(no subject)
Morning roundddd.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!!
Character: Nero
Series: Devil May Cry 4
Age: Appears late teens.
Canon: Devil May Cry has long been a game series about looking good while kicking demon ass with some plot line, explosions, and hot chicks who want to stab you thrown into the mix. Leading man Dante has reigned over the franchise for three games with his cheesy one-liners and flair for killing demons in ridiculously cool-looking ways, but stepping up to the plate in Devil May Cry 4 is newcomer half-demon, half-human Nero. As a member of a religious group dedicated to protecting the human world from demons, Nero’s daily life consists of hunting down demons to slay and he’s not about to let himself get shown up when it comes to stylistic killing flair.
While Dante’s years of demon slaying have turned him into a smooth operator, Nero makes up for his lack of experience with a quick trigger finger and plenty of snappy teenage attitude to spare. Considered a mouthy brat by most of the adults in his life, Nero’s sharp and sarcastic tongue has gotten on the nerves of more than one person and his general lack of respect for authority figures (or any figures really) hasn’t won him any brownie points either. Not that he really cares. Nero’s sole motivation is protecting the person he loves and he’s willing to do any and every thing, including forsaking his humanity to become a demon, to protect her.
Sample Post:
I gotta say I’ve never heard of anything as stupid as this before. I’ve been involved with a lot of crazy stuff, and believe me when I say a demon slayer sees a lot of weird things on the job, but this takes the cake. I mean, just what part of a ‘demon outreach program’ is supposed to sound like a good idea?
Here’s a little starter advice: most demons don’t want to be reached out to. They’re happy just the way they are and guys like me are just as happy hunting them down. Not trying to get all buddy buddy with them. I think we’ve got a good system worked out by now. Besides, I already met with a couple of the locals on the way in and I’m pretty sure we got off to a bad start. And I’m really sure I’m never going to get this bloodstain out of my jacket. Not to mention the stench, eugh.
But hey, you guys do whatever the hell you want. I’m outta here. Community service isn’t really my thing and these tickets are a bunch of bullshit anyway. A ticket for smart mouthing to an ‘officer of the law?’ I’d say the bigger offense there was the fact that the guy’s badge was made out of cardboard and crayons. Kind of lacks that ring of authority I’m so used to ignoring. And from the way he kept literally falling apart while trying to give me a ticket, I was doing him a favor by putting him out of his misery. Giving me two weeks of community service for that? Talk about your lack of gratitude.
So since I don’t wanna be here and you guys really don’t want me here, how about pointing me in the direction out and I’ll be sure to talk about how sorry I am for messing up your little legal system here. And this time try not to give me some garbage about anger management, or you guys’ll get to see exactly how I manage my anger. Now spill it, who the hell do I have to talk to get out of this hellhole?
... Heh, got it. Well believe me when I say I’ll be just as happy to see this ‘Marcy’ as she’ll be to see me. Don’t think I’ll be scared off by the mention of a couple of tentacles or what she does with them. I’ve got a few tricks up my own sleeve too and none of them involve being some lonely squid’s plaything.
... Gross, I think I just gave myself a mental image.
Poll Vote!
Character: Riku Replica
Series: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories
Character Age: Looks 15, actually about a day old
Canon: In his first adventure, Sora, the boy with the giant housekey saved a bunch of Disney worlds, relocated his (not quite lost) bestest friends Riku and Kairi, and then...everyone went their separate ways, setting us up for a sequel. Chain of Memories is that sequel, introducing players to the horror that is the card-battling system and making Sora revisit all the worlds he saved before, again in search his friends, who still aren’t really lost, inside a giant white castle. To complicate matters, the resident mad scientist has decided to clone one of Sora’s friend and set him loose in the castle.
