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Character: Marius
Series: My Life In Blue
Age: 17
Canon: When Marius was introduced, he was described as a "tormented poet-type." It was also revealed that the school board wouldn't let him use the boy's bathroom the previous year, and, a little later, that there was something not right about his voice. He was a mysterious character, and the main character wondered about who or what he really was... until three things were eventually revealed:
One, he was dating a Catholic schoolgirl. Two, he was Jewish. And three, he was a transsexual. He takes great offense to being called a girl; his chosen gender is very strongly male.
Leaving the subject of gender (not his most important quality), he is a poet and a painter, refers to himself in apparent jest as an immortal, has an imaginary black crow. He is also a talented actor, playing Hamlet in the school play and, most currently, Saturninus in Titus Andronicus.
Marius seems mostly good-natured, and while he can be a bit snarky, he doesn't seem to hold a grudge or remain on bad terms with anyone. He looks at the world through a highly-polished lens of cheerful, intelligent smarm.
I must admit, this is starting to seem less like an art camp and more like Dawn of the Dead. Although, with the quality of the local zombies, Shaun of the Dead may be a more apt comparison. I've even managed to shoot a few, though I've never held a gun in my life before today. What is this world coming to, I ask you?
Harder to shoot are those little pinecones that decide they want up your pants. Especially once they're up there. I hardly need to say I'm not going around pantsless; after shaking them out, I had to pull my socks up over my pants legs to keep them from getting back in. They may be hard to shoot, but they're fun to kick across the woods. They unfortunately started avoiding me before I could try a game of hacky-sack.
To the camp at large, greetings. My name is Marius, painter and poet, student of the Arts. Are the walking dead and over-affectionate seed factories as exotic as this camp gets? It's not what I'm used to, of course, but if I remember to aim for the head and keep my pants tied shut, I'm sure I can get quite a few pieces done this winter without unspeakable interruptions...
Is there a giant squid in that lake?
...Well. The barren trees framing the lake and the orange glow of the setting sun playing across the swaying tentacles is truly a sight to see. I think I know what's getting painted first.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nosedive (Flashblade) [Picture credit to chaoscentral.freeservers.com]
Series: Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series.
Age: Late teens.
Canon: MDTAS took Disney's "Mighty Ducks" franchise to another level entirely, starting with the fact that they were actually ducks. Six foot tall alien ducks from another universe to be exact. They flew through a dimensional gateway to Earth on the heels of the Dinosaur-like Saurians whom had previously held their planet captive. Upon finding Anaheim's state-of-the-art hockey rink "The Pond" empty, they decided to move right in and join the NHL while fighting crime and foiling the Saurians' nefarious schemes on the side. And that's just the very too of the crack barrel.
If you dig deeper, you find a sometimes complete disregard of Physics. Blatantly impossible ten foot jumps? Check. Lava-proof asphalt, concrete, and steel? Also check. The failure for two of the ducks to be sucked out of a rocket upon opening the hatch? Another check. And... well, you get the drill. It leaves one to wonder if the Weiss Kreuz/Knight Hunters group had anything to do with this series.
The show writers seem to delight in putting the Ducks through every sort of situation, both possible and impossible. Dinosaurs, misguided super heroes, energy creatures, parallel universes (one an alternate future, the other magical), mutants, giant snakes, shape shifting Saurians, thieves, evil mad scientists, wizards/sorcerers, inept "ninjas" with a giant "super laser", clay golems, homunculi, reprogrammed bounty hunter robots, and publicity stunts from hell are just some of the things that the Ducks've had to face. And somehow, throughout all of it, they only missed one game all season. Add in the various parodies throughout the series (does everyone do the Maltese Falcon?) and it's a wonder that they didn't all go insane by episode five.
Nosedive has taken this pandemonium particularly well and has adjusted to Earth faster than the others, almost instantaneously gaining years of knowledge about the USA's popular culture in a matter of a few episodes. (Mostly because the writers were retarded like that, but hey, it's canon. Sorta like how he woke up from a concussion and wasn't even the slightest bit groggy; that's canon too.) The teenage mallard is by far the youngest member of the team but he never cuts himself any slack. Above anything, Nosedive yearns to prove himself and to be an asset to the team. His sharp shooting, mechanical skills, ability to keep his cool in a bad situation, and upbeat attitude have helped him to this end. Nosedive's mechanical skills are little talked about by many of the fans but since he is capable of teaching himself how to operate almost any vehicle (including their space vehicle) in a short amount of time and added some alterations to a vehicle of his own, they obviously exist. However, despite this, Nosedive does suffer from the occassional klutzy moment, bout of impatience, or just a simple blonde moment. Nosedive has actually convinced many people that he is downright stupid with his sarcastic attitude, love of stating the obvious, and constant pranking but that could be only farther from the truth. His constant snark actually tends to use a large variety of words and sometimes he even dips into Spanish, although there is no real indication where he picked that up.
