(no subject)
LOL NEXT ROUND.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Wao closed
Character: Scar
Series: The
Lion King
Character Age: Unknown, adult lion.
Counselor Job Monkey's uncle
Canon: From the day we arrive on this planet and step into the blinking sun, we await one thing - the arrival of the new king to protect and rule the Pride Lands. And the new King chosen to bear this role was a young cub named Simba. Unfortunately, that didn't sit too well with his uncle Scar who had other ideas on how the management of the Pride Lands should work.
You can say many things about Scar and none of them are nice. Unable to match might with Mufasa, Scar finds himself at the bottom of the food chain, even among his own kind. So he channels his bitterness and anger towards getting the one thing that matters to him: Power. Sarcastic, devious and often gracing everyone with his dry wit and humour, Scar is more than willing to play up the role of helplessness as long as he succeeds. And he will succeed. You just won't realize it all went according to plan.
Sample Post:
Well, isn't this simply precious?
Ah, but where are my manners? You may call me Scar, though I wouldn't mind a sir or two tossed in there. It's so hard to get the respect royal blood deserves, you see. All the same, a little deference, I find, can go a long way. Though in a place that looks like it's in dire need of proper cultivation, I suppose it's only natural for your etiquette be one of the first things to suffer. However, these are things that can be easily rectified with a little help ♥~ Oh, but who am I to be so rude and leave you in the dark? I'm not too fond of being a monkey's uncle... still, why don't we stick with that until something more appropriate comes along, shall we? I can make do for the time being, trust me. There are worse things in this world, things I cannot speak of. It would be most ungracious of me. Why, that would be like me telling you about the secret treasures in the lake! ... Oh dear, I didn't mean to let that slip. Now whatever shall I do?
Since you're so eager and I shouldn't let such matters rest so easily, not when I let the unwitting mouse out of the cage. There are many stories concerning this land of Seefud, but the most interesting one concerns the lake. They say, deep within the lake lurks something of great power. Yet I'm sure your Queen, or whatever you locals call her, has told you all about it. It's not like she would keep secrets from you, would she? Oh, it seems that there are some misplaced trust issues here. My, this is quite a dilemma. If I had known I would cause such a rift in such a relationship, why, I would have kept my errant tongue shut! Ah, but it's too late for that isn't it?
I suppose... it's only right to keep you informed, since there was such a serious breach of trust here. Honestly, what was she thinking? This thing of great power hidden in the lake is called the Golden Pineapple of Sageness, possessor of divine "flava" as you locals would call it. What is this thing? Well, stories of it have been rather.... vague, but think about it. If the Queen kept it from you, well, it's certainly something of great importance, isn't it? Maybe it'll even mend the strained relationships amongst you all. And I do hate to see people fight. Why, it's positively unbearable. Yes, run along now, go retrieve it and fulfill your destiny!
Oh, and when Marcy's done with you and if there's anything left, do pass on a message for the Director, would you? Tell her...
The King has arrived.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nicolai Conrad
Series: Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Age: 27
Job: Instructor in the Arts of Surveillance (Otherwise Known as "Professional Stalker")
Canon: Shadow Hearts: Covenant is the second game in the Shadow Hearts series and follows Yuri Hyuga and his party as they wander the globe (okay, just Europe and Asia) to thwart the plans of the secret society Sapientes Gladio, led by none other than Grigori Rasputin. You know, that Rasputin, who in Shadow Hearts: Covenant is out to accomplish world domination via his secret society and other fabulous things. It's all fun and games and your occasional demon soul pact! ... Until the second disc hits and things get even more ungodly complicated, but hey. It's an RPG. Don't they always?
Nicolai Conrad -- bastard son of Tsar Nicholas II -- serves directly under Rasputin and is responsible for many of the events in the first half of the game. To the average person, Nicolai seems like a perfect gentleman -- formal, courteous, concerned, and a cardinal in the Vatican to boot. But beneath his smooth demeanor is a clever man who is constantly scheming and working towards his ultimate goal, no matter what he has to do. This is a man who is willing to sell his soul to a demon in order to gain more power, after all! One of the things Nicolai is not, though, is a man of patience. When saddled with bumbling minions, his irritation seeps through his gritted teeth. However, despite all of this, Nicolai is a man full of complexities, and his main motive is much less nefarious than one would think -- revenge for his spurned mother.
Note: Nicolai is being apped from the end of the first disc.
Sample Post:
I must confess, the description for this position is rather . . . quaint. When the Madame Director had described the job to me in her letter as one of surveillance, I'd presumed it was a position that more along the lines of teaching the art of observation. Constant vigilance. Putting objects under scrutiny, even. But describing it as "stalking" seems a bit harsh, I'd think. Nevermind the fact that the pupils such as yourselves seem a bit less than lively and thus less than capable of actually successfully learning any of this. Still, a job is a job, I suppose. Far be it for me to shirk my duties, hmm?
Let's get right to it then. Proper surveillance abilities are essential if one wishes to survive. This isn't simply about watching someone for the sake of watching someone; it could be a sort of life or death situation. While this encampment can be rather hazardous given the precarious plant-life and simple-minded simians, it's quite manageable if one were to keep a good system in line. . . . is what I would usually say, but really, in a place like this? Anyone with half a brain would realize that things such as a glowing, polluted lake or a large kraken were synonymous with trouble. -- yes, you in the back, that means you need to give your partner next to you that-- whatever it is you're chewing on back to him immediately. He'll need that to understand this.
In any case, observing people becomes a bit more of a difficult task than simply observing one's surroundings. Given that people themselves can be rather unpredictable, it requires quite a bit of skill to successfully track a subject. Can anyone tell me what one of those skills might be? . . . No, having the skin of a killer is not a requirement. I suppose you think you're being clever? Fine, then! Come down here -- you'll help us with the practical portion of this lesson. Do you see that cabin situated over there? Show me how you would monitor someone living in there and we'll evaluate you. Pretend it's a girl you've been keeping an eye on, even. It's a rather straight-forward activity; I doubt even you could mess it up.
. . . Well. At the very least, I can say we have an example for the antithesis of subtlety with you. First of all, the moaning is a bit of a give-away. You realize this, don't you? No one in their right mind is going to sleep right with the constant guttural groaning for their own mind going on in the background. Not that they would anyway after the whole smashing of the fist through the window thing that you did there. The sound aside, the dried skin left on the shards would alert anyone if the smell from it didn't. And while it's rather . . . charming gesture that you'd want to give your heart away to her, actually leaving it on her bedsheets is over the top. Do you have anything to say for yourself with all of this?
. . . no, I don't particularly care that it's no longer beating and therefore not making any noise, that's hardly the point of the-- . . . nevermind. I can see this is going to be a very long day already. Let's just . . . try something else, shall we? For your next lesson, you will attempt to sneak into the hospital and procure a bottle of painkillers for me. A large bottle.
Poll Vote!
Character: Starscream
Series: Transformers Animated
Character Age: Counselor-Aged Bot
Job: Overlord (Advisor) of Gene Replication (fancy term for cloning)
Canon:Transformers: Animated is the newest series in a long-line of cartoons based on toys based on cartoons. The premise doesn't deviate much from the originals, being the good guys (the Autobots) are fighting the bad guys (the Decepticons) throughout the galaxy in a war that never seems to end (so long as the toys continue to sell). In this new version, the war is brought to Detroit (which, being Detroit, it's hard to imagine anyone noticed) where the Autobots are a group of rag-tag maintenance robots trying to protect an important object of immense power (the AllSpark) so the Decepicons can't get their hands on it.
