(no subject)
Next batch! There's a dup at the end of this one.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Amano
Series: Livingstone.
Character Age: Teenager
Canon: You know those places in the world where tragic deaths seem to happen a lot, like a curving part of road where fatal accidents often occur? Those are 'points of negativity', caused when a soul goes off of its preordained path. 90% of your life is already planned out -- your soul determines everything and when you get off of that path, bad things happen. Luckily there are people who can help! Well, for certain definitions of help: they can save your soul, even if it means killing you. Amano is one half of a partner team that works for Livingstone Collection Services. He cleans up and purifies points of negativity, as well as doing the actual soul removing bits -- his partner, Sakurai, does the flesh disposal side.
Amano is good at his job; in fact he doesn't have anything in his life but his job. He doesn't have hobbies or friends or a soul. Because he doesn't have a soul Amano doesn't understand certain social rules -- like not comprehending the mourning process. Not only does Amano lack tact, but he also can't feel pain and doesn't understand "fun" or other human emotional drives like motivation and determination. This leads to him often responding to situations in a very empty manner -- he doesn’t feel. Amano pretty much only talks about his job and rarely initiates conversations unless it's work related. While not an entirely silent character, he does often stay quiet for long periods of time: a lot of Amano’s personality can be seen in his gestures. Despite not having the same emotional drives as everyone else, Amano can get fixated on things like playing a video game through meal time or playing catch with a cellphone instead of paying attention to his partner.
Sample Post:
[It's Tuesday -- that means the body part soup is on the menu. A young man in the mess hall seems to find this fascinating. And by fascinating, he's clearly never heard the phrase "don't play with your food". He has an eyeball in a spoon and is thoroughly examining it.]
♫ [He whistles to himself.]
[He tilts the spoon and watches the eyeball roll, and then tilts the spoon the other direction to watch the eyeball rock back and forth. He’s absorbed in this task for almost fifteen minutes, then he tosses the spoon -- with eyeball -- to the kitchen table. He doesn’t even watch the spoon clatter to the tabletop, or the eyeball plop onto the table in a wet mess. He’s bored and done with that now.
Without giving another look to the mess hall he heads outside to the zombie infested farm. Hands in his pockets, he watches a few zombies shamble around.]
Hey. You. Your soul’s got to be pretty messed up by now, right? I can tell, 'cos if your outsides are rotting your insides've got to be just as bad. So, wanna die?
[As an afterthought he points a finger at one of the zombies. He has a slightly vacant expression on his face, and waits for the zombie to respond. When it just responds with a moan and a shamble he speaks again:]
If you give me permission I can do that for you. Dunno what to do about your body since Sakurai’s not here, but maybe one of the other guys’ll eat it. That’ll be all right, since your soul’ll be gone then. Doesn't look like you've got it in you to stay alive, anyway. Wont hurt at all and it'll be a piece of cake, all you have to do is agree.
[As he talks the zombie shuffles closer and closer. He doesn’t back away. Finally the zombie gets close enough to bite down on the finger he’s pointing at it. He doesn’t even blink, just stares at the zombie blankly. The zombie stares back and chews a little on his finger.]
That a yes or a no? I don’t really wanna wait around all day for you. There's a lot of you guys around, leaving stains everywhere. Man, what a pain, there's so much work to do. Guess I should trying the other way, huh? Didn't think you needed so much convincing, since you're barely hanging on there, but ...
[The zombie groans. He shrugs, and finally looks down to where the zombie is chewing on his finger. He pulls back, bringing the zombie with the hand motion.]
♪ [He hums to himself, playing finger tug of war with the zombie. He continues to have an empty expression, and then he gets bored of playing with the zombie and pulls his hand back so hard the zombie’s teeth get pulled out as well. He looks a little surprised, especially because the teeth continue to chew on his finger even outside of the zombie’s mouth. He then takes a moment to think and then points the finger -- still with the teeth attached -- at the zombie.]
I’m here to save you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Gazille Reitfox
Series: Fairy Tail
Character Age: seemingly late teens
Canon: In the world of Fairy Tail, magic is simply a fact of life for most people, with mage guilds in every town, shops to sell magical items, and a council to oversee all of these things and keep them in line. The mage guild Fairy Tail however… sets up shop on that line and sells tickets to the show. Though they have good intentions and manage to complete the mercenary-style jobs that they take on, their excessive property damage and willingness to ignore the council tends to keep them permanently in trouble with the guys in charge. Not to mention in trouble with the actual bad guys.
Iron Dragon Slayer Gazille used to be one of these bad guys. He was cruel, selfish, and violent, and he wanted little more than to thoughtlessly annihilate everyone he considered an enemy, and then some. But now that he’s been properly jesused and recruited into Fairy Tail, he’s… um… cruel, selfish, and violent? B- BUT LESS SO?! Now his cruelty is less intentional and more because he’s a competitive grouch with no social skills, his selfish desires can be set aside for the sake of his friends, and his violence is channeled more productively and positively. Well, sometimes. He’s still impatient and short-tempered of course, but now Gazille seems genuinely loyal and protective of his guild despite his cocky, patronizing attitude toward most of its members, and his tsundere attempts at getting along with people can be oddly adorable at times.
