interested in (read: violence, magic, and violence with magic). As a result, when she speaks, she often seems lacking in common sense. She just can't be bothered with letting details get in the way of her pursuit of heroic glory.
Sample Post:
Ah, I perceive that you, master gorilla, and you, master zombie, intend to duel. And should that be the case, why, I should not only ask that you stay your hands, but more, I must insist upon it, for I would like to say two words on the subject. I do not ask that you give up your play--cracks and shards! Why, I do believe that it is an hour since I have wanted to witness anything else! Only--well, the Lady Director has done me the honor to ask that I act as the Judge of Heroic Deeds for this place, an honor I do admit escapes my comprehension. What duties will be expected of me? I perceive that it is not to enforce the dueling laws of the Empire, for--and I mean no offense by this--gorillas and zombies are typically not Citizens, and in any case such meting out of rules makes for a dull contest that I would hardly be able to enjoy. But if that is not to be my duty, well, then it makes me wonder, for I have been known to wonder on occasion. And here is the proof: I have put forth a great effort and roused my mind to the task of how best to carry out such a duty. Alas, it seems my mind is not so fleet of foot as the answer, as it has escaped me entirely.
Therefore, I shall content myself to watch you at play and give you my judgment--that is, I shall tell you how I would improve on your actions. But only if your actions are worthy of my time, lest I have no time left to pursue my own glory. Now, my friend gorilla, you pretend that defeating this undead is a challenge, and I nearly think you are right, for no matter how you take one apart, the pieces will grasp at you. I tell you, I think I have nearly lost count of the times a zombie I have burnt has sent its ashes forth to assault my allergies! And here you say, "Ah!" Well, it was hardly a encounter worth recounting, but since you pretend that you are interested, I shall tell you.
You have heard already that the Lady Director invited me here, and I, well, as I came to accept her invitation, I perceived a group of no less than seventeen zombies gathered directly in my path, some bearing fliers decorated with not only my name, but also my likeness--and the others, they bore signs that said "welcome." Several presented food, a most hospitable gesture. Yet I think they proved to be road agents, hired to waylay me! For when I bit into the food, it had a foul smell, and I would swear under the Orb that bits of it wriggled in my mouth. Well, this turned my stomach and with no small amount of wondering it occurred to me that the food these undead gave me would poison me. Oh, as to whether or not they were in reality the vagabonds they then looked to be--well, we may never know, for I no sooner considered the possibility that they wished to treat me so dishonorably than I acted upon it, and charged them with both sword and wizard's staff. Now, I am no expert at arithmetics, but it seems to me that seventeen is a larger number than one, and that being the case, the fight was something of a pleasure for me, except of course for the allergies I have mentioned, which put me through no end of sneezing, such that I must contend that seventeen zombies are not that many, yet the ashes of seventeen zombies are nearly excessive.
Yet since you are not the sort to use fire against your enemies, I think your arms are tolerably long enough for a greater challenge than the one you propose to act out! So, master gorilla, I invite you to consider: how many friends do you think this zombie could gather against you?
Bah! You say they can merely number over nine thousand? Come, but you lack ambition! Master gorilla, if you wish to be a proper hero, you ought to request nearly twice that many.
Character Name: Tazendra Lavode
Series:Khaavren Romances
Age: About 800-1000ish (equivalent to late thirties in a human)
Job: Sentinel of the Camp Barrier Border Check
Canon: Swashbuckling! Danger! Romance! Long, convoluted sentences occupying ridiculous quantities of page space and yet conveying only the most obscure glimmerings of interpretable meaning! The Khaavren Romances are a loving pastiche on Alexandre Dumas' classic d'Artagnan Romances, as reimagined by contemporary fantasy/science fiction author Stephen Brust and set in the same world as his Vlad Taltos series. So imagine, if you would, that d'Artagnan and his friends were to conduct their swashbuckling adventures not in familiar seventeenth-century France, but rather in an alien world against a backdrop of blended high fantasy and science fiction, amidst a society composed primarily of an extremely long-lived and suspiciously elf-like people, whose entire population is divided into seventeen Great Houses, each descended-at least in part, if one takes a purely genetic viewpoint of these things-from a particular breed of magical animal. Still with me?
