(no subject)
fgjkdkgjd I will remember to actually note that this post is closed when I. you know. close it.
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Character: Tabitha Smith
Series: Nextwave
Age: 21
Canon: Nextwave is Warren Ellis. Satirical, clever and with all those Marvel heroes you thought were just obnoxious wastes of space on wikipedia. Nextwave is peppered with horrifying villains like Dirk Anger, naked ninjas, The Homosexuality, Broccoli-robot-men and flesh eating koala bears.
Tabitha Smith in particular is a mutant who has the ability to blow shit up. And take all your stuff. Additionally psychics hate her because she's immune to their mind altering drugs powers. She's so stupid there's not enough mind to read or alter. She actually uses words like 'zomg'. As for blowing shit up, she makes 'time bombs' which look like really nifty smoky-yellow-beams and often counts down with 'tick, tick, tick, boom' but it isn't necessary for detonation.
For Tabitha 'Like' is not just a filler, it's a way of life. XXXX is a multipurpose word for all situations. (XXXX is not just a censoring tool, it's a sledgehammer of justice and morality, preventing your children from picking up bad words, one speech bubble at a time. Censoring tools on gratuitous violence and cleavage sold separately.)
Notes: Elsa Bloodstone is a) English and b) a member of Nextwave with Tabitha usually referenced by ethnicity. Monica Rambeau is the mostly leader of Nextwave, because she used to run with the Avengers, who are the superhero team everyone aspires to be, you know.
Sample Post:
You're doing it wrong. "Camp XXXX You Die" is such false advertising. I see camp. I see die (and ew). What I don't see is any XXXX. What's a girl got to do to get some service around here? I hate to break it to you, but, like, I haven't seen this much gay since... well... The Homosexuality. And he was pretty damn gay.
'Go kill the undead villain-man, Tabby. Take the English XXXX with you. Did I mention I used to be part of the Avengers? He's in Louisiana. Blah blah blah Avengers blah blah I once ironed Captain America's pants blah blah.' Thanks Monica. Your plan broke, I haven't seen the English XXXX since before we crossed the state border, even I don't take that long to pee.
Speaking of peeing, which way to the ladies' room? Like, a girl can only hold a Super Size Plus Endorsement drink for so long. I'll just follow the signs. This one says 'Mess Hall' so I guess I don't have to, like, clean up after. Man, these signs are handy...SHIT! A sign in European! How will I read it!? Though, if I reckon rightly, this sign is in, like, Canadian. ...there are Canadians in Louisiana? The French have invaded the South! ZOMG! This just makes the South, like, a really sucky country. More of a really sucky country. Quick, while the French-Canadians are distracted, I claim this country in the name of America! Ha, take that, you European XXXXs.
Alright, listen up surrender-monkeys! Resistance is not-cool. Your fancy Jedi hand motions won't, like, work on me. Louisiana is, from now on, forever part of America and you cannot stop me. Your talking-in-the-head birds do nothing because I am clever. Your still-walking-dead-guys do nothing because I can blow them up. Tick, tick, tick, BOOM.
Poll Vote!
Character: Beth
Series: Petite Princess Yucie
Age: 17, but appears 10
Canon: Once in a thousand years, the competition to become the Platinum Princess arises, and five eternally pre-pubescent princess candidates from the five worlds compete for the title through such entirely relevant challenges as baking cookies, putting on recitals, farming, and especially strengthening their Pure Shoujo Hearts. Beth, princess of the Fairy Realm, is far from a typical pretty pretty princess--she's a tomboy, a magic user, and she has no time for distractions. Ever since her dad became a tree to save all the little fairies and woodland creatures, she's been a stubborn loner focused only on becoming the Platinum Princess and getting her wish granted. Eventually, however, through the power of friendship, teamwork, and blushy stammering, she starts to open up.
Sample Post:
You know, I respect that you have all this magical power and free time laying around here. But do you have to use it on such stupid pranks?! Mark my words, I'm going to get whoever's behind this. But until I find you, here's some information for you and for everyone else who's as annoyingly ignorant about fairies.