Oh, and since his magic is Iron Dragon Slayer magic, Gazille is covered in piercings, eats metal to recharge his strength, and has a ~fabulous~ ‘do that looks like it just walked off the set of an 80s hairmetal music video.
Sample Post:
Gihihihihi! Is that all you got, you trash?! Come on, this seriously has to be some kind of joke! I thought this job was supposed to be a challenge!
The rumor was no matter how many people came here, and no matter how powerful they were, nobody ever returned of their own free will! Soldiers and mages both, and even that damn Salamander himself once! Hell, I heard there’s supposed to be some real live dragons around here somewhere, and even they can’t get out on their own. So that must mean whoever’s keeping all these guys here has to be the strongest around, right? But all I’ve seen so far is a bunch of chumps in ripped up clothes and monkey suits, so maybe I got the wrong place! Tell me this isn’t really the dreaded CFUNDERDOME!! What happened to “2000 men enter, no man leaves unscarred”?!
Tch, I knew this was too good to be true. If this is really the best you’ve got to offer, that damn client better be paying well for this bore-fest of a mission at least. Eh, though now that I think about it, I guess it’s about time I find this I. C. Weiner guy anyway… What? What the fuck are you laughing at, assholes?! You think I’m funny? Like I’m some sort of clown, I’m here to amuse you?! You’re birds! How the hell are you even understanding me to begin with?!
Argh, forget it!! Trying to make sense of this stupid place is a waste of effort! If you want funny, I’ll sure as hell show you “funny”! You feathery jackasses can laugh yourselves all the way to a damn rotisserie! Well, unless you decide to make yourselves useful maybe. You seem at least a little smart for squawking pests with brains the size of peanuts, and all that cracking up you’ve been doing means you know something about the guy I’m looking for, right? I got no plans to play nice with any of you idiots, but you find me Weiner, and maybe I at least won’t roast your sorry carcasses and gobble you up, skewer and all.
GRRAAAHH!!! STOP WITH THE FUCKING LAUGHING BEFORE I KICK ALL YOUR ASSES! YOU BRING ME WEINER AND YOU MAKE IT FAST!! I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR EXCUSES, I NEED THAT DAMN WEINER NOW!!!
Poll Vote!
Character: Brooklyn
Series: Gargoyles
Character Age: 1036. 1000 years of that were spent frozen. 36 is around 18 in gargoyle-years. Like dog-years backwards or something.
Canon Welcome to Manhattan circa 1994. If you've spent any time here, you've probably heard of a lovely(ish) man called David Xanatos. He owns the whole city. Seriously. He also owns a 1000-something year old Scottish castle named Wyvern Castle that he has plunked on top of one of his skyscrapers - above the clouds, as it were.
This act breaks a thousand-year-old spell on the remaining inhabitants, six Gargoyles. These creatures, sleeping as stone statues by day and awake by night, aren't used to 1994 yet and 1994 isn't used to them either, but they're still determined to defend their home and the people who live there as they always have.
Brooklyn is one of the youngest members of the group - quick-witted, curious and one of the most eager of the group to embrace the modern world (between things like Star Trek references and a love of wearing sunglasses at night, he's actually kind of a dork). Like all of the Gargoyles, protecting his home is one of the important things in life to him; it's true, though, that like most them, he has had moments of doubting whether this protecting humans thing is worth it, especially with all the trouble they can cause. His street smarts and strategic intelligence are why he was made second-in-command of their clan, but he's also very impulsive, can be mutinous and tends to harbour long grudges.
(Note: I'm taking Brooklyn from around the Goliath Chronicles, not the comics.)
Sample Post
Camp Fuck You Die. Really. Was Camp Snugglebutt already taken? I'll say this for it, though, it lives up to its name; have you ever woken up and found a purple monkey... thing sitting on top of you? Yeah. And I don't think he thought the statue he was sitting on would bust open and headbutt him where it hurts, either. Gargoyles are defenders of the night, protect and serve our castle, all that - even American summer camp castles. But I can't protect and serve a gorilla that's been sitting on my face for a day. If that's not in any kind of rule book, I'm putting it in there myself.
In other words - sorry, Donkey Kong, you're fresh out of luck. And look, I'll say sorry for headbutting you if you promise to never sit on statues again. Especially the heads, especially if they've got horns. Just in case. Got it?... Come on, don't look at me like that. You're twice my size, you don't need me looking after you. Do you even know humans? They need saving from themselves, trust me. And summer camp is like some kind of human rookery, right? Human adults are hard work enough - kids, though.... Man, I got my work cut out for me around here even without looking after you.
