(no subject)
HAY GUYS. Early adopters round! ARE YOU EXCITED? I'M EXCITED. Check out these wicked cool apps.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. hoshit fast votins closed
Character: Raimon Tarou, a.k.a. Monta
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 15
Canon: Eyeshield 21 is a manga where the ladies are fine, the men are manly, football is the most serious of businesses, and there are plenty of ambiguous rivalries and teammate bonding moments to go around. And right in the thick of it is Monta, who has long dreamed of being a baseball star. Unfortunately (or rather, most fortunately for the Deimon school team), Monta really sucks at baseball. He is eventually convinced to give football a try for fame and the hopes to woo the fair manager with his receiving skills and super cool (i.e. completely dorky) victory pose.
Monta is very excitable and determined, prone to seeing the world in terms of "cool" or "uncool", and with a habit of adding MAX to any declaration to show that he always gives 110% to what he does. He always wants to do the right thing, but his intentions are sometimes lost when he mixes up important words. Monta's apelike appearance and behavior (he carries things with his feet and was a member of the Banana-Lovers Club) are a running joke in the series.
Note: Monta is being taken from the end of the Death March in volume ten.
Sample Post:
Oh wow, who'da thunk the string that banana was tied to was long enough to lead me all the way to America? Americans are much bigger and hairier and purplier than I remember. And I guess my English has really improved because I could understand every word they said!
I was FLATTERED MAX when they asked me to demonstrate my awesome receiving skills, especially when they wanted to film my amazing talents! Ah, but maybe I need to study languages more because there was some confusion about ... what I was supposed to receive. Is that sort of thing really legal? Anyway, they were pretty nice about it after I explained what football is really like, and even wanted me to stay and teach them! They even said they had plenty of balls to practice with, but that wasn't what I meant either.
I had to tell 'em no, 'cause that would be too lame. Not that I'm calling their hobbies lame or nothin', just that I'm not the kind of guy to turn his back on something he's already committed to. That's just too uncool for a real man to do! Davy Crockett didn't hide under his bed at the Alamo, Napoleon didn't wuss out at Waterloo, and I'm not gonna give up my dreams of being top football receiver in Japan just to play catch at a camp!
... but then. Well, they told me this real sad story 'bout nobody being able to leave and all the dangerous stuff people face every day, and - and did you know there are women and children here? No way I can ignore that! Pretty ladies in trouble is even more uncool than uncool! It's -- what's the most opposite of cool? Hot? It's TOTALLY HOT and I won't stand for it! I hope the rest of the team understands if I'm kind of late for tomorrow morning's practice, because I've got to help these folks out real quick. Shouldn't take too long, right?
HERO EFFORT MAX!
Poll Vote!
Character: Keiko Yukimura
Series: Yuu Yuu Hakusho
Character Age: 17
Canon: Yuu Yuu Hakusho is the story of Captain Badass Spirit Detective Yuusuke Urameshi (and friends), being shounen retards and fightin' round the world. Keiko is Yuusuke's girlfriend (despite neither of them really acknowledging it until the very end of the series), and the two of them have the type of Very Special Relationship seen only in shounen anime, in which the most badass man on the planet is utterly topped by a tiny girl with no powers, because she is just that hardcore.
Keiko is friendly and polite, the class president and a straight-A student -- basically Yuusuke's polar opposite. But she's no damsel in distress -- when the going gets tough, she's very willing to beat her demonically possessed homeroom teacher with a broom handle (and apologize for it, of course). It's hard to unsettle her. After all, she's seen souls hatch into penguins; she's sat in the stands of a tournament surrounded by demons and watched man-hungry flowers tear people apart; she's seen her boyfriend with fangs and claws and David Bowie-esque hair... and yet she still manages to turn in her homework on time.
[Note: Keiko is being apped post-series. Permission was kindly granted to verbally abuse mention Yuusuke in the app. ♥]
Sample Post:
YUUSUKE! I know you're around here somewhere! Don't think hiding is going to help you. You realize you'll never amount to anything if you keep blowing off your job for zombie camp, don't you? This is the third time. And don't even think about trying that "I'm saving the world" excuse again. That only works so many times before it starts sounding like your equivalent of "I'm going out with the guys."
