(no subject)
Fourth round! Keep on voting, you guys. ♥ Juri's round is still open too, so please give that your attention as well.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed! That will do very, very nicely. ♥
Character: Cara Mason
Series: Legend of the Seeker
Character Age: 25
Counselor Job: Torture Instructor
Canon: I think we can all sympathize with Richard Cypher. It's not everyday you save a beautiful damsel and find out you're the Legendary Seeker, destined to bring peace to the Midlands from the tyrannical rule of Darken Rahl, ruler of the warmongering D'Hara. However, he gets a nifty magic sword, finds out said damsel is actually a badass knife fighter with special powers and a wizard who spends too much time pretending to be crazy (and naked). With his RPG-style team, Richard Cypher is ready to save the world! And more damsels.
Standing in his way, is Darken Rahl's army of BDSM female fighters, the Mord'Sith. Trained at a young age to control their emotions and to torture people to the point of complete submission, Cara was every inch the perfect Mord'Sith ... until she joined forces with Richard's ragtag group of heroes. Blunt, sarcastic, with a sense of morbid humour, Cara is a highly competent person, relying solely on her own strength. And she's not the least bit concerned with conveying her harsh opinion to the populace. Yet, after spending time with other people, Cara slowly develops a small understanding towards feelings like love, affection and consideration. However, don't ever tell that to her face or she'll beat you with her magical torture stick.
Sample Post:
Let's make this perfectly clear. I don't like you at all. ... No, that sounds too nice. Actually, it's not that I dislike you, it's simply that I can't be bothered to care about a bunch of incompetent, shambling, half-baked men who can't even carry a sword without falling on it. I mean, that is just a level of pathetic I didn't know the male sex could reach, but I'm thankful you were there to correct my impressions. I could have lived my entire life thinking that there was more to them that meets the eye. Now, I know simply meeting the eye is difficult enough when you're constantly grovelling from your lack of kneecaps. Nevertheless, I was ordered to make ...something out of you lot. I'm not a miracle worker but I'll do my best to make sure you can at least grovel on your knees instead of your stomach. Isn't that magnanimous of me? I knew you'd appreciate it. I expect a great deal of effort if you want to make it to the top like my prized student did. And I know you all are undying to be just like her, aren't you? That's it, time to prove your worth.
In this unique class of torture instruction, it should be wise to remember that technique is everything. It's not enough to stab someone several times. There's a certain beauty to simply hacking off a person's limbs and watching them bleed to death. Or, my personal favourite is to tie them from their feet and leave them hanging from a tree branch as the blood rushes to their face and then leave cuts so they die slowly in agony. But you're not allowed to copy my answer. Don't be afraid to be a little creative. In fact, I wholly encourage it. After all, it seems to be the only quality you have that hasn't seeped into the ground. Unless your brains leak, in which case, just don't tell me and keep pretending. You'll survive longer that way. Or at least, you'll survive long enough not to ruin my good name. Don't be so disappointed by my low opinion of you. It's not my fault you can't be one quarter decent like my best student. But then again, she was one of a kind... spectacular backrub technique as well... she simply had a way of being attuned to one's body. While you lot barely survive being attuned to a ligament. I suppose I should just resign myself to the fact that some people are born geniuses and others are just... born.
Now, onto the next step. It's one thing to physically torture your enemies, but if you're smart, you won't even have to lift a finger. The power of suggestion after all, is more terrifying than the blade itself. So don't always resort to the stabbing and the poking. Put a little fear in them just by using your voice. You'll be surprised at the results it yields. Why, one time, I threatened a slave by telling her detailed accounts about how I'd pull out her fingernails, chop off her fingers and then feed them to my dog. He tends to have a hankering for human flesh. After that lurid tale, she was the model of obedience. In fact, my favourite student was most adept at teaching the inhabitants how to be wary of her reach, like a true Mord'Sith should.
And you all want to be just like Marcy, don't you?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Kahlan Amnell
Series: Legend of the Seeker (TV)
Age: around 24
Job: Confessional Booth
Canon: Legend says that the True Seeker, alongside a wizard of the First Order and a Confessor, is destined to defeat the tyrant Darken Rahl and bring peace to the Midlands once and for all. Richard Cypher turned out to be said Seeker, and his life changed accordingly, since the moment he saved what he thought to be a damsel in distress from being killed. However, things are never what they appear to be.