Starscream spends most of his time plotting to overthrow the leader of the Decepticons and take the mantle for himself. He's devious, a bit of an egomaniac, a sycophant, a liar, and an absolute failure. For over four million stellar cycles Starscream has attempted to kill Megatron and has nearly succeeded a handful of times, though he usually blows it with over-the-top gloating and speeches that would shame Bond villains. With all of that failure comes one blessing -- a piece of the all-powerful AllSpark has become implanted in his head, making him immortal... allowing him an eternity of failure and disappointment. Yet not everything is bad for Starscream -- he's devious enough, and even genius enough to have learned that with the proper parts, he could even instill life into clones of himself. It's just a matter of finding the right parts...
Sample Post:
Puny organics, your supreme Decepticon ruler has come to grace you with his presence and only asks for your undying loyalty for the rest of your miserable existence! You shall kneel before me and I may just let you clean the dirt out of my intake vents! Did you not hear me? I said kneel before your supreme ruler! Kneel! What, are you as dense as space barnacles?
-- Oh for Spark's sake! I will never understand the Autobots' fascination with these disgusting organic creatures. This one is missing half of a quarter-panel, and that one seems to be missing an entire series of servos. Each and every one of these ugly, nasty little creatures looks like a poorer clone than the next! Was your original unit a piece of space trash? I've seen trash compactors that looked more prepared to battle than you!
... Although... Listen up, defective units! I command you to join my army so that we may rule this pathetic planet! With your numbers and my superb power and cunning, we shall destroy those useless Autobots and take everything for ourselves! What? What do you mean, "Brains"? Useless! You are all useless to me! If you will not kneel or obey, you will pay for your insolence!
What is this!? You dare to defy me? You, an organic from an insignificant world in the back quadrant of space, dare to defy Starscream? You dare to defy the all powerful leader of the Decepticons!? PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF STARSCREAM!
How pathetic, you didn't even put up a fight! Even repair-bots attempt to defend themselves, but you just limped towards me as if you had something jammed up your tailpipe! It's no wonder your species is so primitive, you can't even keep all of your parts in one place! Between your missing parts and your pathetic rambling -- was your processor fried? -- I cannot believe that you have survived this long even here! You were not worthy to even polish my lugnuts! However... now that you have learned your place, let us see what you were protecting. Could I be so lucky that I've come across a missing piece of the -- what is this? "Camp Fuck You Die"? The broken organics were protecting an entire civilization hidden away deep within this area. How interesting. These new organics seem to be in prime condition as well! Maybe I have underestimated their worth, sending their scrap to protect their repair facilities.
Repair facilities... now there's something that could become useful. With a piece of this AllSpark fragment and pieces of these organics -- as well as some scrap I have run across -- I will be able to create my own army of clones. With my army behind me, Megatron and those pesky Autobots will be powerless to stop me! This world -- no, this universe will come to bow before the might of Starscream! So now is the time to make myself known...
New organics, your supreme master has arrived! He only requires you to follow his every word, and swear your -- DO NOT IGNORE ME WHEN I AM SPEAKING TO YOU! I have spent too much time preparing to be your leader to have you treat me like some sixteen-bit trash-bot! If you believe that I will allow such insolence then you can kiss your actuator goodbye! What are you doi-- no don't touch that! Stop it! You cannot do this to me! No! Don't stick that thing into my exhaust port! I am your leader, this is trea-- Signal Lost.
Poll Vote!
Character: Aeris Gainsborough
Series: Final Fantasy VII
Character Age: 22
Job: Women's Self Defense Instructor (AKA Applied Notgettingshankedology 101)
Canon: Once upon a time on a Planet far, far away, there was a girl who grew beautiful flowers in a city where no other plants could be grown. It's because this girl was special. She heard voices that weren't there, knew things she really shouldn't, and she was the only one - the very last person on the Planet - who would ever be special that way. This little flower girl didn't know it yet, but she had quite a destiny. After meeting a spiky-haired boy with a real big sword, she left home to try to find out what had happened to her boyfriend that never came back from a "routine mission." What she found was an international conspiracy, the truth of her own origins, a plot for world destruction several millenia in the making, and abruptly in the middle of it her own senseless death. Of course, when you're a girl like Aeris, death isn't even remotely the end.
Aeris can be gentle and sweet, always there to give her friends a smile and willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect the Planet she loves. But there's also the side to her that's full of fire and life. She's a shrewd business woman (skeevy guys should expect to pay a 5000% markup over cute, polite ones). She tops the whole party something fierce. She wouldn't dream of letting an insignificant little thing like dying stand in her way of saving the world. And if you see her standing behind a big, strong man, it's not because she can't defend herself, but rather because she views all men in her life as potential meat shields to be loved tenderly, mocked mercilessly and be magic'd into invincibility during boss battles. For the most part she's simply a vibrant soul who loves life, loves people, and whether we're talking about indulging her desire to see the protagonist in drag or go along on a dangerous mission, simply won't ever take no for an answer.
Sample Post:
Oh dear. Well, this isn't exactly what I thought I'd be doing. There's nothing wrong with a little irony though, right? And it's not like a good doctor never can gets sick. Sooo, hello everyone. I'm Aeris, and I'll be your Women's Self Defense Instructor.
Okay, let's see... The most important thing a woman can do to take care of herself is to be assertive. Right! If a guy is being gross to you, you don't need to be nice to him. Tell him he has no chance! If you're a fellow saleswoman, hike up the prices in your store. You might be impressed what some guys will pay for even a single flower if they think it'll get them a chance. But remember, you don't owe someone like that anything. If you don't want to go somewhere with a guy, you say no. It doesn't matter if he's your date or oh, say, a secret agent who's been stalking you for possible recruitment! You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to.
Oh! Speaking of assertiveness, another good way to defend yourself is to hire someone else to do it! A bodyguard can make a great first and sometimes even second and third line of defense. It doesn't matter if you have to deal with back-alley thugs, or back-country zombies, I don't think I can over-emphasize the usefulness of a good strong body between you and whatever you don't want to be directly next to. So, how to find one! When you're looking for a bodyguard, you can't always go by personality. Sometimes the one you want's the playboy and sometimes it's the stoic awkward one. I guess if you do have to go find one, maybe look for a boy with spiky hair? That's always worked for me. Oh, and nice eyes. But if you have the time-- and this is just between us girls, alright?-- I've always found that you get the best bodyguards when you wait for them to come to you. It may sound a little strange, but a guy falling right from the sky just might be a good choice. Once you have your bodyguard, remember to keep him in good shape! Make sure he stays healed, don't let him be too hard on himself, that kind of thing. A lot of times, the bodyguard type is also going to be the "worry way too much and blame himself for everything" type. If he starts that way, remind him who's boss, all right? A little emasculation can go a long way for his self-esteem!
And another thing: it's always important to always be aware of your surroundings. It doesn't matter if you're in the slums or a swamp, you should always know what's going on. A gorilla getting the jump on you is bad enough. That means it'll probably get in the first move, and you might not be able to get Mr. Body Guard in there to take the hit for you fast enough. But when there aren't any monsters around, it's even more important to keep a sharp eye out. Hmm, say... if you're doing something that requires a lot of concentration, you're going to want to stop once and a while to check all around you, and even above you. This one's important! Remember when I said that guys who fall down from above can make good bodyguards? Well sometimes, actually, that's not true at all. I have found in all my falling boy experience that there is... about a one out of three chance that he is not going to help you keep safe at all.
Alright, let's see. What have we learned? One! Be assertive. Two! Always use protection. And three! It never hurts to look up.
Okay! Any more questions?
Poll Vote!
