(no subject)
New round of apps, aaaaand we're not done with weeding yet. Sorry! We'll be done with that in a couple days, as usual. Also, counselor app guidelines will be announced shortly.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- ... and if the poll gives you an error, try refreshing? It just flutzed on me, wtf.
Now VOTE. Closed~.
Character: Shinji Ikari
Series: Neon Genesis Evangelion (Anime) (Wiki on Shinji Ikari, wiki on Neon Genesis Evangelion)
Age: 14
Canon: The "Evangelion" of the title of this series relates to the series of battle robots that are controlled by fourteen year old pilots using a synethic shared nervous system. Shinji is the third such pilot and as such is referred to as the "Third Child". Part of piloting an Evangelion means that he has to stay near the headquarters where the Evangelions (or Evas) are kept, and so he stays with Misato Katsuragi (the Operations Chief for the Eva Project). Misato becomes Shinji's mother figure in the series. His father, Gendo Ikari, runs the organisation that controls the Evas and forces Shinji to pilot a Eva.
Shinji himself is a nervous individual who suffers from both social phobia and avoidant personality disorder. Having been abandoned by his father at the age of four, he hates his father but is desperate for his approval. Shinji drowns out the world by playing music through his tape player constantly, he is abrupt and closed off to people, he has a tendency to overreact to situations ("IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" is one of his catchphrases) and he is utterly convinced that his only worth comes from piloting an Eva. A lonely, isolated individual, he feels cut off from the other pilots and craves someone to like him for being Shinji, rather than being the Third Child.
Note: Shinji is being taken mid-series, and definitely before episode 24. The Asuka mentioned is Asuka Langley Sohryu, a fiery, bossy and antagonistic pilot who has an American father and a German-Japanese mother and gets along with Shinji like a house on fire (flames, sirens, people screaming in the night -- you get the idea).
If this is what America is like, it explains so much about Asuka.
Misato? You said once that I shouldn't have my headphones up so loud because I'll do damage to my ears. I can't see that being a problem anymore, what with my life about to end in about five minutes. I don't know what's worse, the toucans using their beaks to flip though a book called "Cooking Humans in Four Easy Steps" or the fact that they have minions. Zombie minions who seem to be discussing how to get me to fit in the microwaves, no less.
Why doesn't my tape player go any louder? I don't want to hear this! My Evangelion's over the other side of the world, I can't do anything and I don't know how I got here! All I have is Ayanami's report about the Eemoh Disease -- and the only crawling under the skin I get is from the idea that they're going to eat me! I don't want to hear this, but I mustn't run away, someone help me please.
I can't say I care for the suggestions for injecting me with the...Ghei Disease? There's something really, really wrong about a group of toucans debating whether you'd taste better with breasts or not. Why would you even consider tha-
Oh God, they heard me. Oh God, oh God, oh God, you son of a bitch don't come near me someone help me please!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kohaku
Series: Tsukihime
Age: 18
Canon: Kohaku is the older half of twin sisters who act as maids for the rich Tohno family. At first glance, Kohaku is cheerful, and very upbeat. Always speaking cutely, and happily attending to her work with a smile. ...But the truth is, this is all a facade. Her smiles and good cheer are completely false emotions, hiding a deep obsession with revenge against the family she serves. The reasons being that she was abused by them when she was a child living there. Kohaku has no qualms with using any means to achieve her goals, including poisoning, controlling others through the use of hallucinogens (which she knows how to create because of her training as a doctor), intentionally deceiving those who would be kind to her, giving people the means to kill others, provoking others into killing, etc. (The one exception is using her sister, Hisui, who she wants to keep apart from all of her madness.) Deep down though, she's not a truly evil person. But she's been deceiving herself and others for such a long time, she knows no other way to live.
She wears an oriental style kimono, and is rarely seen without her traditional Japanese broom in her hand (partially because she hides a sword in it).
Gooooooood evening, cute ladies and elegant gentlemen! This maid is humbly referred to as Kohaku! I'm eighteen years old, my blood type is type A, and my hobby is video games (my favorite is House of the Dead... don't tell anyone!!). My skills are cooking, cleaning, and anything related to traditional Japanese culture. If you need a koto player, origami lesson, tea ceremony mistress, or hara kiri go partner, look no further! Please be nice to me!
I can see I arrived none too soon. How messy! Torsos, limbs, and intestines... oh my! And that's just the kitchen! This cute and devoted maid doesn't know where to begin! But, hmm... Maybe...
That's not blood all over the floor... it's spilled red wine! And those entrails someone could carelessly trip and fall in to? It's all the cooking ingredients I've been buying today! A-ha ha... my arms were so tired from carrying them such a long way, I spilled such a large amount of them! But even if it's spoiled already, I know the perfect herbs that'll mask the taste, and with so much food in stock, everyone will be eating happily for months! Kohaku is too smart! ♥
Ara-ra? Elegant Gentleman, sir, don't you know better than to come in doors without wiping your feet? You're only tracking in more red wine! My broom will always have that flavor at this rate! You've made me so mad! Uwaaaah!