Kahlan Amnell, the apparent damsel in distress, is actually a Confessor: a person able to detect when someone is lying, and also capable of bending a person to her will with only a touch, destroying their sense of self forever. Respected as the highest authority of truth in the Midlands, Kahlan devoted herself to Richard in his quest to save the world. Kind, loyal and compassionate, she has a tendency to speak up in favor of others. She's also a strong-willed and intelligent knife-fighter who wants nothing more than to see a world free from pain and suffering. Despite her soft and calm demeanor, she is very competent during battle.
Sample Post:
Excuse me, you're the squid creature called Marcy, aren't you? I'm grateful to the Creator for being able to find you at last.
My name is Kahlan Amnell, the Mother Confessor, and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sure this must be highly unexpected, especially since I've arrived here on such short notice, but this is a matter of great importance. Two weeks ago, I received word from the Director herself, Miss Elizabeth Sayre. She informed me that someone very dear to her was facing severe hardships, which were preventing them from performing their job as admirably as they always have during the past five years. Because of this, she requested me to come here and offer you my assistance as soon as possible. It's difficult for me to help those I can't read since it's not possible for me to say if they're telling the truth, but I'll make an exception this time. After all, she only wants what's best for you and the people of these lands.
According to what I was told, your job has always consisted of maintaining order around these fields with a . . . "seductive touch," unless I'm mistaken. However, you've been confined against your will for several months now, in such an unfair way. You've been limited to only watching the people and other creatures from above since then, unable to make as much contact as you were able to before. You don't need to tell me, I'm sure you miss the lake you used to live in and the freedom that came along with it. Anyone would, it's a natural right we should all be entitled to. A right that no one has the power to take away from you.
Believe me, I understand how lonely it feels to be left alone in this world. However, you must be aware that as horrible as this act of cruelty is, I've come here only to pass judgment on those who are responsible for your confinement. I can't comply with the rest of the Director's wishes, that's not part of my job as a Confessor and it goes against everything I believe in. In exchange, it's my intention to make you understand that what you want is not the correct way to find happiness. Look inside your heart, you know it isn't right for the same reason that keeping you prisoner is wrong. There's always another path, as desperate as you feel right now.
So I'm sorry, but I can't confess those you fancy only so I can order them to go to your . . . tentacles.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Cinderella / Cindy
Series: Fables / Cinderella: From Fabletown With Love
Age: A lot older than she looks, but appears to be 25 - 29-ish.
Job: Fairy Godmother Shoe Sales Representative and Camp Fashionista
Canon: Imagine a world where fairy tale characters and mythical beings live right down the street in New York city. Fabletown is where the exiled denizens of the Homelands make their secret home in the mundane world after fleeing the armies of the Adversary. But it's not easy to keep the peace and defend against the encroachment of the enemy. Rooting out the Adversary's agents, rescuing little wooden boys and preventing magical items from leaking out into the normal world can get messy. Fortunately, Cinderella knows a thing or two about cleaning up.
Cindy is the owner of The Glass Slipper Shoe Store in Fabletown. What her fellow Fables see is a girl who spends most of her time jetting around the world, squandering most of her money on Prada and Gucci while dissing her ex-husband on the side. She was once married to Prince Charming--who had a not-so-charming habit of straying--and is currently leading a double life as Fabletown's ditzy purveyor of shoes and its top covert operative whenever she's out of town. She reports to the sheriff of Fabletown--formerly Bigby Wolf and now Beast (as in "Beauty and the"). Cindy loves her job and is very good at it. Armed with several lifetimes worth of martial arts training and proficient with modern weapons, Cindy is a ruthless agent who will use lethal force get the job done. She likes manicures, does not believe in happy endings arranged through magic and loathes fairy godmothers in general.
Sample Entry:
A funny thing happened on my way back from Moscow Fashion Week. I was waylaid--I mean asked out to lunch by some representatives of the director. Madam Director offered me a position as Camp Fairy Godmother, but I put my foot down because one girl can't run everyone's lives for them. We need to have a little chat about that one day, Madam Director. And that trans-Atlantic flight . . . Honestly, economy class? Ew.
