(no subject)
More campers! There's a dup at the end of this one. Juri's round is still open, so please vote there too!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. FINALLY CLOSED.
Character: Alani Ryan, “Loa”
Series: Marvel Comics
Character Age: 16
Canon: Change is the only constant in the universe. We hear this all the time, but that doesn’t exactly stop us from fighting it in our own lives, does it? So when evolution takes an unexpected leap forward and mankind finds that its place at the top of the natural order may be taken by a superior race of humans within a few generations, well... Let’s put it this way. The X-Men, the group established to teach these young mutants how to use their abilities responsibly and help to ensure the peaceful coexistence of all people, has now basically been kicked out of America and is barely clinging to life.
And not all of them are jumping at the chance to beat up bad guys and save the world on a daily basis. Some are more like Loa, who has never quite gotten over being intimidated by the destructive nature of her ability and avoids using it whenever possible. After all that her people have lost, she’s very protective of the friends she has left and doesn’t let anything stand in her way once she’s set her mind to something, but in her heart Loa’s still a lot more fun-loving surfer than ass-kicking hero. She likes things laidback and light-hearted, and she’s learned to rarely hold back what she’s thinking, whether that means just being her big-hearted friendly self, making stubborn idiots listen to reason, or dropping amusing (and genre-savvy) comments on all the ridiculousness going on around her. Because somebody has to admit the obvious fact that life with actual superheroes is simultaneously awesome, terrible, and very very silly. Though really, if it takes another evil invasion or surprise trip to Hell to see the cool stuff? She’d rather just be goofing off somewhere safe with all the people she cares about. You know, eating junk food, having dorky debates about movies, maybe reading some... obscure and potentially less than safe books on dark magic, hideous monsters, and undersea cities?
Well, everybody has to have a hobby.
Sample Post:
Mmmm...! You know what, Mr. Tastee? I don’t care what those whiny toucans say. For a one-eyed, one-armed guy who may or may not even have a tongue, you sure know how to throw an ice cream party. Who cares if a few of the flavors have a tentacle or two sticking out, right? They’re about as sinister as the effect that made that bite of the Tutti Frutti-tasting stuff look like it winked at me. It’s all just part of the wicked Lovecraft theme, and I’m not leaving until I’ve had a taste of all 32 Flavors of Madness! Haha, it’s not like you would really get dessert recipes from the Necronomicon or anything. That’d be ridiculous.
Hey, what’s with the guilty look all of a sudden? ...aw dude, c’mon. Please tell me you didn’t. How many times do I have to explain this to people? Just because it has “nom” in the name, that doesn’t make it a cookbook!
Great. Now I have to worry about this whole thing being part of some spell to summon a brain-eating Eldritch abomination from the depths of the Non-Euclidian Caramel Swirl or something. Well, okay, considering what you’re used to around here, maybe anything “brain-eating” is a bad example of a credible threat, but there’s no way this is ending without a fight, or at least some kind of crazy Twilight Zone sanity-melty stuff. Just look at these flavor names: Bloodberry Cheesecake, Mint Chocolate Cthulhu Fhtagn, Bodacious Black Frozen Sorrow, Pistachio, the Marcy S-- Hold on. Pistachio-flavored ice cream is evil? ...why am I not surprised?
Oh! And I know for a fact that the name of flavor number 12 has like a fifty-fifty chance of making your eyeballs pop out if you say it out loud. I’m not an amateur. I just like to assume the best in people. Especially the ones with ice cream. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like it’s easy to make delicious frozen treats menacing. Without a van, I mean. Add a van and one of those creepy jingles and all bets are off.
But still, I guess this is the part where I have to do the hero thing and shut you down before something bad happens. It’s not personal or anything, but I’m an X-Man sorta. And with great networking comes great responsibility, so you know I can’t let you cause an apocalypse just because your ice cream has more dimensions of deliciousness than the human mind can fathom. I just have to ask this one thing first.
If you honestly sold your soul to an Elder God to be able to make the only ice cream in camp with real sugar...... can I get one last scoop of number 12?
Poll Vote!
Character: Pao-Lin Huang AKA Dragon Kid
Series: Tiger & Bunny
Character Age: Around 14
Canon: Sternbild City: A Nice Place To Live… except for the mysteriously high crime rate, that is. Good thing the city is under the protection of "heroes"-humans called NEXT who have evolved in such a way that various powers manifested. Not all NEXT become heroes, but those who do have a bigger responsibility than just arresting criminals and pulling people out of burning buildings: they're also the stars of "Hero TV," a popular program in which the heroes, clad in costumes featuring advertisements from their corporate sponsors, compete for points by performing acts of heroism.