Even after being through the Saurians' work camps with his brother, Nosedive has never shown any signs of depression or anxiety. In fact, his brother seems to have more self-confidence issues as the leader of the team than Nosedive has ever shown. Because of their experiences together, Nosedive and his older brother Wildwing share a very close bond. Before they were rescued from the work camps they only had each other but now their pseudo-family has grown to include the entire team. Nosedive sometimes drags out his teammates to the movies (Godzilla types, mostly) and the like, possibly because he knows they need to get out more. (Sadly, the only other Duck with human friends seems to be the geek-type girl on the team, Tanya. The others seem to try to avoid them for the most part.)
While Nosedive isn't particularly fond of all humans because of a few bad experiences, he has a couple good human friends. Trash and Mookie share his love for video games, comics (they work at a comic shop), and have even helped the Ducks win against a villain or two. He sometimes tells them about some of the stranger things that have happened to him, which tends to amuse them (and so they forgive him if his stories might sometimes get lengthy). Because of his near instantaneous friendship with the two teenagers, Nosedive's willing to give new people (even humans) the benefit of the doubt.
And as a last note: yes, unlike owls, ducks do have a sense of smell, and Nosedive has constantly reiterated that throughout the series. The ducks also come from an ice planet, so winter in the USA would be considered little more than just a tad bit chilly.
By intensely thorough scientific experimentation, I have proven that at least one duck can climb trees. Very fast. Reaaaally fast if there's zombies going "brains, braiinzz!!One!11" on his tail feathers. And I really hope that isn't the norm here but what are the chances this has ever happened to anyone else? I mean, c'mon! This totally can't be an everyday thing here, can it? I mean, if it was, this camp would be completely crazy, man!
This camp isn't exactly what I had in mind for an "Extreme Winter Sports" camp. We've definitely gotten the "Extreme" covered, and maybe "Winter Sports" too if you're sick in the head. I'd think about panicking if the zombies here weren't so incredibly stupid. Maybe later if I feel my interest waning and teenage apathy setting in.
Still not exactly sure where "here" is, though, or how I even got here. Well, obviously I was kidnapped. I'm more interested in the where than the who or the why, though, since I don't want to have to sit through another villain's five minute ramble about how they're going to use my DNA, superior technology, good looks, and etc. to take over the world. Man, that sorta stuff gets old after the first fifty times or so.
All I know about this place right now isn't much. I never even got to read the welcoming letter on the bus before something knocked me out. There's no lump on the back of my head anymore where they hit me, though, and that kinda makes me worry how long I was unconscious.
What I do know is when I woke up, I found myself lying across some sort of counter top with my backpack digging painfully into my back. I lied there and tried to find out more before showing I was awake but then I heard some words that were, without a doubt, creepy: "a new twist to a great oldie--BEER CAN DUCK!" But when I opened my eyes and saw the gray skin and matted hair and Chef hat, I knew I was really in for a doozy.
When I turned my head the other way, I found myself staring at a live audience (if you'll excuse the pun) full of zombies. It was at this point that I came to the only possible conclusion: I was, somehow, to become the featured dish on a southern zombie cooking show. And if there was any chance for me to escape becoming the new dinner party fad, I would somehow have to escape both the frying pan and the oven.
Luckily, an ample distraction provided itself only a few inches from my hand. I more smelt it than saw it, some sort of glass bowl filled with fresh brains (they were small, probably rats or something... ew). So this left me wondering, "Gee, what would happen if I chucked this out into the audience?" So, in the name of science, I vowed to discover the truth.
And then the brains flew into the audience which promptly stampeded over itself to get them. I had no idea that zombies could move that fast when motivated, although it was funny to watch. The Chef's own audience even ate him when he tried to get the body parts back. I suppose it was only fitting that his hat had the Fox Network logo on it. Another show cancelled, although that cancellation was harsher than most.
