(no subject)
... holy crap, thirty apps in roughly an hour and a half. Time for the early batch! As always, apps will be open until 6 AM EST on September 9th.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Looks like we're good to go. Closed!
Character: Katou Yue
Series: Angel Sanctuary
Age: high school upperclassman
Canon: Life pretty much sucks for Mudou Setsuna. Not only is he a high school delinquant in love with his sister Sara, but it turns out he's the reincarnation of the angel Alexiel, exiled from heaven for rebellion. Oh, and he's the Messiah, thrust into not only the ongoing war between Heaven and Hell, but the politics of Heaven, which've gotten pretty interesting since God disappeared. And that's not even getting into Alexiel's twin brother Rocial and his creepy obsession with making Setsuna's life difficult.
Katou starts of as a random druggie at Setsuna's high school who one day buys from someone other than his regular dealer and finds himself, well, dead. It's only in the Underworld that he becomes a major character, as Setsuna's guide. He eventually gets a physical body from the Archangel Uriel, from then on his "master," made out of plant matter and agrees to help Setsuna in his battles. Katou's a punk, basically--he's loud, abraisive, and tries his best to pretend that he doesn't care about anyone. Despite this, he shows himself to actually be brave and self-sacrificing (though he'd hate for anyone to say so) , as well as dedicated to the Messiah.
Sample Post:
Okay, kids. Time for a pop quiz! The question? "What does Katou wish he'd never seen but got an eyeful of it anyway?" Is it:
A) My insides on the outsides. Intestines are really pretty grody.
B) The Messiah singing in the shower. Just. Trust me on this one.
C) Your mom.
D) The real connection between toucans and Fruit Loops, graphically illustrated. I mean, jeez. Wouldn't that chafe?
E) All of the above.
If you answered E, you win a prize! The prize of knowing just how screwed up my life has gotten. Especially because of that last one. I mean, I used to think angels and demons and incest (oh my!) was pretty weird, but. You run a real special place here, Director-lady. I'm thinking you should fire your landscaper. 'Cause they get a full twelve out of ten for creativity, but unless my Master left something out about this body of mine being an inter-species plant-attracting love machine, fronds don't go there. But. Actually, y'know, I think I saw a porno like that once. With a triple-breasted alien hooker and her space midget lover-- ooooor maybe I just hallucinated it. That's always possible.
Pretty sure I'm not hallucinating this place, though. For one thing, I'm not sure if I can get high anymore since the whole dying thing happened. There's also the part where my trips involve less dramatic slow-motion clashes between rebel squirrel factions. "You may take our nuts, but you'll never take our freedom"? Look, I might be twisted, but even my imagination isn't that fucking weird.
...eh. Well. I've seen worse. As long as I've got my cigarettes, I'm goo--
...
Fucking squirrels took my fucking smokes! Oh, that's it, you furry bastards are going down. What? No, that doesn't count as fur-bashing!
Poll Vote!
Character: Willow Danielle Rosenberg
Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Wiki for Willow and Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Age: 18
Canon: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the story of a tiny blonde girl who kicks ass and takes names with snappy and witty repartee. But what would a hero be without their loyal friends? Willow is one of Buffy's closest friends and assists in her battle against untold forces of evil and resisting the the temptation that the undead offer. What Willow provides is technical support - she's a skilled hacker - and magical ability, in addition to mad research skills.
Although initially she was a shy loner with a light, risque sense of humor, Willow has come into her own as part of the support team as a result of her gaining control over her innate magical ability. That said, she still feels ashamed of her roots and has a lot of self-confidence issues. Taken from the middle of season 4, Willow is in her first year of college and in a same-sex relationship with a fellow student.
Sample Post:
I've been here for only a few hours and I've already met the condom fairy! I guess, with the living on the hellmouth and all, a six foot tall male fairy wearing pink glittery stockings throwing condoms at me should be normal. Most of the demons I've met though, they're into the destruction and not so much the contraception. I tried telling him that contraception really wouldn't be a problem with me, but it got really awkward so I took the little condom sword to demonstrate why I would need contraception in the first place. Freud would love this guy.
Looking back though, I should have asked him for directions, because I'm looking for Buffy and Xander. But he was kinda icky and I didn't really want to ask someone for directions while they were holding condoms like a sword. I guess I could ask one of the zombies but I'm not very good at communicating with them yet. I think I offended one earlier; I didn't know I could literally talk his ears off! I'd apologize, but I don't know how to say that yet - is it braiiiins or braiins? I'll keep trying. Would he be able to hear me? If I speak and he can't hear me, have I really apologized? It's like one of those philosophical questions but with less philosophy and more of bits dropping off.
I need to stop thinking about zombies who want my brains - why is it always the demons who love me for my brains? - because Buffy and Xander are here and they might need my help. Giles wouldn't put Buffy in danger, right? Right? I mean, it doesn't seem so bad and they might just be here on a holiday but ... If anyone knows where they are, I'd be really grateful, and we can all go home, never to come back here again. Hey ... if everyone gets issued with these laptops when they first arrive, would anyone mind if I left and came back a few times?