...Falling-apart Gentleman? There's no need to lose your head over something so simple as a slap to the face. Men should take the traditional feminine punishment with a smile! A maid's cooking area is very delicate, after all, and if anyone were allowed to just disturb all of the cooking utensils I had set out to use, I'd never be able to stop cleaning-- Headless Gentleman, sir! By all accounts, shouldn't your head being separated from your body have killed you by now? It's very rude to ignore a decapitation, even unintentional!
...Ah, could it possibly be, this camp has something of a Zombie Panic?
Oh, what a beautifully complicated problem for this maid to deal with! I can expand my repertoire from dealing with virtual to real life Zombie Madness! (This cute maid has a killer aim, you know!) Uwee hee! I'm going to have so much to do here, almost as much back at home! But first, that recipe-- Put the delicious meat on the board... meat tastes so much better after it's tenderized! Ooh, don't forget to make a sauce...
Kohaku's Pot Roast Surprise, with tangy red wine sauce (type O, I think), will be ready at 6:00 pm! Don't miss the nice dinner I'm cooking for all of you! ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Eric Cartman
Series: South Park
Age: 8
Canon: South Park centers around the adventures of four boys from a redneck mountain town, and Eric Cartman is the fat bastard of the group. Cartman enjoys the simple things in life: money, food, racism, and deriving sadistic pleasure from the suffering of others. The other boys aren't even quite sure why they hang out with him in the first place. He's a conniving sociopath, always coming up with schemes that seem stupid, but usually tend to work. He's still a naive little mama's boy who likes candy and dollies and singing along to Styx, but don't cross him, or he'll make you eat your parents.
Okay, you over there with the thing stickin' outta your skull that looks kinda like a poofball? You can be Zombie Stan! And you with the missing head, you can be Zombie Kyle! And you, twitching, leftover torso-thing... you look like you'd be poor, so you can be Zombie Kenny! There! You're already way cooler than my real friends! God, I hate those guys.
Now guys, don't go chewing on Zombie Kyle's decapitated head just because he's a Zombie Jew and he probably laughed when he was crucifying Zombie Jesus! 'Cause I've learned something today: It doesn't matter whether your skin is black or green or cracked open and dripping pus, or even if you are a filthy Jew! When it comes down to it, you're all my zombie slaves! Don't you think you should put aside your differences and do my bidding like good little Undead Americans?
Awesome. I'm glad you see it that way. Now go forth, my minions, and take the camp! GOTT MIT UNS! HEIL CARTMA-HEY! Those're my brains! MY! BRAINS! That is a BAD ZOMBIE! BAD ZOMBIE! Respect my authoritah!
Jesus Christ, you people are only like the worst minions ever. Okay, okay, so you don't wanna take the camp and make me ten million dollars. I'm cool with that. I guess. But couldn't you at least, I dunno, make me a sandwich or something? I don't have to hang out with you dirty, hippie-smelling corpses, you know.
NO, ZOMBIE KYLE, I DON'T WANT TO SUCK THE BRAINS FROM YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD. I want hot wings! Pizza! Fried chicken! Pie! Es ist Zeit für Piiiiiiie!!
Goddamnit. Who the hell knew that zombie slaves could suck so much ass? I'm never coming to summer camp in the middle of January again.
Poll Vote!
Character: Houjo Haruto
Series: Haunted Junction
Age: 16-17
Canon: First, a short summary: Haunted Junction is at Saitoh High. The kids of three religious groups have been made into the Holy Student Council. Houjo Haruto is the son of a minister, and unlike the others has virtually no spiritual powers! I don't know if the access to holy water from his bathroom really counts. The council is supposed to take care of the school and it's spirits. Haruto was tricked into becoming the president of the council, and he hates it, because he wants to be normal and do normal things (and goes on about it incessantly.)
Haruto wants to be a normal guy, but he's torn between this dream and his obligations as the president. He's a nice guy who likes to help, but he freaks out at weird stuff. He can also take things WAY too seriously. Other details: he nosebleeds at naked women and wants to go to classes even though he doesn't have to. He's also not terribly religious - he wears a cross and prays sometimes but he usually expresses his devotion to God by exclaming "Oh my God" near the end of each episode (a "Jesus Christ!" is not unheard of.) Also: the chairman of the school is one of the 7 School Spirits, and he is an avid collector of occult items (including but not limited to entire schools) and he enjoys scaring Haruto and making his life a living HELL. ♥
Are you there God? It's me, Haruto.
I know I haven't been the best follower of the Church's teachings, and I'm sure you have some master plan for all of this - but would it be too much to ask for you to HURRY IT UP A LITTLE? I don't know how much more I can take of this! First, the school? Now this? I don't know if this is as bad but it's still terrible!
Isn't summer camp supposed to be a normal, happy time in a person's life, where they can go, play and learn with other normal people? Why am I stuck on this laptop instead of out being one with nature? Why did I get a gun? I'm the President of the HOLY STUDENT COUNCIL, I deal with ghosts; I don't kill things. No. Because they're supposed to already BE DEAD.
