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First batch! As a quick note, when sending the mods questions, make sure you e-mail all three mods. This includes asking for permission for a sixth+! Our e-mails are ... all over the place: in the userinfo, in the rules, etc.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Yeah, okay, we're good here. Closed!
Character: the Riku Replica
Series: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories
Age: 15 (or, more accurately, a day or so old with a fifteen year old's body).
Canon: The Riku Replica has only had one day of life, and it has been a No Good, Very Bad, Truly Awful Day. Said day has included but not been limited to: Being made by a mad scientist off the real Riku's data, being mindraped to think he's the real Riku, having his heart literally broken by his fake girlfriend, waking up fully aware he's a replica, quite possibly devouring a Nobody for breakfast in an attempt to become powerful enough to prove himself as 'real', and losing not one, not two, but SIX boss fights to Sora and/or Riku. Some days it's just not worth getting invented out of bed.
The Replica is sarcastic and full of attitude, particularly towards Riku (whom he refers to by 'Real Thing') or towards other darkness-inclined creatures. He is very protective and defensive of people he considers good, and, if one wins his loyalty, he is completely devoted. He's proud of using the power of darkness, but is also extremely insecure about his actual (lack of) identity. Sometimes he spazzes out. Overall, he acts like the darker sort of shounen retard.
Special note: One of the ways he's 'tricked' into believing he's Riku is by owning a good luck charm that Namine supposedly gave him in his childhood. In the manga, after he revives, he tries to replace his now-missing charm with a piece of half-eaten chicken that he thinks Namine chewed on (he's incorrect; it was actually Larxene's).
Sample Post:
...You know, Real Thing, when I died and you said my heart would probably go the same place yours would, I was expecting, I don't know, more fire and brimstone. Fluffy clouds and white robes were a dim possibility, I guess, but I'd put my money down on eternal suffering, maybe a pitchfork or two. I gotta say I never imagined the stinking swampland I've found myself in. Vines worse than the ones back home, goats who've been making waaaaay too free with my clothing, and the shambling dead? I'd expect better of you than that.
Hey! Paws off that, ugly! Tch, wasn't I poked and prodded enough when I was made? You're not so lucky that I'd put up with that now too. -- Trying to eat Namine's Chicken Charm isn't any better. This is the one thing that I have that's my own. You think you can get away with that? Hell no. My turn!
Tch, you're so weak. Taking you down is a piece of cake -- just a little darkness is enough to blow you into bits! Creatures of the night? You have no idea what the power of darkness can do! Are you even real zombies?
...
Not that you need to be "real". You're just pathetic either way. Any of the rest of you want to try?!
Hah, good to see that you're smart enough to avoid your friend's fate. You -- ... why are you trying to give me its skull?
What? The reason's... because I've always wanted to "get ahead" of my enemy? I don't need your help for that! Do you think you're funny? I don't need anyone to give me head as some sort of consolation gift. One way or the other, I'll become someone.
Just wait. You'll see.
Poll Vote!
Character: Senel Coolidge
Series: Tales of Legendia
Age: 17
Canon: Tales of Legendia is the story of eight individuals whose paths happen to cross onboard a giant ship known as the Legacy. Senel is one of these individuals and the star of the game's main quest, during which he must rescue his adopted sister, Shirley, from kidnappers planning to use her mysterious powers to meet their own ends.
Trained as a soldier from a young age, Senel is a skilled fighter with the natural ability to use iron eres, a power that enhances physical attack. His most recent work involves exterminating monsters: first at sea as a Marine of the Holy Alliance, and later on the Legacy as appointed by the sheriff of the town of Werites Beacon. He takes his tasks very seriously, determined to see any goal through to the end with no time for hindrances. Despite his standoffish outward personality and occasionally childish temper, he gradually comes to show a nicer, more open side to those he trusts. (... Sometimes, at least.) At heart he is caring and extremely protective, especially where Shirley is concerned.
Notes: "Ducts" in this case are teleportation devices used in the game. And yes, the "special titles for party members" thing is canon.
Sample Post:
Okay. It's not like I've never seen giant purple tentacles before. Hell, it's not like I've never felt giant purple tentacles before. But before now, this always took place on the open sea -- where I actually know things like that exist. So to suddenly see one come out of the duct outside Werites Beacon and pull me in faster than I could say "Demon Fist"? I'd like to think I should have been more prepared, but let's be reasonable.
And that's the story of how I ended up in the middle of Lake... Fuck You Die, according to the welcome letter I was handed when I made it to shore. Looks like my day of monster exterminating just got an extension.
