(no subject)
New round \o/ keep those apps coming in!!!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Cain
Series: Utahime
Character Age: No canon age, but probably around 17 or so.
Canon: Some magical countries have defenses like barriers or mystical walls or magic lakes that only allow passage across during a full moon. Not the country in Utahime - they have Song Princesses. These women sing every night and their song grants the area around them protection. A Song Princess always has a beautiful voice and is always female. Well. Almost always female. Cain happens to be, as far as he or anyone else knows, the only male Song Princess.
One might expect a princess to be reserved or polite. Cain is neither of these. His natural temperament is snappish and prone to quick insults (a childhood friend has the honor of being called a bug, praying mantis and parasite - these are all "endearing insults"), so you might say he's a little guarded and a touch angry. Cain is also a learned con artist, with the ability to sparkle like a host and make passingly cutting remarks about others' talents or lack thereof. Don't mistake his moments of egotistical suaveness as being calm and collected, though. Cain tends more towards the scale of "flaily" and easily flustered than stoic.
Sample Post:
Forty-seven minutes, thirty seconds. Forty-seven minutes, forty seconds. Forty-seven minutes, fifty seconds - Augh! What did that damn bug say? I'll meet you there, Cain! That's what he said! And you know what? He's not here. Making me wait around in a place like this, expecting to see his stupid glasses poking around from behind that weird wiggling tree-thing. Weird wiggling tree-thing that wears clothes. Sure, why not! This is what I get for letting him pick the place to meet. I guess I should be glad he didn't pick a hornet's nest or mudhole for us to meet in, but this is almost as bad! What's with this place? I should have turned back at the "Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth" sign. Or, I guess, the swamp and the insects and the I don't even know what that is and the - hello, ladies!
Ahaha, no, no, I wasn't critiquing your home at all! I was just giving it a good look over. They say that having a keen eye is one of the first pieces of diplomacy! Ah. No. I'm not that kind of diplomat. Really, maybe it's better if we leave it at that, because I would definitely not want to navigate through any sort of political waters with people named T. . . Turgid or. So! Moving on!
I'm just a traveler passing through. I seem to have gotten lost, so if you just point me in the right direction I'll be on my way. Not that I'm abandoning you or anything, my fine green-skinned companions. . . I'm just. . . in a bit of a rush! You are unusually insistent. . . A rush to spend more time with you, of course! But they say idle hands do the devil's work! And give you hairy palms. So to avoid that, why don't we play a little game?
If I win, I would certainly appreciate some help and if you win, I can give you. . . uh. What?! I must have misheard you. . . ah, yes, that makes more sense, and if you win I'll let you pick my brains. Hahaha, silly me thinking you said eat my brains. . . Right! So the way this works is I have two die, count them: one, two. I put them in this cup here - and shake it - and turn the cup upside down on the ground, like so. You try to guess if the sum total of the numbers showing are even or odd! So, have at it!
Since you seem a little preoccupied with that. . . sore, rash, skin condition thing there, I'll go first and take a wild guess: evens! And look at that, I won! I know for sure that I'm shocked. Now, if you could just help me out here, I'm looking for the capita - woah! Woah! Hey! Ladies, please! While I'm flattered you'd want to invite me to your after-hours party, I'm still a kid and that's no place for kids, right ♥ ?
Dammit! No means no! Moldhead! Rotten pumpkin face! Garden variety weed! Slime covered snot blob! . . . HELP, HELP, I'M IN NEED OF AN ADULT!
Poll Vote!
Character: Takino Tomo
Series: Azumanga Daioh
Age: 18
Canon: Azumanga Daioh is a series about six high school girls, their teachers, their school life, their summer vacations, and not much else. It's like Seinfeld in that it's a "show about nothing," although unlike in Seinfeld, most of the characters are not selfish, deluded jerks who constantly get themselves into trouble with their own poor judgment. Except for Takino Tomo, who is exactly that: an energetic idiot with about a gram of common sense balanced against a tonne of ego. The loud and hyperactive Tomo spends most of her time annoying other people. In conversation she is loud, excitable, shameless, ignorant, and disrespectful. For some reason, everyone puts up with her anyway. Go figure!
Even though her grades are low and her physical prowess is nonexistent, Tomo insists upon competing with everyone, whether challenging the school's athletic ace to a race or trying to outdo the wealthy child prodigy Mihama Chiyo on a test. It's a testament to her inflated ego that she seems to genuinely believe that someday she might win; the only thing she lacks unwarranted confidence in is her own flat chest. If Tomo applied herself she might have half a chance, but as that would cut down on the time she spends slacking off, running around screaming, and tormenting her best friends with cruel jokes and verbal abuse, she ends up in or near last place every time.
Note: Tomo is being taken from the end of the manga, at which time Chiyo-chan leaves Japan to study in an American university.