The youngest of these heroes goes by Dragon Kid, sometimes called "the Lightning Bolt Kung Fu Master"-her NEXT power grants her the ability to generate and control electricity, which she uses in combination with kung fu to fight crime. The civilian behind the costume is Pao-Lin Huang, a hardworking but spunky and somewhat childlike girl who is insecure about her tomboyishness. Despite being the youngest hero, she lives on the other side of the world from her parents, who stayed behind in China. Pao-Lin has a lot of discipline and a strong sense of justice, and she feels it's her duty to make her parents (and her country) proud-she would gladly risk her life to save another person and does not tolerate mistreatment of others. She practices martial arts every day and is quite serious about it. She's also big on teamwork and enjoys working together with her fellow heroes.
Sample Post:
Man, I hate summer!
…is what I would say if this was even summer, but it's October now. So why is this "summer camp" still running? It wasn't even supposed to be summer camp! The invitation said "Kung Fu and Unlimited Discipline," but all I'm seeing is "C.F.U.D." Where did the 'C' come from? 'Corn Fu?' That's disrespectful to the art! So much for discipline. There really is an enormous amount of corn, though. At least no one here will be going hungry anytime soon. But I took time off to come here and sharpen my skills, not to sit around and admire the agriculture. There's no point in being here if I'm not bettering myself, and since I don't really need to learn how to be a farmer, I don't think that's gonna happen. But I can't even get out of here because of the stupid forcefield they have set up!
Oh yeah, and also? Someone here is reanimating the dead. What an awful power to have! Why would someone use their powers to lengthen the suffering of others? You're supposed to do the opposite! I feel bad for these guys. It's not their fault they were brought back to life, right? I know I'm supposed to be scared of them, but the ones that aren't trying to eat me don't seem that bad-one of them even wants to be my sparring partner! He isn't exactly a tough opponent, and at first I wondered if I should really be fighting him at all, but I really appreciated his enthusiasm. How could I say no?
Anyway, that was the first time I kicked someone's head off. He managed to get it back on, but it was still pretty gross. I think I'll go easy on him from now on.
But, man, seeing how friendly that zombie was just made me even madder at whoever has us trapped in here. That guy hasn't done anything wrong, and he deserves freedom! So I'm starting to wonder, how many other people have been lured here? How many of those people got turned into zombies afterward? I may not be able to take out the forcefield, but I bet I can take out whoever's controlling it! Watch out, leader of C.F.U.D., because your zombies have a new hero. Go ahead and ask yourself what kind of damage a kid and a bunch of walking dead people could really do. The answer might shock you!
Poll Vote!
Character: Santo Vaccarro aka "Rockslide"
Series: Various X-Men comics
Character Age: Approximately 16
Canon: Being a mutant is hard. Being tolerated is pretty much the best you can hope for, and if your own family doesn't ditch you once your mutation manifests, the mutant-hating terrorists (or possibly just... mutant terrorists) will pick up their slack. Luckily for young mutants looking to harness their powers and maybe even train to become the next X-Men, there's a place of tolerance and safety waiting for them. It used to be the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, but now the mutants have moved to the west coast, living apart from nonpowered humans on an island off of California.
Santo Vaccarro, codename Rockslide, has grown from immature bully to bonafide X-Man during his time at Xavier's. A huge teen who's literally built out of rocks and psychic energy - which gives him the ability to explode and reform his body at will - no one would ever call him a genius (or even close), but he makes up for his lack of smarts with an abundance of loyalty to his teammates and friends. Santo truly enjoys fighting bad guys and has a penchant for coming up with implausible or outright fake stories to tell his friends. Despite the horrible things he's witnessed as a mutant, Santo prefers to live day to day, focusing on the awesome instead of the depressing. The most awesome thing, of course, being himself.
Sample Post:
"My name's Rockslide and it's time for you to get ready for a stone-cold asskicking, X-Men style!"
That's what I said to the zombies right before I destroyed them. It was awesome. The horde was all around me, moaning and trying to bite at my flesh. "But, Rockslide, you don't have any flesh - you're, like, made out of rocks." That's what you're probably about to say. My answer? Zombies are freakin' dumb and don't know any better, and quit interrupting my epic story. So anyway, like I was saying, the zombie horde had surrounded me, but I knew I could deal with those guys easy.
My first move was to get rid of the ones who were stupid enough to get close to me. With a single sweep of my arm, they were down. I wiped their stinking guts on my pants and zeroed in on the stragglers. Some of 'em had seen what I'd done to their buddies, and they were pissed. The one closest to me let out another moan, and then - boom, out of the corn, more zombies! Hundreds... no, thousands of 'em! They swarmed around me, blocking off my escape. I was trapped in an ocean of dead people. And then the cows showed up.
They were all mooing and chewing grass and doing other lame cow things, but they walked right into the ocean of zombies like they were too cool to be scared. Or maybe they didn't know what zombies are. Either way, shit went down. The zombies were biting the cows, the cows were trampling the zombies, sparks were flying everywhere - and I was like, whoa, sparks? What the hell are these cows made of, metal? Then it hit me - these cows were mutants, and I needed to back them up! Mutants gotta stick together, y'know?
