(no subject)
FIRST BATCH. Let's roll, guys. ♥
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
- I will seriously kidney punch you through the internet if you vote someone out due to where they set their app or whatnot.
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character name: Kyle
Series: Suikoden V
Age: 24~25
Job: Ladies' Knight
Canon: Welcome to Falena, a prosperous land governed by the benevolent Queen Arshtat. At least, it was a prosperous land until civil war erupted. See, the Queendom of Falena possesses the Sun Rune--an item of great power that can cause immense destruction when put in the wrong hands. One pair of "wrong hands" may be the Godwin family, who would love to see nothing more than the Sun Rune being used more often as a military tool, and they'll stop at nothing to have it their way, even if it means infiltrating the royal family itself. This is where the Prince of Falena steps in--he's here to save the day and stop the Godwins from potentially vaporizing Falena and its neighboring nations with the power of the Sun Rune.
Fighting alongside the Prince in this good fight is Kyle, a member of Falena's finest: the Queen's Knights. While he's good with his sword, he's actually better known for his magic as well as his womanizing ways. He can seem like a broken record going on and on about girls and sex, but when it comes down to it, Kyle's serious and reliable enough to be trusted with the duty of protecting the royal family from whatever may befall them. Even so, he is very casual and uninhibited in his speech and behavior, regardless of whether he's talking to some thug on the street or to a member of the royal family. His laid back attitude occasionally gets him in trouble, but he always gets down to business when it counts.
Sample Entry:
Excuse me, but could you help me locate Lady Elizabeth Sayre? I hear she's cute, blond, and very mysterious... Ring any bells?
Why do I ask? Well, here's the situation: I've come from a faraway land to ease the grief that has struck her heart. No need to tell me--I already know all about how she tragically lost her fiance, and I fully intend to make her forget all about him using whatever means necessary, if you catch my drift. Now, before you ask why I should care--what with being a foreigner and all, let me just say that it's my duty as a rogue knight to comfort ladies in distress. That sort of thing is practically in the job description, right next to protecting the royal family! It's at times like these that ladies need a strong shoulder to cry on, a gentle hand to hold them, and a caring soul to make lo--Ah... I mean, those who are grieving shouldn't be left alone. Who knows what she might do? Aside from creating a camp full of zombies.
Not that I have anything against zombie ladies such as yourself! You look quite stunning for all the decay you've been through, and the green of your hair really goes well the gray of your skin. And it matches your... eyes? Er, eye sockets. Sorry, your hair was covering those lovely empty holes of yours. And that all-natural smell you have about you really knocks a guy out! No, really! I can barely stay on my feet the scent's so strong. I don't understand why you're not more popular with the guys here--you're quite the jaw-dropper for a zombie babe. Uh... That wasn't an invitation for you to actually drop your jaw; it's just a figure of speech. I bet the zombies guys like that sort of thing though... It's a zombie kink, right? Losing limbs and stuff. Haha... ha.
Anyway, while I'd love to spend more time with someone as engaging as you, I gotta continue my search for Lady Elizabeth before she does any permanent damage to what I'm sure is a lovely and curvaceous body. You can't blame a guy for wanting a hot babe in one piece, can you? I'm not a zombie, so that entire loss of limb business isn't all that appealing to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going back on my word about saying that you're a looker as far as zombies go. You're just not my type. I tend to like my girls a little more lively and... What would be a good word for this? Fleshy? You're taking the skinny bit a little too far for my taste.
But don't look so down. Listen, here's what I'll do for you. You keep going on about those brains, right? How about I help you snag some brainy boyfriend? I'm not sure zombie guys come in that variety, but I could be wrong! You'll get your brains, and I'll get my hot, blond chick of a director. Sounds good, right?
Poll Vote!
Name: Son Goku
Age: 39
Series: Dragonball Z
Occupation: Martial Arts Instructor
Canon: Long ago, a kindly old martial artist found an alien baby lying in its spaceship. He decided to raise the child as his own grandson, and the boy was as good as gold - at least, he was just as soon as the old man dropped him on his head from the top of a cliff. As a boy, the child - named Goku - met many wonderful friends and raced around the world to hunt the seven magic Dragonballs, which when collected could summon a dragon capable of granting any wish. Goku's good, pure heart and love of martial arts saved the day from the clutches of evil countless times, a job he has happily continued even after dying twice in the process.
Goku is an accomplished martial artist whose love for challenges and fighting has helped him to become the greatest warrior in the known universe. Despite being insanely strong, he has a kind and gentle heart and he very much believes in second chances and doing what is right. He loves the planet and all the people of the world, and so he often fights to protect them. When he isn't training, he is just a friendly, excitable guy with an insatiable appetite and a very low common sense/IQ combination.
Sample Post:
Whew! Man, whoever wrote this letter sure wasn't kidding about the state you guys are in here. I thought it was just a joke when it said everybody was going to look like death warmed over. Are you sure you're in any kind of shape to learn martial arts? I had a pretty rough go at it back when I was your age, and my arms and legs were still attached. You do know this is a free service, right? I mean, it's not actually going to cost an arm or a leg to learn this stuff. Really, those parts are pretty important to what I'm going to teach, sooo you should probably put them back on. They do snap back on, right? Or maybe glue? I mean, it'd be pretty hard learning how to punch without an arm.
Huh, let's see then. Uh, I guess we'll just start off easy! That's the ticket. Okay, for the before breakfast warm-up, we'll do a hundred laps around the lake, fifty laps on the zig-zag path through the woods and to end that, how about running up the steep side of that volcano on just your hands? It'll be great! Uh, wait, some of you are still missing your arms, so - Yeah! I know! All right, you can just hop up on one leg. It's gonna be great for your balance! Huh, wait just a minute though, that's a pretty good idea for the rest of you too, so maybe you guys can alternate? No, not your arms and legs! You'd look pretty silly if you kept those feet where your hands would be. Besides that, how would you even eat?
Well, that's the routine. Hop to it, everybody! After you finish up there, we can get a move on to all the tough stuff. You know, it was awfully nice of those gorillas to help set up the beehive for our mid-afternoon speed training. Kinda weird too, but I'm not about to argue with just any old beekeeper! What was it they promised? I think they might have said the bees were about the size of frisbees, but that just makes it easier for you kids. Man, back when I was training like this, I had to dodge regular-sized bees! These ones are gonna be as big as your heads! You're not going to have a problem dodging these fellas at all! I tell you, kids today sure have it easy.