Sample Post:
WHAT UP, AMERICANS! A-HA! Say no more! Say nothing at all! I can tell by your slack-jawed stares that The Legend of Tomo has already graced American shores! Well, it was only a matter of time. With Chiyo-chan in this country-that's "Chan-Chiyo" to you crazy backwards foreigners-surely crowds are gathering already to ask her, "So how did you graduate high school so young? You're a genius!" "Not at all," she replies! "I could never have done it without the help of one beautiful older woman who guided me in my times of need! A woman with such talent, such pizazz, such kindness that she sacrificed her own grades to help me succeed! Tomo-chan, it should be you traveling overseas in my place! It should be you!" Well, America, your prayers have been answered! It's time for you to meet the woman behind the girl! And by the way, my grades weren't that bad, either, no matter what she told you! That little scamp.
Man, what the crap am I doing talking about school during summer vacation? I've been trying to block those memories out for months! In fact, if you even have classrooms in American summer camps, I'm going to have to ask you not to let me into any classes or assign me any homework. Why, you ask? I'll tell you! It's not because just the thought of it makes me want to cry! It's because seeing the Amazing Chan-Tomo in action might cause an international incident! Check this out. WHA-POW! I just added 55,674 and 78,976 in my head! What's the answer? How did I manage it so fast? Don't ask me, suckers! The secrets of the Japanese educational system are our own! Go back to using those calculators we built for you! Try calculating your BMI between cheeseburgers while you're at it!
But that's not the point! Yes, while schoolwork may be off-limits for the summer, I do have a pleather of other skills! For example! You Americans may have me beat when it comes to big breasts, but that's not going to help your breaststroke! Those massive chest-buoys of yours can only slow you down, so if you think you can take me on, I'll be waiting by the pool! If that's too much for you, how about some track and field? Where's the track, anyway? Don't you guys have a track? Come to think of it, if this is a summer camp, shouldn't you all be building rafts and making lanyards and singing Kumbaya around a bonfire instead of shuffling around drooling? What the hell kind of summer camps do you guys come up with in the States? No wonder you all look like you need a little more sun!
Well, worry not, peons! Let me introduce you to the all-new, once-in-a-lifetime experience of Camp Fuck You To-Camp Tomo You D-Camp Tomo You Tomo! Let Daddy lovingly guide you in your summer fun! For though we come from different worlds, our hearts all beat with the same respect for me! In Japan, I received the same vacant stares of awe! Just like you, my classmates looked to me to provide the brains they needed! Just like you, they shambled away shaking their heads, muttering something about a head full of-
HEY!!! SEE IF I EVER OFFER TO HELP YOU FOOLS AGAIN!
Poll Vote!
Character: Deidara
Series: Naruto
Character Age: 19
Canon: In a classic coming of age story, Naruto has all the essentials: bonds, rivalry, self-discovery, and ninjas. Naruto, the title character, is a boy who follows his dream of becoming the village leader by never giving up, exceeding everyone's expectations, and sticking to his way of the ninja no matter what. It's a difficult task considering he tends to fail a lot, not to mention he's been shunned since birth for being a jinchuuriki, a "human container" for the nine-tailed demon fox that ravaged his home village many years earlier. In addition to that, one major threat he faces is the Akatsuki, an organization hellbent on capturing as many jinchuuriki as they can, and extracting the powerful tailed beasts' chakra from within for their own use in eventual world domination.
Enter the artist Deidara. Formerly a terrorist bomber for hire, Deidara was recruited into Akatsuki for his specialty in clay explosives. Thanks to his Bloodline Limit, a genetic trait that gifts a person with special abilities, Deidara was born with a mouth in each palm -- which he uses to mold chakra-infused clay into small explosive figures. He detonates these on command to create what are, in his opinion, artistic explosions of the utmost beauty. As an artist he holds a general respect for other artists but will vehemently disagree with viewpoints that clash with his style. As a ninja he is ruthless, intelligent, analytical, occasionally sarcastic, and hard to phase. He's barely flinched when attacking forces have ripped off his arms, and remained levelheaded about it until they could be reattached later on. That said, he's much like his explosives: seemingly calm and placid until you set him off. Don't want him to explode at you? Don't insult his art, don't look down on him, and don't do anything to get on his nerves.
Notes: Deidara's dialect commonly has him add a sound to the end of sentences that is frequently translated as "mm" or "yeah." Also, to detonate bombs, Deidara performs a hand seal and recites the codeword 'katsu.'
Sample Post:
This wasn't what I had in mind when I said I'd take a look at your art, yeah? I've got somewhere to be and no time to waste on sightseeing. Remember, this is only for information on that barrier in the sky. As soon as you tell me how to get me and my clay birds past it, I'm outta here. Now, you'd called yourself an artist, yeah? That means I expected to see real art. This... is not. It's nothing more than a rotting dead person riding a mechanical animal. The skull design hat it's wearing comes off as redundant. Then you went with the original dead body, instead of carving or molding it out of another material. As a result, I can't tell if those green plants growing all over it are intentional or only weeds you never bothered to prune. This sculpture stinks, yeah? The mooing and moaning only add to the annoyance.