...no. Bad Willow. We need to get ourselves home first. They wouldn't notice me coming back a few times, would they?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kakei Shun
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 16
Canon: Eyeshield 21, like most other sports manga, features a wide variety of rival teams that the protagonists, the Deimon Devil Bats, must face and win against in order to achieve their goal of playing in the Christmas Bowl. One such rival team member is Kakei Shun, the tall linebacker for the Kyoshin Poseidon.
Serious almost to a fault, Kakei is completely devoted to his team and ensuring that they move onto the semi-finals, so that he can meet the Eyeshield 21 that he met in America on the field once more. Upon meeting Kobayakawa Sena's Eyeshield 21, he immediately denounces him as a fake and swears to defeat the imposter, no matter what.
Needless to say? Kakei Has Issues and spends much of his time slamming down teacups while making said dramatic statements. He takes his training and everything it includes very seriously, to the point where he's a bit of a dork about it. Beneath his strict demeanor, though, is a young man who really does care a lot about his team, particularly the enthusiastic Mizumachi, and works as hard as he can so that they can succeed -- even if it does make him look absolutely ridiculous at times.
Sample Post:
This is not the real Camp Fak-ah-Di.
Campers, I hate to be the one to tell you this. I realize that several of you have made your way out here with high hopes; that perhaps a highly regarded camp such as this could expand your horizons and "open new doors that you never thought possible," as the pamphlet would tell you in so many words.
Not true.
The director of this grotesque establishment has been lying to you. I had high hopes for a place much like this once, and did not settle for cheap knock-offs like "Camp Falcon Horse Lover" or "Camp Lil Angels Kids Spa." I attended the true Camp Fak-ah-Di two years ago, and this dump hardly compares to the real thing. Where is the equipment? Helmets for your football players, saddles for the equestrians, even canoes for the youngest of campers? The camp that I was familiar with had everything a camper could possibly need right at their fingertips.
And yet, there is nothing here save for old shotguns and half-eaten oars. The best that I have found here, if one could even define it as equipment, is a perky, bug-eyed paperclip by the name of "Clippy" that insists on popping up at the most inopportune moments and asking me if I require help with anything. No, I do not want to save my document.
That does not even begin to scratch the surface of how much this fake director has corrupted the good name of the camp I knew . . . but I may have been too fast to discount Madame and this false camp's ability to open such "new doors." I can see why many of you would choose to settle for less, since you apparently believe that the invasive flora and fauna provide far more of a challenge than the usual obstacle course. I won't even begin to cover the abilities of your rotting opponents -- I'm certain you've heard about them ad nauseum. Nevertheless, such things fail to compare to what this camp should really be, bearing the name of Fak--
--ah, one moment. Excuse me? . . . this is Camp "Fuck You Die?"
. . . Believe me, Camp. It's mutual.
Poll Vote!
Character: Mizumachi Kengo
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 15
Canon: As do all main teams in a sports manga, the Deimon
Devilbats in Eyeshield 21 have to overcome rival teams for each game, and
one of these teams is the Kyoshin Poseidon. This team's sudden rise in
excellence was due to the switch to tall players, one such ace being the
"evolving genius" Mizumachi Kengo.
Innocent, passionate, confident, with just a dash of arrogance - this is
Mizumachi in a nutshell. Mizumachi never aims for second best; why go for
second when you can be first? Once he sets his sights on a goal, he'll work
insanely hard towards it (eg. training in an outdoor pool in dead winter for
a swimming competition). All he ever really wanted was a team who shared his
motivation. Finally, he found it in Kakei and the football team Kakei
attracted him into. It's safe to assume that Kakei and Mizumachi are now
good, if not best, friends.
Of course, like every good ace, Mizumachi has Issues, partly caused by his
extremely gullible nature. Tell him you're the King of England and he may
very well believe you. Thanks to his former place in the swim team, he also
has a tendency to take off his clothes, usually when he sees large bodies of
water.
Sample Post:
POOOSEIIIDOOOON~! Poooseiiidoon
Poooseeiidoon
Man, I love the echoes! This place you've got here is just way too awesome!
Dense forest, dark caves, playful animals, echoes... speaking of
playful animals, I even found a pet here! It's got this huuuge slimey body,
and tiny beady eyes on two tiny little stems, looks kinda like a gigantic
slug. I'm guessing it's some sort of American variant of a slug with really
sharp teeth. It's not as fuzzy as my pet ferret, but it sure likes to play
fetch. Brings back something different every time too!
Watch this: FETCH THE STICK, SLUG.
......
Slug's still kinda slow but he'll be the fastest slug in the world after our
training! Anyway, while Slug's looking for that stick, can anyone tell me
where the lake is? 'least, I heard there was a lake. Map doesn't tell
me much. This Camp - something or other - Die is already great without a
lake, but if this swimmer Mizumachi Kengo could actually swim a few hundred
laps somewhere, I might make it my second home!