I guess if I'm going to be staying here fulltime, I gotta know what I'm dealing with. So what have I learned so far? So far we've got monkeys with no idea about personal space, a big cornfield, kids running around somewhere and I can just see a tower that I can perch on... if there wasn't a giant squid sitting on it.
Man, is this going to be a long night or what.
So... yeah, nice talking to you, but I'm gonna go find these humans, a TV and some food. In that order. Stay, Bubbles. Stay.
No, don't--fine. Come, Bubbles. Come. Uh, good chimp.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Vriska Serket
Series: Homestuck
Age: Six Alternian Solar Sweeps / 13 human years
Canon: Homestuck is a webcomic about a 13 year old boy and his friends fighting to prevent the end of the world from happening. To do so, they have to play the computer game SBURB. Over the course of their adventures, they receive more or less helpful information and a lot of meta from the creators of their universe: Trolls who contact them from the past and future and who have already played the game. These trolls are a humanoid species from the planet Alternia and their unique society comes with monsters for guardians, attitude problems and complicated relationship types. However, most young trolls spend their time similarly to young humans - in roleplay games and chats. Vriska is one of these trolls.
Vriska grew up having to kill fellow trolls to feed them to her spidermonster mom; a surefire way to develop some mental issues. Thus, Vriska came to enjoy the process of luring her victims, which she did during extreme roleplaying games. Vriska is manipulative and easily bored. An expert roleplayer even in her day-to-day life, she keeps busy by making shady deals and having as many irons in the fire as possible. She's insulting and superior and often does horrible things to her so-called 'boring' friends in order to amuse herself. These days Vriska no longer has to sustain her guardian and has even agreed to a truce with the other trolls, but it hasn't changed her for the better. On occasion she makes an effort not to be as terrible to people, with little success. It never occurs to Vriska that her actions are the reason everyone avoids her.
Most communication in Homestuck takes places on online instant messengers. As the spider-themed troll, Vriska's typing revolves around the number 8, to the point where she even gives her emoticons eight eyes. Her online handle is arachnidsGrip and her st8ments tend to 8e just a little 8it overdramaaaaaaaatic.
Sample:
--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling cfudGroaner [CG] -
AG: Psssssssst.
AG: Hey, you.
AG: 8rave leader of the undead.
AG: So you think that you can beat the end 8oss of this game and t8ke all her loot.
AG: Don't make me laugh!
AG: I've 8een watching your ridiculous 8lundering for a while now, 8ut it's gotten harder and harder to stay out of it.
AG: You've w8sted enough time.
AG: Shit has hit the air-8lowing thermantidote.
AG: It's 8een just hilarious to watch you flail hard enough to lose one or the other lim8, 8ut I've got to help you out sooner or l8ter.
AG: You should 8e gr8ful to have the 8est roleplaying partner at your disposal!
AG: 8efore anything else, set up your character.
AG: In this case, that's going to 8e yourself.
AG: Don't 8e such a rotting wuss! That's nothing dangerous to do.
AG: You have me, after all.
AG: After that, you pick an outfit and your strife speci8us. That's a weapon, in your cruddy simplified Earth human terms.
AG: What will it 8e? A 8lack suit and shuriken - oh, no way, Camp is already full of those stealth clowns.
AG: Look, I'm really happy you like ninjas and I'd let you finish, 8ut -
AG: Pirates are the 8est roleplaying characters of all time.
AG: Of aaaaaaaall time!
AG: That's your cue to laugh.
AG: It's one of your silly Earth human memes.
AG: You can roll your eyes all you want, I know for a fact that your 8ad jokes are a prerequisite to winning this game.
AG: How does that superior sense of humor m8ke you feel? To 8e quite honest, it looks kind of painful.
AG: Are you in paaaaaaaain, CG?
AG: I could've told you your eyes would get stuck like this.
AG: Life as a 8lind loser must really 8e the hardest. Your self-pity is sickening.
AG: The way you and your team have spent the entire session 8awling and 8emoaning yourselves like a chorale of pathetic wigglers.
AG: 8oo hoooooooo. Clearly this is all Vriska's fault. First we waste our time squa88ling among ourselves over the last 8ite of prefrontal neocortex and then get all tangled up in her we8 so she eggs us on further and fucks our plans over! Poooooooor us. We just can't catch a 8r8k.
AG: Wrong.
AG: I'm only doing my 8est to help here, 8elieve it or not.
AG: Now that we have that important lesson out of the way, gra8 a weapon already.
AG: Any weapon.
AG: Or water-8ased ointment. Why?
AG: Don't ask, trust! I've got this.
AG: Anyway, it will come in handy.
AG: And you could use a hand, couldn't you?
AG: No, not mine. I won't hold yours and 8a8y you all day long.
AG: 8e a 8ig 8oy already, CG.