So I exploded. Rock shrapnel flying in all directions, zombie guts everywhere! The cows were, like, inspired by my totally heroic act and stepped up their trampling. Heh, stepped up. By the time I reformed, the mutantcows had taken out all the zombies my grenade of awesome missed, and I stood there, covered in guts, totally triumphant, surrounded by my new bros.
Today's been the best day of my life, and it's not over yet. Now it's time for the hero to get the girl. I gotta find that Marcy chick the toucans keep telling me about!
Poll Vote!
Character: Noriko "Nori" Ashida (a.k.a. Surge)
Series: X-Men (comics universe)
Character Age: 17
Canon: On another version of Earth, mutants have been present for most of modern history. These mutants are members of Homo superior, and their X-gene, which expresses itself around puberty, is responsible for the various power and appearance alterations that them stand out - for better or for worse. But fear not, young mutants who know not where to go. There is a place for all of them, at Charles Xavier's Institute for Higher Learning: a school run by mutants, for mutants. It is here that they can learn to control their powers, and also gain more exposure to the mutant community, and maybe make some friends along the way ... as they head to Hell and back. Literally.
Noriko might have been turned away from the Xavier Institute the first time she tried to get in, but she's since cleaned herself up. Her mutant powers allow her to pick up static electricity and either internalize it as speed or discharge it offensively, though she needs to wear metal gauntlets to keep her powers under control. She has the personality to go along with her powers, too. She's impulsive and fast-talking, no matter what the situation, and she's always got a strong opinion. She's blunt, and she doesn't like being dragged around or ignored. But even with all of those flaws, she's made a leader, and eventually she comes to accept that responsibility in her own way. She may not be a strategist, but she'll do anything to make sure that her teammates stay safe.
NOTE: Nori is being taken from the end of Children of X-Men (New X-Men 43). When internalizing electricity, herspeechspeedsup.
Sample Post: CampFuckYouDie, MiddleOfNowhere, UnitedStatesOfAmerica. Godthisplaceiskindofapieceof ... ugh. Okay. Let me slow down to say this, because even I don't know what the heck I'm saying when my brain's all sped up.
... Alright, breather taken. I know I'm late and that probably sticks me forever in the "Shittiest Leaders the X-Men Have Ever Had" column, but apparently there's a report of some crazy mutated squid who's taken over one of the silos and this place has managed to completely change locations once too? I guess I'm supposed to know what's going on but all I had to hear was "half of your teammates are here" and I just ...
Well hey, I tried to be responsible about it. It isn't exactly easy to get from the state of New York all the way out here, y' know? I mean, I bought a bus ticket at first, but I backed out at the last minute because honestly? Buses are pretty much the worst form of long-distance transportation. So I bought myself a plane ticket. It's not like my gauntlets were gonna be a problem, right? It would be so easy to get those past the metal detectors ...
... Okay, I can't even pretend I was that responsible. I ran. Well, I ran until I had no more charge left because I'm supposed to be all responsible and not drain generators or anything like that to get it back. But you guys don't care about my journey here because no one would care about it. Hell, I don't care about it and I'm supposed to be the one telling this story. But my story isn't what matters right now, because we could sit here forever talking about our shitty lives, or we could actually do something about what's here right now. Or who isn't.
Because it's not like that lady who's supposed to be in charge of this place is ever around, huh? If you know anything about where she is, you should tell though. I have a little business to take care of. Just a couple of simple questions before I decide I need to lead anyone willing into what might be a trap. And then we can all get back to where we came from. Sounds pretty good, right? Sometimes my ideas are so good that I shock myself.
... Even I can't believe I just said that.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Gary Oak
Series: Pokémon
Character Age: Forever 10-11 years old.
Canon: Welcome to the world of Pokémon. Where you capture these cute little creatures known as Pokémon usually against their will by stuffing them into these little balls known as Pokéballs. Young children train their Pokémon and leave home to never return and travel across the land searching far and wide... And making these cute little creatures fight in battles against each other. All without going to school. But that’s no big deal for Ash Ketchum, our main character, and his rival Gary Oak. And their goal is to become... The Pokémon Master.
Now kick Ash Ketchum to the curve and you get Gary Oak. Gary Oak is the guy. He has cheerleaders. He has a car. He’s always one step ahead of you. You cannot match up to Gary Oak. Why? Because he’s Gary Oak. He has a big ego, knows how to battle, and he is not ashamed to admit it out loud and proud. He has every badge you can possibly think of. Yes, even the one’s that you didn’t know existed. He’s a star, proud, and yes best dang believe his Pokemon are the best around. Now smell you later losers, he has better things to do than explaining his magnificence in only one paragraph.
Note: Yes, he is being apped from Kanto timeline.
Sample Post:
LISTEN UP, YOU LOSERS.
Now, I’ve been informed that I’m apparently being put up for vote to stick around this lame joint? Are you serious? You have to decide? It should already be obvious between which of the competitors that should stick around. Still don’t the answer? Should I spell it out for you? Fine, I’ll make it clear for you now.
