(no subject)
First batch! Apps are still open, remember to check your formatting, and try to submit your app as plain text. Gmail's been having a field day with homphgomphing anything that isn't a plain text attachment. Fail, Gmail. Fail.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. These results look pretty solid to me. Closed!
Character: Robin
Series: Teen Titans Cartoon.
Age: Teenager. Not specified, but around 15-ish.
Canon: Robin is the leader of the Teen Titans, five crime-fighting friends. Their opponents range from fanboys with souped-up remotes to Apocalypse enducing demons and the criminal mastermind Slade. The Titans defeat their foes with team-work, justice and friendship, relying heavily on Robin's plans and analytical skill in figuring out their opponent’s motives and weaknesses. Despite lacking superpowers, Robin is at the fore-front of any attack, relying on reflexes and gadgets to give him an edge against villains and let him keep up with his team-mates.
And Robin more than keeps up. He trains seriously, often competitively, using a fighting style that blends martial arts with high-tech birdarangs and other gadgets. He's confident and focused, sometimes to the point of obsession, a trait that has allowed him to be manipulated more than once. Serious when focused on the job at hand and with clear views on justice, Robin has nonetheless made some bad judgement calls. However, he's mature enough to recognise when he's gone too far and takes responsibility for his mistakes. He's also got a healthy appreciation for danger, enjoys banter and video games with his team-mates and is as spectacularly bad at romantic relationships as you’d expect from a guy who wears his Robin mask to prom.
Note: In interviews about the show, the Titans creators have stated that they didn't want to address the issue of dual identities. Robin is Robin. Which Robin (in the comics-verse there have been four to date) is immaterial. Although there are strong hints that Titans!Robin's alter-ego is Dick Grayson, I'm following the creators’ lead and apping Robin, not Dick.
Sample Post:
Listen up, toucans. I’m about to demonstrate why a birdarang in the hand is worth two in the bush. You might have been able to dodge my bo-staff but the only way you’ll be able to escape this nest egg is by reading my -- mind?
... telepathic toucans. Right.
Am I going to going to co-operate like a good exhibit A? Don’t count your Robins before they’ve hatched. I’ve still got a secret weapon up my sleeve. You may be able to read my mind, toucans, but toucan play at that game. I have an entire arsenal of bad bird puns that I am not afraid to use.
Don’t believe me?
You may have succeeded in kidnapping me, but the yolk’s on you. Sure the emphasis on ‘fowl’ in your string of foul play orchestrated to get the Titans’ attention did have me thinking that your target was Raven or possibly Beast Boy, but you’ll find I am no sitting duck. I’ve winged it against opponents more numerous than you, and I can do it again. I suggest you tell me your plans. Now.
Yes, I thought you’d see it my way.
... evidence in a trial? But ... that doesn’t make sense. One, I’m a crime-fighter. A very human crime-fighter. Not only am I not your fine feathered friend, but we do not flock together, and I do not qualify as evidence in your trial. Two, it’s Robin. ROBIN. Not Cock Robin and definitely not -- let’s not even go there. I don’t care what your telepathy is telling you, you’ve kidnapped the wrong guy. Look at the facts. If this is the case of Camp versus Sparrow for the death of Cock Robin, shouldn’t Cock Robin be dead? In case you haven’t noticed I am very much alive and--
That can soon be fixed? You’ve got to be kidding. No way is that standard legal procedure -- Motion carried?
Big mistake.
Get ready, toucans. You’re about to find out that nobody flips the bird like I do.
Poll Vote!
Character: Fuuma Yousuke
Series: Ai Tenshi Densetsu Wedding Peach
Age: 14
Canon: Once upon a time, in Magical Girl land, there was a war between the Angels and the Demons. The most powerful Demon and the most powerful Angel beat the holy living hell out of one another, thus causing amnesia and eventually children to be born into the Human World. And so begins the story of Wedding Peach.
As far as Yousuke goes, he's what you would call the 'love interest' of the main character, Hanasaki Momoko. 'Love interest' is a term that should probably be used loosely for most of the series, however, as he spends most of his appearances teasing Momoko and her friends, giving them amusing nicknames (really, he means that Momoko looks like a blowfish in a nice way!), and generally being a lovable jerk. When he's not calling Momoko and her friends aquatically derived epithets, he can often be found on the soccer field, as his school's back-up goalie (later in the series, he makes starting line-up). In general, you could say that Yousuke is a normal, if somewhat sarcastic and snarky, young guy.
Oh, and remember those battling Angels and Demons from the first paragraph? Unbeknownst to Yousuke (and pretty much everyone else), the Demon that fell into the Human World just so happened to be his Dad, Uragano - making him the third most powerful Demon in existence (second in the anime), Viento. Oops?
Sample Post:
Alright, guys. Look.
I like a good joke as much as the next guy. I mean, I'll admit to having pranked my fair share of newbies. And, uhh, these "living dead" you have out here? Those are real creative. Real realistic. Trust me on this one. Not sure what that's got to do with a soccer camp, but... good job? I guess? Can't help but wonder when you guys have a chance to actually practice, though - what, between building those mechanical 'tentacles' in the lake and dressing up in purple gorilla suits?