AG: You'll 8e heading str8 for the silo, do you hear me?
AG: No 8oring intermissions or thriller dances to woo the eight-armed lady.
AG: She will 8e the most powerful adversary you have ever met.
AG: Put up a good fight!
AG: I'm sure she'll 8e more than pleased to retali8.
AG: You moan all you want now, 8ut you'll 8e thanking me one day.
AG: :::;)
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling cfudGroaner [CG] --
Applicant #2
Character: Vriska Serket
Series: Homestuck
Character Age: Six solar sweeps, roughly thirteen in Earth years
Canon: Homestuck is a webcomic about four human kids and their attempts to play (and survive) a video game called Sburb. During the course of their adventures they are contacted via a chat client by twelve trolls, alien beings who happened to complete a similar game themselves. The sixteen of them are forced to work together while navigating cultural misunderstandings, sloppy interspecies flirtations, weird time shit and more, all in the hopes of somehow stopping existence from coming to an end.
Vriska Serket is one of these trolls. An avid player of Flarp (a form of extreme roleplaying), she is obsessed with being the best and making sure everyone else knows it. To this end she also hates "weak" people, thinking of them as beneath her. Unless of course she happens to take an interest in them, in which case she subjects them to her own special brand of tough love- namely, throwing them into ridiculously dangerous situations and expecting them to not only survive, but get stronger because of it. While Vriska prides herself on being underhanded and a master manipulator, the truth is these attempts usually end up backfiring spectacularly. Still, she continues to try and is not above making shady deals with someone she may otherwise regard as an enemy, even if her sweet-talking is less than subtle. She has no taste for petty moral "absolutes" as long as the end result is in her favor, yet those who double-cross her first should expect nothing but the most vicious retribution.
Note: Vriska's chat handle is arachnidsGrip (AG) and her st8tments tend to 8e just a little 8it overdramaaaaaaaatic. It g8ts worse when s8e's upset!!!!!!!!
Sample Post:
--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling campFlarpudie [CF]--
AG: Weeeeeeeell Director.
AG: I have to admit this is pretty well played.
AG: I'm impressed!
AG: It's not every day that someone manages to pull one over on the gr8 Marquis Spinneret Mindfang.
AG: Or may8e I should say Vriska Serket.
AG: Just because this is some kind of Flarp camp doesn't mean I have to use my Flarp name all the time.
AG: 8ecause I think someone as crafty as you deserves respect, you know.
AG: Professionally speaking.
AG: Running a place like this must take a lot of work.
AG: I understand how hard it is to 8e in charge of major campaigns!
AG: Organizing your players, making sure they all work together, keeping them on track to get all the treasure.
AG: (All of it)
AG: And all the levels!!!!!!!!
AG: Sometimes you'd think you were asking them to 8e stabbed through the chest or something, not just fight some monsters.
AG: "Oh noooooooo Vriska I'm not strong enough for all this, are you trying to kill me?"
AG: You know how it goes.
AG: 8ut the monsters here suck!
AG: These undead you have are waaaaaaaay too weak.
AG: They can't even keep their own arms on, how pathetic is that?
AG: Even a 8unch of wimpy wrigglers could handle them.
AG: And the ro8otic horn8easts are worthless. They pro8a8ly couldn't even trample a player to death!
AG: Even the giant tentacle8east looks like a 8ig piece of calamari.
AG: You definitely need stronger monsters to let the players know you mean 8usiness.
AG: Like I'm sure you know, you need to 8e ruthless!
AG: It's the only way for your players to get stronger.
AG: That's where I come in.
AG: I can give them a reeeeeeeal challenge.
AG: Something they'll never forget.
AG: You'll be known for the 8est campaigns ever!
AG: All you have to do is split your power with me, and let me in on your plans.
AG: You can still say you're the leader, of course, 8ut really we'd be co-leaders. ::::)
AG: So what do you say, Director?
AG: I think we'd make a gr8 team.
AG: Director?
AG: Hey, Director!
AG: I'm t8lking to you, you can't just ignore me like this!
AG: This is an important deal! You won't find 8nother Flarper like me anywhere else, ever!
AG: This is the 8nly chance you'll h8ve to play with someone like me, and get help from them.
AG: Are you really g8ing to give that up????????
AG: I can't 8elieve you're going to throw this ch8nce away.
AG: You must 8e stupid and 8nsane!
AG: You're so st8pid and insane you pro8a8ly don't even know h8w stupid and 8nsane you really are!
AG: Jegus!!!!!!!!
AG: You just 8rought in the 8est Flarper around, and t8en tried to 8urn her 8y ignoring her generous 8ffer to help you suck less.
AG: I almost c8n't 8elieve you.
AG: You're g8ing to regret 8ringing me here.
AG: You're going to regr8t all of this.
AG: Just watch.
--arachnidsGrip [AG] has ceased trolling campFlarpudie [CF]--
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Amano
Series: Livingstone.
