(no subject)
First round!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Tomoe
Series: Kamisama Hajimemashita
Character Age: Older than 500, but can pass for a high school student.
Canon: Momozono Nanami is just your average Japanese high school student who tries her best to scrape through life before her deadbeat dad with a gambling problem skips town, leaving her broke and homeless. Luckily for her, the stranger she helps out in the park says he has a house out in the boonies that he doesn’t need anymore, so she can have it if she wants. While this is normally the point where the story ends with “and no one ever saw her again,” Nanami does find a house when she follows the directions . . . it’s just that it’s the shrine of the land god (in other words, her). So begins Nanami’s adventures in surprise godhood, and dealing with the politics, responsibilities and dangers of her new position. Fortunately, the shrine also comes with a familiar to guide, serve and protect her.
Tomoe is a fox spirit who was previously known in supernatural circles as the “number one familiar in Japan.” He puts his skills to use eventually, once the yelling is over and he settles into his new role as Nanami’s long-suffering housewife, bodyguard, eye candy, and all-around bitch. Tomoe’s devotion to his duties is shown in the way he behaves-he may scold Nanami for being recklessly naive, but it’s obvious her well-being is his top priority. As for other people, he’ll be diplomatic and charming if he believes it’s good for her and the shrine, but otherwise he tends to be blunt and somewhat callous. And if he thinks they’re a danger, he’s all too willing to turn them into animals before laughing maniacally as he threatens to fry them as part of a perfectly balanced meal for his master.
Sample Post:
Oh my, Marcy-san, you must pass my thanks to Sayre-sama for so graciously inviting me here to survey her large tracts of farmland. They’re very impressive for such a new shrine. Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself. As your master has recognized my many talents, it would be my pleasure to give a fellow familiar some friendly advice on the care and feeding of a god. And of course, the fact that we both have human masters is even more of a reason to stick together-hahaha, but not that close! Your tentacles are quite lovely, but please understand, there’s only one girl for me. I simply cannot betray her by getting so . . . familiar with another familiar.
However, I must admit that I was expecting a slightly different situation. It’s usually the god who remains in a single area of the shrine instead of the familiar, you know. But it was clear from the moment I arrived that this land god does things her own way. Her method of gaining power is ingenious, really. One would think that as a god who is sustained by belief, she would be powerless and cease to exist-but instead, the despair and frustration of her captives merely strengthens her. Such devoted hatred is, after all, still a form of faith. Your role is to reinforce those negative feelings, naturally. And the more they rail against her barrier, the more powerful it becomes, keeping them trapped here to ensure a steady supply of unwitting worshippers.
In any case, the two of you obviously have everything figured out. There is nothing left for me to say about your charmingly rustic shrine, so the time has come for me to bid you farewell. I would hate to impose on you any longer, and I really should be heading back to prepare dinner for my master . . . oh, you’ve already brought her here to dine with us? My, your master certainly doesn’t lack courage. And neither do you, squid, if you think you can stop me. She has dared to touch my master, so she must be ready to deal with the consequences. I’ll turn every stalk of corn to cinders, every cow to scrap metal-I’ll burn everything here to the ground! Even your master’s precious barrier, and then we’ll see how brave she is.
But first . . . I think I’ll try out this new recipe for deep fried squid tentacles.
Poll Vote!
Character: Ada Vessalius
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: 18
Canon: You know it’s going to be a bad 15th birthday when, for the sin of existing, you’re thrown into the magical prison called the “Abyss”. Oz Vessalius, the unfortunate birthday boy, eventually escapes from the Abyss with help from one of its residents. Even after escaping, this isn’t the end of the trouble Oz faces; it’s ten years in the future and some of Oz’s friends and family have aged without him. One of those people who has grown up while Oz was missing is his . . . older younger sister, Ada Vessalius.
Ada is a very kind person, who often puts the concerns of others before her own and always looks for the best in people. She is polite and sometimes hesitant in her speech, except when her excitement overwhelms her. While often referred to as innocent or pure, Ada is much sturdier than she initially appears. After her beloved brother’s disappearance, Ada tried to help him by researching the Abyss. This research led her to become interested in and excited about torture, the occult, and sorcery. Ada is currently dating Vincent Nightray, a member of an opposing Duke’s house. Despite her somewhat questionable taste in boyfriends and hobbies, Ada remains a gentle person at heart.
