(no subject)
CAMPER APPS ARE GO. First round, guys! LET'S SEE SOME OF THOSE OVER 100 PLAYERS VOTING, HUH. IT'S NOT LIKE THIS ISN'T THE MOST AWESOME ROUND OF APPS EVER.
We also have some announcements~
ONE. Staying anonymous. Hem. Hem. Hem. Seriously, stop giving yourselves away. We see you doing it. Stop and also no. ): If you were too obvious about who you were apping, we weeded you.
TWO. Counselor apps! Will be July 1st, same time, same place. For those of you who are picking up a fourth character this round, and want to app a counselor for a fifth: APPROVED. It's a special occasion.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. OKAY THE ODDS AREN'T CHANGING, CLOSED.
Character: Kurono Kei
Series: Gantz
Character Age: 16
Canon: Gantz is a series that's not safe for your brain, your sensibility or your sanity. A big black ball picks people who have recently died (usually a violent, unnatural death) and forces them to go on hunts to kill aliens or be killed themselves. Over time, the GANTZers become attuned to the game and learn to operate on a survival sense.
Kurono Kei is our hero. A hero with a great love of porn, big boobs, girls and porn of girls with big boobs. Kei is awkward, cynical and introverted, and likes it that way, damn it. That is, until he and a friend get run over by a train while trying to get a drunk man off the tracks. Kei gets sent to GANTZ instead of heaven, possibly owing to the fact that this was the first selfless action in all his life. In GANTZ, he will see friends and enemies die in gruesome ways before his eyes. This forces him to grow a pair and eventually become the respected and loved by many leader of the GANTZers. This, of course, only lasts until the games are over and he's back to being as hopelessly awkward as ever.
Sample Post:
You think you've seen it all, and then you get sent to a camp in Suckiest of Hellholes, America. With its own Border Patrol composed of a... human-hybrid with half his face falling off, no less. He said that, in compliance with MPAA conditions, I couldn't become a camper until they cut a little cheesecake here and some guts there so that my overall rating became PG-13.
Once I find out who was the genius who came up with the little black balls pastede on yay around my crotch every time I need to take a piss, there's going to be words.
Nice to know some supernatural all-powerful jerk-offs who care about sensibility exist, though. I could really get used to this lack of violence for a change... But hey. Hey, you creepy hybridoid, look at me a second, would you? That's it. Open your eyes just. Like. That.
-! Damned recoil. But. Whoa. Cleanest kill ever. For once I don't have to wipe internal organs off my face like some freaky makeup. Fuckin' A.
Okay, pretty sure I get the gist of this game! Here's how we're gonna do it. The idea is to lose as few campers as we can. And all it needs is a little organization, guys. We wanna get through this alive, right? So, kids and people who don't like fighting, stay in the main camp or hide in the cabins if there's one of the surprise bosses about. The people cosplaying Gundam pilots or ninja, stand aside unless you know how to use a shotgun - Whoa, badass! Okay, that'll do too.
Uhh, and if you're a girl and want to learn to use a gun, just stay close to me, you'll pick up a few tricks. Oh, y-you got a guy? Well, there's no harm in just hanging out for a while, right?
Poll Vote!
Character: Sakuraba Haruto
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 16
Canon: Eyeshield 21 is yet another sports manga that runs in Shounen Jump -- the sport of choice being American football. The series focuses on Kobayakawa Sena and the Deimon Devil Bats as they aim to reach the Christmas Bowl, and the teams they play against along the way.
Seemingly upbeat and self-assured, Sakuraba Haruto is the receiver for the Oujou White Knights, one of the front-running teams in the region. While he is called the 'ace' of the team by fans, Sakuraba is about as average as players come. Football player and student by day, he moonlights as an idol and flounces about modeling and doing commercials (all fully endorsed by his shady manager, of course), which is where his popularity stems from. He's even released a CD single. Nevermind that the boy can't carry a tune! That's what synthesizers are for!
Behind the scenes, Sakuraba constantly dwells on his his average skills as a football player and stresses himself out as he tries to live up to the stories the fans have made up about him on the field. Nevertheless, he tries to keep a good face up when out in front of people and is determined to try his hardest to get better and become an ace in his own right.
Note: Sakuraba is being taken from just before volume 11.
Sample Post:
Hey, guys! Excuse me, you over there! Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt or anything, but it looks like I got turned around just a bit back that way. You wouldn't have happened to see a man that's just a bit shorter than me, with glasses and a gold tooth right here, would you? Wha- no, ma'am, he is not my "sugar daddy." We were going to film a commercial here, but it looks like I got separated from the rest of them somehow.
So, what place did they pick to film this thing at, anyway? I thought they mentioned a name somewhere in my shooting script for it. Ah, let me see ... here, here it is! "Hey, kiddos! Looking for an unforgettable experience this summer that will extend to the next? Wanna question the theories about the water supply and tent pegs? Nevermind your old summer camps with your little pony rides -- in Camp Fuck You Die, pony rides you!"
