(no subject)
New round! Biz's batch is still open, so be sure to vote on that one as well!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: The Master. (6th, alias "Harold Saxon")
Series: Doctor Who.
Character Age: Appears mid-thirties, actually hundreds of years old.
Job: Master of Disguise.
Canon: Doctor Who is a British sci-fi with an incredibly complex plot, continuity and history, so let's skip all that and get to the point. There was once a race of aliens called Time Lords who could see and manipulate all of space and time. Two in particular had a reputation for living at each other's throats, and these infamous enemies were known as "The Master" and "The Doctor". ...Then the Doctor wiped out all the Time Lords to end a war and they became the only two of their species left. As "Harold Saxon", the Master hypnotized Planet Earth into electing him as British Prime Minister and then killed one-tenth of the human race. When the Doctor reversed time and undid his actions, the Master deliberately died just to leave him sad and alone. But a hitch in his plan to return to life meant the Master lost the ability of his species to "regenerate" into a completely new body and is now stuck in a flawed and recognizable form, which drives him mad.
Or, madder than usual. The Master is several cogs short of working clockwork, and genuinely believes ownership and destruction of the universe is his birthright. Throughout his many regenerations he's remained evilly affable: charismatic, hypnotic, and drippingly sarcastic, not to mention filled with the condescension of a man convinced he is the smartest person alive. This incarnation hears an incessant internal drum-beat (actually a timey-wimey plot device) and enjoys teletubbies, trolling, and 21st Century pop. The regeneration mishap leaves him shooting lightning bolts and leaping tall buildings like a reject extra from Heroes, and apparently using that much energy makes him so hungry no amount of scenery will satisfy him. The Master now snaps between crazed laughter, scheming, and twitchily eating everything in sight - including people.
Sample Post:
Citizens of camp, rejoice! Your Lord and Master has arrived. Though I must say, I'm rather disappointed with the state of the place. It's bad enough that this stinking, backwater swamp is infested with brainless apes... did there have to be gorillas as well?
Ooh, tough crowd. Not to worry! I prefer a sense of humour in my victims, but it's by no means a requirement. Though I hardly think my employment application should need jokes when the content can stand so perfectly on its own. I know, I know - why would someone as charismatic and intelligent as myself wish to work in a place like this? For starters, the soup here is absolutely delicious, hot and wet and salty, all fingers and eyeballs and there's endless gallons of it. I'm hungry, I'm so hungry. Perhaps next I'll head over to the lake; I've rather a taste for calamari.
But I digress. I think it's time I explained just what I plan to do here. You see, this Summer Camp is sick. Its residents - sick. Look around! That man is missing an arm! It's obvious that you all need help. You need a doctor. I will do everything in my power to make your lives bearable, or my name isn't Harold Saxon. See, as Prime Minister of Camp, I could make this place so much better, and I'd ask nothing in return but your total obedience. And perhaps your soup. I don't need you to do anything that requires you to think too hard: the poll is right there. So vote Saxon! For a better future-
I beg your pardon? Master of Disguise? Oh, that's hilarious. I'm in stitches. Stuck in the same form- dying, flaring like magnesium, fizzling out like so much- yes, it's funny, isn't it? I'm so funny. But the joke's on you, campers! Because by this time tomorrow, you'll be marching to a different beat. You see, I've taken control of Elizabeth Sayre's loudspeaker system and I may have made a few . . . modifications. I'd explain the details, but I doubt you'd understand them - and I don't really want you foiling my scheme in the time it takes to tell it. I have read the Evil Overlord List, you know, and I'm not an idiot. No, you can all just wait and see: everything under the barrier will fall to my will, faster than you can say "Brains". You'll all sit up and listen. What to? The drums, my limb-shedding friend. The never-ending drums.
Hm? What's that? Well, yes. I suppose "the death of all you love" may very well be carried in the drumming of war.
Poll Vote!
Character: Randy Maclean, AKA Ryo
Series: FAKE
Age: Late 20s
Job: Counselor to Troubled Youth
Canon: The world of FAKE is one littered with murder mysteries, gay cops, and cockblocking galore. At the very center of this story are two cops, Dee and Ryo, who work together to handle New York City's crimes while developing a very slow but steady romance. The "good cop" in this "good cop, bad cop" partnership, Ryo is a generally well-mannered and soft-spoken man who follows the rules and completes his paperwork on time, the same of which can't be said for his partner. Add onto that a sharp sense for sleuthing, a generous heart, and a firm sense of morals and it's plain to see why Ryo's the precinct favorite.
Outside the office, Ryo's a loving and firm father figure to kids and a man who enjoys the simple things like cooking and cleaning. He's a little dense when it comes to matters of the heart as related to himself, but usually right on the ball when it comes to others. While all of this should add up to Ryo being a complete pushover, his occasional postal-worker outbursts tend to keep people from pulling anything funny. He knows when and how to put his foot down and is more likely to deliver a firm punch to the head than allow people under his care to get away with mischief.
