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Well, now that Livejournal has stopped sucking cock.
VOTE closed!
Character: Rush Sykes
Series: The Last Remnant
Character Age: 18
Canon: The world of The Last Remnant runs on two things: political machinations and ancient machines called Remnants. The Remnants stabilize the environment and are used as weapons in warfare. They are politically valuable and the focus of much intellectual attention. But Rush Sykes doesn’t care about politics and ancient relics-he’d rather hang out with his family practicing his sweet moves in his blue jeans, both of which are out of place in the fantasy-based world of the Remnants. When his sister is kidnapped to be used for political leverage, he’s thrown into the world of politics-or rather, he’s forced to deal with power hungry Dukes with bad haircuts. Life can be hard for a guy who just wants to protect his family.
It’s a good thing that Rush is a peppy, upbeat guy who manages to keep a smile on his face even when things are rough. He’s someone who doesn’t sweat the small things, and his charm comes from his casual and mostly carefree attitude. That doesn’t mean he’s not prone to flouncing and angst, but for the most part, he’s the ray of sunshine in a room full of serious politicians. He changes face and becomes serious when someone he cares about is in danger, and he’ll do anything to help them. Though he’s no genius tactician, he’s good enough with people that they always trust him-and that’s kind of a tactic, right? Sure, he’s prone to reckless behavior and often forgets to think twice before he jumps into a fray, but he’s always there for the people he cares about.
Note: Throughout the game, Rush takes quests from anyone-whether they need help fighting giant monsters, completing their fetch-quest, or just want a big dose of the warm fuzzies.
Sample Post:
Huh, so the information was more accurate than I thought. The quest mentioned something about honoring the dead, but I didn’t realize how literal it was. I mean, I thought I’d be paying my respects, not getting back your honor for you. But whatever-it’s pretty cool that you’re still kicking, even after you’ve kicked the bucket. I’ve gotta wonder about the whole honor thing-does that mean you died without it? Sounds pretty rough, but don’t sweat it. I’m gonna help you pull yourselves together. I can see you’ve already started on that. My mom always seemed proud of good stitching when I was younger, and I can tell you’re doing a great job with it. And what you couldn’t stitch together, you’ve strapped right on! Don’t worry-strap on additions or not, you’re doing okay. It looks like the real thing, and from what I can tell, it probably feels that way, too. In fact, you look pretty limber for a bunch of dead guys, like nothing’s wrong at all! Man, I just hope I’m as cool as you guys when I’m dead. It sure beats the alternative.
Anyway, I guess it’s time to get to work. From how quiet you guys have all been, I’ve got a feeling it’s not gonna be easy to explain to me what needs to be done. But don’t worry about it. Even though I’m not some translator, I can probably figure out where we’ve gotta go if you wave your arms a little. I pick up things quick enough! Oh, wait-I’ve got a great idea! Why don’t we all march together? I’ve been in close quarters with guys like this in confusing situations before. It took a bit of fumbling, but we worked things out. Then we showed whoever messed with us who’s boss. We can do the same thing here-they’ll never see you coming! Uh, assuming there is a “they.” Anyway, nobody would expect you showing up on the horizon, looking sweet with your weapons raised. Sure, it’s probably different from what you had in mind, but this is a fight for honor! You deserve to have that back.
And if you’re really serious about taking back what’s yours and maybe a little more, you’re gonna need a flag to get yourself started. No flag, no country, right? It’s a weird rule, but I didn’t make it up. First, we’ve gotta come up with a national symbol-like, hey, what about a giant brain? That’d be wicked, right? And then you’ve gotta get it put together, because you can’t go rushing into battle without it. … Huh, all of you look pretty antsy. I guess we can wait on a flag, I don’t mind. I’ll just stick around afterward to help you out with it, and we can just get moving now. I wouldn’t mind, anyway-Brainlandia seems like it could be a pretty smart place to be.
All right, guys! Let’s go get some head!-Hey, what do you think? Pretty sweet battle cry, right?
Poll So?
Character: River Tam.
Series: Firefly.
Character Age: 17.
Canon: In the future, the Earth we know has long been out of commission. The only two surviving super-powers from our day are the USA and China; their people creating new worlds to survive on, with some a little more cushy than others. The latter are usually referred to as the Alliance, a 'benevolent' dictatorship with almost limitless power and a stranglehold on the 'verse. There was some fighting over who was in charge of who, and with the Alliance not taking too kindly to any who would oppose them, the less-haves didn't make it out that well. One man who served on the losing side has been busy since the war; as the the captain of the Firefly class spaceship known as Serenity. He goes by Malcolm Reynolds and keeps a colorful crew, including a pair of siblings on the run from the government.