Soooo . . . before we get started, do you think we can get something to eat? I'm starving! All that running around in the wilderness sure brings back a lot of memories, and when I think about how hungry I was working out as a kid, I start getting hungry again now, ehehe. Besides, you guys all want a snack too, right? Yeah! What you kids need is something home-grown and natural. You know, real people food! I dunno about that soylent green stuff, but it's looking pretty goopy, and that's just plain gross. Talk about your yuck. Here, take this soylent orange instead! It's mm, mm good!
Poll Vote!
Character: William T. Spears
Series: Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler)
Age: Adult, but indeterminate due to being a Grim Reaper
Job: Resident "The Man"
Canon: Once upon a time in Victorian England there was a young Earl named Ciel Phantomhive. 12-year-old Ciel has endured quite a bit in his young life. His family, trapped inside their sabotaged, burning manor, all perished. Ciel himself was kidnapped, thus escaping this fate-though whether that was indeed a benefit is not easily determined. Some time later, Ciel surfaces from his captivity with a brand new demon of a butler, Sebastian. These days, Ciel is the Watchdog of the Queen, investigating atrocities most foul with the help of his bonded servant.
It's in one of these investigations-centering around Jack the Ripper-that Ciel and Sebastian encounter William T. Spears, Grim Reaper. The primary function of a Grim Reaper is to judge and collect the souls of the immediately deceased… on a schedule, of course. William is a chilly, straight-laced, and serious death god who does things strictly by the book-literally. To wit, he carries a hardbound, heavily bookmarked rule book at all times and is quick to correct others' mistakes. He has a deep-seated disrespect and disgust for demons and rule-breakers. Additionally, his stickler attitude makes it hard to blend in with humans-fortunately, people assume that he's just joking when he comments on the state of their soul or accuses someone of being a demon from hell. Unfortunately, William lacks any sense of humor whatsoever and doesn't care in the slightest for delicate notions of normalcy. Like all Reapers, William's "scythe" is actually an entirely different type of gardening implement: long-handled, indefinitely extendable hedge shears, to be precise, and not at all a metaphor for his distant and cutting personality.
Sample Post:
Honestly. To be sent to a place like this and to exist in the same area as these drivelers-no, not drivelers. One must be able to articulate anything at all to produce drivel. I'd call them rats, but even then I suppose rats have more dignity than these shambling revenants. Filthy things. You decaying, abrading creatures moreso than the rats, but don't misunderstand me, I'm no friend to them, either. Let's get down to business, shall we? The first order of business is as follows: look to the dirt. Yes, yes, it is fetid and soggy today but that is hardly my point. Now, if you could possibly pay your attention to the line that I am delineating. This boundary is not to be breached at any time. If any one of you so much as thinks about-Oh, who am I fooling. None of you is thinking anything at all. Continue doing that, so long as it is on the other side of this line from me.
The second order of business is as follows: I was sent here to rectify institutionalized mistakes. Evidently, this makes me "The Man"; however, I do not know nor do I care what that signifies. Kindly do not interrupt again, or I shall be tempted to divorce your head from your body, though I'm not sure it would make a difference in your ability to function. But since you've brought it up: you may pretend to "damn" me all you want, but "The Man" or not, it will not make a significant difference. It's ludicrous to think that, as I am a Grim Reaper, you could even entertain the concept of killing me, let alone damning. As I was saying before I was quite rudely interrupted by a porridge-brained, limp-tongued corpse, things here have been disastrous for some time. For example, the name. "CFUD" is just as likely to stand for "Camp for Felonious, Unintelligent Deviants" as for anything else. Perhaps instead of "deviants" we substitute "demons". It would explain everything, really. The disorderly conduct, the scores of unscheduled departures resulting in these hobbling imbeciles. They've overrun the grounds to the point where my job is essentially archaic. No, this will not do.
All of this leads me to our third order of business: what to do with all of you. Certainly you are unfit to continue existing. You have all been late to your appointments and I do not abide by tardiness; therefore, something must be done. There is one hindrance that will momentarily extend your pointless, rotting existences, however. I would prefer to finish up and take my leave, but there is paperwork to be done. If we cannot respect the rules and regulations that have been set forth for our own good, then we are no better than the creatures who have no laws at all, correct? In the meantime, we will wait patiently, you on your side and me on mine.
...No, this is not your side of the line. It is mine. You are encroaching on the boundary by exactly one foot. Perhaps you will learn to mind your manners if we make that half a foot.
Poll Vote!
Character: Leia Organa.
Series: Star Wars.
Age: 22.
Job: Diplomatic Adviser.
Canon: In a galaxy far, far away, the ultimate battle between Star Trek good and evil converges upon the battlefield of space. With the destruction of the Republic that peacefully united many planetary systems, an Empire puppeted by Darth Vader rose to total power through a dictatorship. Like any group of righteous misfits banding together to overthrow a corrupt form of government, the Rebel Alliance was formed to thwart evil and restore democratic happy fun times. It would take a farmboy, princess, smuggler, walking carpet, and two comic relief droids to lead the Rebels in turning the tide of the war over the course of three films.
Filling the role of that pushy princess with the not-quite British accent, Leia has worked consistently to support and partially lead the rebellion despite her young age. As a senator and representative of her (former) home world, she takes her position seriously - barking orders and rolling her eyes where need be. Literal to a fault and blunt without apology, Leia also uses her dry humor like a knight would use a sword. It may be difficult to derail her preference for peaceful negotiation, but she has no qualms bypassing the formalities when a blaster gun is in order. Despite the hardcore diplomatic shell, there is a soft center to her if you’re persistent enough to break open the tootsie pop.
Sample App:
You’re kidding, right? I’m sure the native décor might have been charming at one point, but you can hardly expect me to feel comfortable under these conditions. The bog and quicksand are less than ideal when hiring potential employees. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to know whose brilliant idea it was to build a facility in the middle of a swamp. Did anyone even bother to get a whiff of this place before the executive decision went through? I’m surprised the air is clean enough to sustain life in the first place, let alone for us to breathe.