While they were all distracted, I slid off the counter top and exited, stage left. Then immediately went to exit stage right instead, 'cause stage left was flooded with the stage hands wanting to take a bite out of the action. Unfortunately, on the way toward the heavenly red light of the nearest exit sign, a group of security guard zombies spotted me and eventually chased me into this tree. They're still there, too.
I wonder if they're as gullible as the audience was? Well, I'm going to try to convince them that the sticky evergreen tree there has bark made out of brains. If it works, I'll have the chance to make a break for camp. Even if I can stay out here all night, I'd much rather be inside before I find out what other surprises this camp has in store for me!
Poll Vote!
Character: Martina Zoana Mel Navratilova
Series: Slayers NEXT
Age: Less than 20
Canon: Martina is from Slayers NEXT. The staring
cast, Lina, Amelia, Gourry, Zelgadis and Xelloss are searching for
copies of a magical tome called the Clair Bible, but it's usually
found in pieces.
Martina is an obsessive, arrogant princess of the Kingdom of Xoana,
which is destroyed by Lina in Episode 1. She spends much of her time
trying to ruin Lina, but because of her clumsiness, she only ends up a
nuisance. Martina has made up and VERY strongly believes in a Dark God
named Zoamel Gustav. She frequently asks Zoamel Gustav for advice, and
will answer for him as well. Her belief is so strong that she is able
to create curses and such. She easily falls in love, and has held
crushes on Zelgadis, Gourry, and Xelloss. This Martina is still in her
current infatuation with Xelloss, and though she likes to help him
seek the Clair Bible for the sole reason of being by his side, she has
no idea what it is.
Oh, Zoamel Gustav... The things I do for love.
Despite the fact that my darling Xelloss-sama (who unfortunately had
taken leave earlier...Why on Earth didn't he take me with
him?!) CLEARLY AND ELOQUENTLY said that the temple holding a piece of
that Clair watchamacallit Bible thing was due south past - some -
mountain, that FOOL Lina and her band of...also-fools, headed west!
And when I very politely and diplomatically corrected their
grave error, they ignored me! ME! I knew right then and there that
only your glorious wrath would show those heathens the way!!
So I swiftly moved to strike that small-chested annoyance with the
might of a thousand of your curses, but that wench had the NERVE to
dodge! How base! After a few similar attempts, I decided that I
should be merciful. The more time spent on smiting the ignorant, the
less time I can have to be faithful to my dear Xelloss-sama! Please
forgive me, my lord.
Following My Beloved's instructions, I headed due south past the
mountain, confident that I would find the Clair Bible thing. And, four
dedicated hours of walking later, I stumbled upon my current location.
And I have to say that it is indeed the strangest temple that I have
come across. Its area is in general disarray; I suppose it has
something to do with the death of the proprietor's fiance, according
to the post on the entrance. Or perhaps it's because of those
disgusting undead creatures wandering aimlessly... surely commoners
would have better things to do in their death! But this matters not!
My lovely Xelloss-sama is looking for this precious Clair Bible thing
somewhere in this dreadful place, and I certainly won't leave until I
find him.
VIVA ZOAMEL GUSTAV!
Poll Vote!
Character: Brock Slate
Series: Pokemon official site pokemopolis
Age: ...17? 18? (around there)
Canon: Brock is the leader of the Pewter City gym, but his true dream is to be a pokemon breeder. The oldest of 10 and with two deadbeat parents, Brock has become pretty accustomed to taking care of others. When he joins Ash and Misty on their journey, he falls easily into the mother older brother-role, cooking, cleaning, and keeping them from getting too lost (with dubious success). Brock is also a bit of a casanova, or so he seems to think... While he seems to fall for almost any girl who's hit puberty, for some reason the girls seem somewhat spooked by the marriage proposals from someone they've only known for a few moments. Go figure. Brock is a bit of a spaz at times, but he's a good guy to have in your corner (unless there's a pretty girl around...)
Camp! Camp! Camp! Yes, you may think a pokemon journey isn't all that different, but that just means you aren't paying attention:
Camp -> lake -> swimsuits -> girls in swimsuits -> happiness ♥
I was wandering around the camp, trying to find my cabin or the aforementioned lake (and hopefully the aforementioned girls in swimsuits), but I think I mixed up the directions I was given at camp orientation--though I admit, I gave a lot more attention to the beautiful and melodic voice of the lovely, mature woman giving the brief introduction than to the actual content of her speech. I was about to whip out the charm and introduce myself to her a second time (since she hadn't really seemed impressed the first time) when suddenly I was alone in the middle of the woods somewhere. ...Huh. Well, no big deal, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and no one can say I'm picky about fish!