River is the younger of this pair. A wunderkind born into a wealthy family, River's life should have been easy. Things changed when she was entered into a school for the gifted, known only as the Academy, where she was used in a series of mysterious experiments that left her absolutely insane and more than a little dangerous. It was only through her brother Simon's undying devotion and copious fortune that she was broken out of the facility, after which the siblings joined up with a crew of smugglers on one of the outer planets. River loves the ship, even if it's hard for the other inhabitants to tell between her constantly off-kilter way of speaking and literal inablity to control her emotions. Despite her sometimes incomprehensible conversation and mood swings, River's genius and playful personality can still be found underneath the layers of psychosis. She might be young and she might be crazy, but River still knows what's going on. Sometimes she seems to be the only one.
Sample: It's alright.
You had it all planned out. There was agreement and arrangement and you had said yes to him. You were going to look pretty in white with the flowers and rice all over the carpet, but he went away and left you alone. Left her on the shore as he sailed off home, but there wasn't any wine waiting. You act like you're just yourself here, but that's a lie. You've got the ramphastidae and the capra aegagrus hircus, but they're not right, at least according to Charles. But he's not even in charge here; that's you, so it doesn't matter. There aren't even any abalone divers in the lake, but she still goes on like that, so there's no lineage or line for what's under the bed.
I'm closer to them than the people here. Shouldn't be walking on two legs, can't hobble on one. I should be flying but the sky here's limited, the plants are growing like planned but there's only so much room, we'll be trimmed down if we get too big. This place isn't bad, prison in the function but not form. The sun's out, but you have to dig to find it. Hidden behind a rock, like she didn't go out to the dancing when she was supposed to. The fruit bears, but the bad seeds make the crop look spotty. Not their fault, they can't cut the bad branches off for long. It's problematic; the cores are rotten, poisons the rest.
Can't figure this algorithm, in or out. Don't know how you did it, but it's done. I can't stay long, but I guess you think I need to. Not even big enough to fit this little world, have to fill it up to the brim with shapes and sizes that don't stick right. We're all running 'round in our own little circles. Bad manners, not including everyone. They always said not to go so fast on the playground, but somebody's always racing. Up and over and against and back down again.
Time to see if we'll be willing to lose a game.
Poll So?
Character: Finn Hudson
Series: Glee
Canon: McKinley High is an all-American high school in a small Ohio town with what used to be a very clearly-defined social ladder. Then a bunch of popular kids joined that zany Glee club and--for them, at least--all that singing and dancing's starting to turn the status quo inside out. For example, it'd be fair to assume Finn Hudson is the most popular guy at school. He's star quarterback of McKinley's football team and loving beau of head cheerleader Quinn Fabray. Unfortunately, he's also a frequent target of the slushie-assault as employed by the school's more aggressive maintainers of the status quo. Finn was coerced by his Spanish teacher into joining the Glee club at the bottom of the social rung; not too bright and aware of it, he became club's leading man in hopes that it would help him land a scholarship and a future.
It would either be too mean or too easy to call Finn a clichéd dumb jock: he doesn't even know what a cliché is, much less how to be one. He's had a lurid history of bullying his lamer peers at McKinley. He only recently learned you can borrow books from the library. He's a tall, handsome moron too easily swayed by the pressures of popularity. But Finn also can't help but be an honest guy, prone to random acts of kindness and good intentions. What endears him to the members of Glee is his willingness to defend those his friends from the team dismiss as geeks and weirdos. It's not that Finn feels a desire to champion anyone's trials, but ultimately his understanding of what's acceptable is far more limited than his understanding of what's right.
Sample Post:
Guys? Guys. I got a problem--I think I boarded the wrong bus. Usually high school away games are played at high school, not summer camps. Then again, usually the rest of the football team's on the bus with me and usually Coach makes sure I brought my gear. See, one time I grabbed the wrong duffel and ended up with the scuba stuff I packed when I was eight and wanted every weekend to be a beach weekend. That was when my neighbor told me Ohio didn't have a beach, it just had some lake up north. He said Lake Erie was great but--come on. Lakes are okay at best. Worst summer ever.
No offense, but the last time I saw a crowd that looked like this was in Dawn of the Dead. Hey, you, with the face--oh. Not so much with the face. Well, listen, awesome look--but I could sure use some bus fare. I promise I'll pay you back somehow. You want . . . brains? Oh, this is a zombie flick. Sorry, man, but I can't pay you back that way. I don't have quarters or brains to give away. Just a lot of lint.