Look, purple guy, this better be a joke and the real art is somewhere else. All you've done is combine random things-- so it's the art style you practice? I've never heard of Comboism, and I don't see how this sculpture fits with "making cool things even cooler by combining many into one form." I guess I can respect the amount of labor you put into this, but your efforts to produce a result greater than the sum of the combined parts were a waste. Hey! Learn to take criticism like a decent self-respecting artist. I don't care if it's unfinished; crit is essential for works in progress. It's missing something important, yeah. A unifying element. You'll need that if you plan to stick to your style.
Huh, what's this? It seems you already bothered to title it. Let's see... 'Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot'... mm? What? How does this have anything to do with ninjas?
... So that's why you led me here, mm. Well, color me insulted. If you think for one moment that you're going to add me to your sculpture to complete it, you're dead wrong! How dare you even suggest it! Just for that, I'll show you what real art is! A few clay birds and spiders like these, there they go, and in moments I'll turn you and your rotting ninjaless combination into the most beautiful, exquisite explosion of art you've ever seen! Hahahaha, take it as an honor. Because art is a bang! Katsu!
Now that was a blast, however, I should be on my... how strange, those plant sprigs grew back instantly, berries and all. ...Hey!! Why are the mouths in my palms kissing each other?! What put you guys in the mood, mm?!
Poll Vote!
Character name: Haia Salinvan Lyia
Series: Chrome Shelled Regios (anime)
Age: Looks about 16 - 17
Canon: Welcome to the end of the world! Or, just a little afterward. In a barren world with polluted air and dangerous creatures called Filth Monsters roaming the land, humanity persists with survival by living in protected, roaming cities powered by Electronic Faeries. Layfon Alseif is the hero of the story, and all he's trying to do is live a simple life in the city of Zuellni. Unfortunately, his fighting prowess and his history with the strongest military artists around-the Heaven's Blades Receivers-quickly become known, and he's out on the front lines: exactly where he doesn't want to be. But despite all his awesome fighting skills, not everyone's up for joining the Layfon fanclub. Enter Haia, a smug gang leader with a vendetta against Layfon.
Haia is the head of the Salinvan Guidance Mercenary Gang, paid by the Queen to go to Zuellni and "detain" some faeries gone wild. Haia is bold, confident, and has no qualms using underhanded means of getting what he wants, whether it be kidnapping girls or selling drugs illegally. More often than not, he's seen with a huge grin, unafraid to be completely laid-back and condescending when it comes to poking fun at or mocking friends and foe alike. But he does have some redeeming qualities, really! He gives excellent advice (Why don't you get better at hiding your presence by stalking the guy you like?), is very forgiving (that grudge against Layfon for how many years doesn't count), and completely sympathetic to people around him. (Eh, your friend's in a coma. It happens.) ...Well. At least he's honest?
Note: a Haikizoku is an Electronic Faerie whose city has been destroyed and polluted, and roams through other cities trying to cause trouble due to its despair. For added fun, they also possess people and take on the appearance of various animals.
Sample Entry:
Ahh? So this is what a widow's city looks like. You'd think a person would make a run for it once it got so polluted, but she's still desperately clinging to the remains-it sounds pretty tragic when you say it out loud. She's probably lost her reason to live, reduced to bumbling around like some of the creatures here. Unfortunate, but I'm not here to listen to her troubles. With the Queen making such a fuss about having me capture the Haikizoku personally, it'd be easier if Sayre weren't gloomy and depressed. If you're getting information from a girl, she might as well be easy to deal with. But I've been waiting here forever. If her personality's better than her sense of timing, I'll consider myself lucky.
It can't be helped. Even if she intends to stand me up now, there are always other ways to get information from women. ...Oh? Who are you supposed to be? You certainly don't look like a director of a city. You're trying a little too hard to look official, dressing up like that, but you can't blame me for expecting someone a little more feminine and healthy. But you seem to have more than just a foot in the grave, so I can't really be surprised with how long you took. Haa, don't get upset now. You should try not to fall apart over small comments like that, especially since you're representing the widow. It's too bad she couldn't come here herself, but it just means that you'll be assisting me instead. So why don't we just get down to business: the location of the Haikizoku. It's here, of course, but it's more of a matter of catching it-and you'll be the one showing me where it was last seen. After that, you simply need to be there while my gang takes care of it. Simple. That way we'll both be happy.
Ahh? As a representative of the client, you should learn to speak properly. It'll be the widow's problem if I can't understand what you mean, but since you're already helping me out, I can recommend a tongue exercise to help you out. Surely you've heard of tying knots in cherry stems? It'll also help make you popular with your associates, I'm sure. But don't worry about it too much right now, since I was told this meeting place was close to the spot where the Haikizoku was sighted. Oh? What a clueless expression you have on your face. I wonder if she hires just anyone, since it looks like I'll have to spell it out. Listening? Instead of having you tell me, we'll do something easy-just point it out to me. Don't strain yourself too much; at least this much should be possible for you to do, right?