This script is, ah. Well, it's different for these sorts of things! Say, how does a pony r-- ... Oh.
I, uh. Well, it's probably just a work in progress! And in any case, it seems I even have fans here, too. That's, ah, great, really. Ma'am, you're looking a little unhealthy there, maybe you should go lay down -- w-wow, they're friendly, huh! So, how about the weather! Getting really hot out here, isn't it? I-I think you're going to need that, maybe you should just reattach that uhm. Well, humidity aside, it can't be all that ba--
...
Ma'am, I- no. I'm not signing that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Lina Inverse
Series: The Slayers (Novels)
Age: 16
Canon: Lina Inverse is a cute, short, and flat-chested girl who just-so-happens to be one of the most powerful sorceresses of her era. But since being a beautiful and talented sorceress doesn't pay that well, she frequently moonlights as Lina the Bandit Killer, a horrifying woman who walks into bandit camps, sets them on fire and pilfers the booty for herself while everyone else is trying to remember how to stop, drop and roll.
Lina is short tempered, violent, greedy and something of a sadist. But at the same time still feminine enough to be self conscious about her appearance and want a prince charming to ride up on a white horse and take her away. She also isn't quite as heartless as she lets on, and makes a genuine effort not to hurt innocents with her massive attack spells, no matter how stupid they might be. In the end, all Lina really wants out of life is treasure, copious amounts of food, someone to exchange witty banter with, and maybe a few hapless bandit camps to blow up now and then. Is that so much to ask?
Note: To those familiar with the Slayers anime, the main difference between the two is that Novel!Lina makes a real effort to not blow up cities. Basically, Novel!Lina is Anime!Lina with a conscience.
Sample Post:
You know what I really hate? Wait, can't you guess? Here, I'll make it easy for you. Multiple choice:
What does Lina Inverse really hate?
A) Zombies
B) Zombies
C) Zombies
D) All of the above.
If you circled A, B, C or even D give yourself a big ol' pat on the back, buster, because you are a winner!
That's right; I hate zombies. It's not that they're falling apart (though that's plenty gross) or that they're always after my brains -- because hey, I can't blame anyone for that. It's the stench. Because get this; Zombies? Smell like rotting corpses. Yeah, who'da thunk?
Still, it wouldn't bug me so much except that zombies shouldn't even be here. You see, bandits and zombies aren't really known for socializing all that well, and this is supposed to be bandit territory. And by 'supposed to be' I mean is; because this is a forest, and everyone knows all forests have bandits. It's just a given! The sun rises in the east, water flows downhill, ugly guys have bad dialog, and the woods are chock-full of bandits just waiting for a broke -- er... beautiful young sorceress to come along and relieve them of their ill gotten gains. And give it back to it's rightful owners. Eh hehe, of course.
But back to what I was saying: zombies just aren't the type of villain a girl usually finds in this environment. Maybe I should take this as a sign that someone finally convinced a bunch of bandits that the only thing fearsome about them was their stench? I guess if you told that to a bandit with half a brain he might decide to run with it and voilà! Next thing you know, Plan Zombie Odor Defense is a go!
So there you go. You villagers have yourselves a two-fold infestation here, zombies and bandits and I just happen to be the girl to get rid of them for ya. And lucky for you I take my fees out of the bad guys' wallets and not yours! (Though if you're feeling really grateful, I wouldn't say no to a feast in my honor.) So what do you say, point me in the right direction? I think they're calling themselves the Steaming Blood Brigands? ...or was it the Boiling Sweat Gang? Simmering Spit Squad maybe?
Anyone?
Poll Vote!
Character: Thor Odinson
Series: Marvel Comics, particularly Thor: Son of Asgard limited series
Character Age: Effectively immortal (16 years mature as of T:SoA LS)
Canon: The son and heir of All-Father Odin, ruler of
Asgard, Thor is a warrior-prince of the godly realm and destined to
one day become the God of Thunder, wielding the enchanted warhammer
Mjolnir as one of Earth's Mightiest Heroes. But even gods have their
beginnings, and Thor's is here - in the days of his youth, as he
struggles against his own impulsive nature to prove himself worthy of
his impending destiny.
Thor is fearless, hot-headed, quick to action, and - like most members
of Marvel's divine pantheons - talks like an escapee from the
Renaissance Faire.
Sample Post:
Well met, my campground compatriots!
Long and far have I traveled to reach this place - 'cross the gleaming
Rainbow Bridge that arcs betwixt hallowed Asgard and this, the mortal
plane... Amidst the peaks of snowy Jotunheim, where dwell the fearsome
Frost-giants... And through the dreary void of hopelessness and despair
that men now call Ohio. Rumors of the trials thou doth daily
face hath reached e'en unto the Halls of Odin, my abode. Thy valiant
struggles 'gainst constant tribulation so inspired me - for who couldst
sit idle whilst others dared deadly dangers? Not the Odinson! - and thus
have I come to aid thee in thine hour of need!