He’s standing right in front of you. Need I really say more? Now, I don’t usually stick around places with losers like you guys for long. But I’ll make an exception this time. Don’t misunderstand, though, I just don’t like losing. Losing is for lamers like you guys who have nothing better to do but apparently be blind to what should be the completely obvious choice. So, I’ll make it easy for you. You want to know why you should vote me in? I’ll tell you why. Take a seat ladies and gents-- But be careful of falling behinds. This might take a while so you better be prepared for this. I’m not going to repeat myself so keep your ears open.
Now, I’ll start by saying that I only got here just a few hours ago. And, you know what? I already got the Marcy Badge. That’s right. I already got it. Do you see any other losers around here with a badge shaped with tentacles? I don’t think so. I even got a personal invitation from the lady up on top in the first. You heard me. Miss Sayre herself wrote a letter invitation for me. Don’t believe me? I’ve got it nicely tucked away in my car and I can get it for you at anytime. So, you better vote me in unless you want to make your boss angry. Though, if you still do doubt it then you’re just some lame loser with no brain. Getting tired of being called a loser at this point? Deal with it. I’ve already seen everything I need to know about you guys and I got five more fans waiting for me right in the car. They’re rotting a little but what can I say? I just have that affect on people. You included.
Now, do you understand why you would be in the wrong to not vote for me? I don’t lose contests. People enter contests with my name. Gary Oak. But, I’ll have you know, there’s only one Gary Oak in the world. And all you other posers who really did think they can enter this and win against me? Quit while you’re ahead before you meet the greatest amount of shame you’ll ever experience in your life.
Smell ya later, losers!
Applicant #2
Character: Gary Oak
Series: Pokémon! (anime adaptation)
Character Age: 10 always.
Canon: Welcome to the world of Pokémon, where--at the age of ten--you are given the chance to leave your home with your special animal with superpowers (named “Pokémon”) to venture the world in search of adventure. Most of time “adventure” will involve battling with all fellow Pokémon trainers who make eye contact with you, catching every single Pokémon that dives out of the tall grass, and participating in the race against time to become the very best Pokémon Trainer ever. Which is just what our protagonist, Ash Ketchum, does with his spare time.
Of course, like with all competitions, some Pokémon Trainers are a lot better than others. Meet our protagonist’s rival: Gary Oak. He thinks he’s hot stuff. In fact, if you need a direct example of to how hot he thinks he is... he had a convertible full of squealing fangirls when he was just ten. He’s completely aware of how amazing that achievement is, and he won’t hesitate to rub that small little fact in your face. He’s competitive, blunt, and kind of a jerk--while he’ll emphasize his own strengths, he’ll completely step on your faults. Of course, that isn’t to say he’s completely heartless--he’s the type of person that treats you well, but that’s because he knows he’s better. Aside from that, though, he’s casual, pretty charismatic, and walks the walk. Like a boss.
For those canon-familiar: Gary is indeed from the beginning arcs.
Sample Post:
Heh! I’ve just got here and the general populace’s already drooling over my brains, tripping over their feet, and looking green in envy--all in five seconds, too. That’s gotta be a new record.
Anyway, listen up. I don’t usually take time out of my schedule to say things people should already know, but you guys look like you need every word you can get. And man, do I have a lot of words for you. There’s nothing worse than someone who tries too hard to fit in, and you know you’re trying too hard when you’re losing limbs to try and get into places. Gotta say, though, you people know how to throw a welcoming party into Farmsville. Guess I can at least help you make it seem like you’re trying a little bit less hard. Hold your applause and thanks till the end, folks. You’re gonna need both your hands through this, even if you’ve gone your whole undead life thinking one is enough.
First thing you have to know is that there’s only one of you. Maybe it’s a little bit less obvious in your case because all of you are green and too decomposed to recognize, but just act like you were losing limbs before losing limbs was cool. I’ll help you guys out by using a bit of a personal example, in this case. Think for a second that you’re me. So, no green, drooling, or brains muttering here--imagine too little of the former, too much of the latter.
Right, so, back on track. Don’t get too into the act, because this is just an example, but considering there’s only one Gary Oak, you gotta act like it. Looking down to the ground to the point that your neck’s sagging? Not really. The only thing sagging’ll be your opponents shoulders once you’ve won in every way possible. You don’t need to let your eyes fall out of your sockets anymore, because that’s everyone else’s job. You get the jist of it, right? What I’m trying to say is that, in the end, there’s only one of you, and you can at least be proud of that. Sure, being me probably has a couple more benefits than being you, but at least you don’t have to deal with any kind of posers or anything.
And there you go. Now, try not to clap too hard--your hands might fall off. Nice and slow will do. You kept your arms and ears this long, might as well keep them on forever. Otherwise I just wasted my time! Now, I’ve got stuff to do--this place looks like it might have some Pokémon I’ve never seen before. I gave you all the help you need, so just listen to that advice and you’ll be fine.