I don't know what I was thinking when I let the letter carrier help me out with it, though. Probably something like, "Man, whatever's in that lake's water must have really gotten to my head." Not that it matters, since the recruit ended immediately after I gave her the title of "Brainless Chick." Or now that I, uh, know better, I guess I should say it was after I gave him that title. Excuse me if his taste in clothing proved to be a bit misleading there.
Anyway. What with his physical condition before, I wasn't exactly surprised that the dress and ribbons weren't the only things to come off when he visually corrected me about his gender. Just slightly grossed out in more ways than one.... But that's the least of my problems right now. It's time to get rid of that pesky creature in the lake and make it back to the underwater duct it brought me through.
Did you hear that, Director?! I don't know how you found me or what you want with me here, but I refuse to let you have your way. I'll defeat your tentacle monster no matter what it takes! And what kind of cheap trick do you think you're pulling in that letter, saying my exit's already been sealed by some unbreakable force? "Duct tape"? Hah -- that's a good one! Think your little vacation spot's about to become my permanent home? Like hell it is!!
... Dammit, I need to get out of here before that sentence becomes literal.
Poll Vote!
Character: Takami Ichirou
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 18
Canon: Every sports manga has a protagonist team, and every protagonist team has a rival!!1´ In Eyeshield 21, the rival team is the Oujou White Knights, for which Takami plays quarterback. Takami is a good example of what the hard-working Oujou are like. In a manga where reducing your 40-yard dash by 0.08 seconds is cause of much rejoicing, Takami is one of the slowest runners as a result of a childhood leg injury. Instead of giving up and going home to listen to Linkin Park, Takami takes on more training and studies passing techniques until he's chosen as starting player for his height, precision and accuracy on the field.
Off the field, Takami is an organized and neat young man. He'll bemoan, sometimes even slightly flail, and make a spazzy "DOH?!" sound at the barbarism of eating the leg of a wild boar hunted by his own teammate Shin (what are coach-approved menus for!). Takami's sensitive, getting misty-eyed when teammate Sakuraba finally reaches his full potential. He guards his team's secret techniques with perfect composure and doesn't back down in the face of gun-toting rival teams. Takami is, in short, a mother's number 1 choice for a son-in-law.
Sample Post:
I think it's time that I admitted to myself that these aren't the Oujou overseas sports facilities. You had me with the hospital, onsen and even the chapel; the inflatable house that you rented made sense as well, since we had one for the school festival last year. It's my mistake for assuming it was a castle, to go with the White Knights theme. Your enthusiastic staff is not to blame, even if they did jump outside a window with no prior warning chanting they "wanna take me to the inflatable gay bar gay bar gay bar."
In return, I hope you'll believe me when I say that in my haste to back off, I didn't notice that the tour guide was right behind me. I'm a bit taller than normal, and I hadn't realized until now that out here that's enough to knock someone off his feet. The least I can do is help look for his left talus until the medic gets here.
After all those exciting misunderstandings, maybe I could take you to the gay bar to cool down over a meal. Coach wouldn't have liked it if I had touched airplane food, and the tour guide definitely needs a lunch break as well anyway, if the teeth marks on the sleeve of my jacket are any indication. Not that the staff haven't already offered their specialty, and I'll agree that it's an interesting coincidence that I came on a Tuesday. I was going to try it! But having to hunt my soup with my bare hands before eating it is so unsanitary.
Ah, thanks, miss waitress. I'd love to have a look at your menu. Now, where's the page for the main courses... DOH?! -- Excuse me, miss. I know that when in Rome, it's only polite to do as the Romans do, but I have to draw the line here.
My pocket English-Japanese dictionary is very clear on the matter: the phrase "meat market" is always meant figuratively. Why was I under "beefcake"!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kannuki Wakaba
Series: Yami no Matsuei. (Theria.net has additional information)
Age: Looks around 17-18 physically, mentally a lot older.
Canon: Yami no Matsuei is a series about the Shinigami, dead people who are in charge of collecting dead souls so they can be judged for their actions in life. This usually means investigating murders and other strange supernatural incidents, all for a very low salary. And since the Shinigami are people who died with a strong attachment to Earth, most of them have gratuitous amounts of emo. Most.
Wakaba is one of the minor characters and she's bright, cheerful, and kind. She's good at cooking and can often be found buying or making treats for the rest of the office. Still, she's the logical one in her partnership, and she has sharp reasoning skills. Of course, she isn't all sunshine and light, as she apparently has no qualms about blackmailing her surly partner into being social with his "embarrassing photograph where he XXX XXX XXX XXX." The extent of her emo seems to be minor abandonment issues.