I just want to be normal! Live a normal life! Go to normal school! Attend normal classes! Do normal things like normal boys! So I tried. First, I decided to make friendship bracelets! Because it's normal to meet and make friends at camp! The beads are kind of misshapen though. I don't know what exactly they're made of. Not to mention that it was VERY hard for me to find anything except dark red. I haven't seen many people around, so I gave it to the skeleton sitting outside the Arts and Crafts hut. It's only my first one, I'm sure I'll get the chance to make more! I was about 5 steps away before the skeleton got up and started Cossack dancing, and really? That's just as wrong here as it is at home!
THEN! When I decided to take a canoe out (since I think that's what people would normally do at a camp), I was trying to find some oars in the shed and... and... I got this weird ooze all over my clothes and it won't come off. It feels like raw cookie dough but it's moving. It's moving. So I decided not to go out on the lake after all! I'm sure there's something else that's normal to do around here? Isn't there? Please!
I bet that the Chairman has bought this weird camp to put it in his OCCULT COLLECTION. Why God, why? Why do you let him do these crazy, horrible things! Especially to me? If I'm going to suffer, I'd rather do it in my own neighborhood, thank you very much! I guess I'm going to end up staying here so I should officially register or something. There's a director, isn't there? I thought I saw something about that in the brochure. At the very least, the Chairman gave me that.
Oh, excuse me? Is this where I'm supposed to check in to camp? Oh, ah, my name is Houjo Haruto! ...So I just need to sign now? Could I borrow a pen? Oh?
...my finger?
In ...blood?
OH MY GOD.
Poll Vote!
Character: Takino Tomo
Series: Azumanga Daioh
Age: 17
Canon: Tomo is hyperactive, noisy, rude, careless, lazy, big-mouthed, self-absorbed, hyper-competitive, egotistical, common-sense-lacking, and occasionally a bit cruel. Despite her obsession with "winning" everything, she has no outstanding skills at all, and thus is no actual competition for her more gifted classmates, especially the super-rich child prodigy Chiyo-chan. And as energetic as she is, it's a very rare occasion when Tomo actually, you know, puts any effort into anything. In physical competition, she gives it her all, but lacks the natural talent and focus to win; in academics, she has the ability to do very well if she puts her mind to it and studies, but only resorts to that as a last-ditch effort (and only if she knows it'll piss somebody off). And as far as a bodacious bod goes, she rather got the short end of that stick, which may explain her mild obsession with the breasts of other girls. (Maybe.)
More than anything else, Tomo just wants to be liked. Well, worshiped, really; her fantasies tend to involve men and women throwing themselves at her feet in deference to her beauty and heroism, usually at the expense and misery of her loved ones. Her philosophy in life can be summed up with "Eh, it'll probably all work out for me just fine no matter what I do!" Her friendships are tinged with mutual antagonism, and her motivation for doing well is almost always "Because I knew it would make someone else feel bad," but eventually people learn to accept her as simply Tomo, and try not to think too hard about her peculiar brand of Tomo-logic. In her downtime, Tomo can usually be found challenging people, screaming, running around idiotically, misunderstanding simple concepts, and spouting strange non sequiturs.
This app is for Tomo after she graduates high school; the differences between her and Tomo at the beginning of the series pretty much consist of "Well, uh, I GUESS she's three years older?" I'm also following ADV's lead and leaving Chiyo's honorific intact.
Super Winter Competition 2006: Having a Better Semester than Chiyo-chan! Chiyo-chan, you may have thought that coming to an American university would save you from losing to me, but alas! I, Takino Tomo, have arrived in the West, and I do solemnly swear that I will have more fun than you!
Ahhhhhhh, summer camp! See, someone of lesser intellect than moi might be confused by the fact that it's actually winter, but not I! I already knew that everything's backwards in America, because it's on the other side of the world from Japan. Elementary, my dear Watson! And being so far from home, it's the perfect place for a super-famous and talented girl like me to do some good deeds and have a blast! I'm going to swim across the lake in record time, even if it's frozen! I'll wrestle a crocodile and tame it, and name it Fujiko! I'll solve the murder case in less than a week--that's the Tomo Guarantee. And after I do, the Director will free you all and throw herself upon my mercy! "Ohhhh, Tomo~! How could I have raised my hand against one as gorgeous and brilliant as you? Please, spirit me away from this place, and we shall all live in peace!" "It was nothing, my good lady!," I'll reply in my flawless English, as the crowd adorns me with wreaths of fresh flowers! Yeeeep, it's only a matter of time. Days! Hours!
Zombies? Pshaw! Don't worry about something like that! I just happen to know exactly how to deal with zombies. A little chit-chat will smooth over aaaany misunderstanding, mark my words! Let's see, Louisiana, huh? That has the French Quarter, right? So clearly these are French zombies! See, there's your problem, people. Duh. You're not talking to 'em right. Well, ain't it lucky for you that good old Tomo here just happens to know French? Yep, you people really lucked out, getting a friend like me! Let's see, French . . . um, French . . . crap, how does that song go? Ah! I got it!
You there, Mister Zombie! Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
. . .
--Super Winter Competition 2006, Number Two! Beating the Horny Zombies in a Footrace! Call the police!
Poll Vote!