Smell ya later!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. FINALLY CLOSED.
Character: Alani Ryan, “Loa”
Series: Marvel Comics
Character Age: 16
Canon: Change is the only constant in the universe. We hear this all the time, but that doesn’t exactly stop us from fighting it in our own lives, does it? So when evolution takes an unexpected leap forward and mankind finds that its place at the top of the natural order may be taken by a superior race of humans within a few generations, well... Let’s put it this way. The X-Men, the group established to teach these young mutants how to use their abilities responsibly and help to ensure the peaceful coexistence of all people, has now basically been kicked out of America and is barely clinging to life.
And not all of them are jumping at the chance to beat up bad guys and save the world on a daily basis. Some are more like Loa, who has never quite gotten over being intimidated by the destructive nature of her ability and avoids using it whenever possible. After all that her people have lost, she’s very protective of the friends she has left and doesn’t let anything stand in her way once she’s set her mind to something, but in her heart Loa’s still a lot more fun-loving surfer than ass-kicking hero. She likes things laidback and light-hearted, and she’s learned to rarely hold back what she’s thinking, whether that means just being her big-hearted friendly self, making stubborn idiots listen to reason, or dropping amusing (and genre-savvy) comments on all the ridiculousness going on around her. Because somebody has to admit the obvious fact that life with actual superheroes is simultaneously awesome, terrible, and very very silly. Though really, if it takes another evil invasion or surprise trip to Hell to see the cool stuff? She’d rather just be goofing off somewhere safe with all the people she cares about. You know, eating junk food, having dorky debates about movies, maybe reading some... obscure and potentially less than safe books on dark magic, hideous monsters, and undersea cities?
Well, everybody has to have a hobby.
Sample Post:
Mmmm...! You know what, Mr. Tastee? I don’t care what those whiny toucans say. For a one-eyed, one-armed guy who may or may not even have a tongue, you sure know how to throw an ice cream party. Who cares if a few of the flavors have a tentacle or two sticking out, right? They’re about as sinister as the effect that made that bite of the Tutti Frutti-tasting stuff look like it winked at me. It’s all just part of the wicked Lovecraft theme, and I’m not leaving until I’ve had a taste of all 32 Flavors of Madness! Haha, it’s not like you would really get dessert recipes from the Necronomicon or anything. That’d be ridiculous.
Hey, what’s with the guilty look all of a sudden? ...aw dude, c’mon. Please tell me you didn’t. How many times do I have to explain this to people? Just because it has “nom” in the name, that doesn’t make it a cookbook!
Great. Now I have to worry about this whole thing being part of some spell to summon a brain-eating Eldritch abomination from the depths of the Non-Euclidian Caramel Swirl or something. Well, okay, considering what you’re used to around here, maybe anything “brain-eating” is a bad example of a credible threat, but there’s no way this is ending without a fight, or at least some kind of crazy Twilight Zone sanity-melty stuff. Just look at these flavor names: Bloodberry Cheesecake, Mint Chocolate Cthulhu Fhtagn, Bodacious Black Frozen Sorrow, Pistachio, the Marcy S-- Hold on. Pistachio-flavored ice cream is evil? ...why am I not surprised?
Oh! And I know for a fact that the name of flavor number 12 has like a fifty-fifty chance of making your eyeballs pop out if you say it out loud. I’m not an amateur. I just like to assume the best in people. Especially the ones with ice cream. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like it’s easy to make delicious frozen treats menacing. Without a van, I mean. Add a van and one of those creepy jingles and all bets are off.
But still, I guess this is the part where I have to do the hero thing and shut you down before something bad happens. It’s not personal or anything, but I’m an X-Man sorta. And with great networking comes great responsibility, so you know I can’t let you cause an apocalypse just because your ice cream has more dimensions of deliciousness than the human mind can fathom. I just have to ask this one thing first.
If you honestly sold your soul to an Elder God to be able to make the only ice cream in camp with real sugar...... can I get one last scoop of number 12?
Poll Vote!
Character: Pao-Lin Huang AKA Dragon Kid
Series: Tiger & Bunny
Character Age: Around 14
Canon: Sternbild City: A Nice Place To Live… except for the mysteriously high crime rate, that is. Good thing the city is under the protection of "heroes"-humans called NEXT who have evolved in such a way that various powers manifested. Not all NEXT become heroes, but those who do have a bigger responsibility than just arresting criminals and pulling people out of burning buildings: they're also the stars of "Hero TV," a popular program in which the heroes, clad in costumes featuring advertisements from their corporate sponsors, compete for points by performing acts of heroism.