1. I am nobody's godmother. And I don't know what all this talk about pumpkins and carriages and glass slippers is about, but even if I had any of that, like hell I'd give it all to you. So stop pestering me about it! Just go to the ball on your own; it can't be that far! Some of us have to work to be princesses, you know.
2. I am not a "tooth fairy." So stop giving me your damn teeth! What am I supposed to do with them? And then having the nerve to ask for payment for them... These are all half-decayed anyway, how much can they possibly be worth? If they're so valuable, then why don't you keep them?
3. There is no need whatsoever for me to be wearing this sparkly pink dress and these fake flimsy wings. I already have a magic enhancer that works a lot better than this lump of glitter on a stick you seem to think is a magic wand. So stop sticking me back in this stuff whenever I try to change clothes! This is an insult to fairy-kind and magic users everywhere alike!
4. On that note, yes, I happen to be a magical fairy princess. It's not funny! It's a perfectly respectable profession, and it's worth a lot more than whatever it is you people do if what I've seen so far is any indication! And if any of you would like to try me, I can prove to you that my magic is better than just a puff of sparkles and vapid wish-granting.
This sort of discrimination really shouldn't be allowed. If this is how you're going to be, I'm not going to put up with any of this anymore! If you excuse me, I'm going to find a tree to set up camp in.
...
la;sjdf. I-I. I, um. I think I get why she called this place the "Badtouch Realm."
Poll Vote!
Character: Vision II
Series: Young Avengers
Age: 16, for all intents and purposes; a couple months since he became sentient.
Canon: The Vision is just a normal boy. A normal boy whose body is composed of high-tech armor from the 30 th century and a mind based on that of a boy who will grow up to be one of the most dangerous super villains of all time.
The Vision is a little withdrawn, more of an idea-man than a leader. A competent fighter, he also has a range of super powers at his disposal, including energy blasts, electronic interfacing and the ability to alter his own density.
The Vision and his teammates joined the resistance to the Super Hero Registration Act and are currently in hiding from the government. Recently, they took a trip to Los Angeles to try and recruit the Runaways, which is where we pick up…
Sample Post:
To err is human. To really ruin things, you need a computer. It seems that "Camp Fuck You Die" has seen fit to provide me with both.
Ahh. Yes, that is indeed an eyeball. I certainly hope it's yours, since you appear to be missing both of them. No, I'm sorry, my name does not refer to an ability to grant vision. No, I'm sorry, I can't help you. Perhaps you could locate some sort of seeing-eye…creature? Object? I would be more than happy to donate my computer -
SZZAKK!
Stop that! Your attempted alterations to my OS are not welcome. This sort of behavior is exactly why I am donating you to a blind zombie. Nor do I appreciate your rendition of "Daisy Bell". You, my friend, are no HAL 9000 and the year 2001 has passed.
…Ma'am, cease gnawing on my scalp. You've just crushed your remaining eyeball on my shoulder and I am sure that you have more dignity than to behave like the stereotypical B-movie zombie. You're going to break your teeth and I don't even have the grey matter you seek. You are going to damage yourself if you don't desist!
Don't look so disappointed, I assure you that altering my density so that you passed through me was more unpleasant for me than it was for you. Here, let me help you up. I require your assistance.
It stands to reason that where there are zombies, there must be people. And where there are people and zombies, there is trouble. Magic isn't one of my strong points, but if there's a super villain terrorizing people, I can't do anything but help. And hopefully there will be people who can help me locate my friends. I hope Cassie's all right.
Ma'am? I can steer you around the trees and over the roots if you could provide me with the directions to the other zombies.
Z-ZZAK-K!
Oh don't worry. We're not leaving you here where you can attack other people. I am going to embed you inside this tree firs--!
Note to self: everything is hostile here. Or disturbingly over-affectionate.
And sometimes both.
Poll Vote!