In the most recent arc, it was revealed that Wakaba is one of four Gatekeepers for Gensoukai, the digital world located in the Internet where the Shikigami (animal summons) live. She can open the gate by typing in a set of coordinates into a computer.
Sample Post:
Ah, it looks like I'm lost! I was going to come down to Earth and get some coffee and donuts for everyone because the office coffee machine is so broken it's talking now and really, 'you have no chance to survive make your time' is a totally inappropriate thing to say, but something went wrong while I was teleporting. I was supposed to end up in Japan, not temporarily stuck in front of a sign that said "CFUD: Emo Level Must Be This High To Enter"! Is it a good or bad thing that the arrow was exactly at my height?
Also, I don't know where I am, or how to get out. I'm a little worried because I can't seem to connect to my gate with the computer they gave me. I keep getting a "database error," which hasn't happened before, unless you count that one fight where they blew up the entire--anyway, I need to get back as soon as possible in case something's wrong! I can see the buildings exploding now! The damage costs climbing! The...I have to get out of here immediately.
Hm, I wonder if there's anyone around I can ask about directions. I guess I could ask that talking tree that's waving at me in an interesting way, but I don't know if I want to. M-maybe I'll ask the cute and not creepy squirrels instead! Ah, your pictures are very um, creative and it's nice of you to offer, but I don't need any for my own use, and I don't need a copy of 101 Ways To Blackmail Someone either. You only need one picture if it's the right one, after all~~ ♥ But thank you anyway, and you say to go this direction? Okay!
Ah, I guess it's true! There really is a Starbucks on every corner, even if the corner is hard to define because it's sinking into a swamp. O-oh well, there has to be someone in there who can help me and I can pick up some drinks along the way!
..."Gnarrrragh" is a good attention-getter, but I don't think it works very well as a sales pitch, Zombie-san. How about something like "Have a free eye with your Chai"?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kagurazaka Asuna
Series: Mahou Sensei Negima! (manga)
Age: 15
Canon: If there is such thing as a "shoujo retard," this is it. Armed with surprising brute strength for a middle school girl, the ability to nullify magical spells and barriers, a sword that probably outweighs her, a temper to match her red hair, and the lowest grades in her class, Asuna is better at thinking with her fists than her brain. Throw in an angsty past, a hell of a lot of bravery, and a genuinely good and kind heart, and you have the female lead of Negima!--an extraordinary ordinary teenage girl.
Oh yeah, and she also has a tendency to lose her clothing every other chapter, in new and curious ways!
Despite her dislike of kids and dependency in general, Asuna has somehow ended up as the de facto guardian and primary magical partner of mage Negi Springfield, her 10-year-old homeroom teacher, and has slowly developed a caring, sibling-esque relationship with him. She spends most of her free time watching his back when he needs it and smacking some sense into him whether he needs it or not. The rest of it she spends swearing that they're just friends, dammit. Despite the occasional moment of Unresolved Shouta Tension, Asuna's tastes run more towards older, manly men. Really!
Sample Post:
You'd think I'd have learned by now to bring a change of clothes everywhere I go. It doesn't matter where I am--underground temples, creepy laboratories, spooky forests, broad freaking daylight in the middle of campus--something always gets grabby, or windy, or acidy, or whatever! I think I'm gonna have a little talk with Negi when I make it out of here. How come they can put a mage on the moon, but they can't come up with a shirt that the local wildlife can't rip in half? It's kinda hard to concentrate on fighting for my life when I'm worried about how padded today's bra is! This is why summer camps in the winter are a bad idea.
Speaking of the local wildlife, I'm not sure why your goats have thumbs, and if it has anything to do with what they were doing with the gorillas, I don't think we've covered that in biology yet. Most of the demonic monster hybrids I've met were a little more badass and a little less disturbing. Half dragon, half lion, that sort of thing! This "half man, half man, but not the same man" look the zombies are going for just isn't the same. All the trying to put me in lingerie reminds me a little of home, though. Back off! And since when is "innacorset" one word? I'll never understand this stupid language!
I've got too much to be doing back home to waste time here. And I should be able to break right through this barrier, but for some reason I can't, and I'm starting to get worried about that. Because if I can't do it, I'm not sure who can, and usually when people say "life or death situation" they're exaggerating, but in my case...
I just hope that shrimp doesn't do anything stupid while I'm gone.