Most boys wouldn't put a girl through this, you know. I actually had to punch an endangered species on my way in here, which is more distressing than any lake monsters or zombies could ever be. The poor thing was obviously lost and far from its natural habitat... Of course, that didn't excuse its rudeness. But all it took was a little bit of tough love, and he offered to carry my bookbag and escort me here. It's amazing how far a little bit of manners will get you. Thank you, Mr. Gorilla! Come back anytime.
Speaking of manners, where are mine? Hello everyone, I'm Keiko. It's a pleasure to meet you all, I'm sure. It's nice to see that you're taking this place so well (it is pretty laid back, for an infestation of the undead), but I couldn't help noticing the distressing lack of attention to academic pursuits. You all have a future to consider once you get out of here! We may be away from school, but that's no excuse to slack off on our studies, right? All it takes is a little bit of hard work and dedication. If you can take on a zombie, you can take on an exam!
With that in mind, I'd be happy to help tutor anyone who's interested. For the less studious among you -- and believe me, I know your type -- I have incentives. For every question you answer correctly, you get a gold star. When you have ten gold stars, I'll let you go blow something up. This way, everyone wins!
Poll Vote!
Character: Anya Emerson (character wiki)
Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Wiki)
Character Age: 1140 (looks about 18, acts even younger)
Canon: In a cast full of sarcastic emo kids, Anya appears as a ray of sunlight and inappropriate talk of penises. Originally a bunny keeper from 9th century Sweden, Anya first became a vengeance demon and then, stripped of her powers, a regular human girl. Not really in possession of tact or foresight, Anya is bumbling her way through becoming a real girl. Her heart is in the right place, medically speaking, but she doesn't really yet understand human emotions, or how people work in a non-cheating-and-lying sense. At the end of season three, she flees the scene on the eve of Sunnydale apocalypse #459, and is being apped from before her reappearance in season four, when she does, indeed, have black condoms, and an obsession with Xander after going to prom with him.
Sample Post:
Well, this is just unacceptable.
Now you can't say I'm not used to suffering. You mort--campers can't imagine the kinds of things I've been through. Why when I went to summer camp, it wasn't summer camp! It was raisng bunnies in the middle of nowhere. Would you want to spend months and months on the fjords with bunnies?
Wait, did we have fjords? I think that was Norway.
Anyway. I've suffered. Don't any of you try to tell me I haven't suffered. Fjords! Maybe. With bunnies! I know there were bunnies. And Vikings. So it's not like I haven't been through worse than this. Because those? Were the good old days. Of my...recent childhood. Which was only eighteen years ago. Everyone thinks the Vikings have died out, but really they're just much quieter now. The pillaging is very low key this day. More like door-to-door salesmen. It's not like you've been to Sweden. Now where was I?
Oh, yes. I still don't deserve to be here, in a swamp, with a bunch of children and zombies and...well, I'm not even sure what that is, but I'm sure I shouldn't be with it. I'm only willing to deal with so many tentacles. I think five is reasonable. After that, it's just not my responsibility. That's why Sunnydale has a Slayer. And that's where I'm supposed to be, learning about having a heart and making it grow three sizes every day. Or something like that--I read a book about it, but I don't think it was very helpful. My skin is much better. So are my breasts.
But that's not the point. I'm here for Xander Harrison. Harry. Harr--Xander! Just tell me where he is, so I can have lots of sex with him. I brought condoms. They're black. I don't know why people like black condoms, because black is slimming, and I don't see why anyone would want to slim his penis. But people like them, and I'm sure Xander's penis is big enough that the black won't hurt.
--wait, what did you say? You can't have sex here? Well I'm pretty sure that's impossible. Let me tell you, I've been to a lot of places that tried to ban sex, and people always find a way. I remember one time, in Denmark...
You turn into small, fuzzy animals? Well.
I was wondering where all the squirrels came from.
Poll Vote!