Sample Post:
Ah, at first I wasn’t sure what to make of you, Mr. Gorilla. You wouldn’t stop pursuing me, even though I’d made it clear that I was seeing someone! T-that’s not how you impress a lady at all! But then, the story you told me about your last girlfriend, that you were star-crossed lovers, kept apart by your families and your positions within two rival street gangs, was very tragic. It reminded me of my own situation at home but . . . um, with much less dancing? I can see how it would be difficult to face her now that she’s a zombie, after she took poison and died for your love. When I heard about that, I couldn’t abandon you! My heart belongs to someone else, Mr. Gorilla, but I thought I could go on a date with you just as friends. This way, I would be able to help you learn the proper way to treat a young, u-undead woman that you wished to step out with. It should have been fun for both of us!
I did think you were off to a good start, when you took me out to dinner. Um, but just so you know for the future, it’s best to take your dates somewhere romantic, with a little bit of privacy. While the mess hall was very interesting, I think it was a little too . . . noisy and open, for a date. But ah, in more positive news, I think the soup would have been perfect for your girlfriend, now that she’s a zombie. I--I am sorry that I fainted in the middle of dinner, too. I didn’t expect to see my soup staring up at me from the bowl. You really shouldn’t have cut dinner short on my account, but taking me up to the roof to recover was very kind of you. Unfortunately, that gave us a very good view of Marcy and her . . . activities. Oh! I’m too embarrassed to even talk about it!
If that had been the end of it, I really wouldn’t have known what to think. Mr. Gorilla, you tried so hard to be a wonderful date, but nothing had gone right until . . . until you brought me here! Oh, who would have thought that camp would have such an adorable dungeon ♥! What well-cared for instruments of torture! You can almost see your reflection in this iron maiden~! Ah, what cute thumbscrews! Is that a pear of anguish? I’ve never seen one in person before. I had no idea that we shared the same hobby. Waaa, this is so exciting! I’m happy that you trusted me enough to show me this, Mr. Gorilla. If we had started out in here, we may have had a more pleasant evening.
You shouldn’t have given me such a beautiful gift too, on top of everything. It’s in such wonderful condition, well oiled . . . but much too big to come with me. I’ll leave it here, so that in the future we can both play with my rack ♥.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kiden Nixon
Series: NYX
Character Age: 16
Canon: The streets of New York City are less than kind to some. That’s the setting of Kiden Nixon’s story. She watched her dad get shot in front of her eyes when she was little, and then spent most of her time growing up in the process of a slow suicide. But when her mutant powers develop and she nearly gets her teacher killed, Kiden runs away from her life. She comes back when she misses her family, but realizes things aren’t as peachy as they might need to be there. So instead, she finds a surrogate one of equally troubled people. Mostly, they live their day to day lives trying to survive. But sometimes, Kiden’s father appears as a ghostly apparition to guide them as unconventional heroes.
Before she ran, Kiden was on drugs, she partied all the time, and she didn’t give a crap about anyone-especially herself. She’s grown up a lot because of the guilt she feels from messing up the lives of everyone around her. She deals by approaching things more compassionately. She’s always been caustic, rude, and to the point with how she handles situations, but she uses these things to stand up for the people around her without stepping down. Deeply loyal, she’ll take a bullet for anyone close to her and even threaten someone like the X-Men’s Wolverine without thinking twice. Happiness for Kiden is knowing her friends are safe … or a dumpster full of treasures she can dig through. Her spunk shows in how she sees one person’s moldy chicken club sandwich and tattered, discarded socks as lunch and warm feet. She gets by, and she cares, because it’s not like she has anything else now.
Sample Post:
All right, all right, so I get it. This whole Twilight Zone cornfield shtick is actually supposed to be like the Island of Misfit Toys. We’ve got you guys with your retro gorilla thing and the zombies with the whole walking dead deal, and who knows what else is hiding in the corn. Oh yeah, and now there’s me. I’m pretty much made for the Cornfield of Misfit Toys. Only they didn’t think about how Charlie and the Bird Fish survived before Rudolph dropped in to lead them to the promise lands. How the hell are we supposed to make it out here? By picking our nose and eating it? That’s worse than most of the crap I’ve found behind a McDonald’s.
