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Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED FINALLY!!
Character: Private First Class Dick Simmons
Series: Red vs. Blue
Character Age: Over 21
Job: Positive Reinforcement and Science Officer
Affiliation: Red Team
Race: Unconfirmed Dutch-Irish
Canon: Red vs. Blue is an internet series about two groups of soldiers who are fighting a civil war in a box canyon, seemingly for no reason beyond to have two bases in the box canyon. Yeah, they realize how ridiculous that sounds, well mostly. As such, most of the combatants spend most of their time doing anything but combat, and when they do- they're largely ineffectual. As such, the battle of two bases continues on, pitting the Red Team verses the Blue Team. Though never forgetting its humor roots, the series does become more serious the further in you go.
Private First class Dick Simmons, usually shortened to 'Simmons' for brevity, is a brown-nosing cyborg with father issues... for brevity. Somewhat of a nerd, Simmons seems to have more than a cursory knowledge of physics and a fairly strong competency in the realm of computers, often explaining in detail when asked even when he knows that nobody will understand. He also tends to ruin his own jokes, not that they were particularly good, by over explaining them as well, further continuing the nerd analogy.
In a way, he's that kid you knew back in middle school who always raised his hand for every question, constantly vying for the love and support of the teacher, even to the point of agreeing to any dumb operation that he knew was going to fail from the start, and when given authority goes power crazy. We all knew that kid, right? Not just me?
Sample Post:
Hi! I'm Private First Class Dick Simmons and I'm here to teach you how to combat depression. Depression is no laughing matter. Heheh. Depression? No laughing matter? It's a joke? I thought you were supposed to start off these kinds of speeches with a joke.
Getting back on topic, depressed individuals have a shorter life expectancy, and not just because they tend to take matters into their own hands, mouths, necks and wrists. Science has shown that you have a heightened risk for heart disease and other conditions too! Given this knowledge, it's pretty important that all recruits have more than just a cursory knowledge on symptoms and how to treat it!
Now, I know what you're thinking, and no, you can't shoot it out of someone. Oh, so THAT makes you laugh. That wasn't a joke though... we tried that once, it was uh, messy. I didn't think it was going to work either, no matter how many smiley faces we drew on the bullets. I mean, even if by some freak occurance and the idea wasn't flawed from the start, the bullets would just keep going, they wouldn't even have time to do anything! Depression doesn't have an instant cure, you know!
Now, some signs of depression to look for in your fellow teammates are as follows:
* Decreased Interest
* Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt
* Being Sad
Wow, three for three. Tell me something I didn't know. No, recruit, I don't want to talk about it! Let's see, treatment for depression typically includes antidepressants and/or therapy... lists of medicines, yadda yadda... huh, it lists electric shock therapy as a possibility too. I guess that's why they issued me a taser. Let's see, just press it up against the skin and- that's right, suck it blues! I feel better already!
What do you mean I'm the one that's supposed to be shocked? Let's not go around changing what is obviously working here. Zap! Ha ha! That's what you get for arguing with science!
Poll Vote!
Character: Tachibana Sakuya
Series: Kamen Rider Blade
Character Age: 25-ish
Job: Biological Research Counselor
Canon: In the beginning, there were beings called Undead (who weren't zombies). The 53 of them fought until there was only one left, and that was the Human Undead, who thus inherited the earth. (Worst Creation myth ever.) Fast forward ten thousand years, and the sealed Undead are released by a mad scientist FOR SCIENCE. Enter Tachibana Sakuya, formerly a researcher, ally of JUSTICE who fights and seals Undead, protecting human beings from Undead attack!
Or so the theory goes, anyway. Tachibana, while normally a quiet, self-reliant, capable man, is also very proud, to the point where he would aid an Undead in exchange for a drug that allows him to fight better. His fiance and friends helped him get over that, which cultivated in Tachibana a strong sense of comraderie. That comraderie eventually clashed with his pragmatism, leading him to a dilemma where he had to choose between killing a man for the sake of ~the world~ or letting the man go. He eventually chooses to believe in his friends' belief in the man and let the man go, which cost Tachibana his life. ...He got better.
Sample Post: Sports Equipment, Supression Equipment, Labs.... Human Resources, here it is. Excuse me. Excuse me! Sorry it took so long to get here; I was delayed by a bus that had run off the road. This is a nice facility you have here. More...organic than I'm used to, but it does have...a certain atmosphere. Filled with biological specimens, I see. And the emphasis on propagation resulting in the ultimate end of the species.... Though I do think the name is too slang-oriented. This is serious and should be taken seriously. Ah--but that's not for me to criticize, is it? I apologize.