Character: Diva
Series: Blood+ (spoilery wiki link, Production I.G. site)
Character age: ~173, looks ~16, acts younger
Canon: Blood+ is full of vampires. Except they're not called vampires; they're known as Chiroptera (which is simply the Latin name for 'bat'). They possess superhuman strength and speed, and can only be killed by Saya, whose blood acts as a crystallizing poison. Further plot intricacies are discovered as the show goes on, but as this app is about Diva and not Saya, we'll ignore those for now.
Diva is Saya's twin sister and fellow Chiropteran queen, and the main antagonist of the series. She's gluttonous for blood and incapable of compromising: to be blunt, Diva is a psychotic bitch. Part of this stems from childhood neglect; while Saya lived a comfortable life as a human, Diva was locked up and experimented on for decades. She has a childish temper, and is prone to changing her whim without warning - but when she wants something, she will stop at nothing to acquire it. Aiding her is a posse of five bitches Chevaliers who, as their title suggests, devote their very existence to protecting her and catering to her every need and desire. Given their impressive global influence, and Diva's own superhuman abilities, is it any wonder the girl acts like a spoiled princess?
[Side note: Diva is taken from between Eps. 32 and 33. Amshel is the name of her most senior Chevalier.]
Sample post:
Found you~
A-hahahaha! Ah, it's so easy to find you when you stink of rotting flesh. Just look at you, brains falling out, flesh coming off your bones... You're like a broken doll; look, all I have to do is this and - oh? So cheaply made, you can't even stand up to a little tug on your arm. And now it's on my dress, ah, I guess I'll just ask Amshel for a new one when I get back.
Silly bloodless corpses aren't any fun. But over there - look, look over there! Haha, your eyes are like little beanbags when I throw them~ It's a huge buffet of humans stuck out here in the middle of a swamp, so far from ev~ery one else. I can hear all their hearts beating; mm, all that blood pumping through their bodies. Not like you pathetic imitations. You're like that Hufu thing; I mean, you're sort of cute, but you're nothing compared to someone alive.
-- I can play hackey sack with your head!
I've never hunted in a swamp before, you know~ But watching them try to run in this muck will be so entertaining. Do you think I should--? I should. They'd be better at hide and seek than you are, although their heartbeats will still be too loud for any real fun. And sister Saya hasn't found me yet, so there's no~ one~ who can stop me. Shotguns? Pfft-ahaha. They can't be serious! --- oh, what was that?
Is there a barrier keeping me in? Ridiculous, your head just bounced off something else but - ara, there is! I don't like this. Amshel? Amshel! I want whoever trapped me here, and I want their blood now.
... No, forget that. I'll kill that person later, once I've finished eating. Because if it keeps me in, then none of the entrees can escape.
I'm hungry~ ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Hannibal Lecter
Series: Hannibal Rising
Character Age: 18
Canon: Hannibal Lecter is a charming and cultured young man. His likes include art, literature, flower arrangement, and exchanging haikus with his milfy foster mother. His dislikes are rudeness, bullies, and police inspectors. He's a polite and hard-working medical student. In his spare time, he eats people's faces.
Born to a Lithuanian count, Hannibal had a peaceful and privileged childhood until driven from his castle by the events of World War II. His immediate family was wiped out, most significantly his younger sister Mischa, who was killed and eaten by Nazi deserters. Because of this, Hannibal spent the next five years plagued by nightmares, muteness, and amnesia. Hannibal Rising is the emo backstory tale of his revenge on everyone involved, and his descent into serial murder and cannibalism.
Sample Post:
Dear Madam Director,
I am writing this letter to formally thank you for inviting me into your quaint facility. I do hope you will accept me here. The brochure informed me that, in order for my application to be well-received, I would need a hook, but it failed to specify a length, girth, or degree of sharpness. In the end, I used my own judgment. I don't think you'll be disappointed. Oh, and there is a glaring error which I hope you can fix in future publications; I should not have to tell you that the name is Camp Fuck You Die, not Camp Ate Your Sister.
On that note, I will confess some initial apprehensions. The gorillas would be more courteous if they came gelded, and it strikes me as cheap when you tacitly pass that duty onto the campers. I also find the shambling undead to be quite tasteless, but the worst travesty is the library. Books do not edify one's mind simply by the virtue of being books, as anyone who's read I Have Four Daddies, Atlanta Nights, or Lestat can tell you. It doesn't help that the Necronomicon is perpetually checked out.