Well. I suppose I hardly have a choice in the matter now that I’m settled. Let’s clear up the details, shall we? I was recently assigned to advise and ideally settle disputes among the residents here. Your complaints will be heard in a private meeting, which can be scheduled at any time. Let me assure you that I fully intend to conduct these sessions between us as fairly and smoothly as possible. If for some reason this system is abused, you risk losing your case to the shuffle of bureaucratic paperwork. Does that sound efficient? I didn’t think so. While I have you all here, one more thing-I’ve nothing against species of the undead, but if I’m going to be staying here for an extended period of time it wouldn’t kill you to bathe once in a while. That wasn’t a suggestion.
Now, I’m aware that many of the complaints filed seem to be torn, burned, thrown in that poor excuse for a lake and otherwise half eaten. ... Either this is some kind of test on my level of commitment, or I really have my work cut out for me. I’ll have you know that the challenge makes the job all the more enjoyable. Do try harder. I’ve seen training droids with better evasive skills than that.
-Excuse me! If you think you’re coming anywhere near my head with that tentacle, you’re sorely mistaken. I’ll have you know that I’m not wearing "donuts" they’re braids, which certainly aren’t on the menu today. Why don’t you make a suggestion for a new meal rather than trying to manhandle my hair? If you’re going to plead your case in the future, I suggest you learn to behave yourself and communicate the matter properly.
Get that slimy arm out of my way before I blast it off.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Aragorn
Series: The Lord of the Rings (film trilogy)
Character Age: 87 (but appears around 40)
Job: Camp Tracker
Canon: Once upon a time, the dark lord Sauron created a Ring, pouring his power and malice into it. Unfortunately for him, he was defeated and lost the Ring along the way. Thousands of years later, through a series of strange events, the Ring ends up in the possession of a hobbit named Frodo. With Sauron planning a war and doing everything possible to find the Ring again, Frodo embarks on a dangerous task: to take the Ring into the enemy’s land of Mordor and destroy it once and for all. As one does not simply walk into Mordor, a Fellowship is made to help Frodo on his journey.
One member of this group is Aragorn, a Ranger who is more than he first appears. While Aragorn comes across as grim and shady on first impressions, he is quick to aid Frodo on his quest and remains steadfastly loyal to those he calls friends. His skill and experience as a traveller in the wilds conceals his true identity, the heir to the kingdom of Gondor. His own doubts about his worthiness for this destiny belie his natural ability to lead, and Aragorn comes into his own as a fierce fighter who will do whatever it takes to see good prevail. Nonetheless, Aragorn remains practical about his role, knowing that his efforts are for the survival of all Middle-Earth, not just his own right to rule. Aragorn is above all steadfast and determined, willing to push himself to the limit to aid those who need it most.
Sample Entry:
Three days and three nights have I tracked my quarry across woods and plains unknown to me. Though the task I was given by the Lady of this land was one well within my skills, I begin to see why the capture of one soul person has vexed her so long. It is as though I hunt a living phantom, one who leaves marks that double back and forth, yet lead to no destination. Ever it seems that the very landscape itself seeks to thwart my efforts and aid their flight. But I will not give in to despair, not now, not even in these darkest of nights where even the moon has an ill-favoured look … and can give looks that are ill-favoured.
To halt the flight of a murderer: that is my goal. Such people are cunning, and always prepared to escape by whatever means they may come across. Their trail was fresh upon the ground nearest to the borders of the village here. There it was that I passed into the woods, though not without difficulty. The regions near the lake are guarded by a most diligent watcher, who suffers none to venture too close. Such vigilance is hard to turn aside, but I made clear my intention to pass - and which regions must never be trespassed in. I have seldom been in lands so frequently fraught with peril, and strange customs. The way into the woods was barred by gates, which their keeper claimed to be the Gates of GO. Passing the gates was an easier feat, though the gatekeeper was most insistent on giving me payment. For what reason I can not tell, but it would be unwise to make an enemy of such a generous man.
The trail lead into the woods, and there the signs became confused and hard to read. Every path I followed meandered into walls of vines and roots with minds of their own, and those minds were not clean. I begin to fear my hunt has been in vain, for there are no living things this deep in the wilderness… no living things, but many that still move. The dead keep these paths, clogging the way with their limbs, and masking any tell-tale sound with their tortured cries. Indeed I feel pity for them! For many do not realise their own fate, moaning only that they are not yet dead, and wish to walk onwards. But their ills are ones I can not heal, and I must press on. I see now that I have been lead thus far on a whim, on the chance that I would become bewitched by the strange magic of this land and give up. I will not. Even the hounded must stop to rest, and that will be their downfall.
I shall find the one the Lady seeks so desperately. I shall bring them back past the Gates of GO, collect their two hundred dollars, and bring them to her feet in judgement.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Kakei
Series: Legal Drug
Age: 25-30 something.
Job: Safe and Legal Camp-Approved Pharmacist (No liability for your loss of sanity)
Canon: You know the drill. Christmas Eve. Selfless boy picks up poor, dying waif from the street, takes him home and the nice landlady allows him to stay in exchange for helping out around the house. Only in this story, Rikuou is no selfless boy, just a jerk, Kazahaya is a spaz, and the landlady is Kakei, a pretty man managing a drugstore and sporting a conspicuous boyfriend named Saiga. In addition to letting Kazahaya and Rikuou earn their keep at the drugstore, Kakei sometimes offer them odd jobs outside the store. Of course, it's all good business.
The manager of "Green Drugstore", Kakei is a (perfectly) normal, although very pretty pharmacist; gentle-mannered and helpful towards his customers and never late to deliver a sweet smile. It goes without saying that he seems to be a good man, and he certainly cares for Kazahaya and Rikuou. So much that he only sends them on dangerous missions that he knows they'll succeed at, to a degree. (Although payment will be given only on 100% completion). He just doesn't always share all the details, because under his neat surface of polite manners Kakei is an unpredictable precognitive, harbouring a sadistic and eerily smiling personality. He employs it to either tease, blackmail or scare his employees and other people shitless, then sugar-coats his behaviour with a brilliant smile and a friendly pat on their shoulder. Ultimately, he does have their best interests in mind, but a slightly devious way of showing it.