Character Age: Teenager
Canon: You know those places in the world where tragic deaths seem to happen a lot, like a curving part of road where fatal accidents often occur? Those are 'points of negativity', caused when a soul goes off of its preordained path. 90% of your life is already planned out -- your soul determines everything and when you get off of that path, bad things happen. Luckily there are people who can help! Well, for certain definitions of help: they can save your soul, even if it means killing you. Amano is one half of a partner team that works for Livingstone Collection Services. He cleans up and purifies points of negativity, as well as doing the actual soul removing bits -- his partner, Sakurai, does the flesh disposal side.
Amano is good at his job; in fact he doesn't have anything in his life but his job. He doesn't have hobbies or friends or a soul. Because he doesn't have a soul Amano doesn't understand certain social rules -- like not comprehending the mourning process. Not only does Amano lack tact, but he also can't feel pain and doesn't understand "fun" or other human emotional drives like motivation and determination. This leads to him often responding to situations in a very empty manner -- he doesn’t feel. Amano pretty much only talks about his job and rarely initiates conversations unless it's work related. While not an entirely silent character, he does often stay quiet for long periods of time: a lot of Amano’s personality can be seen in his gestures. Despite not having the same emotional drives as everyone else, Amano can get fixated on things like playing a video game through meal time or playing catch with a cellphone instead of paying attention to his partner.
Sample Post:
[It's Tuesday -- that means the body part soup is on the menu. A young man in the mess hall seems to find this fascinating. And by fascinating, he's clearly never heard the phrase "don't play with your food". He has an eyeball in a spoon and is thoroughly examining it.]
♫ [He whistles to himself.]
[He tilts the spoon and watches the eyeball roll, and then tilts the spoon the other direction to watch the eyeball rock back and forth. He’s absorbed in this task for almost fifteen minutes, then he tosses the spoon -- with eyeball -- to the kitchen table. He doesn’t even watch the spoon clatter to the tabletop, or the eyeball plop onto the table in a wet mess. He’s bored and done with that now.
Without giving another look to the mess hall he heads outside to the zombie infested farm. Hands in his pockets, he watches a few zombies shamble around.]
Hey. You. Your soul’s got to be pretty messed up by now, right? I can tell, 'cos if your outsides are rotting your insides've got to be just as bad. So, wanna die?
[As an afterthought he points a finger at one of the zombies. He has a slightly vacant expression on his face, and waits for the zombie to respond. When it just responds with a moan and a shamble he speaks again:]
If you give me permission I can do that for you. Dunno what to do about your body since Sakurai’s not here, but maybe one of the other guys’ll eat it. That’ll be all right, since your soul’ll be gone then. Doesn't look like you've got it in you to stay alive, anyway. Wont hurt at all and it'll be a piece of cake, all you have to do is agree.
[As he talks the zombie shuffles closer and closer. He doesn’t back away. Finally the zombie gets close enough to bite down on the finger he’s pointing at it. He doesn’t even blink, just stares at the zombie blankly. The zombie stares back and chews a little on his finger.]
That a yes or a no? I don’t really wanna wait around all day for you. There's a lot of you guys around, leaving stains everywhere. Man, what a pain, there's so much work to do. Guess I should trying the other way, huh? Didn't think you needed so much convincing, since you're barely hanging on there, but ...
[The zombie groans. He shrugs, and finally looks down to where the zombie is chewing on his finger. He pulls back, bringing the zombie with the hand motion.]
♪ [He hums to himself, playing finger tug of war with the zombie. He continues to have an empty expression, and then he gets bored of playing with the zombie and pulls his hand back so hard the zombie’s teeth get pulled out as well. He looks a little surprised, especially because the teeth continue to chew on his finger even outside of the zombie’s mouth. He then takes a moment to think and then points the finger -- still with the teeth attached -- at the zombie.]
I’m here to save you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Gazille Reitfox
Series: Fairy Tail
Character Age: seemingly late teens
Canon: In the world of Fairy Tail, magic is simply a fact of life for most people, with mage guilds in every town, shops to sell magical items, and a council to oversee all of these things and keep them in line. The mage guild Fairy Tail however… sets up shop on that line and sells tickets to the show. Though they have good intentions and manage to complete the mercenary-style jobs that they take on, their excessive property damage and willingness to ignore the council tends to keep them permanently in trouble with the guys in charge. Not to mention in trouble with the actual bad guys.
Iron Dragon Slayer Gazille used to be one of these bad guys. He was cruel, selfish, and violent, and he wanted little more than to thoughtlessly annihilate everyone he considered an enemy, and then some. But now that he’s been properly jesused and recruited into Fairy Tail, he’s… um… cruel, selfish, and violent? B- BUT LESS SO?! Now his cruelty is less intentional and more because he’s a competitive grouch with no social skills, his selfish desires can be set aside for the sake of his friends, and his violence is channeled more productively and positively. Well, sometimes. He’s still impatient and short-tempered of course, but now Gazille seems genuinely loyal and protective of his guild despite his cocky, patronizing attitude toward most of its members, and his tsundere attempts at getting along with people can be oddly adorable at times.