This is the Riku Replica. A data-copy of Riku, he is identical to Riku in every aspect except for personality. The Replica is stubborn and aggressive, hostile to those he doesn’t trust or like, and fiercely protective of anyone he deems trustworthy or ‘good’. He tends to spaz out when he’s frustrated or confused. The Replica has absolutely no qualms about using the powers of darkness, and as a result, is slightly more powerful when wielding them, unlike the real Riku. Speaking of Riku...well, actually, you really shouldn’t speak of Riku around the replica.
Sample Post:
What’s going on here, Real Thing?
When you said my heart would go to the same place as yours, I hope you didn’t mean this place. Leave it to you to have me end up on some farm with just as many dead and rotting inhabitants as living ones. Yeah, I’m so blaming you for this if I ever find you, I’ll blame you to your face. But the zombies here are so pathetically easy to destroy with the slightest effort, so I guess I can let you slide on that. This time.
Oh look, the losers have backup. The zombies were just the warm-up act, huh? Hmph. Well, I don’t care who I’m fighting, I’ve got darkness on my side and that’s plenty. So who wants to go first? Yeah, I’m talking to the giant purple things. I’m ready when you--
--HEY. Put me down! Just because you’re bigger than me doesn’t mean you can just pick me up and throw me over your shoulder like I’m some kind of doll or something! Because I’m not! I may be fake but I’m not a toy! I hope you won’t miss your arms too much after I remove them...just as soon as you put me down.
…
Hmph. About time you listened to me....or not. You’re not listening, you’re...what’re you pointing at that’s so important up there?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kara Zor-El / Supergirl
Series: DC Comics
Character Age: Appears 18.
Canon: The story of Superman is pretty famous. Kal-El, a baby from the planet Krypton, is sent to Earth right before his planet is destroyed. He is adopted by the Kent family, creates the persona of Superman, and is the ~*~Last of His Kind~*~. Except not because he also had a cousin named Kara who was sent to Earth after him, but she didn't arrive until years later due to plot and bad luck. Under the teachings of the world's finest, Kara takes up the shield and cape to become Supergirl. She spends her days saving the city of Metropolis, the world, and everything else, just like any good hero would.
Kara is what you would call a plucky, young blonde. She's normally good at keeping an upbeat personality when her life isn't doing 180s (this happens a lot for comic book characters) and she's quick to seek a good time. She's witty, friendly, and adventurous-for someone who carries so much on her shoulders, she really embodies the teenage spirit. The downside to that is that she's rather defiant, is quick to anger, and is horrible at keeping still. Her emotions are worn for all to see; when she's excited, she'll never stop smiling and when she's bored she'll speak dryly. While Kara is very intelligent and powerful, she has a lack of control which leads her to making more mistakes than she'd like, and she still doesn't understand all of Earth's customs. But in the end, she's just a girl who sometimes feels alienated (ha ha!) and wants to help others.
Sample Post: I never really understood why a farm was such a big deal. Sure, it felt nice whenever I visited, but that was more because of the Kents than wheat. Kal really loves that place: The little farm in the little town of Smallville. He always said that I'll understand someday, but he grew up there; I just stop by every now and then. It's called that for a reason, you know-there's absolutely nothing to do! I tried spending a week there once, but I kept sneaking out to Metropolis whenever I got the chance. I never thought I really would get a chance to really see the magic of it all.
This, though, isn't going to make me see it. This isn't Smallville! Is it even Kansas? I mean, it looks like Kansas, with the whole lot of... nothing. Nothing and cows. I really hate to admit it, but come on. When has anyone ever went, "Look down at the ground! It's a train! It's a car! No, it's... a tractor." Space is busier than this, and there isn't even any air in space. Not like that has ever stopped me, but I digress. I've always been told that I need to appreciate the smaller things in life more. Yeah, no kidding. I just didn't think that they meant I had to experience the smaller things like this. I mean, I'm all for taking breaks from the hero biz, but I think I've used up almost all my vacation hours by now. The S on my chest is going to start to stand for Summerbreakgirl or something, if this goes on. And now I'm making bad jokes about my life, how awesome.