Character: The Republic of Turkey (Sadiq Annan)
Series: Axis Powers Hetalia
Age: appears to be in his 30s (actually way older)
Job: Source of a Cultural Holiday Meal (read: Thanksgiving Dinner)
Canon: Axis Powers Hetalia is that web comic turned manga turned anime about our favorite trio of anthropomorphic countries on their eternal journey to win the war and get some good pasta while they're at it. But it wouldn't be fair if a series about anthropomorphic countries and history left out several of the other players that made our world what it is today, like Turkey! One of the older countries still around today, Turkey has come a long way.
Turkey seems like a mysterious country because he always wears a white domino mask, but he is really is a passionate, friendly, merry, and helpful nation. Coupled with his lively personality, Turkey won't hesitate to help anybody out whether they are tourists, friends, strangers, or even his worst enemies. Turkey also has a competitive nature that drives him to enter all sorts of competitions just to show his skills. But be careful, say or do the wrong thing, and with Turkey's pride and stubbornness, you can be sure that Turkey won't forget it and you'll be sure to know exactly how he feels about it. Don't believe it? Just ask him how well he gets along with Greece (the answer is not that well).
NOTE: In Japanese, Turkey is written with an Edo-accent, which the apper is writing as a tough guy/Brooklyn accent. And Ashure is a Turkish dessert that Turkey loves enough that he'll leave during the middle of a fight just because it's time to eat some.
Sample Post:
Tch, really, if ya needed help, all ya had to do was ask. Ya really didn't need to send yer friends to come and get me. An' to tell ya th' truth, they weren't all that nice about it neither. Bargin' in on me as I was eatin' my dessert. They got their damn, purple hair in my ashure! An' I can tell ya right now, they nearly blew yer chances of gettin' me to come all the way out here. But don't look down, I was in a forgivin' mood at th' time and taught yer friends a lesson about messing with somebody's ashure.
They really thought they could take me on, but hey, I showed them, wouldn't ya say? I sure hope ya don't mind that they came back black an' blue instead of purple.
Now th' thing is that ya asked me to come out here to help ya cook something for all the campers ya got here and to come "already stuffed." Now, ordinarily, I wouldn't come all the way to America just to help cook a meal, but ya seemed so set on th' idea of giving yer campers a meal made from Turkey, and who am I to deny these kids a delight such as this? I can tell ya right now, this Turkish delight will keep them kids from going into that wardrobe to hide in all the time. An', yeah, I came stuffed, so ya don't have to worry about me eatin' all that good food. Now tell me, what dish did ya have in mind for me to make?
… I'm not so sure that I can make somthin' that’s American, but I can sure as hell try! Don't really get why'd ya asked me to come if ya wanted this, but it's my pleasure to help ya out right now. I sure know that I would want help if I had to cook a lot of food for a special holiday meal... what was it again ya called it? S green. … ah, soylent green. Can't say I ever really heard of it, though hearin' "Soylent green is Turkey!" bein' yelled out really made things clear. Ya could've just said ya wanted a bird cooked for their holiday meal.
A nice dinner made from Turkey, I can tell that it's goin' to be a re- wait. Just what was that? Ya really thought I wouldn't catch on, did ya?
Tch, and ya know that joke's gettin' old now, right? Yeah yeah yeah, sure, laugh it up, but I'm not going to stay here and let ya make me into yer din- oi! Get yer filthy hands off me, ya damn, dirty apes! Don't think I'm going to let ya roast, grill, fry, or whatever th' hell it is ya do to those birds be done to me, so stick that fork in yourself, cause I'm nowhere near done.
Ya call this holiday "Thanksgiving", and I can tell ya got nothing to be thankful 'bout, but in case ya haven't noticed, it's about four months away, an' that's way too damn early to start cookin' somthin'. If ya had any brains, which ya probably don't judgin' by th' way yer friends outside keep on moanin' and groanin' for "braaaaaaains", ya would know it's July and not November and the difference between a turkey and the Republic of Turkey! So ya might as well just let me go right now and try to get me again then. I welcome th' challenge of ya tryin' to get me, because I'm sure as hell not goin' to stay here for four months an' I want to see what ya got. Hell, I'm even givin' ya a chance to try an' get stronger.
… Ya can trust me, I won't disappear. I'm a man of my word, so I won't run around and try to desert you.
Poll Vote!
Character The Corinthian
Series: The Sandman and spinoffs
Character Age: Looks about 25-30, but has been around for far longer.
Job: Trunk Inspector
Canon: Neil Gaiman's The Sandman follows its titular character through time, space, dreams, friendships, enemyships and despairs. He goes by many names, The Sandman, Morpheus, the Lord Shaper -- in other words, he is the embodiment of Dream, and has six siblings who embody other traits (Desire, Despair, Death, Destiny, Destruction and Delirium). Within Dream's realm, which is shockingly called "The Dreaming", there are all sorts of creatures and shades that a person might see while half awake -- and if they're lucky, never while fully awake because no Dreaming is whole without a few nightmares.
The Corinthian is one such nightmare. At first glance one might find him a relatively well spoken, charming man with a hint of charisma and a broad smile. Spend a little more time with him, and the smile might get a bit sharper, his words carry a bit more hidden threat and it's pretty odd that he wears his sunglasses all the time. And, if you're very lucky, you'll not get to know him any better. Because underneath that façade is a serial killer that has garnished the admiration of many of his peers. His signature is cutting out (and eating) the eyes of his young male victims, and he's been known to be proficient in tying them up and storing them as well. Don't look too worried, he's not a cannibal, after all! Just a nightmare with somewhat. . . specific tastes.
Sample App:
How are you, gentlemen? Quite the pleasant night we're having, isn't it? Well, I suppose it is a bit rrragh inducing, the weather's been hotter than normal - but down in these parts shouldn't you be used to this sort of thing? You wouldn't call me a local by any means, but I've spent some time down here before. A little get-together with friends, you know? Perfectly legit and all, but a little special interest, so don't mind if I leave out the details.
Now, usually I don't do favors for women - even ones as overbearingly pleasant as your Miss Elizabeth Sayre, but the way she framed her request was too delicious to pass up. The job title is something like "Trunk Inspector", but since this old Buick seems to be the only car around I might have to pick up a few hobbies to keep me busy. Though this probably used to be a nice car, Buick Roadmaster. There's some famous book about a car like this, ever read it? Something about a haunted car that kills people. Couldn't have been very good.
Righto, so I guess I'll get to examining. It'd be nice if you could keep your hands to yourself - not that I don't appreciate a bit of help now and then, but you're leaving smudges. See, this here is a pretty good sized truck, bit of a curved interior and some padding. It hasn't got a spare tire bunk, but there's enough room for some good sized luggage. Or, say, a young man about five foot six, curled up on his side or so. He'd fit in here real nice. Not that I spend time stuffing young men into the trunks of cars or anything, that's a little ridiculous, isn't it?
I said to keep your hands to yourself. I'm not usually into the undead type, there's something really tacky about 'em, they kind of stick to your teeth, you know? Yeah, I'm addressing you, with the off-green rot-colored eyes. Now your friend there, I'm sure he was a looker when he was alive. Don't usually think brown's a nice color, but with eyes like that on a corpse, can't even imagine what they'd be like before they filmed over.
All right, job done, what's next? Campers? Sounds good to me, I'd like to see some of them, if you don't mind.
Poll Vote!
Character: Lee Scoresby (and Hester)
Series: His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
Character Age: Both 59
Job: Camp Aeronaut and Sky Diving Instructor
Canon: His Dark Materials is a trilogy of books which draws on literature, mythology, theology, natural science, modern philosophy, quantum mechanics and particle physics to tell a tale of war, love, life and death that spans this and every other world. A war is brewing between the old order of Heaven and those who would rebel against it, and Lyra, a girl with the ability to divine meaning from an ancient and powerful instrument, has a crucial role to play in all of it. The story takes place across a myriad of alternate universes, with Lyra coming from a world both tantalizingly similar to and wholly different from our own: one where zeppelins fill the sky, where the Church looms over all, where the frozen North is populated by wise witches and sentient bears, and where every human being's soul exists outside of his or her body, as an intelligent animal companion known as a dæmon.
