(no subject)
NEXT ROUND.
As a reminder! We said something about this in December, but it needs to be mentioned again: we have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to applications and plagiarism. Do not lift lines from other applications and rework them only slightly for your own application. We will weed/remove all applications that come out as being "borrowed."
Also, there's a dup at the end!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED.
Character: Maya Fey
Series: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / Justice For All
Age: 18
Canon: "Be shocked and amazed - each case is a terrifying roller coaster of emotion! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be on the edge of your seat with your heart pounding! Will he barely scrape his way to a not guilty again?! Find out, and come to Wright and Co. Law Offices!" That's the kind of catch phrase Maya Fey thought up for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, in the middle of a circus murder investigation. After all, what suspect wouldn't want Wright to defend a murder trial after seeing a bright, glittery promotional poster like that?! . . .Needless to say, she's a little out of touch with reality. But who can blame her, considering her surroundings? It's a logic game that thinks whipping the judge is okay. EVERYONE'S a little out of touch with reality.
Maya's colorful resume includes touching everything at murder scenes, confiscating critical evidence for Nick's case by hiding it in her clothes, channeling her dead sister for some mentor's advice when the going gets tough, never missing a single episode of her favorite children's shows with cheesy titles, and never letting Nick give up on his goal, no matter how hopeless. She has solid determination, a good eye, a great heart, and no impulse filter whatsoever, thus is gifted with a talent for wacky tangents. If you're a lawyer, lake monster, samurai, burger, or a random movie prop, Maya is your number one fan. She's been kidnapped by an assassin and held for ransom, threatened by the mafia, framed for murder twice, and shocked by a psycho with a tazer, but this is all in a day's work as Maya Fey, spirit medium and Phoenix Wright's assistant!
Sample Post:
Wooooow, another murder at a movie studio? That does it - the evidence shows professional stars are way more likely to crack than postal workers! From here on out, going postal will be referred to as going actor! But don't worry, everyone. The Company of Wright and Company is on the case! I'm a seasoned professional when it comes to murders in the entertainment business by now. It's our policy to bark up every tree in the forest until we find the Wright one!
Speaking of which, Hi, Nick! You're probably all bitter and stressed out by now, but lucky for you your helpful assistant has arrived to help you catch the crooks and cheer you up! Like they say, all you have to do is walk into the light! ... Or is that find the light at the end of the tunnel? Hey Nick, what if it's a train? I guess you shouldn't go into mysterious dark tunnels anyway, no matter how alluring! I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?
I wonder what kind of production they're working on? I bet it's an epic battle to conquer Camp Fuck You Die! Won't that make a great pilot episode? The Zinc Zombies Battle the Perverse Purple Primate Pack! It could be the next big thing with grade school kids! Fight on, brave shambling warriors! Carry on in a time of adversity, just like the underpaid men and women who play you! You have to admit, the extras here are really inspiring. The director's fiancee is murdered, and they're still working so hard on the production, kept sharp by never knowing when a peer is going to go actor!
Maybe I should try to get to know them better? I could practice my acting with them! Graaaaaaagh! I may have eaten that pizza before coming here, but I have a second stomach for your braaaaaaaaaains! . . .Though maybe we should try to spice that up? Everyone's heard braaains before. Zinc Zombie Maya would want your buuuurrrgeerrrrs.
. . .
Oh, I know! I think the first stop for the investigation should be the mess hall! Those clues in the refrigerator aren't going to find themselves. I'd better do a really thorough search!
Poll Vote!
Character: Shirley Fennes
Series: Tales of Legendia
Age: 15
Canon: (contains spoilers for the main quest) Tales of Legendia is an RPG story of undying trust and friendship, of hope and humanity--of, ultimately, retards with magical powers. One of these, Shirley Fennes, slowly overcomes a sheltered, lonely existence to become a strong-willed and good-hearted leader. She is the Merines, the chosen one of the People of the Water. After the main quest, Shirley finds herself acting as a diplomat between them and the People of the Land, although she spends most of her time living with the land race and helping her adoptive brother/not-boyfriend, Senel Coolidge, exterminate the monsters that plague the countryside. (A proper Merines needs to level up!)
She is, for the most part, dignified, understanding, forgiving, and kind. She has a commanding presence when she needs it, although she is still shy and socially awkward at times. Around her friends she is also dorky, insecure, girlish, and plenty capable of teasing. All the girl really wants is world peace and understanding--but that doesn't mean she's not capable of putting up a fight, using special pens to cast powerful magic in battle.
Shirley is being taken from the end of the game. Note: The Oresoren are a race of anthropomorphic, scallop-loving otters.
Sample Post:
First, I want to thank you all so much for your hospitality and patience. My responsibilities are still new to me, but I know that we can learn together. Actually, when I heard that this camp was called Seafood, I was expecting it to be an Oresoren village, but when I asked where I could find the otters, I got only questioning looks, and someone offered me a strange fuzzy costume to wear. It's very cute, but I'm sorry, I'm comfortable in my own armor. I just don't think I'm a "furry" kind of girl!