...Somehow that doesn't sound quite right.
Eh, whatever. I never found the lake, though I did see some other...things...in the woods around camp. Assuming they're pokemon (and I'm not sure what to think if they aren't), they look to be combination ghost-fighting types? I'd have to do some battling to be sure, but I don't really want to...they smell funny and I'm not really a fan of ghost-types... Still, studying their breeding habits shouldn't be that hard, since there seem to be quite a few of them around the camp. And they seem to be pretty friendly; a couple of them immediately shambled up to me to say hi. Now, as a pokemon breeder, I'm pretty familiar with ways different types of pokemon show affection, like some pokemon 'talk' to you, and others sniff your hand or lick your face. These things bite into your flesh, and chew. Don't get me wrong, I've never been against a good bite in the right context (wink wink nudge nudge hurr hurr), but I don't really believe in taking that much of a hands-on role in pokemon breeding...
Anyway, I called out Lombre, and eventually we were able to get the zombie...pokemon...whatever they were off me with liberal use of water gun, but...um...ow. I wonder if there's a Nurse Joy around? Her smiling face is enough to heal any wound! And that would be great, since I can't really feel my arm anymore. ...I don't think that I really like those zombie pokemon things. But I'm not going to let one little episode rain on my parade. There's still weeks of fun to look forward to! Camp! Girls! Yeah!
Poll Vote!
Character: Harry Potter
Series: Harry Potter (books)
Age: 16
Canon: If you don't know who Harry Potter is, I seriously worry about you. But if you don't, I'll throw you a bone. Harry Potter is, for the most part, a completely average teenage boy with a pretty average personality. There are, however, some important things that make him stand out.
1. He's a wizard. 2. His parents were murdered by Lord Voldemort when he was one, and was almost murdered himself, except the spell backfired and he escaped with just a scar. 3. He's famous for causing Voldemort's almost-death. 4. Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry every year or so. 5. Sometimes, other people try to kill him as well. 6. HE HAS CAPS LOCK RAGE. 7. He has an insufferable desire to be a hero, which does lead to death on some occasions. 8. Really, really hates Lord Voldemort, and wants to kill him. 9. I ALREADY MENTIONED THE RAGE, RIGHT? 10. Would do anything for his friends, especially Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.
And that does sum him up pretty well. This app is set after the end of the 6th book (Half-Blood Prince) but contains no major spoilers for it.
Notes: an Inferi is pretty much the Harry Potter equivalent of zombie, a Muggle is a non-magic person, floo powder takes you places via chimneys and Voldemort = Tom Riddle.
I've never liked floo powder.
Apart from all the spinning, burning, and smacking facedown into the floor when you arrive, it never sends me where I want to go. I think it took me seriously when I yelled, "Bloody hell!" after stepping on a hot coal, because this… definitely isn't Diagon Alley. Or Knockturn Alley. Not even England. Although it might be Hagrid's backyard.
Oh, wait. Camp… Fuck You Die, was it? Must be America then. Although I'm not sure if it's a muggle camp or a magic camp. It's hard to tell with the mix of stuff here. Tentacle monsters in the lake, normal; moving corpses, normal; people flying on broomsticks… normal but they're not usually green, I think, except on really windy days when they've just had too much lunch or they're Ron on Quidditch day.. Purple gorillas, n-
NOT normal, but I've seen weirder.
Can't be a wizarding camp though, no one's mobbed me for an autograph yet. But if it's a muggle camp, then they've got some brilliant special effects here, because those Inferi zombies are really… realistic. And I think I'm going to back away from those now. Especially since my magic is, er… not working on them. I don't know why, and I'd really rather not figure out why, because it'll end up being something nasty and connected to Voldemort, although that might be a bonus. It would explain an awful lot--
--except these gorillas what the hell do you THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT DON'T YOU SHOVE THAT DOWN MY--
…
Hermione would be so proud if she knew I remembered all twenty-seven jinxes for countering molestation and used them all in succession.
Right, well, this has been really great and all. I love nothing more than, er, getting almost violated by weird animals. Makes my day complete. But I have important stuff to do back home, and I can't do it here. Since, well, the other person I need to finish the job wouldn't be here, of all places.
I mean, Voldemort isn't going to kill himself.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. Now closed!