So it was hiding in the lake, hm? Haa, it looks like it's still there too, from all that glowing. And here's the last thing you need to do for me, window's representative: you just need to draw it out. Of course, it might be more successful if Sayre herself had come, but being a citizen of the city, you'll work just as well. Don't be shy; after all, you agreed to this. It's too late now, anyway; it looks like it's coming out of hiding.
Hohhh? That Haikizoku is pretty big-no wonder I was told the job was urgent. But don't be too hasty now, widow's assistant-you're still needed here. You've drawn it out, but there's no guarantee it'll stay once you're gone, so just stay at the edge of the lake. You can take it like a man, can't you? So trust me, I'm a professional. Just hold out until I come back with my gang and some protection, hm?
Poll Vote!
Character: Alice/B-Rabbit
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: Appears about 13
Canon: Once upon a time, nursery rhymes, Alice in Wonderland and the Elder Gods had a wild orgy. The product was Pandora Hearts, a canon where no-one is who they seem, every second person has an alternate personality that will fuck your shit up, and for some reason people keep forming contracts with eldritch abominations (known as "Chains") that damn you to the Abyss after you use them enough. Entering this world of lies and misdirection is one Oz Vessalius, the scion of the Vesalius family who, strangely enough, is right at the centre of the machinations about taking control of the Abyss. But enough about Oz. Let's talk about his mistress, Alice, who bullied Oz into forming a contract with her after Oz was pushed into the Abyss on his fifteenth birthday.
Alice is one of the feared Chains around, as her other persona is that of B-Rabbit, the resident Abyss Rapist. Much to her dismay, Alice is stuck in the form of a downright adorable girl, complete with blushes, awkward silences, kicking people with her hooker boots, terrorising them in her quest for meat right now and making them her bitch. Bad tempered is the kindest way of describing Alice, although "tsundere" would be a lot more accurate. She seeks her memories of what happened to her and why she was cast into the Abyss so long ago, and she chases after these memories with a ferocious intensity, completely ignoring suggestions that maybe she forgot everything that happened for a reason. In a canon where everyone has hidden motivations and uses people without qualm, Alice's fierce and transparent determination to locate her true self is unique. She's the one who wears her heart on her sleeve while others hide their pain with a smile. Some of this comes through Alice's complete ignorance of human consciousness: she thinks that jealousy has a flavor, has to be told what the words are for "alone" and "accompanied", and her understanding of abstract concepts is sometimes downright strange. But don't feel sorry for her! She has those hooker boots, and she will use them!
Sample Post:
Did you really think you could kidnap me? What fools you are. I'll show you the wrath of B-Rabbit if you even think about double-crossing me again! Well? Are you laughing at me? Don't lie. I can tell, and I'll kick the truth out of you! And I'd win, of course because my legs aren't half-rotten and squishy. It's only proper that you would lose. You're so made of Deceit that it turned you rotten inside. Destroying you would be a piece of cake! But because I'm so kind, I won't show you how weak you are. So listen to the rotting trash in the back shaking his head and going "no brains". The only one with brains around here is me! Now tell me what's going on and why my manservant is missing. Or else.
So it's a game, hm? Hoohh, I'll crush you all under my feet! You'll be begging "Mistress Alice, please take mercy" after I'm done with you. I could take mercy on you, if you tell me what I want to know before I crush it out of you. Be quick about it, I've got better things to do than listen to pathetic wretches like you. Time's ticking and you wouldn't want to make me late, would you? Especially if you're playing such a stupid game like guarding hovels. Bases? I don't care what they're called! Stop wasting my time! And what stupid game means you take something I'd miss and I have to capture it? It's stupid. I have a very important date, and if you've made me late to punish my manservant, it won't go well for you. So where are you hiding him? Stop moaning and tell me. I could just find him, but asking you is easier. So you should tell me, because I'm your mistress. Well?
He's at fourth base? No-one gets to fourth base before I do! The servant there is all mine, and I won't share him with you. Not a bit! The whole thing will be mine and if someone sticks in so much as a finger into my base, I'll bite it off! Consider this your last warning, trash, that I, B-Rabbit, feared chain of the Abyss will destroy you if you get between me and my possessions! Make no mistake, I don't care about what happens to him. He's just my possession, and I won't be sharing with the likes of you. You aren't good enough to touch my things, or even be near me. I've tolerated you long enough! Take your minstrels and run away! I don't care if you're settled here or not, I claim all of this area as mine. All of your bases belong to me. So pack up your camps and leave. You don't have a chance of getting in my way. Don't think about bribing me! My mind's made up, and there's nothing you can offer me, nothing at all -- meat?! Where were you hiding that? Give it here!