The youngest of these heroes goes by Dragon Kid, sometimes called "the Lightning Bolt Kung Fu Master"-her NEXT power grants her the ability to generate and control electricity, which she uses in combination with kung fu to fight crime. The civilian behind the costume is Pao-Lin Huang, a hardworking but spunky and somewhat childlike girl who is insecure about her tomboyishness. Despite being the youngest hero, she lives on the other side of the world from her parents, who stayed behind in China. Pao-Lin has a lot of discipline and a strong sense of justice, and she feels it's her duty to make her parents (and her country) proud-she would gladly risk her life to save another person and does not tolerate mistreatment of others. She practices martial arts every day and is quite serious about it. She's also big on teamwork and enjoys working together with her fellow heroes.
Sample Post:
Man, I hate summer!
…is what I would say if this was even summer, but it's October now. So why is this "summer camp" still running? It wasn't even supposed to be summer camp! The invitation said "Kung Fu and Unlimited Discipline," but all I'm seeing is "C.F.U.D." Where did the 'C' come from? 'Corn Fu?' That's disrespectful to the art! So much for discipline. There really is an enormous amount of corn, though. At least no one here will be going hungry anytime soon. But I took time off to come here and sharpen my skills, not to sit around and admire the agriculture. There's no point in being here if I'm not bettering myself, and since I don't really need to learn how to be a farmer, I don't think that's gonna happen. But I can't even get out of here because of the stupid forcefield they have set up!
Oh yeah, and also? Someone here is reanimating the dead. What an awful power to have! Why would someone use their powers to lengthen the suffering of others? You're supposed to do the opposite! I feel bad for these guys. It's not their fault they were brought back to life, right? I know I'm supposed to be scared of them, but the ones that aren't trying to eat me don't seem that bad-one of them even wants to be my sparring partner! He isn't exactly a tough opponent, and at first I wondered if I should really be fighting him at all, but I really appreciated his enthusiasm. How could I say no?
Anyway, that was the first time I kicked someone's head off. He managed to get it back on, but it was still pretty gross. I think I'll go easy on him from now on.
But, man, seeing how friendly that zombie was just made me even madder at whoever has us trapped in here. That guy hasn't done anything wrong, and he deserves freedom! So I'm starting to wonder, how many other people have been lured here? How many of those people got turned into zombies afterward? I may not be able to take out the forcefield, but I bet I can take out whoever's controlling it! Watch out, leader of C.F.U.D., because your zombies have a new hero. Go ahead and ask yourself what kind of damage a kid and a bunch of walking dead people could really do. The answer might shock you!
Poll Vote!
Character: Santo Vaccarro aka "Rockslide"
Series: Various X-Men comics
Character Age: Approximately 16
Canon: Being a mutant is hard. Being tolerated is pretty much the best you can hope for, and if your own family doesn't ditch you once your mutation manifests, the mutant-hating terrorists (or possibly just... mutant terrorists) will pick up their slack. Luckily for young mutants looking to harness their powers and maybe even train to become the next X-Men, there's a place of tolerance and safety waiting for them. It used to be the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, but now the mutants have moved to the west coast, living apart from nonpowered humans on an island off of California.
Santo Vaccarro, codename Rockslide, has grown from immature bully to bonafide X-Man during his time at Xavier's. A huge teen who's literally built out of rocks and psychic energy - which gives him the ability to explode and reform his body at will - no one would ever call him a genius (or even close), but he makes up for his lack of smarts with an abundance of loyalty to his teammates and friends. Santo truly enjoys fighting bad guys and has a penchant for coming up with implausible or outright fake stories to tell his friends. Despite the horrible things he's witnessed as a mutant, Santo prefers to live day to day, focusing on the awesome instead of the depressing. The most awesome thing, of course, being himself.
Sample Post:
"My name's Rockslide and it's time for you to get ready for a stone-cold asskicking, X-Men style!"
That's what I said to the zombies right before I destroyed them. It was awesome. The horde was all around me, moaning and trying to bite at my flesh. "But, Rockslide, you don't have any flesh - you're, like, made out of rocks." That's what you're probably about to say. My answer? Zombies are freakin' dumb and don't know any better, and quit interrupting my epic story. So anyway, like I was saying, the zombie horde had surrounded me, but I knew I could deal with those guys easy.
My first move was to get rid of the ones who were stupid enough to get close to me. With a single sweep of my arm, they were down. I wiped their stinking guts on my pants and zeroed in on the stragglers. Some of 'em had seen what I'd done to their buddies, and they were pissed. The one closest to me let out another moan, and then - boom, out of the corn, more zombies! Hundreds... no, thousands of 'em! They swarmed around me, blocking off my escape. I was trapped in an ocean of dead people. And then the cows showed up.
They were all mooing and chewing grass and doing other lame cow things, but they walked right into the ocean of zombies like they were too cool to be scared. Or maybe they didn't know what zombies are. Either way, shit went down. The zombies were biting the cows, the cows were trampling the zombies, sparks were flying everywhere - and I was like, whoa, sparks? What the hell are these cows made of, metal? Then it hit me - these cows were mutants, and I needed to back them up! Mutants gotta stick together, y'know?