Character: Gene Starwind
Series: Outlaw Star
Age: 20
Canon: Only one thing can be said about boys: boys can dream. Gene Starwind was a boy with a dream; a dream of space. The problem is that he lives in a universe where there are four major powers: the Space Forces, the Ctarl-Ctarl Empire, the Pirates, and the Outlaws. An Outlaw’s defining characteristic is their ignorance of pretty much everything but their own freedom and dreams; these guys have everything from bar shootouts to their own little honor system. Gene Starwind was taught by his now-dead father to pilot ships; one pirate attack later, Gene finds himself growing up planet-bound, dreaming of returning to space with his own ship, but battling a disabling fear of actually being in space.
Gene has grown up to be a foul-mouthed, drinking, womanizing jack-of-all trades; he considers himself a true Outlaw, as he is now the captain of a stolen ship that everyone wants to steal back from him- the XGP15A-II, otherwise named the Outlaw Star. The outlaw is hot-headed and irresponsible, preferring to solve his problems with his wide variety of guns, his “trump,” if anything, being the rare but powerful Caster gun. In any case, he’s usually laid-back, with
a decent balance of stupidity, ingenuity, determination, and ego. He spends most of his time trying to earn enough money just to keep his ship running, but he’s also promised a crewmember to search for a legendary thing called the Galactic Leyline (which, it turns out, is mostly just a big drug trip).
…Yanno, I was pretty sure this is where I parked the ship. Instead, I get to the landing site, and there’s just this tiny model of the ship made out of oatmeal containers-and to top it off, some wiseass wrote “XGP15B-III, the Oatlaw Star” on the side. Yeah, that’s real funny.
Dammit, and this Director lady was supposed to be another safe client! I checked her out, and everything. I certainly thought she looked fine. This was going to be a simple job! Go in, grab the goods, get out, get paid. Why is it all the simple jobs that are the ones that go horribly, horribly wrong? I hate how all the clients that are supposed to be safe turn around and stab me in the back just when I’ve finished the job! There’s some real weird shit here, too. And I’m not just talking Tao magic weird, like those pirates use, or anything like that, either.
Actually there’s no pirates here at all, except for that little tentacle thing with the pirate hat, though there are plenty of hot babes. And an onsen, on top of it all! I’m definitely glad I brought my video camera, cuz there’s nothing here that could be so great a threat I couldn’t go down there! Sure, there’s these creepy zombie things, and those gorillas-and I think I saw my first crocodile…and I don’t even have any Caster shells left…
But that’s not a problem! There’s good food, and no Outlaw’s going to go down to some bunch of gangly, half-rotten freaks like those zombies.
…A “no sex” rule? Shit! …Dammit! Gah, don’t mess with me, Director! No measly camp like this can hold an Outlaw!
Poll Vote!
Character: Chie Hallard
Series: My-Otome
Age: Exact age unknown, second year student--16-18?
Canon: Haven’t you always wanted your own well trained,
powerful warrior-maid? The kind with nanomachines to make them better,
faster, stronger? That’s an Otome. The only catch is that they can’t have
sex with men, or the machines will be destroyed. Luckily... that doesn’t
seem to be too much of a problem for Chie. The number two
Pearl--upperclassmen--at Garderobe Academy, Chie is tomboyish, playful,
sometimes smug, and seems fond of flirting with, or at least teasing, her
juniors. She’s also friendly, helpful, and sympathetic when circumstances
call for it. Of the top three Pearls, who take on some of the
responsibility for managing the students, she’s arguably the most accessible
to the underclassmen. Not much is known about her motivations for joining
the Academy, or her goals. For people who are used to Chie’s
characterization in My-HiME, Otome’s incarnation is a little different;
smoother, less gossipy, stronger, and more likely to be making passes at
girls.
I wonder if I might be able to borrow one or two of you cute campers for a
few moments. It would be incredibly helpful to me if I could. I came out
this way following the signal of an unauthorized materialization, but now
there’s no sign of it. Has anything strange appeared in the area
recently...?
Or...
Perhaps I should word that a bit differently, shouldn’t I? It seems there
are plenty of strange things still appearing around here. It might
be that you could have materializations and not even know it. If I ever saw
somewhere that could, this would be the place. I’m looking for something
big and unnatural, a little like a machine, a little like an animal?
I believe Meister Haruka got here before me. If she’s already taken care of
it, then that would probably be for the best all around. I wouldn’t mind
asking her about it, either way. If she hasn’t handled it already, I could
offer my help. I haven’t seen anything here that a Meister wouldn’t be able
to handle easily enough--but you guys certainly have a lot of it, don’t you?
Maybe the Onee-sama has had her hands full?
I must have come somewhere very remote for this sort of thing to be
happening without Garderobe knowing about it. Monsters and zombies and
dictators, oh my.
Quite remote indeed. I can’t say I’m not curious about this all. Maybe
someone would tell me more about it over coffee before I leave? I hope
that’s not too much to ask for, at least. From the right lips, even an ugly
beast in a lake out at the far end of nowhere must become a pleasant topic
for conversation. I’m sure it’s been very hard on all of you, too. Talking
about it might be good for you.