Character: Rose Tyler
Series: Doctor Who (Nine/Ten era)
Age: 19
Canon: The thing about Rose is that she used to work in a shop. Then she met the Doctor. Now, she travels around the universe in his TARDIS, which stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space, and looks like a 1950’s police box. Essentially, the TARDIS is a machine that disappears from one place and reappears somewhere else, on a different planet or in a different time. It’s fairly ancient, and doesn’t always land where it’s programmed to, although other functions work well enough. For example, it can translate alien languages inside people’s heads. Like a Babel fish, only big, blue and box-shaped. Also, it’s not a fish.
Rose is the most recent in a long line of the Doctor’s companions, although, being rather possessive of him, she tries not to think about precisely how long that line is. Before meeting him, she was a regular 21st Century girl from Cardiff. She lived with her mother, Jackie, and spent her spare time hanging about eating chips with her boyfriend, Mickey Smith. That all changed when a total stranger grabbed her hand, told her to run, then blew of up her place of employment. Since then, Rose has shown herself to be an incredibly resourceful companion, albeit one with tendency to horribly mispronounce the names of planets. She is courageous and compassionate, standing up for her ideals not only against enemies, but also against the Doctor.
Every so often an episode begins with Rose’s voice giving a brief introduction. These voiceovers tend to either recap what’s happening, or foreshadow what’s to come.
Sample Post:
My name is Rose Tyler, and this is the story of h-h-owdy parrrrrdner! Welcome to Sayre’s Steak and Spit! Please remember to spit after you steak! Try our orange couscous squid, made with real lake water! Leave your shoes at the door, and don’t forget to tip over the friendly porter! He likes it!
Okay. That? Was unnecessary. What’s up with the voiceover? I so do not sound like that. I was only looking for a phone, since mine seems to be out of range. Weird, that; it’s always connected before. Guess it needs more jiggery-pokery. I bet I’m gonna get in trouble for wandering off, never mind that he’d have done the same thing if he’d heard that shrieking. Probably wouldn’t have gotten lost, though. ‘Course, I wouldn’t be lost if we’d landed where we were supposed to. I know enough geography to know that this is not 21st Century London. Not unless it’s recently grown a swamp. Although to be fair, the Thames… well, I’ll say no more. Still, I doubt London in 2012 looks this bad, even if this swamp’s tiny compared to those on Rass… er. Raxacoricofallapatorius. You guys should really work on your décor. I’m just sayin’. Just ‘cause you’re outdoors doesn’t mean you have to let it all go.
Well, it doesn’t look like this place even has a phone. At least I’m not too good to ask for directions. Men. They’re all the same, no matter what planet they’re from. If I can just find that porter the voiceover mentioned, maybe he can help me out… wow, I don’t think we even hit the right planet this time, ‘cause this guy is seriously lacking in the skin department. Or maybe he’s just had a really bad facial.
‘Scuse me, have you seen a police box around here somewhere? You know, tall blue box, free for use of public? I could do without the laughter. This isn’t funny, and there’s no need to be rude. I’m Dame Rose, of… huh. Looks like he knows me. There’s no way I know him; his face would be hard to forget. There’s definitely something weird going on. Care to enlighten me, Mr Porter Man? You can laugh, so you can talk, and I promise I’ll understand. I’m really good with foreign languages.
He’s shaking his head, so guess that means he won’t be exercising those vocal chords any time soon. Charades it is. Small box… antenna… TV? Oh, pull the other one. I’ve never been on the telly. I’ve been in it before, but that was decades ago. Assuming this actually is the 21st Century, which I really shouldn’t. Seriously, I think you’re confusing me with someone else. Okay, necklacey, stethoscope thing… a TV show about the Doctor. What, seriously? This has got to be one of those parallel universe things. Think, Rose, think. The TARDIS was still working before, so if you just retrace your steps, you’ll be back in time for dinner. Just gotta get out the door… oh, not this again.
YOU forgot to tip over the porter! Take ten endurance points and go directly to Camp - do not pass go, and do not collect two hundred dollars!