Oh, and since his magic is Iron Dragon Slayer magic, Gazille is covered in piercings, eats metal to recharge his strength, and has a ~fabulous~ ‘do that looks like it just walked off the set of an 80s hairmetal music video.
Sample Post:
Gihihihihi! Is that all you got, you trash?! Come on, this seriously has to be some kind of joke! I thought this job was supposed to be a challenge!
The rumor was no matter how many people came here, and no matter how powerful they were, nobody ever returned of their own free will! Soldiers and mages both, and even that damn Salamander himself once! Hell, I heard there’s supposed to be some real live dragons around here somewhere, and even they can’t get out on their own. So that must mean whoever’s keeping all these guys here has to be the strongest around, right? But all I’ve seen so far is a bunch of chumps in ripped up clothes and monkey suits, so maybe I got the wrong place! Tell me this isn’t really the dreaded CFUNDERDOME!! What happened to “2000 men enter, no man leaves unscarred”?!
Tch, I knew this was too good to be true. If this is really the best you’ve got to offer, that damn client better be paying well for this bore-fest of a mission at least. Eh, though now that I think about it, I guess it’s about time I find this I. C. Weiner guy anyway… What? What the fuck are you laughing at, assholes?! You think I’m funny? Like I’m some sort of clown, I’m here to amuse you?! You’re birds! How the hell are you even understanding me to begin with?!
Argh, forget it!! Trying to make sense of this stupid place is a waste of effort! If you want funny, I’ll sure as hell show you “funny”! You feathery jackasses can laugh yourselves all the way to a damn rotisserie! Well, unless you decide to make yourselves useful maybe. You seem at least a little smart for squawking pests with brains the size of peanuts, and all that cracking up you’ve been doing means you know something about the guy I’m looking for, right? I got no plans to play nice with any of you idiots, but you find me Weiner, and maybe I at least won’t roast your sorry carcasses and gobble you up, skewer and all.
GRRAAAHH!!! STOP WITH THE FUCKING LAUGHING BEFORE I KICK ALL YOUR ASSES! YOU BRING ME WEINER AND YOU MAKE IT FAST!! I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR EXCUSES, I NEED THAT DAMN WEINER NOW!!!
Poll Vote!
Character: Brooklyn
Series: Gargoyles
Character Age: 1036. 1000 years of that were spent frozen. 36 is around 18 in gargoyle-years. Like dog-years backwards or something.
Canon Welcome to Manhattan circa 1994. If you've spent any time here, you've probably heard of a lovely(ish) man called David Xanatos. He owns the whole city. Seriously. He also owns a 1000-something year old Scottish castle named Wyvern Castle that he has plunked on top of one of his skyscrapers - above the clouds, as it were.
This act breaks a thousand-year-old spell on the remaining inhabitants, six Gargoyles. These creatures, sleeping as stone statues by day and awake by night, aren't used to 1994 yet and 1994 isn't used to them either, but they're still determined to defend their home and the people who live there as they always have.
Brooklyn is one of the youngest members of the group - quick-witted, curious and one of the most eager of the group to embrace the modern world (between things like Star Trek references and a love of wearing sunglasses at night, he's actually kind of a dork). Like all of the Gargoyles, protecting his home is one of the important things in life to him; it's true, though, that like most them, he has had moments of doubting whether this protecting humans thing is worth it, especially with all the trouble they can cause. His street smarts and strategic intelligence are why he was made second-in-command of their clan, but he's also very impulsive, can be mutinous and tends to harbour long grudges.
(Note: I'm taking Brooklyn from around the Goliath Chronicles, not the comics.)
Sample Post
Camp Fuck You Die. Really. Was Camp Snugglebutt already taken? I'll say this for it, though, it lives up to its name; have you ever woken up and found a purple monkey... thing sitting on top of you? Yeah. And I don't think he thought the statue he was sitting on would bust open and headbutt him where it hurts, either. Gargoyles are defenders of the night, protect and serve our castle, all that - even American summer camp castles. But I can't protect and serve a gorilla that's been sitting on my face for a day. If that's not in any kind of rule book, I'm putting it in there myself.
In other words - sorry, Donkey Kong, you're fresh out of luck. And look, I'll say sorry for headbutting you if you promise to never sit on statues again. Especially the heads, especially if they've got horns. Just in case. Got it?... Come on, don't look at me like that. You're twice my size, you don't need me looking after you. Do you even know humans? They need saving from themselves, trust me. And summer camp is like some kind of human rookery, right? Human adults are hard work enough - kids, though.... Man, I got my work cut out for me around here even without looking after you.