Still, intellectual opportunities are plentiful and I am grateful for them. The internet is a particularly fascinating tool, with a seemingly endless wealth of information and art at my fingertips. I discover something new every day. I suppose that sooner or later, I shall have to learn how to navigate it outside of GUROchan. The moogles intrigue me as well. I find myself wondering... if a monster were to eat one of your campers - or you, perhaps - would he find himself hungry again in a half hour? The question begs answering.
But please, excuse me. I do not mean to dwell on these notes of constructive criticism. The brochure did warn me to avoid a simple list of the things I saw (again, it failed to specify anything so insignificant as the type of saw or kerf of the blade), and I wouldn't want to bore you. Allow me to conclude this letter by saying that I hope it reaches you in the best of health, and that you will have the courtesy to continue our correspondence.
Sincerely yours,
Hannibal Lecter
PS. I hope you don't mind, but I've taken the liberty of contacting the hospital and cafeteria. I'd like to volunteer.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sohma Akito
Series: Fruits Basket (manga)
Character Age: 19-20 (roughly)
Canon: Taken in by the Sohma family after her adventures in camping go horribly awry, Honda Tohru settles herself into the family's life and the curse that surrounds twelve of its members, causing them to change into an animal of the Zodiac when hugged by a member of the opposite sex. It's all fun and games until the not-so-stable clan head catches wind of the girl actually burrowing deeper and deeper into the family's affairs.
Arguably the antagonist of the series, Sohma Akito is the head of the Sohma clan. His public face is that of a well polished young man that cares Very Much for his family. Like all good sociopaths, Akito is blatantly lying through his teeth in public, and his (not so) private face couldn't be any further from this. His treatment of his family is questionable at best; he spends much of his time being possessive over certain members, while playing mind games with others. The cat of the Jyuunishi, Kyou, takes a good deal of punishment from Akito. Physical and psychological torture is nothing to Akito -- he'll do whatever it takes to keep the rest of the Jyuunishi wrapped around his little finger, even if it means going to extremes.
Note: [spoiler for chapter 97] Akito is being taken from the manga; seeing as such, the Sohma Akito being apped is a trap female. However, to stay consistent with canon and avoid spoilers for others, she will be referred to as 'he' in the application. He is being apped from mid-series so that he can line up with the rest of the cast and also not stab people in the face. References have been cleared with the current Fruits Basket players.
Sample Post:
My family is too kind, really.
You might know of them? They go by the last name of "Sohma" and have an annoying habit of attracting a crowd no matter where they go. I was hoping they'd be able to find something more suitable for our banquet than a cesspit in Louisiana. There's something to be said about the South that brings one's family together, although I cannot recall the exact phrase you Americans use in times like this. In any case, I would love to speak with those who have gotten acquainted with them later on. It has been quite some time since they left me all alone back home, you see. I have much to catch up on with them.
Mm, but enough about me. Tell me, when did America become so exotic? Your newsletter detailed the various botany, but it failed to mention these curious, jarred innovations I found around your woodlands. Are "Bonsai Kittens" customary for all of America, or is this unique to your swamplands? If it is the latter -- your newsletter interests me and I would like to subscribe to it. Whatever the case, I need at least twelve set aside; they would make a nice touch to the family compound.
The one thing that this newsletter failed to touch on, however, was the construction of that magnificent barrier around the encampment. No one can leave, correct? ... Ergo, it's quite thoughtful of you, Madam Director, to put in such a barrier for the likes of my family and I. No need to say otherwise; I know what you were trying to do. It's very courteous of you to keep my delinquent family members from leaving me behind again! And thus, this cesspit becomes more and more habitable by the second, despite the decaying deadbeats lurking around. Why, it's even a reminder of home at times. Kyou, if only you could see this. Monsters, just like you. How charming.
Where are my manners, though? My name is Sohma Akito, head of the Sohma clan. They answer to me and only me, so I would advise you to remove any and all delusions pertaining to anything otherwise immediately.