You know, I could even go swimming with the natives. They prefer to
experience that refreshing breeze in the privates the same way I do, it's
great! Last night, they insisted on some tribal dance thing called
"Braaains", so we kinda shuffled around and bumped into each other. Don't
think it was much of a dance but a ritual's a ritual right?
Hey look, Slug's brought back a hand! Great job, Slug!
--wait a minute.
Poll Vote!
Character: Dante
Series: Devil May Cry 3
Age: 19
Canon: In a time when humanity was being ruthlessly slaughtered and enslaved by beings of darkness, one demon stood up to his own kind and shoved them back into Hell, locking the gates in their faces. Thus he became known as the Legendary Demon Knight Sparda. Some two thousand years later he shacked up with a human woman and produced two twin sons, Dante and Vergil.
Dante is the 'good' son to his brother's 'evil'. Yes, the apostrophes denote relativity. Because while Dante certainly does save the day and the girl and the rest of the world, he does it more for the chance to look cool and (try to) get laid than because of any functional moral compass. Dante's main goals in life are to eat a lot of pizza, kill a lot of evil stuff, and party hard. His idea of a party involves fraternity classics like playing guitar on the embodied soul of a dead vampire, air surfing on heat seeking missiles, and riding a motorcycle up a hundred-story tower (extra points if it blows up at the end because you beat too many demons to death with it. Sry Lady). He uses his two handguns, Ebony and Ivory, to help him wreak havoc.
At heart, Dante is a good little protagonist who can, with a straight face, give speeches about doing the right thing because his Soul Tells him Too. But such aspects only appear in dire, end-of-game circumstances. In day to day affairs Dante is cocky, independent, lazy, indifferent to your boring emo, and an all around jackass. Since he isn't very social, he mostly talks to himself or demons he's about to kill, or is killing. Typically he monologues with the use of bad dialog, puns, and other horrible one-liners. By the end of the game, Dante is marginally less of a jerk and marginally more hero-y, as he does promise to help Lady kill all demons.
Sample Post:
Hey there bud. Let me guess, you’re kinda lonely, right? I can tell by the way you’re falling all to pieces just looking at me. Well ache no more, cuz I’ve got a problem I need to work through, and you’ve got at least one good ear to listen.
Now picture this; it’s a normal day. You haven’t killed anything yet and the only call you’ve gotten is that one girl… Milly or Martha or Megan or whatever it was, wanting to know if you’ve found the bra she lost when she was over. Yeah, I can see you probably don’t get that one a lot. But pretend you look like me, and not like you, and you’ll see why this is a daily routine for me.
Anyway, you’re bored and Maggie is too busy to come over and help you look for that lingerie herself. Her loss.
So when you finally get another call, and it’s from a chick… no, a real babe. Then you think things might be looking up. She knows all the right things to say too - demons, hell, help us, Dante, you’re our only hope. You do what any demon hunter does at that point. You ask her where the party is.
She tells you Louisiana.
And you know what you do then? Bingo! You hang up. I could tell by the amount of gray matter coming out of your nose that you’re a smart guy.
See, you fit right in here. The shambling thing? Real swamp-like. But me, I'm built for the city. The concrete jungle. So I tell her to find someone more local, someone in less red leather, and send her on her way. But now I'm starting to get the idea there was something fishy about that lady. Cuz even though I hung up on her, here I am. Seem strange to you?
No, don't nod, buddy. You're head's going t--
Shit. There it went. I told you. Here, let me get that for you. Screw it on tight this time.
Now here’s the thing. I don’t have anything against magic, but when it’s used to beam me up into the middle of nowhere land, I start to get a little angry. But the worst part, bud? The very worst part! Is that I get here and I don’t see a real demon anywhere.
All I see, and all I smell, is guys like you. And don’t take this the wrong way, but zombies are the very bottom of the demonic food chain. Killing all of you isn’t worth the dirt on my boots, anyone could do it. So, why me?
You don’t know? Don’t shake your-
Damn. There it went again. Look, I’ll let my lady Ebony take care of it for you this time. And if you see anyone I know on your way down to hell? Tell em Dante says hi.
Poll Vote!
Character: Vergil Sparda.
Series: Devil May Cry.
Age: 19 years old.
Canon: In Devil May Cry, Jesus has been replaced by a demon known as the Legendary Dark Knight Sparda, who's contribution to mankind is not dying for our sins but killing a shitload of demons, kicking the Prince of Darkness's ass all the way back to his home turf, and slamming the door to the human world straight in their faces, lock it up and throw away the key. Unfortunately, this means that most of his own demonic power is sealed within the demon world, which leads to embarrassment some thousand years later when demons eventually start pouring out and kill him and his wife, leaving his twin sons to fend for themselves. This does not go very well.