So… Here art we all together - gathered in this pestilential marsh,
beleaguered on all sides by foes numerous and uncanny, at the
questionable mercy of a cruel overlord whose capricious whims become
our wretched torments, where each terror-fraught moment might well
prove our last...
Say true, comrades... hast thou e'er enjoyed such grand entertainments?
Why, just this morn was I waylaid 'pon returning from the privy-and
such fine garderobes we hath not e'en in Asgard! - by a veritable
phalanx of those decomposing dullards that lurch vilely about
camp. Oh, 'twas a mighty struggle to win my way clear with the
precious scroll of cleansing-parchment intact, but now rightly do
these curs fear the fury of the Odinson, be he properly trousered or
nay!
Then as I pressed deeper into the fetid swamp, led on by thine
explanatory pamphlets - and methinks, by the by, thy pamphlets be
typographically in error if not outright misleading, for in no way did
these wetlands prove a "fetish swamp" - again was I beset! A ferocious...
swamp... serpent, with teeth like daggers and a hide wonderfully fit for
fashioning ladies' handbags, sprang 'pon me from the murk! Verily, if
not for the aid of yon khaki-clad stranger, I would hath been
overcome.
Now do I venture once more, seeking that place of peril and mystery
known only as... "the Craft Area"?
So be it! There shall I... ah... Plait a lanyard! A mighty lanyard!
Yea, a lanyard mighty enough to bind e'en the Midgard Serpent in its
coils!
WHO STANDS WITH ME?!
...?
Be not timid, friends - there is gimp and glory enough for all!
Poll Vote!
Character: Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie
Series: Veronica Mars
Character Age: 18
Canon: If Veronica Mars is the spunky teenage girl detective equivalent of James Bond, then Mac is her Q. Mac is Neptune High School's resident computer nerd; she's a whiz at anything related to electronics and the web. She has gadgets and gizmos a plenty, and has no qualms about milking the allowances of the rich kids of her high school in order to buy herself a new VW bug. (She creates and implements an internet "purity test" that allows students to buy their peers' results for $10. Mac makes bank.) She's softspoken but quick-witted and clever; she banters with the best of them. She's also openminded -- but still teenager enough to think that the principal's nerdy son is traumatizing to go to prom with.
Spoilers continue in white! Mac hires Veronica to investigate her parents because she's always felt that she doesn't belong: they're more "nachos and NASCAR" and she's more "falafels and Fellini". Veronica discovers that Mac was switched at birth at the hospital; Mac should have grown up in a rich home with class, its own library, and multiple family trips around the world. She ultimately accepts that she was instead given to a family that goes on biannual camping trips to the boonies, but only just.
Also, permission was granted by all parties mentioned in this app!
Sample Post:
It wasn't like it was hard to find -- it was one of Youtube's daily featured videos. I just got curious -- who posts videos about dead fiances and emergency defense mechanisms? What's "CFUD" mean exactly? Okay, so it's the internet and I should've googled it and these things shouldn't be all that surprising, but I figured I could do a quick check and see where it'd been posted from. Mostly I wanted to see if it was one of those MMORPGs, only with definitive crazy camp director flair! I could sit back and mock.
Let me say, Miss Biztheinsane (if that's even your real name), this does not look like Maine. Either you've got programs set up to alter your IP and thus your location -- and it's not hard, Tor and Piroxy are easy enough to figure out -- or there's something going on here that's really messed up. I figured it was just a joke anyway, but when someone wakes up to a masked guy -- he looked really... furry. But I think the color was a trick of the light -- hulking over her bed one starts to figure out really fast that it's not a joke. And it should be. Because what, is this a set for a cancelled Jason movie? Or a reality TV show? If it's a reality show then it's gonna be on AMC or something, isn't it. "Watch as we use old horror movie sets to surprise unsuspecting co-eds." Really funny. The impersonators are a good touch too -- unless they all just got lost on their way to a convention.
I have to wonder why it's all Livejournal based. So easy to get into and -- not at all secure, y'know? They try, but you can still get around it. And don't you get sick of the crashes? "Oh no, I can't comment because LJ hates me ;_;" and that. And oh, it's really nice that you gave me this laptop to work with, but I brought my own. MacBook Pro -- got it for graduation. I've modded it a little, applied the thermal gel myself! So you can... throw this in the lake if you --. You guys have a big budget, don't you? Animatronics, right, with the tentacles and the --.
I'm not going to jump to conclusions or anything but you really need to fire your make-up crew. Those dismembered limbs don't look realistic at all. ... Neither do the walking dead. Too much rot, not enough maggots?
...
So there's this option I have to make my own widgets. For my computer. And I think I'm gonna get started on "today's zombie forecast".
Poll Vote!
