(no subject)
Good morning, good morning~.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character name: Luke Castellan
Series: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Age: 23
Job: Hobo Helper
Canon: In order to stop a dangerous prophecy from coming to pass, the still-powerful Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades swear on the River Styx that they won’t have any children that could lead to the inevitable downfall of the age of the Olympians. Unfortunately, they fucked up (literally), and one day, Poseidon’s son, Percy, showed up at the demigod training center, Camp Half-Blood. Like all demigods, he has to deal with monsters, living up to expectations, and a seemingly deadbeat parent who can’t get involved because of godly rules that prevent them from openly favoring their children. But what if these very rules could be the catalyst for the gods’ downfall?
Every story needs a villain, and that’s where Luke Castellan enters the picture. When we first meet this son of Hermes, Luke is the charismatic nice guy who’s in charge of the most neglected (and often unclaimed by their parents) kids at Camp Half-Blood. Over time, his bitterness about their experiences, as well as his own, ends up helping him decide to turn against the gods to bring back the vengeful Titan father of the Olympians, Kronos, and destroy civilization itself. And he almost pulls it off! Most of his success is due to his charisma and ability to read what others want from their lives. Power, protection for a loved one, or even the chance to see someone who’s died again? He’ll promise that and more to get others on his side. And maybe some part of him actually wants them to have these things, too. Thanks to parentage from a trickster god, Luke is cunning in his motivations and slippery in his actions. However, his anger often blinds him, and it often turns his plans into flawed ones that can easily be foiled. But someone has to give him credit for trying.
Sample Entry:
It’s insulting, isn’t it?
You’ve all been faithful to her for a while. I mean, I’ve gotta hand it to you guys-the well-oiled machine of Camp Fuck You Die is impressive. But it isn’t all her button pushing that adds to the atmosphere, is it? It’s been you guys, I can tell. You’ve been the best and the most loyal, the ones who’ve been faithful to Elizabeth Sayre since the very beginning, right when she started out her experiments. But it’s obvious she’s stopped caring about you. Sure, you guys have gold stars for good performances every December and rubber brains in your stockings, but she’s just pandering to you. What about the black dye? What about the real brains? From the looks of things, those idiot campers wouldn’t miss them. She gives them everything, even someone designated to give them real homes, and I’m left wondering-what about you? How many times have you forgotten to drag a camper to breakfast? How many times have you toucans forgotten to trick a camper into believing she was born this way: a boring, good for nothing farmhand? That’s right! I know it’s never.
Elizabeth Sayre has behaved like a goddess of this place for too long! She’s not even a real god. She just plays her part, with her buttons, experience, and bitterness. To achieve what? To favor those who will never appreciate this place? It’s time to stand up against this. Don’t just fly away or shuffle off. The age of the animals has come, and we will force the campers and counselors off to the cornfields on brisk, winter nights. Soon, soon, I can tell how things will be. The gorillas will be clean and have exclusive access to the hot spring-and when they want, they’ll have campers bringing them bananas and princesses named Peach. Ah, I can tell you’re all excited, and I haven’t even finished. You’re all ready to take up arms!
Now, let’s execute my plans for you. You’ll have to start with making Tuesday soup a seven-day-a-week deal for a while. Steal the supplies from the kitchen-the fruit, the nuts, and even the Honey Nut Cheerios that they favor so much on days when they can only find eyeballs saturated in milk. After a while, those campers will be weakened. What’ll they eat, corn from the fields? It’s winter! I’ll have you gorillas take the doors off their barns. With the frequent blizzards here, it won’t be long until they’re begging for warmth. They’ll want you to cuddle them with your large, furry arms. And finally, we’ll do the worst of it: we’ll take down the internet connection here. It’s the very thing that’d piss Dad off, and I know those addicted idiots wouldn’t be able to handle it. How will they stream Top Model and Idol? Heh, they’ll only get it back when they beg us for help, and they’ll realize what Sayre never has: that we really are the ones in charge of things here.
-Except I’ve overestimated your intelligence. Not that surprising. You all want to start with me? Well, if you do, I can assure you that it won’t last very long. After all, I’m not your enemy. Just like you, I’m not even getting minimum wage for this!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Megamind
Canon: Megamind (Dreamworks) (Wiki link)
Character Age: Early thirties
Job: Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy
Canon: CONTAINS SPOILERS. What if Lex Luthor finally beat Superman? Megamind is the story of an alien, sent to Earth to achieve greatness as the sole survivor of his people. He uses his time on Earth doing what he does best: being a supervillain. However, Megamind’s life takes a turn for the weird when he finally beats the superhero Metroman, and he has no hero to fight--no purpose to his life. However, as reporter Roxanne Ritchie pointed out to him, “Heroes aren’t born, they’re made”--and so Megamind resolves to create a hero that he can fight, returning to his rightful place as supervillain and putting everything back the way it was destined to be.