Sample Post:
All right guys, attention over here. And you two give Jimmy back his leg right now, I mean it. Is everyone here? Let me begin by introducing myself; my name's Randy Maclean and I've been hired as your new camp counselor. Now I've been told that this group has been a little rowdier than the rest of the campers around here, so I'll be working exclusively with you guys until we work out some of those... uh, bad habits that you kids have picked up. Or at least until you guys stop hotwiring the robot cows.
A-Anyway, I'm sure that you're all wondering why you would need a personal counselor. The director is greatly concerned about your development into adults and frankly she's also tired of you mindlessly walking around like, well. Like zombies. So I'll be here to teach you guys how to find a healthy and safe balance of fun and work. Ah, and to make things more relevant we'll be covering topics that you can apply to everyday problems you face here in camp. Issues that you're all dealing with out there on the stree- er, swamps, like the organ black market or that ongoing turf war between the Legless gang and the One-Eyes. ... Those are just nicknames, right?
To start things off, I'd like to delve into a more serious issues. Drug usage, or ah, as the locals put it, "licking the Marcy," has been on the rise recently and it's important that you stay well-informed on the topic. Now I know you've heard over and over that drugs are bad for you, but I think you'll gain a better understanding if you actually see the effects on your body. Hold on, I've got a... aha, here it is. This is your brain. Erm, in this case Jimmy's brain, thank you again for volunteering it to the class. See how nice and healthy it looks? At least I think this is how a healthy one looks. It's all in one piece and not green, in any case. Now compare it to this brain, which is a model of a brain on dru-
... Or what was supposed to be a model and looks very much like it isn't. George, I noticed that your head is looking particularly lopsided. Oh don't smile at me like that, we're still having a talk later. And I'll be holding onto this as well.
If we can continue on, I've got here in my suitca-- ... Er, that is... has anyone seen my suitcase? Yes, that one right there, now could you please give it bac- I really don't think it's a good idea if you go through my things- Those are police property--!
... This is why we don't go through other people's things without permission. Handcuffs are not a toy, and with my things all over the floor like this it'll take forever to find the keys. Meanwhile, poor Jimmy's stuck to that tree that's trying to walk awa-
J-Jimmy!! We're coming!
Poll Vote!
Character: Sylvanas Windrunner
Series: Warcraft 3
Character Age: A couple centuries (canon doesn’t specify)
Job: Camp Defensive Commander and Resident Zombie Expert
Canon: Sylvanas used to be the Ranger General of Silvermoon, living with the other high elves in their happy magical city - until the Death Knight Arthas brought his horde of undead into their lands for a bout of genocide. Sylvanas's defense of Silvermoon proved to be very irritating to Arthas, and when he finally caught her, he decided some retribution was in order - meaning after he killed her, he didn't let her stay dead.
Since then, the undead Sylvanas has regained her free will and led a rebellion against her former masters, renaming her sentient zombie followers the “Forsaken” and declaring herself their queen. Her number one goal? Hunt down Arthas and make him her personal pincushion. (Goal number two: hate everything that has a pulse.)
She is, naturally, very bitter about her circumstances, but she’s fiercely loyal to her newfound people. She’s ambitious and calculating, and very good in a fight. She doesn’t shy away from allegiances, but don’t expect her to stay friends once you’ve served your purpose. A ruthless tactician, she has little care for consequences so long as she gets the desired ends.
Sample Post:
You are all pathetic.
You… “campers” are the most undisciplined collection of cowards I have ever had the displeasure of watching and I am insulted to even be in your presence - and if you knew all the despicable cretins I have seen in my life and unlife, your puny minds might grasp the gravity of that statement.
However, since we are all here trapped in unhappy circumstances, we must simply persevere and become stronger for it. That means you will pull up your urine-soaked pants, hold your head high (no hard task for some of you, considering all the air contained therein) - and when I say “attack,” you will do so with all the ferocity of a rabid wolf! I did not capture and chain those mindless undead to hear you sniveling brats complain of fatigue and hunger and “ew blood I just bought this shirt!” - they are there for you to hone your skills, so that I might get some use out of you wretches. You will practice until you have mastered every technique or until your arms fall from your bodies, whichever comes first - if it is the latter, fear not, your limbs will be put to good use elsewhere.
Those who are large and sturdy enough will be fighting at the head of our forces. Battle experience is helpful, but not strictly necessary - all you really need do is stand still long enough to provide some sort of hindrance. Meanwhile, those of you with weaker bodies and constitutions will be in the back, hurling spells or arrows or rocks or insults or whatever you can manage.
Those of you unsuited for magic or meatshielding will be put to work crafting armor from the bones I have collected. See to it that the bones are properly cleaned, I did only a cursory job of it myself. I am a very busy person and I do not have the time to be meticulously tearing scraps of flesh off of so many femurs.
And so help me, if I hear one more whimper out of any of you, you will know my definition of pain. Or at least as close as I may bring you with the resources available - sadly limited, but I can be creative. It pains me to stoop to working with such a miserable rabble as this, but a general must go to war with whatever army she is given.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Orihaya Izaya
Series: Durarara!! (DRRR!!)