Vergil is the oldest son, and a far cry from his father's heroic image. More like an ice-cold, aloof and nihilistic drama-queen than a heroic protector, Vergil cares only for obtaining his father's sealed power and will skewer anyone who gets in his way, including his own brother. His worst enemy is his emotional instability: despite eventually obtaining his father's power, Vergil is defeated by his focused and slightly more idealistic brother Dante, whereupon he leaves the human world in disgrace and exiles himself in the demon world.
Unfortunately for him, previously mentioned Prince of Darkness finds and defeats him there, forcing him to spend the rest of his life as a brainwashed puppet.
Sample Post:
So this is what it feels like to lose your last shred of sanity. Like being thrown into a wet, humid swamp-land and have phallic demons crawl up your pants.
Not quite what I expected.
For if this is not the result of my mind caving under the power of Mundus, I don't know what it is. This place is like something out of a medieval tragedy: the fallen warrior finds himself trapped within a prison of his own making, forever haunted by monsters symbolizing his insecurities and failings… a pity I can't remember what tragic memories I associate with an underwear-tree.
The same goes for this entire place. It's disappointing. Are the gorillas supposed to be an insult to my lineage? I would expect more clever barbs than Darwinian puns from someone who's had two milleniums to gather material. If I felt generous I could admit to the walking dead resembling some unfortunate souls who've stood in my way, their spirits having returned from the great beyond to haunt me… but expecting "Wallow in the despair of your innocent and unfortunate victims, oh wicked one" and receiving "Braiiins" did a good job of eliminating that impulse.
If these pathetic illusions are all you can drag from the murky corners of my mind Mundus then you may as well release me! No son of Sparda will stand to be mocked in this fashion, taunted by this second-grade nightmare realm! Do you think there is anything you can do to me at this point but… send me mail?
How quaint. The Dark Lord wishes to indulge in correspondence! Is it perhaps beneath you to face me, failure that I am? Or is it all a game to you, to be played until you grow tired of your new toy? I see your hand and I accept the stakes. I will face your link with… "page after page of hot twincest action" with my head held high and my gaze unwavering, as befits a son of… Sparda… on another son of Sparda.
Twincest is it? Truly, a concept worthy of that most depraved of minds.
A draw, Prince of Darkness. This is nothing but a draw.
Poll Vote!
Character: Seta Soujirou
Series: Rurouni Kenshin
Age: 18
Canon: In the midst of the unstable times of the Meiji Era, an
ex-assassin named Makoto Shishio seeks to seize control of Japan and alter
society from the very roots by eliminating those deemed too weak to serve
any use to the world. To assist him, Shishio possesses a formidable human
weapon in the form of a feminine young man by the name of Seta Soujirou who
serves as his right hand man, personal assassin, diplomat to possible
recruits, and errand boy.
One of the most noticeable things about Soujirou is that he never stops
smiling, having repressed all his emotions except for that of comfort. So,
when talking with others, he's extremely polite, friendly, and even giggly.
However, while he may look non-threatening, he is a skilled and ruthless
swordsman who is nicknamed Tenken, or "Heaven's Sword." His trademark move
is the Shukuchi, which enables him to move so quickly that he can't even be
seen. Oh yeah, and he has a stereotypical angsty past, but this is Soujirou
prior to the brain breakage à la Himura Kenshin and it's not a topic that
comes up in general conversation.
Insane? Quite likely. He'll slit your throat and never lose his grin. Not in
a particularly vindictive way, more of a "so sorry, but you are the weakest
link, goodbye!" sort of fashion. One must be civil about these
things.
Sample Post:
Well, this is a funny sort of place! I decide to take a little shortcut
through the woods to save time, and now I'm afraid that the pastries I
bought for everyone will spoil before I can reach home. I've never seen a
path such as this before, I must admit! Regrettably, I have already lost one
of my sandals to that fantastic patch of muck around the corner. Would
someone be so kind as to point the way to Kyoto?
Oh, how ill-mannered! I've forgotten to introduce myself.
My name is Seta Soujirou, and I speak on the behalf of Shishio-san and the
Juppongatana. We're a friendly, non-profit organization dedicated to the
cleansing of society by the, ah, removal of unsuitable elements! However,
for some strange reason, members are hard to come by. If you'd like to give
us a chance and don't mind a slight only slight, really! risk
of permanent injury or death, please come forward now!
Ah, you there! I can almost see the passion of battle alight in your eyes!
At least, I think that's what it is. Come now, don't be shy,
give me your name and you'll be on the front lines in no time at all!
...now, sir, I know you're eager to prove your strength, but could you
please relax your grip on my wrist? Interestingly enough, my fingertips do
require a decent flow of blood, and they're starting to turn the same color
as your skin.
Really now. I've asked politely, and I hate to be rude, but this sort of
behavior is quite unacceptable for a soldier under Shishio-sa--ahhh, there's
no need to bite! Well, if you must insist on this
foolishness--
....