Megamind is a superintelligent, enormously creative drama queen who puts his life into his work as a supervillain. His nefarious inventions include his floating Brain Bots, a robotic body for his manservant Minion, and all kinds of torture devices to use on his kidnapping victims. Despite his worst intentions, though, he is truly a good guy, whose insecurities about his appearance manifest as a sort of in-your-face vanity. His belief in destiny gets in the way of him thinking of himself as anything other than a villain, a caricature of evil who is always two steps from winning. Still, he chases after that impossible win with all that he has, and finds real joy in the chase.
Note: Megamind often mispronounces words due to his total cluelessness about “normal” stuff. “Metro City” becomes “Metrosity,” “Hello” becomes “Olo,” etc.
Sample Post: MuahahahaHAHAHAHAHAH! KNEEL BEFORE ME, CITIZENS OF SHIFFOOD!--What does that say, “See”... “Seafood.” Citizens of--really? Are we sure about this?
Okay, guys? Guys! I’m really going to need you to focus here if I’m going to make this work. First of all, this formation needs... something. Not to put down the “random, seething masses” approach--I’m a fan of the classics, too--but it doesn’t really give the sense of fun that I’m used to seeing in my chaos. Maybe it’s the rotting flesh, too, I don’t know. Do you think you guys could handle a chorus line? Hat tricks for those of you with heads? No? And “zombies” just sounds so gauche, don’t you think? All of the really big names have alliteration in them--”Megamind,” “Rex Ruthor,” “Metroman”--They pack a punch, so you don’t have to, am I right? So I was thinking, “Megaminions!” Huh? Right? Alliterative and practical. You can have that one--no, go on, it’s free.
Let’s see, what else... it says here that this Seafood place has a large number of superheroes as well as supervillains. Now, I don’t want you guys to get worked up every time you see a cape or a domino mask--not everyone is worth my time! We talked about names, earlier--try to find someone who has a really cool one. I don’t want to go mano-a-mano with someone named “The Punchinator” or something like that. Preferably my rival won’t be one of those Girls of Magic, either; their banter can be so boring, and while I can be very patient, a costume-change-lightshow every time I see them is a liiiiittle much. Make sure they aren’t trying too hard! They have to live it, breathe their craft as though it were an extension of their very soul. Look to the skies, and make sure it isn’t a bird or a plane. Sometimes it’s a surprisingly easy mistake to make.
What next... “Required Secondary Powers,” “Rich Idiot With No Day Job”--Right, here we are: Rogues Gallery. Now, as we all know, what really makes a supervillain strong is not only his alarmingly good looks and raw animal magnetism. No, no! What we are looking for is a small but elite group of creative, inspired, unique supervillains with a gimmick of their very own. Obviously, we don’t need to look for another stunning supergenius or resident playboy, which narrows down the scope a fair amount. Perhaps an evil clown who tells jokes! Maybe a sultry woman with an affinity for cat-burglary! These are all amazing ideas, I hope someone is writing these down. You, there! What was I just saying?
...No, I am not just stealing these from TV Tropes. What sort of fool would willingly venture onto that website? It’s a time vampire, stealing away the hours and days from right under the hopeless victim’s nose. In fact, it’s actually part of my first Seafood evil plan. I believe the locals call it... “trolling.”
Poll Vote!
Character: Snake
Series: 999: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors (beware falling spoilers on wiki!)
Age: 24
Job: Counselor to the Disabled and Living Impaired
Canon: 999 is what happens when a Japanese game developer thinks it would be a hilariously amazing idea to make the movie SAW into a Phoenix Wright-esque point-and-click visual novel. Nine people have been kidnapped by a man known as Zero, who traps them on a sinking ship and gives them nine hours to escape. They are forced to play a life-or-death game - the Nonary Game - as they work their way through the ship's puzzles. Along the way, they attempt to uncover the mysteries behind Zero, the Nonary Game, the ship itself, and what exactly the thread that connects all of them is.
Snake is one of the participants in the Nonary Game. He works hard along with his younger sister Clover to puzzle through the multitude of mysteries that are presented to the group, often offering a great deal of insight that helps the group immensely. Due to a childhood accident, Snake is blind and has a prosthetic arm. However, he doesn't perceive either of these to be a hindrance in the slightest and uses his other senses to get by; he even cheerfully notes at one point that he's more than able to hold his own in a fight. Out of all of the participants, Snake is the calmest and most composed. He's smart, capable of pointing out logical flaws and keeping a level head even under pressure. Snake is the sage - the older brother-type that people look up to but remain distanced from in some respects. All in all, he's an amicable sort of guy, although he can come off as being a bit cavalier at times. Beneath his calm exterior, though, is a man who is always thinking and fiercely guarding what he cherishes the most - his sister. And if push comes to shove, Snake can and will do whatever is necessary to protect both her and himself.