Sample Post:
Camp Fuck You Die. It instantly pulls attention to itself, doesn't it? Though, I might have to say it's almost a little disappointing. You'd think a place with such a suggestive name would have a little more activity of the lascivious kind. But as far as I can see, the only "sins of the flesh" is the way it's barely hanging off the bones of the inhabitants. Being called in as a pharmacist in a summer camp is one thing, and I don't really mind it. The problem is, as much as I would like to be of help to these poor individuals, I wonder what kind of medication would actually have any sort of effect on persons already dead. Oh, what's this, a prescription? ..."v1@gr@"? Well, I'm sceptical of it helping you, really. I might not be a doctor, but I know my fair share in the medical field. I couldn't possibly have you count on something unreliable, but I suppose it can't hurt to try. Here. This should be it. Just be sure to tell me of any side effects. I'd like the products in my store to be as successful as possible, after all.
Now, regarding the payment. You don't seem to have any money, so I have a small suggestion for you. If you could find a special object for me that I will need very soon, I'll consider taking that as my fee. The item in question is a dark piece of rectangular cloth, with added straps on the sides. You'll recognize it when you see it, and it's quite an easy task to locate it, I assure you. ...oh, you will take the job? Splendid. I just think I need to tell you one thing: it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. It's a worthwhile warning, yes? Oh, now, I might just be exaggerating, so please don't let that get your hopes down! Just keep your sights on the goal, be careful and I'm sure you'll be all right. Off you go, and be careful now.
Are you next in line? Hm? Ah... no, I don't think there is much profit in zombie condoms, but normal ones should work just as well, I believe. There is a small selection, so I hope you'll find something to fit your special tastes. I haven't been ordering any new ones in a while now, because I don't think they'll be in high demand here. However, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable supplying material for a possible necrophilia. Oh, I didn't intend to be prejudiced, it's merely an unusual concept to me. I apologize for being so unprofessional and thinking out loud like that, of course.
Why... someone cutting in line? Yes, that's all right. If you'd let him go first, I'd be quite grateful. ...welcome back! My, you are very fast indeed, though it seems you've been quite reckless, haven't you? Mm, that is quite an injury, I must say. I did tell you to be careful, but I'm not entirely surprised by this. Don't worry, it's easily redeemed. If you could please give me the eye patch you brought back, I'll put it on for you. There, much better, don't you agree? ...Oh right, that's true. You need to pay for it too, of course. With what? Well, I can be nice and give you a discount and put it on your tab for now. You did complete the mission, after all.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Kusama Nowaki
Series: Junjou Romantica
Age: 25
Job: Sexy nurse
Canon: Junjou Romantica follows the romantic lives of three gay couples in modern day Japan. These six people are loosely connected to each other through work, old friendships, or having the same commute. The Egoist arc takes the reader on the magical ride that is the life of one (1) college literature professor and one (1) med school student. As odd as their romance may be, it's certainly more normal than the arc about the teddy bear loving award winning yaoi author and the undergraduate. Or the one about the little rich boy who's decided to seduce a man 17 years his senior.
Kusama Nowaki is studying to be a pediatrician and "catch up" professionally to his boyfriend of seven years, Kamijou Hiroki. Fortunately, Nowaki is smart, amiable, hard-working, and very enthusiastic. His name means "typhoon" since he was left on the step of an orphanage in a storm and it is said that he now blows like his namesake into the lives of the people around him, sweeping them off their feet with his earnestness and passion. Nowaki is selfless and consistently puts others first. His overwhelming desire for Hiroki was the first time he felt he absolutely had to have something and he pursued Hiroki with the same amount of energy he puts into everything else.
Sample Post:
Excuse me! I was wondering if you could help me find someone. He's about a head shorter than me and--Ah! I didn't mean that you should make yourself literally a head shorter! Please, sit down! It can't be healthy to be standing in your condition! ..."Healthy" might not be the right word to use here.
Of course, I've seen plenty of cadavers at school, but the ones here are definitely more animated. It must be true when they say that no amount of training will prepare you for the real thing. I heard this was a good place to get experience with unusual medical situations, but I didn't expect this. I don't actually know if I'm qualified to work here, although if it's not a challenge then there's no point in my being here. I'm willing to work hard to help the patients here recover. Ah, maybe I shouldn't say that either. Everyone I've seen so far looked to be terminal. Still, I hope I'll be able to help them somehow. ...I might have more confidence if I had a more professional title. I don't think "sexy" is the best prefix to my designation as nurse. I'll try to appreciate the sentiment. I wish the uniform covered more of my legs, though. It's a little cold.
A-ah! He's bleeding! I need a towel or something to staunch the flow- Oh, um, I guess my coat works too. I heard that in the old days, blood soaked clothing was the mark of a good doctor. I'll think of the staining like a fancy tie that really needs to be cleaned before it spreads infection to my next patient. I'm sure it's not his fault, but I wish he wouldn't take everything I say so literally. I'm not used to having people hang on to my words as tightly as he's hanging on to my arm. Like me, I think he tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, but I can't tell him that or he might actually try it. I'll admit that none of this is in my area of specialty, but my background in medicine should be broad enough to help me through this. Maybe because I'm a simple person it's important to me that I do well here, but since my goal is to become a doctor as quickly as possible, I feel like I have to put my all into my training. In these last few years I've worked myself to the bone. Not as literally as my patient has, though. I wonder when exactly it becomes too late to perform a skin graft? He really is just skin and bones, and some of them are poking through.
It might help if I put him on a high fat, high calorie diet. It's a good thing I'm back in America. That should make it a lot easier for him to stick to his regimen! The last time I studied in America it seemed like all the food my classmates ate fit that description. Although, from what I can tell the food here isn't as greasy as some of what was popular then. Maybe it's a regional thing. If that's the case, I might be able to find some things to send home that are unique to this area as well. So far I haven't seen anything around here that I could give as a present. I can get seafood easily enough back in Japan and while these tropical birds are pretty I can't think of anyone who would like one. I want to find something that is both memorable and useful... And not a body part. Sir, thank you very much, but while that really would make an impression you need that more than I do! Let me reattach your hand for you before that bird in the bush decides he's going to rewrite the proverb. I understand your health care system has recently been reformed, but this is already pushing the limits of any reasonable insurance!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
- I will seriously kidney punch you through the internet if you vote someone out due to where they set their app or whatnot.