Soooo, first things first! My kingdom for a shirt? Or even a blanket! The toucans are giving me these creepy looks. Guys, it's nothing personal--one of my best friends is half demonic bird, actually. But how do I put this...I like my men like I like my cheese!
...No, not "ten years old." And now it's personal.
Poll Vote!
Character: Luke fon Fabre
Series: Tales of the Abyss
Age: 17
Canon: Luke is the only son of a duke, confined to his manor after his kidnapping and subsequent amnesia seven years ago, and the main character of the game. As can be expected from a Tales series hero, he's got a good heart and real determination to Do The Right Thing. This can get him in a bit of trouble, because he's too nice; despite his love of fighting, he hates killing people and in fact has been known to project onto monsters when he feels they're being victimized. The game's small, cute, mascot is a notable exception to that sympathy.
Unfortunately, while Luke is a nice person, he does only have seven years of memories, most of them of a time when he was kept in his home and spoiled rotten, ignorant of the world around him. He's sometimes bratty, usually ignorant, and frequently self-centered...but he's a nice person. Really.
Sample Post:
What a pain. What kind of guy forgets to tell you about the weird barrier you have to deactivate before you can leave? This is his quest I'm on!
Okay, okay, it's not his fault. Sure, he seemed kind of weird at first--really stinky and dirty, and I don't think he'd combed his hair for a while. (I don't think skin is ever supposed to be that shade of green...right?) I tried to keep walking past him, but he had a really strong grip. He started babbling something about coming into his secret base or whatever. I was just going to ignore him, but I guess you can't judge people by how little they wash--he gave me candy before I'd even done anything for him, and said he'd get me some special candy if I did this for him.
I don't see what's so special about finding the Unusually Purple-Furred Gorilla in this place, though. They're all purple here, how is that unusual? They had better still count for that candy once I get back. If I get back.
...I guess it's not too bad, being stuck here for a while. I figured out what the guy who sent me here in the first place is; he's a zombie. They're some of the people who live here, and they're not friendly, but that's no reason for them to be so looked down on, is it? There are all these signs around here... "Beware of zombie," "Trespassers will be bitten," "Watch out, they swallow." How's that supposed to make the zombies want to be more peaceful? They're forced to live out in the woods with the gorillas, and they're really sick, but nobody's giving them houses or medical attention or anything.
I want to help them, if I can.
...And that candy really was good. I wonder if they have more.
Poll Vote!
Character: Eiko Carol
Series: Final Fantasy IX
Age: 6
Canon: Despite still possessing baby fat, Eiko is more literate than most college students, and in fact learned about the world through reading romance plays. This might go a long way into explaining a lot of her behaviour, really. Having grown up the lone survivor of the summoner tribe, Eiko was raised by the moogles around the place (yes, the very same ones used at camp) and wants desperately to be considered an adult.
Eiko is a pushy, bossy little girl with big dreams, a flair for showgirlship and one huge, huge crush on the hero. As the game progresses, we learn that she's really not as self-sufficient and independent as she would like to think. Despite having the ability to smite all in her path with Eidolons (anthromorphic creatures with massive smiting abilities), Eiko really just doesn't want to be lonely anymore.
A note for the app: Zidane is the hero of the game; a flirtatous, light-hearted thief who also doubles as an actor at times. Additionally, the game opens and ends with a play and there are references to various plays made during the course of the game. Plays are very important in FFIX.
Sample Post:
No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong! Didn't you even read the script? It is not childish, Zidane said it was very good. And he'd know! If we're going to put on a play for the Director's Christmas party, we need to be good! That means no more practical jokes like pretending to break each other's legs off and going "brains" all the time. We have to be serious! Authentic! We have to sweep her off her feet, not have her wipe the floor with us. And we'll never be able to do that unless we get cracking!
Now, from the top! "As mine eyes can see, thine beauty is beyond compare". Hey you, stop sulking! The blindfold shows that love is blind, and it was the suggestion of the romantic lead! He said he could play the role of the lovestruck hero if it was obvious that he was blinded by the sight of your face, and I thought it was a good idea. Sometimes audiences can be a little slow, and miss the big stuff.
Okay, next line: "Allow me to take thy hand..." I told you, no more practical jokes! Stop giving him a fake hand. Ooooh, this is so frustrating! No wonder your last director jumped in the lake. I wish I could give him a piece of my mind! Eeek, now they're looking at me... and it's not in the good way!
Right, Eiko, it's time to enact the famous scene from There Is No Author where the director of the play, driven to the very brink of insanity, runs away from their over-expectant audience and is locked up in a nice, safe place. Ready, set, go! My assistant, Duck, will take over! Don't mind the flames, she's really a nice person underneath it all!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Yeah, okay, we're good here. Closed!