Sample Post:
Well! When this position was initially offered to me, I must admit that I hadn't taken all the possible ways of defining portions of the job into account. I'd simply assumed that the "living impaired" part of the title was merely a part of that and not ... quite so literal. Still, a job is a job, and it wouldn't be prudent of me to slack on it just because none of you are actually living. After all, you're still in need of counseling, aren't you? And this is certainly something that I have experience with - for the most part, obviously - what with my own struggles with my blindness. ... ah, excuse me. While your offer to "help" me excel in the "living impaired" portion of my job is quite flattering, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. I'm certainly all for the technique of "picking one's brain" when it comes to problem-solving, but that's a figure of speech that we'll have to keep figurative in this instance. Speaking of problem-solving - let's institute a five-foot safety distance rule that includes any and all detachable appendages. Is that fair?
Now that we have that out of the way, let's get down to business. It's clear from a cursory inspection that many of you are suffering, and not just from a lack of nutrition. Three of you are missing one hand or the other, two more are missing ears, I believe I counted at least five of you who lack a good portion of your leg, and then there is one, ah, overachiever amongst you who has, for some unfathomable reason, managed to lose all of the above and his jaw. ... Which I know all too well since I unfortunately stepped on during said cursory inspection a few minutes ago. My apologies, but it still seems to be in fairly decent condition, all things considered. Minus a tooth or two, of course, but I suppose that's small potatoes in comparison to the rest of your condition.
In any case, while your conditions are all problematic to your unlife, you can overcome them. You see, the living dead have an advantage over the living, and that is that you can simply reattach what has been lost. Furthermore, you have the ability to use other parts of your kind to restore yourselves. It brings a new meaning to the old adage of "giving one another a hand." Now. Let's try an exercise, shall we? Look at your neighbor and discern what they are missing. Then, look at yourself. Can you help them in some way? Try it and see. That's with each other though, sir. I'm afraid I'm not a part of this exercise. Fair warning: if you continue to claw at me, I will have to enforce the "safety distance" rule and-
... Ah, I’m afraid my hand slipped. How ... unfortunate.
On second thought, let's try a different exercise. You see, our friend here has fallen to pieces in both the figurative and literal manner. It's a tragic hardship your kind will have to endure at one point or another. Let's see how fast he can pull himself together, shall we? Without a fuss, now. This is, after all, a character-building experience!
Poll Vote!
Character name: Sasha Nein
Series: Psychonauts
Age: Around 30
Job: Psychic Shrink
Canon: Psychonauts takes place in an alternate Earth where psychics are common enough for there to be an entire government agency made up of them, the titular Psychonauts. It takes place in a Psychonauts-run summer camp dedicated to teaching young psychics how to control their powers, and revolves around one young boy who snuck into the camp and is dead-set on learning all they have to teach him before his dad comes to collect him. Provided that he can convince the counselors to teach him when he isn't meant to be there, of course.
Sasha is one of these counselors, and also one of the top agents within the Psychonauts. But he doesn't have much use for his fame, and is much more interested in spending his time when he's not on missions locked up in his secret lab studying the human mind. At first glance he appears to be your stereotypical cold-blooded scientist, even using the children in the camp as subjects in his experiments, but it doesn't take long to find out that he's not as cold as he seems. Rumors swirl around camp about how campers don't make it back from his 'special training', but he actually deliberately frightens away children when it looks like an experiment's getting dangerous so they won't try getting in over their heads. If one insists on going further he won't allow them to until he's taught them how to defend themselves, and he's not above tip-toeing around the rules by giving them blatant hints on how to get permission for him to do so. Though he is very stoic and self-controlled (controlled to the point that he's able to remain fairly rational even when he's just a brain that's been pulled out of its body) he's still known to crack the occasional deadpan joke, and an interesting problem can break through the stoicism and make his passion for science obvious.
Sample Entry:
I must admit that when I was told to investigate a zombie outbreak I thought that I would arrive here and find that one of my colleagues was making a rather tasteless joke about my recent brainless state. Or possibly that a mad psychic had induced a zombie-like fugue state in his victims; you would be very surprised at how common that's becoming.
The actual zombies are a surprise. I don't think that I've ever come across anything like this before.
The implications of bodies which remain capable of locomotion after death and can continue acting on at least base-level instincts even as their brain tissue decays are absolutely fascinating! I wonder if it's possible that they seek the minds of the living because on some level they understand what they are missing and are attempting to restore it? If so then they are somehow managing to achieve higher levels of rational thought then you'll find in the living brainless; they're only ever interested in meaningless diversions.