I'd much rather keep it in the family, after all.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. hoshit fast votins closed
Character: Raimon Tarou, a.k.a. Monta
Series: Eyeshield 21
Age: 15
Canon: Eyeshield 21 is a manga where the ladies are fine, the men are manly, football is the most serious of businesses, and there are plenty of ambiguous rivalries and teammate bonding moments to go around. And right in the thick of it is Monta, who has long dreamed of being a baseball star. Unfortunately (or rather, most fortunately for the Deimon school team), Monta really sucks at baseball. He is eventually convinced to give football a try for fame and the hopes to woo the fair manager with his receiving skills and super cool (i.e. completely dorky) victory pose.
Monta is very excitable and determined, prone to seeing the world in terms of "cool" or "uncool", and with a habit of adding MAX to any declaration to show that he always gives 110% to what he does. He always wants to do the right thing, but his intentions are sometimes lost when he mixes up important words. Monta's apelike appearance and behavior (he carries things with his feet and was a member of the Banana-Lovers Club) are a running joke in the series.
Note: Monta is being taken from the end of the Death March in volume ten.
Sample Post:
Oh wow, who'da thunk the string that banana was tied to was long enough to lead me all the way to America? Americans are much bigger and hairier and purplier than I remember. And I guess my English has really improved because I could understand every word they said!
I was FLATTERED MAX when they asked me to demonstrate my awesome receiving skills, especially when they wanted to film my amazing talents! Ah, but maybe I need to study languages more because there was some confusion about ... what I was supposed to receive. Is that sort of thing really legal? Anyway, they were pretty nice about it after I explained what football is really like, and even wanted me to stay and teach them! They even said they had plenty of balls to practice with, but that wasn't what I meant either.
I had to tell 'em no, 'cause that would be too lame. Not that I'm calling their hobbies lame or nothin', just that I'm not the kind of guy to turn his back on something he's already committed to. That's just too uncool for a real man to do! Davy Crockett didn't hide under his bed at the Alamo, Napoleon didn't wuss out at Waterloo, and I'm not gonna give up my dreams of being top football receiver in Japan just to play catch at a camp!
... but then. Well, they told me this real sad story 'bout nobody being able to leave and all the dangerous stuff people face every day, and - and did you know there are women and children here? No way I can ignore that! Pretty ladies in trouble is even more uncool than uncool! It's -- what's the most opposite of cool? Hot? It's TOTALLY HOT and I won't stand for it! I hope the rest of the team understands if I'm kind of late for tomorrow morning's practice, because I've got to help these folks out real quick. Shouldn't take too long, right?
HERO EFFORT MAX!
Poll Vote!
Character: Keiko Yukimura
Series: Yuu Yuu Hakusho
Character Age: 17
Canon: Yuu Yuu Hakusho is the story of Captain Badass Spirit Detective Yuusuke Urameshi (and friends), being shounen retards and fightin' round the world. Keiko is Yuusuke's girlfriend (despite neither of them really acknowledging it until the very end of the series), and the two of them have the type of Very Special Relationship seen only in shounen anime, in which the most badass man on the planet is utterly topped by a tiny girl with no powers, because she is just that hardcore.
Keiko is friendly and polite, the class president and a straight-A student -- basically Yuusuke's polar opposite. But she's no damsel in distress -- when the going gets tough, she's very willing to beat her demonically possessed homeroom teacher with a broom handle (and apologize for it, of course). It's hard to unsettle her. After all, she's seen souls hatch into penguins; she's sat in the stands of a tournament surrounded by demons and watched man-hungry flowers tear people apart; she's seen her boyfriend with fangs and claws and David Bowie-esque hair... and yet she still manages to turn in her homework on time.
[Note: Keiko is being apped post-series. Permission was kindly granted to verbally abuse mention Yuusuke in the app. ♥]
Sample Post:
YUUSUKE! I know you're around here somewhere! Don't think hiding is going to help you. You realize you'll never amount to anything if you keep blowing off your job for zombie camp, don't you? This is the third time. And don't even think about trying that "I'm saving the world" excuse again. That only works so many times before it starts sounding like your equivalent of "I'm going out with the guys."