Tell you what, I'll tell everyone I know to watch your movie when it comes out. I'll totally watch it anyway even if you don't have change on you. My old lit teacher says zombies make Jesus look bad because they come back to life like it ain't no thing, but I've never really thought they were bad. They eat humans. So what? See, there was a special week on the Syfy channel where they just hammered out movies about people getting eaten. If that week taught me anything, it's that everything'd target humans if they had a chance. Piranhas. Rabid bunnies. No one is safe from anything. I mean, you've got red slushie all over your face. Even other zombies would go after you because cherry is the best flavor. Circle of life.
--dude, your leg's creaking. Is that what growing pains sound like? Would my shins look like that if I didn't have skin and muscles? Gross. Hey, can I pay you back in Biofreeze? I found some on the bus if you think you could use it, it's for muscle cramps--
Wait, the label says antifreeze. It's cool, I think they're made by the same company or something--you probably have to drink this kind. Don't worry! It smells bad, but it'll make you feel good.
Poll So?
DUPLICATE APPS
Hiccup #1
Character: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III Series: How to Train Your Dragon (film) Character Age: early teens Canon: Take a moment, if you will, to picture the Vikings. They’re big, burly, strong, extra-hairy, and pretty much the most badass warriors in all of history. They were raised from birth to be great warriors, and the greatest honor to them was to die in battle so that they could go on to their version of Heaven and spend all of eternity getting drunk and fighting each other. Seriously, these people were not to be messed with. And the Vikings from Berk, the small village that is the central location of “How to Train Your Dragon,” not only meet these expectations, but they go above and beyond what their real-world counterparts do by making a living out of killing motherfucking dragons on a daily basis. This life of honor and glory would make anyone happy, but all of these expectations can be a bit much if you just happen to be a scrawny kid who has more brains then brawn.
Hiccup, the world’s wimpiest Viking, has been in a tough spot for all of his life. His dad, the chief of the Vikings of Berk, has always pressured him to grow up and become a good, string Viking. And truthfully, Hiccup wants that. He wants to live up to everyone’s expectations and be a great successor to his father, but unfortunately Hiccup’s whole life has been full of accidents and good intentions gone wrong, and no amount of explaining can ever fix it. All of the constant disappointment and letdown has left him snarky and a bit pessimistic, though he’s not quite yet a defeatist. But don’t let this seemingly negative attitude and lack of muscle fool you: Hiccup has an absolutely brilliant mind, one that more than makes up for his shortcomings. He can watch something with moving parts for a short while and figure out exactly how it works, and he can design machines to do what he can’t. Not only that, but he’s also very compassionate- so much so that he couldn’t bring himself to kill one of the very creatures that had killed his fellow villagers, simply because “it looked frightened.” And while these traits are not what his village wants of him, and his mishaps do cause many problems for everyone, Hiccup accepts all this about himself and simply does his best to fix everything. He may not be the ideal Viking, but he is definitely the ideal Hero.
Sample Post: “Congratulations, Mr. Hiccup and Mr. Grawgh. You two have been chosen to be surrogate parents for this egg until such time that it hatches. It is your duty to make sure that no harm comes to this egg-baby, and failure to do so will result in severe consequences.” Great. Not only am I stuck in this weird swamp-place, but now I have to babysit some egg that’s bigger then I am. Knowing my luck, there’s going to be some kind of giant monster who wants to eat it or something. And somehow I don’t think my ‘partner’ in all of this is going to be too helpful, either, what with the whole ‘lack of proper arms and missing a foot’ thing. Now now, Mr. Grawgh, I’m not saying that missing all of those things is bad. I know a guy back home who has an axe for an arm and a stump for a leg and he still fights with the best of them. But I don’t think anyone would trust the guy to hold a baby, let alone take care of a giant egg. That’s just an accident waiting to happen. And somehow I would be blamed for it, I’m sure.
Well, I guess the first thing we should worry about is any animals that might eat this egg. Its way too heavy to move easily, and enemies would definitely take advantage of that. We might have to actually fight something off, and as you probably noticed I’m not exactly the best person to send into a battle. Fortunately, I was prepared for this kind of thing. You see, we Vikings have giant catapults that can throw boulders at our enemies. However, those things aren’t exactly easy to move, so I’ve been trying to build one that’s much smaller and easier to use. This beauty right here is small enough that a couple people could carry it with ease, and you fire it by tugging on this string here-
Uh-oh. I hope nobody was in that cabin. Er, it has a bit of a hair trigger, and there’s still some calibration issues, but I think I can work all of the bugs out. Give me a little time, and I can fix it. And the cabin too. But while I do that, I’m going to need you to watch out for any creatures that might try to harm this egg. Just shout a warning if you see something suspicious. Can you do that for me? …Mr. Grawgh?