But this isn't any ordinary farm-it's a camp farm. Replace roasting marshmallows with roasting corn. How someone came up with the idea to add those two things together, I will never know. But I can't say I'm not prepared for this. Of course I put a vigorous amount of effort into researching human customs in order to better understand their ways of living. What kind of scientist wouldn't study something so important? So yeah, after marathoning a lot of summer camp movies, I think I understand how this whole concept works. You play a few practical jokes on others, sing some Kumbayas, then run away screaming from an ooze monster that came from the lake. That's easy enough; it sounds like just any other normal day for a cape. After all...
I'm Supergirl. This is my life.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Kanaya Maryam
Series: Homestuck
Age: 6, which is to say the equivalent of about 13
Canon: It’s your thirteenth birthday, and all you wanna do is open some presents, talk to your friends online, and play video games. But somehow the universe has decided that that would be too sensible, so you find yourself instead becoming the star of a pseudo-text adventure involving fantastic creatures, time travel antics, apocalyptic catastrophes, and an epic quest with mechanics that rely heavily on the use of the internet. So it comes as no surprise that you’ll eventually also find yourself being pestered by a number of the web’s favorite sons… the trolls.
One member of the bothersome band befrienemying the heroic party throughout their ordeal is Kanaya Maryam. She’s a bit unusual for a troll for various reasons, but one of the more obvious of these is simply the fact she often has less interest in real antagonism than in helping in a stubborn and frustratingly fussy fashion, as evidenced by her internet handle “grimAuxiliatrix.” Her demeanor is typically serious, if a little snooty and pretentious-seeming, and her way of speaking follows suit, Being Very Logical And Carefully Pronounced And Without Many Overt Signs Of Emotion. But because it’s often full of big words, long sentences, and difficult concepts, it sounds intelligent and superior right up until she starts babbling or goes off on some complicated metaphysical tangent and manages to confuse and embarrass not only the person she’s talking to, but herself as well. Add to that a sense of humor still partially under construction and a love of fashion, topiary, and (perhaps more guiltily) bad vampire romance novels, and you have one dorky, snarky “lousy stupid goddamn supportive friend.”
Sample Post:
GA: Why Is It That When The Subject Of Horticulture Is Broached You Humans Are The Only Ones Whose Sparing Intellects Do Not Instantly Assume The Most Ingratiating Posture Of Surrender Imaginable
GA: Plants Are Not That Difficult To Understand
GA: Even If The Particular Flora Is Alien In Nature And Forces You To Adjust Certain Former Assumptions When The Breeze Gradually Alerts You To The Presence Of A Tree Whose Usual Foliage Has Been Replaced By Netherdressings
GA: But No
GA: The Utilitarian Nature Of My Fellow Trolls Has Always Led To A Poor Appreciation Of Both Fashionable Clothing And Any Aspect of Nature That Is Neither Edible Nor Actively Attempting To Consume Them Or I Suppose In This Case Whatever Else It May Be That Your Large Sea Creature Does With Those Victims It Captures
GA: Sadly It Is An Attitude Which I Do Not Believe Will Change In This New Environment Despite Its Novelty
GA: Where Even The Heinous Broods Of The Undead Are Markedly Different From Our Own
GA: Though I Wonder
GA: If The Rules Concerning These Creatures Are Altered Then Is It Possible That The Same Could Be Said Of Others
GA: And That Even Now There Are A Number Of Those Particular Fabled And Misunderstood Beings Among Us Avoiding Detection And Persecution While Surreptitiously Drinking From The Great Feast Of Multispecies And Multicolored Blood In This Strange Universal Meetingplace
GA: And Teaching A Special Young Troll About Their World Of Danger And Forbidden Passion And Tasting The Rainbow
GA: Wait
GA: Its Clear That Was Just A Joke Right
GA: Uh Well
GA: In Any Case