But I figure we’re all here for a reason, so we might as well make the best of it. And then maybe Santa will sweep us away-it is that time of the year, right?
So let me lay it down for you guys.
So … I guess I’m gonna start with our hairy friends. That’s you, Harry, Fred, George, Ginny, and the rest of you-yeah, yeah, I snuck into Harry Potter the other week, don’t blame me! It’s not like they ever named you, right? You’re like the Rudolphs of gorillas with your purple fur, and I bet you didn’t know there’s a place out there for you guys. Sounds unbelievable, but there’s this place called Vegas. Your fur would be a big hit there. Friend of mine wants us all to go there, and maybe we will some day. But it’d be cool if you all were waiting, protecting the stars on the strip, or climbing some buildings with maidens. You know, the usual. Just grab an Elvis suit and wait for Santa, ’cause I’m sure he’ll agree with me with where you’ve gotta go.
-Right, so now that they’re heading off steal some suits off unsuspecting campers, it’s on to you Grunties. You guys are gonna stick with me. I’ll show you the ways of the world, and I’ll try to pick up sewing to keep you all together. Your fingers are a little too delicate for that yourselves, right? But first lesson is gonna be dumpster diving. Until we see if the brains get you back together, I’ll be going solo. Y’see, those brains that never make it into the soup? You know, all of them? They just toss them out, and that’s what I’m gonna fix. That’s right, I’m a first class dumpster diver and I’m gonna be on my way to liberate you from empty stomachs. Just follow me up a little ways ahead, and I’ll show you that they’ve been keeping your kibble from you.
But don’t shuffle too slowly all at once or you’ll just get scraps, guys. It’s a process, but not too much of one. Just watch me jump in, and wait with your jaws naturally unhinged for the big surprise coming your way.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Naruto
Age: 16
Canon: Naruto takes place in a world where there are several rival hidden villages made entirely out of ninjas, demon beasts roam the countryside, and most terrifyingly of all, randomly placed fishnets are the height of fashion. Seventeen years ago, the ninja village of Konohagakure was attacked by a nine-tailed demon fox. It was only saved thanks to the Hokage (the village’s strongest ninja) sealing the demon into a newborn baby. The boy, named Naruto, grew up with the adults who knew of the demon inside him looking down on him, and their behavior was emulated by the children who didn’t know. Being always alone, he became a loud troublemaker, and decided he would become Hokage so that everyone would recognize his existence. He hit a slight snag in this plan when he turned out to kind of suck at being a ninja, but he persevered, being sent out on several high-level missions, and winning out through pure determination (and perhaps a little main character plot protection).
Naruto has since grown up quite a bit, becoming Konohagakure's hero. He is still rather loud and obnoxious, but he is incredibly reliable, as he makes a point to never go back on his word. This gets him far over his head at times, but his sheer determination usually wins out, and will often convert enemies to his way of thinking. Despite this, he is still kind of a dork. He's naive, gullible, prone to loudly complain if a mission doesn’t seem as cool as he thinks it should be, and loves ramen. Above all, he's cheerful and friendly, if not that smart.
Note: Naruto is being taken from recent chapters, where he is on a secret mission to perform an ecological survey.
Sample Entry:
Hey! All you animals line up! I’m here on a secret S-Rank mission, so I need to see all of you! Just come over here and let me take a look- Ack, wait, stop! Don’t run away, I said line up! Dammit, get back here, all of you!
Man, I really thought that’d work. I guess I’ll have to do it the slow way instead. It’s boring to just try and grab them, though! This mission sucks... Why is it a secret S-rank mission, anyway? Wait, now that I think about it, why is this even a ninja mission at all? Are the animals super-dangerous or something? They can’t be ninja animals again, can they?! … No, wait, that can’t be it, they look totally harmless.