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character name: Kyle
Series: Suikoden V
Age: 24~25
Job: Ladies' Knight
Canon: Welcome to Falena, a prosperous land governed by the benevolent Queen Arshtat. At least, it was a prosperous land until civil war erupted. See, the Queendom of Falena possesses the Sun Rune--an item of great power that can cause immense destruction when put in the wrong hands. One pair of "wrong hands" may be the Godwin family, who would love to see nothing more than the Sun Rune being used more often as a military tool, and they'll stop at nothing to have it their way, even if it means infiltrating the royal family itself. This is where the Prince of Falena steps in--he's here to save the day and stop the Godwins from potentially vaporizing Falena and its neighboring nations with the power of the Sun Rune.
Fighting alongside the Prince in this good fight is Kyle, a member of Falena's finest: the Queen's Knights. While he's good with his sword, he's actually better known for his magic as well as his womanizing ways. He can seem like a broken record going on and on about girls and sex, but when it comes down to it, Kyle's serious and reliable enough to be trusted with the duty of protecting the royal family from whatever may befall them. Even so, he is very casual and uninhibited in his speech and behavior, regardless of whether he's talking to some thug on the street or to a member of the royal family. His laid back attitude occasionally gets him in trouble, but he always gets down to business when it counts.
Sample Entry:
Excuse me, but could you help me locate Lady Elizabeth Sayre? I hear she's cute, blond, and very mysterious... Ring any bells?
Why do I ask? Well, here's the situation: I've come from a faraway land to ease the grief that has struck her heart. No need to tell me--I already know all about how she tragically lost her fiance, and I fully intend to make her forget all about him using whatever means necessary, if you catch my drift. Now, before you ask why I should care--what with being a foreigner and all, let me just say that it's my duty as a rogue knight to comfort ladies in distress. That sort of thing is practically in the job description, right next to protecting the royal family! It's at times like these that ladies need a strong shoulder to cry on, a gentle hand to hold them, and a caring soul to make lo--Ah... I mean, those who are grieving shouldn't be left alone. Who knows what she might do? Aside from creating a camp full of zombies.
Not that I have anything against zombie ladies such as yourself! You look quite stunning for all the decay you've been through, and the green of your hair really goes well the gray of your skin. And it matches your... eyes? Er, eye sockets. Sorry, your hair was covering those lovely empty holes of yours. And that all-natural smell you have about you really knocks a guy out! No, really! I can barely stay on my feet the scent's so strong. I don't understand why you're not more popular with the guys here--you're quite the jaw-dropper for a zombie babe. Uh... That wasn't an invitation for you to actually drop your jaw; it's just a figure of speech. I bet the zombies guys like that sort of thing though... It's a zombie kink, right? Losing limbs and stuff. Haha... ha.
Anyway, while I'd love to spend more time with someone as engaging as you, I gotta continue my search for Lady Elizabeth before she does any permanent damage to what I'm sure is a lovely and curvaceous body. You can't blame a guy for wanting a hot babe in one piece, can you? I'm not a zombie, so that entire loss of limb business isn't all that appealing to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going back on my word about saying that you're a looker as far as zombies go. You're just not my type. I tend to like my girls a little more lively and... What would be a good word for this? Fleshy? You're taking the skinny bit a little too far for my taste.
But don't look so down. Listen, here's what I'll do for you. You keep going on about those brains, right? How about I help you snag some brainy boyfriend? I'm not sure zombie guys come in that variety, but I could be wrong! You'll get your brains, and I'll get my hot, blond chick of a director. Sounds good, right?
Poll Vote!
Name: Son Goku
Age: 39
Series: Dragonball Z
Occupation: Martial Arts Instructor
Canon: Long ago, a kindly old martial artist found an alien baby lying in its spaceship. He decided to raise the child as his own grandson, and the boy was as good as gold - at least, he was just as soon as the old man dropped him on his head from the top of a cliff. As a boy, the child - named Goku - met many wonderful friends and raced around the world to hunt the seven magic Dragonballs, which when collected could summon a dragon capable of granting any wish. Goku's good, pure heart and love of martial arts saved the day from the clutches of evil countless times, a job he has happily continued even after dying twice in the process.
Goku is an accomplished martial artist whose love for challenges and fighting has helped him to become the greatest warrior in the known universe. Despite being insanely strong, he has a kind and gentle heart and he very much believes in second chances and doing what is right. He loves the planet and all the people of the world, and so he often fights to protect them. When he isn't training, he is just a friendly, excitable guy with an insatiable appetite and a very low common sense/IQ combination.
Sample Post:
Whew! Man, whoever wrote this letter sure wasn't kidding about the state you guys are in here. I thought it was just a joke when it said everybody was going to look like death warmed over. Are you sure you're in any kind of shape to learn martial arts? I had a pretty rough go at it back when I was your age, and my arms and legs were still attached. You do know this is a free service, right? I mean, it's not actually going to cost an arm or a leg to learn this stuff. Really, those parts are pretty important to what I'm going to teach, sooo you should probably put them back on. They do snap back on, right? Or maybe glue? I mean, it'd be pretty hard learning how to punch without an arm.
Huh, let's see then. Uh, I guess we'll just start off easy! That's the ticket. Okay, for the before breakfast warm-up, we'll do a hundred laps around the lake, fifty laps on the zig-zag path through the woods and to end that, how about running up the steep side of that volcano on just your hands? It'll be great! Uh, wait, some of you are still missing your arms, so - Yeah! I know! All right, you can just hop up on one leg. It's gonna be great for your balance! Huh, wait just a minute though, that's a pretty good idea for the rest of you too, so maybe you guys can alternate? No, not your arms and legs! You'd look pretty silly if you kept those feet where your hands would be. Besides that, how would you even eat?
Well, that's the routine. Hop to it, everybody! After you finish up there, we can get a move on to all the tough stuff. You know, it was awfully nice of those gorillas to help set up the beehive for our mid-afternoon speed training. Kinda weird too, but I'm not about to argue with just any old beekeeper! What was it they promised? I think they might have said the bees were about the size of frisbees, but that just makes it easier for you kids. Man, back when I was training like this, I had to dodge regular-sized bees! These ones are gonna be as big as your heads! You're not going to have a problem dodging these fellas at all! I tell you, kids today sure have it easy.