But I don't want to focus on our past mistakes. I want to think about solutions! You've spent a lot of time fighting over your differences, and it's hard to set hatred aside. You may ask yourself, "Can I really call someone Brother when they have gray skin? Two fingers? Three ears?" I don't think they're all his, but that itself is a difference between us... I'm not going to tell you it's easy. But where has the fighting gotten you? Don't we all, living or undead, share a home here? We may never really get along. But even if we're different, we are all walking...limping, lurching, slithering, crawling, and...dragging ourselves...into the future together. We need to face forward, with our heads held high!
...Um, but. That may have been a little too high. Just on top of your shoulders is high enough, as long as you keep your chin up. No, I didn't mean...I think I need to consider my wording more carefully in the future.
A-as you can see, even though we're still trying very hard to understand each other, the zombies are willing to make an effort for peace. Like any race of people, when you take the time to reach out to them, they'll take the time to reach out to you, too. Um, let go, please. They may seem backwards to us, especially when they put their heads on facing the wrong direction. But these people understand something: that it doesn't matter whether or not our hearts are beating, and it doesn't matter whether we live on land or in the water. The People of the Water, too, are extending the hand of peace, even in this very camp--
...That. That isn't a hand...
S-stay back, please, and don't make me fight you! The pen is mightier than the tentacle!
Poll Vote!
Character: Temari
Series: Naruto
Age: 18
Canon: Look, out in the sand! It's a rock! Wait -- is it a cactus? No! No, it's Temari, and this beginning is so overused and trite slkjkfs sorry.
Temari is the older sister of Gaara and the eldest of the "Sand Siblings," an orphaned ninja family from the Hidden Village of Sand (also known as Sunagakure). Growing up with a psychotic killer for a little brother made it fully necessary for Temari to develop the brains, inner strength, and s'awesome ninja abilities needed to survive in Gaara's disturbed and violent presence, blood-relation or no. Though her character development has never taken complete center stage in the manga (fillers do so not count), it is blindingly obvious that her past has pushed Temari to become a strong, ruthless-but-fair-minded woman... while still letting her be a girl that worries and frets over her dysfunctional family.
Her abilities include using a large iron fan to blow away trees, summoning adorable evil ferrets to blow away entire forests, and passing snarky little comments about the ability of the men in her life.
Sample Post:
Using the undead to kidnap the Kazekage.
If this didn't involve my brother, I think that I'd almost be able to appreciate the level of originality. It's beyond the usual 'underneath the underneath,' I'll give you bastards that much... but what is simply a new threat will not terrify Suna into abandoning its leader like you think it will. Our village isn't run by "Monsters, Inc." and I am jamming an iron fan into the first fool who implies again that it is.
Suna's other ambassadors have been ridiculously generous in their diplomacy -- your swamp village is still standing, as previously negotiated in our letters -- but I most definitely don't possess the same level of patience of those superstitious councillors. Like hell if I'm going to ignore the political capacity I have to demand that Gaara be released immediately into my escort, unharmed and without complications -- and no, without any strange curses on my brother, either. I'm not bringing back some tiny kitten to protect Suna with; that's ridiculous.
My request for my brother back won't be denied, and you are not going to throw another lame excuse at me again. Gaara is not too busy sanding down someone's carpentry, powdering his nose, playing the part of a creature in your black lagoon, or whatever other complete bullshit you've tried assuring our village with.
If you've hidden him, fine. I'm not against leveling this eyesore to the ground to find out where he's hidden. Even if some of your underlings managed to vandalize my fans with -- whatever, a few Icha Icha rejects aren't going to stop someone like me. I will leave no stone unturned when it comes to Gaara, because my little brother --
-- pretending that the Kazekage is a panda is not... is there something mentally wrong with you?
Poll Vote!
Character: Soubi Agatsuma
Series: Loveless
Age: 20
Canon: Loveless takes place in a world where select pairs, born with matching words on their bodies, fight battles with spells--in these battles, each team has a "Fighter" and a "Sacrifice. Soubi, the former Fighter unit for "Beloved" Seimei, broke taboo when Seimei died, by becoming "Loveless" Ritsuka's Fighter. Developing shotacon love for his new master, the masochistic Soubi may yet be able to learn proper social skills and how to be human.
A talented albeit mysterious artist, Soubi is mellow, thoughtful, easy-going, and easily mistaken as a pedophilic perv. His borderline obsessive infatuation with 12-year-old Ritsuka doesn't help any counter arguments. Tall, with long hair, introspective eyes, and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, its no surprise he's as good looking as he is powerful. With more indifference than disdain for most people, he is intellectual and elegant and really not as bad as many people think. But then again, Soubi really doesn't care what other people think, just Ritsuka.
Sample Post:
Aaaa...The ingenuity of brochure descriptions astound me at times as I thought work like this only appears during election campaigns. The writer is certainly talented in creative albeit skewed truths. Mere words of an art student are not powerful enough to describe the "virgin artistic inspiration" my college sent me to put onto paper. Nor its unique fragrance that, how do I say it, tickles the senses? To state things in a more simple manner, I don't think I can paint that shade of green. Rather, I'm not sure that shade of green exists in the natural world. Nor should it.
Since the aesthetics of this camp seem to remain relatively the same through all the three and a half hours since I've left the drop-off point, this seems as decent spot to start with my rough sketches as any. That rock over there should make a good resting spot for my canvas until I set up my easel. Hmm...I need a better footing here...Just a little closer.
Wait....did it just move?
I see. Apparently giant rocks opening up to swallow art canvases were another thing the writer forgot to mention. Solid evidence that stone work was never my forte.