Lee Scoresby is an aeronaut, a New Dane from the country of Texas (for in Lyra's world, there is no United States of America), and he and his hare dæmon, Hester, have made their living for more than thirty years exploring, transporting and traveling all over the North in his hardy yellow balloon. Though he's a cunning and quick-witted technician, he's also a true gentleman, and often a victim of his own good heart: unable to resist a soul in need, and with little tolerance for bullies or abusive figures, he gets in over his head from time to time. Though skilled with a rifle, he dislikes violence and on the whole would just like to earn enough money to retire to his homeland and live in peace -- if only destiny, and his taste for adventure, didn't keep getting in the way.
Note: italicized comments in the sample post represent Hester's speech.
Sample Post:
I don't know, Hester, that don't look like any part of Li'siana I've ever seen. You think maybe the witch's dæmon was misleadin' us?
Hell, that weren't no witch's dæmon, Lee. Just cos it's talkin' and flyin' don't mean it's got anythin' useful to say.
Yeah, I guess you're right. He was a mighty rude critter, whatever he was. Tellin' us to fuck off an' die just cos we asked the name of this here Camp... some folks just got no manners, Hester.
Best you not keep gettin' us involved with 'em, then.
A job's a job, Hester. Maybe that fella down there can answer our questions... Hey! You, down there! Hello! Good day to you, sir, and may I first compliment you on your very fine monkey su-- Oh! Well, then, on your very fine, uh, skirt. No, sir, no I do not think it's strange! If bears can wear armor, ain't no reason I can imagine why apes can't wear, uh-- what'cha call 'em, Hester? Tutu, that's it. You have a lovely tutu.
Anyway, sir, I'm a new arrival in this place, and I was hopin' you might be able to help me find this Director Sayre. I've got just a couple a' questions about the nature of the work she's hired me to do. I can understand the need for an aeronaut in this place -- surveyin' the land, watchin' the movements of those damn unsettlin' shambling things, things of that sort're all well and good -- but I'm havin' a devil of a time figurin' out what Sky Divin' might be. D'you think you could possibly shed some light on the subject?
Beg your pardon? I'm sorry, sir, but I think I must be misunderstandin' you. Why would anyone want to jump out of an aeroplane? Seems a damn foolish thing to me. And anyway, as you can see I don't have an aeroplane, just this old balloon, and if any a' my passengers tried to jump out of it, I'd consider myself to be doin' my job pretty poorly, let me tell you. Beggin' your pardon, sir, I ain't tryin' to disagree with you or start a ruckus, I'm just tryin' to make sense a' things. Well, maybe the Director c'n answer my questions herself... Thank you for your time, sir.
I don' know, Hester, I don't like to judge what other people do for fun, but that just seems mighty strange. I sure hope Miss Sayre doesn't expect us to go jumpin' out of-- Hey! Get away from the gasbag, y'damn bird! Dæmon or not, don't think I won't take measures-- Ahh! Damn it, that's a rupture for sure. Come on and hold onto me, Hester; looks like we're headin' down, whether we like it or not.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Mickey Mouse.
Series: Kingdom Hearts-canon.
Age: Series treats him as an adult.
Job: Captain of camp’s tour boat.
Canon: The forces of darkness are gathering throughout the multiverse, their sights set on the annihilation of all that is light and just. Heroes chosen by weapons of legend must rise to the occasion and fight this cataclysmic battle across the cosmos, striking down evil wherever it can be found! One of them happens to be Mickey Mouse, king of Disney Castle where everything works according to cartoon logic. These and many other strange events are commonplace in Kingdom Hearts, the collaboration of video game juggernaut Square-Enix and fairy tale-tellers and movie makers Disney, where Disney-stories serve as worlds in a setting where ships made out of candy dogfight in outer space, there can never be enough zippers or zany accessories, and good always triumphs over evil.
If one expects King Mickey to be posh and proper just because he’s a king, one would be mistaken. While not entirely the same carefree jokester he is in the animated shorts, Mickey is still a kindhearted mouse who always tries to see the best in everyone, support them during their time of need and keep his eyes firmly set on the most optimistic ending. He is an experienced warrior and leader who does his best to give guidance to the plucky young heroes he encounters, but who understands and respects those who are trying to fight their own battles. Neither pushing what he believes onto others or accepting threats against that which he holds dear, Mickey manages to be a kind king, stalwart warrior and thoughtful planner… who has no issues at all with hugging whomever needs hugs. He is simply put the best friend a gang of kids with improbable hairstyles and a mission to save the universe could ever hope to have.
Sample App:
Alright, if everyone’s seated I’d like to start off by welcoming ya’ll onboard the Steamy FantaSea 4. I know the name’s a bit strange, but all things considered strange seems to be a pretty good summary of this place. From gettin’ a message askin’ you to come help build a theme park-world for multiple worlds without tellin’ them there's a barrier around said world trappin' everyone who goes near, to havin’ the welcomin’ committee be an octopus that needs to learn there’s something like too many hugs… gee, I mean there’s a reason we're already up to The Steamy FantaSea 4, I can tell ya that much.
Still, I’m not gonna get outta here by complainin’. Let me introduce myself: the name’s Mickey Mouse, king of Disney Castle and world traveller. Miss Sayre decided to make me a tour guide so I could talk up camp to the newcomers, since she heard I ”had over half a centuries experience hawking all kinds of shoddy merchandise to little kids”… I got a feelin’ there’s more to that than her just tryin’ to insult me, but for the moment I figure the best thing to concentrate on is getting this job on the road: literally speakin’ since we’re lakelocked right now. I know it’s risky havin’ a meeting out here, but as long as we just keep the volume down while the workers prepare our ’river-road’ outta here we’ll be fine.
Ha ha, that’s right: ya can’t have a tour without a scenic route, but since I don’t wanna step on any toes I tried to figure out a way to get it done quickly and without hurtin’ camp. Everythin’ worked out though, because I found some local talent willin’ to help me out real fast: moles and pelicans! The moles’ll dig a river out of the lake that I can travel on, throwin’ up all the dirt in the air so the pelicans can catch it in their beaks and dump it behind the boat. That way we keep camp just the way it is AND can go wherever we wanna go! How they breathe underwater? Miss Sayre lent me snorkels! How they can survive in lakewater? Well, she also gave me these really tiny hazard-divin’-suits- Hey, hey, calm down! I get that ya want your own hazard suits, but getting angry at those who have them's not gonna solve anything. I’d like to help ya, but the ones they got are so small the only way ya could wear them is if ya took lots of them and sew them together- hey! Don’t all jump in, ya can’t take their suits! Besides you’ll wake up Marcy- scratch that, she’s already awake! Everyone, sit down, I’m gonna have to get serious here!
… There, that barrier will slow her down. But it’s not gonna last forever so we need to act fast: Gorillas, start shoveling coal in the engine and pull up those who jumped in, toucans head to the wheel and take us to that spot of land, zombies… just keep all extremities over the railing! Don’t worry, just blaze right ahead! See? Told you the moles could dig us out of here! And with the pelicans blocking up the path behind us, we’ll be out of tentacle reach in no time! All thanks to the power of team-work and believin' in each other overcoming the power of fear!