And that's good thing for the children attending camp here, I think. Their memories of living in a camp filled with the undead will be traumatic enough without literal mindless zombies swarming the TV lounge. The metaphorical type are bad enough.
Did anyone here know any of these zombies while they were still alive? I would be very interested in speaking with anyone who could tell me if any traces of the people the deceased once were appear to remain within their decayed bodies. For instance, if you call one's name will they respond in a way which might indicate that they recognize it? Do they show any signs of recognizing you? Not attempting to attack you when they have a chance if they were a friend, perhaps, or seeming to deliberately seek you out if they disliked you? Anything you could tell me would be useful, even if it is only that everything you've seen out of them shows that they are now nothing more than a senseless brain-eating machine.
I really must arrange to have one or two shipped back to my lab. Once we're in a secure environment I will be able to safely dive into their minds, and who knows what I might find there? These creatures could be the key to unlocking secrets about life after death that we'd never dreamed of learning the answers to!
...Ah. After I secure the area to ensure no children are harmed by their presence, of course. Their safety does come first.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tony Foster
Series: The Blood-Smoke series(es?) by Tanya Huff
Character Age: 24
Job: Film production club director
Canon: Once upon a time, teenage Tony Foster lived on the streets of Toronto, Ontario, peddling his ass to survive. Then a friend, a former cop he snitched for, dragged him to donate blood to a dying vampire, and before Tony knew it he was living with said vampire (now recovered, thanks to Tony's donation), going back to school, and having an almost normal life.
Y'know, aside from having an overprotective vampire boyfriend.
Now 24 and living in Vancouver, British Columbia, Tony's found work as a production assistant on a television show about a vampire detective. He's obtained his independence (much to his now ex-boyfriend's mingled pride and dismay) and realized his calling - he wants to direct films someday. But in order to do that, first he has to survive the monsters, demons, and haunts that crop up frequently to threaten him and his city. Luckily, he's recently discovered he's a wizard, and while training himself to use his power is dangerous (he's highly unorthodox, makes a lot up as he goes), at least it gives him an edge.
But really . . . his past, his ex, his magic, and his tendency to attract spooky shit aside, Tony's just a regular - if cynical and street-smart, thanks to his past - guy. He goes to work at a job he's dedicated to, holds his furniture together with duct tape, uses a Canadian flag for a window curtain, has a massive crush on the hunky costar of the show he works on, eats spray cheese on beef jerky, and saves the world (or at least the lower mainland) from evil every few months.
Well, okay. Maybe not that regular. I mean, spray cheese on beef jerky?
Sample Post:
So, I know this isn't the first meeting of the CFUD Film Production Club, but it's the first one since I was hired, so I figure I'd better introduce myself. Hope you don't mind if I walk a little while I talk, just . . . follow me. Tony Foster, graduate of the Vancouver Film School, Trainee Assistant Director for Darkest Night, the top-rated syndicated vampire detective show in North America. And during hiatus, your director.
Now, I know you may be wondering why a simple TAD was hired to be your director, but basically . . . the woman who runs your camp is even cheaper than my boss. No, kidding. Actually, it's because she felt I had a lot of practical experience to impart to you. And I do. Working on Darkest Night has been quite an education, and it's given me very thorough experience in many areas of production. Am I boring you? I must be boring you, you're peeling off your faces.
Wow, that's . . . really good! Your costuming department is great. No, really. Those masks totally had me fooled, I had no idea you were the walking undead. Though that does explain the smell. And the flies. And the way more than half of you are missing important pieces.
Okay, yeah, I knew all along. So why didn't I just run? A few reasons! One, I was trying to figure out what sort of sick fuck puts human masks on zombies. I mean, I know you didn't come up with that on your own - no, seriously. Zombies aren't big on original thinking. So someone else must have done it and sent you here to meet me, and I was hoping I could get some hints as to who. I have this feeling that it's going to be important later.
Second, I was working on a plan. I figured the longer I kept backing away and talking, the more time I had to think. Problem with backing away is, you can't really see where you're going. So no, the part where I just got backed into a corner? Not deliberate. But I did come up with a plan while I was walking. I know you're wondering what plan could cope with being backed against an invisible barrier by a horde of undead wannabe talent, and you know what? It couldn't. Never mind the plan, it was a shitty plan. I'm gonna do something else.
That's why I'm reaching for my fly. It's not what you think! I built a spell into the zip. I figured - hey, 95% of the time I really want to disappear, I'm wearing pants. The other 5%, not even invisibility can save me from the crushing embarrassment.