Soooo . . . before we get started, do you think we can get something to eat? I'm starving! All that running around in the wilderness sure brings back a lot of memories, and when I think about how hungry I was working out as a kid, I start getting hungry again now, ehehe. Besides, you guys all want a snack too, right? Yeah! What you kids need is something home-grown and natural. You know, real people food! I dunno about that soylent green stuff, but it's looking pretty goopy, and that's just plain gross. Talk about your yuck. Here, take this soylent orange instead! It's mm, mm good!
Poll Vote!
Character: William T. Spears
Series: Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler)
Age: Adult, but indeterminate due to being a Grim Reaper
Job: Resident "The Man"
Canon: Once upon a time in Victorian England there was a young Earl named Ciel Phantomhive. 12-year-old Ciel has endured quite a bit in his young life. His family, trapped inside their sabotaged, burning manor, all perished. Ciel himself was kidnapped, thus escaping this fate-though whether that was indeed a benefit is not easily determined. Some time later, Ciel surfaces from his captivity with a brand new demon of a butler, Sebastian. These days, Ciel is the Watchdog of the Queen, investigating atrocities most foul with the help of his bonded servant.
It's in one of these investigations-centering around Jack the Ripper-that Ciel and Sebastian encounter William T. Spears, Grim Reaper. The primary function of a Grim Reaper is to judge and collect the souls of the immediately deceased… on a schedule, of course. William is a chilly, straight-laced, and serious death god who does things strictly by the book-literally. To wit, he carries a hardbound, heavily bookmarked rule book at all times and is quick to correct others' mistakes. He has a deep-seated disrespect and disgust for demons and rule-breakers. Additionally, his stickler attitude makes it hard to blend in with humans-fortunately, people assume that he's just joking when he comments on the state of their soul or accuses someone of being a demon from hell. Unfortunately, William lacks any sense of humor whatsoever and doesn't care in the slightest for delicate notions of normalcy. Like all Reapers, William's "scythe" is actually an entirely different type of gardening implement: long-handled, indefinitely extendable hedge shears, to be precise, and not at all a metaphor for his distant and cutting personality.
Sample Post:
Honestly. To be sent to a place like this and to exist in the same area as these drivelers-no, not drivelers. One must be able to articulate anything at all to produce drivel. I'd call them rats, but even then I suppose rats have more dignity than these shambling revenants. Filthy things. You decaying, abrading creatures moreso than the rats, but don't misunderstand me, I'm no friend to them, either. Let's get down to business, shall we? The first order of business is as follows: look to the dirt. Yes, yes, it is fetid and soggy today but that is hardly my point. Now, if you could possibly pay your attention to the line that I am delineating. This boundary is not to be breached at any time. If any one of you so much as thinks about-Oh, who am I fooling. None of you is thinking anything at all. Continue doing that, so long as it is on the other side of this line from me.
The second order of business is as follows: I was sent here to rectify institutionalized mistakes. Evidently, this makes me "The Man"; however, I do not know nor do I care what that signifies. Kindly do not interrupt again, or I shall be tempted to divorce your head from your body, though I'm not sure it would make a difference in your ability to function. But since you've brought it up: you may pretend to "damn" me all you want, but "The Man" or not, it will not make a significant difference. It's ludicrous to think that, as I am a Grim Reaper, you could even entertain the concept of killing me, let alone damning. As I was saying before I was quite rudely interrupted by a porridge-brained, limp-tongued corpse, things here have been disastrous for some time. For example, the name. "CFUD" is just as likely to stand for "Camp for Felonious, Unintelligent Deviants" as for anything else. Perhaps instead of "deviants" we substitute "demons". It would explain everything, really. The disorderly conduct, the scores of unscheduled departures resulting in these hobbling imbeciles. They've overrun the grounds to the point where my job is essentially archaic. No, this will not do.
All of this leads me to our third order of business: what to do with all of you. Certainly you are unfit to continue existing. You have all been late to your appointments and I do not abide by tardiness; therefore, something must be done. There is one hindrance that will momentarily extend your pointless, rotting existences, however. I would prefer to finish up and take my leave, but there is paperwork to be done. If we cannot respect the rules and regulations that have been set forth for our own good, then we are no better than the creatures who have no laws at all, correct? In the meantime, we will wait patiently, you on your side and me on mine.
...No, this is not your side of the line. It is mine. You are encroaching on the boundary by exactly one foot. Perhaps you will learn to mind your manners if we make that half a foot.
Poll Vote!
Character: Leia Organa.
Series: Star Wars.
Age: 22.
Job: Diplomatic Adviser.
Canon: In a galaxy far, far away, the ultimate battle between Star Trek good and evil converges upon the battlefield of space. With the destruction of the Republic that peacefully united many planetary systems, an Empire puppeted by Darth Vader rose to total power through a dictatorship. Like any group of righteous misfits banding together to overthrow a corrupt form of government, the Rebel Alliance was formed to thwart evil and restore democratic happy fun times. It would take a farmboy, princess, smuggler, walking carpet, and two comic relief droids to lead the Rebels in turning the tide of the war over the course of three films.
Filling the role of that pushy princess with the not-quite British accent, Leia has worked consistently to support and partially lead the rebellion despite her young age. As a senator and representative of her (former) home world, she takes her position seriously - barking orders and rolling her eyes where need be. Literal to a fault and blunt without apology, Leia also uses her dry humor like a knight would use a sword. It may be difficult to derail her preference for peaceful negotiation, but she has no qualms bypassing the formalities when a blaster gun is in order. Despite the hardcore diplomatic shell, there is a soft center to her if you’re persistent enough to break open the tootsie pop.
Sample App:
You’re kidding, right? I’m sure the native décor might have been charming at one point, but you can hardly expect me to feel comfortable under these conditions. The bog and quicksand are less than ideal when hiring potential employees. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to know whose brilliant idea it was to build a facility in the middle of a swamp. Did anyone even bother to get a whiff of this place before the executive decision went through? I’m surprised the air is clean enough to sustain life in the first place, let alone for us to breathe.