Get back here right now! I'll get you for this! And your little roast dog too!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Cain
Series: Utahime
Character Age: No canon age, but probably around 17 or so.
Canon: Some magical countries have defenses like barriers or mystical walls or magic lakes that only allow passage across during a full moon. Not the country in Utahime - they have Song Princesses. These women sing every night and their song grants the area around them protection. A Song Princess always has a beautiful voice and is always female. Well. Almost always female. Cain happens to be, as far as he or anyone else knows, the only male Song Princess.
One might expect a princess to be reserved or polite. Cain is neither of these. His natural temperament is snappish and prone to quick insults (a childhood friend has the honor of being called a bug, praying mantis and parasite - these are all "endearing insults"), so you might say he's a little guarded and a touch angry. Cain is also a learned con artist, with the ability to sparkle like a host and make passingly cutting remarks about others' talents or lack thereof. Don't mistake his moments of egotistical suaveness as being calm and collected, though. Cain tends more towards the scale of "flaily" and easily flustered than stoic.
Sample Post:
Forty-seven minutes, thirty seconds. Forty-seven minutes, forty seconds. Forty-seven minutes, fifty seconds - Augh! What did that damn bug say? I'll meet you there, Cain! That's what he said! And you know what? He's not here. Making me wait around in a place like this, expecting to see his stupid glasses poking around from behind that weird wiggling tree-thing. Weird wiggling tree-thing that wears clothes. Sure, why not! This is what I get for letting him pick the place to meet. I guess I should be glad he didn't pick a hornet's nest or mudhole for us to meet in, but this is almost as bad! What's with this place? I should have turned back at the "Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth" sign. Or, I guess, the swamp and the insects and the I don't even know what that is and the - hello, ladies!
Ahaha, no, no, I wasn't critiquing your home at all! I was just giving it a good look over. They say that having a keen eye is one of the first pieces of diplomacy! Ah. No. I'm not that kind of diplomat. Really, maybe it's better if we leave it at that, because I would definitely not want to navigate through any sort of political waters with people named T. . . Turgid or. So! Moving on!
I'm just a traveler passing through. I seem to have gotten lost, so if you just point me in the right direction I'll be on my way. Not that I'm abandoning you or anything, my fine green-skinned companions. . . I'm just. . . in a bit of a rush! You are unusually insistent. . . A rush to spend more time with you, of course! But they say idle hands do the devil's work! And give you hairy palms. So to avoid that, why don't we play a little game?
If I win, I would certainly appreciate some help and if you win, I can give you. . . uh. What?! I must have misheard you. . . ah, yes, that makes more sense, and if you win I'll let you pick my brains. Hahaha, silly me thinking you said eat my brains. . . Right! So the way this works is I have two die, count them: one, two. I put them in this cup here - and shake it - and turn the cup upside down on the ground, like so. You try to guess if the sum total of the numbers showing are even or odd! So, have at it!
Since you seem a little preoccupied with that. . . sore, rash, skin condition thing there, I'll go first and take a wild guess: evens! And look at that, I won! I know for sure that I'm shocked. Now, if you could just help me out here, I'm looking for the capita - woah! Woah! Hey! Ladies, please! While I'm flattered you'd want to invite me to your after-hours party, I'm still a kid and that's no place for kids, right ♥ ?
Dammit! No means no! Moldhead! Rotten pumpkin face! Garden variety weed! Slime covered snot blob! . . . HELP, HELP, I'M IN NEED OF AN ADULT!
Poll Vote!
Character: Takino Tomo
Series: Azumanga Daioh
Age: 18
Canon: Azumanga Daioh is a series about six high school girls, their teachers, their school life, their summer vacations, and not much else. It's like Seinfeld in that it's a "show about nothing," although unlike in Seinfeld, most of the characters are not selfish, deluded jerks who constantly get themselves into trouble with their own poor judgment. Except for Takino Tomo, who is exactly that: an energetic idiot with about a gram of common sense balanced against a tonne of ego. The loud and hyperactive Tomo spends most of her time annoying other people. In conversation she is loud, excitable, shameless, ignorant, and disrespectful. For some reason, everyone puts up with her anyway. Go figure!
Even though her grades are low and her physical prowess is nonexistent, Tomo insists upon competing with everyone, whether challenging the school's athletic ace to a race or trying to outdo the wealthy child prodigy Mihama Chiyo on a test. It's a testament to her inflated ego that she seems to genuinely believe that someday she might win; the only thing she lacks unwarranted confidence in is her own flat chest. If Tomo applied herself she might have half a chance, but as that would cut down on the time she spends slacking off, running around screaming, and tormenting her best friends with cruel jokes and verbal abuse, she ends up in or near last place every time.
Note: Tomo is being taken from the end of the manga, at which time Chiyo-chan leaves Japan to study in an American university.