GA: Despite Any Differences Or Oddities We May Come Across Here It Would Seem That It Is Too Late At This Point To Affect Much Change In Our Current Situation
GA: Whether Our Presence Here Is Another Consequence Of Our Own Actions
GA: Or Perhaps Of Those Of The Humans
GA: At The Very Least It Does Not Seem To Be The Natural Course Of Events Despite Its Inevitability
GA: If The Natural And Inevitable Are Concepts That Can Ever Be Said To Be Exclusive Of One Another
GA: Though From What I Have Seen Of This Tuesday Soup If It Is Possible In Any Sphere At All Then This Camp Holds That Sphere
GA: If That Makes Any Sense
GA: Actually Now That I Think About It I Dont Believe It Does So Forget I Said Anything
GA: Perhaps I Should Just Delete This Before Someone Sees It And Starts
GA: Judging
Applicant #2
Character: Kanaya Maryam
Series: Homestuck
Character Age: Approximately Thirteen Human Earth Years
Canon: Homestuck is the story of four normal-ish kids playing a game of much higher stakes than they ever could have imagined. Parallel and precursor to that tale is that of Hivebent: the story of twelve very different children playing the same game for the same unimaginable stakes. When Team: Hivebent encounters Team: Homestuck (over the interstellar internet, of course), they decide to do everything they can to screw with Human Earth Children. The fact that the the word Troll is both accurate to their intended actions, and a technically correct descriptor of their species may be coincidence or divine providence.
But Kanaya is pretty unique, even by troll standards. As if her freakish diurnal habits and penchant for vampire romance novels weren’t weird enough, she also has a the strangest proclivity mediate between her friends- as if she wanted them to be happy and not fight constantly. For a troll, this is viewed by some as a bit of a personality flaw. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and even stupid, caring, meddlesome, understanding, articulate Kanaya is doing her best to pull out all the stops to antagonize the humans. She’s even been doing her best to understand and emulate Earth Human Insincerity-Based Communication (such as sarcasm). It has been something of a struggle.
Her Words Are Jade Green
Her General Tendency Is To Speak Very Precisely
Though On Occasion She Has Been Known To Be What Some Would Qualify As Long Winded
And/Or Go One What Some Could Under Some Circumstances
See As Ranting
Or Tangents
It Is Only Because She Wishes To Get Her Point Across Accurately You See
Sample:
Why Is It That When Faced With Even The Simplest Principal Of Romanticized Undead The Logic Of This World Seems To Assume The Most Unbecoming Position Of Defiance Possible
I Must Say I Am Extremely Disappointed
Oh Wait
To Properly Display My Displeasure I Shall Use A Human Earth Meme
Camp Fuck You Die I Am Disappoint
Some Of You May Notice A Breach Of Grammar In The Above Statements
Rest Assured It Was Well And Fully Intentional
Here I Will Also Include Some Shout Poles Along With A Dismayed Catch Phrase In Case My Sincerity Was Not Clear
Bluh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And Lo
There It Is
And There They Are
As You See I Am Both "Hip" and "With It" To Your Human Internet Humor And/Or Communication Techniques
Primitive As They May Be
Here
Observe:
"L-O-L Cats"
See?
I Have Done It Again
But Let Us Bring The Conversation Back To The Original Topic Shall We?
And In Case Your Laughable Vertebrate Intellects Have Forgotten
The Topic Here Is The Absolutely Inexcusable State Of Your Undead
If They Are Worth Having At All As Consorts Of This Land
They Should Unquestionably Be In The Classic Style of Anne Trollrice Or Even Stephtrolly Meyers
If You Wish To Be More Modern
In Either Case
The Contemporary Connoisseur Expects Shining Tortured Brooders
With Twisted Pasts
And Even Twistedinger Passions
I Come Expecting Rainbow Drinking
But Here I See Supplied Only Mush Chompers
Oh Please
Cease Your Cries Of "Brains" Immediately
For You Will Find That I Tend To Solve My Problems With The Aid of A Motorized Hedge-Trimming Apparatus
And In The Words Of Your Highly Arrogant Human Earth Worms
I Rarely Have The Same Problem Multiple Times In Succession
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!!