I especially liked the one with the poofy white hair that tried to shove me into a boxer's robe. That one was inspired. "Only in America", huh? Wasn't this guy Mike Bison's fight promoter or something? And the paper he shoved into my hand? "Shonen Retard Battle Royale, featuring Fuuma Yousuke"? I could've sworn I was dropped into a fighting manga instead of a soccer camp. And you guys over there, the "zombies" in the green visors? Yeah, nice outfits. I can hear you betting against me, by the way. I don't get better odds than just one severed finger? Come on, at least give me a whole hand!
Now see, I can handle all that. Haha funny, right? But who the hell dresses up a flock of pink bird... THINGS to look like a guy's girlfriend?!
I'm not gonna ask who took my picture of her to make these things. I just want whoever's pulling this damn prank to call these things off! They're everywhere - in my hair, down my shirt, in my bags, --if you try to go down my pants, I swear I will squish you-- I think that one's trying to build a nest on me! One's even parading around in my boxers! And when they're not doing this crap, they follow me and just. Stare. At. Me. It's like they're staring into my very soul!
...
Besides. Everyone knows that Momopi looks more like a pufferfish than a bird, anyway.
Poll Vote!
Character: Naba Chizuru
Series: Mahou Sensei Negima [Manga]
Age: 15
Canon: Take an apparently ordinary middle school girl. Add a heaping cup of maternal instinct. Blend well with one cup fondness for children and helping others. Add one (1) package of Looks of Doom(TM). Lightly season with an occasionally cruel sense of humor and a tendency to smile 95% of the time. Serve with a main course of a classful of normal and magical girls led by a genius child mage and you have Naba Chizuru.
Overall she really is a friendly girl who volunteers at the local daycare center and is a member of the astronomy club. She mothers her roommates, not only cooking and cleaning for them, but putting her foot down in order to get things done, standing up against clear danger to defend them, and displaying a sense of pride in them when they do well. She's also known for an occasional perverted side, having once suggested an undergarmentless maid cafe for a class project. And, of course, she wouldn't be Chizu-nee without her tendency to scare her classmates into doing what she wants. All it takes is a look~
Sample Post:
My, what a unique place this is! So extravagant~ One of you must tell me how they're able to make the stars look so different here. Is it a dome of some kind? Though I don't remember going inside anywhere... The star charts that were handed out are very useful by the way, but this 'Goatse' constellation is misspelled, and... Ara ara, is it really supposed to look like that? Nothing like a goat...
But there are many other interesting ones here! Like this - it's an odd name, but 4chan is an excellent likeness of a black hole. You can actually see that a few stars in the Goatse constellation have been pulled out of alignment by it! My, the attention to detail is amazing~
Oh, but you probably don't want to listen to me go on about that forever. I do have a question for you though! You see I found a young gorilla abandoned earlier - I'm not sure why he's purple... Is it a rare breed? In any case, I simply couldn't leave him there alone. He's much too young too be on his own yet. And the way he clung to my clothes - such a firm grip~ He nearly pulled them off at first! I suppose he must be a playful sort.
-Silly me, I nearly forgot about the question! Would any of you happen to know what kind of shampoo works best for the gorillas? Katashi, the gorilla I found, he likes to play rough with the zombies, and it makes such a mess of his fur. But the only shampoo I could find bleached it a little. Ara, at least he doesn't mind the lavender... But I do wonder where he found the glitter.
I'll need to find something else for him to eat too. He does enjoy the bananas I found for him, but he spends so much time just-
-No, Katashi. We don't eat our bananas like that~
Poll Vote!
Character: Luke fon Fabre
Series: Tales of the Abyss
Age: 17
Canon: Despite being heir to the throne of his kingdom, Luke fon Fabre wasn't particularly good for much. He lost all of his memories at age ten and subsequently had to be raised from a know-nothing infant all over again, this time by his best friend, Guy Cecil. Initially this left him a stubborn, arrogant, whiny little brat who somehow still had enough self-esteem issues to blush furiously whenever anyone actually praised him. However, being chosen to save the world and forced to kill a few thousand people in the process has a way of humbling one, and over the course of the game Luke becomes one of the most generous, understanding and self-sacrificing people on the planet.
New and Improved Luke wants to help you. Yes, you. He wants to do whatever it takes to make you happy. Fetch quests? At no additional charge! Save your city? Happily! Give you copious amounts of money to fund your frivolous dream of turning a giant mansion into a small amusement park? Nooo problemo. But despite growing up enough to take responsibility for... just about everything ever, Luke still only has seven years of memory behind him. Thus he can be not only unknowledgeable but very naive, something that tends to frustrate him. And since even dramatic life changes can't COMPLETELY wipe out the old, Luke is not at all above still being a whiny little wiseass. Just, you know, while he runs all over the world doing your errands for you.
Sample Post:
Well, this is just great. Good one, Luke. Barely on your own for a whole day, and you've ended up lost in a strange place without even the shirt on your back.