One canvas, a long walk and thirty minutes later, I finally run into the meeting spot for the woman who will be my model for this project. Although I usually prefer scenery and landscapes, this camp was supposed to broaden my artistic horizons in human portraits and human interaction. Ah, that must be Miss Kanyu Pasmaiarmm now. She appears...unique to say the least. Not exactly the modern city type, although I must say she fits the scenic background quite appropriately. Perhaps a piece done all in shades of sepia and spruce? Sadly her skin appears to be in that singular shade of green I am unable to reproduce. Improvisation seems to be a key element in this art assignment so far.
Ah, Miss, I am Soubi Agatsuma, the artist assigned to this session. I'm sure you've received the information already so we can get started right away. If you'll please move over there? A little more to the side of that molding tree and decaying toucan.
No, Miss, there's no need for you to remove your clothes. I was told this would be just a-
... Ah. Nude modeling it is then.
Poll Vote!
Character: Chris Lightfellow
Series: Suikoden III
Age: 21
Canon: Chris is the legendary "Silver Maiden" of the Zexen
knights, given the title of 'Captain' after the untimely deaths of the
former Captain and Vice Captain in the wars against the Grasslands. Cool,
level-headed and strong, she seems the ideal hero, and is adored by the
Zexen Citizens as the "White Hero", a title she considers to be a burden.
Chris herself is a serious yet kind and compassionate person, with a strong
sense of justice and a deep hatred of what she thinks is unnecessary death.
She joins the Flame Champion with her knights after gaining the True Water
rune to fight in the war against Harmonia.
And yes, some of the monsters encountered in the game are trees
Sample Post:
Well, I have to say that this forest is quite different from that of Zexen
or the Kuput forest. I suppose it has its own sort of charm, although I had
rather hoped to escape attacking trees this far from home. The purple
primates and diverse assortment of fire-breathing mammals, however, are
quite... unique to this place.
Before we begin, I would like to express my apologies for the injury of your
guard upon my arrival. I assure you that it was purely in self-defence,
please give him immediate assistance. I fear that having one's arm cut off
is not "only a flesh wound" as the soldier states, and the… ah… poor hygiene
he seems to keep puts him at risk of infection.
Now, if there no objections, I would like to move onto the purpose of this
meeting. I am Captain Chris Lightfellow of the Zexen knights, and I have
come as a negotiator of peace to discuss the release of the prisoners of
Camp Fuck You Die upon the unanimous decision of the council and knights. I
believe that your confinement of these so called "murder suspects" is both
unjust and unlawful, and as such we will now issue the following demands:
'1) The allowance of Zexen investigators… No, not Sexin',
Zexen in the camp.
2) The immediate release of all prisoners held without valid reason, as
judged by said investigators, and the placement of the Director into our
custody.
3) The capture of the Lake monster, Marcy, for the training of its
"badtouch" ability for defence and… other purposes.
4) The entrustment of the rumoured "pimp cane" for the use at the leisure of
Zexen officials.
Failure to comply with these demands will result in the suspension of your
community and the exclusion of the Director from the Council's sexi-
Zexen party nights.'
My apologies, I assure you that the original document was quite different. I
hope this incident will not create a negative impression.
…No, we are not a licentious nation.
Poll Vote!
Character: Franziska von Karma
Series: Phoenix Wright
Age: 18
Canon: It's the year 2018, and due to the high crime rate, all criminal trials are concluded in three days, most with guilty verdicts. The world of Phoenix Wright is a high-intensity battle of wits between defense attorneys, witnesses lying at 20% of their true power, and hetero side characters. Enter Franziska von Karma, a German-raised prosecuting prodigy with a big cravat to fill. Daughter of the esteemed (albeit deranged) Manfred von Karma, Franziska is utterly obsessed with perfection. She loves to point out the foolishly foolish foolishness in others, usually by spouting off the word "fool' as many times as she can fit into a sentence. Franziska became a prosecutor at the age of 13, and has been whipping her way through legal cases since... literally. Her first trial against Phoenix Wright was the first case she had lost in her five-year career.
Note: The game highlights key words and phrases in orange.
Sample Post:
Ms. Elizabeth Sayre, you are more foolishly foolish than fool's gold mined in fool's paradise by foolishly foolish fools! Do you honestly think that you can get away with bringing me to this rank, dirty place and accusing me of murder? I am a von Karma. I wouldn't waste my time executing some no-name no one in the middle of nowhere! I'll be serving you not only with a subpoena, but a dry cleaning bill. Blood is one thing, but if my whip has so much as even one little stain from this ugly swamp or its undead inhabitants, I will see to it that you are sentenced the maximum penalty!
Enjoy what little time you have left, because I am already building a flawless case. Wrongful imprisonment, child endangerment, non-consentual beastiality, health code violations, fatal vore, tax evasion... just wait until I find out where you've been getting those hearts you've been hiding in all the candelabras!
Ah, but that is just the opening act. As an encore, I will prove not only that your name is not actually Ms. Elizabeth Sayre... but that there never was an Elizabeth Sayre to begin with! Gather round, campers, as I prove that this ridiculous "Director" you fear so foolishly is but a mere puppet of Mr. Stephen Debussey, who faked his own death in order to cover up the terrible truth of his fiancée's real identity...
His 'fiancée'? A horse.