Character: Nero
Series: Devil May Cry 4
Age: Appears late teens.
Canon: Devil May Cry has long been a game series about looking good while kicking demon ass with some plot line, explosions, and hot chicks who want to stab you thrown into the mix. Leading man Dante has reigned over the franchise for three games with his cheesy one-liners and flair for killing demons in ridiculously cool-looking ways, but stepping up to the plate in Devil May Cry 4 is newcomer half-demon, half-human Nero. As a member of a religious group dedicated to protecting the human world from demons, Nero’s daily life consists of hunting down demons to slay and he’s not about to let himself get shown up when it comes to stylistic killing flair.
While Dante’s years of demon slaying have turned him into a smooth operator, Nero makes up for his lack of experience with a quick trigger finger and plenty of snappy teenage attitude to spare. Considered a mouthy brat by most of the adults in his life, Nero’s sharp and sarcastic tongue has gotten on the nerves of more than one person and his general lack of respect for authority figures (or any figures really) hasn’t won him any brownie points either. Not that he really cares. Nero’s sole motivation is protecting the person he loves and he’s willing to do any and every thing, including forsaking his humanity to become a demon, to protect her.
Sample Post:
I gotta say I’ve never heard of anything as stupid as this before. I’ve been involved with a lot of crazy stuff, and believe me when I say a demon slayer sees a lot of weird things on the job, but this takes the cake. I mean, just what part of a ‘demon outreach program’ is supposed to sound like a good idea?
Here’s a little starter advice: most demons don’t want to be reached out to. They’re happy just the way they are and guys like me are just as happy hunting them down. Not trying to get all buddy buddy with them. I think we’ve got a good system worked out by now. Besides, I already met with a couple of the locals on the way in and I’m pretty sure we got off to a bad start. And I’m really sure I’m never going to get this bloodstain out of my jacket. Not to mention the stench, eugh.
But hey, you guys do whatever the hell you want. I’m outta here. Community service isn’t really my thing and these tickets are a bunch of bullshit anyway. A ticket for smart mouthing to an ‘officer of the law?’ I’d say the bigger offense there was the fact that the guy’s badge was made out of cardboard and crayons. Kind of lacks that ring of authority I’m so used to ignoring. And from the way he kept literally falling apart while trying to give me a ticket, I was doing him a favor by putting him out of his misery. Giving me two weeks of community service for that? Talk about your lack of gratitude.
So since I don’t wanna be here and you guys really don’t want me here, how about pointing me in the direction out and I’ll be sure to talk about how sorry I am for messing up your little legal system here. And this time try not to give me some garbage about anger management, or you guys’ll get to see exactly how I manage my anger. Now spill it, who the hell do I have to talk to get out of this hellhole?
... Heh, got it. Well believe me when I say I’ll be just as happy to see this ‘Marcy’ as she’ll be to see me. Don’t think I’ll be scared off by the mention of a couple of tentacles or what she does with them. I’ve got a few tricks up my own sleeve too and none of them involve being some lonely squid’s plaything.
... Gross, I think I just gave myself a mental image.
Poll Vote!
Character: Riku Replica
Series: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories
Character Age: Looks 15, actually about a day old
Canon: In his first adventure, Sora, the boy with the giant housekey saved a bunch of Disney worlds, relocated his (not quite lost) bestest friends Riku and Kairi, and then...everyone went their separate ways, setting us up for a sequel. Chain of Memories is that sequel, introducing players to the horror that is the card-battling system and making Sora revisit all the worlds he saved before, again in search his friends, who still aren’t really lost, inside a giant white castle. To complicate matters, the resident mad scientist has decided to clone one of Sora’s friend and set him loose in the castle.
This is the Riku Replica. A data-copy of Riku, he is identical to Riku in every aspect except for personality. The Replica is stubborn and aggressive, hostile to those he doesn’t trust or like, and fiercely protective of anyone he deems trustworthy or ‘good’. He tends to spaz out when he’s frustrated or confused. The Replica has absolutely no qualms about using the powers of darkness, and as a result, is slightly more powerful when wielding them, unlike the real Riku. Speaking of Riku...well, actually, you really shouldn’t speak of Riku around the replica.