Now imagine that Porthos, of the aforementioned d'Artagnan Romances, is a sexy seven-foot-tall elf-lady sorceress, and you've pretty much got Tazendra Lavode.
Hereditary Baroness of Daavya and warrior of the house of Dzur (whose particular bestial donors of genetic material were a vaguely leonine species of giant magical black cats), Tazendra is loud, brash, and full of a love for life and all of its heady pleasures. She is famed for her skillful magic and swordsmanship, her uncompromisable loyalty, her timeless beauty, and her. . . simplicity, to put it politely-for, despite all her other virtues (including her typically circuitous Dumasian style of speech), Tazendra has never been the brightest crayon in the box (though never let it be said that this stops her from venturing bravely-and blindly-into the field of philosophy on occasion). Tazendra holds honor in high value, and, like other members of her house, takes no greater pleasure than in fighting and facing near-insurmountable odds; yet, far from being simply one in a crowd, Tazendra also possesses an ingenuous passion that is purely her own.
Sample Entry:
Cracks and shards! I'm beginning to think that I have gone astray.
Well-it would be a poor thing indeed if, after having died valiantly and gloriously in a battle of truly worthy proportions, I were to find myself lost for all eternity in the Paths of the Dead. Do you know, I was quite certain-in accordance with the training that I received during my lifetime in regards to navigating these same Paths-that I was to seek out a statue of mystical and indescribable nature and follow the directions engraved thereupon. Indeed, not only was I certain of it, but I suited my actions to that intention as well, which is ample proof of my certainty, I assure you. And yet, upon reflection, I find that I am confused, or even concerned: for, you see, I am beginning to suspect that the statue I found was neither truly mystic nor, indeed, remotely indescribable in nature, but rather merely somewhat shockingly vulgar. So now... well, now I am here, as you can see, discussing my predicament with you.
You wish to know the nature of the statue? Well, since you have asked me, then I shall tell you: it was quite tall, and very erect, and also astoundingly unrealistically proportioned. Upon the base were inscribed the aforementioned instructions, which instructions instructed me to follow a certain path (which, you observe, has lead me to you, as I am indeed here); and, having divulged these directions, further directed me to assist the Lady Sayre e'Li'Saabeth of Khaamfa-Kudi in defending her Barrier from unwanted penetration. And yet, now that I have followed the indicated path to the presumed location, I find myself bemused, or, one might even say, perplexed-for, as I am sure you perceive, though I am here, the Lady e'Li'Saabeth is nowhere to be found.
How, you pretend that I should be more concerned about my own Barrier? But, why, that is impossible-or, at the very least, it is impractical-for, you see, I do not enjoy the honor of possessing such a Barrier. Further-if, in fact, I did possess a Barrier, such Barrier would be situated in my own barony of Daavya, which is in the land of the living; whereas I am still here, in the Paths of the Dead, and quite possibly lost besides (which predicament, you recall, I was explaining to you from the very beginning); and moreover, the very necromantic distance between myself and my estates most likely would have dissipated any such Barrier by now in any case. Apropos, it would be quite unlikely that I could do it any good from here regardless. What? Why, no-I do not merely make these claims of a desire to avoid the Bad Touch; and, more is the proof, I have no idea what you're talking about. How, do you pretend to believe that I would prevaricate out of some base fear? Bah! I would never do such a cowardly thing.
Blood of the Horse! I begin to tire of this talk. I perceive that you are under some misapprehension about my character and my person, from which you refuse to be dissuaded by means of speech alone. Very well, then-come! Let us cease to discuss this matter with our tongues, and commence discussing with sword instead! -Or with tentacles, I suppose, in your case.
..."Iyaan sobold"? How, "iyaan sobold"? I do not comprehend-what is this thing you call "iyaan sobold"?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character Name: Trish
Series: Devil May Cry
Age: Unknown, appears early 30s
Job: Clone Counselor
Canon: They say that behind every great man is a great woman. Granted, you probably don't want that woman to be one who's thrown a motorcycle at you before, but Dante is a man who likes to live on the edge. When you consider that he's the hero of Devil May Cry, a game where riding bazooka missiles and being sleazy to half-naked demonic guitar women is kosher, fraternizing with the enemy is more like a walk in the park for him. Former minion-of-evil gone good-guy-sidekick, Trish is a demon created in the image of Dante's mother in order to seduce and inevitably destroy him. But when her dark soul was filled with Dante's light (thank you for that, canon) and she's shown the way of humanity, she joins up with the man and becomes Dante's on-again, off-again "partner."