I guess if I'm going to be staying here fulltime, I gotta know what I'm dealing with. So what have I learned so far? So far we've got monkeys with no idea about personal space, a big cornfield, kids running around somewhere and I can just see a tower that I can perch on... if there wasn't a giant squid sitting on it.
Man, is this going to be a long night or what.
So... yeah, nice talking to you, but I'm gonna go find these humans, a TV and some food. In that order. Stay, Bubbles. Stay.
No, don't--fine. Come, Bubbles. Come. Uh, good chimp.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Vriska Serket
Series: Homestuck
Age: Six Alternian Solar Sweeps / 13 human years
Canon: Homestuck is a webcomic about a 13 year old boy and his friends fighting to prevent the end of the world from happening. To do so, they have to play the computer game SBURB. Over the course of their adventures, they receive more or less helpful information and a lot of meta from the creators of their universe: Trolls who contact them from the past and future and who have already played the game. These trolls are a humanoid species from the planet Alternia and their unique society comes with monsters for guardians, attitude problems and complicated relationship types. However, most young trolls spend their time similarly to young humans - in roleplay games and chats. Vriska is one of these trolls.
Vriska grew up having to kill fellow trolls to feed them to her spidermonster mom; a surefire way to develop some mental issues. Thus, Vriska came to enjoy the process of luring her victims, which she did during extreme roleplaying games. Vriska is manipulative and easily bored. An expert roleplayer even in her day-to-day life, she keeps busy by making shady deals and having as many irons in the fire as possible. She's insulting and superior and often does horrible things to her so-called 'boring' friends in order to amuse herself. These days Vriska no longer has to sustain her guardian and has even agreed to a truce with the other trolls, but it hasn't changed her for the better. On occasion she makes an effort not to be as terrible to people, with little success. It never occurs to Vriska that her actions are the reason everyone avoids her.
Most communication in Homestuck takes places on online instant messengers. As the spider-themed troll, Vriska's typing revolves around the number 8, to the point where she even gives her emoticons eight eyes. Her online handle is arachnidsGrip and her st8ments tend to 8e just a little 8it overdramaaaaaaaatic.
Sample:
--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling cfudGroaner [CG] -
AG: Psssssssst.
AG: Hey, you.
AG: 8rave leader of the undead.
AG: So you think that you can beat the end 8oss of this game and t8ke all her loot.
AG: Don't make me laugh!
AG: I've 8een watching your ridiculous 8lundering for a while now, 8ut it's gotten harder and harder to stay out of it.
AG: You've w8sted enough time.
AG: Shit has hit the air-8lowing thermantidote.
AG: It's 8een just hilarious to watch you flail hard enough to lose one or the other lim8, 8ut I've got to help you out sooner or l8ter.
AG: You should 8e gr8ful to have the 8est roleplaying partner at your disposal!
AG: 8efore anything else, set up your character.
AG: In this case, that's going to 8e yourself.
AG: Don't 8e such a rotting wuss! That's nothing dangerous to do.
AG: You have me, after all.
AG: After that, you pick an outfit and your strife speci8us. That's a weapon, in your cruddy simplified Earth human terms.
AG: What will it 8e? A 8lack suit and shuriken - oh, no way, Camp is already full of those stealth clowns.
AG: Look, I'm really happy you like ninjas and I'd let you finish, 8ut -
AG: Pirates are the 8est roleplaying characters of all time.
AG: Of aaaaaaaall time!
AG: That's your cue to laugh.
AG: It's one of your silly Earth human memes.
AG: You can roll your eyes all you want, I know for a fact that your 8ad jokes are a prerequisite to winning this game.
AG: How does that superior sense of humor m8ke you feel? To 8e quite honest, it looks kind of painful.
AG: Are you in paaaaaaaain, CG?
AG: I could've told you your eyes would get stuck like this.
AG: Life as a 8lind loser must really 8e the hardest. Your self-pity is sickening.
AG: The way you and your team have spent the entire session 8awling and 8emoaning yourselves like a chorale of pathetic wigglers.
AG: 8oo hoooooooo. Clearly this is all Vriska's fault. First we waste our time squa88ling among ourselves over the last 8ite of prefrontal neocortex and then get all tangled up in her we8 so she eggs us on further and fucks our plans over! Poooooooor us. We just can't catch a 8r8k.
AG: Wrong.
AG: I'm only doing my 8est to help here, 8elieve it or not.
AG: Now that we have that important lesson out of the way, gra8 a weapon already.
AG: Any weapon.
AG: Or water-8ased ointment. Why?
AG: Don't ask, trust! I've got this.
AG: Anyway, it will come in handy.
AG: And you could use a hand, couldn't you?
AG: No, not mine. I won't hold yours and 8a8y you all day long.
AG: 8e a 8ig 8oy already, CG.
AG: You'll 8e heading str8 for the silo, do you hear me?