Oh, that’s just… brilliant.
Poll Vote!
Character: Manjoume Jun
Series: Yu-Gi-Oh GX (information at www.janime.info)
Age: 16-17 (At the start of season one, he's fifteen, according to http://www.janime.info/Genex/characters.html So after season two, logically, he's 16 or 17.)
Canon: ICHI! JYUU! HYAKU! SEN! MANJOUME THUNDER! Duel Academia island often reverbrates with this chant, the catchphrase of the great Manjoume Jun. Manjoume Jun is practically a legend. With his incredible duelling skills, and his family's privleged position at the forefront of the political and financial worlds, Manjoume is used to being treated with respect. And if he is somewhat arrogant, at least he has the card skills to back this up. After all, in his world, your card skills are as important as your life.
Manjoume is a dueling prodigy and he knows it. His cards are the deadliest there are. Rich, intelligent, confident, powerful, possessing the rarest cards, finest technology, and utter ass-kicking skills. Indeed, Manjoume would command the respect of all, but for one minor detail: He's a total dork.
He's calm. He's collected. And the instant he sees the girl of his dreams, he abandons all forms of dignity, hand-crafts large signs with pink hearts proclaiming his love for her, and even goes so far as to accidentally doom the world to win her heart. Large pink jackets, shouting in horrible engrish? Full-steam ahead! And like all great duelists, he has this habit of self-narration as he works. Hand him a camcorder and watch him narrate his life like a movie while he goes around his daily business!
And if that weren't enough, three of his cards have spirits living in them. While most cards are just plain cardboard, his have three ten-inch-tall aliens in thongs following him around. The "Ojama Brothers" view him as their big brother. And he and his rival are the only ones that can see them.
Sample Post:
To recap: I was carrying my luggage to my dorm room after summer vacation ended. Nothing strange. Next, I found a strange card on the ground. It was labelled as a Field magic card. It was named "Camp Fuck You Die", in English, with the effect of "Lowering both player's sanity by 2000 points every turn". Mistake number one was putting it into my Duel Disk to see what this meant.
Next, I'm standing at a lakeside. Assuming it must be the hologram, I paid no attention to the tentacle things approaching me until they got close. I summoned a small monster to see what the field would do to it... My Hell Soldier was then shown a worse Hell than I could possible have imagined. As I don't ever panic, my running away was calm and calculated.
Okay, then. I've determined that this card should be burned immediately. Maybe put in a call to the designers so they know such a messed-up card is going around. Hopefully, there'd be reward money involved for it...
... Where did the card go? Why isn't it in my Disk anymore? And for that matter, why is this hologram so realistic? The Duel Disk shouldn't be able to produce this much detail in a hologram. Or all those zombies. There's a limit to how many things it can project at once. A swarm like that is well beyond Duel Disk capabilities. But it doesn't matter. It's still just a hologram. It's just a hologram. Just a-
Just a hologram that grabbed me. I'm not sticking around anymore. AAAAGH!
Poll Vote!
Character: Hazel
Series: Magical Pokemon Journey
Age: 13
Canon: Magical Pokemon Journey is the sparkly shoujo series of the Pokemon franchise, following the adventures of Hazel as she tries to win the love of Pokemon trainer Almond. To that end, she makes a deal with the mad scientist "Grandpa": She'll catch Pokemon for him in exchange for the Ultimate Love Potion (one that won't explode when she bakes it into a cake)! ...or at least, that's the plan. Instead, she only winds up befriending several Pokemon and having happy cracky shoujo-type adventures with them. And even though she lives in it, she knows very little about the world of Pokemon -- when the series began, she had no clue what a Pikachu was.
The most important thing, to Hazel, is her beloved Almond. He's constantly on her mind and pretty much the only things that can distract her from him are (A) cute things and (B) matchmaking for others. Almond~~ ♥
Hazel is bringing her Pikachu and Jigglypuff to camp, but leaving Clefairy behind because as a talking Pokemon he would have to be a camper in his own right.