Okay, first up are these birds with the really colorful beaks... What are these things called again? Whatever, I’ll just write ‘em down as ‘birds’ and come back to it later once I remember. I just need to figure out the gender ratio, it says... At least it’s an easy mission, even if it’s a little gross. I don’t want to have to spend my time looking at a bird’s junk. Well, just gotta grab one, and... Wait, how do you tell if a bird is a boy or a girl? I said I didn’t want to have to look, but now that I’m looking, I don’t see anything! Isn’t there someone I can ask about this? Ahh, I’ll just come back to it later.
Then, next is cows, it says! That one’ll be easy, at least- Hey! Those aren’t cows, they’re robots! Do those even count as animals?! Anyway, robots don’t have boys or girls, so how am I supposed to figure it out? Do I need to find the ones who have nuts with their bolts? That’s just stupid, I’ll come back to it too.
What else is on this list, anyway? Zombies, gorillas, something called Marcy... Well, with a name like that, it’s gotta be a female, right? But I’ll have to check, too, to be sure. Then there’s ducks with a note about being fire hazards... and pirates? Pirates aren’t even animals! What kind of ninja would think pirates are low enough to be anim-
Ooooh, I get it!
Poll Vote!
Character: Rokujou Chikage
Series: Durarara!!
Character Age: 21
Canon: Tokyo district Ikebukuro: Bustling metropolis, entertainment capital, and a wretched hive of scum and villainy--well, not quite. But in addition to businessmen and restaurants, Ikebukuro is home to a surprising number of black market doctors, yakuza, and “color gangs” that scrabble for territory, supremacy, disembodied but still-living heads, possessed swords, and other collectibles.
Chikage is the captain of the Toramaru gang hailing from nearby Saitama. He’s not in the business for the power or the loot, though. He’ll settle for just enough glory to get the babes. Brash, forthright, easygoing, and utterly focused on charming the ladies, Chikage bashes his way into Ikebukuro hunting the “Dollars” gang after an unprovoked attack on his territory injures civilians. Fearless (and ruthless) in the pursuit of a special brand of violent justice that usually leaves his opponents hospitalized, Chikage thinks nothing of breaking a few heads or kneecaps to defend the honor of teammates, women, or the otherwise defenseless. He largely spends his days drifting around Ikebukuro on simultaneous dates with a half dozen girls, and his nights laying down the law of the jungle with his fists. For all his casual brutality, Chikage’s sunny temperament keeps a steady harem of followers circulating around him, even when gang activities put him on the wrong side of the law.
Sample Post:
Hey, who do you think you’re hassling there? Taking a lady’s arm like that, that’s even worse than snatching her purse! Don’t you have something to say to her? ...You do have a tongue, don’t you? Then you can use it to explain yourself, though there’s no kind of excuse for acting like that. Even if I’m not completely sure that that’s a lady either, you can’t just go and do whatever you want. I mean, you have very fine bone structure, miss, and I’m certain that this lovely and graceful hand is the hand of a lady. There’s no mistake, even if it’s been a little chewed on.
Now, why don’t you take this back? ...Ah. You have two already...? Well, I’m sure he’ll be happy to give you one of his in return for the inconvenience of having to chase him. There’s no problem, right? After making a lady shuffle after you like that, you must have expected to make it up to her. Look, I’m giving you this opportunity. Why don’t you tell her how sorry you are? Look at that empty stare, she’s clearly in shock. Take a little responsibility as a man.
Don’t worry about it at all, miss, I’m sure he was just apologizing now. --You are, aren’t you? Women are delicate. Damaging her innocent and trusting view of the world by stealing from her, it’s really unforgivable. Even if you said “sorry” a thousand times, it wouldn’t pay for that. So, hadn’t you better start now? A million should be enough, but if they’re good I might settle for a hundred thousand.
It doesn’t count as an apology if you don’t speak up, not even a little. You’d better enunciate and make it nice. If she takes pity on you, I might even let you off easy! I wouldn’t want to make a lady cry. After all, a woman’s tears come from her tender heart, I’m sure you don’t need eyes for it. ...Here, you can have his other arm, too. Now your honor’s properly avenged. No, no thanks are necessary, miss. It’s just what any man should do in this kind of situation. I’m always happy to give a pretty lady a hand. ...Or a few arms, if she needs.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Tomoe
Series: Kamisama Hajimemashita
Character Age: Older than 500, but can pass for a high school student.