But just because she's on the side of good doesn't mean she's a nice girl. Trish hasn't quite gotten the hang of the whole humanity thing and still feels more at ease hunting down demons than anything else. She's teasingly cruel to most anyone (usually the ones she's trying to kill) in the most unsubtle of ways, like a cat that wants to play with her mouse a little before she eats it. To the rest, she's just teasingly mean. Like most people in the DMC universe, Trish operates on a "violence solves everything" code and when in doubt, a well positioned gun is always a good trick to get the conversation started.
Sample Entry:
You know, I'd be more inclined to take your problems seriously if they were actually serious problems. Well, that and if you were real clones. Saying that you think you're clones of each other only works when you look exactly alike from head to toe. One head and two arms aren't enough of a similarity to make a case for yourselves; I've got both of those and there's a pretty clear difference between me and you both. Where your eyes are drifting to is about right, yes. I'll give you that you've both got the same eyes and the same mouth, but haven't you noticed that they're in completely different places? I can't even look one of you straight in the eyes without the help of a well-placed mirror.
But if it's that much of a problem to you both then... how about you leave it to me to fix things? People wouldn't have a problem telling the difference between you both if, say, one of you were missing an arm, right?
... Things would have gone a lot faster if you'd pointed out that you could do that in the first place. Well, keep the arm off, move the mouth a few inches to the left and you're as good as total strangers. But the next time you have another one of these little identity crises, try finding the right counselor for it. I'm here to counsel clones, as in the ones that look identical thanks to science or magic, not the ones who look really similar thanks to the power of decomposition and a handy needle and thread. Try to come back to me again for help and I'll make sure that you'll need more than just a needle and thread to pull yourself back together.
... But really, just how many clones are hiding around this summer camp that need counseling about being a clone? "This is how you look exactly like someone else" doesn't sound like it'd be much of a lecture to me. Or is it the other way around and I'm supposed to reassure them that they're "their own person" and that "what's on the inside is what matters?" Are there actually humans who need to hear that kind of thing to make up their mind about their existence? That's a pretty sad life to be leading. I just don't get people sometimes.
More of you? Really, the next kid to start wailing about things crawling in their skin will get lead crawling through their skin courtesy of Luce and Ombra. Even the ones with a valid complaint. Got it?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Sumeragi Subaru
Series: X
Age: 25
Job: Psychotherapist Specializing in Relationship Issues and Coping with Sudden Life Changes
Canon: The year is 1999, and the end of the world is fast approaching. The superhuman Dragons of Heaven and Dragons of Earth are gathering to participate in the final battle that will decide Earth's fate-- a fate which inexplicably revolves around the destruction or salvation of Tokyo. The seven Dragons of Heaven wish to save humanity (and Tokyo), thereby sentencing the Earth to death by pollution; the seven Dragons of Earth wish to purge the Earth of humanity and return the world to a more natural state a la Al Gore. Al Gore being a little more friendly towards the human race, of course.
Subaru is the thirteenth and most powerful head of the ancient Sumeragi clan of onmyoji (or spiritualists). The Sumeragi have been protecting Japan from evil spirits for hundreds of years. Because of his powers, Subaru is almost by default a Dragon of Heaven; rather selfishly, he cares nothing for the end of the world and is focused only on fulfilling his own wish. Subaru is always serious and professional, extremely polite, very quiet, and alarmingly lacking in the self preservation department. Subaru is a kind person and doesn't like to see others hurt, but he has been hiding this quality well behind a strong and laconic exterior. He is a broken man, uninterested in everyday life and unwilling to reach out to people unless they share some of his own pain. Or happen to be Sakurazuka Seishirou, the person that Subaru cares for the most, but who is also the killer of his beloved twin sister, a Dragon of Earth, and an enemy of the Sumeragi clan to boot. Thus the angst...
Sample Entry:
Madam Director-- if you can spare me a moment of your time, I am writing in regards to the job you asked me to perform. Unfortunately, I have been unable to execute it according to your wishes. I am truly sorry, but contacting your dead lover Stephen has proved impossible for reasons I will discuss below. In addition, you have some very powerful negative spiritual energy pervading your camp that I am concerned about and wish to address, if I may.