Of course. I’m stuck guarding this egg, I’m defenseless until I fix my weapon, the people who own that cabin are going to hate me, and now my partner in this craziness is just sitting there and eating his own leg. This day just couldn’t get worse.
…does that sign over there say “DANGER: WITHIN TENTACLE RANGE”?
Hiccup #2
Character: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III
Series: How to Train Your Dragon
Age: Teenager
THERE MAY BE MILD SPOILERS IN THE APP
Canon: The island of Berk, an island twelve days north of Hopeless and a few degrees south of Freezing to Death, is not the easiest place to live. With dragon raids occurring almost every night, it's the sheer stubbornness of the Vikings that keeps them there -- well, the fact that most of them are built like houses certainly helps. For over seven generations, dragons and Vikings have been locked in an epic battle... but it turns out that the Vikings have misunderstood the dragons entirely. It is the protagonist Hiccup who realizes this; after being unable to kill a dragon himself, he instead names the dragon Toothless and comes to care for him, and in doing so, learns that everything he had been told about dragons was wrong. But while Hiccup is able to accept that dragons are more cat-like than monstrous, the rest of the tribe is not nearly as easy to convince. So it's up to Hiccup to not only prove that big and tough aren't the only Viking qualities, but to also change the minds of his tribe to protect Toothless, and to put an end to an unnecessary war.
Hiccup is essentially the runt of the Vikings of Berk. Considering he's the son of the chief of the tribe, he grows up feeling the pressure to be a manly, dragon-slaying Viking, and wants to make his father proud. But in a culture where being brawny and all about action is the norm, being scrawny and brainy makes it difficult to live up to expectations. Hiccup is small, and can barely lift a sword, so he has to rely on his mechanical skills to solve his problems instead -- which usually leads to accidentally knocking people out or inadvertently destroying half of the town. He's sarcastic, and has a very dry sense of humor, but his wit tends to be either lost on or plain unappreciated by the tribe. But don't let that fool you into thinking he's just an apathetic teen. His demeanor is mostly a cover for his own insecurities and awkwardness in dealing with others, and the fact that being a pacifist doesn't fit in to Viking culture.
Sample Post:
...Ow. Hello there ground, how are you doing today? We should really, really stop meeting like this. I'm not sure how many more times I can get shot out of the sky before my body stages a mutiny and doesn't let me up again. Ugh, okay, getting back on the dragon and going back home, take two. Toothless! Are you okay--- and you're not here. Perfect. This is definitely the ideal scenario after crash-landing into a swamp you've never seen before. Come on, now is not the time for chameleon impressions-- Hey! Okay, out of the shrubbery, we don't have time for this. ...Oh uh, no. You're not Toothless, you are... not without teeth. I mean, you only have four, but four is a good effort, in the er, having teeth department. Just keep that up, and you can-- and now you have three. You may really want to reflect on your hygiene, while you can still technically chew. And reflect on taking care the rest of you, wow. You really look like you're going to fall apart any second now.
Oh whoa, hey! No need to get so so touchy. Not everyone can be as skilled as I am in every area. I know I probably made it look easy, but it takes surprisingly more talent than you would think for a Viking to fall through the air screaming like a little girl. I mean, anyone can yell, but it's the arm flapping and the tearing up as you beg for survival that really sets you apart. I'd show you, so that you too could master falling with style, but the ground and I have a rocky relationship as it is, and I'd really rather not aggravate it any more. That, and it takes a lot of dedication and training, which would cut into your flossing time. So you can just keep doing whatever it is you do, and be yourself. If being a master tumbler isn't for you, maybe-- brains? Uh yes, definitely! Being smart, see, that's something to be proud of! ...And so is being succinct! I mean, who really needs all those extra words cluttering up a sentence and actually giving it meaning, when you can just repeat one over and over again?
Though if you do want to be a master of something that isn't repetition, might I suggest personal space? You can start with stepping back, and stopping that grabbing at my head thing you're trying to do. Come on, think about this, are these actions really you? Is this your passion and dream? I mean, there are a lot of brain-eating zombies! You could even say that there's a surplus! Have you considered a career change, bucking the trend? Being yourself, instead of being what everyone expects you to be? Maybe underneath that decay is a cooking zombie, or... a gardening zombie, just trying to break out! ...Or maybe brain-eating is who you are. You know what, I'm... I'm going to go demonstrate my mastery of fleeing from danger. Screaming like a girl may or may not be included. So, if you don't mind... or even if you do, actually! Uh, yes. Bye! Maybe I shouldn't talk so much about screaming.