Well, my lovely young ladies and gentlemen, I am Chie Hallard, and it is my
pleasure to be at your service.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- ... and if the poll gives you an error, try refreshing? It just flutzed on me, wtf.
Now VOTE. Closed~.
Character: Shinji Ikari
Series: Neon Genesis Evangelion (Anime) (Wiki on Shinji Ikari, wiki on Neon Genesis Evangelion)
Age: 14
Canon: The "Evangelion" of the title of this series relates to the series of battle robots that are controlled by fourteen year old pilots using a synethic shared nervous system. Shinji is the third such pilot and as such is referred to as the "Third Child". Part of piloting an Evangelion means that he has to stay near the headquarters where the Evangelions (or Evas) are kept, and so he stays with Misato Katsuragi (the Operations Chief for the Eva Project). Misato becomes Shinji's mother figure in the series. His father, Gendo Ikari, runs the organisation that controls the Evas and forces Shinji to pilot a Eva.
Shinji himself is a nervous individual who suffers from both social phobia and avoidant personality disorder. Having been abandoned by his father at the age of four, he hates his father but is desperate for his approval. Shinji drowns out the world by playing music through his tape player constantly, he is abrupt and closed off to people, he has a tendency to overreact to situations ("IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" is one of his catchphrases) and he is utterly convinced that his only worth comes from piloting an Eva. A lonely, isolated individual, he feels cut off from the other pilots and craves someone to like him for being Shinji, rather than being the Third Child.
Note: Shinji is being taken mid-series, and definitely before episode 24. The Asuka mentioned is Asuka Langley Sohryu, a fiery, bossy and antagonistic pilot who has an American father and a German-Japanese mother and gets along with Shinji like a house on fire (flames, sirens, people screaming in the night -- you get the idea).
If this is what America is like, it explains so much about Asuka.
Misato? You said once that I shouldn't have my headphones up so loud because I'll do damage to my ears. I can't see that being a problem anymore, what with my life about to end in about five minutes. I don't know what's worse, the toucans using their beaks to flip though a book called "Cooking Humans in Four Easy Steps" or the fact that they have minions. Zombie minions who seem to be discussing how to get me to fit in the microwaves, no less.
Why doesn't my tape player go any louder? I don't want to hear this! My Evangelion's over the other side of the world, I can't do anything and I don't know how I got here! All I have is Ayanami's report about the Eemoh Disease -- and the only crawling under the skin I get is from the idea that they're going to eat me! I don't want to hear this, but I mustn't run away, someone help me please.
I can't say I care for the suggestions for injecting me with the...Ghei Disease? There's something really, really wrong about a group of toucans debating whether you'd taste better with breasts or not. Why would you even consider tha-
Oh God, they heard me. Oh God, oh God, oh God, you son of a bitch don't come near me someone help me please!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kohaku
Series: Tsukihime
Age: 18
Canon: Kohaku is the older half of twin sisters who act as maids for the rich Tohno family. At first glance, Kohaku is cheerful, and very upbeat. Always speaking cutely, and happily attending to her work with a smile. ...But the truth is, this is all a facade. Her smiles and good cheer are completely false emotions, hiding a deep obsession with revenge against the family she serves. The reasons being that she was abused by them when she was a child living there. Kohaku has no qualms with using any means to achieve her goals, including poisoning, controlling others through the use of hallucinogens (which she knows how to create because of her training as a doctor), intentionally deceiving those who would be kind to her, giving people the means to kill others, provoking others into killing, etc. (The one exception is using her sister, Hisui, who she wants to keep apart from all of her madness.) Deep down though, she's not a truly evil person. But she's been deceiving herself and others for such a long time, she knows no other way to live.
She wears an oriental style kimono, and is rarely seen without her traditional Japanese broom in her hand (partially because she hides a sword in it).
Gooooooood evening, cute ladies and elegant gentlemen! This maid is humbly referred to as Kohaku! I'm eighteen years old, my blood type is type A, and my hobby is video games (my favorite is House of the Dead... don't tell anyone!!). My skills are cooking, cleaning, and anything related to traditional Japanese culture. If you need a koto player, origami lesson, tea ceremony mistress, or hara kiri go partner, look no further! Please be nice to me!
I can see I arrived none too soon. How messy! Torsos, limbs, and intestines... oh my! And that's just the kitchen! This cute and devoted maid doesn't know where to begin! But, hmm... Maybe...
That's not blood all over the floor... it's spilled red wine! And those entrails someone could carelessly trip and fall in to? It's all the cooking ingredients I've been buying today! A-ha ha... my arms were so tired from carrying them such a long way, I spilled such a large amount of them! But even if it's spoiled already, I know the perfect herbs that'll mask the taste, and with so much food in stock, everyone will be eating happily for months! Kohaku is too smart! ♥
Ara-ra? Elegant Gentleman, sir, don't you know better than to come in doors without wiping your feet? You're only tracking in more red wine! My broom will always have that flavor at this rate! You've made me so mad! Uwaaaah!