Character Age: 23
Job: Officially Unofficial Camp Fuck You Die Troll
Canon: Longing for the excitement of the big city, Ryuugamine Mikado accepts an invitation from his childhood friend to transfer to a high school in Ikebukuro. During the tour of the city on his first night, Mikado is warned about the dangerous people to avoid, introduced to a group of otaku, and crosses paths with an urban legend. Durarara!! tells the story of many different people and their lives as they overlap and interact with each other. Ikebukuro is a city of mysteries, and not even a top information broker knows everything about it.
Said information broker happens to be one of the "dangerous people" Mikado is warned about: Orihaya Izaya. Though he's moved to Shinjuku now, he still spends quite an (unfortunate, in other people's opinion) amount of time in Ikebukuro. As he deals in information, he makes it his business to know the ins and outs of the underbelly of life, including that which most people would rather keep hidden. People are easier to use when you have something to hold over them, after all. He gets his jollies from setting people up for a fall and then watching their reactions; he claims it's because he "loves the human race" and how there's so much he still doesn't know about them. Us. (Read: manipulative bastard.) He's not afraid of confrontation, and often has his own special brand of making it worse by humoring and teasing his opponent-but it's okay, he's a pro. You didn't think dealing in information was a safe job, did you? Not really the type that appears to take things seriously, he's fond of using a sing-song voice, the audible equivalent of tildes and heartmarks, and is liable to turn any offhanded comment into a complete affront to your mother, your father, and your second cousin twice removed.
TL;DR: he's a troll. The trolliest troll to have ever trolled Ikebukuro. And Shinjuku. And the internet.
Sample Post:
Zombies, really? It's so crude, so inelegant, so 1940's. All those B-grade horror films . . . It's not my hobby to watch things like that, so I'll just have to make it my hobby to live it! -Oh, is this where I'm supposed to be the helpless victim? Really, lumbering around like that isn't cool at all. At least there'd be more atmosphere if it were nighttime instead of mid-afternoon-whoops! That was a close call; did I make you mad? How scary~! You're going to try to eat me now, huh. Scoop out my brains and have them with a cherry on top? Hahaha! Good luck! Be careful you don't trip over your arm, there! And I'd be careful not to kick his head, I hear it's bad form to use your friend as a soccer ball.
Well, whether you get taken apart here or end up eating each other, it has nothing to do with me. Even if you get blown up by trying to eat some camper's brains or fall into the volcano, it doesn't really matter. We have nothing to do with each other. A~ah . . . I guess that's not really true though. Since I've been hired to counsel and you're the only ones here, I'm probably meant to counsel you, which means we do have something to do with each other. Well, taking a few moments to counsel won't put too much of a dent into my life. What would you want to be counseled in, though? How to keep your whole three strands of hair silky smooth, maybe~! Or suggestions on the best skin care regime to prevent maggots. There're so many choices, what could I ever decide on? Oh. I know.
Do you want to disappear? Being as perceptive as I am, I'd say you don't. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks if you really want to live; you should decide for yourself. Think about it! What do you have left to live for? Ah, sorry, attempt to live for? What makes you more special than everyone else? You've had your chance at life already. Look at yourself, why don't you. You're barely holding together as it is, and you've completely lost your sense of self and individuality. How sad, how sad! Haha! It's so tragic, the way you cling to those attempts at life. "Brains, brains" is all you say, but do you even know why you're so desperate for them? Aah, it really is so sad. Eating someone else's brain isn't going to replace your own. It's also not going to make you any smarter or wiser or better at being alive-- trust me, people've tried. They're not any better for it. Think of it this way: eating fish isn't going to make you a better swimmer, or help you develop fins or gills or anything like that. Haha, that'd be interesting if it did though. Speaking of fish, things should be just about ready. Now then, I'll ask you three questions.
One: Why have I been talking like this? I'll give you a few hints, I didn't have to talk for so long and I'm not just wasting time. Two: What are we doing near the lake? Hint, I headed here as soon as I started talking. Three: How long does it take Marcy-san to grow curious?
Applicant #2
Character: Izaya Orihara
Series: Durarara!!
Character Age: 23
Job: Information Broker
Canon: Durarara!! is a series that revolves around a Dullahan who is searching for her missing head, a young boy named Mikado Ryugamine who longs for excitement in a big city, and his anonymous internet-based gang called “Dollars”. Izaya Orihara is part of this anonymous gang. He is an excellent information broker who was introduced as someone whom people should never make an enemy. For everything he does, no matter how questionable his actions are, he'll tell you this: he loves humans. He loves them so much that he places them in terrible situations just to observe their reactions.
But, his love for the human race can be described as a possessive, impersonal love. Izaya is an instigator at best and although it seems that he is able to guess perfectly what is wrong with a person, he has to communicate with them first to be able to do so. He's pretty blunt and will usually answer honestly when it comes to his true intentions as he also has enough ability and experience to remain level-headed even if the situation isn't in his favor. The majority of the time, Izaya comes off as calm and collected if not a little psychotic.