Character: Marius
Series: My Life In Blue
Age: 17
Canon: When Marius was introduced, he was described as a "tormented poet-type." It was also revealed that the school board wouldn't let him use the boy's bathroom the previous year, and, a little later, that there was something not right about his voice. He was a mysterious character, and the main character wondered about who or what he really was... until three things were eventually revealed:
One, he was dating a Catholic schoolgirl. Two, he was Jewish. And three, he was a transsexual. He takes great offense to being called a girl; his chosen gender is very strongly male.
Leaving the subject of gender (not his most important quality), he is a poet and a painter, refers to himself in apparent jest as an immortal, has an imaginary black crow. He is also a talented actor, playing Hamlet in the school play and, most currently, Saturninus in Titus Andronicus.
Marius seems mostly good-natured, and while he can be a bit snarky, he doesn't seem to hold a grudge or remain on bad terms with anyone. He looks at the world through a highly-polished lens of cheerful, intelligent smarm.
I must admit, this is starting to seem less like an art camp and more like Dawn of the Dead. Although, with the quality of the local zombies, Shaun of the Dead may be a more apt comparison. I've even managed to shoot a few, though I've never held a gun in my life before today. What is this world coming to, I ask you?
Harder to shoot are those little pinecones that decide they want up your pants. Especially once they're up there. I hardly need to say I'm not going around pantsless; after shaking them out, I had to pull my socks up over my pants legs to keep them from getting back in. They may be hard to shoot, but they're fun to kick across the woods. They unfortunately started avoiding me before I could try a game of hacky-sack.
To the camp at large, greetings. My name is Marius, painter and poet, student of the Arts. Are the walking dead and over-affectionate seed factories as exotic as this camp gets? It's not what I'm used to, of course, but if I remember to aim for the head and keep my pants tied shut, I'm sure I can get quite a few pieces done this winter without unspeakable interruptions...
Is there a giant squid in that lake?
...Well. The barren trees framing the lake and the orange glow of the setting sun playing across the swaying tentacles is truly a sight to see. I think I know what's getting painted first.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nosedive (Flashblade) [Picture credit to chaoscentral.freeservers.com]
Series: Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series.
Age: Late teens.
Canon: MDTAS took Disney's "Mighty Ducks" franchise to another level entirely, starting with the fact that they were actually ducks. Six foot tall alien ducks from another universe to be exact. They flew through a dimensional gateway to Earth on the heels of the Dinosaur-like Saurians whom had previously held their planet captive. Upon finding Anaheim's state-of-the-art hockey rink "The Pond" empty, they decided to move right in and join the NHL while fighting crime and foiling the Saurians' nefarious schemes on the side. And that's just the very too of the crack barrel.
If you dig deeper, you find a sometimes complete disregard of Physics. Blatantly impossible ten foot jumps? Check. Lava-proof asphalt, concrete, and steel? Also check. The failure for two of the ducks to be sucked out of a rocket upon opening the hatch? Another check. And... well, you get the drill. It leaves one to wonder if the Weiss Kreuz/Knight Hunters group had anything to do with this series.
The show writers seem to delight in putting the Ducks through every sort of situation, both possible and impossible. Dinosaurs, misguided super heroes, energy creatures, parallel universes (one an alternate future, the other magical), mutants, giant snakes, shape shifting Saurians, thieves, evil mad scientists, wizards/sorcerers, inept "ninjas" with a giant "super laser", clay golems, homunculi, reprogrammed bounty hunter robots, and publicity stunts from hell are just some of the things that the Ducks've had to face. And somehow, throughout all of it, they only missed one game all season. Add in the various parodies throughout the series (does everyone do the Maltese Falcon?) and it's a wonder that they didn't all go insane by episode five.
Nosedive has taken this pandemonium particularly well and has adjusted to Earth faster than the others, almost instantaneously gaining years of knowledge about the USA's popular culture in a matter of a few episodes. (Mostly because the writers were retarded like that, but hey, it's canon. Sorta like how he woke up from a concussion and wasn't even the slightest bit groggy; that's canon too.) The teenage mallard is by far the youngest member of the team but he never cuts himself any slack. Above anything, Nosedive yearns to prove himself and to be an asset to the team. His sharp shooting, mechanical skills, ability to keep his cool in a bad situation, and upbeat attitude have helped him to this end. Nosedive's mechanical skills are little talked about by many of the fans but since he is capable of teaching himself how to operate almost any vehicle (including their space vehicle) in a short amount of time and added some alterations to a vehicle of his own, they obviously exist. However, despite this, Nosedive does suffer from the occassional klutzy moment, bout of impatience, or just a simple blonde moment. Nosedive has actually convinced many people that he is downright stupid with his sarcastic attitude, love of stating the obvious, and constant pranking but that could be only farther from the truth. His constant snark actually tends to use a large variety of words and sometimes he even dips into Spanish, although there is no real indication where he picked that up.