At least it was for a good cause, I guess. I'd never even thought about it before, but even plants must want to feel like someone cares about them -- why else would they get so lonely? I didn't really mind letting them pass me around for hugs... those are always nice. But they could've at least listened to me when I told them to be more careful about my clothes. I liked that shirt. As it is, I'm lucky I was able to get away before I lost my pants too. They must really not get that many visitors way out there, if they were that desperate.
Anyway, this is no time to be complaining about being underdressed, even if it is too cold to be walking around like this. I was told the people here need my help, and who knows how long they have before this disease eats them away completely? Uugh, I've never even heard of UST before! Why don't I ever know about the important things?! Guy could probably at least tell me something about it. I'll have to ask him later if there's any way to at least relieve the pain of the people suffering from it, even a little.
Really, the only thing I do know about UST is that it's supposed to be a disease that rots the brains. But I think whoever started that rumor got their facts mixed up a little. Their brains definitely aren't the only things rotting. That must be what goes first though, because I haven't heard any of them moaning "aaaaaarrrmms".
How does something like this even happen?! It's got to be because all these people are locked up together, right? They don't have any choice but to wait, while it spreads from one person to the next. But... that's horrible! I can't accept that all these people are going to get UST and just rot away, trapped here, begging for release.
I don't know if I can really be of any help -- I'm not even a healer. But I'll do whatever I can! Just tell me where I can lend a hand.
Poll Vote!
Character: Heat
Series: Digital Devil Saga
Age: Physically around 17-21 somewhere.
Canon: Digital Devil Saga is the story of people in a world called the Junkyard, where tribes battle with each other to gain access to Nirvana. But in a sudden twist, everyone gets turned into cannibalistic demons! Awkwa~ard.
Heat is an officer of the Embryon tribe and the group's requisite anti-hero; he is capable of shape-shifting into a two-headed fire demon. Aggressive and with a mean sense of humor, Heat growls instead of talking normally and claims to be perfectly willing to take over if their leader gets snuffed. He is also pretty much the only one who doesn't have issues with the whole 'people are an always food' thing. Actually, he sort of thinks eating people is the best thing ever. Hell, the vast majority of his optional dialogue revolves around it. (And the rest is about this girl he's passionate to protect.) Although this may make Heat seem like a bit of a one-trick cannibal, it's due to a special issue in his canon -- the characters suffer from a double form of amnesia. They start out blank slates, then awaken to emotion and a rough identity, THEN later to memory. At the time he's apped from (between games 1 and 2, to match with Cielo), Heat's only awoken to the first, so he's a bit rough about the edges and focused on the things he knows -- strength, killing, devouring. Even later, he's the sort of guy who finds his reason for life in combat -- but if you're going to take him on, you'd better have guts.
After all, he likes that in a meal.
Sample Post:
All right, listen up, because I'm only gonna say this once. Either you're gonna show me the way to my comrades or you're gonna show me the exit. Oh, don't think you can keep this information from me. There's a lot of you here and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get answers before I get full.
See, I'm not sure I buy this whole "once you're in, you can't get out" thing. There has to be some trick to it. Fight these counselor-types for dominance of camp? That could be arranged. Climb the tallest building in camp? Okay, fine. Take down the person making the dumbshit rules camp has to live by? Can do that too. Sure, I know they say she's not really easily accessible, but--
Director, how about a dinner date?
... Nah, I didn't actually expect that to work. Getting a snack's never that easy. Sure, there's a certain appeal to having to fight for a meal, but the food here's been pretty disgusting so far. I mean, I'm used to food disagreeing with me -- it's always "Heat, don't eat me!" this and "Please, don't hurt me! Stay back!" that -- but that's usually before they die, not after. Raw flesh yes; rotting flesh, hell no.
Even if it's true that I can't leave, you'd better produce my comrades if you wanna live. I'm looking for a black-haired girl. If she's here and I don't see her within the next half hour, you're all toast. C'mon, think. You seen her? Go on and discuss it with each other; I don't care. Two heads are better than one ... which means I can eat you in half the time, so I'd better get an answer fast. The rest of the Embryon tribe should have ended up here like I did too. Take me to my leader.
Nothing? Don't think I'm just going to give up. I'm not that type of guy.
See... where there's life, there's lunch.
Poll Vote!
Character: Inugami Kotarou
Series: Mahou Sensei Negima
Age: 12 years old
Canon: Negima is the story of a ten-year-old Welsh mage named Negi who moves to Japan to teach English at an all-girl's school. Kotarou is a part wolf demon/part human boy who was originally hired to prevent Negi from delivering a letter, but he was eventually defeated in a fight with the mage. Excited at the prospects of someone in his age group being strong enough to fight him, the two ended up becoming close friends/ETERNAL RIVALS in true shonen retard style.
Kotarou is a pretty simple guy. He's the kind of person who will either throw himself into something wholeheartedly, or else not bother. He can be impulsive and overconfident at times, and often goes into things without thinking them through. Kotarou is generally energetic, although nothing gets him more excited than fighting. He's a bit of a hothead sometimes, but he's got a strict sense of chivalry and won't fight a woman unless she's a strong fighter.