Canon: Momozono Nanami is just your average Japanese high school student who tries her best to scrape through life before her deadbeat dad with a gambling problem skips town, leaving her broke and homeless. Luckily for her, the stranger she helps out in the park says he has a house out in the boonies that he doesn’t need anymore, so she can have it if she wants. While this is normally the point where the story ends with “and no one ever saw her again,” Nanami does find a house when she follows the directions . . . it’s just that it’s the shrine of the land god (in other words, her). So begins Nanami’s adventures in surprise godhood, and dealing with the politics, responsibilities and dangers of her new position. Fortunately, the shrine also comes with a familiar to guide, serve and protect her.
Tomoe is a fox spirit who was previously known in supernatural circles as the “number one familiar in Japan.” He puts his skills to use eventually, once the yelling is over and he settles into his new role as Nanami’s long-suffering housewife, bodyguard, eye candy, and all-around bitch. Tomoe’s devotion to his duties is shown in the way he behaves-he may scold Nanami for being recklessly naive, but it’s obvious her well-being is his top priority. As for other people, he’ll be diplomatic and charming if he believes it’s good for her and the shrine, but otherwise he tends to be blunt and somewhat callous. And if he thinks they’re a danger, he’s all too willing to turn them into animals before laughing maniacally as he threatens to fry them as part of a perfectly balanced meal for his master.
Sample Post:
Oh my, Marcy-san, you must pass my thanks to Sayre-sama for so graciously inviting me here to survey her large tracts of farmland. They’re very impressive for such a new shrine. Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself. As your master has recognized my many talents, it would be my pleasure to give a fellow familiar some friendly advice on the care and feeding of a god. And of course, the fact that we both have human masters is even more of a reason to stick together-hahaha, but not that close! Your tentacles are quite lovely, but please understand, there’s only one girl for me. I simply cannot betray her by getting so . . . familiar with another familiar.
However, I must admit that I was expecting a slightly different situation. It’s usually the god who remains in a single area of the shrine instead of the familiar, you know. But it was clear from the moment I arrived that this land god does things her own way. Her method of gaining power is ingenious, really. One would think that as a god who is sustained by belief, she would be powerless and cease to exist-but instead, the despair and frustration of her captives merely strengthens her. Such devoted hatred is, after all, still a form of faith. Your role is to reinforce those negative feelings, naturally. And the more they rail against her barrier, the more powerful it becomes, keeping them trapped here to ensure a steady supply of unwitting worshippers.
In any case, the two of you obviously have everything figured out. There is nothing left for me to say about your charmingly rustic shrine, so the time has come for me to bid you farewell. I would hate to impose on you any longer, and I really should be heading back to prepare dinner for my master . . . oh, you’ve already brought her here to dine with us? My, your master certainly doesn’t lack courage. And neither do you, squid, if you think you can stop me. She has dared to touch my master, so she must be ready to deal with the consequences. I’ll turn every stalk of corn to cinders, every cow to scrap metal-I’ll burn everything here to the ground! Even your master’s precious barrier, and then we’ll see how brave she is.
But first . . . I think I’ll try out this new recipe for deep fried squid tentacles.
Poll Vote!
Character: Ada Vessalius
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: 18
Canon: You know it’s going to be a bad 15th birthday when, for the sin of existing, you’re thrown into the magical prison called the “Abyss”. Oz Vessalius, the unfortunate birthday boy, eventually escapes from the Abyss with help from one of its residents. Even after escaping, this isn’t the end of the trouble Oz faces; it’s ten years in the future and some of Oz’s friends and family have aged without him. One of those people who has grown up while Oz was missing is his . . . older younger sister, Ada Vessalius.
Ada is a very kind person, who often puts the concerns of others before her own and always looks for the best in people. She is polite and sometimes hesitant in her speech, except when her excitement overwhelms her. While often referred to as innocent or pure, Ada is much sturdier than she initially appears. After her beloved brother’s disappearance, Ada tried to help him by researching the Abyss. This research led her to become interested in and excited about torture, the occult, and sorcery. Ada is currently dating Vincent Nightray, a member of an opposing Duke’s house. Despite her somewhat questionable taste in boyfriends and hobbies, Ada remains a gentle person at heart.