I know that it is very difficult to be separated from the person that is "special" to you, and so I am particularly sorry my attempt to contact your fiance has failed. However, when I performed my spells I could find no trace of his spirit among the dead. This does not mean that he is lost to you forever. It could be that his soul has moved on to the next world, for which you should be happy. One thing that was odd, however-- on my third incantation I heard something that sounded like a phone message. Unless the phrase "I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service," holds any special meaning for you?
During my time here I also came across a rather alarming number of undead. I assumed that you did not want so many zombies in your camp...especially since they seemed to be causing trouble for the other campers. I attempted to exorcise them, but again my spells did not seem to work. I then tried counseling one of them, as I have found that many ghosts and other undead only need to share some of their unhappiness with someone before they are able move on to the next life. This Zombie-san reported that its lover consistently treated it badly, and yet, it still wanted to be with him. I told Zombie-san that if it wished to be with him, it should follow that wish, even if no one else understands. I thought Zombie-san had found a happy ending...until we discovered his lover only wished to date living humans. In the end, I wasn't able to do anything.
There are many other issues that I could address. The lake seems to be rife with negative spiritual energy. The gorillas are much too friendly and don't behave like any animal I've encountered. And as I am writing you, there is a toucan watching me who keeps threatening to take out my remaining eye... As I am afraid your camp is beyond the help of even the Sumeragi, I ask that you release me. I am not quite sure why I can't break through the barrier to return to Japan...but I have other important matters to attend to there, as I'm sure you understand.
Well. Again, my deepest sympathies.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Sakurazuka Seishirou
Series: X
Age: 34
Job: Camp Veterinarian and Part-Time Arborist
Canon: It's the end of the world as they know it, but no one's feeling fine. Two competing forces, the Dragons of Heaven and the Dragons of Earth, battle over the fate of Tokyo and the Earth as a whole. The Dragons of Heaven fight to protect mankind, at the cost of the Earth, while the Dragons of Earth seek to wipe out humanity, so that the planet can be saved. Into this cheerful picture is dropped one Sakurazuka Seishirou, a Dragon of Earth and a secret assassin who kills his victims using magic. Said victims are usually fed to a particular sakura tree in Tokyo's Ueno Park, which Seishiou's clan has guarded and drawn power from for generations.
When he isn't killing people and feeding them to his tree, Seishirou can be very charming and personable. He excels at acting the part of a friendly veterinarian, even managing to get away with saying vaguely creepy things and having them come off as innocent comments. Beyond the mask, Seishirou is largely devoid of normal human emotions. He admits, at various points, that he feels nothing when he kills. Seishirou has an extremely negative outlook on humanity and believes that people are inherently selfish. He also tends to be very confident in his point of view, and frequently dismisses things that do not fit into his narrow view of reality. He is a morally bankrupt character, one who sees nothing wrong with killing his patients in order to prevent his own magical backlash from harming him. Even so, Seishirou's dark side is well hidden from the normal citizens of Tokyo, who only see the sophisticated, smart, and suave persona that Seishirou presents. A master manipulator to the last, Seishirou will make sure that people see only what he wishes them to.
Sample Entry:
My apologies for keeping you waiting all morning, Mr. Zombie, but the clinic has been unexpectedly busy. Oh, it's nothing to worry about, only a few troublesome patients. I'm afraid they're more demanding here than what I'm used to! It's much more convenient when the animals can't talk back, wouldn't you say? The gorillas finally returned for the results of their paternity test, which is why I was so late to our meeting. What a tragic tale that's turned out to be; both brothers claiming the child, leaving the poor mother and her baby in tears. Even modern science has failed them, since it's impossible to determine which identical twin is the father. After I broke the news, I kindly offered to play the part of King Solomon . . . ah, but you aren't concerned about that. Let's just say that the gorillas left my office satisfied, with only the child going to pieces.