My decisive witness is ambling to the stand as we speak. Witness! What is your name and occupation? ...As you can clearly hear, his name is Brian, and he is a brain surgeon. Do not give me those imbecilic stares! Of course I speak zombie! What are they teaching schoolchildren these da-
Excuse me? I know you didn't just interrupt me, because you can't have already forgotten what pain is! ...What do you mean, I can't prosecute here without a degree in internet lawyering? I'll pass your idiotic /b/ar test with my eyes closed! You... you fool-loving, foolishly fool-hardy... fooly McFool fools!
Poll Vote!
applicant #1
Character: Tir McDohl
Series: Suikoden I & II
Age: appears to be in his late teens
Canon: The Scarlet Moon Empire is a thriving land, full of people who are more than happy with their government, and-- okay, no, not really. That's a horrible lie. In reality, the Empire is decaying from the inside out, full of corrupt officials and and Emperor who's too in love with his Court Magician to do anything about it. Tir is the son of one of the Emperor's most trusted generals. However, due to a series of events largely beyond his control, he also becomes the leader of the rebel Liberation Army. Talk about awkward.
Tir is a fairly cheerful young man with a slightly strange sense of humor. Though he was raised in an affulent household in the capitol city of the empire, he's actually quite down-to-earth and kind--but he's been known to get rather snarky at times. His major source of angst comes from the fact that he's the bearer of one of the Rune of Life and Death, commonly nicknamed the Souleater due to its unfortunate tendency to kill and consume the souls of people close to its bearer. Despite this, Tir tries to look on the bright side as much as he can.
Sample Post:
There's such a thing as being too helpful you know. I understand where the temptation comes from, believe me, I do. I mean, it's included with the job description, right below the part about recruiting the furniture. But my point is, after a while, you're just going too far. It's like trying to send stew through the mail--you're only going to be hurting yourself. And the person opening the package.
All this is to say that while I appreciate the sign, it's not really necessary. And, y'know, a little rude, actually. I mean. "Surgeon General's Warning: Prolonged exposure may result in the death of you and/or your loved ones. Void where prohibited (illegal in Australia)." Come on.
Also, I'm just going fishing. I don't need a zombie guard-- a zombie harem? Is that what you are? Okay, that explains the strategically-placed veils. But I really think you're misunderstanding. I'm not in the market for any, uh, "hos of destiny" at the moment. No matter how qualified your resume is. For one thing, how do dung beetles make you an expert on sex? I don't--
--actually, I just don't want to know. Just could you please point me in the direction of the lake? I was told there was a charming young lady by the name of Marcy could show me around.She should be expecting me, I think. My name's--
ENTER NAME: S C H T O L T E H E I M R E I N B A C H I I I_
Applicant #2
Character: Tir McDohl
Series: Suikoden
Age: 21 (physically 15 due to his rune)
Canon: McDohl hails from the realm of Suikoden, a world ruled by 27 True Runes of incredible power and plagued by wars at the heart of which are often said runes. He is the protagonist of the first Suikoden over the course of which he leads the Toran Liberation Army to victory and forms the Toran Republic. Most notably of all, he is the bearer of the Rune of Life and Death, better known as the Soul Eater due its unpleasant habit of taking the lives of the loved ones of its bearer. Needless to say, the Soul Eater (and its side effect of making people never age) are the source of McDohl's One True Angst. However, he is not a hero and leader for nothing.
He has a great strength of spirit and contagious charisma. He is of a noble and sheltered background making him both well-educated and well-mannered. His naivety of people and the real world has long since been tempered by his wartime experiences, but some of it still lingers. While gentle and people-loving, he keeps everyone around him at arm's length and maintains a certain detachment due to the Soul Eater.
Note: McDohl is taken from after Suikoden II.
Sample Post:
I'm beginning to wonder if these woods are ever going to end. I've been traveling for days now, and I'm beginning to become weary of traveling, not to mention the mud in my shoes and shirt and pants and-- Well, maybe I should be considering a change of last name to "Mudohl". However, that's been the least of my concerns. I've being seeing and hearing... strange things. Am I beginning to crack up?
I met one man who stopped me to tell a tale about an old woman that he knew who had swallowed a fly. I asked him way, but he only told me that he didn't know why she swallowed the fly. He thought perhaps she'd die. When I turned to go, but he warned me it would be easy to turn back. I told the man that I could more than certainly handle myself, but the man was still skeptical and insisted that I would need special protection from the beasts that lived deeper in the forest. He gave me a string of packets of pink rubber charms that smelled faintly of strawberries and told me that I should "always be prepared" and that these would protect me from STI. STI? Sinister Terrifying Interlopers? Slightly Testy Insects? The man never did explain, but I thanked him for his help anyway.
Later on, I noticed I was being followed by ostriches and hippos in tutus. They kept insisting that I was the "Dance Commander" and that they "must obey the Dance Commander". I attempted to explain that, yes, I had once been the commander of the army and that, no, army did not stand for "African Rumba Movement in Yugoslavia". They seemed upset and began to dance wildly with crocodiles or perhaps they were alligators. Either way, it was a little harrowing trying not to be stomped by large jigging animals. The Soul Eater in my right hand began to ache, and I have a feeling it isn't much of a fan of ballet.
Which leads me to the next mystery of the day. What is ballet?