Sample Post:
Ah, at first I wasn’t sure what to make of you, Mr. Gorilla. You wouldn’t stop pursuing me, even though I’d made it clear that I was seeing someone! T-that’s not how you impress a lady at all! But then, the story you told me about your last girlfriend, that you were star-crossed lovers, kept apart by your families and your positions within two rival street gangs, was very tragic. It reminded me of my own situation at home but . . . um, with much less dancing? I can see how it would be difficult to face her now that she’s a zombie, after she took poison and died for your love. When I heard about that, I couldn’t abandon you! My heart belongs to someone else, Mr. Gorilla, but I thought I could go on a date with you just as friends. This way, I would be able to help you learn the proper way to treat a young, u-undead woman that you wished to step out with. It should have been fun for both of us!
I did think you were off to a good start, when you took me out to dinner. Um, but just so you know for the future, it’s best to take your dates somewhere romantic, with a little bit of privacy. While the mess hall was very interesting, I think it was a little too . . . noisy and open, for a date. But ah, in more positive news, I think the soup would have been perfect for your girlfriend, now that she’s a zombie. I--I am sorry that I fainted in the middle of dinner, too. I didn’t expect to see my soup staring up at me from the bowl. You really shouldn’t have cut dinner short on my account, but taking me up to the roof to recover was very kind of you. Unfortunately, that gave us a very good view of Marcy and her . . . activities. Oh! I’m too embarrassed to even talk about it!
If that had been the end of it, I really wouldn’t have known what to think. Mr. Gorilla, you tried so hard to be a wonderful date, but nothing had gone right until . . . until you brought me here! Oh, who would have thought that camp would have such an adorable dungeon ♥! What well-cared for instruments of torture! You can almost see your reflection in this iron maiden~! Ah, what cute thumbscrews! Is that a pear of anguish? I’ve never seen one in person before. I had no idea that we shared the same hobby. Waaa, this is so exciting! I’m happy that you trusted me enough to show me this, Mr. Gorilla. If we had started out in here, we may have had a more pleasant evening.
You shouldn’t have given me such a beautiful gift too, on top of everything. It’s in such wonderful condition, well oiled . . . but much too big to come with me. I’ll leave it here, so that in the future we can both play with my rack ♥.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kiden Nixon
Series: NYX
Character Age: 16
Canon: The streets of New York City are less than kind to some. That’s the setting of Kiden Nixon’s story. She watched her dad get shot in front of her eyes when she was little, and then spent most of her time growing up in the process of a slow suicide. But when her mutant powers develop and she nearly gets her teacher killed, Kiden runs away from her life. She comes back when she misses her family, but realizes things aren’t as peachy as they might need to be there. So instead, she finds a surrogate one of equally troubled people. Mostly, they live their day to day lives trying to survive. But sometimes, Kiden’s father appears as a ghostly apparition to guide them as unconventional heroes.
Before she ran, Kiden was on drugs, she partied all the time, and she didn’t give a crap about anyone-especially herself. She’s grown up a lot because of the guilt she feels from messing up the lives of everyone around her. She deals by approaching things more compassionately. She’s always been caustic, rude, and to the point with how she handles situations, but she uses these things to stand up for the people around her without stepping down. Deeply loyal, she’ll take a bullet for anyone close to her and even threaten someone like the X-Men’s Wolverine without thinking twice. Happiness for Kiden is knowing her friends are safe … or a dumpster full of treasures she can dig through. Her spunk shows in how she sees one person’s moldy chicken club sandwich and tattered, discarded socks as lunch and warm feet. She gets by, and she cares, because it’s not like she has anything else now.
Sample Post:
All right, all right, so I get it. This whole Twilight Zone cornfield shtick is actually supposed to be like the Island of Misfit Toys. We’ve got you guys with your retro gorilla thing and the zombies with the whole walking dead deal, and who knows what else is hiding in the corn. Oh yeah, and now there’s me. I’m pretty much made for the Cornfield of Misfit Toys. Only they didn’t think about how Charlie and the Bird Fish survived before Rudolph dropped in to lead them to the promise lands. How the hell are we supposed to make it out here? By picking our nose and eating it? That’s worse than most of the crap I’ve found behind a McDonald’s.