Most boys wouldn't put a girl through this, you know. I actually had to punch an endangered species on my way in here, which is more distressing than any lake monsters or zombies could ever be. The poor thing was obviously lost and far from its natural habitat... Of course, that didn't excuse its rudeness. But all it took was a little bit of tough love, and he offered to carry my bookbag and escort me here. It's amazing how far a little bit of manners will get you. Thank you, Mr. Gorilla! Come back anytime.
Speaking of manners, where are mine? Hello everyone, I'm Keiko. It's a pleasure to meet you all, I'm sure. It's nice to see that you're taking this place so well (it is pretty laid back, for an infestation of the undead), but I couldn't help noticing the distressing lack of attention to academic pursuits. You all have a future to consider once you get out of here! We may be away from school, but that's no excuse to slack off on our studies, right? All it takes is a little bit of hard work and dedication. If you can take on a zombie, you can take on an exam!
With that in mind, I'd be happy to help tutor anyone who's interested. For the less studious among you -- and believe me, I know your type -- I have incentives. For every question you answer correctly, you get a gold star. When you have ten gold stars, I'll let you go blow something up. This way, everyone wins!
Poll Vote!
Character: Anya Emerson (character wiki)
Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Wiki)
Character Age: 1140 (looks about 18, acts even younger)
Canon: In a cast full of sarcastic emo kids, Anya appears as a ray of sunlight and inappropriate talk of penises. Originally a bunny keeper from 9th century Sweden, Anya first became a vengeance demon and then, stripped of her powers, a regular human girl. Not really in possession of tact or foresight, Anya is bumbling her way through becoming a real girl. Her heart is in the right place, medically speaking, but she doesn't really yet understand human emotions, or how people work in a non-cheating-and-lying sense. At the end of season three, she flees the scene on the eve of Sunnydale apocalypse #459, and is being apped from before her reappearance in season four, when she does, indeed, have black condoms, and an obsession with Xander after going to prom with him.
Sample Post:
Well, this is just unacceptable.
Now you can't say I'm not used to suffering. You mort--campers can't imagine the kinds of things I've been through. Why when I went to summer camp, it wasn't summer camp! It was raisng bunnies in the middle of nowhere. Would you want to spend months and months on the fjords with bunnies?
Wait, did we have fjords? I think that was Norway.
Anyway. I've suffered. Don't any of you try to tell me I haven't suffered. Fjords! Maybe. With bunnies! I know there were bunnies. And Vikings. So it's not like I haven't been through worse than this. Because those? Were the good old days. Of my...recent childhood. Which was only eighteen years ago. Everyone thinks the Vikings have died out, but really they're just much quieter now. The pillaging is very low key this day. More like door-to-door salesmen. It's not like you've been to Sweden. Now where was I?
Oh, yes. I still don't deserve to be here, in a swamp, with a bunch of children and zombies and...well, I'm not even sure what that is, but I'm sure I shouldn't be with it. I'm only willing to deal with so many tentacles. I think five is reasonable. After that, it's just not my responsibility. That's why Sunnydale has a Slayer. And that's where I'm supposed to be, learning about having a heart and making it grow three sizes every day. Or something like that--I read a book about it, but I don't think it was very helpful. My skin is much better. So are my breasts.
But that's not the point. I'm here for Xander Harrison. Harry. Harr--Xander! Just tell me where he is, so I can have lots of sex with him. I brought condoms. They're black. I don't know why people like black condoms, because black is slimming, and I don't see why anyone would want to slim his penis. But people like them, and I'm sure Xander's penis is big enough that the black won't hurt.
--wait, what did you say? You can't have sex here? Well I'm pretty sure that's impossible. Let me tell you, I've been to a lot of places that tried to ban sex, and people always find a way. I remember one time, in Denmark...
You turn into small, fuzzy animals? Well.
I was wondering where all the squirrels came from.
Poll Vote!