Sample Post:
WHAT UP, AMERICANS! A-HA! Say no more! Say nothing at all! I can tell by your slack-jawed stares that The Legend of Tomo has already graced American shores! Well, it was only a matter of time. With Chiyo-chan in this country-that's "Chan-Chiyo" to you crazy backwards foreigners-surely crowds are gathering already to ask her, "So how did you graduate high school so young? You're a genius!" "Not at all," she replies! "I could never have done it without the help of one beautiful older woman who guided me in my times of need! A woman with such talent, such pizazz, such kindness that she sacrificed her own grades to help me succeed! Tomo-chan, it should be you traveling overseas in my place! It should be you!" Well, America, your prayers have been answered! It's time for you to meet the woman behind the girl! And by the way, my grades weren't that bad, either, no matter what she told you! That little scamp.
Man, what the crap am I doing talking about school during summer vacation? I've been trying to block those memories out for months! In fact, if you even have classrooms in American summer camps, I'm going to have to ask you not to let me into any classes or assign me any homework. Why, you ask? I'll tell you! It's not because just the thought of it makes me want to cry! It's because seeing the Amazing Chan-Tomo in action might cause an international incident! Check this out. WHA-POW! I just added 55,674 and 78,976 in my head! What's the answer? How did I manage it so fast? Don't ask me, suckers! The secrets of the Japanese educational system are our own! Go back to using those calculators we built for you! Try calculating your BMI between cheeseburgers while you're at it!
But that's not the point! Yes, while schoolwork may be off-limits for the summer, I do have a pleather of other skills! For example! You Americans may have me beat when it comes to big breasts, but that's not going to help your breaststroke! Those massive chest-buoys of yours can only slow you down, so if you think you can take me on, I'll be waiting by the pool! If that's too much for you, how about some track and field? Where's the track, anyway? Don't you guys have a track? Come to think of it, if this is a summer camp, shouldn't you all be building rafts and making lanyards and singing Kumbaya around a bonfire instead of shuffling around drooling? What the hell kind of summer camps do you guys come up with in the States? No wonder you all look like you need a little more sun!
Well, worry not, peons! Let me introduce you to the all-new, once-in-a-lifetime experience of Camp Fuck You To-Camp Tomo You D-Camp Tomo You Tomo! Let Daddy lovingly guide you in your summer fun! For though we come from different worlds, our hearts all beat with the same respect for me! In Japan, I received the same vacant stares of awe! Just like you, my classmates looked to me to provide the brains they needed! Just like you, they shambled away shaking their heads, muttering something about a head full of-
HEY!!! SEE IF I EVER OFFER TO HELP YOU FOOLS AGAIN!
Poll Vote!
Character: Deidara
Series: Naruto
Character Age: 19
Canon: In a classic coming of age story, Naruto has all the essentials: bonds, rivalry, self-discovery, and ninjas. Naruto, the title character, is a boy who follows his dream of becoming the village leader by never giving up, exceeding everyone's expectations, and sticking to his way of the ninja no matter what. It's a difficult task considering he tends to fail a lot, not to mention he's been shunned since birth for being a jinchuuriki, a "human container" for the nine-tailed demon fox that ravaged his home village many years earlier. In addition to that, one major threat he faces is the Akatsuki, an organization hellbent on capturing as many jinchuuriki as they can, and extracting the powerful tailed beasts' chakra from within for their own use in eventual world domination.
Enter the artist Deidara. Formerly a terrorist bomber for hire, Deidara was recruited into Akatsuki for his specialty in clay explosives. Thanks to his Bloodline Limit, a genetic trait that gifts a person with special abilities, Deidara was born with a mouth in each palm -- which he uses to mold chakra-infused clay into small explosive figures. He detonates these on command to create what are, in his opinion, artistic explosions of the utmost beauty. As an artist he holds a general respect for other artists but will vehemently disagree with viewpoints that clash with his style. As a ninja he is ruthless, intelligent, analytical, occasionally sarcastic, and hard to phase. He's barely flinched when attacking forces have ripped off his arms, and remained levelheaded about it until they could be reattached later on. That said, he's much like his explosives: seemingly calm and placid until you set him off. Don't want him to explode at you? Don't insult his art, don't look down on him, and don't do anything to get on his nerves.
Notes: Deidara's dialect commonly has him add a sound to the end of sentences that is frequently translated as "mm" or "yeah." Also, to detonate bombs, Deidara performs a hand seal and recites the codeword 'katsu.'
Sample Post:
This wasn't what I had in mind when I said I'd take a look at your art, yeah? I've got somewhere to be and no time to waste on sightseeing. Remember, this is only for information on that barrier in the sky. As soon as you tell me how to get me and my clay birds past it, I'm outta here. Now, you'd called yourself an artist, yeah? That means I expected to see real art. This... is not. It's nothing more than a rotting dead person riding a mechanical animal. The skull design hat it's wearing comes off as redundant. Then you went with the original dead body, instead of carving or molding it out of another material. As a result, I can't tell if those green plants growing all over it are intentional or only weeds you never bothered to prune. This sculpture stinks, yeah? The mooing and moaning only add to the annoyance.