...Falling-apart Gentleman? There's no need to lose your head over something so simple as a slap to the face. Men should take the traditional feminine punishment with a smile! A maid's cooking area is very delicate, after all, and if anyone were allowed to just disturb all of the cooking utensils I had set out to use, I'd never be able to stop cleaning-- Headless Gentleman, sir! By all accounts, shouldn't your head being separated from your body have killed you by now? It's very rude to ignore a decapitation, even unintentional!
...Ah, could it possibly be, this camp has something of a Zombie Panic?
Oh, what a beautifully complicated problem for this maid to deal with! I can expand my repertoire from dealing with virtual to real life Zombie Madness! (This cute maid has a killer aim, you know!) Uwee hee! I'm going to have so much to do here, almost as much back at home! But first, that recipe-- Put the delicious meat on the board... meat tastes so much better after it's tenderized! Ooh, don't forget to make a sauce...
Kohaku's Pot Roast Surprise, with tangy red wine sauce (type O, I think), will be ready at 6:00 pm! Don't miss the nice dinner I'm cooking for all of you! ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Eric Cartman
Series: South Park
Age: 8
Canon: South Park centers around the adventures of four boys from a redneck mountain town, and Eric Cartman is the fat bastard of the group. Cartman enjoys the simple things in life: money, food, racism, and deriving sadistic pleasure from the suffering of others. The other boys aren't even quite sure why they hang out with him in the first place. He's a conniving sociopath, always coming up with schemes that seem stupid, but usually tend to work. He's still a naive little mama's boy who likes candy and dollies and singing along to Styx, but don't cross him, or he'll make you eat your parents.
Okay, you over there with the thing stickin' outta your skull that looks kinda like a poofball? You can be Zombie Stan! And you with the missing head, you can be Zombie Kyle! And you, twitching, leftover torso-thing... you look like you'd be poor, so you can be Zombie Kenny! There! You're already way cooler than my real friends! God, I hate those guys.
Now guys, don't go chewing on Zombie Kyle's decapitated head just because he's a Zombie Jew and he probably laughed when he was crucifying Zombie Jesus! 'Cause I've learned something today: It doesn't matter whether your skin is black or green or cracked open and dripping pus, or even if you are a filthy Jew! When it comes down to it, you're all my zombie slaves! Don't you think you should put aside your differences and do my bidding like good little Undead Americans?
Awesome. I'm glad you see it that way. Now go forth, my minions, and take the camp! GOTT MIT UNS! HEIL CARTMA-HEY! Those're my brains! MY! BRAINS! That is a BAD ZOMBIE! BAD ZOMBIE! Respect my authoritah!
Jesus Christ, you people are only like the worst minions ever. Okay, okay, so you don't wanna take the camp and make me ten million dollars. I'm cool with that. I guess. But couldn't you at least, I dunno, make me a sandwich or something? I don't have to hang out with you dirty, hippie-smelling corpses, you know.
NO, ZOMBIE KYLE, I DON'T WANT TO SUCK THE BRAINS FROM YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD. I want hot wings! Pizza! Fried chicken! Pie! Es ist Zeit für Piiiiiiie!!
Goddamnit. Who the hell knew that zombie slaves could suck so much ass? I'm never coming to summer camp in the middle of January again.
Poll Vote!
Character: Houjo Haruto
Series: Haunted Junction
Age: 16-17
Canon: First, a short summary: Haunted Junction is at Saitoh High. The kids of three religious groups have been made into the Holy Student Council. Houjo Haruto is the son of a minister, and unlike the others has virtually no spiritual powers! I don't know if the access to holy water from his bathroom really counts. The council is supposed to take care of the school and it's spirits. Haruto was tricked into becoming the president of the council, and he hates it, because he wants to be normal and do normal things (and goes on about it incessantly.)
Haruto wants to be a normal guy, but he's torn between this dream and his obligations as the president. He's a nice guy who likes to help, but he freaks out at weird stuff. He can also take things WAY too seriously. Other details: he nosebleeds at naked women and wants to go to classes even though he doesn't have to. He's also not terribly religious - he wears a cross and prays sometimes but he usually expresses his devotion to God by exclaming "Oh my God" near the end of each episode (a "Jesus Christ!" is not unheard of.) Also: the chairman of the school is one of the 7 School Spirits, and he is an avid collector of occult items (including but not limited to entire schools) and he enjoys scaring Haruto and making his life a living HELL. ♥
Are you there God? It's me, Haruto.
I know I haven't been the best follower of the Church's teachings, and I'm sure you have some master plan for all of this - but would it be too much to ask for you to HURRY IT UP A LITTLE? I don't know how much more I can take of this! First, the school? Now this? I don't know if this is as bad but it's still terrible!
Isn't summer camp supposed to be a normal, happy time in a person's life, where they can go, play and learn with other normal people? Why am I stuck on this laptop instead of out being one with nature? Why did I get a gun? I'm the President of the HOLY STUDENT COUNCIL, I deal with ghosts; I don't kill things. No. Because they're supposed to already BE DEAD.