With all of that excitement, I'm afraid that I haven't had much of an opportunity to give your organization's petition all the consideration it deserves. "Zombies for Medical Rights" is such an interesting name for your group, especially since I wasn't previously aware that corpses required rights at all. Perhaps a tailor or a seamstress would be of more use to you, if it's largely a matter of sewing parts back on? In all seriousness, a veterinary clinic is simply not the best place for you. While I can provide yearly check-ups and plenty of flea collars, I'm afraid that your demands for plastic surgery and Viagra prescriptions are beyond me. I didn't know that zombies could even metabolize Viagra! That special skill must make Mr. Zombie very popular with the ladies. However, while I'm certain that you are only working in the best interests of the undead community, the health of the animals that I treat must come first. Having decaying bodies lying around wouldn't be good for my most delicate patients. On top of that, while I have little background with living bodies, my experience with human corpses is even more limited. . . . I'm sorry, from your laughter I'm assuming I've said something funny, but I can't think of what it could possibly be.
In any case, this brings us to the photographs that you included at the end of your petition. It's easy to imagine that you were a private eye before your untimely demise, Mr. Zombie. I could immediately tell that you were no amateur blackmailer. I thought the word balloon above me was a nice touch, even if “lolz I kill puppies :)” is a crude way to phrase it. Information like this could be very damaging to my reputation. Wouldn't it be shocking, to find out that the kind veterinarian is only using his patients as a convenient place to send all of the magic backlash that would normally come to him? But isn't that a better use for a sick stray than wasting valuable resources nursing it back to health? I'm still amused at the irony of a group devoted to earning rights sinking so low as to use blackmail to get what they want. But then, things like this happen every day.
Why don't we take a walk and discuss this further? There's a magnificent cherry tree that you must see. Do you know what's buried under cherry trees that makes them bloom so beautifully every year? I'd be happy to show you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Suou Katsuya
Series: Persona 2: Eternal Punishment
Character Age: 25
Job: Camp Police Officer
Canon: In Sumaru City, rumors are becoming reality. One of these rumors concerns JOKER, a mysterious figure who'll kill whoever you want dead -- all you have to do is call him up by dialing your own phone number. Could he be behind the city's recent rash of grisly murders? Well, pretty much, yeah, but he's only a cog in a larger plot involving world destruction and strange fusions of Jungian psychology with Lovecraftian horrors and all sorts of crazy stuff.
Katsuya is a cop assigned to investigate the JOKER killings. He's also a Persona-user -- that is, he can summon aspects of his psyche that manifest as mythological beings in order to fight demons. He can also make "contracts" with demons to get them to give him stuff, which he does by interrogating them. Katsuya is very polite, and tends be strait-laced and by-the-book to an almost ridiculous degree, occasionally trying to apply the law to demons or call the police to deal with supernatural matters. He can also be surprisingly skeptical, despite all the strange things he's seen. Underneath it all, though, he's a nice guy who cares a lot about protecting people, especially his family.
Sample Post:
You there, freeze! Yes, you, in the gorilla suit! I have multiple eyewitness accounts stating that around 6:03 PM this evening, you assaulted a young woman eating her dessert outside of the Mess Hall and stole her cake -- and that's terrible. This is a bit outside of my usual department, but I can hardly allow someone who has committed a violent crime to walk free. I'm going to have to ask you to come with me.
No, that wasn't some sort of... of proposition -- I am an officer of the law and I am placing you under arrest and taking you back to the station. Though I admit I'm not quite sure where it is. I haven't quite had time to get acquainted with this place yet, but I'm sure someone will know. Don't be ridiculous, there must be one here. Why else would they be hiring police officers? Unless it were some sort of trap, but who would bother to go to such lengths...? Anyway, no matter. The details can be sorted out later; the important thing now is that no more innocents are harmed.
I am certain there's no mistake; I interrogated all of the witnesses at the scene quite thoroughly. So thoroughly, in fact, that I believe one of the corpselike demons wanted to make a contract with me. She was getting quite friendly, perhaps even a bit too much so, and kept insisting that she had something to give me. I was warned that her affections were "a trap," however, so I decided not to risk it. At any rate, their stories all match up. I don't know what else you expected, attacking someone in broad daylight in a heavily populated area. -- Really, things like that are a common occurrence in this place? That's a sad state of affairs, if it's true. No wonder those in charge decided to hire some law enforcement.
As much as I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt, the evidence seems clear. Besides which, you're covered in frosting and cake crumbs. I don't see how those could be "a lie," either. It's clearly real cake. And no, "it was delicious cake and I had to eat it" is no excuse for your actions either.