Sample Post:
What's up? I just got here a little while ago, but none of you guys had better go easy on me, you hear? I hate stuff like that. It's pointless! I wanna get some training done, and it's no good at all if you don't go all the way. It takes all the fun out of it!
So what's the deal with the locals? I was hoping for a real challenge, but it's just like wham! bam! and the guys I'm fighting start to fall apart, and I mean that in the literal, "his nose just caved in" way. It's boring! I came here to train, not to waste my time fighting a bunch of weaklings. The zombies that you see in all the video games are much tougher than the ones I've been running into around here- although at least these guys'll keep coming at you no matter how many bits they lose, I'll give 'em credit for that. But still!
And okay, normally you'd think that a tentacle monster like the one that's in the lake right over there would be the PERFECT thing to get into a nice, fun sparring round with, but of course this one just has to be a FEMALE tentacle monster. It's really not fair. I don't hit girls, even if they're girls that've got too many arms and look like they belong on another planet. It's just not right! So there goes another golden opportunity for me. I mean- come ON, how's a guy supposed to get stronger when there's nothing good to fight around here? Tch.
It really sucks that I can't find a bigger challenge than this. I'm not going to let it get me down, though. I can improvise when I wanna, and since I can't find anything better to fight, then that's what I'm gonna do now. Let's see... the forest has lots of trees, right? So then, I can practice my moves on some of them. Yeah, I bet that'd work real well. --Whoa! Hey, I thought that a tree's bark was supposed to be worse than its bite, not the other way around! What gives?!
...I guess I underestimated this camp place after all. This is GREAT!
Poll Vote!
Character: Ramza Beoulve
Series: Final Fantasy Tactics
Age: 17
Canon: In the land of Ivalice, war was beginning. It the midst of a conflict with enough coup d'états, backstabbing and double agents to make even Shakespeare cry "murder!" we find Ramza. The bastard son of the great knight Balbanes Beoulve, Ramza is still recognized as a noble, though he seems to have none of the underhanded dealings, treachery, and possession by zodiac demons that run rampant in the world of Ivalice. Instead, he's far more willing to naively cling to his ideals of justice and desire to protect the innocent and the weak. Perhaps because of the circumstances surrounding his birth, Ramza is a bit modest and shy, though firmly clings to his belief that all men are created equal and fights to prevent senseless violence and the slaughter of innocents. Ironically enough, these actions wind up getting him branded as a heretic by the church and erased from the history books.
Notes for the app: Because Final Fantasy Tactics had an official translation that, though not on par with All Your Base, was certainly found to be lacking by the fans, I've based Ramza's voice in this app on the fan translations of the script that can be found here. I feel that it better represents Ramza's noble upbringing as well as his original Japanese voice.
Also, FFT has side-quests called "propositions" which are essentially little expeditions that you take at bars. Malboros are also the FF equivalent of tentacle monsters.
Sample Post:
That was a close one, good sir. Had your struggle continued a moment longer, you might have lost your arm. But no worries, my steed Boco is swift on his feet and I was able to catch it as your foe severed it from your body. You are more than welcome to have it back now if you would but offer me a bit of assistance. You see, I have come from the land of Ivalice, hired to assist you and your comrades in arms.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I assume by your blank expression that you wish to know who hired me. I believe I still have the proposition on my person. You may peruse it if you desire. If I am not mistaken the original wording was along the lines of "Summer Swamp Scandal! Charging into battle in the swamps of the land of Louisiana, my troops unwittingly released a powerful curse that turned us all to zombies! Now the enemy monthly sends waves of embittered and apathetic teens to battle against us, not understanding the plight of my zombie companions! Send help quickly! --Trent Ackle Rapier"
I must say that when I read the proposition, I did not expect that your troops would number so many! At every turn I find myself face to face with the decaying flesh of another who has been so wrongfully cursed and then set upon by the forces that have since amassed here. I have tried to use the holy water in my stores to return your friends to their rightful state, but it seems to have no effect. Yet such obstructions will not force me to abandon my efforts. I cannot let you suffer unjustly!
Perhaps if you could direct me to a body of water I might be of better assistance to your cause? You see the holy water I have comes from the waters of Ivalice. However, it would seem that the local fauna in this area is…quite different from those regions. I-is it really appropriate to…grow women's undergarments? I think this difference in climate may be why my waters have not yet cured you of your curse. I have some training as a priest, and though I may be a bit rusty, I'm sure that holy water made of your local springs would be certain to reverse your undeserved fate.
N-no, sir, I'm not in search of brains, I mean to ask you for where I might find a river or stream of some sort. Though it saddens me to see you so afflicted with this curse that has crippled you and your brethren. I cannot imagine what sort of foul, polluted, and disgusting-ah! A lake! Excellent! I only need a few vials before I can-oh. S-sir, I think you should be aware that your lake seems to have an unwanted inhabitant. If you desire I would be more than willing to take care of it for…ah. Good sir, why are you laughing? No, wait-don't push-!!