Character: the Riku Replica
Series: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories
Age: 15 (or, more accurately, a day or so old with a fifteen year old's body).
Canon: The Riku Replica has only had one day of life, and it has been a No Good, Very Bad, Truly Awful Day. Said day has included but not been limited to: Being made by a mad scientist off the real Riku's data, being mindraped to think he's the real Riku, having his heart literally broken by his fake girlfriend, waking up fully aware he's a replica, quite possibly devouring a Nobody for breakfast in an attempt to become powerful enough to prove himself as 'real', and losing not one, not two, but SIX boss fights to Sora and/or Riku. Some days it's just not worth getting invented out of bed.
The Replica is sarcastic and full of attitude, particularly towards Riku (whom he refers to by 'Real Thing') or towards other darkness-inclined creatures. He is very protective and defensive of people he considers good, and, if one wins his loyalty, he is completely devoted. He's proud of using the power of darkness, but is also extremely insecure about his actual (lack of) identity. Sometimes he spazzes out. Overall, he acts like the darker sort of shounen retard.
Special note: One of the ways he's 'tricked' into believing he's Riku is by owning a good luck charm that Namine supposedly gave him in his childhood. In the manga, after he revives, he tries to replace his now-missing charm with a piece of half-eaten chicken that he thinks Namine chewed on (he's incorrect; it was actually Larxene's).
Sample Post:
...You know, Real Thing, when I died and you said my heart would probably go the same place yours would, I was expecting, I don't know, more fire and brimstone. Fluffy clouds and white robes were a dim possibility, I guess, but I'd put my money down on eternal suffering, maybe a pitchfork or two. I gotta say I never imagined the stinking swampland I've found myself in. Vines worse than the ones back home, goats who've been making waaaaay too free with my clothing, and the shambling dead? I'd expect better of you than that.
Hey! Paws off that, ugly! Tch, wasn't I poked and prodded enough when I was made? You're not so lucky that I'd put up with that now too. -- Trying to eat Namine's Chicken Charm isn't any better. This is the one thing that I have that's my own. You think you can get away with that? Hell no. My turn!
Tch, you're so weak. Taking you down is a piece of cake -- just a little darkness is enough to blow you into bits! Creatures of the night? You have no idea what the power of darkness can do! Are you even real zombies?
...
Not that you need to be "real". You're just pathetic either way. Any of the rest of you want to try?!
Hah, good to see that you're smart enough to avoid your friend's fate. You -- ... why are you trying to give me its skull?
What? The reason's... because I've always wanted to "get ahead" of my enemy? I don't need your help for that! Do you think you're funny? I don't need anyone to give me head as some sort of consolation gift. One way or the other, I'll become someone.
Just wait. You'll see.
Poll Vote!
Character: Senel Coolidge
Series: Tales of Legendia
Age: 17
Canon: Tales of Legendia is the story of eight individuals whose paths happen to cross onboard a giant ship known as the Legacy. Senel is one of these individuals and the star of the game's main quest, during which he must rescue his adopted sister, Shirley, from kidnappers planning to use her mysterious powers to meet their own ends.
Trained as a soldier from a young age, Senel is a skilled fighter with the natural ability to use iron eres, a power that enhances physical attack. His most recent work involves exterminating monsters: first at sea as a Marine of the Holy Alliance, and later on the Legacy as appointed by the sheriff of the town of Werites Beacon. He takes his tasks very seriously, determined to see any goal through to the end with no time for hindrances. Despite his standoffish outward personality and occasionally childish temper, he gradually comes to show a nicer, more open side to those he trusts. (... Sometimes, at least.) At heart he is caring and extremely protective, especially where Shirley is concerned.
Notes: "Ducts" in this case are teleportation devices used in the game. And yes, the "special titles for party members" thing is canon.
Sample Post:
Okay. It's not like I've never seen giant purple tentacles before. Hell, it's not like I've never felt giant purple tentacles before. But before now, this always took place on the open sea -- where I actually know things like that exist. So to suddenly see one come out of the duct outside Werites Beacon and pull me in faster than I could say "Demon Fist"? I'd like to think I should have been more prepared, but let's be reasonable.
And that's the story of how I ended up in the middle of Lake... Fuck You Die, according to the welcome letter I was handed when I made it to shore. Looks like my day of monster exterminating just got an extension.