How admirable! Even after decapitation, you're still standing and ready to
continue the grand fight for existence! I do believe that earns you a
pastry. ♥
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Looks like we're good to go. Closed!
Character: Katou Yue
Series: Angel Sanctuary
Age: high school upperclassman
Canon: Life pretty much sucks for Mudou Setsuna. Not only is he a high school delinquant in love with his sister Sara, but it turns out he's the reincarnation of the angel Alexiel, exiled from heaven for rebellion. Oh, and he's the Messiah, thrust into not only the ongoing war between Heaven and Hell, but the politics of Heaven, which've gotten pretty interesting since God disappeared. And that's not even getting into Alexiel's twin brother Rocial and his creepy obsession with making Setsuna's life difficult.
Katou starts of as a random druggie at Setsuna's high school who one day buys from someone other than his regular dealer and finds himself, well, dead. It's only in the Underworld that he becomes a major character, as Setsuna's guide. He eventually gets a physical body from the Archangel Uriel, from then on his "master," made out of plant matter and agrees to help Setsuna in his battles. Katou's a punk, basically--he's loud, abraisive, and tries his best to pretend that he doesn't care about anyone. Despite this, he shows himself to actually be brave and self-sacrificing (though he'd hate for anyone to say so) , as well as dedicated to the Messiah.
Sample Post:
Okay, kids. Time for a pop quiz! The question? "What does Katou wish he'd never seen but got an eyeful of it anyway?" Is it:
A) My insides on the outsides. Intestines are really pretty grody.
B) The Messiah singing in the shower. Just. Trust me on this one.
C) Your mom.
D) The real connection between toucans and Fruit Loops, graphically illustrated. I mean, jeez. Wouldn't that chafe?
E) All of the above.
If you answered E, you win a prize! The prize of knowing just how screwed up my life has gotten. Especially because of that last one. I mean, I used to think angels and demons and incest (oh my!) was pretty weird, but. You run a real special place here, Director-lady. I'm thinking you should fire your landscaper. 'Cause they get a full twelve out of ten for creativity, but unless my Master left something out about this body of mine being an inter-species plant-attracting love machine, fronds don't go there. But. Actually, y'know, I think I saw a porno like that once. With a triple-breasted alien hooker and her space midget lover-- ooooor maybe I just hallucinated it. That's always possible.
Pretty sure I'm not hallucinating this place, though. For one thing, I'm not sure if I can get high anymore since the whole dying thing happened. There's also the part where my trips involve less dramatic slow-motion clashes between rebel squirrel factions. "You may take our nuts, but you'll never take our freedom"? Look, I might be twisted, but even my imagination isn't that fucking weird.
...eh. Well. I've seen worse. As long as I've got my cigarettes, I'm goo--
...
Fucking squirrels took my fucking smokes! Oh, that's it, you furry bastards are going down. What? No, that doesn't count as fur-bashing!
Poll Vote!
Character: Willow Danielle Rosenberg
Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Wiki for Willow and Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Age: 18
Canon: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the story of a tiny blonde girl who kicks ass and takes names with snappy and witty repartee. But what would a hero be without their loyal friends? Willow is one of Buffy's closest friends and assists in her battle against untold forces of evil and resisting the the temptation that the undead offer. What Willow provides is technical support - she's a skilled hacker - and magical ability, in addition to mad research skills.
Although initially she was a shy loner with a light, risque sense of humor, Willow has come into her own as part of the support team as a result of her gaining control over her innate magical ability. That said, she still feels ashamed of her roots and has a lot of self-confidence issues. Taken from the middle of season 4, Willow is in her first year of college and in a same-sex relationship with a fellow student.
Sample Post:
I've been here for only a few hours and I've already met the condom fairy! I guess, with the living on the hellmouth and all, a six foot tall male fairy wearing pink glittery stockings throwing condoms at me should be normal. Most of the demons I've met though, they're into the destruction and not so much the contraception. I tried telling him that contraception really wouldn't be a problem with me, but it got really awkward so I took the little condom sword to demonstrate why I would need contraception in the first place. Freud would love this guy.
Looking back though, I should have asked him for directions, because I'm looking for Buffy and Xander. But he was kinda icky and I didn't really want to ask someone for directions while they were holding condoms like a sword. I guess I could ask one of the zombies but I'm not very good at communicating with them yet. I think I offended one earlier; I didn't know I could literally talk his ears off! I'd apologize, but I don't know how to say that yet - is it braiiiins or braiins? I'll keep trying. Would he be able to hear me? If I speak and he can't hear me, have I really apologized? It's like one of those philosophical questions but with less philosophy and more of bits dropping off.
I need to stop thinking about zombies who want my brains - why is it always the demons who love me for my brains? - because Buffy and Xander are here and they might need my help. Giles wouldn't put Buffy in danger, right? Right? I mean, it doesn't seem so bad and they might just be here on a holiday but ... If anyone knows where they are, I'd be really grateful, and we can all go home, never to come back here again. Hey ... if everyone gets issued with these laptops when they first arrive, would anyone mind if I left and came back a few times?