I just want to be normal! Live a normal life! Go to normal school! Attend normal classes! Do normal things like normal boys! So I tried. First, I decided to make friendship bracelets! Because it's normal to meet and make friends at camp! The beads are kind of misshapen though. I don't know what exactly they're made of. Not to mention that it was VERY hard for me to find anything except dark red. I haven't seen many people around, so I gave it to the skeleton sitting outside the Arts and Crafts hut. It's only my first one, I'm sure I'll get the chance to make more! I was about 5 steps away before the skeleton got up and started Cossack dancing, and really? That's just as wrong here as it is at home!
THEN! When I decided to take a canoe out (since I think that's what people would normally do at a camp), I was trying to find some oars in the shed and... and... I got this weird ooze all over my clothes and it won't come off. It feels like raw cookie dough but it's moving. It's moving. So I decided not to go out on the lake after all! I'm sure there's something else that's normal to do around here? Isn't there? Please!
I bet that the Chairman has bought this weird camp to put it in his OCCULT COLLECTION. Why God, why? Why do you let him do these crazy, horrible things! Especially to me? If I'm going to suffer, I'd rather do it in my own neighborhood, thank you very much! I guess I'm going to end up staying here so I should officially register or something. There's a director, isn't there? I thought I saw something about that in the brochure. At the very least, the Chairman gave me that.
Oh, excuse me? Is this where I'm supposed to check in to camp? Oh, ah, my name is Houjo Haruto! ...So I just need to sign now? Could I borrow a pen? Oh?
...my finger?
In ...blood?
OH MY GOD.
Poll Vote!
Character: Takino Tomo
Series: Azumanga Daioh
Age: 17
Canon: Tomo is hyperactive, noisy, rude, careless, lazy, big-mouthed, self-absorbed, hyper-competitive, egotistical, common-sense-lacking, and occasionally a bit cruel. Despite her obsession with "winning" everything, she has no outstanding skills at all, and thus is no actual competition for her more gifted classmates, especially the super-rich child prodigy Chiyo-chan. And as energetic as she is, it's a very rare occasion when Tomo actually, you know, puts any effort into anything. In physical competition, she gives it her all, but lacks the natural talent and focus to win; in academics, she has the ability to do very well if she puts her mind to it and studies, but only resorts to that as a last-ditch effort (and only if she knows it'll piss somebody off). And as far as a bodacious bod goes, she rather got the short end of that stick, which may explain her mild obsession with the breasts of other girls. (Maybe.)
More than anything else, Tomo just wants to be liked. Well, worshiped, really; her fantasies tend to involve men and women throwing themselves at her feet in deference to her beauty and heroism, usually at the expense and misery of her loved ones. Her philosophy in life can be summed up with "Eh, it'll probably all work out for me just fine no matter what I do!" Her friendships are tinged with mutual antagonism, and her motivation for doing well is almost always "Because I knew it would make someone else feel bad," but eventually people learn to accept her as simply Tomo, and try not to think too hard about her peculiar brand of Tomo-logic. In her downtime, Tomo can usually be found challenging people, screaming, running around idiotically, misunderstanding simple concepts, and spouting strange non sequiturs.
This app is for Tomo after she graduates high school; the differences between her and Tomo at the beginning of the series pretty much consist of "Well, uh, I GUESS she's three years older?" I'm also following ADV's lead and leaving Chiyo's honorific intact.
Super Winter Competition 2006: Having a Better Semester than Chiyo-chan! Chiyo-chan, you may have thought that coming to an American university would save you from losing to me, but alas! I, Takino Tomo, have arrived in the West, and I do solemnly swear that I will have more fun than you!
Ahhhhhhh, summer camp! See, someone of lesser intellect than moi might be confused by the fact that it's actually winter, but not I! I already knew that everything's backwards in America, because it's on the other side of the world from Japan. Elementary, my dear Watson! And being so far from home, it's the perfect place for a super-famous and talented girl like me to do some good deeds and have a blast! I'm going to swim across the lake in record time, even if it's frozen! I'll wrestle a crocodile and tame it, and name it Fujiko! I'll solve the murder case in less than a week--that's the Tomo Guarantee. And after I do, the Director will free you all and throw herself upon my mercy! "Ohhhh, Tomo~! How could I have raised my hand against one as gorgeous and brilliant as you? Please, spirit me away from this place, and we shall all live in peace!" "It was nothing, my good lady!," I'll reply in my flawless English, as the crowd adorns me with wreaths of fresh flowers! Yeeeep, it's only a matter of time. Days! Hours!
Zombies? Pshaw! Don't worry about something like that! I just happen to know exactly how to deal with zombies. A little chit-chat will smooth over aaaany misunderstanding, mark my words! Let's see, Louisiana, huh? That has the French Quarter, right? So clearly these are French zombies! See, there's your problem, people. Duh. You're not talking to 'em right. Well, ain't it lucky for you that good old Tomo here just happens to know French? Yep, you people really lucked out, getting a friend like me! Let's see, French . . . um, French . . . crap, how does that song go? Ah! I got it!
You there, Mister Zombie! Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
. . .
--Super Winter Competition 2006, Number Two! Beating the Horny Zombies in a Footrace! Call the police!
Poll Vote!