Poll Vote!
Character: Johnny Rayflo
Series: Vassalord
Character Age: physically 42
Job: Incubus Bait
Canon: Modern day Earth, the normal world as we know it, where vampires are nothing but legend and myth. However, a select few have found that these stories hold far more truth than they'd ever believed before. Vassalord follows the story of Charley (affectionately called Cherry for his inability reluctance to get laid) J. Krishund, a priest of the Vatican who also doubles as a cyborg vampire hunter. If that wasn't strange enough, he's actually a vampire himself -- though he limits himself to only drinking the blood of his Master, Johnny Rayflo.
Johnny Rayflo is an old, old vampire who is bound by many of the traditional vampiric laws. That said, he doesn't stalk teenage girls, he doesn't go around lubing windows, and while he does occasionally sparkle, he isn't particularly dazzling. Johnny appears every inch a suave and sophisticated man, often taking full advantage of his debonair self by flirting outrageously with most anyone. No one (but Cherry) ever seems to mind having his attention focused on them. However, despite being a hit with the ladies, Johnny actually hates getting too intimate with women. He will ooze charm and charisma outwardly while mentally freaking out -- he will try any way to get away without . . . being impolite.
Of note: Incubi are traditionally heterosexual, but there is an incubus in Vassalord that is obsessed with Johnny to a stalkerish, rapisty degree -- literally.
Sample post:
Good evening, miss, are you alone? How surprising, to find such a lovely lady without an escort. Ah, could I have a minute of your time? You see, I have a slight problem. It's quite insignificant, really, but I'm sure you know all how it's the little things in life that create the biggest problems. Seems I made a wrong turn on the path somewhere on my way here -- and while I consider it a blessing that I got the chance to meet you, I'm afraid I have an appointment to keep. You wouldn't happen to know the way to Camp Fuck You Die from here, would you?
I knew you'd be able to help. Yes, yes, I thought it might be a ways off -- no worries, milady, I can go the distance. And I have it on good authority that this Miss Sayre plans to make every mile worth my while . . . Ha? Oh, no, I'm headed there on business! Definitely business! And it's rude to keep a lady waiting -- even ruder if she's a potential employer.
You see, she requested I come to this summer camp as, ah . . . "Incubus bait." But that would imply she's trying to lure an incubus here, and I'm afraid that just won't do. Quite honestly, I can't understand why would anyone want an incubus in the first place. They might be physically beautiful, but it'd be more trouble than it's worth. They're the worst sort of company. Incubi tend to be rather possessive, easily jealous, and can make quite the terrible dinner partner. Messy eater, you see.
I tried telling her I couldn't make it, but none of my calls went through and my emails were bounced as fast as a kid from a bar. Thankfully, her letter of invitation included a date and time of discussion "should it be necessary" and I'm finding it quite necessary. The problem was just getting turned around a while back. I was going to retrace my steps once I got confused, but it's so peculiar. It seems like there's something there that wasn't there before. The signs I ended up following took me over, sideways, and under all sorts of interesting things . . . until I ended up here! Is there anything I can do to thank you for pointing me the right way?
--N-Now Miss Marcy, I truly did appreciate your help, really I did. I'd love to stay and chat but like I said, I'm in a bit of a rush and time's ticking away. In fact, I think my appointment was 35 minutes ago; I'm sure you can understand my consternation. Besides I have someone very special to me back home and that person is the jealous type, if you know what I mean. So if you'd kindly remove your appendages, I promise I'll be back for more conversation. Once I've spoken to Miss Sayre! And, ah. W-We can catch up then~? Really, Miss Marcy. This is what I like to call a single-tentacle conversation, and that single tentacle ought to be used to point me in the direction of Miss Sayre's office.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tazendra Lavode, Baroness of Daavya
Series: The Khaavren Romances, by Steven Brust.
Character Age: About one thousand.
Job idea: Judge of Heroic Deeds
Canon: The Khaavren Romances is a series of books modeled after The Three Musketeers novels. Except its cast is dominated by Dragaerans (in short, elves). Among the main cast, Tazendra is a Dragaeran Dzurlord whose character is by nature defined by acts of violence. She enjoys the simple things in life: battling against overwhelming forces, fighting at the side of a good friend, and bragging about her heroic deeds. In fact the more things look doomed, the more perky she becomes. When she isn't performing epic feats of violence with sword and sorcery, Tazendra likes to tramp cheerfully through life, doing anything from drinking and gambling to singing and painting--and, of course, bragging that she does all of the above far more often than she actually does.