Oh, excuse me, I'm Tachibana Sakuya, Biological Research Counselor. I don't normally teach, but my late fiance...I think she would have liked this. Helping people in a quiet way, like a flower by the roadside....
Ah--I'm sorry, I'm not normally this spacey. I lost a friend recently. No, not his life. Something even more important. That's the difference between he and I.... No, not his virginity, either. What are you thinking? I know this camp is focused on propagation, but-- What are you doing? No, that's all right; I already took my physical. Let go of those scissors. Let go of my shirt!
. . .
Erhem. Are you the head of Human Resources?! We need to have a serious discussion about the practices of your underlings. First of all, coordination. It should already be on file that I already took a physical when I applied for this job! Your employee should call or notify someone if he weren't sure, not insist on giving me a new one! And another thing--! ...Why are you... Is something wrong with my hand? Sir? Are you all right? Why are you moaning? Where does it hurt?
No, it can't be...! Human Resources is a lie!
Poll Vote!
Character: Gunpei Ishihara
Series: Engine Sentai Go-Onger
Character Age: 24
Job: Camp Security Guard
Canon: In search of a perfectly polluted world in which to live, the three Pollution Ministers of Machine World, known as Gaiark, target Human World (Earth) as their new home, and upon arrival begin doing to dirty the air, soil, and water. Being natural enemies of the Gaiark, Engines (read: huge, talking cars) from Machine World follow them into the new dimension. Three teens are chosen by a robot named Bomper, and by mixing these unlikely comrades and Engines, a not so perfect team is created. Through various means, the Go-Ongers (read: teens in spandex) are formed in order to fight these intruders alongside the Engines.
Gunpei Ishihara, the oldest of the Go-Ongers, began as a police officer who quit the force after he learned that they would not fight the Gaiark. Gunpei attempts to establish himself as the most mature and professional out of the group, while berating them for being naïve and unfit to fight. As a former cop, he takes himself and everything in general super seriously, to an absolutely stupid point. As he begins to develop a respect for his friends, he also begins to reveal his childish side, though still incessantly trying to show off; be it taking off his shirt for just about no reason, or breaking out into unattractive dances out of excitement. Despite his silly interior, Gunpei becomes the unlikely father figure of the Go-Ongers.
Sample Post:
It’s dark out today - that could possibly be due to my sunglasses, but that is barely even relevant. There are bigger things happening, dangerous things. I can feel it in the putrid air; there are criminals on the loose tonight. And where there’s someone to be arrested, I will be there as well, in the shadows. …When the sun sets, that is. I’m the hero this camp needs.
This is serious. It will take all of my hard-boiled knowledge to solve this crime; luckily I am prepared. I can do this! First, find the victim in question, and interrogate until I know every tiny detail of this brutal crime. I’m in luck - there are bodies everywhere, granted half of them are still in their last stages of life. I would hate to impose on such a delicate mome- Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there, miss. You look horrible! Who did this to you? Tell me!
She doesn’t seem too interested in speaking with me. This might possibly be due to her lack of a jaw, but I can never be absolutely sure. I’m willing to bet she’s hiding something from me. Hey! Miss! The handcuffs are going on! Don’t you dare struggle! You’re in my custody now! One on my hand, the other on your wris- oh. Your hand seems to have fallen off. Ah! Did you think you could trick me that easily? But you’re pretty awestruck at that severed hand. To be honest, it’s bothering me as we- No, don’t eat that! It’s evidence…! Miss, I’m going to confiscate your hand until you can calm down.
Your general lack of flesh is quite handy at the moment, if not slightly suspicious. You won’t mind if I just snap this between your wrist bon- dammit. I bet you think this is funny, don’t you? Just wait. You’ll run out of limbs eventually.
Poll Vote!
Character: Toni Ipres
Series: Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name
Age: Early 20s
Job: Camp Bloodhound
Canon: Sometimes, when you've woken up to discover you have no idea why you're a zombie, or when you find your apartment invaded by the sassiest bat, you need someone with paranormal experience. Someone capable and competent -- unfortunately, Hanna Cross (who surprisingly is not a girl!) is neither of those things, but he makes up for it with eagerness, optimism, and a hammer. Also an accidental posse including a vampire, a half-selkie, and a werewolf, among others.