Poll Vote!
As a reminder! We said something about this in December, but it needs to be mentioned again: we have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to applications and plagiarism. Do not lift lines from other applications and rework them only slightly for your own application. We will weed/remove all applications that come out as being "borrowed."
Also, there's a dup at the end!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED.
Character: Maya Fey
Series: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / Justice For All
Age: 18
Canon: "Be shocked and amazed - each case is a terrifying roller coaster of emotion! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be on the edge of your seat with your heart pounding! Will he barely scrape his way to a not guilty again?! Find out, and come to Wright and Co. Law Offices!" That's the kind of catch phrase Maya Fey thought up for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, in the middle of a circus murder investigation. After all, what suspect wouldn't want Wright to defend a murder trial after seeing a bright, glittery promotional poster like that?! . . .Needless to say, she's a little out of touch with reality. But who can blame her, considering her surroundings? It's a logic game that thinks whipping the judge is okay. EVERYONE'S a little out of touch with reality.
Maya's colorful resume includes touching everything at murder scenes, confiscating critical evidence for Nick's case by hiding it in her clothes, channeling her dead sister for some mentor's advice when the going gets tough, never missing a single episode of her favorite children's shows with cheesy titles, and never letting Nick give up on his goal, no matter how hopeless. She has solid determination, a good eye, a great heart, and no impulse filter whatsoever, thus is gifted with a talent for wacky tangents. If you're a lawyer, lake monster, samurai, burger, or a random movie prop, Maya is your number one fan. She's been kidnapped by an assassin and held for ransom, threatened by the mafia, framed for murder twice, and shocked by a psycho with a tazer, but this is all in a day's work as Maya Fey, spirit medium and Phoenix Wright's assistant!
Sample Post:
Wooooow, another murder at a movie studio? That does it - the evidence shows professional stars are way more likely to crack than postal workers! From here on out, going postal will be referred to as going actor! But don't worry, everyone. The Company of Wright and Company is on the case! I'm a seasoned professional when it comes to murders in the entertainment business by now. It's our policy to bark up every tree in the forest until we find the Wright one!
Speaking of which, Hi, Nick! You're probably all bitter and stressed out by now, but lucky for you your helpful assistant has arrived to help you catch the crooks and cheer you up! Like they say, all you have to do is walk into the light! ... Or is that find the light at the end of the tunnel? Hey Nick, what if it's a train? I guess you shouldn't go into mysterious dark tunnels anyway, no matter how alluring! I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?
I wonder what kind of production they're working on? I bet it's an epic battle to conquer Camp Fuck You Die! Won't that make a great pilot episode? The Zinc Zombies Battle the Perverse Purple Primate Pack! It could be the next big thing with grade school kids! Fight on, brave shambling warriors! Carry on in a time of adversity, just like the underpaid men and women who play you! You have to admit, the extras here are really inspiring. The director's fiancee is murdered, and they're still working so hard on the production, kept sharp by never knowing when a peer is going to go actor!
Maybe I should try to get to know them better? I could practice my acting with them! Graaaaaaagh! I may have eaten that pizza before coming here, but I have a second stomach for your braaaaaaaaaains! . . .Though maybe we should try to spice that up? Everyone's heard braaains before. Zinc Zombie Maya would want your buuuurrrgeerrrrs.
. . .
Oh, I know! I think the first stop for the investigation should be the mess hall! Those clues in the refrigerator aren't going to find themselves. I'd better do a really thorough search!
Poll Vote!
Character: Shirley Fennes
Series: Tales of Legendia
Age: 15
Canon: (contains spoilers for the main quest) Tales of Legendia is an RPG story of undying trust and friendship, of hope and humanity--of, ultimately, retards with magical powers. One of these, Shirley Fennes, slowly overcomes a sheltered, lonely existence to become a strong-willed and good-hearted leader. She is the Merines, the chosen one of the People of the Water. After the main quest, Shirley finds herself acting as a diplomat between them and the People of the Land, although she spends most of her time living with the land race and helping her adoptive brother/not-boyfriend, Senel Coolidge, exterminate the monsters that plague the countryside. (A proper Merines needs to level up!)
She is, for the most part, dignified, understanding, forgiving, and kind. She has a commanding presence when she needs it, although she is still shy and socially awkward at times. Around her friends she is also dorky, insecure, girlish, and plenty capable of teasing. All the girl really wants is world peace and understanding--but that doesn't mean she's not capable of putting up a fight, using special pens to cast powerful magic in battle.
Shirley is being taken from the end of the game. Note: The Oresoren are a race of anthropomorphic, scallop-loving otters.
Sample Post:
First, I want to thank you all so much for your hospitality and patience. My responsibilities are still new to me, but I know that we can learn together. Actually, when I heard that this camp was called Seafood, I was expecting it to be an Oresoren village, but when I asked where I could find the otters, I got only questioning looks, and someone offered me a strange fuzzy costume to wear. It's very cute, but I'm sorry, I'm comfortable in my own armor. I just don't think I'm a "furry" kind of girl!
But I don't want to focus on our past mistakes. I want to think about solutions! You've spent a lot of time fighting over your differences, and it's hard to set hatred aside. You may ask yourself, "Can I really call someone Brother when they have gray skin? Two fingers? Three ears?" I don't think they're all his, but that itself is a difference between us... I'm not going to tell you it's easy. But where has the fighting gotten you? Don't we all, living or undead, share a home here? We may never really get along. But even if we're different, we are all walking...limping, lurching, slithering, crawling, and...dragging ourselves...into the future together. We need to face forward, with our heads held high!