Tazendra speaks with the formal voice common in all the Romances characters. It is language that tends toward such needlessly wordy sentences that the phrase "I'd like to say two words" is typically used to inform the listener they are about to be lectured. Still, while she's intelligent enough to master the atomic theories of sorcery, she only applies that intelligence to things she's interested in (read: violence, magic, and violence with magic). As a result, when she speaks, she often seems lacking in common sense. She just can't be bothered with letting details get in the way of her pursuit of heroic glory.
Sample Post:
Ah, I perceive that you, master gorilla, and you, master zombie, intend to duel. And should that be the case, why, I should not only ask that you stay your hands, but more, I must insist upon it, for I would like to say two words on the subject. I do not ask that you give up your play--cracks and shards! Why, I do believe that it is an hour since I have wanted to witness anything else! Only--well, the Lady Director has done me the honor to ask that I act as the Judge of Heroic Deeds for this place, an honor I do admit escapes my comprehension. What duties will be expected of me? I perceive that it is not to enforce the dueling laws of the Empire, for--and I mean no offense by this--gorillas and zombies are typically not Citizens, and in any case such meting out of rules makes for a dull contest that I would hardly be able to enjoy. But if that is not to be my duty, well, then it makes me wonder, for I have been known to wonder on occasion. And here is the proof: I have put forth a great effort and roused my mind to the task of how best to carry out such a duty. Alas, it seems my mind is not so fleet of foot as the answer, as it has escaped me entirely.
Therefore, I shall content myself to watch you at play and give you my judgment--that is, I shall tell you how I would improve on your actions. But only if your actions are worthy of my time, lest I have no time left to pursue my own glory. Now, my friend gorilla, you pretend that defeating this undead is a challenge, and I nearly think you are right, for no matter how you take one apart, the pieces will grasp at you. I tell you, I think I have nearly lost count of the times a zombie I have burnt has sent its ashes forth to assault my allergies! And here you say, "Ah!" Well, it was hardly a encounter worth recounting, but since you pretend that you are interested, I shall tell you.
You have heard already that the Lady Director invited me here, and I, well, as I came to accept her invitation, I perceived a group of no less than seventeen zombies gathered directly in my path, some bearing fliers decorated with not only my name, but also my likeness--and the others, they bore signs that said "welcome." Several presented food, a most hospitable gesture. Yet I think they proved to be road agents, hired to waylay me! For when I bit into the food, it had a foul smell, and I would swear under the Orb that bits of it wriggled in my mouth. Well, this turned my stomach and with no small amount of wondering it occurred to me that the food these undead gave me would poison me. Oh, as to whether or not they were in reality the vagabonds they then looked to be--well, we may never know, for I no sooner considered the possibility that they wished to treat me so dishonorably than I acted upon it, and charged them with both sword and wizard's staff. Now, I am no expert at arithmetics, but it seems to me that seventeen is a larger number than one, and that being the case, the fight was something of a pleasure for me, except of course for the allergies I have mentioned, which put me through no end of sneezing, such that I must contend that seventeen zombies are not that many, yet the ashes of seventeen zombies are nearly excessive.
Yet since you are not the sort to use fire against your enemies, I think your arms are tolerably long enough for a greater challenge than the one you propose to act out! So, master gorilla, I invite you to consider: how many friends do you think this zombie could gather against you?
Bah! You say they can merely number over nine thousand? Come, but you lack ambition! Master gorilla, if you wish to be a proper hero, you ought to request nearly twice that many.
Character Name: Tazendra Lavode
Series:Khaavren Romances
Age: About 800-1000ish (equivalent to late thirties in a human)
Job: Sentinel of the Camp Barrier Border Check
Canon: Swashbuckling! Danger! Romance! Long, convoluted sentences occupying ridiculous quantities of page space and yet conveying only the most obscure glimmerings of interpretable meaning! The Khaavren Romances are a loving pastiche on Alexandre Dumas' classic d'Artagnan Romances, as reimagined by contemporary fantasy/science fiction author Stephen Brust and set in the same world as his Vlad Taltos series. So imagine, if you would, that d'Artagnan and his friends were to conduct their swashbuckling adventures not in familiar seventeenth-century France, but rather in an alien world against a backdrop of blended high fantasy and science fiction, amidst a society composed primarily of an extremely long-lived and suspiciously elf-like people, whose entire population is divided into seventeen Great Houses, each descended-at least in part, if one takes a purely genetic viewpoint of these things-from a particular breed of magical animal. Still with me?