Sample Post:
What’s going on here, Real Thing?
When you said my heart would go to the same place as yours, I hope you didn’t mean this place. Leave it to you to have me end up on some farm with just as many dead and rotting inhabitants as living ones. Yeah, I’m so blaming you for this if I ever find you, I’ll blame you to your face. But the zombies here are so pathetically easy to destroy with the slightest effort, so I guess I can let you slide on that. This time.
Oh look, the losers have backup. The zombies were just the warm-up act, huh? Hmph. Well, I don’t care who I’m fighting, I’ve got darkness on my side and that’s plenty. So who wants to go first? Yeah, I’m talking to the giant purple things. I’m ready when you--
--HEY. Put me down! Just because you’re bigger than me doesn’t mean you can just pick me up and throw me over your shoulder like I’m some kind of doll or something! Because I’m not! I may be fake but I’m not a toy! I hope you won’t miss your arms too much after I remove them...just as soon as you put me down.
…
Hmph. About time you listened to me....or not. You’re not listening, you’re...what’re you pointing at that’s so important up there?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kara Zor-El / Supergirl
Series: DC Comics
Character Age: Appears 18.
Canon: The story of Superman is pretty famous. Kal-El, a baby from the planet Krypton, is sent to Earth right before his planet is destroyed. He is adopted by the Kent family, creates the persona of Superman, and is the ~*~Last of His Kind~*~. Except not because he also had a cousin named Kara who was sent to Earth after him, but she didn't arrive until years later due to plot and bad luck. Under the teachings of the world's finest, Kara takes up the shield and cape to become Supergirl. She spends her days saving the city of Metropolis, the world, and everything else, just like any good hero would.
Kara is what you would call a plucky, young blonde. She's normally good at keeping an upbeat personality when her life isn't doing 180s (this happens a lot for comic book characters) and she's quick to seek a good time. She's witty, friendly, and adventurous-for someone who carries so much on her shoulders, she really embodies the teenage spirit. The downside to that is that she's rather defiant, is quick to anger, and is horrible at keeping still. Her emotions are worn for all to see; when she's excited, she'll never stop smiling and when she's bored she'll speak dryly. While Kara is very intelligent and powerful, she has a lack of control which leads her to making more mistakes than she'd like, and she still doesn't understand all of Earth's customs. But in the end, she's just a girl who sometimes feels alienated (ha ha!) and wants to help others.
Sample Post: I never really understood why a farm was such a big deal. Sure, it felt nice whenever I visited, but that was more because of the Kents than wheat. Kal really loves that place: The little farm in the little town of Smallville. He always said that I'll understand someday, but he grew up there; I just stop by every now and then. It's called that for a reason, you know-there's absolutely nothing to do! I tried spending a week there once, but I kept sneaking out to Metropolis whenever I got the chance. I never thought I really would get a chance to really see the magic of it all.
This, though, isn't going to make me see it. This isn't Smallville! Is it even Kansas? I mean, it looks like Kansas, with the whole lot of... nothing. Nothing and cows. I really hate to admit it, but come on. When has anyone ever went, "Look down at the ground! It's a train! It's a car! No, it's... a tractor." Space is busier than this, and there isn't even any air in space. Not like that has ever stopped me, but I digress. I've always been told that I need to appreciate the smaller things in life more. Yeah, no kidding. I just didn't think that they meant I had to experience the smaller things like this. I mean, I'm all for taking breaks from the hero biz, but I think I've used up almost all my vacation hours by now. The S on my chest is going to start to stand for Summerbreakgirl or something, if this goes on. And now I'm making bad jokes about my life, how awesome.