I might not look like one, but I'm a business woman and my assistant's been bugging me for the last few decades about "branching out". Being a considerate boss, I'm thinking about opening a new branch of The Glass Slipper right here! I've got to make hay while the sun shines--not that anyone would perish for the lack of hay around here. Line up, ladies! Free fashion tips for the first ten customers!
Mm, yes, I know how difficult it is to find shoes when your feet are gangrened. The colours are almost impossible to match. But you should try to be daring! Green with red and yellow streaks might be in this season--you could be the newest trendsetter! I just saw this lady gorilla in purple fur on the way in--it was wild, but she was really working it. Purple against corn husk yellow is a very striking combination!
Um, excuse me, I was talking to the customer here--hey, hands off! I don't take that from anyone! Even if you do want me for my brains! Does anyone buy that line anymore? And now you've got . . . yourself all over my Christian Louboutin Limited Edition stilettos. A girl can only take so much! Please allow me to show to you to our pink and gilt-painted but extremely solid front door.
I'm so sorry to keep you waiting! Did you know that guy? So he's always like that, huh? I know what you mean. Boys like that will only break your heart in the end. He won't be bothering anyone anytime soon, I promise. Don't cry! Your mascara'll go runny. Runnier than usual. Here, have a good blow. There we go--better out than in. You can keep it, sweetie. What's a Hermčs scarf between girlfriends anyway? You know what? We should do a girls' night out someday. Just you and me--no boys. Well, no boys unless we want them to join in. It might not a good idea to invite along your ex. There are plenty of other fish in the sea--or cornfield in your case.
Me? I was married once. But the magic faded after a while. The dress and carriage weren't the only things that disappeared after midnight . . . Anyhow, shoes! To make up for that little interruption, I'm inviting you and your special guests for a special preview sale! Bring lots of friends! Preferably the ones who still have their feet!
Poll Vote!
Character name: Rick Grimes
Series: The Walking Dead (TV series)
Age: Mid to late thirties.
Job: Sherriff’s Deputy and Zombie Defence Specialist
Canon: What would you do if you suddenly found yourself in the middle of a zombie apocalypse? That’s the question facing Sherriff’s Deputy Rick Grimes when he wakes up from a coma to find the world repopulated by dead people. After going through a normal person reaction, namely smacking himself in the face and begging to wake up, Rick eventually realises that the zombie apocalypse has come. Sometimes all it takes for that horrible truth to sink in is a whack in the head with a shovel.
Adapting to a new world where the number one rule is Don’t Get Bit, Rick is initially uncomfortable with the idea of killing the walking dead. He soon gets over this, realising that the only thing he can do to help the infected is put them out of their misery as soon as possible. Comfortable in a position of authority, Rick is quick to take charge of a situation and will not give up if he can see even the smallest possible way out. Although most of the rules he lived by have well and truly gone out the window, he will do just about anything in his power to protect those he loves, and even those he’s barely met. He will not leave a man behind if he can help it, and he will not leave a debt unpaid. In Rick’s words, all he is now is a man looking out for his wife and son, and you don’t want to get in his way. The man can seriously swing an axe.
Note: The only way to become a Walker (or “geek”) is to be bitten by one, and the only way to kill one is to take out its brain - not just chop off its head, mind you, but seriously stabbinate the brain. Loud noises - like gun shots - will draw their attention.
Sample Entry:
Alright folks, gather round here. Seems you’ve got a bit of a problem with your dead in this here camp. Not surprising, really, given the state of the world just now. The real problem is that most of you don’t seem to be doing a whole lot to about it, and that’s why I’m here. Not my first choice, mind you, but your Director was very insistent about the fact that I won’t be getting out until you all learn some basic self-defence against these Walkers. And damnit, if that’s what I have to do to get back to my wife and son then so help me, you’ll learn, and you’ll learn fast.
Now I know what you’re thinkin’. Why should we listen to this guy, when he just turns up out of the blue with nothing more than a pistol in one hand and a dead man’s head in the other? Well, I’ll tell you why. First, because I’m a cop; second, because if we don’t band together, we won’t survive; and third, because right now, just beyond that there cornfield, is a whole swarm of them Walkers just waiting to come to the banquet.