...no. Bad Willow. We need to get ourselves home first. They wouldn't notice me coming back a few times, would they?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kakei Shun
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 16
Canon: Eyeshield 21, like most other sports manga, features a wide variety of rival teams that the protagonists, the Deimon Devil Bats, must face and win against in order to achieve their goal of playing in the Christmas Bowl. One such rival team member is Kakei Shun, the tall linebacker for the Kyoshin Poseidon.
Serious almost to a fault, Kakei is completely devoted to his team and ensuring that they move onto the semi-finals, so that he can meet the Eyeshield 21 that he met in America on the field once more. Upon meeting Kobayakawa Sena's Eyeshield 21, he immediately denounces him as a fake and swears to defeat the imposter, no matter what.
Needless to say? Kakei Has Issues and spends much of his time slamming down teacups while making said dramatic statements. He takes his training and everything it includes very seriously, to the point where he's a bit of a dork about it. Beneath his strict demeanor, though, is a young man who really does care a lot about his team, particularly the enthusiastic Mizumachi, and works as hard as he can so that they can succeed -- even if it does make him look absolutely ridiculous at times.
Sample Post:
This is not the real Camp Fak-ah-Di.
Campers, I hate to be the one to tell you this. I realize that several of you have made your way out here with high hopes; that perhaps a highly regarded camp such as this could expand your horizons and "open new doors that you never thought possible," as the pamphlet would tell you in so many words.
Not true.
The director of this grotesque establishment has been lying to you. I had high hopes for a place much like this once, and did not settle for cheap knock-offs like "Camp Falcon Horse Lover" or "Camp Lil Angels Kids Spa." I attended the true Camp Fak-ah-Di two years ago, and this dump hardly compares to the real thing. Where is the equipment? Helmets for your football players, saddles for the equestrians, even canoes for the youngest of campers? The camp that I was familiar with had everything a camper could possibly need right at their fingertips.
And yet, there is nothing here save for old shotguns and half-eaten oars. The best that I have found here, if one could even define it as equipment, is a perky, bug-eyed paperclip by the name of "Clippy" that insists on popping up at the most inopportune moments and asking me if I require help with anything. No, I do not want to save my document.
That does not even begin to scratch the surface of how much this fake director has corrupted the good name of the camp I knew . . . but I may have been too fast to discount Madame and this false camp's ability to open such "new doors." I can see why many of you would choose to settle for less, since you apparently believe that the invasive flora and fauna provide far more of a challenge than the usual obstacle course. I won't even begin to cover the abilities of your rotting opponents -- I'm certain you've heard about them ad nauseum. Nevertheless, such things fail to compare to what this camp should really be, bearing the name of Fak--
--ah, one moment. Excuse me? . . . this is Camp "Fuck You Die?"
. . . Believe me, Camp. It's mutual.
Poll Vote!
Character: Mizumachi Kengo
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 15
Canon: As do all main teams in a sports manga, the Deimon
Devilbats in Eyeshield 21 have to overcome rival teams for each game, and
one of these teams is the Kyoshin Poseidon. This team's sudden rise in
excellence was due to the switch to tall players, one such ace being the
"evolving genius" Mizumachi Kengo.
Innocent, passionate, confident, with just a dash of arrogance - this is
Mizumachi in a nutshell. Mizumachi never aims for second best; why go for
second when you can be first? Once he sets his sights on a goal, he'll work
insanely hard towards it (eg. training in an outdoor pool in dead winter for
a swimming competition). All he ever really wanted was a team who shared his
motivation. Finally, he found it in Kakei and the football team Kakei
attracted him into. It's safe to assume that Kakei and Mizumachi are now
good, if not best, friends.
Of course, like every good ace, Mizumachi has Issues, partly caused by his
extremely gullible nature. Tell him you're the King of England and he may
very well believe you. Thanks to his former place in the swim team, he also
has a tendency to take off his clothes, usually when he sees large bodies of
water.
Sample Post:
POOOSEIIIDOOOON~! Poooseiiidoon
Poooseeiidoon
Man, I love the echoes! This place you've got here is just way too awesome!
Dense forest, dark caves, playful animals, echoes... speaking of
playful animals, I even found a pet here! It's got this huuuge slimey body,
and tiny beady eyes on two tiny little stems, looks kinda like a gigantic
slug. I'm guessing it's some sort of American variant of a slug with really
sharp teeth. It's not as fuzzy as my pet ferret, but it sure likes to play
fetch. Brings back something different every time too!
Watch this: FETCH THE STICK, SLUG.
......
Slug's still kinda slow but he'll be the fastest slug in the world after our
training! Anyway, while Slug's looking for that stick, can anyone tell me
where the lake is? 'least, I heard there was a lake. Map doesn't tell
me much. This Camp - something or other - Die is already great without a
lake, but if this swimmer Mizumachi Kengo could actually swim a few hundred
laps somewhere, I might make it my second home!