Character: Lacus Clyne
Series: Gundam Seed
Character Age: 18, as of Gundam Seed Destiny.
Canon: Amid all the fighting and xenophobia and giant robots and things that go on in the Cosmic Era, amid all the nasty cloak-and-dagger politics and red-tape technicalities, there is a voice of reason heard on every radio station in and out of PLANT: Lacus Clyne, daughter of the late leader of PLANT Siegel Clyne and famous singing idol.
Although Lacus acts and seems rather naïve and clueless when she's first introduced, over the course of both series it becomes clear she's got quite a bit going on in that pink head of hers--she's a politician, a pacifist, and a battleship commander. She steals mobile suits for her boyfriend and can create two-page motivational speeches in her head in the blink of an eye. She treats everyone she meets with kindness, patience, and respect, and those who fail to return the favor may find themselves facing Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala, a military force, or a legion of fanboys. Oh, yeah, and the Haros. Can't forget the Haros. That one in particular would be Lacus's very own Pink-chan, as mentioned below.
Sample Post:
I must say, I've never seen a summer camp like this before! This is a very unique place, isn't it? The moment I arrived, I saw things I'd only imagined.. Pink-chan already seems rather fondly acquainted with the many forms of wildlife here. ...and he seems to have fallen in the lake again. Ms. Tentacles, if you wouldn't mind--no, not that fondly acquainted, I'm afraid. There are even people who have been fortunate enough to find futures for themselves even after dying. "Zombies," was it?
I asked the crowd of them that greeted me about my friends, a number of whom have been missing for quite some time--imagine my surprise when I learned they were all here! But after seeing something of what this camp is like and the trials everyone faces here, I believe it's good that they came. I'm sure they've been working hard with all of you towards solving this murder mystery and putting everyone's hearts, including the director's, at ease.
Ah, I almost forgot to introduce myself! My name is Lacus Clyne, and this is Pink-chan. Now that I'm here, I promise to do my best as well. Though after having spent some time with the locals, it would appear that there exists a number of conflicts between these "zombies" and the camper and counselor population, and no small amount of violence.
These "zombies"--no, these people--are as imprisoned in this encampment as we are. Have we, the campers and counselors of Camp Fuck You Die, forgotten what it means to work with someone else outside those whom we call "our own" towards building a shared future we can all be proud of? Have we held shotguns and swords too long for us to know what it means to grasp that kind of future? Are we still able to put our weapons down and pursue it, or has it already slipped through our fingers, stained with blood as they are?
I'm sure each and every one of us is capable of doing our part to ensure a peaceful tomorrow. For example, although Ms. Tentacles seems rather attached to Pink-chan, I'm certain having my friend returned to me is as simple as asking. Excuse me, Ms. Tentacles--
--no, that isn't how we shake hands to open negotiations.
Poll Vote!
Character: Rinali Lee
Series: D.Gray-man
Character Age: 16
Canon: In an AU Victorian Era, weapons disguised as people ("Akuma") under the command of the mysterious Millennium Earl are out to destroy the human race. In true dramatic form, only one group of people can stand against them--the Dark Religious Organization. Created by the Vatican according to prophecy to combat the Akuma, the members of the Organization are known as Exorcists. These Exorcists are chosen for their ability to synchronize with a mysterious force known as "Innocence," which the Earl is also searching for.
Rinali was taken to the Dark Religious Organization at a very young age. Her older brother Komui followed her and eventually became the Head Officer of the Organization. Rinali's his assistant. She's a sweet girl and generally pretty easy-going. She puts up with her brother's overprotectiveness easily (he's paranoid that she's going to get married without telling him, and threatens anyone who gets too close to her with large implements of DOOM and DESTRUCTION). However, she's not to be underestimated--in battle, she kicks ass (literally, considering her fighting style is all in her legs). She's extremely protective of her friends--they're her whole world. Allen is particularly important to her.
Sample Post:
I don't care if it is tradition around here--I'm not marrying you, so please stop proposing. Anyway, don't you realize how dangerous that is? You could die, or worse. I'm not going to be held responsible if you find yourself on the receiving end of a drill. It's just really a bad idea, honestly!
...Plus, even if we ignore the many reasons we can't get married, I'm not sure where I am. Except that brother said that Allen and Rabi were here and that I was supposed to bring them home. I can see why--it's not exactly safe here! Do those gorillas back there belong to anyone? Only, if so, you might want to collect them. I wouldn't trust them to move on their own. I'd apologize, but I'm actually not sorry at all. Really, if you're going to let wild animals roam around like that, you should at least train them better so that people don't have to defend themselves.
Anyway, um, as I said earlier, I'm only here because I'm looking for two people--maybe you've seen them? Their names are Allen Walker and Rabi Bookman. They're around my age and are probably wearing coats with crosses like mine. Allen's sort of distinctive looking, actually. He has a special arm that--. . .what, you have a special arm, too?
...