Let’s get started with a talk about this here pistol. From what I’m told, every one of you gets a shotgun as soon as you get here. That’s good; it’s important that you all have a means to defend yourselves against the Walkers. But look, you’ve got to know how to use them. No point just having a weapon when you don’t know how to take the safety off. And I won’t be showing anyone how to do that until I know for sure you’re all going to act responsible. There’re enough dangers around here without adding irresponsible gun wielding dumbasses to the mix. I don’t want to see any one of you taking out your gun unless there’s a Walker in sight and running ain’t an option.
Remember - your shotgun should always be your last resort. Right now, we’ve only got a few geeks wandering about - last thing we want is to draw attention to ourselves from those fellas on the other side of the stalks. You lot go around shooting at every one you see and that’s exactly what’ll happen. Before you know it the place’ll be swarming with the dead and trust me - you don’t want to be around when they start to get hungry. And they’re always hungry. So today, we’re only going to be using axes, and we’re going to be practising on this here dead man’s head. Pay your respects to Mr... Sir de Mimsy Porpington, apparently, and remember, he used to be just like us. Now, I haven’t wounded the brain yet so as to give you a bit more realism, so don’t panic if the eyes and mouth move about a bit and remember, there’s no point shooting when there’s no chance they’ll bite--
-- well, damn. Looks like I’m gonna need to find some new targets. I’m gonna be here for a while.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Son Chi-Chi
Series: Dragonball Z
Age: 39
Job: Home Economics Instructor
Canon: Dragonball starts with, as the name suggests, a quest to find the dragonballs. (Not as risque as it sounds, sorry.) Son Goku meets Bulma Briefs (also not as risque as it sounds, sorry.), and the two journey off to find these magical artifacts so Bulma can wish for a boyfriend or something. On the way, they acquire a talking pig and a desert bandit. Also on the way, the plot changes from traveling hi-jinks to serious fucking business, and the whole franchise just kind of snowballs from there. By the end of Dragonball Z, at least four races somewhere have been decimated, but it's cool, because the the dragonballs and Goku are ever the reliable plot devices!
Chi-Chi is Son Goku's wife. They met as children when Goku helped her get her house demolished, which is a definite architectural improvement considering that it was previously A RAGING INFERNO. For his efforts, Goku was given a dragonball and Chi-Chi's hand in marriage. Thinking the latter was some kind of food, he accepted. When he didn't come back to claim her, she basically stalked his ass to ~The World Martial Arts Tournament~ and made him keep his promise. Together, they have two sons and, although she's pretty much continually frustrated, she cares about her family very deeply. Her ways of showing this often end up more harsh than necessarily effective, and her temper makes her a feared woman in the eyes of the universe's mightiest warriors, but she means well. She hasn't utterly given up yet, which really goes to show you that she's in it to win it.
Sample Entry:
This is ridiculous! I only came here looking for somebody, and now I can't leave!
I mean... Maybe they've been sort of congenial about it, at least, but this is just weird! I'll have you know I've managed to stay well out of all of the weird business that goes on in the world, so this is... This can't be real, right?! Even the things I know about aren't like this... Aliens and monsters, androids, dragons and wi-- Hm.
You know. Maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead. At least I know I can't sound crazy, here.
I got a job and a gun out of it, so I'll try not to complain. Might as well be grateful for what I got.
I'll be teaching the campers Home Economics. A dreary place like this is in dire need of some homey touches, too! Just 'cause a place is riddled with, ugh, living corpses doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a little tender love 'n' care.
A farm ought to be a place to build good character... I don't see why we still can't make that a goal! Basic skills are what insure that you can take care of yourselves, after all! They also help you to improve your environment, which benefits everybody around you. See? It's a win-win!
I'm sure we can, you know, spruce up those creepy-looking scarecrows, figure out a few stitches that'll work for re-attaching those folks' limbs... And I'm sure they won't mind toning down the ominous after a little help!
Though... Who am I kidding? You might not be able to fix something this messed up. Whoever came up with this deserves one hell of a wallop... But I did already accept the job, so I don't really have a choice but to give it my all! Anybody I have to teach better be willing to do the same! I learned the hard way, believe me, and I learned well. I don't see a need to go soft on anybody, so don't think it'll be easy. You'll be surprised.
Sewing, organization, food preparation... Lots of other stuff, too! It's pretty involved. If we can't aim for cozy, we'll just have to start smaller! The least we could do is pick up some reliable skills! Provided that you don't all wimp out, anyway!