Sample Post:
Humans are weak, aren't they? To resort to such methods just to find the murderer of a fiancé . . . Hm, Miss Sayre, was it? If my assumptions are correct, you're unable to help yourself after the loss of your fiancé. The fact that you're stuck with an unsolved mystery, it's enough to motivate you to create a summer camp like this. You have some hope that this way, you'll be able to find the murderer quickly. It's interesting to see an act of this extreme nature, but I don't expect anything less from you.
Although you're weak, I must say that I'm rather impressed! You must want these campers and counselors to feel like prisoners, don't you? I've noticed that people are unable to leave and I'll have you know that it is pretty entertaining to watch them overreact. When they realize there's an invisible barrier blocking their way, it's enough to trigger numerous emotions within them. As they hopelessly scream curses, trying to claw their way out of this camp . . . It's a beautiful sight, don't you agree? I applaud you for coming up with something like this. This way, you'll be able to observe every single one of them, get a hold of new people and invite them to your camp once you get bored of the old ones, and continue on that endless cycle. Although I find this idea quite brilliant despite its flaws, I'm afraid that I can't allow for this to continue any further unless this camp undergoes new management.
This summer camp seems to be suffering from neglect under your care. I believe it's due for new ownership and I'm just the type of person who will find some use for this place. "Why?", you may ask? Well, the answer is quite simple. It's so simple that even someone of your intelligence will understand. I love humans. I'm very much in love with them, you see? The way they react so easily to tiny things such as this swampy camp, a harmless lake monster, and even zombies. It'll be so much fun to tear them apart and observe every single thing about them.
I'll make a deal with you, alright? I'll find out who's the murderer of your fiancé for you and once I do, all I want in return for my hard work is this camp. You can be my right-hand woman if you wish to stick around, but believe me, things are bound to get exciting now that I'm here. By any chance that you decline my offer, I'll just leave you off with a fair warning: you don't know who you're messing with.
Applicant #3
Character: Orihara Izaya
Series: Durarara!!
Character Age: 23
Job: Particular Information Retrieval Assistant to Miss Sayre
Canon: Anything can happen in a big city. When you're Ryuugamine Mikado and you've just moved to the Tokyo district of Ikebukuro, this can be a problem. When Mikado moves to Ikebukuro to enroll in the Raira Academy for middle school, his life is turned upside-down. Luckily, he's got his girl-crazed best friend Kida to help him out. Throw in a black Russian sushi-seller, a crazy otaku gang, Ikebukuro's own urban legend, the headless black rider, a strange and quiet girl named Sonohara Anri and two odd and dangerous men: the debt-collector, Heiwajima Shizou and the information-broker, Orihara Izaya and you've got the recipe for Durarara!!
Orihara Izaya loves humanity. What this would mean to the average person and what it means to Izaya are two very different things, of course. Izaya loves the terrible emotions of humanity, the way they can destroy themselves in an instant, he loves manipulating humanity. Manipulative, that's a good word for him, manipulative to the point where the way he acts can fluctuate wildly depending on what he wants out of a situatiom. He can move from joking and practically flirty to cold and calculating to just plain batshit in the blink of an eye, but always with an undercurrent of pure sociopathy. Izaya is always looking out for what is going to be the most entertaining outcome for him, no matter what might happen to anyone else. Oh, and don't mention Heiwajima Shizou if you want to live, alright?
Yes, a group of gorillas is called a band.
Sample Post:
Sayre-san~! I'm flattered that you felt you needed to invite me here so forcefully. Your methods are very interesting, I might pick up a few tips from you, if only I knew quite where to find that many gorillas in Tokyo at this time of year! You must have your resources. Not that I care, of course. The band of gorillas could have just appeared from nowhere for all you know, isn't that right?
What you were asking me about earlier is a much more interesting conversation topic. You were asking me to gather some information about the people in this camp, was that correct? Too easy, Sayre-san, and all just because of that small incident with, ah, I can't remember his name... Debussy-san? Your fiance died under mysterious circumstances and you set up an entire camp purely to find his killer, even going to the trouble of finding people like me who will get information about the murder. You've gone to such great lengths to avenge your beloved fiance, or so they say. You don't strike me as the sentimental type, yet here we are! I do so love the ways in which humanity contradicts itself.
You look surprised! Hm, I forgot that you hadn't yet mentioned Debussy-san! I slipped, I slipped! You shouldn't look so alarmed, Sayre-san. It is common knowledge, I didn't even have to blink to figure that particular fact out. If I had known it would upset you so much I would have made it a point to find out more, aha~! Oh, don't look like that, I can't even find enjoyment in that dull and expressionless face of yours. It only makes me more impatient. I can't even care about your terrible feelings anymore. Why did you bring me here, Sayre-san? That is the one thing that I haven't been able to figure out. Ah~ if you knew how much it has been bothering me! You are very tricky.
What? Needlessly violent and you expect me to go and discover that particular fact about every single one of your campers? Why could you possibly want to know that much about their Thoughts on Yaoi?