I don't know what I was thinking when I let the letter carrier help me out with it, though. Probably something like, "Man, whatever's in that lake's water must have really gotten to my head." Not that it matters, since the recruit ended immediately after I gave her the title of "Brainless Chick." Or now that I, uh, know better, I guess I should say it was after I gave him that title. Excuse me if his taste in clothing proved to be a bit misleading there.
Anyway. What with his physical condition before, I wasn't exactly surprised that the dress and ribbons weren't the only things to come off when he visually corrected me about his gender. Just slightly grossed out in more ways than one.... But that's the least of my problems right now. It's time to get rid of that pesky creature in the lake and make it back to the underwater duct it brought me through.
Did you hear that, Director?! I don't know how you found me or what you want with me here, but I refuse to let you have your way. I'll defeat your tentacle monster no matter what it takes! And what kind of cheap trick do you think you're pulling in that letter, saying my exit's already been sealed by some unbreakable force? "Duct tape"? Hah -- that's a good one! Think your little vacation spot's about to become my permanent home? Like hell it is!!
... Dammit, I need to get out of here before that sentence becomes literal.
Poll Vote!
Character: Takami Ichirou
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 18
Canon: Every sports manga has a protagonist team, and every protagonist team has a rival!!1´ In Eyeshield 21, the rival team is the Oujou White Knights, for which Takami plays quarterback. Takami is a good example of what the hard-working Oujou are like. In a manga where reducing your 40-yard dash by 0.08 seconds is cause of much rejoicing, Takami is one of the slowest runners as a result of a childhood leg injury. Instead of giving up and going home to listen to Linkin Park, Takami takes on more training and studies passing techniques until he's chosen as starting player for his height, precision and accuracy on the field.
Off the field, Takami is an organized and neat young man. He'll bemoan, sometimes even slightly flail, and make a spazzy "DOH?!" sound at the barbarism of eating the leg of a wild boar hunted by his own teammate Shin (what are coach-approved menus for!). Takami's sensitive, getting misty-eyed when teammate Sakuraba finally reaches his full potential. He guards his team's secret techniques with perfect composure and doesn't back down in the face of gun-toting rival teams. Takami is, in short, a mother's number 1 choice for a son-in-law.
Sample Post:
I think it's time that I admitted to myself that these aren't the Oujou overseas sports facilities. You had me with the hospital, onsen and even the chapel; the inflatable house that you rented made sense as well, since we had one for the school festival last year. It's my mistake for assuming it was a castle, to go with the White Knights theme. Your enthusiastic staff is not to blame, even if they did jump outside a window with no prior warning chanting they "wanna take me to the inflatable gay bar gay bar gay bar."
In return, I hope you'll believe me when I say that in my haste to back off, I didn't notice that the tour guide was right behind me. I'm a bit taller than normal, and I hadn't realized until now that out here that's enough to knock someone off his feet. The least I can do is help look for his left talus until the medic gets here.
After all those exciting misunderstandings, maybe I could take you to the gay bar to cool down over a meal. Coach wouldn't have liked it if I had touched airplane food, and the tour guide definitely needs a lunch break as well anyway, if the teeth marks on the sleeve of my jacket are any indication. Not that the staff haven't already offered their specialty, and I'll agree that it's an interesting coincidence that I came on a Tuesday. I was going to try it! But having to hunt my soup with my bare hands before eating it is so unsanitary.
Ah, thanks, miss waitress. I'd love to have a look at your menu. Now, where's the page for the main courses... DOH?! -- Excuse me, miss. I know that when in Rome, it's only polite to do as the Romans do, but I have to draw the line here.
My pocket English-Japanese dictionary is very clear on the matter: the phrase "meat market" is always meant figuratively. Why was I under "beefcake"!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kannuki Wakaba
Series: Yami no Matsuei. (Theria.net has additional information)
Age: Looks around 17-18 physically, mentally a lot older.
Canon: Yami no Matsuei is a series about the Shinigami, dead people who are in charge of collecting dead souls so they can be judged for their actions in life. This usually means investigating murders and other strange supernatural incidents, all for a very low salary. And since the Shinigami are people who died with a strong attachment to Earth, most of them have gratuitous amounts of emo. Most.
Wakaba is one of the minor characters and she's bright, cheerful, and kind. She's good at cooking and can often be found buying or making treats for the rest of the office. Still, she's the logical one in her partnership, and she has sharp reasoning skills. Of course, she isn't all sunshine and light, as she apparently has no qualms about blackmailing her surly partner into being social with his "embarrassing photograph where he XXX XXX XXX XXX." The extent of her emo seems to be minor abandonment issues.