… Ha ha, come on, what’s with those groans? Ya gotta expect cheesy lines from a mouse!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Wao closed
Character: Scar
Series: The
Lion King
Character Age: Unknown, adult lion.
Counselor Job Monkey's uncle
Canon: From the day we arrive on this planet and step into the blinking sun, we await one thing - the arrival of the new king to protect and rule the Pride Lands. And the new King chosen to bear this role was a young cub named Simba. Unfortunately, that didn't sit too well with his uncle Scar who had other ideas on how the management of the Pride Lands should work.
You can say many things about Scar and none of them are nice. Unable to match might with Mufasa, Scar finds himself at the bottom of the food chain, even among his own kind. So he channels his bitterness and anger towards getting the one thing that matters to him: Power. Sarcastic, devious and often gracing everyone with his dry wit and humour, Scar is more than willing to play up the role of helplessness as long as he succeeds. And he will succeed. You just won't realize it all went according to plan.
Sample Post:
Well, isn't this simply precious?
Ah, but where are my manners? You may call me Scar, though I wouldn't mind a sir or two tossed in there. It's so hard to get the respect royal blood deserves, you see. All the same, a little deference, I find, can go a long way. Though in a place that looks like it's in dire need of proper cultivation, I suppose it's only natural for your etiquette be one of the first things to suffer. However, these are things that can be easily rectified with a little help ♥~ Oh, but who am I to be so rude and leave you in the dark? I'm not too fond of being a monkey's uncle... still, why don't we stick with that until something more appropriate comes along, shall we? I can make do for the time being, trust me. There are worse things in this world, things I cannot speak of. It would be most ungracious of me. Why, that would be like me telling you about the secret treasures in the lake! ... Oh dear, I didn't mean to let that slip. Now whatever shall I do?
Since you're so eager and I shouldn't let such matters rest so easily, not when I let the unwitting mouse out of the cage. There are many stories concerning this land of Seefud, but the most interesting one concerns the lake. They say, deep within the lake lurks something of great power. Yet I'm sure your Queen, or whatever you locals call her, has told you all about it. It's not like she would keep secrets from you, would she? Oh, it seems that there are some misplaced trust issues here. My, this is quite a dilemma. If I had known I would cause such a rift in such a relationship, why, I would have kept my errant tongue shut! Ah, but it's too late for that isn't it?
I suppose... it's only right to keep you informed, since there was such a serious breach of trust here. Honestly, what was she thinking? This thing of great power hidden in the lake is called the Golden Pineapple of Sageness, possessor of divine "flava" as you locals would call it. What is this thing? Well, stories of it have been rather.... vague, but think about it. If the Queen kept it from you, well, it's certainly something of great importance, isn't it? Maybe it'll even mend the strained relationships amongst you all. And I do hate to see people fight. Why, it's positively unbearable. Yes, run along now, go retrieve it and fulfill your destiny!
Oh, and when Marcy's done with you and if there's anything left, do pass on a message for the Director, would you? Tell her...
The King has arrived.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nicolai Conrad
Series: Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Age: 27
Job: Instructor in the Arts of Surveillance (Otherwise Known as "Professional Stalker")
Canon: Shadow Hearts: Covenant is the second game in the Shadow Hearts series and follows Yuri Hyuga and his party as they wander the globe (okay, just Europe and Asia) to thwart the plans of the secret society Sapientes Gladio, led by none other than Grigori Rasputin. You know, that Rasputin, who in Shadow Hearts: Covenant is out to accomplish world domination via his secret society and other fabulous things. It's all fun and games and your occasional demon soul pact! ... Until the second disc hits and things get even more ungodly complicated, but hey. It's an RPG. Don't they always?
Nicolai Conrad -- bastard son of Tsar Nicholas II -- serves directly under Rasputin and is responsible for many of the events in the first half of the game. To the average person, Nicolai seems like a perfect gentleman -- formal, courteous, concerned, and a cardinal in the Vatican to boot. But beneath his smooth demeanor is a clever man who is constantly scheming and working towards his ultimate goal, no matter what he has to do. This is a man who is willing to sell his soul to a demon in order to gain more power, after all! One of the things Nicolai is not, though, is a man of patience. When saddled with bumbling minions, his irritation seeps through his gritted teeth. However, despite all of this, Nicolai is a man full of complexities, and his main motive is much less nefarious than one would think -- revenge for his spurned mother.
Note: Nicolai is being apped from the end of the first disc.
Sample Post:
I must confess, the description for this position is rather . . . quaint. When the Madame Director had described the job to me in her letter as one of surveillance, I'd presumed it was a position that more along the lines of teaching the art of observation. Constant vigilance. Putting objects under scrutiny, even. But describing it as "stalking" seems a bit harsh, I'd think. Nevermind the fact that the pupils such as yourselves seem a bit less than lively and thus less than capable of actually successfully learning any of this. Still, a job is a job, I suppose. Far be it for me to shirk my duties, hmm?
Let's get right to it then. Proper surveillance abilities are essential if one wishes to survive. This isn't simply about watching someone for the sake of watching someone; it could be a sort of life or death situation. While this encampment can be rather hazardous given the precarious plant-life and simple-minded simians, it's quite manageable if one were to keep a good system in line. . . . is what I would usually say, but really, in a place like this? Anyone with half a brain would realize that things such as a glowing, polluted lake or a large kraken were synonymous with trouble. -- yes, you in the back, that means you need to give your partner next to you that-- whatever it is you're chewing on back to him immediately. He'll need that to understand this.
In any case, observing people becomes a bit more of a difficult task than simply observing one's surroundings. Given that people themselves can be rather unpredictable, it requires quite a bit of skill to successfully track a subject. Can anyone tell me what one of those skills might be? . . . No, having the skin of a killer is not a requirement. I suppose you think you're being clever? Fine, then! Come down here -- you'll help us with the practical portion of this lesson. Do you see that cabin situated over there? Show me how you would monitor someone living in there and we'll evaluate you. Pretend it's a girl you've been keeping an eye on, even. It's a rather straight-forward activity; I doubt even you could mess it up.
. . . Well. At the very least, I can say we have an example for the antithesis of subtlety with you. First of all, the moaning is a bit of a give-away. You realize this, don't you? No one in their right mind is going to sleep right with the constant guttural groaning for their own mind going on in the background. Not that they would anyway after the whole smashing of the fist through the window thing that you did there. The sound aside, the dried skin left on the shards would alert anyone if the smell from it didn't. And while it's rather . . . charming gesture that you'd want to give your heart away to her, actually leaving it on her bedsheets is over the top. Do you have anything to say for yourself with all of this?
. . . no, I don't particularly care that it's no longer beating and therefore not making any noise, that's hardly the point of the-- . . . nevermind. I can see this is going to be a very long day already. Let's just . . . try something else, shall we? For your next lesson, you will attempt to sneak into the hospital and procure a bottle of painkillers for me. A large bottle.
Poll Vote!
Character: Starscream
Series: Transformers Animated
Character Age: Counselor-Aged Bot
Job: Overlord (Advisor) of Gene Replication (fancy term for cloning)
Canon:Transformers: Animated is the newest series in a long-line of cartoons based on toys based on cartoons. The premise doesn't deviate much from the originals, being the good guys (the Autobots) are fighting the bad guys (the Decepticons) throughout the galaxy in a war that never seems to end (so long as the toys continue to sell). In this new version, the war is brought to Detroit (which, being Detroit, it's hard to imagine anyone noticed) where the Autobots are a group of rag-tag maintenance robots trying to protect an important object of immense power (the AllSpark) so the Decepicons can't get their hands on it.