...Um, but. That may have been a little too high. Just on top of your shoulders is high enough, as long as you keep your chin up. No, I didn't mean...I think I need to consider my wording more carefully in the future.
A-as you can see, even though we're still trying very hard to understand each other, the zombies are willing to make an effort for peace. Like any race of people, when you take the time to reach out to them, they'll take the time to reach out to you, too. Um, let go, please. They may seem backwards to us, especially when they put their heads on facing the wrong direction. But these people understand something: that it doesn't matter whether or not our hearts are beating, and it doesn't matter whether we live on land or in the water. The People of the Water, too, are extending the hand of peace, even in this very camp--
...That. That isn't a hand...
S-stay back, please, and don't make me fight you! The pen is mightier than the tentacle!
Poll Vote!
Character: Temari
Series: Naruto
Age: 18
Canon: Look, out in the sand! It's a rock! Wait -- is it a cactus? No! No, it's Temari, and this beginning is so overused and trite slkjkfs sorry.
Temari is the older sister of Gaara and the eldest of the "Sand Siblings," an orphaned ninja family from the Hidden Village of Sand (also known as Sunagakure). Growing up with a psychotic killer for a little brother made it fully necessary for Temari to develop the brains, inner strength, and s'awesome ninja abilities needed to survive in Gaara's disturbed and violent presence, blood-relation or no. Though her character development has never taken complete center stage in the manga (fillers do so not count), it is blindingly obvious that her past has pushed Temari to become a strong, ruthless-but-fair-minded woman... while still letting her be a girl that worries and frets over her dysfunctional family.
Her abilities include using a large iron fan to blow away trees, summoning adorable evil ferrets to blow away entire forests, and passing snarky little comments about the ability of the men in her life.
Sample Post:
Using the undead to kidnap the Kazekage.
If this didn't involve my brother, I think that I'd almost be able to appreciate the level of originality. It's beyond the usual 'underneath the underneath,' I'll give you bastards that much... but what is simply a new threat will not terrify Suna into abandoning its leader like you think it will. Our village isn't run by "Monsters, Inc." and I am jamming an iron fan into the first fool who implies again that it is.
Suna's other ambassadors have been ridiculously generous in their diplomacy -- your swamp village is still standing, as previously negotiated in our letters -- but I most definitely don't possess the same level of patience of those superstitious councillors. Like hell if I'm going to ignore the political capacity I have to demand that Gaara be released immediately into my escort, unharmed and without complications -- and no, without any strange curses on my brother, either. I'm not bringing back some tiny kitten to protect Suna with; that's ridiculous.
My request for my brother back won't be denied, and you are not going to throw another lame excuse at me again. Gaara is not too busy sanding down someone's carpentry, powdering his nose, playing the part of a creature in your black lagoon, or whatever other complete bullshit you've tried assuring our village with.
If you've hidden him, fine. I'm not against leveling this eyesore to the ground to find out where he's hidden. Even if some of your underlings managed to vandalize my fans with -- whatever, a few Icha Icha rejects aren't going to stop someone like me. I will leave no stone unturned when it comes to Gaara, because my little brother --
-- pretending that the Kazekage is a panda is not... is there something mentally wrong with you?
Poll Vote!
Character: Soubi Agatsuma
Series: Loveless
Age: 20
Canon: Loveless takes place in a world where select pairs, born with matching words on their bodies, fight battles with spells--in these battles, each team has a "Fighter" and a "Sacrifice. Soubi, the former Fighter unit for "Beloved" Seimei, broke taboo when Seimei died, by becoming "Loveless" Ritsuka's Fighter. Developing shotacon love for his new master, the masochistic Soubi may yet be able to learn proper social skills and how to be human.
A talented albeit mysterious artist, Soubi is mellow, thoughtful, easy-going, and easily mistaken as a pedophilic perv. His borderline obsessive infatuation with 12-year-old Ritsuka doesn't help any counter arguments. Tall, with long hair, introspective eyes, and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, its no surprise he's as good looking as he is powerful. With more indifference than disdain for most people, he is intellectual and elegant and really not as bad as many people think. But then again, Soubi really doesn't care what other people think, just Ritsuka.
Sample Post:
Aaaa...The ingenuity of brochure descriptions astound me at times as I thought work like this only appears during election campaigns. The writer is certainly talented in creative albeit skewed truths. Mere words of an art student are not powerful enough to describe the "virgin artistic inspiration" my college sent me to put onto paper. Nor its unique fragrance that, how do I say it, tickles the senses? To state things in a more simple manner, I don't think I can paint that shade of green. Rather, I'm not sure that shade of green exists in the natural world. Nor should it.
Since the aesthetics of this camp seem to remain relatively the same through all the three and a half hours since I've left the drop-off point, this seems as decent spot to start with my rough sketches as any. That rock over there should make a good resting spot for my canvas until I set up my easel. Hmm...I need a better footing here...Just a little closer.
Wait....did it just move?
I see. Apparently giant rocks opening up to swallow art canvases were another thing the writer forgot to mention. Solid evidence that stone work was never my forte.