Toni is a woman who can back up her bark with some bite. She’s clever and quick -- also, she’s a werewolf. Though until her talisman gets fixed, she can only transform into her full form during the full moon (though her lesser blue puppy form is adorable.) Toni is cheerful and outgoing, and with her bright blue mohawk and lipstick, she isn’t really afraid of attracting stares. She’s passionate and driven when it comes to both her art and her friends; she may be stubborn at times, but she’s incredibly loyal, and always willing to put up a fight.
Sample Post:
Um, Madam Director? Do not walk away from me! Oh, no, the Director definitely wasn’t decaying. Well, maybe you can help me instead. Hi, I’m Toni! I think there's been a biiit of a mistake here. Or just a misunderstanding! See, when I accepted this job, as "Camp Bloodhound" I thought "nosing around" meant something more fun, more... detective-like! You know, going around, collecting clues, solving this murder people were talking about. I didn't think it meant handing me endless piles of really gross stuff and expecting me to find out who or where they came from. Speaking of where things came from, those clothes clearly haven’t been washed in this decade, so you need to move them out of here before the stench knocks someone out.
Okay! As I was saying, even if I did sign up to track people by scent for the next eight weeks -- it is eight right? It kind of looked like it was the infinity symbol, but I'm guessing that was a printer error. -- anyway, even if I did agree to track lost campers, which by the way should not involve me sticking my nose into stuff this nasty, it's a really ineffective system for a person to sniff things out. I mean, I’m guessing you lose kids in the cornfields a lot here if you have to hire someone specialized, but uh... wouldn’t organizing search parties be better? Or getting real bloodhounds. Just a thought.
I’m not trying to sound ungrateful! I’m just saying the Director’s barking up the wrong tree with this -- oh, that was terrible. --Er, nevermind, ignore that. I’m just saying that maybe I could -- actually no, I am going to do something else here. Something with less chewed up shoes, less nasty gym socks, and less questionable looking boxers. On the list of things I’m willing to do for cash, sticking my nose in someone’s "business" doesn’t even make it into the top thousand.
Oh, I’ve got an idea! I’ll just work on that murder mystery! I actually have some experience in doing that. Mr. Cross could put in a good recommendation for me. So uh... think you can help me sort this out? Oh, you’re... literally throwing me a bone. Creepy, but kind of cute -- not for any particular reason! Just cute!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED FINALLY!!
Character: Private First Class Dick Simmons
Series: Red vs. Blue
Character Age: Over 21
Job: Positive Reinforcement and Science Officer
Affiliation: Red Team
Race: Unconfirmed Dutch-Irish
Canon: Red vs. Blue is an internet series about two groups of soldiers who are fighting a civil war in a box canyon, seemingly for no reason beyond to have two bases in the box canyon. Yeah, they realize how ridiculous that sounds, well mostly. As such, most of the combatants spend most of their time doing anything but combat, and when they do- they're largely ineffectual. As such, the battle of two bases continues on, pitting the Red Team verses the Blue Team. Though never forgetting its humor roots, the series does become more serious the further in you go.
Private First class Dick Simmons, usually shortened to 'Simmons' for brevity, is a brown-nosing cyborg with father issues... for brevity. Somewhat of a nerd, Simmons seems to have more than a cursory knowledge of physics and a fairly strong competency in the realm of computers, often explaining in detail when asked even when he knows that nobody will understand. He also tends to ruin his own jokes, not that they were particularly good, by over explaining them as well, further continuing the nerd analogy.
In a way, he's that kid you knew back in middle school who always raised his hand for every question, constantly vying for the love and support of the teacher, even to the point of agreeing to any dumb operation that he knew was going to fail from the start, and when given authority goes power crazy. We all knew that kid, right? Not just me?
Sample Post:
Hi! I'm Private First Class Dick Simmons and I'm here to teach you how to combat depression. Depression is no laughing matter. Heheh. Depression? No laughing matter? It's a joke? I thought you were supposed to start off these kinds of speeches with a joke.
Getting back on topic, depressed individuals have a shorter life expectancy, and not just because they tend to take matters into their own hands, mouths, necks and wrists. Science has shown that you have a heightened risk for heart disease and other conditions too! Given this knowledge, it's pretty important that all recruits have more than just a cursory knowledge on symptoms and how to treat it!
Now, I know what you're thinking, and no, you can't shoot it out of someone. Oh, so THAT makes you laugh. That wasn't a joke though... we tried that once, it was uh, messy. I didn't think it was going to work either, no matter how many smiley faces we drew on the bullets. I mean, even if by some freak occurance and the idea wasn't flawed from the start, the bullets would just keep going, they wouldn't even have time to do anything! Depression doesn't have an instant cure, you know!