Really. Who'd subject a bunch of kids to this kind of thing? You just gotta wonder...
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed! That will do very, very nicely. ♥
Character: Cara Mason
Series: Legend of the Seeker
Character Age: 25
Counselor Job: Torture Instructor
Canon: I think we can all sympathize with Richard Cypher. It's not everyday you save a beautiful damsel and find out you're the Legendary Seeker, destined to bring peace to the Midlands from the tyrannical rule of Darken Rahl, ruler of the warmongering D'Hara. However, he gets a nifty magic sword, finds out said damsel is actually a badass knife fighter with special powers and a wizard who spends too much time pretending to be crazy (and naked). With his RPG-style team, Richard Cypher is ready to save the world! And more damsels.
Standing in his way, is Darken Rahl's army of BDSM female fighters, the Mord'Sith. Trained at a young age to control their emotions and to torture people to the point of complete submission, Cara was every inch the perfect Mord'Sith ... until she joined forces with Richard's ragtag group of heroes. Blunt, sarcastic, with a sense of morbid humour, Cara is a highly competent person, relying solely on her own strength. And she's not the least bit concerned with conveying her harsh opinion to the populace. Yet, after spending time with other people, Cara slowly develops a small understanding towards feelings like love, affection and consideration. However, don't ever tell that to her face or she'll beat you with her magical torture stick.
Sample Post:
Let's make this perfectly clear. I don't like you at all. ... No, that sounds too nice. Actually, it's not that I dislike you, it's simply that I can't be bothered to care about a bunch of incompetent, shambling, half-baked men who can't even carry a sword without falling on it. I mean, that is just a level of pathetic I didn't know the male sex could reach, but I'm thankful you were there to correct my impressions. I could have lived my entire life thinking that there was more to them that meets the eye. Now, I know simply meeting the eye is difficult enough when you're constantly grovelling from your lack of kneecaps. Nevertheless, I was ordered to make ...something out of you lot. I'm not a miracle worker but I'll do my best to make sure you can at least grovel on your knees instead of your stomach. Isn't that magnanimous of me? I knew you'd appreciate it. I expect a great deal of effort if you want to make it to the top like my prized student did. And I know you all are undying to be just like her, aren't you? That's it, time to prove your worth.
In this unique class of torture instruction, it should be wise to remember that technique is everything. It's not enough to stab someone several times. There's a certain beauty to simply hacking off a person's limbs and watching them bleed to death. Or, my personal favourite is to tie them from their feet and leave them hanging from a tree branch as the blood rushes to their face and then leave cuts so they die slowly in agony. But you're not allowed to copy my answer. Don't be afraid to be a little creative. In fact, I wholly encourage it. After all, it seems to be the only quality you have that hasn't seeped into the ground. Unless your brains leak, in which case, just don't tell me and keep pretending. You'll survive longer that way. Or at least, you'll survive long enough not to ruin my good name. Don't be so disappointed by my low opinion of you. It's not my fault you can't be one quarter decent like my best student. But then again, she was one of a kind... spectacular backrub technique as well... she simply had a way of being attuned to one's body. While you lot barely survive being attuned to a ligament. I suppose I should just resign myself to the fact that some people are born geniuses and others are just... born.
Now, onto the next step. It's one thing to physically torture your enemies, but if you're smart, you won't even have to lift a finger. The power of suggestion after all, is more terrifying than the blade itself. So don't always resort to the stabbing and the poking. Put a little fear in them just by using your voice. You'll be surprised at the results it yields. Why, one time, I threatened a slave by telling her detailed accounts about how I'd pull out her fingernails, chop off her fingers and then feed them to my dog. He tends to have a hankering for human flesh. After that lurid tale, she was the model of obedience. In fact, my favourite student was most adept at teaching the inhabitants how to be wary of her reach, like a true Mord'Sith should.
And you all want to be just like Marcy, don't you?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Kahlan Amnell
Series: Legend of the Seeker (TV)
Age: around 24
Job: Confessional Booth
Canon: Legend says that the True Seeker, alongside a wizard of the First Order and a Confessor, is destined to defeat the tyrant Darken Rahl and bring peace to the Midlands once and for all. Richard Cypher turned out to be said Seeker, and his life changed accordingly, since the moment he saved what he thought to be a damsel in distress from being killed. However, things are never what they appear to be.