Look, purple guy, this better be a joke and the real art is somewhere else. All you've done is combine random things-- so it's the art style you practice? I've never heard of Comboism, and I don't see how this sculpture fits with "making cool things even cooler by combining many into one form." I guess I can respect the amount of labor you put into this, but your efforts to produce a result greater than the sum of the combined parts were a waste. Hey! Learn to take criticism like a decent self-respecting artist. I don't care if it's unfinished; crit is essential for works in progress. It's missing something important, yeah. A unifying element. You'll need that if you plan to stick to your style.
Huh, what's this? It seems you already bothered to title it. Let's see... 'Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot'... mm? What? How does this have anything to do with ninjas?
... So that's why you led me here, mm. Well, color me insulted. If you think for one moment that you're going to add me to your sculpture to complete it, you're dead wrong! How dare you even suggest it! Just for that, I'll show you what real art is! A few clay birds and spiders like these, there they go, and in moments I'll turn you and your rotting ninjaless combination into the most beautiful, exquisite explosion of art you've ever seen! Hahahaha, take it as an honor. Because art is a bang! Katsu!
Now that was a blast, however, I should be on my... how strange, those plant sprigs grew back instantly, berries and all. ...Hey!! Why are the mouths in my palms kissing each other?! What put you guys in the mood, mm?!
Poll Vote!
Character name: Haia Salinvan Lyia
Series: Chrome Shelled Regios (anime)
Age: Looks about 16 - 17
Canon: Welcome to the end of the world! Or, just a little afterward. In a barren world with polluted air and dangerous creatures called Filth Monsters roaming the land, humanity persists with survival by living in protected, roaming cities powered by Electronic Faeries. Layfon Alseif is the hero of the story, and all he's trying to do is live a simple life in the city of Zuellni. Unfortunately, his fighting prowess and his history with the strongest military artists around-the Heaven's Blades Receivers-quickly become known, and he's out on the front lines: exactly where he doesn't want to be. But despite all his awesome fighting skills, not everyone's up for joining the Layfon fanclub. Enter Haia, a smug gang leader with a vendetta against Layfon.
Haia is the head of the Salinvan Guidance Mercenary Gang, paid by the Queen to go to Zuellni and "detain" some faeries gone wild. Haia is bold, confident, and has no qualms using underhanded means of getting what he wants, whether it be kidnapping girls or selling drugs illegally. More often than not, he's seen with a huge grin, unafraid to be completely laid-back and condescending when it comes to poking fun at or mocking friends and foe alike. But he does have some redeeming qualities, really! He gives excellent advice (Why don't you get better at hiding your presence by stalking the guy you like?), is very forgiving (that grudge against Layfon for how many years doesn't count), and completely sympathetic to people around him. (Eh, your friend's in a coma. It happens.) ...Well. At least he's honest?
Note: a Haikizoku is an Electronic Faerie whose city has been destroyed and polluted, and roams through other cities trying to cause trouble due to its despair. For added fun, they also possess people and take on the appearance of various animals.
Sample Entry:
Ahh? So this is what a widow's city looks like. You'd think a person would make a run for it once it got so polluted, but she's still desperately clinging to the remains-it sounds pretty tragic when you say it out loud. She's probably lost her reason to live, reduced to bumbling around like some of the creatures here. Unfortunate, but I'm not here to listen to her troubles. With the Queen making such a fuss about having me capture the Haikizoku personally, it'd be easier if Sayre weren't gloomy and depressed. If you're getting information from a girl, she might as well be easy to deal with. But I've been waiting here forever. If her personality's better than her sense of timing, I'll consider myself lucky.
It can't be helped. Even if she intends to stand me up now, there are always other ways to get information from women. ...Oh? Who are you supposed to be? You certainly don't look like a director of a city. You're trying a little too hard to look official, dressing up like that, but you can't blame me for expecting someone a little more feminine and healthy. But you seem to have more than just a foot in the grave, so I can't really be surprised with how long you took. Haa, don't get upset now. You should try not to fall apart over small comments like that, especially since you're representing the widow. It's too bad she couldn't come here herself, but it just means that you'll be assisting me instead. So why don't we just get down to business: the location of the Haikizoku. It's here, of course, but it's more of a matter of catching it-and you'll be the one showing me where it was last seen. After that, you simply need to be there while my gang takes care of it. Simple. That way we'll both be happy.
Ahh? As a representative of the client, you should learn to speak properly. It'll be the widow's problem if I can't understand what you mean, but since you're already helping me out, I can recommend a tongue exercise to help you out. Surely you've heard of tying knots in cherry stems? It'll also help make you popular with your associates, I'm sure. But don't worry about it too much right now, since I was told this meeting place was close to the spot where the Haikizoku was sighted. Oh? What a clueless expression you have on your face. I wonder if she hires just anyone, since it looks like I'll have to spell it out. Listening? Instead of having you tell me, we'll do something easy-just point it out to me. Don't strain yourself too much; at least this much should be possible for you to do, right?