But I figure we’re all here for a reason, so we might as well make the best of it. And then maybe Santa will sweep us away-it is that time of the year, right?
So let me lay it down for you guys.
So … I guess I’m gonna start with our hairy friends. That’s you, Harry, Fred, George, Ginny, and the rest of you-yeah, yeah, I snuck into Harry Potter the other week, don’t blame me! It’s not like they ever named you, right? You’re like the Rudolphs of gorillas with your purple fur, and I bet you didn’t know there’s a place out there for you guys. Sounds unbelievable, but there’s this place called Vegas. Your fur would be a big hit there. Friend of mine wants us all to go there, and maybe we will some day. But it’d be cool if you all were waiting, protecting the stars on the strip, or climbing some buildings with maidens. You know, the usual. Just grab an Elvis suit and wait for Santa, ’cause I’m sure he’ll agree with me with where you’ve gotta go.
-Right, so now that they’re heading off steal some suits off unsuspecting campers, it’s on to you Grunties. You guys are gonna stick with me. I’ll show you the ways of the world, and I’ll try to pick up sewing to keep you all together. Your fingers are a little too delicate for that yourselves, right? But first lesson is gonna be dumpster diving. Until we see if the brains get you back together, I’ll be going solo. Y’see, those brains that never make it into the soup? You know, all of them? They just toss them out, and that’s what I’m gonna fix. That’s right, I’m a first class dumpster diver and I’m gonna be on my way to liberate you from empty stomachs. Just follow me up a little ways ahead, and I’ll show you that they’ve been keeping your kibble from you.
But don’t shuffle too slowly all at once or you’ll just get scraps, guys. It’s a process, but not too much of one. Just watch me jump in, and wait with your jaws naturally unhinged for the big surprise coming your way.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Naruto
Age: 16
Canon: Naruto takes place in a world where there are several rival hidden villages made entirely out of ninjas, demon beasts roam the countryside, and most terrifyingly of all, randomly placed fishnets are the height of fashion. Seventeen years ago, the ninja village of Konohagakure was attacked by a nine-tailed demon fox. It was only saved thanks to the Hokage (the village’s strongest ninja) sealing the demon into a newborn baby. The boy, named Naruto, grew up with the adults who knew of the demon inside him looking down on him, and their behavior was emulated by the children who didn’t know. Being always alone, he became a loud troublemaker, and decided he would become Hokage so that everyone would recognize his existence. He hit a slight snag in this plan when he turned out to kind of suck at being a ninja, but he persevered, being sent out on several high-level missions, and winning out through pure determination (and perhaps a little main character plot protection).
Naruto has since grown up quite a bit, becoming Konohagakure's hero. He is still rather loud and obnoxious, but he is incredibly reliable, as he makes a point to never go back on his word. This gets him far over his head at times, but his sheer determination usually wins out, and will often convert enemies to his way of thinking. Despite this, he is still kind of a dork. He's naive, gullible, prone to loudly complain if a mission doesn’t seem as cool as he thinks it should be, and loves ramen. Above all, he's cheerful and friendly, if not that smart.
Note: Naruto is being taken from recent chapters, where he is on a secret mission to perform an ecological survey.
Sample Entry:
Hey! All you animals line up! I’m here on a secret S-Rank mission, so I need to see all of you! Just come over here and let me take a look- Ack, wait, stop! Don’t run away, I said line up! Dammit, get back here, all of you!
Man, I really thought that’d work. I guess I’ll have to do it the slow way instead. It’s boring to just try and grab them, though! This mission sucks... Why is it a secret S-rank mission, anyway? Wait, now that I think about it, why is this even a ninja mission at all? Are the animals super-dangerous or something? They can’t be ninja animals again, can they?! … No, wait, that can’t be it, they look totally harmless.