You know, I could even go swimming with the natives. They prefer to
experience that refreshing breeze in the privates the same way I do, it's
great! Last night, they insisted on some tribal dance thing called
"Braaains", so we kinda shuffled around and bumped into each other. Don't
think it was much of a dance but a ritual's a ritual right?
Hey look, Slug's brought back a hand! Great job, Slug!
--wait a minute.
Poll Vote!
Character: Dante
Series: Devil May Cry 3
Age: 19
Canon: In a time when humanity was being ruthlessly slaughtered and enslaved by beings of darkness, one demon stood up to his own kind and shoved them back into Hell, locking the gates in their faces. Thus he became known as the Legendary Demon Knight Sparda. Some two thousand years later he shacked up with a human woman and produced two twin sons, Dante and Vergil.
Dante is the 'good' son to his brother's 'evil'. Yes, the apostrophes denote relativity. Because while Dante certainly does save the day and the girl and the rest of the world, he does it more for the chance to look cool and (try to) get laid than because of any functional moral compass. Dante's main goals in life are to eat a lot of pizza, kill a lot of evil stuff, and party hard. His idea of a party involves fraternity classics like playing guitar on the embodied soul of a dead vampire, air surfing on heat seeking missiles, and riding a motorcycle up a hundred-story tower (extra points if it blows up at the end because you beat too many demons to death with it. Sry Lady). He uses his two handguns, Ebony and Ivory, to help him wreak havoc.
At heart, Dante is a good little protagonist who can, with a straight face, give speeches about doing the right thing because his Soul Tells him Too. But such aspects only appear in dire, end-of-game circumstances. In day to day affairs Dante is cocky, independent, lazy, indifferent to your boring emo, and an all around jackass. Since he isn't very social, he mostly talks to himself or demons he's about to kill, or is killing. Typically he monologues with the use of bad dialog, puns, and other horrible one-liners. By the end of the game, Dante is marginally less of a jerk and marginally more hero-y, as he does promise to help Lady kill all demons.
Sample Post:
Hey there bud. Let me guess, you’re kinda lonely, right? I can tell by the way you’re falling all to pieces just looking at me. Well ache no more, cuz I’ve got a problem I need to work through, and you’ve got at least one good ear to listen.
Now picture this; it’s a normal day. You haven’t killed anything yet and the only call you’ve gotten is that one girl… Milly or Martha or Megan or whatever it was, wanting to know if you’ve found the bra she lost when she was over. Yeah, I can see you probably don’t get that one a lot. But pretend you look like me, and not like you, and you’ll see why this is a daily routine for me.
Anyway, you’re bored and Maggie is too busy to come over and help you look for that lingerie herself. Her loss.
So when you finally get another call, and it’s from a chick… no, a real babe. Then you think things might be looking up. She knows all the right things to say too - demons, hell, help us, Dante, you’re our only hope. You do what any demon hunter does at that point. You ask her where the party is.
She tells you Louisiana.
And you know what you do then? Bingo! You hang up. I could tell by the amount of gray matter coming out of your nose that you’re a smart guy.
See, you fit right in here. The shambling thing? Real swamp-like. But me, I'm built for the city. The concrete jungle. So I tell her to find someone more local, someone in less red leather, and send her on her way. But now I'm starting to get the idea there was something fishy about that lady. Cuz even though I hung up on her, here I am. Seem strange to you?
No, don't nod, buddy. You're head's going t--
Shit. There it went. I told you. Here, let me get that for you. Screw it on tight this time.
Now here’s the thing. I don’t have anything against magic, but when it’s used to beam me up into the middle of nowhere land, I start to get a little angry. But the worst part, bud? The very worst part! Is that I get here and I don’t see a real demon anywhere.
All I see, and all I smell, is guys like you. And don’t take this the wrong way, but zombies are the very bottom of the demonic food chain. Killing all of you isn’t worth the dirt on my boots, anyone could do it. So, why me?
You don’t know? Don’t shake your-
Damn. There it went again. Look, I’ll let my lady Ebony take care of it for you this time. And if you see anyone I know on your way down to hell? Tell em Dante says hi.
Poll Vote!
Character: Vergil Sparda.
Series: Devil May Cry.
Age: 19 years old.
Canon: In Devil May Cry, Jesus has been replaced by a demon known as the Legendary Dark Knight Sparda, who's contribution to mankind is not dying for our sins but killing a shitload of demons, kicking the Prince of Darkness's ass all the way back to his home turf, and slamming the door to the human world straight in their faces, lock it up and throw away the key. Unfortunately, this means that most of his own demonic power is sealed within the demon world, which leads to embarrassment some thousand years later when demons eventually start pouring out and kill him and his wife, leaving his twin sons to fend for themselves. This does not go very well.