I…I didn't know Malboros were that big o-or that…friendly. N-no worries, sir, I believe I'll be just fine, but d-does…someone have a potion? Or…I…think I need a phoenix down…
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. These results look pretty solid to me. Closed!
Character: Robin
Series: Teen Titans Cartoon.
Age: Teenager. Not specified, but around 15-ish.
Canon: Robin is the leader of the Teen Titans, five crime-fighting friends. Their opponents range from fanboys with souped-up remotes to Apocalypse enducing demons and the criminal mastermind Slade. The Titans defeat their foes with team-work, justice and friendship, relying heavily on Robin's plans and analytical skill in figuring out their opponent’s motives and weaknesses. Despite lacking superpowers, Robin is at the fore-front of any attack, relying on reflexes and gadgets to give him an edge against villains and let him keep up with his team-mates.
And Robin more than keeps up. He trains seriously, often competitively, using a fighting style that blends martial arts with high-tech birdarangs and other gadgets. He's confident and focused, sometimes to the point of obsession, a trait that has allowed him to be manipulated more than once. Serious when focused on the job at hand and with clear views on justice, Robin has nonetheless made some bad judgement calls. However, he's mature enough to recognise when he's gone too far and takes responsibility for his mistakes. He's also got a healthy appreciation for danger, enjoys banter and video games with his team-mates and is as spectacularly bad at romantic relationships as you’d expect from a guy who wears his Robin mask to prom.
Note: In interviews about the show, the Titans creators have stated that they didn't want to address the issue of dual identities. Robin is Robin. Which Robin (in the comics-verse there have been four to date) is immaterial. Although there are strong hints that Titans!Robin's alter-ego is Dick Grayson, I'm following the creators’ lead and apping Robin, not Dick.
Sample Post:
Listen up, toucans. I’m about to demonstrate why a birdarang in the hand is worth two in the bush. You might have been able to dodge my bo-staff but the only way you’ll be able to escape this nest egg is by reading my -- mind?
... telepathic toucans. Right.
Am I going to going to co-operate like a good exhibit A? Don’t count your Robins before they’ve hatched. I’ve still got a secret weapon up my sleeve. You may be able to read my mind, toucans, but toucan play at that game. I have an entire arsenal of bad bird puns that I am not afraid to use.
Don’t believe me?
You may have succeeded in kidnapping me, but the yolk’s on you. Sure the emphasis on ‘fowl’ in your string of foul play orchestrated to get the Titans’ attention did have me thinking that your target was Raven or possibly Beast Boy, but you’ll find I am no sitting duck. I’ve winged it against opponents more numerous than you, and I can do it again. I suggest you tell me your plans. Now.
Yes, I thought you’d see it my way.
... evidence in a trial? But ... that doesn’t make sense. One, I’m a crime-fighter. A very human crime-fighter. Not only am I not your fine feathered friend, but we do not flock together, and I do not qualify as evidence in your trial. Two, it’s Robin. ROBIN. Not Cock Robin and definitely not -- let’s not even go there. I don’t care what your telepathy is telling you, you’ve kidnapped the wrong guy. Look at the facts. If this is the case of Camp versus Sparrow for the death of Cock Robin, shouldn’t Cock Robin be dead? In case you haven’t noticed I am very much alive and--
That can soon be fixed? You’ve got to be kidding. No way is that standard legal procedure -- Motion carried?
Big mistake.
Get ready, toucans. You’re about to find out that nobody flips the bird like I do.
Poll Vote!
Character: Fuuma Yousuke
Series: Ai Tenshi Densetsu Wedding Peach
Age: 14
Canon: Once upon a time, in Magical Girl land, there was a war between the Angels and the Demons. The most powerful Demon and the most powerful Angel beat the holy living hell out of one another, thus causing amnesia and eventually children to be born into the Human World. And so begins the story of Wedding Peach.
As far as Yousuke goes, he's what you would call the 'love interest' of the main character, Hanasaki Momoko. 'Love interest' is a term that should probably be used loosely for most of the series, however, as he spends most of his appearances teasing Momoko and her friends, giving them amusing nicknames (really, he means that Momoko looks like a blowfish in a nice way!), and generally being a lovable jerk. When he's not calling Momoko and her friends aquatically derived epithets, he can often be found on the soccer field, as his school's back-up goalie (later in the series, he makes starting line-up). In general, you could say that Yousuke is a normal, if somewhat sarcastic and snarky, young guy.
Oh, and remember those battling Angels and Demons from the first paragraph? Unbeknownst to Yousuke (and pretty much everyone else), the Demon that fell into the Human World just so happened to be his Dad, Uragano - making him the third most powerful Demon in existence (second in the anime), Viento. Oops?
Sample Post:
Alright, guys. Look.
I like a good joke as much as the next guy. I mean, I'll admit to having pranked my fair share of newbies. And, uhh, these "living dead" you have out here? Those are real creative. Real realistic. Trust me on this one. Not sure what that's got to do with a soccer camp, but... good job? I guess? Can't help but wonder when you guys have a chance to actually practice, though - what, between building those mechanical 'tentacles' in the lake and dressing up in purple gorilla suits?