AG: No 8oring intermissions or thriller dances to woo the eight-armed lady.
AG: She will 8e the most powerful adversary you have ever met.
AG: Put up a good fight!
AG: I'm sure she'll 8e more than pleased to retali8.
AG: You moan all you want now, 8ut you'll 8e thanking me one day.
AG: :::;)
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling cfudGroaner [CG] --
Applicant #2
Character: Vriska Serket
Series: Homestuck
Character Age: Six solar sweeps, roughly thirteen in Earth years
Canon: Homestuck is a webcomic about four human kids and their attempts to play (and survive) a video game called Sburb. During the course of their adventures they are contacted via a chat client by twelve trolls, alien beings who happened to complete a similar game themselves. The sixteen of them are forced to work together while navigating cultural misunderstandings, sloppy interspecies flirtations, weird time shit and more, all in the hopes of somehow stopping existence from coming to an end.
Vriska Serket is one of these trolls. An avid player of Flarp (a form of extreme roleplaying), she is obsessed with being the best and making sure everyone else knows it. To this end she also hates "weak" people, thinking of them as beneath her. Unless of course she happens to take an interest in them, in which case she subjects them to her own special brand of tough love- namely, throwing them into ridiculously dangerous situations and expecting them to not only survive, but get stronger because of it. While Vriska prides herself on being underhanded and a master manipulator, the truth is these attempts usually end up backfiring spectacularly. Still, she continues to try and is not above making shady deals with someone she may otherwise regard as an enemy, even if her sweet-talking is less than subtle. She has no taste for petty moral "absolutes" as long as the end result is in her favor, yet those who double-cross her first should expect nothing but the most vicious retribution.
Note: Vriska's chat handle is arachnidsGrip (AG) and her st8tments tend to 8e just a little 8it overdramaaaaaaaatic. It g8ts worse when s8e's upset!!!!!!!!
Sample Post:
--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling campFlarpudie [CF]--
AG: Weeeeeeeell Director.
AG: I have to admit this is pretty well played.
AG: I'm impressed!
AG: It's not every day that someone manages to pull one over on the gr8 Marquis Spinneret Mindfang.
AG: Or may8e I should say Vriska Serket.
AG: Just because this is some kind of Flarp camp doesn't mean I have to use my Flarp name all the time.
AG: 8ecause I think someone as crafty as you deserves respect, you know.
AG: Professionally speaking.
AG: Running a place like this must take a lot of work.
AG: I understand how hard it is to 8e in charge of major campaigns!
AG: Organizing your players, making sure they all work together, keeping them on track to get all the treasure.
AG: (All of it)
AG: And all the levels!!!!!!!!
AG: Sometimes you'd think you were asking them to 8e stabbed through the chest or something, not just fight some monsters.
AG: "Oh noooooooo Vriska I'm not strong enough for all this, are you trying to kill me?"
AG: You know how it goes.
AG: 8ut the monsters here suck!
AG: These undead you have are waaaaaaaay too weak.
AG: They can't even keep their own arms on, how pathetic is that?
AG: Even a 8unch of wimpy wrigglers could handle them.
AG: And the ro8otic horn8easts are worthless. They pro8a8ly couldn't even trample a player to death!
AG: Even the giant tentacle8east looks like a 8ig piece of calamari.
AG: You definitely need stronger monsters to let the players know you mean 8usiness.
AG: Like I'm sure you know, you need to 8e ruthless!
AG: It's the only way for your players to get stronger.
AG: That's where I come in.
AG: I can give them a reeeeeeeal challenge.
AG: Something they'll never forget.
AG: You'll be known for the 8est campaigns ever!
AG: All you have to do is split your power with me, and let me in on your plans.
AG: You can still say you're the leader, of course, 8ut really we'd be co-leaders. ::::)
AG: So what do you say, Director?
AG: I think we'd make a gr8 team.
AG: Director?
AG: Hey, Director!
AG: I'm t8lking to you, you can't just ignore me like this!
AG: This is an important deal! You won't find 8nother Flarper like me anywhere else, ever!
AG: This is the 8nly chance you'll h8ve to play with someone like me, and get help from them.
AG: Are you really g8ing to give that up????????
AG: I can't 8elieve you're going to throw this ch8nce away.
AG: You must 8e stupid and 8nsane!
AG: You're so st8pid and insane you pro8a8ly don't even know h8w stupid and 8nsane you really are!
AG: Jegus!!!!!!!!
AG: You just 8rought in the 8est Flarper around, and t8en tried to 8urn her 8y ignoring her generous 8ffer to help you suck less.
AG: I almost c8n't 8elieve you.
AG: You're g8ing to regret 8ringing me here.
AG: You're going to regr8t all of this.
AG: Just watch.
--arachnidsGrip [AG] has ceased trolling campFlarpudie [CF]--
Poll Vote!