Vergil is the oldest son, and a far cry from his father's heroic image. More like an ice-cold, aloof and nihilistic drama-queen than a heroic protector, Vergil cares only for obtaining his father's sealed power and will skewer anyone who gets in his way, including his own brother. His worst enemy is his emotional instability: despite eventually obtaining his father's power, Vergil is defeated by his focused and slightly more idealistic brother Dante, whereupon he leaves the human world in disgrace and exiles himself in the demon world.
Unfortunately for him, previously mentioned Prince of Darkness finds and defeats him there, forcing him to spend the rest of his life as a brainwashed puppet.
Sample Post:
So this is what it feels like to lose your last shred of sanity. Like being thrown into a wet, humid swamp-land and have phallic demons crawl up your pants.
Not quite what I expected.
For if this is not the result of my mind caving under the power of Mundus, I don't know what it is. This place is like something out of a medieval tragedy: the fallen warrior finds himself trapped within a prison of his own making, forever haunted by monsters symbolizing his insecurities and failings… a pity I can't remember what tragic memories I associate with an underwear-tree.
The same goes for this entire place. It's disappointing. Are the gorillas supposed to be an insult to my lineage? I would expect more clever barbs than Darwinian puns from someone who's had two milleniums to gather material. If I felt generous I could admit to the walking dead resembling some unfortunate souls who've stood in my way, their spirits having returned from the great beyond to haunt me… but expecting "Wallow in the despair of your innocent and unfortunate victims, oh wicked one" and receiving "Braiiins" did a good job of eliminating that impulse.
If these pathetic illusions are all you can drag from the murky corners of my mind Mundus then you may as well release me! No son of Sparda will stand to be mocked in this fashion, taunted by this second-grade nightmare realm! Do you think there is anything you can do to me at this point but… send me mail?
How quaint. The Dark Lord wishes to indulge in correspondence! Is it perhaps beneath you to face me, failure that I am? Or is it all a game to you, to be played until you grow tired of your new toy? I see your hand and I accept the stakes. I will face your link with… "page after page of hot twincest action" with my head held high and my gaze unwavering, as befits a son of… Sparda… on another son of Sparda.
Twincest is it? Truly, a concept worthy of that most depraved of minds.
A draw, Prince of Darkness. This is nothing but a draw.
Poll Vote!
Character: Seta Soujirou
Series: Rurouni Kenshin
Age: 18
Canon: In the midst of the unstable times of the Meiji Era, an
ex-assassin named Makoto Shishio seeks to seize control of Japan and alter
society from the very roots by eliminating those deemed too weak to serve
any use to the world. To assist him, Shishio possesses a formidable human
weapon in the form of a feminine young man by the name of Seta Soujirou who
serves as his right hand man, personal assassin, diplomat to possible
recruits, and errand boy.
One of the most noticeable things about Soujirou is that he never stops
smiling, having repressed all his emotions except for that of comfort. So,
when talking with others, he's extremely polite, friendly, and even giggly.
However, while he may look non-threatening, he is a skilled and ruthless
swordsman who is nicknamed Tenken, or "Heaven's Sword." His trademark move
is the Shukuchi, which enables him to move so quickly that he can't even be
seen. Oh yeah, and he has a stereotypical angsty past, but this is Soujirou
prior to the brain breakage à la Himura Kenshin and it's not a topic that
comes up in general conversation.
Insane? Quite likely. He'll slit your throat and never lose his grin. Not in
a particularly vindictive way, more of a "so sorry, but you are the weakest
link, goodbye!" sort of fashion. One must be civil about these
things.
Sample Post:
Well, this is a funny sort of place! I decide to take a little shortcut
through the woods to save time, and now I'm afraid that the pastries I
bought for everyone will spoil before I can reach home. I've never seen a
path such as this before, I must admit! Regrettably, I have already lost one
of my sandals to that fantastic patch of muck around the corner. Would
someone be so kind as to point the way to Kyoto?
Oh, how ill-mannered! I've forgotten to introduce myself.
My name is Seta Soujirou, and I speak on the behalf of Shishio-san and the
Juppongatana. We're a friendly, non-profit organization dedicated to the
cleansing of society by the, ah, removal of unsuitable elements! However,
for some strange reason, members are hard to come by. If you'd like to give
us a chance and don't mind a slight only slight, really! risk
of permanent injury or death, please come forward now!
Ah, you there! I can almost see the passion of battle alight in your eyes!
At least, I think that's what it is. Come now, don't be shy,
give me your name and you'll be on the front lines in no time at all!
...now, sir, I know you're eager to prove your strength, but could you
please relax your grip on my wrist? Interestingly enough, my fingertips do
require a decent flow of blood, and they're starting to turn the same color
as your skin.
Really now. I've asked politely, and I hate to be rude, but this sort of
behavior is quite unacceptable for a soldier under Shishio-sa--ahhh, there's
no need to bite! Well, if you must insist on this
foolishness--
....
How admirable! Even after decapitation, you're still standing and ready to
continue the grand fight for existence! I do believe that earns you a
pastry. ♥
Poll Vote!