In the most recent arc, it was revealed that Wakaba is one of four Gatekeepers for Gensoukai, the digital world located in the Internet where the Shikigami (animal summons) live. She can open the gate by typing in a set of coordinates into a computer.
Sample Post:
Ah, it looks like I'm lost! I was going to come down to Earth and get some coffee and donuts for everyone because the office coffee machine is so broken it's talking now and really, 'you have no chance to survive make your time' is a totally inappropriate thing to say, but something went wrong while I was teleporting. I was supposed to end up in Japan, not temporarily stuck in front of a sign that said "CFUD: Emo Level Must Be This High To Enter"! Is it a good or bad thing that the arrow was exactly at my height?
Also, I don't know where I am, or how to get out. I'm a little worried because I can't seem to connect to my gate with the computer they gave me. I keep getting a "database error," which hasn't happened before, unless you count that one fight where they blew up the entire--anyway, I need to get back as soon as possible in case something's wrong! I can see the buildings exploding now! The damage costs climbing! The...I have to get out of here immediately.
Hm, I wonder if there's anyone around I can ask about directions. I guess I could ask that talking tree that's waving at me in an interesting way, but I don't know if I want to. M-maybe I'll ask the cute and not creepy squirrels instead! Ah, your pictures are very um, creative and it's nice of you to offer, but I don't need any for my own use, and I don't need a copy of 101 Ways To Blackmail Someone either. You only need one picture if it's the right one, after all~~ ♥ But thank you anyway, and you say to go this direction? Okay!
Ah, I guess it's true! There really is a Starbucks on every corner, even if the corner is hard to define because it's sinking into a swamp. O-oh well, there has to be someone in there who can help me and I can pick up some drinks along the way!
..."Gnarrrragh" is a good attention-getter, but I don't think it works very well as a sales pitch, Zombie-san. How about something like "Have a free eye with your Chai"?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kagurazaka Asuna
Series: Mahou Sensei Negima! (manga)
Age: 15
Canon: If there is such thing as a "shoujo retard," this is it. Armed with surprising brute strength for a middle school girl, the ability to nullify magical spells and barriers, a sword that probably outweighs her, a temper to match her red hair, and the lowest grades in her class, Asuna is better at thinking with her fists than her brain. Throw in an angsty past, a hell of a lot of bravery, and a genuinely good and kind heart, and you have the female lead of Negima!--an extraordinary ordinary teenage girl.
Oh yeah, and she also has a tendency to lose her clothing every other chapter, in new and curious ways!
Despite her dislike of kids and dependency in general, Asuna has somehow ended up as the de facto guardian and primary magical partner of mage Negi Springfield, her 10-year-old homeroom teacher, and has slowly developed a caring, sibling-esque relationship with him. She spends most of her free time watching his back when he needs it and smacking some sense into him whether he needs it or not. The rest of it she spends swearing that they're just friends, dammit. Despite the occasional moment of Unresolved Shouta Tension, Asuna's tastes run more towards older, manly men. Really!
Sample Post:
You'd think I'd have learned by now to bring a change of clothes everywhere I go. It doesn't matter where I am--underground temples, creepy laboratories, spooky forests, broad freaking daylight in the middle of campus--something always gets grabby, or windy, or acidy, or whatever! I think I'm gonna have a little talk with Negi when I make it out of here. How come they can put a mage on the moon, but they can't come up with a shirt that the local wildlife can't rip in half? It's kinda hard to concentrate on fighting for my life when I'm worried about how padded today's bra is! This is why summer camps in the winter are a bad idea.
Speaking of the local wildlife, I'm not sure why your goats have thumbs, and if it has anything to do with what they were doing with the gorillas, I don't think we've covered that in biology yet. Most of the demonic monster hybrids I've met were a little more badass and a little less disturbing. Half dragon, half lion, that sort of thing! This "half man, half man, but not the same man" look the zombies are going for just isn't the same. All the trying to put me in lingerie reminds me a little of home, though. Back off! And since when is "innacorset" one word? I'll never understand this stupid language!
I've got too much to be doing back home to waste time here. And I should be able to break right through this barrier, but for some reason I can't, and I'm starting to get worried about that. Because if I can't do it, I'm not sure who can, and usually when people say "life or death situation" they're exaggerating, but in my case...
I just hope that shrimp doesn't do anything stupid while I'm gone.
Soooo, first things first! My kingdom for a shirt? Or even a blanket! The toucans are giving me these creepy looks. Guys, it's nothing personal--one of my best friends is half demonic bird, actually. But how do I put this...I like my men like I like my cheese!