Even after being through the Saurians' work camps with his brother, Nosedive has never shown any signs of depression or anxiety. In fact, his brother seems to have more self-confidence issues as the leader of the team than Nosedive has ever shown. Because of their experiences together, Nosedive and his older brother Wildwing share a very close bond. Before they were rescued from the work camps they only had each other but now their pseudo-family has grown to include the entire team. Nosedive sometimes drags out his teammates to the movies (Godzilla types, mostly) and the like, possibly because he knows they need to get out more. (Sadly, the only other Duck with human friends seems to be the geek-type girl on the team, Tanya. The others seem to try to avoid them for the most part.)
While Nosedive isn't particularly fond of all humans because of a few bad experiences, he has a couple good human friends. Trash and Mookie share his love for video games, comics (they work at a comic shop), and have even helped the Ducks win against a villain or two. He sometimes tells them about some of the stranger things that have happened to him, which tends to amuse them (and so they forgive him if his stories might sometimes get lengthy). Because of his near instantaneous friendship with the two teenagers, Nosedive's willing to give new people (even humans) the benefit of the doubt.
And as a last note: yes, unlike owls, ducks do have a sense of smell, and Nosedive has constantly reiterated that throughout the series. The ducks also come from an ice planet, so winter in the USA would be considered little more than just a tad bit chilly.
By intensely thorough scientific experimentation, I have proven that at least one duck can climb trees. Very fast. Reaaaally fast if there's zombies going "brains, braiinzz!!One!11" on his tail feathers. And I really hope that isn't the norm here but what are the chances this has ever happened to anyone else? I mean, c'mon! This totally can't be an everyday thing here, can it? I mean, if it was, this camp would be completely crazy, man!
This camp isn't exactly what I had in mind for an "Extreme Winter Sports" camp. We've definitely gotten the "Extreme" covered, and maybe "Winter Sports" too if you're sick in the head. I'd think about panicking if the zombies here weren't so incredibly stupid. Maybe later if I feel my interest waning and teenage apathy setting in.
Still not exactly sure where "here" is, though, or how I even got here. Well, obviously I was kidnapped. I'm more interested in the where than the who or the why, though, since I don't want to have to sit through another villain's five minute ramble about how they're going to use my DNA, superior technology, good looks, and etc. to take over the world. Man, that sorta stuff gets old after the first fifty times or so.
All I know about this place right now isn't much. I never even got to read the welcoming letter on the bus before something knocked me out. There's no lump on the back of my head anymore where they hit me, though, and that kinda makes me worry how long I was unconscious.
What I do know is when I woke up, I found myself lying across some sort of counter top with my backpack digging painfully into my back. I lied there and tried to find out more before showing I was awake but then I heard some words that were, without a doubt, creepy: "a new twist to a great oldie--BEER CAN DUCK!" But when I opened my eyes and saw the gray skin and matted hair and Chef hat, I knew I was really in for a doozy.
When I turned my head the other way, I found myself staring at a live audience (if you'll excuse the pun) full of zombies. It was at this point that I came to the only possible conclusion: I was, somehow, to become the featured dish on a southern zombie cooking show. And if there was any chance for me to escape becoming the new dinner party fad, I would somehow have to escape both the frying pan and the oven.
Luckily, an ample distraction provided itself only a few inches from my hand. I more smelt it than saw it, some sort of glass bowl filled with fresh brains (they were small, probably rats or something... ew). So this left me wondering, "Gee, what would happen if I chucked this out into the audience?" So, in the name of science, I vowed to discover the truth.
And then the brains flew into the audience which promptly stampeded over itself to get them. I had no idea that zombies could move that fast when motivated, although it was funny to watch. The Chef's own audience even ate him when he tried to get the body parts back. I suppose it was only fitting that his hat had the Fox Network logo on it. Another show cancelled, although that cancellation was harsher than most.