So it was hiding in the lake, hm? Haa, it looks like it's still there too, from all that glowing. And here's the last thing you need to do for me, window's representative: you just need to draw it out. Of course, it might be more successful if Sayre herself had come, but being a citizen of the city, you'll work just as well. Don't be shy; after all, you agreed to this. It's too late now, anyway; it looks like it's coming out of hiding.
Hohhh? That Haikizoku is pretty big-no wonder I was told the job was urgent. But don't be too hasty now, widow's assistant-you're still needed here. You've drawn it out, but there's no guarantee it'll stay once you're gone, so just stay at the edge of the lake. You can take it like a man, can't you? So trust me, I'm a professional. Just hold out until I come back with my gang and some protection, hm?
Poll Vote!
Character: Alice/B-Rabbit
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: Appears about 13
Canon: Once upon a time, nursery rhymes, Alice in Wonderland and the Elder Gods had a wild orgy. The product was Pandora Hearts, a canon where no-one is who they seem, every second person has an alternate personality that will fuck your shit up, and for some reason people keep forming contracts with eldritch abominations (known as "Chains") that damn you to the Abyss after you use them enough. Entering this world of lies and misdirection is one Oz Vessalius, the scion of the Vesalius family who, strangely enough, is right at the centre of the machinations about taking control of the Abyss. But enough about Oz. Let's talk about his mistress, Alice, who bullied Oz into forming a contract with her after Oz was pushed into the Abyss on his fifteenth birthday.
Alice is one of the feared Chains around, as her other persona is that of B-Rabbit, the resident Abyss Rapist. Much to her dismay, Alice is stuck in the form of a downright adorable girl, complete with blushes, awkward silences, kicking people with her hooker boots, terrorising them in her quest for meat right now and making them her bitch. Bad tempered is the kindest way of describing Alice, although "tsundere" would be a lot more accurate. She seeks her memories of what happened to her and why she was cast into the Abyss so long ago, and she chases after these memories with a ferocious intensity, completely ignoring suggestions that maybe she forgot everything that happened for a reason. In a canon where everyone has hidden motivations and uses people without qualm, Alice's fierce and transparent determination to locate her true self is unique. She's the one who wears her heart on her sleeve while others hide their pain with a smile. Some of this comes through Alice's complete ignorance of human consciousness: she thinks that jealousy has a flavor, has to be told what the words are for "alone" and "accompanied", and her understanding of abstract concepts is sometimes downright strange. But don't feel sorry for her! She has those hooker boots, and she will use them!
Sample Post:
Did you really think you could kidnap me? What fools you are. I'll show you the wrath of B-Rabbit if you even think about double-crossing me again! Well? Are you laughing at me? Don't lie. I can tell, and I'll kick the truth out of you! And I'd win, of course because my legs aren't half-rotten and squishy. It's only proper that you would lose. You're so made of Deceit that it turned you rotten inside. Destroying you would be a piece of cake! But because I'm so kind, I won't show you how weak you are. So listen to the rotting trash in the back shaking his head and going "no brains". The only one with brains around here is me! Now tell me what's going on and why my manservant is missing. Or else.
So it's a game, hm? Hoohh, I'll crush you all under my feet! You'll be begging "Mistress Alice, please take mercy" after I'm done with you. I could take mercy on you, if you tell me what I want to know before I crush it out of you. Be quick about it, I've got better things to do than listen to pathetic wretches like you. Time's ticking and you wouldn't want to make me late, would you? Especially if you're playing such a stupid game like guarding hovels. Bases? I don't care what they're called! Stop wasting my time! And what stupid game means you take something I'd miss and I have to capture it? It's stupid. I have a very important date, and if you've made me late to punish my manservant, it won't go well for you. So where are you hiding him? Stop moaning and tell me. I could just find him, but asking you is easier. So you should tell me, because I'm your mistress. Well?
He's at fourth base? No-one gets to fourth base before I do! The servant there is all mine, and I won't share him with you. Not a bit! The whole thing will be mine and if someone sticks in so much as a finger into my base, I'll bite it off! Consider this your last warning, trash, that I, B-Rabbit, feared chain of the Abyss will destroy you if you get between me and my possessions! Make no mistake, I don't care about what happens to him. He's just my possession, and I won't be sharing with the likes of you. You aren't good enough to touch my things, or even be near me. I've tolerated you long enough! Take your minstrels and run away! I don't care if you're settled here or not, I claim all of this area as mine. All of your bases belong to me. So pack up your camps and leave. You don't have a chance of getting in my way. Don't think about bribing me! My mind's made up, and there's nothing you can offer me, nothing at all -- meat?! Where were you hiding that? Give it here!
Get back here right now! I'll get you for this! And your little roast dog too!
Poll Vote!