That's... very nice. But his is attached to him. Could you, um, put that back where you found it? Thank you.
...Allen and Rabi are doomed, aren't they.
Poll Vote!
We also have some announcements~
ONE. Staying anonymous. Hem. Hem. Hem. Seriously, stop giving yourselves away. We see you doing it. Stop and also no. ): If you were too obvious about who you were apping, we weeded you.
TWO. Counselor apps! Will be July 1st, same time, same place. For those of you who are picking up a fourth character this round, and want to app a counselor for a fifth: APPROVED. It's a special occasion.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. OKAY THE ODDS AREN'T CHANGING, CLOSED.
Character: Kurono Kei
Series: Gantz
Character Age: 16
Canon: Gantz is a series that's not safe for your brain, your sensibility or your sanity. A big black ball picks people who have recently died (usually a violent, unnatural death) and forces them to go on hunts to kill aliens or be killed themselves. Over time, the GANTZers become attuned to the game and learn to operate on a survival sense.
Kurono Kei is our hero. A hero with a great love of porn, big boobs, girls and porn of girls with big boobs. Kei is awkward, cynical and introverted, and likes it that way, damn it. That is, until he and a friend get run over by a train while trying to get a drunk man off the tracks. Kei gets sent to GANTZ instead of heaven, possibly owing to the fact that this was the first selfless action in all his life. In GANTZ, he will see friends and enemies die in gruesome ways before his eyes. This forces him to grow a pair and eventually become the respected and loved by many leader of the GANTZers. This, of course, only lasts until the games are over and he's back to being as hopelessly awkward as ever.
Sample Post:
You think you've seen it all, and then you get sent to a camp in Suckiest of Hellholes, America. With its own Border Patrol composed of a... human-hybrid with half his face falling off, no less. He said that, in compliance with MPAA conditions, I couldn't become a camper until they cut a little cheesecake here and some guts there so that my overall rating became PG-13.
Once I find out who was the genius who came up with the little black balls pastede on yay around my crotch every time I need to take a piss, there's going to be words.
Nice to know some supernatural all-powerful jerk-offs who care about sensibility exist, though. I could really get used to this lack of violence for a change... But hey. Hey, you creepy hybridoid, look at me a second, would you? That's it. Open your eyes just. Like. That.
-! Damned recoil. But. Whoa. Cleanest kill ever. For once I don't have to wipe internal organs off my face like some freaky makeup. Fuckin' A.
Okay, pretty sure I get the gist of this game! Here's how we're gonna do it. The idea is to lose as few campers as we can. And all it needs is a little organization, guys. We wanna get through this alive, right? So, kids and people who don't like fighting, stay in the main camp or hide in the cabins if there's one of the surprise bosses about. The people cosplaying Gundam pilots or ninja, stand aside unless you know how to use a shotgun - Whoa, badass! Okay, that'll do too.
Uhh, and if you're a girl and want to learn to use a gun, just stay close to me, you'll pick up a few tricks. Oh, y-you got a guy? Well, there's no harm in just hanging out for a while, right?
Poll Vote!
Character: Sakuraba Haruto
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 16
Canon: Eyeshield 21 is yet another sports manga that runs in Shounen Jump -- the sport of choice being American football. The series focuses on Kobayakawa Sena and the Deimon Devil Bats as they aim to reach the Christmas Bowl, and the teams they play against along the way.
Seemingly upbeat and self-assured, Sakuraba Haruto is the receiver for the Oujou White Knights, one of the front-running teams in the region. While he is called the 'ace' of the team by fans, Sakuraba is about as average as players come. Football player and student by day, he moonlights as an idol and flounces about modeling and doing commercials (all fully endorsed by his shady manager, of course), which is where his popularity stems from. He's even released a CD single. Nevermind that the boy can't carry a tune! That's what synthesizers are for!
Behind the scenes, Sakuraba constantly dwells on his his average skills as a football player and stresses himself out as he tries to live up to the stories the fans have made up about him on the field. Nevertheless, he tries to keep a good face up when out in front of people and is determined to try his hardest to get better and become an ace in his own right.
Note: Sakuraba is being taken from just before volume 11.
Sample Post:
Hey, guys! Excuse me, you over there! Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt or anything, but it looks like I got turned around just a bit back that way. You wouldn't have happened to see a man that's just a bit shorter than me, with glasses and a gold tooth right here, would you? Wha- no, ma'am, he is not my "sugar daddy." We were going to film a commercial here, but it looks like I got separated from the rest of them somehow.
So, what place did they pick to film this thing at, anyway? I thought they mentioned a name somewhere in my shooting script for it. Ah, let me see ... here, here it is! "Hey, kiddos! Looking for an unforgettable experience this summer that will extend to the next? Wanna question the theories about the water supply and tent pegs? Nevermind your old summer camps with your little pony rides -- in Camp Fuck You Die, pony rides you!"