But this isn't any ordinary farm-it's a camp farm. Replace roasting marshmallows with roasting corn. How someone came up with the idea to add those two things together, I will never know. But I can't say I'm not prepared for this. Of course I put a vigorous amount of effort into researching human customs in order to better understand their ways of living. What kind of scientist wouldn't study something so important? So yeah, after marathoning a lot of summer camp movies, I think I understand how this whole concept works. You play a few practical jokes on others, sing some Kumbayas, then run away screaming from an ooze monster that came from the lake. That's easy enough; it sounds like just any other normal day for a cape. After all...
I'm Supergirl. This is my life.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Kanaya Maryam
Series: Homestuck
Age: 6, which is to say the equivalent of about 13
Canon: It’s your thirteenth birthday, and all you wanna do is open some presents, talk to your friends online, and play video games. But somehow the universe has decided that that would be too sensible, so you find yourself instead becoming the star of a pseudo-text adventure involving fantastic creatures, time travel antics, apocalyptic catastrophes, and an epic quest with mechanics that rely heavily on the use of the internet. So it comes as no surprise that you’ll eventually also find yourself being pestered by a number of the web’s favorite sons… the trolls.
One member of the bothersome band befrienemying the heroic party throughout their ordeal is Kanaya Maryam. She’s a bit unusual for a troll for various reasons, but one of the more obvious of these is simply the fact she often has less interest in real antagonism than in helping in a stubborn and frustratingly fussy fashion, as evidenced by her internet handle “grimAuxiliatrix.” Her demeanor is typically serious, if a little snooty and pretentious-seeming, and her way of speaking follows suit, Being Very Logical And Carefully Pronounced And Without Many Overt Signs Of Emotion. But because it’s often full of big words, long sentences, and difficult concepts, it sounds intelligent and superior right up until she starts babbling or goes off on some complicated metaphysical tangent and manages to confuse and embarrass not only the person she’s talking to, but herself as well. Add to that a sense of humor still partially under construction and a love of fashion, topiary, and (perhaps more guiltily) bad vampire romance novels, and you have one dorky, snarky “lousy stupid goddamn supportive friend.”
Sample Post:
GA: Why Is It That When The Subject Of Horticulture Is Broached You Humans Are The Only Ones Whose Sparing Intellects Do Not Instantly Assume The Most Ingratiating Posture Of Surrender Imaginable
GA: Plants Are Not That Difficult To Understand
GA: Even If The Particular Flora Is Alien In Nature And Forces You To Adjust Certain Former Assumptions When The Breeze Gradually Alerts You To The Presence Of A Tree Whose Usual Foliage Has Been Replaced By Netherdressings
GA: But No
GA: The Utilitarian Nature Of My Fellow Trolls Has Always Led To A Poor Appreciation Of Both Fashionable Clothing And Any Aspect of Nature That Is Neither Edible Nor Actively Attempting To Consume Them Or I Suppose In This Case Whatever Else It May Be That Your Large Sea Creature Does With Those Victims It Captures
GA: Sadly It Is An Attitude Which I Do Not Believe Will Change In This New Environment Despite Its Novelty
GA: Where Even The Heinous Broods Of The Undead Are Markedly Different From Our Own
GA: Though I Wonder
GA: If The Rules Concerning These Creatures Are Altered Then Is It Possible That The Same Could Be Said Of Others
GA: And That Even Now There Are A Number Of Those Particular Fabled And Misunderstood Beings Among Us Avoiding Detection And Persecution While Surreptitiously Drinking From The Great Feast Of Multispecies And Multicolored Blood In This Strange Universal Meetingplace
GA: And Teaching A Special Young Troll About Their World Of Danger And Forbidden Passion And Tasting The Rainbow
GA: Wait
GA: Its Clear That Was Just A Joke Right
GA: Uh Well
GA: In Any Case