Luckily for me? I'm wearing pants.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character name: Luke Castellan
Series: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Age: 23
Job: Hobo Helper
Canon: In order to stop a dangerous prophecy from coming to pass, the still-powerful Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades swear on the River Styx that they won’t have any children that could lead to the inevitable downfall of the age of the Olympians. Unfortunately, they fucked up (literally), and one day, Poseidon’s son, Percy, showed up at the demigod training center, Camp Half-Blood. Like all demigods, he has to deal with monsters, living up to expectations, and a seemingly deadbeat parent who can’t get involved because of godly rules that prevent them from openly favoring their children. But what if these very rules could be the catalyst for the gods’ downfall?
Every story needs a villain, and that’s where Luke Castellan enters the picture. When we first meet this son of Hermes, Luke is the charismatic nice guy who’s in charge of the most neglected (and often unclaimed by their parents) kids at Camp Half-Blood. Over time, his bitterness about their experiences, as well as his own, ends up helping him decide to turn against the gods to bring back the vengeful Titan father of the Olympians, Kronos, and destroy civilization itself. And he almost pulls it off! Most of his success is due to his charisma and ability to read what others want from their lives. Power, protection for a loved one, or even the chance to see someone who’s died again? He’ll promise that and more to get others on his side. And maybe some part of him actually wants them to have these things, too. Thanks to parentage from a trickster god, Luke is cunning in his motivations and slippery in his actions. However, his anger often blinds him, and it often turns his plans into flawed ones that can easily be foiled. But someone has to give him credit for trying.
Sample Entry:
It’s insulting, isn’t it?
You’ve all been faithful to her for a while. I mean, I’ve gotta hand it to you guys-the well-oiled machine of Camp Fuck You Die is impressive. But it isn’t all her button pushing that adds to the atmosphere, is it? It’s been you guys, I can tell. You’ve been the best and the most loyal, the ones who’ve been faithful to Elizabeth Sayre since the very beginning, right when she started out her experiments. But it’s obvious she’s stopped caring about you. Sure, you guys have gold stars for good performances every December and rubber brains in your stockings, but she’s just pandering to you. What about the black dye? What about the real brains? From the looks of things, those idiot campers wouldn’t miss them. She gives them everything, even someone designated to give them real homes, and I’m left wondering-what about you? How many times have you forgotten to drag a camper to breakfast? How many times have you toucans forgotten to trick a camper into believing she was born this way: a boring, good for nothing farmhand? That’s right! I know it’s never.
Elizabeth Sayre has behaved like a goddess of this place for too long! She’s not even a real god. She just plays her part, with her buttons, experience, and bitterness. To achieve what? To favor those who will never appreciate this place? It’s time to stand up against this. Don’t just fly away or shuffle off. The age of the animals has come, and we will force the campers and counselors off to the cornfields on brisk, winter nights. Soon, soon, I can tell how things will be. The gorillas will be clean and have exclusive access to the hot spring-and when they want, they’ll have campers bringing them bananas and princesses named Peach. Ah, I can tell you’re all excited, and I haven’t even finished. You’re all ready to take up arms!
Now, let’s execute my plans for you. You’ll have to start with making Tuesday soup a seven-day-a-week deal for a while. Steal the supplies from the kitchen-the fruit, the nuts, and even the Honey Nut Cheerios that they favor so much on days when they can only find eyeballs saturated in milk. After a while, those campers will be weakened. What’ll they eat, corn from the fields? It’s winter! I’ll have you gorillas take the doors off their barns. With the frequent blizzards here, it won’t be long until they’re begging for warmth. They’ll want you to cuddle them with your large, furry arms. And finally, we’ll do the worst of it: we’ll take down the internet connection here. It’s the very thing that’d piss Dad off, and I know those addicted idiots wouldn’t be able to handle it. How will they stream Top Model and Idol? Heh, they’ll only get it back when they beg us for help, and they’ll realize what Sayre never has: that we really are the ones in charge of things here.
-Except I’ve overestimated your intelligence. Not that surprising. You all want to start with me? Well, if you do, I can assure you that it won’t last very long. After all, I’m not your enemy. Just like you, I’m not even getting minimum wage for this!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Megamind
Canon: Megamind (Dreamworks) (Wiki link)
Character Age: Early thirties
Job: Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy
Canon: CONTAINS SPOILERS. What if Lex Luthor finally beat Superman? Megamind is the story of an alien, sent to Earth to achieve greatness as the sole survivor of his people. He uses his time on Earth doing what he does best: being a supervillain. However, Megamind’s life takes a turn for the weird when he finally beats the superhero Metroman, and he has no hero to fight--no purpose to his life. However, as reporter Roxanne Ritchie pointed out to him, “Heroes aren’t born, they’re made”--and so Megamind resolves to create a hero that he can fight, returning to his rightful place as supervillain and putting everything back the way it was destined to be.