Now imagine that Porthos, of the aforementioned d'Artagnan Romances, is a sexy seven-foot-tall elf-lady sorceress, and you've pretty much got Tazendra Lavode.
Hereditary Baroness of Daavya and warrior of the house of Dzur (whose particular bestial donors of genetic material were a vaguely leonine species of giant magical black cats), Tazendra is loud, brash, and full of a love for life and all of its heady pleasures. She is famed for her skillful magic and swordsmanship, her uncompromisable loyalty, her timeless beauty, and her. . . simplicity, to put it politely-for, despite all her other virtues (including her typically circuitous Dumasian style of speech), Tazendra has never been the brightest crayon in the box (though never let it be said that this stops her from venturing bravely-and blindly-into the field of philosophy on occasion). Tazendra holds honor in high value, and, like other members of her house, takes no greater pleasure than in fighting and facing near-insurmountable odds; yet, far from being simply one in a crowd, Tazendra also possesses an ingenuous passion that is purely her own.
Sample Entry:
Cracks and shards! I'm beginning to think that I have gone astray.
Well-it would be a poor thing indeed if, after having died valiantly and gloriously in a battle of truly worthy proportions, I were to find myself lost for all eternity in the Paths of the Dead. Do you know, I was quite certain-in accordance with the training that I received during my lifetime in regards to navigating these same Paths-that I was to seek out a statue of mystical and indescribable nature and follow the directions engraved thereupon. Indeed, not only was I certain of it, but I suited my actions to that intention as well, which is ample proof of my certainty, I assure you. And yet, upon reflection, I find that I am confused, or even concerned: for, you see, I am beginning to suspect that the statue I found was neither truly mystic nor, indeed, remotely indescribable in nature, but rather merely somewhat shockingly vulgar. So now... well, now I am here, as you can see, discussing my predicament with you.
You wish to know the nature of the statue? Well, since you have asked me, then I shall tell you: it was quite tall, and very erect, and also astoundingly unrealistically proportioned. Upon the base were inscribed the aforementioned instructions, which instructions instructed me to follow a certain path (which, you observe, has lead me to you, as I am indeed here); and, having divulged these directions, further directed me to assist the Lady Sayre e'Li'Saabeth of Khaamfa-Kudi in defending her Barrier from unwanted penetration. And yet, now that I have followed the indicated path to the presumed location, I find myself bemused, or, one might even say, perplexed-for, as I am sure you perceive, though I am here, the Lady e'Li'Saabeth is nowhere to be found.
How, you pretend that I should be more concerned about my own Barrier? But, why, that is impossible-or, at the very least, it is impractical-for, you see, I do not enjoy the honor of possessing such a Barrier. Further-if, in fact, I did possess a Barrier, such Barrier would be situated in my own barony of Daavya, which is in the land of the living; whereas I am still here, in the Paths of the Dead, and quite possibly lost besides (which predicament, you recall, I was explaining to you from the very beginning); and moreover, the very necromantic distance between myself and my estates most likely would have dissipated any such Barrier by now in any case. Apropos, it would be quite unlikely that I could do it any good from here regardless. What? Why, no-I do not merely make these claims of a desire to avoid the Bad Touch; and, more is the proof, I have no idea what you're talking about. How, do you pretend to believe that I would prevaricate out of some base fear? Bah! I would never do such a cowardly thing.
Blood of the Horse! I begin to tire of this talk. I perceive that you are under some misapprehension about my character and my person, from which you refuse to be dissuaded by means of speech alone. Very well, then-come! Let us cease to discuss this matter with our tongues, and commence discussing with sword instead! -Or with tentacles, I suppose, in your case.
..."Iyaan sobold"? How, "iyaan sobold"? I do not comprehend-what is this thing you call "iyaan sobold"?
Poll Vote!