GA: Despite Any Differences Or Oddities We May Come Across Here It Would Seem That It Is Too Late At This Point To Affect Much Change In Our Current Situation
GA: Whether Our Presence Here Is Another Consequence Of Our Own Actions
GA: Or Perhaps Of Those Of The Humans
GA: At The Very Least It Does Not Seem To Be The Natural Course Of Events Despite Its Inevitability
GA: If The Natural And Inevitable Are Concepts That Can Ever Be Said To Be Exclusive Of One Another
GA: Though From What I Have Seen Of This Tuesday Soup If It Is Possible In Any Sphere At All Then This Camp Holds That Sphere
GA: If That Makes Any Sense
GA: Actually Now That I Think About It I Dont Believe It Does So Forget I Said Anything
GA: Perhaps I Should Just Delete This Before Someone Sees It And Starts
GA: Judging
Applicant #2
Character: Kanaya Maryam
Series: Homestuck
Character Age: Approximately Thirteen Human Earth Years
Canon: Homestuck is the story of four normal-ish kids playing a game of much higher stakes than they ever could have imagined. Parallel and precursor to that tale is that of Hivebent: the story of twelve very different children playing the same game for the same unimaginable stakes. When Team: Hivebent encounters Team: Homestuck (over the interstellar internet, of course), they decide to do everything they can to screw with Human Earth Children. The fact that the the word Troll is both accurate to their intended actions, and a technically correct descriptor of their species may be coincidence or divine providence.
But Kanaya is pretty unique, even by troll standards. As if her freakish diurnal habits and penchant for vampire romance novels weren’t weird enough, she also has a the strangest proclivity mediate between her friends- as if she wanted them to be happy and not fight constantly. For a troll, this is viewed by some as a bit of a personality flaw. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and even stupid, caring, meddlesome, understanding, articulate Kanaya is doing her best to pull out all the stops to antagonize the humans. She’s even been doing her best to understand and emulate Earth Human Insincerity-Based Communication (such as sarcasm). It has been something of a struggle.
Her Words Are Jade Green
Her General Tendency Is To Speak Very Precisely
Though On Occasion She Has Been Known To Be What Some Would Qualify As Long Winded
And/Or Go One What Some Could Under Some Circumstances
See As Ranting
Or Tangents
It Is Only Because She Wishes To Get Her Point Across Accurately You See
Sample:
Why Is It That When Faced With Even The Simplest Principal Of Romanticized Undead The Logic Of This World Seems To Assume The Most Unbecoming Position Of Defiance Possible
I Must Say I Am Extremely Disappointed
Oh Wait
To Properly Display My Displeasure I Shall Use A Human Earth Meme
Camp Fuck You Die I Am Disappoint
Some Of You May Notice A Breach Of Grammar In The Above Statements
Rest Assured It Was Well And Fully Intentional
Here I Will Also Include Some Shout Poles Along With A Dismayed Catch Phrase In Case My Sincerity Was Not Clear
Bluh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And Lo
There It Is
And There They Are
As You See I Am Both "Hip" and "With It" To Your Human Internet Humor And/Or Communication Techniques
Primitive As They May Be
Here
Observe:
"L-O-L Cats"
See?
I Have Done It Again
But Let Us Bring The Conversation Back To The Original Topic Shall We?
And In Case Your Laughable Vertebrate Intellects Have Forgotten
The Topic Here Is The Absolutely Inexcusable State Of Your Undead
If They Are Worth Having At All As Consorts Of This Land
They Should Unquestionably Be In The Classic Style of Anne Trollrice Or Even Stephtrolly Meyers
If You Wish To Be More Modern
In Either Case
The Contemporary Connoisseur Expects Shining Tortured Brooders
With Twisted Pasts
And Even Twistedinger Passions
I Come Expecting Rainbow Drinking
But Here I See Supplied Only Mush Chompers
Oh Please
Cease Your Cries Of "Brains" Immediately
For You Will Find That I Tend To Solve My Problems With The Aid of A Motorized Hedge-Trimming Apparatus
And In The Words Of Your Highly Arrogant Human Earth Worms
I Rarely Have The Same Problem Multiple Times In Succession
Poll Vote!