Starscream spends most of his time plotting to overthrow the leader of the Decepticons and take the mantle for himself. He's devious, a bit of an egomaniac, a sycophant, a liar, and an absolute failure. For over four million stellar cycles Starscream has attempted to kill Megatron and has nearly succeeded a handful of times, though he usually blows it with over-the-top gloating and speeches that would shame Bond villains. With all of that failure comes one blessing -- a piece of the all-powerful AllSpark has become implanted in his head, making him immortal... allowing him an eternity of failure and disappointment. Yet not everything is bad for Starscream -- he's devious enough, and even genius enough to have learned that with the proper parts, he could even instill life into clones of himself. It's just a matter of finding the right parts...
Sample Post:
Puny organics, your supreme Decepticon ruler has come to grace you with his presence and only asks for your undying loyalty for the rest of your miserable existence! You shall kneel before me and I may just let you clean the dirt out of my intake vents! Did you not hear me? I said kneel before your supreme ruler! Kneel! What, are you as dense as space barnacles?
-- Oh for Spark's sake! I will never understand the Autobots' fascination with these disgusting organic creatures. This one is missing half of a quarter-panel, and that one seems to be missing an entire series of servos. Each and every one of these ugly, nasty little creatures looks like a poorer clone than the next! Was your original unit a piece of space trash? I've seen trash compactors that looked more prepared to battle than you!
... Although... Listen up, defective units! I command you to join my army so that we may rule this pathetic planet! With your numbers and my superb power and cunning, we shall destroy those useless Autobots and take everything for ourselves! What? What do you mean, "Brains"? Useless! You are all useless to me! If you will not kneel or obey, you will pay for your insolence!
What is this!? You dare to defy me? You, an organic from an insignificant world in the back quadrant of space, dare to defy Starscream? You dare to defy the all powerful leader of the Decepticons!? PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF STARSCREAM!
How pathetic, you didn't even put up a fight! Even repair-bots attempt to defend themselves, but you just limped towards me as if you had something jammed up your tailpipe! It's no wonder your species is so primitive, you can't even keep all of your parts in one place! Between your missing parts and your pathetic rambling -- was your processor fried? -- I cannot believe that you have survived this long even here! You were not worthy to even polish my lugnuts! However... now that you have learned your place, let us see what you were protecting. Could I be so lucky that I've come across a missing piece of the -- what is this? "Camp Fuck You Die"? The broken organics were protecting an entire civilization hidden away deep within this area. How interesting. These new organics seem to be in prime condition as well! Maybe I have underestimated their worth, sending their scrap to protect their repair facilities.
Repair facilities... now there's something that could become useful. With a piece of this AllSpark fragment and pieces of these organics -- as well as some scrap I have run across -- I will be able to create my own army of clones. With my army behind me, Megatron and those pesky Autobots will be powerless to stop me! This world -- no, this universe will come to bow before the might of Starscream! So now is the time to make myself known...
New organics, your supreme master has arrived! He only requires you to follow his every word, and swear your -- DO NOT IGNORE ME WHEN I AM SPEAKING TO YOU! I have spent too much time preparing to be your leader to have you treat me like some sixteen-bit trash-bot! If you believe that I will allow such insolence then you can kiss your actuator goodbye! What are you doi-- no don't touch that! Stop it! You cannot do this to me! No! Don't stick that thing into my exhaust port! I am your leader, this is trea-- Signal Lost.
Poll Vote!
Character: Aeris Gainsborough
Series: Final Fantasy VII
Character Age: 22
Job: Women's Self Defense Instructor (AKA Applied Notgettingshankedology 101)
Canon: Once upon a time on a Planet far, far away, there was a girl who grew beautiful flowers in a city where no other plants could be grown. It's because this girl was special. She heard voices that weren't there, knew things she really shouldn't, and she was the only one - the very last person on the Planet - who would ever be special that way. This little flower girl didn't know it yet, but she had quite a destiny. After meeting a spiky-haired boy with a real big sword, she left home to try to find out what had happened to her boyfriend that never came back from a "routine mission." What she found was an international conspiracy, the truth of her own origins, a plot for world destruction several millenia in the making, and abruptly in the middle of it her own senseless death. Of course, when you're a girl like Aeris, death isn't even remotely the end.
Aeris can be gentle and sweet, always there to give her friends a smile and willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect the Planet she loves. But there's also the side to her that's full of fire and life. She's a shrewd business woman (skeevy guys should expect to pay a 5000% markup over cute, polite ones). She tops the whole party something fierce. She wouldn't dream of letting an insignificant little thing like dying stand in her way of saving the world. And if you see her standing behind a big, strong man, it's not because she can't defend herself, but rather because she views all men in her life as potential meat shields to be loved tenderly, mocked mercilessly and be magic'd into invincibility during boss battles. For the most part she's simply a vibrant soul who loves life, loves people, and whether we're talking about indulging her desire to see the protagonist in drag or go along on a dangerous mission, simply won't ever take no for an answer.
Sample Post:
Oh dear. Well, this isn't exactly what I thought I'd be doing. There's nothing wrong with a little irony though, right? And it's not like a good doctor never can gets sick. Sooo, hello everyone. I'm Aeris, and I'll be your Women's Self Defense Instructor.
Okay, let's see... The most important thing a woman can do to take care of herself is to be assertive. Right! If a guy is being gross to you, you don't need to be nice to him. Tell him he has no chance! If you're a fellow saleswoman, hike up the prices in your store. You might be impressed what some guys will pay for even a single flower if they think it'll get them a chance. But remember, you don't owe someone like that anything. If you don't want to go somewhere with a guy, you say no. It doesn't matter if he's your date or oh, say, a secret agent who's been stalking you for possible recruitment! You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to.
Oh! Speaking of assertiveness, another good way to defend yourself is to hire someone else to do it! A bodyguard can make a great first and sometimes even second and third line of defense. It doesn't matter if you have to deal with back-alley thugs, or back-country zombies, I don't think I can over-emphasize the usefulness of a good strong body between you and whatever you don't want to be directly next to. So, how to find one! When you're looking for a bodyguard, you can't always go by personality. Sometimes the one you want's the playboy and sometimes it's the stoic awkward one. I guess if you do have to go find one, maybe look for a boy with spiky hair? That's always worked for me. Oh, and nice eyes. But if you have the time-- and this is just between us girls, alright?-- I've always found that you get the best bodyguards when you wait for them to come to you. It may sound a little strange, but a guy falling right from the sky just might be a good choice. Once you have your bodyguard, remember to keep him in good shape! Make sure he stays healed, don't let him be too hard on himself, that kind of thing. A lot of times, the bodyguard type is also going to be the "worry way too much and blame himself for everything" type. If he starts that way, remind him who's boss, all right? A little emasculation can go a long way for his self-esteem!
And another thing: it's always important to always be aware of your surroundings. It doesn't matter if you're in the slums or a swamp, you should always know what's going on. A gorilla getting the jump on you is bad enough. That means it'll probably get in the first move, and you might not be able to get Mr. Body Guard in there to take the hit for you fast enough. But when there aren't any monsters around, it's even more important to keep a sharp eye out. Hmm, say... if you're doing something that requires a lot of concentration, you're going to want to stop once and a while to check all around you, and even above you. This one's important! Remember when I said that guys who fall down from above can make good bodyguards? Well sometimes, actually, that's not true at all. I have found in all my falling boy experience that there is... about a one out of three chance that he is not going to help you keep safe at all.
Alright, let's see. What have we learned? One! Be assertive. Two! Always use protection. And three! It never hurts to look up.
Okay! Any more questions?
Poll Vote!