Character: Diva
Series: Blood+ (spoilery wiki link, Production I.G. site)
Character age: ~173, looks ~16, acts younger
Canon: Blood+ is full of vampires. Except they're not called vampires; they're known as Chiroptera (which is simply the Latin name for 'bat'). They possess superhuman strength and speed, and can only be killed by Saya, whose blood acts as a crystallizing poison. Further plot intricacies are discovered as the show goes on, but as this app is about Diva and not Saya, we'll ignore those for now.
Diva is Saya's twin sister and fellow Chiropteran queen, and the main antagonist of the series. She's gluttonous for blood and incapable of compromising: to be blunt, Diva is a psychotic bitch. Part of this stems from childhood neglect; while Saya lived a comfortable life as a human, Diva was locked up and experimented on for decades. She has a childish temper, and is prone to changing her whim without warning - but when she wants something, she will stop at nothing to acquire it. Aiding her is a posse of five bitches Chevaliers who, as their title suggests, devote their very existence to protecting her and catering to her every need and desire. Given their impressive global influence, and Diva's own superhuman abilities, is it any wonder the girl acts like a spoiled princess?
[Side note: Diva is taken from between Eps. 32 and 33. Amshel is the name of her most senior Chevalier.]
Sample post:
Found you~
A-hahahaha! Ah, it's so easy to find you when you stink of rotting flesh. Just look at you, brains falling out, flesh coming off your bones... You're like a broken doll; look, all I have to do is this and - oh? So cheaply made, you can't even stand up to a little tug on your arm. And now it's on my dress, ah, I guess I'll just ask Amshel for a new one when I get back.
Silly bloodless corpses aren't any fun. But over there - look, look over there! Haha, your eyes are like little beanbags when I throw them~ It's a huge buffet of humans stuck out here in the middle of a swamp, so far from ev~ery one else. I can hear all their hearts beating; mm, all that blood pumping through their bodies. Not like you pathetic imitations. You're like that Hufu thing; I mean, you're sort of cute, but you're nothing compared to someone alive.
-- I can play hackey sack with your head!
I've never hunted in a swamp before, you know~ But watching them try to run in this muck will be so entertaining. Do you think I should--? I should. They'd be better at hide and seek than you are, although their heartbeats will still be too loud for any real fun. And sister Saya hasn't found me yet, so there's no~ one~ who can stop me. Shotguns? Pfft-ahaha. They can't be serious! --- oh, what was that?
Is there a barrier keeping me in? Ridiculous, your head just bounced off something else but - ara, there is! I don't like this. Amshel? Amshel! I want whoever trapped me here, and I want their blood now.
... No, forget that. I'll kill that person later, once I've finished eating. Because if it keeps me in, then none of the entrees can escape.
I'm hungry~ ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Hannibal Lecter
Series: Hannibal Rising
Character Age: 18
Canon: Hannibal Lecter is a charming and cultured young man. His likes include art, literature, flower arrangement, and exchanging haikus with his milfy foster mother. His dislikes are rudeness, bullies, and police inspectors. He's a polite and hard-working medical student. In his spare time, he eats people's faces.
Born to a Lithuanian count, Hannibal had a peaceful and privileged childhood until driven from his castle by the events of World War II. His immediate family was wiped out, most significantly his younger sister Mischa, who was killed and eaten by Nazi deserters. Because of this, Hannibal spent the next five years plagued by nightmares, muteness, and amnesia. Hannibal Rising is the emo backstory tale of his revenge on everyone involved, and his descent into serial murder and cannibalism.
Sample Post:
Dear Madam Director,
I am writing this letter to formally thank you for inviting me into your quaint facility. I do hope you will accept me here. The brochure informed me that, in order for my application to be well-received, I would need a hook, but it failed to specify a length, girth, or degree of sharpness. In the end, I used my own judgment. I don't think you'll be disappointed. Oh, and there is a glaring error which I hope you can fix in future publications; I should not have to tell you that the name is Camp Fuck You Die, not Camp Ate Your Sister.
On that note, I will confess some initial apprehensions. The gorillas would be more courteous if they came gelded, and it strikes me as cheap when you tacitly pass that duty onto the campers. I also find the shambling undead to be quite tasteless, but the worst travesty is the library. Books do not edify one's mind simply by the virtue of being books, as anyone who's read I Have Four Daddies, Atlanta Nights, or Lestat can tell you. It doesn't help that the Necronomicon is perpetually checked out.