...No, not "ten years old." And now it's personal.
Poll Vote!
Character: Luke fon Fabre
Series: Tales of the Abyss
Age: 17
Canon: Luke is the only son of a duke, confined to his manor after his kidnapping and subsequent amnesia seven years ago, and the main character of the game. As can be expected from a Tales series hero, he's got a good heart and real determination to Do The Right Thing. This can get him in a bit of trouble, because he's too nice; despite his love of fighting, he hates killing people and in fact has been known to project onto monsters when he feels they're being victimized. The game's small, cute, mascot is a notable exception to that sympathy.
Unfortunately, while Luke is a nice person, he does only have seven years of memories, most of them of a time when he was kept in his home and spoiled rotten, ignorant of the world around him. He's sometimes bratty, usually ignorant, and frequently self-centered...but he's a nice person. Really.
Sample Post:
What a pain. What kind of guy forgets to tell you about the weird barrier you have to deactivate before you can leave? This is his quest I'm on!
Okay, okay, it's not his fault. Sure, he seemed kind of weird at first--really stinky and dirty, and I don't think he'd combed his hair for a while. (I don't think skin is ever supposed to be that shade of green...right?) I tried to keep walking past him, but he had a really strong grip. He started babbling something about coming into his secret base or whatever. I was just going to ignore him, but I guess you can't judge people by how little they wash--he gave me candy before I'd even done anything for him, and said he'd get me some special candy if I did this for him.
I don't see what's so special about finding the Unusually Purple-Furred Gorilla in this place, though. They're all purple here, how is that unusual? They had better still count for that candy once I get back. If I get back.
...I guess it's not too bad, being stuck here for a while. I figured out what the guy who sent me here in the first place is; he's a zombie. They're some of the people who live here, and they're not friendly, but that's no reason for them to be so looked down on, is it? There are all these signs around here... "Beware of zombie," "Trespassers will be bitten," "Watch out, they swallow." How's that supposed to make the zombies want to be more peaceful? They're forced to live out in the woods with the gorillas, and they're really sick, but nobody's giving them houses or medical attention or anything.
I want to help them, if I can.
...And that candy really was good. I wonder if they have more.
Poll Vote!
Character: Eiko Carol
Series: Final Fantasy IX
Age: 6
Canon: Despite still possessing baby fat, Eiko is more literate than most college students, and in fact learned about the world through reading romance plays. This might go a long way into explaining a lot of her behaviour, really. Having grown up the lone survivor of the summoner tribe, Eiko was raised by the moogles around the place (yes, the very same ones used at camp) and wants desperately to be considered an adult.
Eiko is a pushy, bossy little girl with big dreams, a flair for showgirlship and one huge, huge crush on the hero. As the game progresses, we learn that she's really not as self-sufficient and independent as she would like to think. Despite having the ability to smite all in her path with Eidolons (anthromorphic creatures with massive smiting abilities), Eiko really just doesn't want to be lonely anymore.
A note for the app: Zidane is the hero of the game; a flirtatous, light-hearted thief who also doubles as an actor at times. Additionally, the game opens and ends with a play and there are references to various plays made during the course of the game. Plays are very important in FFIX.
Sample Post:
No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong! Didn't you even read the script? It is not childish, Zidane said it was very good. And he'd know! If we're going to put on a play for the Director's Christmas party, we need to be good! That means no more practical jokes like pretending to break each other's legs off and going "brains" all the time. We have to be serious! Authentic! We have to sweep her off her feet, not have her wipe the floor with us. And we'll never be able to do that unless we get cracking!
Now, from the top! "As mine eyes can see, thine beauty is beyond compare". Hey you, stop sulking! The blindfold shows that love is blind, and it was the suggestion of the romantic lead! He said he could play the role of the lovestruck hero if it was obvious that he was blinded by the sight of your face, and I thought it was a good idea. Sometimes audiences can be a little slow, and miss the big stuff.
Okay, next line: "Allow me to take thy hand..." I told you, no more practical jokes! Stop giving him a fake hand. Ooooh, this is so frustrating! No wonder your last director jumped in the lake. I wish I could give him a piece of my mind! Eeek, now they're looking at me... and it's not in the good way!
Right, Eiko, it's time to enact the famous scene from There Is No Author where the director of the play, driven to the very brink of insanity, runs away from their over-expectant audience and is locked up in a nice, safe place. Ready, set, go! My assistant, Duck, will take over! Don't mind the flames, she's really a nice person underneath it all!
Poll Vote!