Well. I suppose I hardly have a choice in the matter now that I’m settled. Let’s clear up the details, shall we? I was recently assigned to advise and ideally settle disputes among the residents here. Your complaints will be heard in a private meeting, which can be scheduled at any time. Let me assure you that I fully intend to conduct these sessions between us as fairly and smoothly as possible. If for some reason this system is abused, you risk losing your case to the shuffle of bureaucratic paperwork. Does that sound efficient? I didn’t think so. While I have you all here, one more thing-I’ve nothing against species of the undead, but if I’m going to be staying here for an extended period of time it wouldn’t kill you to bathe once in a while. That wasn’t a suggestion.
Now, I’m aware that many of the complaints filed seem to be torn, burned, thrown in that poor excuse for a lake and otherwise half eaten. ... Either this is some kind of test on my level of commitment, or I really have my work cut out for me. I’ll have you know that the challenge makes the job all the more enjoyable. Do try harder. I’ve seen training droids with better evasive skills than that.
-Excuse me! If you think you’re coming anywhere near my head with that tentacle, you’re sorely mistaken. I’ll have you know that I’m not wearing "donuts" they’re braids, which certainly aren’t on the menu today. Why don’t you make a suggestion for a new meal rather than trying to manhandle my hair? If you’re going to plead your case in the future, I suggest you learn to behave yourself and communicate the matter properly.
Get that slimy arm out of my way before I blast it off.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Aragorn
Series: The Lord of the Rings (film trilogy)
Character Age: 87 (but appears around 40)
Job: Camp Tracker
Canon: Once upon a time, the dark lord Sauron created a Ring, pouring his power and malice into it. Unfortunately for him, he was defeated and lost the Ring along the way. Thousands of years later, through a series of strange events, the Ring ends up in the possession of a hobbit named Frodo. With Sauron planning a war and doing everything possible to find the Ring again, Frodo embarks on a dangerous task: to take the Ring into the enemy’s land of Mordor and destroy it once and for all. As one does not simply walk into Mordor, a Fellowship is made to help Frodo on his journey.
One member of this group is Aragorn, a Ranger who is more than he first appears. While Aragorn comes across as grim and shady on first impressions, he is quick to aid Frodo on his quest and remains steadfastly loyal to those he calls friends. His skill and experience as a traveller in the wilds conceals his true identity, the heir to the kingdom of Gondor. His own doubts about his worthiness for this destiny belie his natural ability to lead, and Aragorn comes into his own as a fierce fighter who will do whatever it takes to see good prevail. Nonetheless, Aragorn remains practical about his role, knowing that his efforts are for the survival of all Middle-Earth, not just his own right to rule. Aragorn is above all steadfast and determined, willing to push himself to the limit to aid those who need it most.
Sample Entry:
Three days and three nights have I tracked my quarry across woods and plains unknown to me. Though the task I was given by the Lady of this land was one well within my skills, I begin to see why the capture of one soul person has vexed her so long. It is as though I hunt a living phantom, one who leaves marks that double back and forth, yet lead to no destination. Ever it seems that the very landscape itself seeks to thwart my efforts and aid their flight. But I will not give in to despair, not now, not even in these darkest of nights where even the moon has an ill-favoured look … and can give looks that are ill-favoured.
To halt the flight of a murderer: that is my goal. Such people are cunning, and always prepared to escape by whatever means they may come across. Their trail was fresh upon the ground nearest to the borders of the village here. There it was that I passed into the woods, though not without difficulty. The regions near the lake are guarded by a most diligent watcher, who suffers none to venture too close. Such vigilance is hard to turn aside, but I made clear my intention to pass - and which regions must never be trespassed in. I have seldom been in lands so frequently fraught with peril, and strange customs. The way into the woods was barred by gates, which their keeper claimed to be the Gates of GO. Passing the gates was an easier feat, though the gatekeeper was most insistent on giving me payment. For what reason I can not tell, but it would be unwise to make an enemy of such a generous man.
The trail lead into the woods, and there the signs became confused and hard to read. Every path I followed meandered into walls of vines and roots with minds of their own, and those minds were not clean. I begin to fear my hunt has been in vain, for there are no living things this deep in the wilderness… no living things, but many that still move. The dead keep these paths, clogging the way with their limbs, and masking any tell-tale sound with their tortured cries. Indeed I feel pity for them! For many do not realise their own fate, moaning only that they are not yet dead, and wish to walk onwards. But their ills are ones I can not heal, and I must press on. I see now that I have been lead thus far on a whim, on the chance that I would become bewitched by the strange magic of this land and give up. I will not. Even the hounded must stop to rest, and that will be their downfall.
I shall find the one the Lady seeks so desperately. I shall bring them back past the Gates of GO, collect their two hundred dollars, and bring them to her feet in judgement.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Kakei
Series: Legal Drug
Age: 25-30 something.
Job: Safe and Legal Camp-Approved Pharmacist (No liability for your loss of sanity)
Canon: You know the drill. Christmas Eve. Selfless boy picks up poor, dying waif from the street, takes him home and the nice landlady allows him to stay in exchange for helping out around the house. Only in this story, Rikuou is no selfless boy, just a jerk, Kazahaya is a spaz, and the landlady is Kakei, a pretty man managing a drugstore and sporting a conspicuous boyfriend named Saiga. In addition to letting Kazahaya and Rikuou earn their keep at the drugstore, Kakei sometimes offer them odd jobs outside the store. Of course, it's all good business.
The manager of "Green Drugstore", Kakei is a (perfectly) normal, although very pretty pharmacist; gentle-mannered and helpful towards his customers and never late to deliver a sweet smile. It goes without saying that he seems to be a good man, and he certainly cares for Kazahaya and Rikuou. So much that he only sends them on dangerous missions that he knows they'll succeed at, to a degree. (Although payment will be given only on 100% completion). He just doesn't always share all the details, because under his neat surface of polite manners Kakei is an unpredictable precognitive, harbouring a sadistic and eerily smiling personality. He employs it to either tease, blackmail or scare his employees and other people shitless, then sugar-coats his behaviour with a brilliant smile and a friendly pat on their shoulder. Ultimately, he does have their best interests in mind, but a slightly devious way of showing it.