Poll So?
VOTE closed!
Character: Rush Sykes
Series: The Last Remnant
Character Age: 18
Canon: The world of The Last Remnant runs on two things: political machinations and ancient machines called Remnants. The Remnants stabilize the environment and are used as weapons in warfare. They are politically valuable and the focus of much intellectual attention. But Rush Sykes doesn’t care about politics and ancient relics-he’d rather hang out with his family practicing his sweet moves in his blue jeans, both of which are out of place in the fantasy-based world of the Remnants. When his sister is kidnapped to be used for political leverage, he’s thrown into the world of politics-or rather, he’s forced to deal with power hungry Dukes with bad haircuts. Life can be hard for a guy who just wants to protect his family.
It’s a good thing that Rush is a peppy, upbeat guy who manages to keep a smile on his face even when things are rough. He’s someone who doesn’t sweat the small things, and his charm comes from his casual and mostly carefree attitude. That doesn’t mean he’s not prone to flouncing and angst, but for the most part, he’s the ray of sunshine in a room full of serious politicians. He changes face and becomes serious when someone he cares about is in danger, and he’ll do anything to help them. Though he’s no genius tactician, he’s good enough with people that they always trust him-and that’s kind of a tactic, right? Sure, he’s prone to reckless behavior and often forgets to think twice before he jumps into a fray, but he’s always there for the people he cares about.
Note: Throughout the game, Rush takes quests from anyone-whether they need help fighting giant monsters, completing their fetch-quest, or just want a big dose of the warm fuzzies.
Sample Post:
Huh, so the information was more accurate than I thought. The quest mentioned something about honoring the dead, but I didn’t realize how literal it was. I mean, I thought I’d be paying my respects, not getting back your honor for you. But whatever-it’s pretty cool that you’re still kicking, even after you’ve kicked the bucket. I’ve gotta wonder about the whole honor thing-does that mean you died without it? Sounds pretty rough, but don’t sweat it. I’m gonna help you pull yourselves together. I can see you’ve already started on that. My mom always seemed proud of good stitching when I was younger, and I can tell you’re doing a great job with it. And what you couldn’t stitch together, you’ve strapped right on! Don’t worry-strap on additions or not, you’re doing okay. It looks like the real thing, and from what I can tell, it probably feels that way, too. In fact, you look pretty limber for a bunch of dead guys, like nothing’s wrong at all! Man, I just hope I’m as cool as you guys when I’m dead. It sure beats the alternative.
Anyway, I guess it’s time to get to work. From how quiet you guys have all been, I’ve got a feeling it’s not gonna be easy to explain to me what needs to be done. But don’t worry about it. Even though I’m not some translator, I can probably figure out where we’ve gotta go if you wave your arms a little. I pick up things quick enough! Oh, wait-I’ve got a great idea! Why don’t we all march together? I’ve been in close quarters with guys like this in confusing situations before. It took a bit of fumbling, but we worked things out. Then we showed whoever messed with us who’s boss. We can do the same thing here-they’ll never see you coming! Uh, assuming there is a “they.” Anyway, nobody would expect you showing up on the horizon, looking sweet with your weapons raised. Sure, it’s probably different from what you had in mind, but this is a fight for honor! You deserve to have that back.
And if you’re really serious about taking back what’s yours and maybe a little more, you’re gonna need a flag to get yourself started. No flag, no country, right? It’s a weird rule, but I didn’t make it up. First, we’ve gotta come up with a national symbol-like, hey, what about a giant brain? That’d be wicked, right? And then you’ve gotta get it put together, because you can’t go rushing into battle without it. … Huh, all of you look pretty antsy. I guess we can wait on a flag, I don’t mind. I’ll just stick around afterward to help you out with it, and we can just get moving now. I wouldn’t mind, anyway-Brainlandia seems like it could be a pretty smart place to be.
All right, guys! Let’s go get some head!-Hey, what do you think? Pretty sweet battle cry, right?
Poll So?
Character: River Tam.
Series: Firefly.
Character Age: 17.
Canon: In the future, the Earth we know has long been out of commission. The only two surviving super-powers from our day are the USA and China; their people creating new worlds to survive on, with some a little more cushy than others. The latter are usually referred to as the Alliance, a 'benevolent' dictatorship with almost limitless power and a stranglehold on the 'verse. There was some fighting over who was in charge of who, and with the Alliance not taking too kindly to any who would oppose them, the less-haves didn't make it out that well. One man who served on the losing side has been busy since the war; as the the captain of the Firefly class spaceship known as Serenity. He goes by Malcolm Reynolds and keeps a colorful crew, including a pair of siblings on the run from the government.