So I exploded. Rock shrapnel flying in all directions, zombie guts everywhere! The cows were, like, inspired by my totally heroic act and stepped up their trampling. Heh, stepped up. By the time I reformed, the mutantcows had taken out all the zombies my grenade of awesome missed, and I stood there, covered in guts, totally triumphant, surrounded by my new bros.
Today's been the best day of my life, and it's not over yet. Now it's time for the hero to get the girl. I gotta find that Marcy chick the toucans keep telling me about!
Poll Vote!
Character: Noriko "Nori" Ashida (a.k.a. Surge)
Series: X-Men (comics universe)
Character Age: 17
Canon: On another version of Earth, mutants have been present for most of modern history. These mutants are members of Homo superior, and their X-gene, which expresses itself around puberty, is responsible for the various power and appearance alterations that them stand out - for better or for worse. But fear not, young mutants who know not where to go. There is a place for all of them, at Charles Xavier's Institute for Higher Learning: a school run by mutants, for mutants. It is here that they can learn to control their powers, and also gain more exposure to the mutant community, and maybe make some friends along the way ... as they head to Hell and back. Literally.
Noriko might have been turned away from the Xavier Institute the first time she tried to get in, but she's since cleaned herself up. Her mutant powers allow her to pick up static electricity and either internalize it as speed or discharge it offensively, though she needs to wear metal gauntlets to keep her powers under control. She has the personality to go along with her powers, too. She's impulsive and fast-talking, no matter what the situation, and she's always got a strong opinion. She's blunt, and she doesn't like being dragged around or ignored. But even with all of those flaws, she's made a leader, and eventually she comes to accept that responsibility in her own way. She may not be a strategist, but she'll do anything to make sure that her teammates stay safe.
NOTE: Nori is being taken from the end of Children of X-Men (New X-Men 43). When internalizing electricity, herspeechspeedsup.
Sample Post: CampFuckYouDie, MiddleOfNowhere, UnitedStatesOfAmerica. Godthisplaceiskindofapieceof ... ugh. Okay. Let me slow down to say this, because even I don't know what the heck I'm saying when my brain's all sped up.
... Alright, breather taken. I know I'm late and that probably sticks me forever in the "Shittiest Leaders the X-Men Have Ever Had" column, but apparently there's a report of some crazy mutated squid who's taken over one of the silos and this place has managed to completely change locations once too? I guess I'm supposed to know what's going on but all I had to hear was "half of your teammates are here" and I just ...
Well hey, I tried to be responsible about it. It isn't exactly easy to get from the state of New York all the way out here, y' know? I mean, I bought a bus ticket at first, but I backed out at the last minute because honestly? Buses are pretty much the worst form of long-distance transportation. So I bought myself a plane ticket. It's not like my gauntlets were gonna be a problem, right? It would be so easy to get those past the metal detectors ...
... Okay, I can't even pretend I was that responsible. I ran. Well, I ran until I had no more charge left because I'm supposed to be all responsible and not drain generators or anything like that to get it back. But you guys don't care about my journey here because no one would care about it. Hell, I don't care about it and I'm supposed to be the one telling this story. But my story isn't what matters right now, because we could sit here forever talking about our shitty lives, or we could actually do something about what's here right now. Or who isn't.
Because it's not like that lady who's supposed to be in charge of this place is ever around, huh? If you know anything about where she is, you should tell though. I have a little business to take care of. Just a couple of simple questions before I decide I need to lead anyone willing into what might be a trap. And then we can all get back to where we came from. Sounds pretty good, right? Sometimes my ideas are so good that I shock myself.
... Even I can't believe I just said that.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Gary Oak
Series: Pokémon
Character Age: Forever 10-11 years old.
Canon: Welcome to the world of Pokémon. Where you capture these cute little creatures known as Pokémon usually against their will by stuffing them into these little balls known as Pokéballs. Young children train their Pokémon and leave home to never return and travel across the land searching far and wide... And making these cute little creatures fight in battles against each other. All without going to school. But that’s no big deal for Ash Ketchum, our main character, and his rival Gary Oak. And their goal is to become... The Pokémon Master.
Now kick Ash Ketchum to the curve and you get Gary Oak. Gary Oak is the guy. He has cheerleaders. He has a car. He’s always one step ahead of you. You cannot match up to Gary Oak. Why? Because he’s Gary Oak. He has a big ego, knows how to battle, and he is not ashamed to admit it out loud and proud. He has every badge you can possibly think of. Yes, even the one’s that you didn’t know existed. He’s a star, proud, and yes best dang believe his Pokemon are the best around. Now smell you later losers, he has better things to do than explaining his magnificence in only one paragraph.
Note: Yes, he is being apped from Kanto timeline.
Sample Post:
LISTEN UP, YOU LOSERS.
Now, I’ve been informed that I’m apparently being put up for vote to stick around this lame joint? Are you serious? You have to decide? It should already be obvious between which of the competitors that should stick around. Still don’t the answer? Should I spell it out for you? Fine, I’ll make it clear for you now.