Sample Post:
Camp Fuck You Die. It instantly pulls attention to itself, doesn't it? Though, I might have to say it's almost a little disappointing. You'd think a place with such a suggestive name would have a little more activity of the lascivious kind. But as far as I can see, the only "sins of the flesh" is the way it's barely hanging off the bones of the inhabitants. Being called in as a pharmacist in a summer camp is one thing, and I don't really mind it. The problem is, as much as I would like to be of help to these poor individuals, I wonder what kind of medication would actually have any sort of effect on persons already dead. Oh, what's this, a prescription? ..."v1@gr@"? Well, I'm sceptical of it helping you, really. I might not be a doctor, but I know my fair share in the medical field. I couldn't possibly have you count on something unreliable, but I suppose it can't hurt to try. Here. This should be it. Just be sure to tell me of any side effects. I'd like the products in my store to be as successful as possible, after all.
Now, regarding the payment. You don't seem to have any money, so I have a small suggestion for you. If you could find a special object for me that I will need very soon, I'll consider taking that as my fee. The item in question is a dark piece of rectangular cloth, with added straps on the sides. You'll recognize it when you see it, and it's quite an easy task to locate it, I assure you. ...oh, you will take the job? Splendid. I just think I need to tell you one thing: it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. It's a worthwhile warning, yes? Oh, now, I might just be exaggerating, so please don't let that get your hopes down! Just keep your sights on the goal, be careful and I'm sure you'll be all right. Off you go, and be careful now.
Are you next in line? Hm? Ah... no, I don't think there is much profit in zombie condoms, but normal ones should work just as well, I believe. There is a small selection, so I hope you'll find something to fit your special tastes. I haven't been ordering any new ones in a while now, because I don't think they'll be in high demand here. However, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable supplying material for a possible necrophilia. Oh, I didn't intend to be prejudiced, it's merely an unusual concept to me. I apologize for being so unprofessional and thinking out loud like that, of course.
Why... someone cutting in line? Yes, that's all right. If you'd let him go first, I'd be quite grateful. ...welcome back! My, you are very fast indeed, though it seems you've been quite reckless, haven't you? Mm, that is quite an injury, I must say. I did tell you to be careful, but I'm not entirely surprised by this. Don't worry, it's easily redeemed. If you could please give me the eye patch you brought back, I'll put it on for you. There, much better, don't you agree? ...Oh right, that's true. You need to pay for it too, of course. With what? Well, I can be nice and give you a discount and put it on your tab for now. You did complete the mission, after all.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Kusama Nowaki
Series: Junjou Romantica
Age: 25
Job: Sexy nurse
Canon: Junjou Romantica follows the romantic lives of three gay couples in modern day Japan. These six people are loosely connected to each other through work, old friendships, or having the same commute. The Egoist arc takes the reader on the magical ride that is the life of one (1) college literature professor and one (1) med school student. As odd as their romance may be, it's certainly more normal than the arc about the teddy bear loving award winning yaoi author and the undergraduate. Or the one about the little rich boy who's decided to seduce a man 17 years his senior.
Kusama Nowaki is studying to be a pediatrician and "catch up" professionally to his boyfriend of seven years, Kamijou Hiroki. Fortunately, Nowaki is smart, amiable, hard-working, and very enthusiastic. His name means "typhoon" since he was left on the step of an orphanage in a storm and it is said that he now blows like his namesake into the lives of the people around him, sweeping them off their feet with his earnestness and passion. Nowaki is selfless and consistently puts others first. His overwhelming desire for Hiroki was the first time he felt he absolutely had to have something and he pursued Hiroki with the same amount of energy he puts into everything else.
Sample Post:
Excuse me! I was wondering if you could help me find someone. He's about a head shorter than me and--Ah! I didn't mean that you should make yourself literally a head shorter! Please, sit down! It can't be healthy to be standing in your condition! ..."Healthy" might not be the right word to use here.
Of course, I've seen plenty of cadavers at school, but the ones here are definitely more animated. It must be true when they say that no amount of training will prepare you for the real thing. I heard this was a good place to get experience with unusual medical situations, but I didn't expect this. I don't actually know if I'm qualified to work here, although if it's not a challenge then there's no point in my being here. I'm willing to work hard to help the patients here recover. Ah, maybe I shouldn't say that either. Everyone I've seen so far looked to be terminal. Still, I hope I'll be able to help them somehow. ...I might have more confidence if I had a more professional title. I don't think "sexy" is the best prefix to my designation as nurse. I'll try to appreciate the sentiment. I wish the uniform covered more of my legs, though. It's a little cold.
A-ah! He's bleeding! I need a towel or something to staunch the flow- Oh, um, I guess my coat works too. I heard that in the old days, blood soaked clothing was the mark of a good doctor. I'll think of the staining like a fancy tie that really needs to be cleaned before it spreads infection to my next patient. I'm sure it's not his fault, but I wish he wouldn't take everything I say so literally. I'm not used to having people hang on to my words as tightly as he's hanging on to my arm. Like me, I think he tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, but I can't tell him that or he might actually try it. I'll admit that none of this is in my area of specialty, but my background in medicine should be broad enough to help me through this. Maybe because I'm a simple person it's important to me that I do well here, but since my goal is to become a doctor as quickly as possible, I feel like I have to put my all into my training. In these last few years I've worked myself to the bone. Not as literally as my patient has, though. I wonder when exactly it becomes too late to perform a skin graft? He really is just skin and bones, and some of them are poking through.
It might help if I put him on a high fat, high calorie diet. It's a good thing I'm back in America. That should make it a lot easier for him to stick to his regimen! The last time I studied in America it seemed like all the food my classmates ate fit that description. Although, from what I can tell the food here isn't as greasy as some of what was popular then. Maybe it's a regional thing. If that's the case, I might be able to find some things to send home that are unique to this area as well. So far I haven't seen anything around here that I could give as a present. I can get seafood easily enough back in Japan and while these tropical birds are pretty I can't think of anyone who would like one. I want to find something that is both memorable and useful... And not a body part. Sir, thank you very much, but while that really would make an impression you need that more than I do! Let me reattach your hand for you before that bird in the bush decides he's going to rewrite the proverb. I understand your health care system has recently been reformed, but this is already pushing the limits of any reasonable insurance!
Poll Vote!