Megamind is a superintelligent, enormously creative drama queen who puts his life into his work as a supervillain. His nefarious inventions include his floating Brain Bots, a robotic body for his manservant Minion, and all kinds of torture devices to use on his kidnapping victims. Despite his worst intentions, though, he is truly a good guy, whose insecurities about his appearance manifest as a sort of in-your-face vanity. His belief in destiny gets in the way of him thinking of himself as anything other than a villain, a caricature of evil who is always two steps from winning. Still, he chases after that impossible win with all that he has, and finds real joy in the chase.
Note: Megamind often mispronounces words due to his total cluelessness about “normal” stuff. “Metro City” becomes “Metrosity,” “Hello” becomes “Olo,” etc.
Sample Post: MuahahahaHAHAHAHAHAH! KNEEL BEFORE ME, CITIZENS OF SHIFFOOD!--What does that say, “See”... “Seafood.” Citizens of--really? Are we sure about this?
Okay, guys? Guys! I’m really going to need you to focus here if I’m going to make this work. First of all, this formation needs... something. Not to put down the “random, seething masses” approach--I’m a fan of the classics, too--but it doesn’t really give the sense of fun that I’m used to seeing in my chaos. Maybe it’s the rotting flesh, too, I don’t know. Do you think you guys could handle a chorus line? Hat tricks for those of you with heads? No? And “zombies” just sounds so gauche, don’t you think? All of the really big names have alliteration in them--”Megamind,” “Rex Ruthor,” “Metroman”--They pack a punch, so you don’t have to, am I right? So I was thinking, “Megaminions!” Huh? Right? Alliterative and practical. You can have that one--no, go on, it’s free.
Let’s see, what else... it says here that this Seafood place has a large number of superheroes as well as supervillains. Now, I don’t want you guys to get worked up every time you see a cape or a domino mask--not everyone is worth my time! We talked about names, earlier--try to find someone who has a really cool one. I don’t want to go mano-a-mano with someone named “The Punchinator” or something like that. Preferably my rival won’t be one of those Girls of Magic, either; their banter can be so boring, and while I can be very patient, a costume-change-lightshow every time I see them is a liiiiittle much. Make sure they aren’t trying too hard! They have to live it, breathe their craft as though it were an extension of their very soul. Look to the skies, and make sure it isn’t a bird or a plane. Sometimes it’s a surprisingly easy mistake to make.
What next... “Required Secondary Powers,” “Rich Idiot With No Day Job”--Right, here we are: Rogues Gallery. Now, as we all know, what really makes a supervillain strong is not only his alarmingly good looks and raw animal magnetism. No, no! What we are looking for is a small but elite group of creative, inspired, unique supervillains with a gimmick of their very own. Obviously, we don’t need to look for another stunning supergenius or resident playboy, which narrows down the scope a fair amount. Perhaps an evil clown who tells jokes! Maybe a sultry woman with an affinity for cat-burglary! These are all amazing ideas, I hope someone is writing these down. You, there! What was I just saying?
...No, I am not just stealing these from TV Tropes. What sort of fool would willingly venture onto that website? It’s a time vampire, stealing away the hours and days from right under the hopeless victim’s nose. In fact, it’s actually part of my first Seafood evil plan. I believe the locals call it... “trolling.”
Poll Vote!
Character: Snake
Series: 999: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors (beware falling spoilers on wiki!)
Age: 24
Job: Counselor to the Disabled and Living Impaired
Canon: 999 is what happens when a Japanese game developer thinks it would be a hilariously amazing idea to make the movie SAW into a Phoenix Wright-esque point-and-click visual novel. Nine people have been kidnapped by a man known as Zero, who traps them on a sinking ship and gives them nine hours to escape. They are forced to play a life-or-death game - the Nonary Game - as they work their way through the ship's puzzles. Along the way, they attempt to uncover the mysteries behind Zero, the Nonary Game, the ship itself, and what exactly the thread that connects all of them is.
Snake is one of the participants in the Nonary Game. He works hard along with his younger sister Clover to puzzle through the multitude of mysteries that are presented to the group, often offering a great deal of insight that helps the group immensely. Due to a childhood accident, Snake is blind and has a prosthetic arm. However, he doesn't perceive either of these to be a hindrance in the slightest and uses his other senses to get by; he even cheerfully notes at one point that he's more than able to hold his own in a fight. Out of all of the participants, Snake is the calmest and most composed. He's smart, capable of pointing out logical flaws and keeping a level head even under pressure. Snake is the sage - the older brother-type that people look up to but remain distanced from in some respects. All in all, he's an amicable sort of guy, although he can come off as being a bit cavalier at times. Beneath his calm exterior, though, is a man who is always thinking and fiercely guarding what he cherishes the most - his sister. And if push comes to shove, Snake can and will do whatever is necessary to protect both her and himself.