Now, some signs of depression to look for in your fellow teammates are as follows:
* Decreased Interest
* Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt
* Being Sad
Wow, three for three. Tell me something I didn't know. No, recruit, I don't want to talk about it! Let's see, treatment for depression typically includes antidepressants and/or therapy... lists of medicines, yadda yadda... huh, it lists electric shock therapy as a possibility too. I guess that's why they issued me a taser. Let's see, just press it up against the skin and- that's right, suck it blues! I feel better already!
What do you mean I'm the one that's supposed to be shocked? Let's not go around changing what is obviously working here. Zap! Ha ha! That's what you get for arguing with science!
Poll Vote!
Character: Tachibana Sakuya
Series: Kamen Rider Blade
Character Age: 25-ish
Job: Biological Research Counselor
Canon: In the beginning, there were beings called Undead (who weren't zombies). The 53 of them fought until there was only one left, and that was the Human Undead, who thus inherited the earth. (Worst Creation myth ever.) Fast forward ten thousand years, and the sealed Undead are released by a mad scientist FOR SCIENCE. Enter Tachibana Sakuya, formerly a researcher, ally of JUSTICE who fights and seals Undead, protecting human beings from Undead attack!
Or so the theory goes, anyway. Tachibana, while normally a quiet, self-reliant, capable man, is also very proud, to the point where he would aid an Undead in exchange for a drug that allows him to fight better. His fiance and friends helped him get over that, which cultivated in Tachibana a strong sense of comraderie. That comraderie eventually clashed with his pragmatism, leading him to a dilemma where he had to choose between killing a man for the sake of ~the world~ or letting the man go. He eventually chooses to believe in his friends' belief in the man and let the man go, which cost Tachibana his life. ...He got better.
Sample Post: Sports Equipment, Supression Equipment, Labs.... Human Resources, here it is. Excuse me. Excuse me! Sorry it took so long to get here; I was delayed by a bus that had run off the road. This is a nice facility you have here. More...organic than I'm used to, but it does have...a certain atmosphere. Filled with biological specimens, I see. And the emphasis on propagation resulting in the ultimate end of the species.... Though I do think the name is too slang-oriented. This is serious and should be taken seriously. Ah--but that's not for me to criticize, is it? I apologize.
Oh, excuse me, I'm Tachibana Sakuya, Biological Research Counselor. I don't normally teach, but my late fiance...I think she would have liked this. Helping people in a quiet way, like a flower by the roadside....
Ah--I'm sorry, I'm not normally this spacey. I lost a friend recently. No, not his life. Something even more important. That's the difference between he and I.... No, not his virginity, either. What are you thinking? I know this camp is focused on propagation, but-- What are you doing? No, that's all right; I already took my physical. Let go of those scissors. Let go of my shirt!
. . .
Erhem. Are you the head of Human Resources?! We need to have a serious discussion about the practices of your underlings. First of all, coordination. It should already be on file that I already took a physical when I applied for this job! Your employee should call or notify someone if he weren't sure, not insist on giving me a new one! And another thing--! ...Why are you... Is something wrong with my hand? Sir? Are you all right? Why are you moaning? Where does it hurt?
No, it can't be...! Human Resources is a lie!
Poll Vote!
Character: Gunpei Ishihara
Series: Engine Sentai Go-Onger
Character Age: 24
Job: Camp Security Guard
Canon: In search of a perfectly polluted world in which to live, the three Pollution Ministers of Machine World, known as Gaiark, target Human World (Earth) as their new home, and upon arrival begin doing to dirty the air, soil, and water. Being natural enemies of the Gaiark, Engines (read: huge, talking cars) from Machine World follow them into the new dimension. Three teens are chosen by a robot named Bomper, and by mixing these unlikely comrades and Engines, a not so perfect team is created. Through various means, the Go-Ongers (read: teens in spandex) are formed in order to fight these intruders alongside the Engines.
Gunpei Ishihara, the oldest of the Go-Ongers, began as a police officer who quit the force after he learned that they would not fight the Gaiark. Gunpei attempts to establish himself as the most mature and professional out of the group, while berating them for being naïve and unfit to fight. As a former cop, he takes himself and everything in general super seriously, to an absolutely stupid point. As he begins to develop a respect for his friends, he also begins to reveal his childish side, though still incessantly trying to show off; be it taking off his shirt for just about no reason, or breaking out into unattractive dances out of excitement. Despite his silly interior, Gunpei becomes the unlikely father figure of the Go-Ongers.