Character: Gene Starwind
Series: Outlaw Star
Age: 20
Canon: Only one thing can be said about boys: boys can dream. Gene Starwind was a boy with a dream; a dream of space. The problem is that he lives in a universe where there are four major powers: the Space Forces, the Ctarl-Ctarl Empire, the Pirates, and the Outlaws. An Outlaw’s defining characteristic is their ignorance of pretty much everything but their own freedom and dreams; these guys have everything from bar shootouts to their own little honor system. Gene Starwind was taught by his now-dead father to pilot ships; one pirate attack later, Gene finds himself growing up planet-bound, dreaming of returning to space with his own ship, but battling a disabling fear of actually being in space.
Gene has grown up to be a foul-mouthed, drinking, womanizing jack-of-all trades; he considers himself a true Outlaw, as he is now the captain of a stolen ship that everyone wants to steal back from him- the XGP15A-II, otherwise named the Outlaw Star. The outlaw is hot-headed and irresponsible, preferring to solve his problems with his wide variety of guns, his “trump,” if anything, being the rare but powerful Caster gun. In any case, he’s usually laid-back, with
a decent balance of stupidity, ingenuity, determination, and ego. He spends most of his time trying to earn enough money just to keep his ship running, but he’s also promised a crewmember to search for a legendary thing called the Galactic Leyline (which, it turns out, is mostly just a big drug trip).
…Yanno, I was pretty sure this is where I parked the ship. Instead, I get to the landing site, and there’s just this tiny model of the ship made out of oatmeal containers-and to top it off, some wiseass wrote “XGP15B-III, the Oatlaw Star” on the side. Yeah, that’s real funny.
Dammit, and this Director lady was supposed to be another safe client! I checked her out, and everything. I certainly thought she looked fine. This was going to be a simple job! Go in, grab the goods, get out, get paid. Why is it all the simple jobs that are the ones that go horribly, horribly wrong? I hate how all the clients that are supposed to be safe turn around and stab me in the back just when I’ve finished the job! There’s some real weird shit here, too. And I’m not just talking Tao magic weird, like those pirates use, or anything like that, either.
Actually there’s no pirates here at all, except for that little tentacle thing with the pirate hat, though there are plenty of hot babes. And an onsen, on top of it all! I’m definitely glad I brought my video camera, cuz there’s nothing here that could be so great a threat I couldn’t go down there! Sure, there’s these creepy zombie things, and those gorillas-and I think I saw my first crocodile…and I don’t even have any Caster shells left…
But that’s not a problem! There’s good food, and no Outlaw’s going to go down to some bunch of gangly, half-rotten freaks like those zombies.
…A “no sex” rule? Shit! …Dammit! Gah, don’t mess with me, Director! No measly camp like this can hold an Outlaw!
Poll Vote!
Character: Chie Hallard
Series: My-Otome
Age: Exact age unknown, second year student--16-18?
Canon: Haven’t you always wanted your own well trained,
powerful warrior-maid? The kind with nanomachines to make them better,
faster, stronger? That’s an Otome. The only catch is that they can’t have
sex with men, or the machines will be destroyed. Luckily... that doesn’t
seem to be too much of a problem for Chie. The number two
Pearl--upperclassmen--at Garderobe Academy, Chie is tomboyish, playful,
sometimes smug, and seems fond of flirting with, or at least teasing, her
juniors. She’s also friendly, helpful, and sympathetic when circumstances
call for it. Of the top three Pearls, who take on some of the
responsibility for managing the students, she’s arguably the most accessible
to the underclassmen. Not much is known about her motivations for joining
the Academy, or her goals. For people who are used to Chie’s
characterization in My-HiME, Otome’s incarnation is a little different;
smoother, less gossipy, stronger, and more likely to be making passes at
girls.
I wonder if I might be able to borrow one or two of you cute campers for a
few moments. It would be incredibly helpful to me if I could. I came out
this way following the signal of an unauthorized materialization, but now
there’s no sign of it. Has anything strange appeared in the area
recently...?
Or...
Perhaps I should word that a bit differently, shouldn’t I? It seems there
are plenty of strange things still appearing around here. It might
be that you could have materializations and not even know it. If I ever saw
somewhere that could, this would be the place. I’m looking for something
big and unnatural, a little like a machine, a little like an animal?
I believe Meister Haruka got here before me. If she’s already taken care of
it, then that would probably be for the best all around. I wouldn’t mind
asking her about it, either way. If she hasn’t handled it already, I could
offer my help. I haven’t seen anything here that a Meister wouldn’t be able
to handle easily enough--but you guys certainly have a lot of it, don’t you?
Maybe the Onee-sama has had her hands full?
I must have come somewhere very remote for this sort of thing to be
happening without Garderobe knowing about it. Monsters and zombies and
dictators, oh my.
Quite remote indeed. I can’t say I’m not curious about this all. Maybe
someone would tell me more about it over coffee before I leave? I hope
that’s not too much to ask for, at least. From the right lips, even an ugly
beast in a lake out at the far end of nowhere must become a pleasant topic
for conversation. I’m sure it’s been very hard on all of you, too. Talking
about it might be good for you.
Well, my lovely young ladies and gentlemen, I am Chie Hallard, and it is my
pleasure to be at your service.
Poll Vote!