Sample Post:
Well! When this position was initially offered to me, I must admit that I hadn't taken all the possible ways of defining portions of the job into account. I'd simply assumed that the "living impaired" part of the title was merely a part of that and not ... quite so literal. Still, a job is a job, and it wouldn't be prudent of me to slack on it just because none of you are actually living. After all, you're still in need of counseling, aren't you? And this is certainly something that I have experience with - for the most part, obviously - what with my own struggles with my blindness. ... ah, excuse me. While your offer to "help" me excel in the "living impaired" portion of my job is quite flattering, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. I'm certainly all for the technique of "picking one's brain" when it comes to problem-solving, but that's a figure of speech that we'll have to keep figurative in this instance. Speaking of problem-solving - let's institute a five-foot safety distance rule that includes any and all detachable appendages. Is that fair?
Now that we have that out of the way, let's get down to business. It's clear from a cursory inspection that many of you are suffering, and not just from a lack of nutrition. Three of you are missing one hand or the other, two more are missing ears, I believe I counted at least five of you who lack a good portion of your leg, and then there is one, ah, overachiever amongst you who has, for some unfathomable reason, managed to lose all of the above and his jaw. ... Which I know all too well since I unfortunately stepped on during said cursory inspection a few minutes ago. My apologies, but it still seems to be in fairly decent condition, all things considered. Minus a tooth or two, of course, but I suppose that's small potatoes in comparison to the rest of your condition.
In any case, while your conditions are all problematic to your unlife, you can overcome them. You see, the living dead have an advantage over the living, and that is that you can simply reattach what has been lost. Furthermore, you have the ability to use other parts of your kind to restore yourselves. It brings a new meaning to the old adage of "giving one another a hand." Now. Let's try an exercise, shall we? Look at your neighbor and discern what they are missing. Then, look at yourself. Can you help them in some way? Try it and see. That's with each other though, sir. I'm afraid I'm not a part of this exercise. Fair warning: if you continue to claw at me, I will have to enforce the "safety distance" rule and-
... Ah, I’m afraid my hand slipped. How ... unfortunate.
On second thought, let's try a different exercise. You see, our friend here has fallen to pieces in both the figurative and literal manner. It's a tragic hardship your kind will have to endure at one point or another. Let's see how fast he can pull himself together, shall we? Without a fuss, now. This is, after all, a character-building experience!
Poll Vote!
Character name: Sasha Nein
Series: Psychonauts
Age: Around 30
Job: Psychic Shrink
Canon: Psychonauts takes place in an alternate Earth where psychics are common enough for there to be an entire government agency made up of them, the titular Psychonauts. It takes place in a Psychonauts-run summer camp dedicated to teaching young psychics how to control their powers, and revolves around one young boy who snuck into the camp and is dead-set on learning all they have to teach him before his dad comes to collect him. Provided that he can convince the counselors to teach him when he isn't meant to be there, of course.
Sasha is one of these counselors, and also one of the top agents within the Psychonauts. But he doesn't have much use for his fame, and is much more interested in spending his time when he's not on missions locked up in his secret lab studying the human mind. At first glance he appears to be your stereotypical cold-blooded scientist, even using the children in the camp as subjects in his experiments, but it doesn't take long to find out that he's not as cold as he seems. Rumors swirl around camp about how campers don't make it back from his 'special training', but he actually deliberately frightens away children when it looks like an experiment's getting dangerous so they won't try getting in over their heads. If one insists on going further he won't allow them to until he's taught them how to defend themselves, and he's not above tip-toeing around the rules by giving them blatant hints on how to get permission for him to do so. Though he is very stoic and self-controlled (controlled to the point that he's able to remain fairly rational even when he's just a brain that's been pulled out of its body) he's still known to crack the occasional deadpan joke, and an interesting problem can break through the stoicism and make his passion for science obvious.
Sample Entry:
I must admit that when I was told to investigate a zombie outbreak I thought that I would arrive here and find that one of my colleagues was making a rather tasteless joke about my recent brainless state. Or possibly that a mad psychic had induced a zombie-like fugue state in his victims; you would be very surprised at how common that's becoming.
The actual zombies are a surprise. I don't think that I've ever come across anything like this before.
The implications of bodies which remain capable of locomotion after death and can continue acting on at least base-level instincts even as their brain tissue decays are absolutely fascinating! I wonder if it's possible that they seek the minds of the living because on some level they understand what they are missing and are attempting to restore it? If so then they are somehow managing to achieve higher levels of rational thought then you'll find in the living brainless; they're only ever interested in meaningless diversions.