This script is, ah. Well, it's different for these sorts of things! Say, how does a pony r-- ... Oh.
I, uh. Well, it's probably just a work in progress! And in any case, it seems I even have fans here, too. That's, ah, great, really. Ma'am, you're looking a little unhealthy there, maybe you should go lay down -- w-wow, they're friendly, huh! So, how about the weather! Getting really hot out here, isn't it? I-I think you're going to need that, maybe you should just reattach that uhm. Well, humidity aside, it can't be all that ba--
...
Ma'am, I- no. I'm not signing that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Lina Inverse
Series: The Slayers (Novels)
Age: 16
Canon: Lina Inverse is a cute, short, and flat-chested girl who just-so-happens to be one of the most powerful sorceresses of her era. But since being a beautiful and talented sorceress doesn't pay that well, she frequently moonlights as Lina the Bandit Killer, a horrifying woman who walks into bandit camps, sets them on fire and pilfers the booty for herself while everyone else is trying to remember how to stop, drop and roll.
Lina is short tempered, violent, greedy and something of a sadist. But at the same time still feminine enough to be self conscious about her appearance and want a prince charming to ride up on a white horse and take her away. She also isn't quite as heartless as she lets on, and makes a genuine effort not to hurt innocents with her massive attack spells, no matter how stupid they might be. In the end, all Lina really wants out of life is treasure, copious amounts of food, someone to exchange witty banter with, and maybe a few hapless bandit camps to blow up now and then. Is that so much to ask?
Note: To those familiar with the Slayers anime, the main difference between the two is that Novel!Lina makes a real effort to not blow up cities. Basically, Novel!Lina is Anime!Lina with a conscience.
Sample Post:
You know what I really hate? Wait, can't you guess? Here, I'll make it easy for you. Multiple choice:
What does Lina Inverse really hate?
A) Zombies
B) Zombies
C) Zombies
D) All of the above.
If you circled A, B, C or even D give yourself a big ol' pat on the back, buster, because you are a winner!
That's right; I hate zombies. It's not that they're falling apart (though that's plenty gross) or that they're always after my brains -- because hey, I can't blame anyone for that. It's the stench. Because get this; Zombies? Smell like rotting corpses. Yeah, who'da thunk?
Still, it wouldn't bug me so much except that zombies shouldn't even be here. You see, bandits and zombies aren't really known for socializing all that well, and this is supposed to be bandit territory. And by 'supposed to be' I mean is; because this is a forest, and everyone knows all forests have bandits. It's just a given! The sun rises in the east, water flows downhill, ugly guys have bad dialog, and the woods are chock-full of bandits just waiting for a broke -- er... beautiful young sorceress to come along and relieve them of their ill gotten gains. And give it back to it's rightful owners. Eh hehe, of course.
But back to what I was saying: zombies just aren't the type of villain a girl usually finds in this environment. Maybe I should take this as a sign that someone finally convinced a bunch of bandits that the only thing fearsome about them was their stench? I guess if you told that to a bandit with half a brain he might decide to run with it and voilà! Next thing you know, Plan Zombie Odor Defense is a go!
So there you go. You villagers have yourselves a two-fold infestation here, zombies and bandits and I just happen to be the girl to get rid of them for ya. And lucky for you I take my fees out of the bad guys' wallets and not yours! (Though if you're feeling really grateful, I wouldn't say no to a feast in my honor.) So what do you say, point me in the right direction? I think they're calling themselves the Steaming Blood Brigands? ...or was it the Boiling Sweat Gang? Simmering Spit Squad maybe?
Anyone?
Poll Vote!
Character: Thor Odinson
Series: Marvel Comics, particularly Thor: Son of Asgard limited series
Character Age: Effectively immortal (16 years mature as of T:SoA LS)
Canon: The son and heir of All-Father Odin, ruler of
Asgard, Thor is a warrior-prince of the godly realm and destined to
one day become the God of Thunder, wielding the enchanted warhammer
Mjolnir as one of Earth's Mightiest Heroes. But even gods have their
beginnings, and Thor's is here - in the days of his youth, as he
struggles against his own impulsive nature to prove himself worthy of
his impending destiny.
Thor is fearless, hot-headed, quick to action, and - like most members
of Marvel's divine pantheons - talks like an escapee from the
Renaissance Faire.
Sample Post:
Well met, my campground compatriots!
Long and far have I traveled to reach this place - 'cross the gleaming
Rainbow Bridge that arcs betwixt hallowed Asgard and this, the mortal
plane... Amidst the peaks of snowy Jotunheim, where dwell the fearsome
Frost-giants... And through the dreary void of hopelessness and despair
that men now call Ohio. Rumors of the trials thou doth daily
face hath reached e'en unto the Halls of Odin, my abode. Thy valiant
struggles 'gainst constant tribulation so inspired me - for who couldst
sit idle whilst others dared deadly dangers? Not the Odinson! - and thus
have I come to aid thee in thine hour of need!