River is the younger of this pair. A wunderkind born into a wealthy family, River's life should have been easy. Things changed when she was entered into a school for the gifted, known only as the Academy, where she was used in a series of mysterious experiments that left her absolutely insane and more than a little dangerous. It was only through her brother Simon's undying devotion and copious fortune that she was broken out of the facility, after which the siblings joined up with a crew of smugglers on one of the outer planets. River loves the ship, even if it's hard for the other inhabitants to tell between her constantly off-kilter way of speaking and literal inablity to control her emotions. Despite her sometimes incomprehensible conversation and mood swings, River's genius and playful personality can still be found underneath the layers of psychosis. She might be young and she might be crazy, but River still knows what's going on. Sometimes she seems to be the only one.
Sample: It's alright.
You had it all planned out. There was agreement and arrangement and you had said yes to him. You were going to look pretty in white with the flowers and rice all over the carpet, but he went away and left you alone. Left her on the shore as he sailed off home, but there wasn't any wine waiting. You act like you're just yourself here, but that's a lie. You've got the ramphastidae and the capra aegagrus hircus, but they're not right, at least according to Charles. But he's not even in charge here; that's you, so it doesn't matter. There aren't even any abalone divers in the lake, but she still goes on like that, so there's no lineage or line for what's under the bed.
I'm closer to them than the people here. Shouldn't be walking on two legs, can't hobble on one. I should be flying but the sky here's limited, the plants are growing like planned but there's only so much room, we'll be trimmed down if we get too big. This place isn't bad, prison in the function but not form. The sun's out, but you have to dig to find it. Hidden behind a rock, like she didn't go out to the dancing when she was supposed to. The fruit bears, but the bad seeds make the crop look spotty. Not their fault, they can't cut the bad branches off for long. It's problematic; the cores are rotten, poisons the rest.
Can't figure this algorithm, in or out. Don't know how you did it, but it's done. I can't stay long, but I guess you think I need to. Not even big enough to fit this little world, have to fill it up to the brim with shapes and sizes that don't stick right. We're all running 'round in our own little circles. Bad manners, not including everyone. They always said not to go so fast on the playground, but somebody's always racing. Up and over and against and back down again.
Time to see if we'll be willing to lose a game.
Poll So?
Character: Finn Hudson
Series: Glee
Canon: McKinley High is an all-American high school in a small Ohio town with what used to be a very clearly-defined social ladder. Then a bunch of popular kids joined that zany Glee club and--for them, at least--all that singing and dancing's starting to turn the status quo inside out. For example, it'd be fair to assume Finn Hudson is the most popular guy at school. He's star quarterback of McKinley's football team and loving beau of head cheerleader Quinn Fabray. Unfortunately, he's also a frequent target of the slushie-assault as employed by the school's more aggressive maintainers of the status quo. Finn was coerced by his Spanish teacher into joining the Glee club at the bottom of the social rung; not too bright and aware of it, he became club's leading man in hopes that it would help him land a scholarship and a future.
It would either be too mean or too easy to call Finn a clichéd dumb jock: he doesn't even know what a cliché is, much less how to be one. He's had a lurid history of bullying his lamer peers at McKinley. He only recently learned you can borrow books from the library. He's a tall, handsome moron too easily swayed by the pressures of popularity. But Finn also can't help but be an honest guy, prone to random acts of kindness and good intentions. What endears him to the members of Glee is his willingness to defend those his friends from the team dismiss as geeks and weirdos. It's not that Finn feels a desire to champion anyone's trials, but ultimately his understanding of what's acceptable is far more limited than his understanding of what's right.
Sample Post:
Guys? Guys. I got a problem--I think I boarded the wrong bus. Usually high school away games are played at high school, not summer camps. Then again, usually the rest of the football team's on the bus with me and usually Coach makes sure I brought my gear. See, one time I grabbed the wrong duffel and ended up with the scuba stuff I packed when I was eight and wanted every weekend to be a beach weekend. That was when my neighbor told me Ohio didn't have a beach, it just had some lake up north. He said Lake Erie was great but--come on. Lakes are okay at best. Worst summer ever.
No offense, but the last time I saw a crowd that looked like this was in Dawn of the Dead. Hey, you, with the face--oh. Not so much with the face. Well, listen, awesome look--but I could sure use some bus fare. I promise I'll pay you back somehow. You want . . . brains? Oh, this is a zombie flick. Sorry, man, but I can't pay you back that way. I don't have quarters or brains to give away. Just a lot of lint.