Character: The Republic of Turkey (Sadiq Annan)
Series: Axis Powers Hetalia
Age: appears to be in his 30s (actually way older)
Job: Source of a Cultural Holiday Meal (read: Thanksgiving Dinner)
Canon: Axis Powers Hetalia is that web comic turned manga turned anime about our favorite trio of anthropomorphic countries on their eternal journey to win the war and get some good pasta while they're at it. But it wouldn't be fair if a series about anthropomorphic countries and history left out several of the other players that made our world what it is today, like Turkey! One of the older countries still around today, Turkey has come a long way.
Turkey seems like a mysterious country because he always wears a white domino mask, but he is really is a passionate, friendly, merry, and helpful nation. Coupled with his lively personality, Turkey won't hesitate to help anybody out whether they are tourists, friends, strangers, or even his worst enemies. Turkey also has a competitive nature that drives him to enter all sorts of competitions just to show his skills. But be careful, say or do the wrong thing, and with Turkey's pride and stubbornness, you can be sure that Turkey won't forget it and you'll be sure to know exactly how he feels about it. Don't believe it? Just ask him how well he gets along with Greece (the answer is not that well).
NOTE: In Japanese, Turkey is written with an Edo-accent, which the apper is writing as a tough guy/Brooklyn accent. And Ashure is a Turkish dessert that Turkey loves enough that he'll leave during the middle of a fight just because it's time to eat some.
Sample Post:
Tch, really, if ya needed help, all ya had to do was ask. Ya really didn't need to send yer friends to come and get me. An' to tell ya th' truth, they weren't all that nice about it neither. Bargin' in on me as I was eatin' my dessert. They got their damn, purple hair in my ashure! An' I can tell ya right now, they nearly blew yer chances of gettin' me to come all the way out here. But don't look down, I was in a forgivin' mood at th' time and taught yer friends a lesson about messing with somebody's ashure.
They really thought they could take me on, but hey, I showed them, wouldn't ya say? I sure hope ya don't mind that they came back black an' blue instead of purple.
Now th' thing is that ya asked me to come out here to help ya cook something for all the campers ya got here and to come "already stuffed." Now, ordinarily, I wouldn't come all the way to America just to help cook a meal, but ya seemed so set on th' idea of giving yer campers a meal made from Turkey, and who am I to deny these kids a delight such as this? I can tell ya right now, this Turkish delight will keep them kids from going into that wardrobe to hide in all the time. An', yeah, I came stuffed, so ya don't have to worry about me eatin' all that good food. Now tell me, what dish did ya have in mind for me to make?
… I'm not so sure that I can make somthin' that’s American, but I can sure as hell try! Don't really get why'd ya asked me to come if ya wanted this, but it's my pleasure to help ya out right now. I sure know that I would want help if I had to cook a lot of food for a special holiday meal... what was it again ya called it? S green. … ah, soylent green. Can't say I ever really heard of it, though hearin' "Soylent green is Turkey!" bein' yelled out really made things clear. Ya could've just said ya wanted a bird cooked for their holiday meal.
A nice dinner made from Turkey, I can tell that it's goin' to be a re- wait. Just what was that? Ya really thought I wouldn't catch on, did ya?
Tch, and ya know that joke's gettin' old now, right? Yeah yeah yeah, sure, laugh it up, but I'm not going to stay here and let ya make me into yer din- oi! Get yer filthy hands off me, ya damn, dirty apes! Don't think I'm going to let ya roast, grill, fry, or whatever th' hell it is ya do to those birds be done to me, so stick that fork in yourself, cause I'm nowhere near done.
Ya call this holiday "Thanksgiving", and I can tell ya got nothing to be thankful 'bout, but in case ya haven't noticed, it's about four months away, an' that's way too damn early to start cookin' somthin'. If ya had any brains, which ya probably don't judgin' by th' way yer friends outside keep on moanin' and groanin' for "braaaaaaains", ya would know it's July and not November and the difference between a turkey and the Republic of Turkey! So ya might as well just let me go right now and try to get me again then. I welcome th' challenge of ya tryin' to get me, because I'm sure as hell not goin' to stay here for four months an' I want to see what ya got. Hell, I'm even givin' ya a chance to try an' get stronger.
… Ya can trust me, I won't disappear. I'm a man of my word, so I won't run around and try to desert you.
Poll Vote!
Character The Corinthian
Series: The Sandman and spinoffs
Character Age: Looks about 25-30, but has been around for far longer.
Job: Trunk Inspector
Canon: Neil Gaiman's The Sandman follows its titular character through time, space, dreams, friendships, enemyships and despairs. He goes by many names, The Sandman, Morpheus, the Lord Shaper -- in other words, he is the embodiment of Dream, and has six siblings who embody other traits (Desire, Despair, Death, Destiny, Destruction and Delirium). Within Dream's realm, which is shockingly called "The Dreaming", there are all sorts of creatures and shades that a person might see while half awake -- and if they're lucky, never while fully awake because no Dreaming is whole without a few nightmares.
The Corinthian is one such nightmare. At first glance one might find him a relatively well spoken, charming man with a hint of charisma and a broad smile. Spend a little more time with him, and the smile might get a bit sharper, his words carry a bit more hidden threat and it's pretty odd that he wears his sunglasses all the time. And, if you're very lucky, you'll not get to know him any better. Because underneath that façade is a serial killer that has garnished the admiration of many of his peers. His signature is cutting out (and eating) the eyes of his young male victims, and he's been known to be proficient in tying them up and storing them as well. Don't look too worried, he's not a cannibal, after all! Just a nightmare with somewhat. . . specific tastes.
Sample App:
How are you, gentlemen? Quite the pleasant night we're having, isn't it? Well, I suppose it is a bit rrragh inducing, the weather's been hotter than normal - but down in these parts shouldn't you be used to this sort of thing? You wouldn't call me a local by any means, but I've spent some time down here before. A little get-together with friends, you know? Perfectly legit and all, but a little special interest, so don't mind if I leave out the details.
Now, usually I don't do favors for women - even ones as overbearingly pleasant as your Miss Elizabeth Sayre, but the way she framed her request was too delicious to pass up. The job title is something like "Trunk Inspector", but since this old Buick seems to be the only car around I might have to pick up a few hobbies to keep me busy. Though this probably used to be a nice car, Buick Roadmaster. There's some famous book about a car like this, ever read it? Something about a haunted car that kills people. Couldn't have been very good.
Righto, so I guess I'll get to examining. It'd be nice if you could keep your hands to yourself - not that I don't appreciate a bit of help now and then, but you're leaving smudges. See, this here is a pretty good sized truck, bit of a curved interior and some padding. It hasn't got a spare tire bunk, but there's enough room for some good sized luggage. Or, say, a young man about five foot six, curled up on his side or so. He'd fit in here real nice. Not that I spend time stuffing young men into the trunks of cars or anything, that's a little ridiculous, isn't it?
I said to keep your hands to yourself. I'm not usually into the undead type, there's something really tacky about 'em, they kind of stick to your teeth, you know? Yeah, I'm addressing you, with the off-green rot-colored eyes. Now your friend there, I'm sure he was a looker when he was alive. Don't usually think brown's a nice color, but with eyes like that on a corpse, can't even imagine what they'd be like before they filmed over.
All right, job done, what's next? Campers? Sounds good to me, I'd like to see some of them, if you don't mind.
Poll Vote!
Character: Lee Scoresby (and Hester)
Series: His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
Character Age: Both 59
Job: Camp Aeronaut and Sky Diving Instructor
Canon: His Dark Materials is a trilogy of books which draws on literature, mythology, theology, natural science, modern philosophy, quantum mechanics and particle physics to tell a tale of war, love, life and death that spans this and every other world. A war is brewing between the old order of Heaven and those who would rebel against it, and Lyra, a girl with the ability to divine meaning from an ancient and powerful instrument, has a crucial role to play in all of it. The story takes place across a myriad of alternate universes, with Lyra coming from a world both tantalizingly similar to and wholly different from our own: one where zeppelins fill the sky, where the Church looms over all, where the frozen North is populated by wise witches and sentient bears, and where every human being's soul exists outside of his or her body, as an intelligent animal companion known as a dæmon.