Poll TRIPLE BATTORU
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: The Master. (6th, alias "Harold Saxon")
Series: Doctor Who.
Character Age: Appears mid-thirties, actually hundreds of years old.
Job: Master of Disguise.
Canon: Doctor Who is a British sci-fi with an incredibly complex plot, continuity and history, so let's skip all that and get to the point. There was once a race of aliens called Time Lords who could see and manipulate all of space and time. Two in particular had a reputation for living at each other's throats, and these infamous enemies were known as "The Master" and "The Doctor". ...Then the Doctor wiped out all the Time Lords to end a war and they became the only two of their species left. As "Harold Saxon", the Master hypnotized Planet Earth into electing him as British Prime Minister and then killed one-tenth of the human race. When the Doctor reversed time and undid his actions, the Master deliberately died just to leave him sad and alone. But a hitch in his plan to return to life meant the Master lost the ability of his species to "regenerate" into a completely new body and is now stuck in a flawed and recognizable form, which drives him mad.
Or, madder than usual. The Master is several cogs short of working clockwork, and genuinely believes ownership and destruction of the universe is his birthright. Throughout his many regenerations he's remained evilly affable: charismatic, hypnotic, and drippingly sarcastic, not to mention filled with the condescension of a man convinced he is the smartest person alive. This incarnation hears an incessant internal drum-beat (actually a timey-wimey plot device) and enjoys teletubbies, trolling, and 21st Century pop. The regeneration mishap leaves him shooting lightning bolts and leaping tall buildings like a reject extra from Heroes, and apparently using that much energy makes him so hungry no amount of scenery will satisfy him. The Master now snaps between crazed laughter, scheming, and twitchily eating everything in sight - including people.
Sample Post:
Citizens of camp, rejoice! Your Lord and Master has arrived. Though I must say, I'm rather disappointed with the state of the place. It's bad enough that this stinking, backwater swamp is infested with brainless apes... did there have to be gorillas as well?
Ooh, tough crowd. Not to worry! I prefer a sense of humour in my victims, but it's by no means a requirement. Though I hardly think my employment application should need jokes when the content can stand so perfectly on its own. I know, I know - why would someone as charismatic and intelligent as myself wish to work in a place like this? For starters, the soup here is absolutely delicious, hot and wet and salty, all fingers and eyeballs and there's endless gallons of it. I'm hungry, I'm so hungry. Perhaps next I'll head over to the lake; I've rather a taste for calamari.
But I digress. I think it's time I explained just what I plan to do here. You see, this Summer Camp is sick. Its residents - sick. Look around! That man is missing an arm! It's obvious that you all need help. You need a doctor. I will do everything in my power to make your lives bearable, or my name isn't Harold Saxon. See, as Prime Minister of Camp, I could make this place so much better, and I'd ask nothing in return but your total obedience. And perhaps your soup. I don't need you to do anything that requires you to think too hard: the poll is right there. So vote Saxon! For a better future-
I beg your pardon? Master of Disguise? Oh, that's hilarious. I'm in stitches. Stuck in the same form- dying, flaring like magnesium, fizzling out like so much- yes, it's funny, isn't it? I'm so funny. But the joke's on you, campers! Because by this time tomorrow, you'll be marching to a different beat. You see, I've taken control of Elizabeth Sayre's loudspeaker system and I may have made a few . . . modifications. I'd explain the details, but I doubt you'd understand them - and I don't really want you foiling my scheme in the time it takes to tell it. I have read the Evil Overlord List, you know, and I'm not an idiot. No, you can all just wait and see: everything under the barrier will fall to my will, faster than you can say "Brains". You'll all sit up and listen. What to? The drums, my limb-shedding friend. The never-ending drums.
Hm? What's that? Well, yes. I suppose "the death of all you love" may very well be carried in the drumming of war.
Poll Vote!
Character: Randy Maclean, AKA Ryo
Series: FAKE
Age: Late 20s
Job: Counselor to Troubled Youth
Canon: The world of FAKE is one littered with murder mysteries, gay cops, and cockblocking galore. At the very center of this story are two cops, Dee and Ryo, who work together to handle New York City's crimes while developing a very slow but steady romance. The "good cop" in this "good cop, bad cop" partnership, Ryo is a generally well-mannered and soft-spoken man who follows the rules and completes his paperwork on time, the same of which can't be said for his partner. Add onto that a sharp sense for sleuthing, a generous heart, and a firm sense of morals and it's plain to see why Ryo's the precinct favorite.
Outside the office, Ryo's a loving and firm father figure to kids and a man who enjoys the simple things like cooking and cleaning. He's a little dense when it comes to matters of the heart as related to himself, but usually right on the ball when it comes to others. While all of this should add up to Ryo being a complete pushover, his occasional postal-worker outbursts tend to keep people from pulling anything funny. He knows when and how to put his foot down and is more likely to deliver a firm punch to the head than allow people under his care to get away with mischief.