Still, intellectual opportunities are plentiful and I am grateful for them. The internet is a particularly fascinating tool, with a seemingly endless wealth of information and art at my fingertips. I discover something new every day. I suppose that sooner or later, I shall have to learn how to navigate it outside of GUROchan. The moogles intrigue me as well. I find myself wondering... if a monster were to eat one of your campers - or you, perhaps - would he find himself hungry again in a half hour? The question begs answering.
But please, excuse me. I do not mean to dwell on these notes of constructive criticism. The brochure did warn me to avoid a simple list of the things I saw (again, it failed to specify anything so insignificant as the type of saw or kerf of the blade), and I wouldn't want to bore you. Allow me to conclude this letter by saying that I hope it reaches you in the best of health, and that you will have the courtesy to continue our correspondence.
Sincerely yours,
Hannibal Lecter
PS. I hope you don't mind, but I've taken the liberty of contacting the hospital and cafeteria. I'd like to volunteer.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sohma Akito
Series: Fruits Basket (manga)
Character Age: 19-20 (roughly)
Canon: Taken in by the Sohma family after her adventures in camping go horribly awry, Honda Tohru settles herself into the family's life and the curse that surrounds twelve of its members, causing them to change into an animal of the Zodiac when hugged by a member of the opposite sex. It's all fun and games until the not-so-stable clan head catches wind of the girl actually burrowing deeper and deeper into the family's affairs.
Arguably the antagonist of the series, Sohma Akito is the head of the Sohma clan. His public face is that of a well polished young man that cares Very Much for his family. Like all good sociopaths, Akito is blatantly lying through his teeth in public, and his (not so) private face couldn't be any further from this. His treatment of his family is questionable at best; he spends much of his time being possessive over certain members, while playing mind games with others. The cat of the Jyuunishi, Kyou, takes a good deal of punishment from Akito. Physical and psychological torture is nothing to Akito -- he'll do whatever it takes to keep the rest of the Jyuunishi wrapped around his little finger, even if it means going to extremes.
Note: [spoiler for chapter 97] Akito is being taken from the manga; seeing as such, the Sohma Akito being apped is a trap female. However, to stay consistent with canon and avoid spoilers for others, she will be referred to as 'he' in the application. He is being apped from mid-series so that he can line up with the rest of the cast and also not stab people in the face. References have been cleared with the current Fruits Basket players.
Sample Post:
My family is too kind, really.
You might know of them? They go by the last name of "Sohma" and have an annoying habit of attracting a crowd no matter where they go. I was hoping they'd be able to find something more suitable for our banquet than a cesspit in Louisiana. There's something to be said about the South that brings one's family together, although I cannot recall the exact phrase you Americans use in times like this. In any case, I would love to speak with those who have gotten acquainted with them later on. It has been quite some time since they left me all alone back home, you see. I have much to catch up on with them.
Mm, but enough about me. Tell me, when did America become so exotic? Your newsletter detailed the various botany, but it failed to mention these curious, jarred innovations I found around your woodlands. Are "Bonsai Kittens" customary for all of America, or is this unique to your swamplands? If it is the latter -- your newsletter interests me and I would like to subscribe to it. Whatever the case, I need at least twelve set aside; they would make a nice touch to the family compound.
The one thing that this newsletter failed to touch on, however, was the construction of that magnificent barrier around the encampment. No one can leave, correct? ... Ergo, it's quite thoughtful of you, Madam Director, to put in such a barrier for the likes of my family and I. No need to say otherwise; I know what you were trying to do. It's very courteous of you to keep my delinquent family members from leaving me behind again! And thus, this cesspit becomes more and more habitable by the second, despite the decaying deadbeats lurking around. Why, it's even a reminder of home at times. Kyou, if only you could see this. Monsters, just like you. How charming.
Where are my manners, though? My name is Sohma Akito, head of the Sohma clan. They answer to me and only me, so I would advise you to remove any and all delusions pertaining to anything otherwise immediately.
I'd much rather keep it in the family, after all.
Poll Vote!