He’s standing right in front of you. Need I really say more? Now, I don’t usually stick around places with losers like you guys for long. But I’ll make an exception this time. Don’t misunderstand, though, I just don’t like losing. Losing is for lamers like you guys who have nothing better to do but apparently be blind to what should be the completely obvious choice. So, I’ll make it easy for you. You want to know why you should vote me in? I’ll tell you why. Take a seat ladies and gents-- But be careful of falling behinds. This might take a while so you better be prepared for this. I’m not going to repeat myself so keep your ears open.
Now, I’ll start by saying that I only got here just a few hours ago. And, you know what? I already got the Marcy Badge. That’s right. I already got it. Do you see any other losers around here with a badge shaped with tentacles? I don’t think so. I even got a personal invitation from the lady up on top in the first. You heard me. Miss Sayre herself wrote a letter invitation for me. Don’t believe me? I’ve got it nicely tucked away in my car and I can get it for you at anytime. So, you better vote me in unless you want to make your boss angry. Though, if you still do doubt it then you’re just some lame loser with no brain. Getting tired of being called a loser at this point? Deal with it. I’ve already seen everything I need to know about you guys and I got five more fans waiting for me right in the car. They’re rotting a little but what can I say? I just have that affect on people. You included.
Now, do you understand why you would be in the wrong to not vote for me? I don’t lose contests. People enter contests with my name. Gary Oak. But, I’ll have you know, there’s only one Gary Oak in the world. And all you other posers who really did think they can enter this and win against me? Quit while you’re ahead before you meet the greatest amount of shame you’ll ever experience in your life.
Smell ya later, losers!
Applicant #2
Character: Gary Oak
Series: Pokémon! (anime adaptation)
Character Age: 10 always.
Canon: Welcome to the world of Pokémon, where--at the age of ten--you are given the chance to leave your home with your special animal with superpowers (named “Pokémon”) to venture the world in search of adventure. Most of time “adventure” will involve battling with all fellow Pokémon trainers who make eye contact with you, catching every single Pokémon that dives out of the tall grass, and participating in the race against time to become the very best Pokémon Trainer ever. Which is just what our protagonist, Ash Ketchum, does with his spare time.
Of course, like with all competitions, some Pokémon Trainers are a lot better than others. Meet our protagonist’s rival: Gary Oak. He thinks he’s hot stuff. In fact, if you need a direct example of to how hot he thinks he is... he had a convertible full of squealing fangirls when he was just ten. He’s completely aware of how amazing that achievement is, and he won’t hesitate to rub that small little fact in your face. He’s competitive, blunt, and kind of a jerk--while he’ll emphasize his own strengths, he’ll completely step on your faults. Of course, that isn’t to say he’s completely heartless--he’s the type of person that treats you well, but that’s because he knows he’s better. Aside from that, though, he’s casual, pretty charismatic, and walks the walk. Like a boss.
For those canon-familiar: Gary is indeed from the beginning arcs.
Sample Post:
Heh! I’ve just got here and the general populace’s already drooling over my brains, tripping over their feet, and looking green in envy--all in five seconds, too. That’s gotta be a new record.
Anyway, listen up. I don’t usually take time out of my schedule to say things people should already know, but you guys look like you need every word you can get. And man, do I have a lot of words for you. There’s nothing worse than someone who tries too hard to fit in, and you know you’re trying too hard when you’re losing limbs to try and get into places. Gotta say, though, you people know how to throw a welcoming party into Farmsville. Guess I can at least help you make it seem like you’re trying a little bit less hard. Hold your applause and thanks till the end, folks. You’re gonna need both your hands through this, even if you’ve gone your whole undead life thinking one is enough.
First thing you have to know is that there’s only one of you. Maybe it’s a little bit less obvious in your case because all of you are green and too decomposed to recognize, but just act like you were losing limbs before losing limbs was cool. I’ll help you guys out by using a bit of a personal example, in this case. Think for a second that you’re me. So, no green, drooling, or brains muttering here--imagine too little of the former, too much of the latter.
Right, so, back on track. Don’t get too into the act, because this is just an example, but considering there’s only one Gary Oak, you gotta act like it. Looking down to the ground to the point that your neck’s sagging? Not really. The only thing sagging’ll be your opponents shoulders once you’ve won in every way possible. You don’t need to let your eyes fall out of your sockets anymore, because that’s everyone else’s job. You get the jist of it, right? What I’m trying to say is that, in the end, there’s only one of you, and you can at least be proud of that. Sure, being me probably has a couple more benefits than being you, but at least you don’t have to deal with any kind of posers or anything.
And there you go. Now, try not to clap too hard--your hands might fall off. Nice and slow will do. You kept your arms and ears this long, might as well keep them on forever. Otherwise I just wasted my time! Now, I’ve got stuff to do--this place looks like it might have some Pokémon I’ve never seen before. I gave you all the help you need, so just listen to that advice and you’ll be fine.
Smell ya later!
Poll Vote!