Sample Post:
All right guys, attention over here. And you two give Jimmy back his leg right now, I mean it. Is everyone here? Let me begin by introducing myself; my name's Randy Maclean and I've been hired as your new camp counselor. Now I've been told that this group has been a little rowdier than the rest of the campers around here, so I'll be working exclusively with you guys until we work out some of those... uh, bad habits that you kids have picked up. Or at least until you guys stop hotwiring the robot cows.
A-Anyway, I'm sure that you're all wondering why you would need a personal counselor. The director is greatly concerned about your development into adults and frankly she's also tired of you mindlessly walking around like, well. Like zombies. So I'll be here to teach you guys how to find a healthy and safe balance of fun and work. Ah, and to make things more relevant we'll be covering topics that you can apply to everyday problems you face here in camp. Issues that you're all dealing with out there on the stree- er, swamps, like the organ black market or that ongoing turf war between the Legless gang and the One-Eyes. ... Those are just nicknames, right?
To start things off, I'd like to delve into a more serious issues. Drug usage, or ah, as the locals put it, "licking the Marcy," has been on the rise recently and it's important that you stay well-informed on the topic. Now I know you've heard over and over that drugs are bad for you, but I think you'll gain a better understanding if you actually see the effects on your body. Hold on, I've got a... aha, here it is. This is your brain. Erm, in this case Jimmy's brain, thank you again for volunteering it to the class. See how nice and healthy it looks? At least I think this is how a healthy one looks. It's all in one piece and not green, in any case. Now compare it to this brain, which is a model of a brain on dru-
... Or what was supposed to be a model and looks very much like it isn't. George, I noticed that your head is looking particularly lopsided. Oh don't smile at me like that, we're still having a talk later. And I'll be holding onto this as well.
If we can continue on, I've got here in my suitca-- ... Er, that is... has anyone seen my suitcase? Yes, that one right there, now could you please give it bac- I really don't think it's a good idea if you go through my things- Those are police property--!
... This is why we don't go through other people's things without permission. Handcuffs are not a toy, and with my things all over the floor like this it'll take forever to find the keys. Meanwhile, poor Jimmy's stuck to that tree that's trying to walk awa-
J-Jimmy!! We're coming!
Poll Vote!
Character: Sylvanas Windrunner
Series: Warcraft 3
Character Age: A couple centuries (canon doesn’t specify)
Job: Camp Defensive Commander and Resident Zombie Expert
Canon: Sylvanas used to be the Ranger General of Silvermoon, living with the other high elves in their happy magical city - until the Death Knight Arthas brought his horde of undead into their lands for a bout of genocide. Sylvanas's defense of Silvermoon proved to be very irritating to Arthas, and when he finally caught her, he decided some retribution was in order - meaning after he killed her, he didn't let her stay dead.
Since then, the undead Sylvanas has regained her free will and led a rebellion against her former masters, renaming her sentient zombie followers the “Forsaken” and declaring herself their queen. Her number one goal? Hunt down Arthas and make him her personal pincushion. (Goal number two: hate everything that has a pulse.)
She is, naturally, very bitter about her circumstances, but she’s fiercely loyal to her newfound people. She’s ambitious and calculating, and very good in a fight. She doesn’t shy away from allegiances, but don’t expect her to stay friends once you’ve served your purpose. A ruthless tactician, she has little care for consequences so long as she gets the desired ends.
Sample Post:
You are all pathetic.
You… “campers” are the most undisciplined collection of cowards I have ever had the displeasure of watching and I am insulted to even be in your presence - and if you knew all the despicable cretins I have seen in my life and unlife, your puny minds might grasp the gravity of that statement.
However, since we are all here trapped in unhappy circumstances, we must simply persevere and become stronger for it. That means you will pull up your urine-soaked pants, hold your head high (no hard task for some of you, considering all the air contained therein) - and when I say “attack,” you will do so with all the ferocity of a rabid wolf! I did not capture and chain those mindless undead to hear you sniveling brats complain of fatigue and hunger and “ew blood I just bought this shirt!” - they are there for you to hone your skills, so that I might get some use out of you wretches. You will practice until you have mastered every technique or until your arms fall from your bodies, whichever comes first - if it is the latter, fear not, your limbs will be put to good use elsewhere.
Those who are large and sturdy enough will be fighting at the head of our forces. Battle experience is helpful, but not strictly necessary - all you really need do is stand still long enough to provide some sort of hindrance. Meanwhile, those of you with weaker bodies and constitutions will be in the back, hurling spells or arrows or rocks or insults or whatever you can manage.
Those of you unsuited for magic or meatshielding will be put to work crafting armor from the bones I have collected. See to it that the bones are properly cleaned, I did only a cursory job of it myself. I am a very busy person and I do not have the time to be meticulously tearing scraps of flesh off of so many femurs.
And so help me, if I hear one more whimper out of any of you, you will know my definition of pain. Or at least as close as I may bring you with the resources available - sadly limited, but I can be creative. It pains me to stoop to working with such a miserable rabble as this, but a general must go to war with whatever army she is given.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Orihaya Izaya
Series: Durarara!! (DRRR!!)