One canvas, a long walk and thirty minutes later, I finally run into the meeting spot for the woman who will be my model for this project. Although I usually prefer scenery and landscapes, this camp was supposed to broaden my artistic horizons in human portraits and human interaction. Ah, that must be Miss Kanyu Pasmaiarmm now. She appears...unique to say the least. Not exactly the modern city type, although I must say she fits the scenic background quite appropriately. Perhaps a piece done all in shades of sepia and spruce? Sadly her skin appears to be in that singular shade of green I am unable to reproduce. Improvisation seems to be a key element in this art assignment so far.
Ah, Miss, I am Soubi Agatsuma, the artist assigned to this session. I'm sure you've received the information already so we can get started right away. If you'll please move over there? A little more to the side of that molding tree and decaying toucan.
No, Miss, there's no need for you to remove your clothes. I was told this would be just a-
... Ah. Nude modeling it is then.
Poll Vote!
Character: Chris Lightfellow
Series: Suikoden III
Age: 21
Canon: Chris is the legendary "Silver Maiden" of the Zexen
knights, given the title of 'Captain' after the untimely deaths of the
former Captain and Vice Captain in the wars against the Grasslands. Cool,
level-headed and strong, she seems the ideal hero, and is adored by the
Zexen Citizens as the "White Hero", a title she considers to be a burden.
Chris herself is a serious yet kind and compassionate person, with a strong
sense of justice and a deep hatred of what she thinks is unnecessary death.
She joins the Flame Champion with her knights after gaining the True Water
rune to fight in the war against Harmonia.
And yes, some of the monsters encountered in the game are trees
Sample Post:
Well, I have to say that this forest is quite different from that of Zexen
or the Kuput forest. I suppose it has its own sort of charm, although I had
rather hoped to escape attacking trees this far from home. The purple
primates and diverse assortment of fire-breathing mammals, however, are
quite... unique to this place.
Before we begin, I would like to express my apologies for the injury of your
guard upon my arrival. I assure you that it was purely in self-defence,
please give him immediate assistance. I fear that having one's arm cut off
is not "only a flesh wound" as the soldier states, and the… ah… poor hygiene
he seems to keep puts him at risk of infection.
Now, if there no objections, I would like to move onto the purpose of this
meeting. I am Captain Chris Lightfellow of the Zexen knights, and I have
come as a negotiator of peace to discuss the release of the prisoners of
Camp Fuck You Die upon the unanimous decision of the council and knights. I
believe that your confinement of these so called "murder suspects" is both
unjust and unlawful, and as such we will now issue the following demands:
'1) The allowance of Zexen investigators… No, not Sexin',
Zexen in the camp.
2) The immediate release of all prisoners held without valid reason, as
judged by said investigators, and the placement of the Director into our
custody.
3) The capture of the Lake monster, Marcy, for the training of its
"badtouch" ability for defence and… other purposes.
4) The entrustment of the rumoured "pimp cane" for the use at the leisure of
Zexen officials.
Failure to comply with these demands will result in the suspension of your
community and the exclusion of the Director from the Council's sexi-
Zexen party nights.'
My apologies, I assure you that the original document was quite different. I
hope this incident will not create a negative impression.
…No, we are not a licentious nation.
Poll Vote!
Character: Franziska von Karma
Series: Phoenix Wright
Age: 18
Canon: It's the year 2018, and due to the high crime rate, all criminal trials are concluded in three days, most with guilty verdicts. The world of Phoenix Wright is a high-intensity battle of wits between defense attorneys, witnesses lying at 20% of their true power, and hetero side characters. Enter Franziska von Karma, a German-raised prosecuting prodigy with a big cravat to fill. Daughter of the esteemed (albeit deranged) Manfred von Karma, Franziska is utterly obsessed with perfection. She loves to point out the foolishly foolish foolishness in others, usually by spouting off the word "fool' as many times as she can fit into a sentence. Franziska became a prosecutor at the age of 13, and has been whipping her way through legal cases since... literally. Her first trial against Phoenix Wright was the first case she had lost in her five-year career.
Note: The game highlights key words and phrases in orange.
Sample Post:
Ms. Elizabeth Sayre, you are more foolishly foolish than fool's gold mined in fool's paradise by foolishly foolish fools! Do you honestly think that you can get away with bringing me to this rank, dirty place and accusing me of murder? I am a von Karma. I wouldn't waste my time executing some no-name no one in the middle of nowhere! I'll be serving you not only with a subpoena, but a dry cleaning bill. Blood is one thing, but if my whip has so much as even one little stain from this ugly swamp or its undead inhabitants, I will see to it that you are sentenced the maximum penalty!
Enjoy what little time you have left, because I am already building a flawless case. Wrongful imprisonment, child endangerment, non-consentual beastiality, health code violations, fatal vore, tax evasion... just wait until I find out where you've been getting those hearts you've been hiding in all the candelabras!
Ah, but that is just the opening act. As an encore, I will prove not only that your name is not actually Ms. Elizabeth Sayre... but that there never was an Elizabeth Sayre to begin with! Gather round, campers, as I prove that this ridiculous "Director" you fear so foolishly is but a mere puppet of Mr. Stephen Debussey, who faked his own death in order to cover up the terrible truth of his fiancée's real identity...
His 'fiancée'? A horse.