Tell you what, I'll tell everyone I know to watch your movie when it comes out. I'll totally watch it anyway even if you don't have change on you. My old lit teacher says zombies make Jesus look bad because they come back to life like it ain't no thing, but I've never really thought they were bad. They eat humans. So what? See, there was a special week on the Syfy channel where they just hammered out movies about people getting eaten. If that week taught me anything, it's that everything'd target humans if they had a chance. Piranhas. Rabid bunnies. No one is safe from anything. I mean, you've got red slushie all over your face. Even other zombies would go after you because cherry is the best flavor. Circle of life.
--dude, your leg's creaking. Is that what growing pains sound like? Would my shins look like that if I didn't have skin and muscles? Gross. Hey, can I pay you back in Biofreeze? I found some on the bus if you think you could use it, it's for muscle cramps--
Wait, the label says antifreeze. It's cool, I think they're made by the same company or something--you probably have to drink this kind. Don't worry! It smells bad, but it'll make you feel good.
Poll So?
DUPLICATE APPS
Hiccup #1
Character: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III Series: How to Train Your Dragon (film) Character Age: early teens Canon: Take a moment, if you will, to picture the Vikings. They’re big, burly, strong, extra-hairy, and pretty much the most badass warriors in all of history. They were raised from birth to be great warriors, and the greatest honor to them was to die in battle so that they could go on to their version of Heaven and spend all of eternity getting drunk and fighting each other. Seriously, these people were not to be messed with. And the Vikings from Berk, the small village that is the central location of “How to Train Your Dragon,” not only meet these expectations, but they go above and beyond what their real-world counterparts do by making a living out of killing motherfucking dragons on a daily basis. This life of honor and glory would make anyone happy, but all of these expectations can be a bit much if you just happen to be a scrawny kid who has more brains then brawn.
Hiccup, the world’s wimpiest Viking, has been in a tough spot for all of his life. His dad, the chief of the Vikings of Berk, has always pressured him to grow up and become a good, string Viking. And truthfully, Hiccup wants that. He wants to live up to everyone’s expectations and be a great successor to his father, but unfortunately Hiccup’s whole life has been full of accidents and good intentions gone wrong, and no amount of explaining can ever fix it. All of the constant disappointment and letdown has left him snarky and a bit pessimistic, though he’s not quite yet a defeatist. But don’t let this seemingly negative attitude and lack of muscle fool you: Hiccup has an absolutely brilliant mind, one that more than makes up for his shortcomings. He can watch something with moving parts for a short while and figure out exactly how it works, and he can design machines to do what he can’t. Not only that, but he’s also very compassionate- so much so that he couldn’t bring himself to kill one of the very creatures that had killed his fellow villagers, simply because “it looked frightened.” And while these traits are not what his village wants of him, and his mishaps do cause many problems for everyone, Hiccup accepts all this about himself and simply does his best to fix everything. He may not be the ideal Viking, but he is definitely the ideal Hero.
Sample Post: “Congratulations, Mr. Hiccup and Mr. Grawgh. You two have been chosen to be surrogate parents for this egg until such time that it hatches. It is your duty to make sure that no harm comes to this egg-baby, and failure to do so will result in severe consequences.” Great. Not only am I stuck in this weird swamp-place, but now I have to babysit some egg that’s bigger then I am. Knowing my luck, there’s going to be some kind of giant monster who wants to eat it or something. And somehow I don’t think my ‘partner’ in all of this is going to be too helpful, either, what with the whole ‘lack of proper arms and missing a foot’ thing. Now now, Mr. Grawgh, I’m not saying that missing all of those things is bad. I know a guy back home who has an axe for an arm and a stump for a leg and he still fights with the best of them. But I don’t think anyone would trust the guy to hold a baby, let alone take care of a giant egg. That’s just an accident waiting to happen. And somehow I would be blamed for it, I’m sure.
Well, I guess the first thing we should worry about is any animals that might eat this egg. Its way too heavy to move easily, and enemies would definitely take advantage of that. We might have to actually fight something off, and as you probably noticed I’m not exactly the best person to send into a battle. Fortunately, I was prepared for this kind of thing. You see, we Vikings have giant catapults that can throw boulders at our enemies. However, those things aren’t exactly easy to move, so I’ve been trying to build one that’s much smaller and easier to use. This beauty right here is small enough that a couple people could carry it with ease, and you fire it by tugging on this string here-
Uh-oh. I hope nobody was in that cabin. Er, it has a bit of a hair trigger, and there’s still some calibration issues, but I think I can work all of the bugs out. Give me a little time, and I can fix it. And the cabin too. But while I do that, I’m going to need you to watch out for any creatures that might try to harm this egg. Just shout a warning if you see something suspicious. Can you do that for me? …Mr. Grawgh?