Sample Post:
It’s dark out today - that could possibly be due to my sunglasses, but that is barely even relevant. There are bigger things happening, dangerous things. I can feel it in the putrid air; there are criminals on the loose tonight. And where there’s someone to be arrested, I will be there as well, in the shadows. …When the sun sets, that is. I’m the hero this camp needs.
This is serious. It will take all of my hard-boiled knowledge to solve this crime; luckily I am prepared. I can do this! First, find the victim in question, and interrogate until I know every tiny detail of this brutal crime. I’m in luck - there are bodies everywhere, granted half of them are still in their last stages of life. I would hate to impose on such a delicate mome- Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there, miss. You look horrible! Who did this to you? Tell me!
She doesn’t seem too interested in speaking with me. This might possibly be due to her lack of a jaw, but I can never be absolutely sure. I’m willing to bet she’s hiding something from me. Hey! Miss! The handcuffs are going on! Don’t you dare struggle! You’re in my custody now! One on my hand, the other on your wris- oh. Your hand seems to have fallen off. Ah! Did you think you could trick me that easily? But you’re pretty awestruck at that severed hand. To be honest, it’s bothering me as we- No, don’t eat that! It’s evidence…! Miss, I’m going to confiscate your hand until you can calm down.
Your general lack of flesh is quite handy at the moment, if not slightly suspicious. You won’t mind if I just snap this between your wrist bon- dammit. I bet you think this is funny, don’t you? Just wait. You’ll run out of limbs eventually.
Poll Vote!
Character: Toni Ipres
Series: Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name
Age: Early 20s
Job: Camp Bloodhound
Canon: Sometimes, when you've woken up to discover you have no idea why you're a zombie, or when you find your apartment invaded by the sassiest bat, you need someone with paranormal experience. Someone capable and competent -- unfortunately, Hanna Cross (who surprisingly is not a girl!) is neither of those things, but he makes up for it with eagerness, optimism, and a hammer. Also an accidental posse including a vampire, a half-selkie, and a werewolf, among others.
Toni is a woman who can back up her bark with some bite. She’s clever and quick -- also, she’s a werewolf. Though until her talisman gets fixed, she can only transform into her full form during the full moon (though her lesser blue puppy form is adorable.) Toni is cheerful and outgoing, and with her bright blue mohawk and lipstick, she isn’t really afraid of attracting stares. She’s passionate and driven when it comes to both her art and her friends; she may be stubborn at times, but she’s incredibly loyal, and always willing to put up a fight.
Sample Post:
Um, Madam Director? Do not walk away from me! Oh, no, the Director definitely wasn’t decaying. Well, maybe you can help me instead. Hi, I’m Toni! I think there's been a biiit of a mistake here. Or just a misunderstanding! See, when I accepted this job, as "Camp Bloodhound" I thought "nosing around" meant something more fun, more... detective-like! You know, going around, collecting clues, solving this murder people were talking about. I didn't think it meant handing me endless piles of really gross stuff and expecting me to find out who or where they came from. Speaking of where things came from, those clothes clearly haven’t been washed in this decade, so you need to move them out of here before the stench knocks someone out.
Okay! As I was saying, even if I did sign up to track people by scent for the next eight weeks -- it is eight right? It kind of looked like it was the infinity symbol, but I'm guessing that was a printer error. -- anyway, even if I did agree to track lost campers, which by the way should not involve me sticking my nose into stuff this nasty, it's a really ineffective system for a person to sniff things out. I mean, I’m guessing you lose kids in the cornfields a lot here if you have to hire someone specialized, but uh... wouldn’t organizing search parties be better? Or getting real bloodhounds. Just a thought.
I’m not trying to sound ungrateful! I’m just saying the Director’s barking up the wrong tree with this -- oh, that was terrible. --Er, nevermind, ignore that. I’m just saying that maybe I could -- actually no, I am going to do something else here. Something with less chewed up shoes, less nasty gym socks, and less questionable looking boxers. On the list of things I’m willing to do for cash, sticking my nose in someone’s "business" doesn’t even make it into the top thousand.
Oh, I’ve got an idea! I’ll just work on that murder mystery! I actually have some experience in doing that. Mr. Cross could put in a good recommendation for me. So uh... think you can help me sort this out? Oh, you’re... literally throwing me a bone. Creepy, but kind of cute -- not for any particular reason! Just cute!
Poll Vote!