I especially liked the one with the poofy white hair that tried to shove me into a boxer's robe. That one was inspired. "Only in America", huh? Wasn't this guy Mike Bison's fight promoter or something? And the paper he shoved into my hand? "Shonen Retard Battle Royale, featuring Fuuma Yousuke"? I could've sworn I was dropped into a fighting manga instead of a soccer camp. And you guys over there, the "zombies" in the green visors? Yeah, nice outfits. I can hear you betting against me, by the way. I don't get better odds than just one severed finger? Come on, at least give me a whole hand!
Now see, I can handle all that. Haha funny, right? But who the hell dresses up a flock of pink bird... THINGS to look like a guy's girlfriend?!
I'm not gonna ask who took my picture of her to make these things. I just want whoever's pulling this damn prank to call these things off! They're everywhere - in my hair, down my shirt, in my bags, --if you try to go down my pants, I swear I will squish you-- I think that one's trying to build a nest on me! One's even parading around in my boxers! And when they're not doing this crap, they follow me and just. Stare. At. Me. It's like they're staring into my very soul!
...
Besides. Everyone knows that Momopi looks more like a pufferfish than a bird, anyway.
Poll Vote!
Character: Naba Chizuru
Series: Mahou Sensei Negima [Manga]
Age: 15
Canon: Take an apparently ordinary middle school girl. Add a heaping cup of maternal instinct. Blend well with one cup fondness for children and helping others. Add one (1) package of Looks of Doom(TM). Lightly season with an occasionally cruel sense of humor and a tendency to smile 95% of the time. Serve with a main course of a classful of normal and magical girls led by a genius child mage and you have Naba Chizuru.
Overall she really is a friendly girl who volunteers at the local daycare center and is a member of the astronomy club. She mothers her roommates, not only cooking and cleaning for them, but putting her foot down in order to get things done, standing up against clear danger to defend them, and displaying a sense of pride in them when they do well. She's also known for an occasional perverted side, having once suggested an undergarmentless maid cafe for a class project. And, of course, she wouldn't be Chizu-nee without her tendency to scare her classmates into doing what she wants. All it takes is a look~
Sample Post:
My, what a unique place this is! So extravagant~ One of you must tell me how they're able to make the stars look so different here. Is it a dome of some kind? Though I don't remember going inside anywhere... The star charts that were handed out are very useful by the way, but this 'Goatse' constellation is misspelled, and... Ara ara, is it really supposed to look like that? Nothing like a goat...
But there are many other interesting ones here! Like this - it's an odd name, but 4chan is an excellent likeness of a black hole. You can actually see that a few stars in the Goatse constellation have been pulled out of alignment by it! My, the attention to detail is amazing~
Oh, but you probably don't want to listen to me go on about that forever. I do have a question for you though! You see I found a young gorilla abandoned earlier - I'm not sure why he's purple... Is it a rare breed? In any case, I simply couldn't leave him there alone. He's much too young too be on his own yet. And the way he clung to my clothes - such a firm grip~ He nearly pulled them off at first! I suppose he must be a playful sort.
-Silly me, I nearly forgot about the question! Would any of you happen to know what kind of shampoo works best for the gorillas? Katashi, the gorilla I found, he likes to play rough with the zombies, and it makes such a mess of his fur. But the only shampoo I could find bleached it a little. Ara, at least he doesn't mind the lavender... But I do wonder where he found the glitter.
I'll need to find something else for him to eat too. He does enjoy the bananas I found for him, but he spends so much time just-
-No, Katashi. We don't eat our bananas like that~
Poll Vote!
Character: Luke fon Fabre
Series: Tales of the Abyss
Age: 17
Canon: Despite being heir to the throne of his kingdom, Luke fon Fabre wasn't particularly good for much. He lost all of his memories at age ten and subsequently had to be raised from a know-nothing infant all over again, this time by his best friend, Guy Cecil. Initially this left him a stubborn, arrogant, whiny little brat who somehow still had enough self-esteem issues to blush furiously whenever anyone actually praised him. However, being chosen to save the world and forced to kill a few thousand people in the process has a way of humbling one, and over the course of the game Luke becomes one of the most generous, understanding and self-sacrificing people on the planet.
New and Improved Luke wants to help you. Yes, you. He wants to do whatever it takes to make you happy. Fetch quests? At no additional charge! Save your city? Happily! Give you copious amounts of money to fund your frivolous dream of turning a giant mansion into a small amusement park? Nooo problemo. But despite growing up enough to take responsibility for... just about everything ever, Luke still only has seven years of memory behind him. Thus he can be not only unknowledgeable but very naive, something that tends to frustrate him. And since even dramatic life changes can't COMPLETELY wipe out the old, Luke is not at all above still being a whiny little wiseass. Just, you know, while he runs all over the world doing your errands for you.
Sample Post:
Well, this is just great. Good one, Luke. Barely on your own for a whole day, and you've ended up lost in a strange place without even the shirt on your back.