And that's good thing for the children attending camp here, I think. Their memories of living in a camp filled with the undead will be traumatic enough without literal mindless zombies swarming the TV lounge. The metaphorical type are bad enough.
Did anyone here know any of these zombies while they were still alive? I would be very interested in speaking with anyone who could tell me if any traces of the people the deceased once were appear to remain within their decayed bodies. For instance, if you call one's name will they respond in a way which might indicate that they recognize it? Do they show any signs of recognizing you? Not attempting to attack you when they have a chance if they were a friend, perhaps, or seeming to deliberately seek you out if they disliked you? Anything you could tell me would be useful, even if it is only that everything you've seen out of them shows that they are now nothing more than a senseless brain-eating machine.
I really must arrange to have one or two shipped back to my lab. Once we're in a secure environment I will be able to safely dive into their minds, and who knows what I might find there? These creatures could be the key to unlocking secrets about life after death that we'd never dreamed of learning the answers to!
...Ah. After I secure the area to ensure no children are harmed by their presence, of course. Their safety does come first.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tony Foster
Series: The Blood-Smoke series(es?) by Tanya Huff
Character Age: 24
Job: Film production club director
Canon: Once upon a time, teenage Tony Foster lived on the streets of Toronto, Ontario, peddling his ass to survive. Then a friend, a former cop he snitched for, dragged him to donate blood to a dying vampire, and before Tony knew it he was living with said vampire (now recovered, thanks to Tony's donation), going back to school, and having an almost normal life.
Y'know, aside from having an overprotective vampire boyfriend.
Now 24 and living in Vancouver, British Columbia, Tony's found work as a production assistant on a television show about a vampire detective. He's obtained his independence (much to his now ex-boyfriend's mingled pride and dismay) and realized his calling - he wants to direct films someday. But in order to do that, first he has to survive the monsters, demons, and haunts that crop up frequently to threaten him and his city. Luckily, he's recently discovered he's a wizard, and while training himself to use his power is dangerous (he's highly unorthodox, makes a lot up as he goes), at least it gives him an edge.
But really . . . his past, his ex, his magic, and his tendency to attract spooky shit aside, Tony's just a regular - if cynical and street-smart, thanks to his past - guy. He goes to work at a job he's dedicated to, holds his furniture together with duct tape, uses a Canadian flag for a window curtain, has a massive crush on the hunky costar of the show he works on, eats spray cheese on beef jerky, and saves the world (or at least the lower mainland) from evil every few months.
Well, okay. Maybe not that regular. I mean, spray cheese on beef jerky?
Sample Post:
So, I know this isn't the first meeting of the CFUD Film Production Club, but it's the first one since I was hired, so I figure I'd better introduce myself. Hope you don't mind if I walk a little while I talk, just . . . follow me. Tony Foster, graduate of the Vancouver Film School, Trainee Assistant Director for Darkest Night, the top-rated syndicated vampire detective show in North America. And during hiatus, your director.
Now, I know you may be wondering why a simple TAD was hired to be your director, but basically . . . the woman who runs your camp is even cheaper than my boss. No, kidding. Actually, it's because she felt I had a lot of practical experience to impart to you. And I do. Working on Darkest Night has been quite an education, and it's given me very thorough experience in many areas of production. Am I boring you? I must be boring you, you're peeling off your faces.
Wow, that's . . . really good! Your costuming department is great. No, really. Those masks totally had me fooled, I had no idea you were the walking undead. Though that does explain the smell. And the flies. And the way more than half of you are missing important pieces.
Okay, yeah, I knew all along. So why didn't I just run? A few reasons! One, I was trying to figure out what sort of sick fuck puts human masks on zombies. I mean, I know you didn't come up with that on your own - no, seriously. Zombies aren't big on original thinking. So someone else must have done it and sent you here to meet me, and I was hoping I could get some hints as to who. I have this feeling that it's going to be important later.
Second, I was working on a plan. I figured the longer I kept backing away and talking, the more time I had to think. Problem with backing away is, you can't really see where you're going. So no, the part where I just got backed into a corner? Not deliberate. But I did come up with a plan while I was walking. I know you're wondering what plan could cope with being backed against an invisible barrier by a horde of undead wannabe talent, and you know what? It couldn't. Never mind the plan, it was a shitty plan. I'm gonna do something else.
That's why I'm reaching for my fly. It's not what you think! I built a spell into the zip. I figured - hey, 95% of the time I really want to disappear, I'm wearing pants. The other 5%, not even invisibility can save me from the crushing embarrassment.
Luckily for me? I'm wearing pants.
Poll Vote!