While they were all distracted, I slid off the counter top and exited, stage left. Then immediately went to exit stage right instead, 'cause stage left was flooded with the stage hands wanting to take a bite out of the action. Unfortunately, on the way toward the heavenly red light of the nearest exit sign, a group of security guard zombies spotted me and eventually chased me into this tree. They're still there, too.
I wonder if they're as gullible as the audience was? Well, I'm going to try to convince them that the sticky evergreen tree there has bark made out of brains. If it works, I'll have the chance to make a break for camp. Even if I can stay out here all night, I'd much rather be inside before I find out what other surprises this camp has in store for me!
Poll Vote!
Character: Martina Zoana Mel Navratilova
Series: Slayers NEXT
Age: Less than 20
Canon: Martina is from Slayers NEXT. The staring
cast, Lina, Amelia, Gourry, Zelgadis and Xelloss are searching for
copies of a magical tome called the Clair Bible, but it's usually
found in pieces.
Martina is an obsessive, arrogant princess of the Kingdom of Xoana,
which is destroyed by Lina in Episode 1. She spends much of her time
trying to ruin Lina, but because of her clumsiness, she only ends up a
nuisance. Martina has made up and VERY strongly believes in a Dark God
named Zoamel Gustav. She frequently asks Zoamel Gustav for advice, and
will answer for him as well. Her belief is so strong that she is able
to create curses and such. She easily falls in love, and has held
crushes on Zelgadis, Gourry, and Xelloss. This Martina is still in her
current infatuation with Xelloss, and though she likes to help him
seek the Clair Bible for the sole reason of being by his side, she has
no idea what it is.
Oh, Zoamel Gustav... The things I do for love.
Despite the fact that my darling Xelloss-sama (who unfortunately had
taken leave earlier...Why on Earth didn't he take me with
him?!) CLEARLY AND ELOQUENTLY said that the temple holding a piece of
that Clair watchamacallit Bible thing was due south past - some -
mountain, that FOOL Lina and her band of...also-fools, headed west!
And when I very politely and diplomatically corrected their
grave error, they ignored me! ME! I knew right then and there that
only your glorious wrath would show those heathens the way!!
So I swiftly moved to strike that small-chested annoyance with the
might of a thousand of your curses, but that wench had the NERVE to
dodge! How base! After a few similar attempts, I decided that I
should be merciful. The more time spent on smiting the ignorant, the
less time I can have to be faithful to my dear Xelloss-sama! Please
forgive me, my lord.
Following My Beloved's instructions, I headed due south past the
mountain, confident that I would find the Clair Bible thing. And, four
dedicated hours of walking later, I stumbled upon my current location.
And I have to say that it is indeed the strangest temple that I have
come across. Its area is in general disarray; I suppose it has
something to do with the death of the proprietor's fiance, according
to the post on the entrance. Or perhaps it's because of those
disgusting undead creatures wandering aimlessly... surely commoners
would have better things to do in their death! But this matters not!
My lovely Xelloss-sama is looking for this precious Clair Bible thing
somewhere in this dreadful place, and I certainly won't leave until I
find him.
VIVA ZOAMEL GUSTAV!
Poll Vote!
Character: Brock Slate
Series: Pokemon official site pokemopolis
Age: ...17? 18? (around there)
Canon: Brock is the leader of the Pewter City gym, but his true dream is to be a pokemon breeder. The oldest of 10 and with two deadbeat parents, Brock has become pretty accustomed to taking care of others. When he joins Ash and Misty on their journey, he falls easily into the mother older brother-role, cooking, cleaning, and keeping them from getting too lost (with dubious success). Brock is also a bit of a casanova, or so he seems to think... While he seems to fall for almost any girl who's hit puberty, for some reason the girls seem somewhat spooked by the marriage proposals from someone they've only known for a few moments. Go figure. Brock is a bit of a spaz at times, but he's a good guy to have in your corner (unless there's a pretty girl around...)
Camp! Camp! Camp! Yes, you may think a pokemon journey isn't all that different, but that just means you aren't paying attention:
Camp -> lake -> swimsuits -> girls in swimsuits -> happiness ♥
I was wandering around the camp, trying to find my cabin or the aforementioned lake (and hopefully the aforementioned girls in swimsuits), but I think I mixed up the directions I was given at camp orientation--though I admit, I gave a lot more attention to the beautiful and melodic voice of the lovely, mature woman giving the brief introduction than to the actual content of her speech. I was about to whip out the charm and introduce myself to her a second time (since she hadn't really seemed impressed the first time) when suddenly I was alone in the middle of the woods somewhere. ...Huh. Well, no big deal, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and no one can say I'm picky about fish!