Character Age: 23
Job: Officially Unofficial Camp Fuck You Die Troll
Canon: Longing for the excitement of the big city, Ryuugamine Mikado accepts an invitation from his childhood friend to transfer to a high school in Ikebukuro. During the tour of the city on his first night, Mikado is warned about the dangerous people to avoid, introduced to a group of otaku, and crosses paths with an urban legend. Durarara!! tells the story of many different people and their lives as they overlap and interact with each other. Ikebukuro is a city of mysteries, and not even a top information broker knows everything about it.
Said information broker happens to be one of the "dangerous people" Mikado is warned about: Orihaya Izaya. Though he's moved to Shinjuku now, he still spends quite an (unfortunate, in other people's opinion) amount of time in Ikebukuro. As he deals in information, he makes it his business to know the ins and outs of the underbelly of life, including that which most people would rather keep hidden. People are easier to use when you have something to hold over them, after all. He gets his jollies from setting people up for a fall and then watching their reactions; he claims it's because he "loves the human race" and how there's so much he still doesn't know about them. Us. (Read: manipulative bastard.) He's not afraid of confrontation, and often has his own special brand of making it worse by humoring and teasing his opponent-but it's okay, he's a pro. You didn't think dealing in information was a safe job, did you? Not really the type that appears to take things seriously, he's fond of using a sing-song voice, the audible equivalent of tildes and heartmarks, and is liable to turn any offhanded comment into a complete affront to your mother, your father, and your second cousin twice removed.
TL;DR: he's a troll. The trolliest troll to have ever trolled Ikebukuro. And Shinjuku. And the internet.
Sample Post:
Zombies, really? It's so crude, so inelegant, so 1940's. All those B-grade horror films . . . It's not my hobby to watch things like that, so I'll just have to make it my hobby to live it! -Oh, is this where I'm supposed to be the helpless victim? Really, lumbering around like that isn't cool at all. At least there'd be more atmosphere if it were nighttime instead of mid-afternoon-whoops! That was a close call; did I make you mad? How scary~! You're going to try to eat me now, huh. Scoop out my brains and have them with a cherry on top? Hahaha! Good luck! Be careful you don't trip over your arm, there! And I'd be careful not to kick his head, I hear it's bad form to use your friend as a soccer ball.
Well, whether you get taken apart here or end up eating each other, it has nothing to do with me. Even if you get blown up by trying to eat some camper's brains or fall into the volcano, it doesn't really matter. We have nothing to do with each other. A~ah . . . I guess that's not really true though. Since I've been hired to counsel and you're the only ones here, I'm probably meant to counsel you, which means we do have something to do with each other. Well, taking a few moments to counsel won't put too much of a dent into my life. What would you want to be counseled in, though? How to keep your whole three strands of hair silky smooth, maybe~! Or suggestions on the best skin care regime to prevent maggots. There're so many choices, what could I ever decide on? Oh. I know.
Do you want to disappear? Being as perceptive as I am, I'd say you don't. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks if you really want to live; you should decide for yourself. Think about it! What do you have left to live for? Ah, sorry, attempt to live for? What makes you more special than everyone else? You've had your chance at life already. Look at yourself, why don't you. You're barely holding together as it is, and you've completely lost your sense of self and individuality. How sad, how sad! Haha! It's so tragic, the way you cling to those attempts at life. "Brains, brains" is all you say, but do you even know why you're so desperate for them? Aah, it really is so sad. Eating someone else's brain isn't going to replace your own. It's also not going to make you any smarter or wiser or better at being alive-- trust me, people've tried. They're not any better for it. Think of it this way: eating fish isn't going to make you a better swimmer, or help you develop fins or gills or anything like that. Haha, that'd be interesting if it did though. Speaking of fish, things should be just about ready. Now then, I'll ask you three questions.
One: Why have I been talking like this? I'll give you a few hints, I didn't have to talk for so long and I'm not just wasting time. Two: What are we doing near the lake? Hint, I headed here as soon as I started talking. Three: How long does it take Marcy-san to grow curious?
Applicant #2
Character: Izaya Orihara
Series: Durarara!!
Character Age: 23
Job: Information Broker
Canon: Durarara!! is a series that revolves around a Dullahan who is searching for her missing head, a young boy named Mikado Ryugamine who longs for excitement in a big city, and his anonymous internet-based gang called “Dollars”. Izaya Orihara is part of this anonymous gang. He is an excellent information broker who was introduced as someone whom people should never make an enemy. For everything he does, no matter how questionable his actions are, he'll tell you this: he loves humans. He loves them so much that he places them in terrible situations just to observe their reactions.
But, his love for the human race can be described as a possessive, impersonal love. Izaya is an instigator at best and although it seems that he is able to guess perfectly what is wrong with a person, he has to communicate with them first to be able to do so. He's pretty blunt and will usually answer honestly when it comes to his true intentions as he also has enough ability and experience to remain level-headed even if the situation isn't in his favor. The majority of the time, Izaya comes off as calm and collected if not a little psychotic.