Lee Scoresby is an aeronaut, a New Dane from the country of Texas (for in Lyra's world, there is no United States of America), and he and his hare dæmon, Hester, have made their living for more than thirty years exploring, transporting and traveling all over the North in his hardy yellow balloon. Though he's a cunning and quick-witted technician, he's also a true gentleman, and often a victim of his own good heart: unable to resist a soul in need, and with little tolerance for bullies or abusive figures, he gets in over his head from time to time. Though skilled with a rifle, he dislikes violence and on the whole would just like to earn enough money to retire to his homeland and live in peace -- if only destiny, and his taste for adventure, didn't keep getting in the way.
Note: italicized comments in the sample post represent Hester's speech.
Sample Post:
I don't know, Hester, that don't look like any part of Li'siana I've ever seen. You think maybe the witch's dæmon was misleadin' us?
Hell, that weren't no witch's dæmon, Lee. Just cos it's talkin' and flyin' don't mean it's got anythin' useful to say.
Yeah, I guess you're right. He was a mighty rude critter, whatever he was. Tellin' us to fuck off an' die just cos we asked the name of this here Camp... some folks just got no manners, Hester.
Best you not keep gettin' us involved with 'em, then.
A job's a job, Hester. Maybe that fella down there can answer our questions... Hey! You, down there! Hello! Good day to you, sir, and may I first compliment you on your very fine monkey su-- Oh! Well, then, on your very fine, uh, skirt. No, sir, no I do not think it's strange! If bears can wear armor, ain't no reason I can imagine why apes can't wear, uh-- what'cha call 'em, Hester? Tutu, that's it. You have a lovely tutu.
Anyway, sir, I'm a new arrival in this place, and I was hopin' you might be able to help me find this Director Sayre. I've got just a couple a' questions about the nature of the work she's hired me to do. I can understand the need for an aeronaut in this place -- surveyin' the land, watchin' the movements of those damn unsettlin' shambling things, things of that sort're all well and good -- but I'm havin' a devil of a time figurin' out what Sky Divin' might be. D'you think you could possibly shed some light on the subject?
Beg your pardon? I'm sorry, sir, but I think I must be misunderstandin' you. Why would anyone want to jump out of an aeroplane? Seems a damn foolish thing to me. And anyway, as you can see I don't have an aeroplane, just this old balloon, and if any a' my passengers tried to jump out of it, I'd consider myself to be doin' my job pretty poorly, let me tell you. Beggin' your pardon, sir, I ain't tryin' to disagree with you or start a ruckus, I'm just tryin' to make sense a' things. Well, maybe the Director c'n answer my questions herself... Thank you for your time, sir.
I don' know, Hester, I don't like to judge what other people do for fun, but that just seems mighty strange. I sure hope Miss Sayre doesn't expect us to go jumpin' out of-- Hey! Get away from the gasbag, y'damn bird! Dæmon or not, don't think I won't take measures-- Ahh! Damn it, that's a rupture for sure. Come on and hold onto me, Hester; looks like we're headin' down, whether we like it or not.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Mickey Mouse.
Series: Kingdom Hearts-canon.
Age: Series treats him as an adult.
Job: Captain of camp’s tour boat.
Canon: The forces of darkness are gathering throughout the multiverse, their sights set on the annihilation of all that is light and just. Heroes chosen by weapons of legend must rise to the occasion and fight this cataclysmic battle across the cosmos, striking down evil wherever it can be found! One of them happens to be Mickey Mouse, king of Disney Castle where everything works according to cartoon logic. These and many other strange events are commonplace in Kingdom Hearts, the collaboration of video game juggernaut Square-Enix and fairy tale-tellers and movie makers Disney, where Disney-stories serve as worlds in a setting where ships made out of candy dogfight in outer space, there can never be enough zippers or zany accessories, and good always triumphs over evil.
If one expects King Mickey to be posh and proper just because he’s a king, one would be mistaken. While not entirely the same carefree jokester he is in the animated shorts, Mickey is still a kindhearted mouse who always tries to see the best in everyone, support them during their time of need and keep his eyes firmly set on the most optimistic ending. He is an experienced warrior and leader who does his best to give guidance to the plucky young heroes he encounters, but who understands and respects those who are trying to fight their own battles. Neither pushing what he believes onto others or accepting threats against that which he holds dear, Mickey manages to be a kind king, stalwart warrior and thoughtful planner… who has no issues at all with hugging whomever needs hugs. He is simply put the best friend a gang of kids with improbable hairstyles and a mission to save the universe could ever hope to have.
Sample App:
Alright, if everyone’s seated I’d like to start off by welcoming ya’ll onboard the Steamy FantaSea 4. I know the name’s a bit strange, but all things considered strange seems to be a pretty good summary of this place. From gettin’ a message askin’ you to come help build a theme park-world for multiple worlds without tellin’ them there's a barrier around said world trappin' everyone who goes near, to havin’ the welcomin’ committee be an octopus that needs to learn there’s something like too many hugs… gee, I mean there’s a reason we're already up to The Steamy FantaSea 4, I can tell ya that much.
Still, I’m not gonna get outta here by complainin’. Let me introduce myself: the name’s Mickey Mouse, king of Disney Castle and world traveller. Miss Sayre decided to make me a tour guide so I could talk up camp to the newcomers, since she heard I ”had over half a centuries experience hawking all kinds of shoddy merchandise to little kids”… I got a feelin’ there’s more to that than her just tryin’ to insult me, but for the moment I figure the best thing to concentrate on is getting this job on the road: literally speakin’ since we’re lakelocked right now. I know it’s risky havin’ a meeting out here, but as long as we just keep the volume down while the workers prepare our ’river-road’ outta here we’ll be fine.
Ha ha, that’s right: ya can’t have a tour without a scenic route, but since I don’t wanna step on any toes I tried to figure out a way to get it done quickly and without hurtin’ camp. Everythin’ worked out though, because I found some local talent willin’ to help me out real fast: moles and pelicans! The moles’ll dig a river out of the lake that I can travel on, throwin’ up all the dirt in the air so the pelicans can catch it in their beaks and dump it behind the boat. That way we keep camp just the way it is AND can go wherever we wanna go! How they breathe underwater? Miss Sayre lent me snorkels! How they can survive in lakewater? Well, she also gave me these really tiny hazard-divin’-suits- Hey, hey, calm down! I get that ya want your own hazard suits, but getting angry at those who have them's not gonna solve anything. I’d like to help ya, but the ones they got are so small the only way ya could wear them is if ya took lots of them and sew them together- hey! Don’t all jump in, ya can’t take their suits! Besides you’ll wake up Marcy- scratch that, she’s already awake! Everyone, sit down, I’m gonna have to get serious here!
… There, that barrier will slow her down. But it’s not gonna last forever so we need to act fast: Gorillas, start shoveling coal in the engine and pull up those who jumped in, toucans head to the wheel and take us to that spot of land, zombies… just keep all extremities over the railing! Don’t worry, just blaze right ahead! See? Told you the moles could dig us out of here! And with the pelicans blocking up the path behind us, we’ll be out of tentacle reach in no time! All thanks to the power of team-work and believin' in each other overcoming the power of fear!
… Ha ha, come on, what’s with those groans? Ya gotta expect cheesy lines from a mouse!
Poll Vote!