...Somehow that doesn't sound quite right.
Eh, whatever. I never found the lake, though I did see some other...things...in the woods around camp. Assuming they're pokemon (and I'm not sure what to think if they aren't), they look to be combination ghost-fighting types? I'd have to do some battling to be sure, but I don't really want to...they smell funny and I'm not really a fan of ghost-types... Still, studying their breeding habits shouldn't be that hard, since there seem to be quite a few of them around the camp. And they seem to be pretty friendly; a couple of them immediately shambled up to me to say hi. Now, as a pokemon breeder, I'm pretty familiar with ways different types of pokemon show affection, like some pokemon 'talk' to you, and others sniff your hand or lick your face. These things bite into your flesh, and chew. Don't get me wrong, I've never been against a good bite in the right context (wink wink nudge nudge hurr hurr), but I don't really believe in taking that much of a hands-on role in pokemon breeding...
Anyway, I called out Lombre, and eventually we were able to get the zombie...pokemon...whatever they were off me with liberal use of water gun, but...um...ow. I wonder if there's a Nurse Joy around? Her smiling face is enough to heal any wound! And that would be great, since I can't really feel my arm anymore. ...I don't think that I really like those zombie pokemon things. But I'm not going to let one little episode rain on my parade. There's still weeks of fun to look forward to! Camp! Girls! Yeah!
Poll Vote!
Character: Harry Potter
Series: Harry Potter (books)
Age: 16
Canon: If you don't know who Harry Potter is, I seriously worry about you. But if you don't, I'll throw you a bone. Harry Potter is, for the most part, a completely average teenage boy with a pretty average personality. There are, however, some important things that make him stand out.
1. He's a wizard. 2. His parents were murdered by Lord Voldemort when he was one, and was almost murdered himself, except the spell backfired and he escaped with just a scar. 3. He's famous for causing Voldemort's almost-death. 4. Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry every year or so. 5. Sometimes, other people try to kill him as well. 6. HE HAS CAPS LOCK RAGE. 7. He has an insufferable desire to be a hero, which does lead to death on some occasions. 8. Really, really hates Lord Voldemort, and wants to kill him. 9. I ALREADY MENTIONED THE RAGE, RIGHT? 10. Would do anything for his friends, especially Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.
And that does sum him up pretty well. This app is set after the end of the 6th book (Half-Blood Prince) but contains no major spoilers for it.
Notes: an Inferi is pretty much the Harry Potter equivalent of zombie, a Muggle is a non-magic person, floo powder takes you places via chimneys and Voldemort = Tom Riddle.
I've never liked floo powder.
Apart from all the spinning, burning, and smacking facedown into the floor when you arrive, it never sends me where I want to go. I think it took me seriously when I yelled, "Bloody hell!" after stepping on a hot coal, because this… definitely isn't Diagon Alley. Or Knockturn Alley. Not even England. Although it might be Hagrid's backyard.
Oh, wait. Camp… Fuck You Die, was it? Must be America then. Although I'm not sure if it's a muggle camp or a magic camp. It's hard to tell with the mix of stuff here. Tentacle monsters in the lake, normal; moving corpses, normal; people flying on broomsticks… normal but they're not usually green, I think, except on really windy days when they've just had too much lunch or they're Ron on Quidditch day.. Purple gorillas, n-
NOT normal, but I've seen weirder.
Can't be a wizarding camp though, no one's mobbed me for an autograph yet. But if it's a muggle camp, then they've got some brilliant special effects here, because those Inferi zombies are really… realistic. And I think I'm going to back away from those now. Especially since my magic is, er… not working on them. I don't know why, and I'd really rather not figure out why, because it'll end up being something nasty and connected to Voldemort, although that might be a bonus. It would explain an awful lot--
--except these gorillas what the hell do you THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT DON'T YOU SHOVE THAT DOWN MY--
…
Hermione would be so proud if she knew I remembered all twenty-seven jinxes for countering molestation and used them all in succession.
Right, well, this has been really great and all. I love nothing more than, er, getting almost violated by weird animals. Makes my day complete. But I have important stuff to do back home, and I can't do it here. Since, well, the other person I need to finish the job wouldn't be here, of all places.
I mean, Voldemort isn't going to kill himself.
Poll Vote!