At least it was for a good cause, I guess. I'd never even thought about it before, but even plants must want to feel like someone cares about them -- why else would they get so lonely? I didn't really mind letting them pass me around for hugs... those are always nice. But they could've at least listened to me when I told them to be more careful about my clothes. I liked that shirt. As it is, I'm lucky I was able to get away before I lost my pants too. They must really not get that many visitors way out there, if they were that desperate.
Anyway, this is no time to be complaining about being underdressed, even if it is too cold to be walking around like this. I was told the people here need my help, and who knows how long they have before this disease eats them away completely? Uugh, I've never even heard of UST before! Why don't I ever know about the important things?! Guy could probably at least tell me something about it. I'll have to ask him later if there's any way to at least relieve the pain of the people suffering from it, even a little.
Really, the only thing I do know about UST is that it's supposed to be a disease that rots the brains. But I think whoever started that rumor got their facts mixed up a little. Their brains definitely aren't the only things rotting. That must be what goes first though, because I haven't heard any of them moaning "aaaaaarrrmms".
How does something like this even happen?! It's got to be because all these people are locked up together, right? They don't have any choice but to wait, while it spreads from one person to the next. But... that's horrible! I can't accept that all these people are going to get UST and just rot away, trapped here, begging for release.
I don't know if I can really be of any help -- I'm not even a healer. But I'll do whatever I can! Just tell me where I can lend a hand.
Poll Vote!
Character: Heat
Series: Digital Devil Saga
Age: Physically around 17-21 somewhere.
Canon: Digital Devil Saga is the story of people in a world called the Junkyard, where tribes battle with each other to gain access to Nirvana. But in a sudden twist, everyone gets turned into cannibalistic demons! Awkwa~ard.
Heat is an officer of the Embryon tribe and the group's requisite anti-hero; he is capable of shape-shifting into a two-headed fire demon. Aggressive and with a mean sense of humor, Heat growls instead of talking normally and claims to be perfectly willing to take over if their leader gets snuffed. He is also pretty much the only one who doesn't have issues with the whole 'people are an always food' thing. Actually, he sort of thinks eating people is the best thing ever. Hell, the vast majority of his optional dialogue revolves around it. (And the rest is about this girl he's passionate to protect.) Although this may make Heat seem like a bit of a one-trick cannibal, it's due to a special issue in his canon -- the characters suffer from a double form of amnesia. They start out blank slates, then awaken to emotion and a rough identity, THEN later to memory. At the time he's apped from (between games 1 and 2, to match with Cielo), Heat's only awoken to the first, so he's a bit rough about the edges and focused on the things he knows -- strength, killing, devouring. Even later, he's the sort of guy who finds his reason for life in combat -- but if you're going to take him on, you'd better have guts.
After all, he likes that in a meal.
Sample Post:
All right, listen up, because I'm only gonna say this once. Either you're gonna show me the way to my comrades or you're gonna show me the exit. Oh, don't think you can keep this information from me. There's a lot of you here and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get answers before I get full.
See, I'm not sure I buy this whole "once you're in, you can't get out" thing. There has to be some trick to it. Fight these counselor-types for dominance of camp? That could be arranged. Climb the tallest building in camp? Okay, fine. Take down the person making the dumbshit rules camp has to live by? Can do that too. Sure, I know they say she's not really easily accessible, but--
Director, how about a dinner date?
... Nah, I didn't actually expect that to work. Getting a snack's never that easy. Sure, there's a certain appeal to having to fight for a meal, but the food here's been pretty disgusting so far. I mean, I'm used to food disagreeing with me -- it's always "Heat, don't eat me!" this and "Please, don't hurt me! Stay back!" that -- but that's usually before they die, not after. Raw flesh yes; rotting flesh, hell no.
Even if it's true that I can't leave, you'd better produce my comrades if you wanna live. I'm looking for a black-haired girl. If she's here and I don't see her within the next half hour, you're all toast. C'mon, think. You seen her? Go on and discuss it with each other; I don't care. Two heads are better than one ... which means I can eat you in half the time, so I'd better get an answer fast. The rest of the Embryon tribe should have ended up here like I did too. Take me to my leader.
Nothing? Don't think I'm just going to give up. I'm not that type of guy.
See... where there's life, there's lunch.
Poll Vote!
Character: Inugami Kotarou
Series: Mahou Sensei Negima
Age: 12 years old
Canon: Negima is the story of a ten-year-old Welsh mage named Negi who moves to Japan to teach English at an all-girl's school. Kotarou is a part wolf demon/part human boy who was originally hired to prevent Negi from delivering a letter, but he was eventually defeated in a fight with the mage. Excited at the prospects of someone in his age group being strong enough to fight him, the two ended up becoming close friends/ETERNAL RIVALS in true shonen retard style.
Kotarou is a pretty simple guy. He's the kind of person who will either throw himself into something wholeheartedly, or else not bother. He can be impulsive and overconfident at times, and often goes into things without thinking them through. Kotarou is generally energetic, although nothing gets him more excited than fighting. He's a bit of a hothead sometimes, but he's got a strict sense of chivalry and won't fight a woman unless she's a strong fighter.