Kahlan Amnell, the apparent damsel in distress, is actually a Confessor: a person able to detect when someone is lying, and also capable of bending a person to her will with only a touch, destroying their sense of self forever. Respected as the highest authority of truth in the Midlands, Kahlan devoted herself to Richard in his quest to save the world. Kind, loyal and compassionate, she has a tendency to speak up in favor of others. She's also a strong-willed and intelligent knife-fighter who wants nothing more than to see a world free from pain and suffering. Despite her soft and calm demeanor, she is very competent during battle.
Sample Post:
Excuse me, you're the squid creature called Marcy, aren't you? I'm grateful to the Creator for being able to find you at last.
My name is Kahlan Amnell, the Mother Confessor, and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sure this must be highly unexpected, especially since I've arrived here on such short notice, but this is a matter of great importance. Two weeks ago, I received word from the Director herself, Miss Elizabeth Sayre. She informed me that someone very dear to her was facing severe hardships, which were preventing them from performing their job as admirably as they always have during the past five years. Because of this, she requested me to come here and offer you my assistance as soon as possible. It's difficult for me to help those I can't read since it's not possible for me to say if they're telling the truth, but I'll make an exception this time. After all, she only wants what's best for you and the people of these lands.
According to what I was told, your job has always consisted of maintaining order around these fields with a . . . "seductive touch," unless I'm mistaken. However, you've been confined against your will for several months now, in such an unfair way. You've been limited to only watching the people and other creatures from above since then, unable to make as much contact as you were able to before. You don't need to tell me, I'm sure you miss the lake you used to live in and the freedom that came along with it. Anyone would, it's a natural right we should all be entitled to. A right that no one has the power to take away from you.
Believe me, I understand how lonely it feels to be left alone in this world. However, you must be aware that as horrible as this act of cruelty is, I've come here only to pass judgment on those who are responsible for your confinement. I can't comply with the rest of the Director's wishes, that's not part of my job as a Confessor and it goes against everything I believe in. In exchange, it's my intention to make you understand that what you want is not the correct way to find happiness. Look inside your heart, you know it isn't right for the same reason that keeping you prisoner is wrong. There's always another path, as desperate as you feel right now.
So I'm sorry, but I can't confess those you fancy only so I can order them to go to your . . . tentacles.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Cinderella / Cindy
Series: Fables / Cinderella: From Fabletown With Love
Age: A lot older than she looks, but appears to be 25 - 29-ish.
Job: Fairy Godmother Shoe Sales Representative and Camp Fashionista
Canon: Imagine a world where fairy tale characters and mythical beings live right down the street in New York city. Fabletown is where the exiled denizens of the Homelands make their secret home in the mundane world after fleeing the armies of the Adversary. But it's not easy to keep the peace and defend against the encroachment of the enemy. Rooting out the Adversary's agents, rescuing little wooden boys and preventing magical items from leaking out into the normal world can get messy. Fortunately, Cinderella knows a thing or two about cleaning up.
Cindy is the owner of The Glass Slipper Shoe Store in Fabletown. What her fellow Fables see is a girl who spends most of her time jetting around the world, squandering most of her money on Prada and Gucci while dissing her ex-husband on the side. She was once married to Prince Charming--who had a not-so-charming habit of straying--and is currently leading a double life as Fabletown's ditzy purveyor of shoes and its top covert operative whenever she's out of town. She reports to the sheriff of Fabletown--formerly Bigby Wolf and now Beast (as in "Beauty and the"). Cindy loves her job and is very good at it. Armed with several lifetimes worth of martial arts training and proficient with modern weapons, Cindy is a ruthless agent who will use lethal force get the job done. She likes manicures, does not believe in happy endings arranged through magic and loathes fairy godmothers in general.
Sample Entry:
A funny thing happened on my way back from Moscow Fashion Week. I was waylaid--I mean asked out to lunch by some representatives of the director. Madam Director offered me a position as Camp Fairy Godmother, but I put my foot down because one girl can't run everyone's lives for them. We need to have a little chat about that one day, Madam Director. And that trans-Atlantic flight . . . Honestly, economy class? Ew.
I might not look like one, but I'm a business woman and my assistant's been bugging me for the last few decades about "branching out". Being a considerate boss, I'm thinking about opening a new branch of The Glass Slipper right here! I've got to make hay while the sun shines--not that anyone would perish for the lack of hay around here. Line up, ladies! Free fashion tips for the first ten customers!