Okay, first up are these birds with the really colorful beaks... What are these things called again? Whatever, I’ll just write ‘em down as ‘birds’ and come back to it later once I remember. I just need to figure out the gender ratio, it says... At least it’s an easy mission, even if it’s a little gross. I don’t want to have to spend my time looking at a bird’s junk. Well, just gotta grab one, and... Wait, how do you tell if a bird is a boy or a girl? I said I didn’t want to have to look, but now that I’m looking, I don’t see anything! Isn’t there someone I can ask about this? Ahh, I’ll just come back to it later.
Then, next is cows, it says! That one’ll be easy, at least- Hey! Those aren’t cows, they’re robots! Do those even count as animals?! Anyway, robots don’t have boys or girls, so how am I supposed to figure it out? Do I need to find the ones who have nuts with their bolts? That’s just stupid, I’ll come back to it too.
What else is on this list, anyway? Zombies, gorillas, something called Marcy... Well, with a name like that, it’s gotta be a female, right? But I’ll have to check, too, to be sure. Then there’s ducks with a note about being fire hazards... and pirates? Pirates aren’t even animals! What kind of ninja would think pirates are low enough to be anim-
Ooooh, I get it!
Poll Vote!
Character: Rokujou Chikage
Series: Durarara!!
Character Age: 21
Canon: Tokyo district Ikebukuro: Bustling metropolis, entertainment capital, and a wretched hive of scum and villainy--well, not quite. But in addition to businessmen and restaurants, Ikebukuro is home to a surprising number of black market doctors, yakuza, and “color gangs” that scrabble for territory, supremacy, disembodied but still-living heads, possessed swords, and other collectibles.
Chikage is the captain of the Toramaru gang hailing from nearby Saitama. He’s not in the business for the power or the loot, though. He’ll settle for just enough glory to get the babes. Brash, forthright, easygoing, and utterly focused on charming the ladies, Chikage bashes his way into Ikebukuro hunting the “Dollars” gang after an unprovoked attack on his territory injures civilians. Fearless (and ruthless) in the pursuit of a special brand of violent justice that usually leaves his opponents hospitalized, Chikage thinks nothing of breaking a few heads or kneecaps to defend the honor of teammates, women, or the otherwise defenseless. He largely spends his days drifting around Ikebukuro on simultaneous dates with a half dozen girls, and his nights laying down the law of the jungle with his fists. For all his casual brutality, Chikage’s sunny temperament keeps a steady harem of followers circulating around him, even when gang activities put him on the wrong side of the law.
Sample Post:
Hey, who do you think you’re hassling there? Taking a lady’s arm like that, that’s even worse than snatching her purse! Don’t you have something to say to her? ...You do have a tongue, don’t you? Then you can use it to explain yourself, though there’s no kind of excuse for acting like that. Even if I’m not completely sure that that’s a lady either, you can’t just go and do whatever you want. I mean, you have very fine bone structure, miss, and I’m certain that this lovely and graceful hand is the hand of a lady. There’s no mistake, even if it’s been a little chewed on.
Now, why don’t you take this back? ...Ah. You have two already...? Well, I’m sure he’ll be happy to give you one of his in return for the inconvenience of having to chase him. There’s no problem, right? After making a lady shuffle after you like that, you must have expected to make it up to her. Look, I’m giving you this opportunity. Why don’t you tell her how sorry you are? Look at that empty stare, she’s clearly in shock. Take a little responsibility as a man.
Don’t worry about it at all, miss, I’m sure he was just apologizing now. --You are, aren’t you? Women are delicate. Damaging her innocent and trusting view of the world by stealing from her, it’s really unforgivable. Even if you said “sorry” a thousand times, it wouldn’t pay for that. So, hadn’t you better start now? A million should be enough, but if they’re good I might settle for a hundred thousand.
It doesn’t count as an apology if you don’t speak up, not even a little. You’d better enunciate and make it nice. If she takes pity on you, I might even let you off easy! I wouldn’t want to make a lady cry. After all, a woman’s tears come from her tender heart, I’m sure you don’t need eyes for it. ...Here, you can have his other arm, too. Now your honor’s properly avenged. No, no thanks are necessary, miss. It’s just what any man should do in this kind of situation. I’m always happy to give a pretty lady a hand. ...Or a few arms, if she needs.
Poll Vote!