So… Here art we all together - gathered in this pestilential marsh,
beleaguered on all sides by foes numerous and uncanny, at the
questionable mercy of a cruel overlord whose capricious whims become
our wretched torments, where each terror-fraught moment might well
prove our last...
Say true, comrades... hast thou e'er enjoyed such grand entertainments?
Why, just this morn was I waylaid 'pon returning from the privy-and
such fine garderobes we hath not e'en in Asgard! - by a veritable
phalanx of those decomposing dullards that lurch vilely about
camp. Oh, 'twas a mighty struggle to win my way clear with the
precious scroll of cleansing-parchment intact, but now rightly do
these curs fear the fury of the Odinson, be he properly trousered or
nay!
Then as I pressed deeper into the fetid swamp, led on by thine
explanatory pamphlets - and methinks, by the by, thy pamphlets be
typographically in error if not outright misleading, for in no way did
these wetlands prove a "fetish swamp" - again was I beset! A ferocious...
swamp... serpent, with teeth like daggers and a hide wonderfully fit for
fashioning ladies' handbags, sprang 'pon me from the murk! Verily, if
not for the aid of yon khaki-clad stranger, I would hath been
overcome.
Now do I venture once more, seeking that place of peril and mystery
known only as... "the Craft Area"?
So be it! There shall I... ah... Plait a lanyard! A mighty lanyard!
Yea, a lanyard mighty enough to bind e'en the Midgard Serpent in its
coils!
WHO STANDS WITH ME?!
...?
Be not timid, friends - there is gimp and glory enough for all!
Poll Vote!
Character: Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie
Series: Veronica Mars
Character Age: 18
Canon: If Veronica Mars is the spunky teenage girl detective equivalent of James Bond, then Mac is her Q. Mac is Neptune High School's resident computer nerd; she's a whiz at anything related to electronics and the web. She has gadgets and gizmos a plenty, and has no qualms about milking the allowances of the rich kids of her high school in order to buy herself a new VW bug. (She creates and implements an internet "purity test" that allows students to buy their peers' results for $10. Mac makes bank.) She's softspoken but quick-witted and clever; she banters with the best of them. She's also openminded -- but still teenager enough to think that the principal's nerdy son is traumatizing to go to prom with.
Spoilers continue in white! Mac hires Veronica to investigate her parents because she's always felt that she doesn't belong: they're more "nachos and NASCAR" and she's more "falafels and Fellini". Veronica discovers that Mac was switched at birth at the hospital; Mac should have grown up in a rich home with class, its own library, and multiple family trips around the world. She ultimately accepts that she was instead given to a family that goes on biannual camping trips to the boonies, but only just.
Also, permission was granted by all parties mentioned in this app!
Sample Post:
It wasn't like it was hard to find -- it was one of Youtube's daily featured videos. I just got curious -- who posts videos about dead fiances and emergency defense mechanisms? What's "CFUD" mean exactly? Okay, so it's the internet and I should've googled it and these things shouldn't be all that surprising, but I figured I could do a quick check and see where it'd been posted from. Mostly I wanted to see if it was one of those MMORPGs, only with definitive crazy camp director flair! I could sit back and mock.
Let me say, Miss Biztheinsane (if that's even your real name), this does not look like Maine. Either you've got programs set up to alter your IP and thus your location -- and it's not hard, Tor and Piroxy are easy enough to figure out -- or there's something going on here that's really messed up. I figured it was just a joke anyway, but when someone wakes up to a masked guy -- he looked really... furry. But I think the color was a trick of the light -- hulking over her bed one starts to figure out really fast that it's not a joke. And it should be. Because what, is this a set for a cancelled Jason movie? Or a reality TV show? If it's a reality show then it's gonna be on AMC or something, isn't it. "Watch as we use old horror movie sets to surprise unsuspecting co-eds." Really funny. The impersonators are a good touch too -- unless they all just got lost on their way to a convention.
I have to wonder why it's all Livejournal based. So easy to get into and -- not at all secure, y'know? They try, but you can still get around it. And don't you get sick of the crashes? "Oh no, I can't comment because LJ hates me ;_;" and that. And oh, it's really nice that you gave me this laptop to work with, but I brought my own. MacBook Pro -- got it for graduation. I've modded it a little, applied the thermal gel myself! So you can... throw this in the lake if you --. You guys have a big budget, don't you? Animatronics, right, with the tentacles and the --.
I'm not going to jump to conclusions or anything but you really need to fire your make-up crew. Those dismembered limbs don't look realistic at all. ... Neither do the walking dead. Too much rot, not enough maggots?
...
So there's this option I have to make my own widgets. For my computer. And I think I'm gonna get started on "today's zombie forecast".
Poll Vote!
Character: Lacus Clyne
Series: Gundam Seed
Character Age: 18, as of Gundam Seed Destiny.