Mm, yes, I know how difficult it is to find shoes when your feet are gangrened. The colours are almost impossible to match. But you should try to be daring! Green with red and yellow streaks might be in this season--you could be the newest trendsetter! I just saw this lady gorilla in purple fur on the way in--it was wild, but she was really working it. Purple against corn husk yellow is a very striking combination!
Um, excuse me, I was talking to the customer here--hey, hands off! I don't take that from anyone! Even if you do want me for my brains! Does anyone buy that line anymore? And now you've got . . . yourself all over my Christian Louboutin Limited Edition stilettos. A girl can only take so much! Please allow me to show to you to our pink and gilt-painted but extremely solid front door.
I'm so sorry to keep you waiting! Did you know that guy? So he's always like that, huh? I know what you mean. Boys like that will only break your heart in the end. He won't be bothering anyone anytime soon, I promise. Don't cry! Your mascara'll go runny. Runnier than usual. Here, have a good blow. There we go--better out than in. You can keep it, sweetie. What's a Hermčs scarf between girlfriends anyway? You know what? We should do a girls' night out someday. Just you and me--no boys. Well, no boys unless we want them to join in. It might not a good idea to invite along your ex. There are plenty of other fish in the sea--or cornfield in your case.
Me? I was married once. But the magic faded after a while. The dress and carriage weren't the only things that disappeared after midnight . . . Anyhow, shoes! To make up for that little interruption, I'm inviting you and your special guests for a special preview sale! Bring lots of friends! Preferably the ones who still have their feet!
Poll Vote!
Character name: Rick Grimes
Series: The Walking Dead (TV series)
Age: Mid to late thirties.
Job: Sherriff’s Deputy and Zombie Defence Specialist
Canon: What would you do if you suddenly found yourself in the middle of a zombie apocalypse? That’s the question facing Sherriff’s Deputy Rick Grimes when he wakes up from a coma to find the world repopulated by dead people. After going through a normal person reaction, namely smacking himself in the face and begging to wake up, Rick eventually realises that the zombie apocalypse has come. Sometimes all it takes for that horrible truth to sink in is a whack in the head with a shovel.
Adapting to a new world where the number one rule is Don’t Get Bit, Rick is initially uncomfortable with the idea of killing the walking dead. He soon gets over this, realising that the only thing he can do to help the infected is put them out of their misery as soon as possible. Comfortable in a position of authority, Rick is quick to take charge of a situation and will not give up if he can see even the smallest possible way out. Although most of the rules he lived by have well and truly gone out the window, he will do just about anything in his power to protect those he loves, and even those he’s barely met. He will not leave a man behind if he can help it, and he will not leave a debt unpaid. In Rick’s words, all he is now is a man looking out for his wife and son, and you don’t want to get in his way. The man can seriously swing an axe.
Note: The only way to become a Walker (or “geek”) is to be bitten by one, and the only way to kill one is to take out its brain - not just chop off its head, mind you, but seriously stabbinate the brain. Loud noises - like gun shots - will draw their attention.
Sample Entry:
Alright folks, gather round here. Seems you’ve got a bit of a problem with your dead in this here camp. Not surprising, really, given the state of the world just now. The real problem is that most of you don’t seem to be doing a whole lot to about it, and that’s why I’m here. Not my first choice, mind you, but your Director was very insistent about the fact that I won’t be getting out until you all learn some basic self-defence against these Walkers. And damnit, if that’s what I have to do to get back to my wife and son then so help me, you’ll learn, and you’ll learn fast.
Now I know what you’re thinkin’. Why should we listen to this guy, when he just turns up out of the blue with nothing more than a pistol in one hand and a dead man’s head in the other? Well, I’ll tell you why. First, because I’m a cop; second, because if we don’t band together, we won’t survive; and third, because right now, just beyond that there cornfield, is a whole swarm of them Walkers just waiting to come to the banquet.
Let’s get started with a talk about this here pistol. From what I’m told, every one of you gets a shotgun as soon as you get here. That’s good; it’s important that you all have a means to defend yourselves against the Walkers. But look, you’ve got to know how to use them. No point just having a weapon when you don’t know how to take the safety off. And I won’t be showing anyone how to do that until I know for sure you’re all going to act responsible. There’re enough dangers around here without adding irresponsible gun wielding dumbasses to the mix. I don’t want to see any one of you taking out your gun unless there’s a Walker in sight and running ain’t an option.