Sample Post:
What's up? I just got here a little while ago, but none of you guys had better go easy on me, you hear? I hate stuff like that. It's pointless! I wanna get some training done, and it's no good at all if you don't go all the way. It takes all the fun out of it!
So what's the deal with the locals? I was hoping for a real challenge, but it's just like wham! bam! and the guys I'm fighting start to fall apart, and I mean that in the literal, "his nose just caved in" way. It's boring! I came here to train, not to waste my time fighting a bunch of weaklings. The zombies that you see in all the video games are much tougher than the ones I've been running into around here- although at least these guys'll keep coming at you no matter how many bits they lose, I'll give 'em credit for that. But still!
And okay, normally you'd think that a tentacle monster like the one that's in the lake right over there would be the PERFECT thing to get into a nice, fun sparring round with, but of course this one just has to be a FEMALE tentacle monster. It's really not fair. I don't hit girls, even if they're girls that've got too many arms and look like they belong on another planet. It's just not right! So there goes another golden opportunity for me. I mean- come ON, how's a guy supposed to get stronger when there's nothing good to fight around here? Tch.
It really sucks that I can't find a bigger challenge than this. I'm not going to let it get me down, though. I can improvise when I wanna, and since I can't find anything better to fight, then that's what I'm gonna do now. Let's see... the forest has lots of trees, right? So then, I can practice my moves on some of them. Yeah, I bet that'd work real well. --Whoa! Hey, I thought that a tree's bark was supposed to be worse than its bite, not the other way around! What gives?!
...I guess I underestimated this camp place after all. This is GREAT!
Poll Vote!
Character: Ramza Beoulve
Series: Final Fantasy Tactics
Age: 17
Canon: In the land of Ivalice, war was beginning. It the midst of a conflict with enough coup d'états, backstabbing and double agents to make even Shakespeare cry "murder!" we find Ramza. The bastard son of the great knight Balbanes Beoulve, Ramza is still recognized as a noble, though he seems to have none of the underhanded dealings, treachery, and possession by zodiac demons that run rampant in the world of Ivalice. Instead, he's far more willing to naively cling to his ideals of justice and desire to protect the innocent and the weak. Perhaps because of the circumstances surrounding his birth, Ramza is a bit modest and shy, though firmly clings to his belief that all men are created equal and fights to prevent senseless violence and the slaughter of innocents. Ironically enough, these actions wind up getting him branded as a heretic by the church and erased from the history books.
Notes for the app: Because Final Fantasy Tactics had an official translation that, though not on par with All Your Base, was certainly found to be lacking by the fans, I've based Ramza's voice in this app on the fan translations of the script that can be found here. I feel that it better represents Ramza's noble upbringing as well as his original Japanese voice.
Also, FFT has side-quests called "propositions" which are essentially little expeditions that you take at bars. Malboros are also the FF equivalent of tentacle monsters.
Sample Post:
That was a close one, good sir. Had your struggle continued a moment longer, you might have lost your arm. But no worries, my steed Boco is swift on his feet and I was able to catch it as your foe severed it from your body. You are more than welcome to have it back now if you would but offer me a bit of assistance. You see, I have come from the land of Ivalice, hired to assist you and your comrades in arms.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I assume by your blank expression that you wish to know who hired me. I believe I still have the proposition on my person. You may peruse it if you desire. If I am not mistaken the original wording was along the lines of "Summer Swamp Scandal! Charging into battle in the swamps of the land of Louisiana, my troops unwittingly released a powerful curse that turned us all to zombies! Now the enemy monthly sends waves of embittered and apathetic teens to battle against us, not understanding the plight of my zombie companions! Send help quickly! --Trent Ackle Rapier"
I must say that when I read the proposition, I did not expect that your troops would number so many! At every turn I find myself face to face with the decaying flesh of another who has been so wrongfully cursed and then set upon by the forces that have since amassed here. I have tried to use the holy water in my stores to return your friends to their rightful state, but it seems to have no effect. Yet such obstructions will not force me to abandon my efforts. I cannot let you suffer unjustly!
Perhaps if you could direct me to a body of water I might be of better assistance to your cause? You see the holy water I have comes from the waters of Ivalice. However, it would seem that the local fauna in this area is…quite different from those regions. I-is it really appropriate to…grow women's undergarments? I think this difference in climate may be why my waters have not yet cured you of your curse. I have some training as a priest, and though I may be a bit rusty, I'm sure that holy water made of your local springs would be certain to reverse your undeserved fate.
N-no, sir, I'm not in search of brains, I mean to ask you for where I might find a river or stream of some sort. Though it saddens me to see you so afflicted with this curse that has crippled you and your brethren. I cannot imagine what sort of foul, polluted, and disgusting-ah! A lake! Excellent! I only need a few vials before I can-oh. S-sir, I think you should be aware that your lake seems to have an unwanted inhabitant. If you desire I would be more than willing to take care of it for…ah. Good sir, why are you laughing? No, wait-don't push-!!
I…I didn't know Malboros were that big o-or that…friendly. N-no worries, sir, I believe I'll be just fine, but d-does…someone have a potion? Or…I…think I need a phoenix down…
Poll Vote!