My decisive witness is ambling to the stand as we speak. Witness! What is your name and occupation? ...As you can clearly hear, his name is Brian, and he is a brain surgeon. Do not give me those imbecilic stares! Of course I speak zombie! What are they teaching schoolchildren these da-
Excuse me? I know you didn't just interrupt me, because you can't have already forgotten what pain is! ...What do you mean, I can't prosecute here without a degree in internet lawyering? I'll pass your idiotic /b/ar test with my eyes closed! You... you fool-loving, foolishly fool-hardy... fooly McFool fools!
Poll Vote!
applicant #1
Character: Tir McDohl
Series: Suikoden I & II
Age: appears to be in his late teens
Canon: The Scarlet Moon Empire is a thriving land, full of people who are more than happy with their government, and-- okay, no, not really. That's a horrible lie. In reality, the Empire is decaying from the inside out, full of corrupt officials and and Emperor who's too in love with his Court Magician to do anything about it. Tir is the son of one of the Emperor's most trusted generals. However, due to a series of events largely beyond his control, he also becomes the leader of the rebel Liberation Army. Talk about awkward.
Tir is a fairly cheerful young man with a slightly strange sense of humor. Though he was raised in an affulent household in the capitol city of the empire, he's actually quite down-to-earth and kind--but he's been known to get rather snarky at times. His major source of angst comes from the fact that he's the bearer of one of the Rune of Life and Death, commonly nicknamed the Souleater due to its unfortunate tendency to kill and consume the souls of people close to its bearer. Despite this, Tir tries to look on the bright side as much as he can.
Sample Post:
There's such a thing as being too helpful you know. I understand where the temptation comes from, believe me, I do. I mean, it's included with the job description, right below the part about recruiting the furniture. But my point is, after a while, you're just going too far. It's like trying to send stew through the mail--you're only going to be hurting yourself. And the person opening the package.
All this is to say that while I appreciate the sign, it's not really necessary. And, y'know, a little rude, actually. I mean. "Surgeon General's Warning: Prolonged exposure may result in the death of you and/or your loved ones. Void where prohibited (illegal in Australia)." Come on.
Also, I'm just going fishing. I don't need a zombie guard-- a zombie harem? Is that what you are? Okay, that explains the strategically-placed veils. But I really think you're misunderstanding. I'm not in the market for any, uh, "hos of destiny" at the moment. No matter how qualified your resume is. For one thing, how do dung beetles make you an expert on sex? I don't--
--actually, I just don't want to know. Just could you please point me in the direction of the lake? I was told there was a charming young lady by the name of Marcy could show me around.She should be expecting me, I think. My name's--
ENTER NAME: S C H T O L T E H E I M R E I N B A C H I I I_
Applicant #2
Character: Tir McDohl
Series: Suikoden
Age: 21 (physically 15 due to his rune)
Canon: McDohl hails from the realm of Suikoden, a world ruled by 27 True Runes of incredible power and plagued by wars at the heart of which are often said runes. He is the protagonist of the first Suikoden over the course of which he leads the Toran Liberation Army to victory and forms the Toran Republic. Most notably of all, he is the bearer of the Rune of Life and Death, better known as the Soul Eater due its unpleasant habit of taking the lives of the loved ones of its bearer. Needless to say, the Soul Eater (and its side effect of making people never age) are the source of McDohl's One True Angst. However, he is not a hero and leader for nothing.
He has a great strength of spirit and contagious charisma. He is of a noble and sheltered background making him both well-educated and well-mannered. His naivety of people and the real world has long since been tempered by his wartime experiences, but some of it still lingers. While gentle and people-loving, he keeps everyone around him at arm's length and maintains a certain detachment due to the Soul Eater.
Note: McDohl is taken from after Suikoden II.
Sample Post:
I'm beginning to wonder if these woods are ever going to end. I've been traveling for days now, and I'm beginning to become weary of traveling, not to mention the mud in my shoes and shirt and pants and-- Well, maybe I should be considering a change of last name to "Mudohl". However, that's been the least of my concerns. I've being seeing and hearing... strange things. Am I beginning to crack up?
I met one man who stopped me to tell a tale about an old woman that he knew who had swallowed a fly. I asked him way, but he only told me that he didn't know why she swallowed the fly. He thought perhaps she'd die. When I turned to go, but he warned me it would be easy to turn back. I told the man that I could more than certainly handle myself, but the man was still skeptical and insisted that I would need special protection from the beasts that lived deeper in the forest. He gave me a string of packets of pink rubber charms that smelled faintly of strawberries and told me that I should "always be prepared" and that these would protect me from STI. STI? Sinister Terrifying Interlopers? Slightly Testy Insects? The man never did explain, but I thanked him for his help anyway.
Later on, I noticed I was being followed by ostriches and hippos in tutus. They kept insisting that I was the "Dance Commander" and that they "must obey the Dance Commander". I attempted to explain that, yes, I had once been the commander of the army and that, no, army did not stand for "African Rumba Movement in Yugoslavia". They seemed upset and began to dance wildly with crocodiles or perhaps they were alligators. Either way, it was a little harrowing trying not to be stomped by large jigging animals. The Soul Eater in my right hand began to ache, and I have a feeling it isn't much of a fan of ballet.
Which leads me to the next mystery of the day. What is ballet?
Poll Vote!