Canon: Amid all the fighting and xenophobia and giant robots and things that go on in the Cosmic Era, amid all the nasty cloak-and-dagger politics and red-tape technicalities, there is a voice of reason heard on every radio station in and out of PLANT: Lacus Clyne, daughter of the late leader of PLANT Siegel Clyne and famous singing idol.
Although Lacus acts and seems rather naïve and clueless when she's first introduced, over the course of both series it becomes clear she's got quite a bit going on in that pink head of hers--she's a politician, a pacifist, and a battleship commander. She steals mobile suits for her boyfriend and can create two-page motivational speeches in her head in the blink of an eye. She treats everyone she meets with kindness, patience, and respect, and those who fail to return the favor may find themselves facing Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala, a military force, or a legion of fanboys. Oh, yeah, and the Haros. Can't forget the Haros. That one in particular would be Lacus's very own Pink-chan, as mentioned below.
Sample Post:
I must say, I've never seen a summer camp like this before! This is a very unique place, isn't it? The moment I arrived, I saw things I'd only imagined.. Pink-chan already seems rather fondly acquainted with the many forms of wildlife here. ...and he seems to have fallen in the lake again. Ms. Tentacles, if you wouldn't mind--no, not that fondly acquainted, I'm afraid. There are even people who have been fortunate enough to find futures for themselves even after dying. "Zombies," was it?
I asked the crowd of them that greeted me about my friends, a number of whom have been missing for quite some time--imagine my surprise when I learned they were all here! But after seeing something of what this camp is like and the trials everyone faces here, I believe it's good that they came. I'm sure they've been working hard with all of you towards solving this murder mystery and putting everyone's hearts, including the director's, at ease.
Ah, I almost forgot to introduce myself! My name is Lacus Clyne, and this is Pink-chan. Now that I'm here, I promise to do my best as well. Though after having spent some time with the locals, it would appear that there exists a number of conflicts between these "zombies" and the camper and counselor population, and no small amount of violence.
These "zombies"--no, these people--are as imprisoned in this encampment as we are. Have we, the campers and counselors of Camp Fuck You Die, forgotten what it means to work with someone else outside those whom we call "our own" towards building a shared future we can all be proud of? Have we held shotguns and swords too long for us to know what it means to grasp that kind of future? Are we still able to put our weapons down and pursue it, or has it already slipped through our fingers, stained with blood as they are?
I'm sure each and every one of us is capable of doing our part to ensure a peaceful tomorrow. For example, although Ms. Tentacles seems rather attached to Pink-chan, I'm certain having my friend returned to me is as simple as asking. Excuse me, Ms. Tentacles--
--no, that isn't how we shake hands to open negotiations.
Poll Vote!
Character: Rinali Lee
Series: D.Gray-man
Character Age: 16
Canon: In an AU Victorian Era, weapons disguised as people ("Akuma") under the command of the mysterious Millennium Earl are out to destroy the human race. In true dramatic form, only one group of people can stand against them--the Dark Religious Organization. Created by the Vatican according to prophecy to combat the Akuma, the members of the Organization are known as Exorcists. These Exorcists are chosen for their ability to synchronize with a mysterious force known as "Innocence," which the Earl is also searching for.
Rinali was taken to the Dark Religious Organization at a very young age. Her older brother Komui followed her and eventually became the Head Officer of the Organization. Rinali's his assistant. She's a sweet girl and generally pretty easy-going. She puts up with her brother's overprotectiveness easily (he's paranoid that she's going to get married without telling him, and threatens anyone who gets too close to her with large implements of DOOM and DESTRUCTION). However, she's not to be underestimated--in battle, she kicks ass (literally, considering her fighting style is all in her legs). She's extremely protective of her friends--they're her whole world. Allen is particularly important to her.
Sample Post:
I don't care if it is tradition around here--I'm not marrying you, so please stop proposing. Anyway, don't you realize how dangerous that is? You could die, or worse. I'm not going to be held responsible if you find yourself on the receiving end of a drill. It's just really a bad idea, honestly!
...Plus, even if we ignore the many reasons we can't get married, I'm not sure where I am. Except that brother said that Allen and Rabi were here and that I was supposed to bring them home. I can see why--it's not exactly safe here! Do those gorillas back there belong to anyone? Only, if so, you might want to collect them. I wouldn't trust them to move on their own. I'd apologize, but I'm actually not sorry at all. Really, if you're going to let wild animals roam around like that, you should at least train them better so that people don't have to defend themselves.
Anyway, um, as I said earlier, I'm only here because I'm looking for two people--maybe you've seen them? Their names are Allen Walker and Rabi Bookman. They're around my age and are probably wearing coats with crosses like mine. Allen's sort of distinctive looking, actually. He has a special arm that--. . .what, you have a special arm, too?
...
That's... very nice. But his is attached to him. Could you, um, put that back where you found it? Thank you.
...Allen and Rabi are doomed, aren't they.
Poll Vote!