Of course. I’m stuck guarding this egg, I’m defenseless until I fix my weapon, the people who own that cabin are going to hate me, and now my partner in this craziness is just sitting there and eating his own leg. This day just couldn’t get worse.
…does that sign over there say “DANGER: WITHIN TENTACLE RANGE”?
Hiccup #2
Character: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III
Series: How to Train Your Dragon
Age: Teenager
THERE MAY BE MILD SPOILERS IN THE APP
Canon: The island of Berk, an island twelve days north of Hopeless and a few degrees south of Freezing to Death, is not the easiest place to live. With dragon raids occurring almost every night, it's the sheer stubbornness of the Vikings that keeps them there -- well, the fact that most of them are built like houses certainly helps. For over seven generations, dragons and Vikings have been locked in an epic battle... but it turns out that the Vikings have misunderstood the dragons entirely. It is the protagonist Hiccup who realizes this; after being unable to kill a dragon himself, he instead names the dragon Toothless and comes to care for him, and in doing so, learns that everything he had been told about dragons was wrong. But while Hiccup is able to accept that dragons are more cat-like than monstrous, the rest of the tribe is not nearly as easy to convince. So it's up to Hiccup to not only prove that big and tough aren't the only Viking qualities, but to also change the minds of his tribe to protect Toothless, and to put an end to an unnecessary war.
Hiccup is essentially the runt of the Vikings of Berk. Considering he's the son of the chief of the tribe, he grows up feeling the pressure to be a manly, dragon-slaying Viking, and wants to make his father proud. But in a culture where being brawny and all about action is the norm, being scrawny and brainy makes it difficult to live up to expectations. Hiccup is small, and can barely lift a sword, so he has to rely on his mechanical skills to solve his problems instead -- which usually leads to accidentally knocking people out or inadvertently destroying half of the town. He's sarcastic, and has a very dry sense of humor, but his wit tends to be either lost on or plain unappreciated by the tribe. But don't let that fool you into thinking he's just an apathetic teen. His demeanor is mostly a cover for his own insecurities and awkwardness in dealing with others, and the fact that being a pacifist doesn't fit in to Viking culture.
Sample Post:
...Ow. Hello there ground, how are you doing today? We should really, really stop meeting like this. I'm not sure how many more times I can get shot out of the sky before my body stages a mutiny and doesn't let me up again. Ugh, okay, getting back on the dragon and going back home, take two. Toothless! Are you okay--- and you're not here. Perfect. This is definitely the ideal scenario after crash-landing into a swamp you've never seen before. Come on, now is not the time for chameleon impressions-- Hey! Okay, out of the shrubbery, we don't have time for this. ...Oh uh, no. You're not Toothless, you are... not without teeth. I mean, you only have four, but four is a good effort, in the er, having teeth department. Just keep that up, and you can-- and now you have three. You may really want to reflect on your hygiene, while you can still technically chew. And reflect on taking care the rest of you, wow. You really look like you're going to fall apart any second now.
Oh whoa, hey! No need to get so so touchy. Not everyone can be as skilled as I am in every area. I know I probably made it look easy, but it takes surprisingly more talent than you would think for a Viking to fall through the air screaming like a little girl. I mean, anyone can yell, but it's the arm flapping and the tearing up as you beg for survival that really sets you apart. I'd show you, so that you too could master falling with style, but the ground and I have a rocky relationship as it is, and I'd really rather not aggravate it any more. That, and it takes a lot of dedication and training, which would cut into your flossing time. So you can just keep doing whatever it is you do, and be yourself. If being a master tumbler isn't for you, maybe-- brains? Uh yes, definitely! Being smart, see, that's something to be proud of! ...And so is being succinct! I mean, who really needs all those extra words cluttering up a sentence and actually giving it meaning, when you can just repeat one over and over again?
Though if you do want to be a master of something that isn't repetition, might I suggest personal space? You can start with stepping back, and stopping that grabbing at my head thing you're trying to do. Come on, think about this, are these actions really you? Is this your passion and dream? I mean, there are a lot of brain-eating zombies! You could even say that there's a surplus! Have you considered a career change, bucking the trend? Being yourself, instead of being what everyone expects you to be? Maybe underneath that decay is a cooking zombie, or... a gardening zombie, just trying to break out! ...Or maybe brain-eating is who you are. You know what, I'm... I'm going to go demonstrate my mastery of fleeing from danger. Screaming like a girl may or may not be included. So, if you don't mind... or even if you do, actually! Uh, yes. Bye! Maybe I shouldn't talk so much about screaming.
Poll So?