Sample Post:
Humans are weak, aren't they? To resort to such methods just to find the murderer of a fiancé . . . Hm, Miss Sayre, was it? If my assumptions are correct, you're unable to help yourself after the loss of your fiancé. The fact that you're stuck with an unsolved mystery, it's enough to motivate you to create a summer camp like this. You have some hope that this way, you'll be able to find the murderer quickly. It's interesting to see an act of this extreme nature, but I don't expect anything less from you.
Although you're weak, I must say that I'm rather impressed! You must want these campers and counselors to feel like prisoners, don't you? I've noticed that people are unable to leave and I'll have you know that it is pretty entertaining to watch them overreact. When they realize there's an invisible barrier blocking their way, it's enough to trigger numerous emotions within them. As they hopelessly scream curses, trying to claw their way out of this camp . . . It's a beautiful sight, don't you agree? I applaud you for coming up with something like this. This way, you'll be able to observe every single one of them, get a hold of new people and invite them to your camp once you get bored of the old ones, and continue on that endless cycle. Although I find this idea quite brilliant despite its flaws, I'm afraid that I can't allow for this to continue any further unless this camp undergoes new management.
This summer camp seems to be suffering from neglect under your care. I believe it's due for new ownership and I'm just the type of person who will find some use for this place. "Why?", you may ask? Well, the answer is quite simple. It's so simple that even someone of your intelligence will understand. I love humans. I'm very much in love with them, you see? The way they react so easily to tiny things such as this swampy camp, a harmless lake monster, and even zombies. It'll be so much fun to tear them apart and observe every single thing about them.
I'll make a deal with you, alright? I'll find out who's the murderer of your fiancé for you and once I do, all I want in return for my hard work is this camp. You can be my right-hand woman if you wish to stick around, but believe me, things are bound to get exciting now that I'm here. By any chance that you decline my offer, I'll just leave you off with a fair warning: you don't know who you're messing with.
Applicant #3
Character: Orihara Izaya
Series: Durarara!!
Character Age: 23
Job: Particular Information Retrieval Assistant to Miss Sayre
Canon: Anything can happen in a big city. When you're Ryuugamine Mikado and you've just moved to the Tokyo district of Ikebukuro, this can be a problem. When Mikado moves to Ikebukuro to enroll in the Raira Academy for middle school, his life is turned upside-down. Luckily, he's got his girl-crazed best friend Kida to help him out. Throw in a black Russian sushi-seller, a crazy otaku gang, Ikebukuro's own urban legend, the headless black rider, a strange and quiet girl named Sonohara Anri and two odd and dangerous men: the debt-collector, Heiwajima Shizou and the information-broker, Orihara Izaya and you've got the recipe for Durarara!!
Orihara Izaya loves humanity. What this would mean to the average person and what it means to Izaya are two very different things, of course. Izaya loves the terrible emotions of humanity, the way they can destroy themselves in an instant, he loves manipulating humanity. Manipulative, that's a good word for him, manipulative to the point where the way he acts can fluctuate wildly depending on what he wants out of a situatiom. He can move from joking and practically flirty to cold and calculating to just plain batshit in the blink of an eye, but always with an undercurrent of pure sociopathy. Izaya is always looking out for what is going to be the most entertaining outcome for him, no matter what might happen to anyone else. Oh, and don't mention Heiwajima Shizou if you want to live, alright?
Yes, a group of gorillas is called a band.
Sample Post:
Sayre-san~! I'm flattered that you felt you needed to invite me here so forcefully. Your methods are very interesting, I might pick up a few tips from you, if only I knew quite where to find that many gorillas in Tokyo at this time of year! You must have your resources. Not that I care, of course. The band of gorillas could have just appeared from nowhere for all you know, isn't that right?
What you were asking me about earlier is a much more interesting conversation topic. You were asking me to gather some information about the people in this camp, was that correct? Too easy, Sayre-san, and all just because of that small incident with, ah, I can't remember his name... Debussy-san? Your fiance died under mysterious circumstances and you set up an entire camp purely to find his killer, even going to the trouble of finding people like me who will get information about the murder. You've gone to such great lengths to avenge your beloved fiance, or so they say. You don't strike me as the sentimental type, yet here we are! I do so love the ways in which humanity contradicts itself.
You look surprised! Hm, I forgot that you hadn't yet mentioned Debussy-san! I slipped, I slipped! You shouldn't look so alarmed, Sayre-san. It is common knowledge, I didn't even have to blink to figure that particular fact out. If I had known it would upset you so much I would have made it a point to find out more, aha~! Oh, don't look like that, I can't even find enjoyment in that dull and expressionless face of yours. It only makes me more impatient. I can't even care about your terrible feelings anymore. Why did you bring me here, Sayre-san? That is the one thing that I haven't been able to figure out. Ah~ if you knew how much it has been bothering me! You are very tricky.
What? Needlessly violent and you expect me to go and discover that particular fact about every single one of your campers? Why could you possibly want to know that much about their Thoughts on Yaoi?
Poll TRIPLE BATTORU