Remember - your shotgun should always be your last resort. Right now, we’ve only got a few geeks wandering about - last thing we want is to draw attention to ourselves from those fellas on the other side of the stalks. You lot go around shooting at every one you see and that’s exactly what’ll happen. Before you know it the place’ll be swarming with the dead and trust me - you don’t want to be around when they start to get hungry. And they’re always hungry. So today, we’re only going to be using axes, and we’re going to be practising on this here dead man’s head. Pay your respects to Mr... Sir de Mimsy Porpington, apparently, and remember, he used to be just like us. Now, I haven’t wounded the brain yet so as to give you a bit more realism, so don’t panic if the eyes and mouth move about a bit and remember, there’s no point shooting when there’s no chance they’ll bite--
-- well, damn. Looks like I’m gonna need to find some new targets. I’m gonna be here for a while.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Son Chi-Chi
Series: Dragonball Z
Age: 39
Job: Home Economics Instructor
Canon: Dragonball starts with, as the name suggests, a quest to find the dragonballs. (Not as risque as it sounds, sorry.) Son Goku meets Bulma Briefs (also not as risque as it sounds, sorry.), and the two journey off to find these magical artifacts so Bulma can wish for a boyfriend or something. On the way, they acquire a talking pig and a desert bandit. Also on the way, the plot changes from traveling hi-jinks to serious fucking business, and the whole franchise just kind of snowballs from there. By the end of Dragonball Z, at least four races somewhere have been decimated, but it's cool, because the the dragonballs and Goku are ever the reliable plot devices!
Chi-Chi is Son Goku's wife. They met as children when Goku helped her get her house demolished, which is a definite architectural improvement considering that it was previously A RAGING INFERNO. For his efforts, Goku was given a dragonball and Chi-Chi's hand in marriage. Thinking the latter was some kind of food, he accepted. When he didn't come back to claim her, she basically stalked his ass to ~The World Martial Arts Tournament~ and made him keep his promise. Together, they have two sons and, although she's pretty much continually frustrated, she cares about her family very deeply. Her ways of showing this often end up more harsh than necessarily effective, and her temper makes her a feared woman in the eyes of the universe's mightiest warriors, but she means well. She hasn't utterly given up yet, which really goes to show you that she's in it to win it.
Sample Entry:
This is ridiculous! I only came here looking for somebody, and now I can't leave!
I mean... Maybe they've been sort of congenial about it, at least, but this is just weird! I'll have you know I've managed to stay well out of all of the weird business that goes on in the world, so this is... This can't be real, right?! Even the things I know about aren't like this... Aliens and monsters, androids, dragons and wi-- Hm.
You know. Maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead. At least I know I can't sound crazy, here.
I got a job and a gun out of it, so I'll try not to complain. Might as well be grateful for what I got.
I'll be teaching the campers Home Economics. A dreary place like this is in dire need of some homey touches, too! Just 'cause a place is riddled with, ugh, living corpses doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a little tender love 'n' care.
A farm ought to be a place to build good character... I don't see why we still can't make that a goal! Basic skills are what insure that you can take care of yourselves, after all! They also help you to improve your environment, which benefits everybody around you. See? It's a win-win!
I'm sure we can, you know, spruce up those creepy-looking scarecrows, figure out a few stitches that'll work for re-attaching those folks' limbs... And I'm sure they won't mind toning down the ominous after a little help!
Though... Who am I kidding? You might not be able to fix something this messed up. Whoever came up with this deserves one hell of a wallop... But I did already accept the job, so I don't really have a choice but to give it my all! Anybody I have to teach better be willing to do the same! I learned the hard way, believe me, and I learned well. I don't see a need to go soft on anybody, so don't think it'll be easy. You'll be surprised.
Sewing, organization, food preparation... Lots of other stuff, too! It's pretty involved. If we can't aim for cozy, we'll just have to start smaller! The least we could do is pick up some reliable skills! Provided that you don't all wimp out, anyway!
Really. Who'd subject a bunch of kids to this kind of thing? You just gotta wonder...
Poll Vote!