Sample Post:
Is this the city of Seefud in the Louisiana region? Grandpa sent me here to catch some Pokemon for him so I could finally get my love potion. I've already seen some kinds I never saw before but then there's a lot of kinds I never saw before. And wooow, I've heard about zombie-type Pokemon but I always thought they were only in ghost stories! Grandpa'll love these! And the one in the lake must be evolved from... um... Tentacool, right? Don't be scared, Pikachu, it won't hurt you! I'm sure it just wants to be friends!
Oooh, I can't wait to catch all these Pokemon and hurry back home! Even if Grandpa stiffs me again, Almond can't help but notice that I, the amazing and adorable Hazel, caught so many rare and unique types. I bet he's never even heard of some of these! He's always bragging about what a great trainer he is, but I bet he's never heard of the Platypus. That's something I read about in the library here just now. They're really weird but they're kind of cute, too.
I've been asking people around here about the different kinds of Pokemon, and some of them looked at me like I was stupid -- I guess these kinds can't be that rare around here, so I tried to explain I was from Kanto and hadn't ever been here before... But some people told me there's these Psychic-type birds in the woods, and there's even a Pokemon called The Hospital.
That's weird. There's a hospital here, but why would they name a Pokemon after it?
...that hospital is the Pokemon? What? How? ...will it fit in a Poké Ball?
Poll Vote!
Character: Haninozuka Mitsukuni AKA "Honey"
Series: Ouran High School Host Club
Age: 17
Canon: Ouran's Host Club has an impressive repertoire of "types." You know, the cool type, the prince type, the twincest types... Then you've got Honey. With the face of an angel, and measuring in at 148 cm, he's got the perfect loli-shouta look. His favorite things include cakes, chocolates, and his pink, stuffed bunny-doll, Usa-chan. He hates mean people and being mean to others. He laughs easily, cries easily, and gives hugs and affectionate nicknames to perfect strangers easily. Loli-shouta, indeed.
But not everything about Honey is rainbows and sunshine. He's also the master of the world-renowned Haninozuka martial arts technique. However, he's forbidden to use 100% of his strength in public, because if he did, Japan would be accused of harboring a secret weapon of mass destruction. He's also known to get cranky if you wake him up during sleepy time, but really, he's a sweet boy.
Sample Post:
You know what? It was getting a little lonely back home. Everyone 'cept Takashi, Usa-chan and me left for summer camp. So, I wanted to come! Usa-chan, too!
AH, LOOK, LOOK! It's a real live bunny! Cuuuuute~♥ Wow, lotsa bunnies! There's a pink one, just like you, Usa-chan! Maybe she's your mommy. Hey, and maybe Daddy's the one climbing on top of her. Daddy keeps bouncing up and down on Mommy. I guess they're "having fun" like bunnies. Or, y'know, mommy-daddy things. Maybe you'll get some little brothers and sisters!
Uh oh, Daddy's drooling. Looks like he's hungry. Usa-chan, you're hungry, too? So am I! I mean, the last time we had cake was maybe an hour ago. It was soooo yummy, I love cake!
Oh, a grown-up! Hey, hey, Mister~ Do you know where the cafeteria is? Do you know what kinds of cake they have? I hope they have a strawberry kind. Or a choco-cake. Hey, Mister~ What's your favorite kind of cake? Braaaaiiiins? Hm, I've never had that kind before, but brain cake can't be any ickier than carrot cake, right? Ohh, but you gotta be more specific! What kind of brains? Do you live here? Are you native? I heard eggs n' brains are real popular in southern U.S. But the "eggs" make it sound like a breakfast dish, and right now, it's around tea time. I wonder what kinds of tea the cafeteria has... Well, it doesn't matter. All cakes go well with all teas! Yup! But I guess some people prefer sandwiches with their tea. Oh, I've heard of tacos sesos made from cow brains. Tacos are kinda like tea sandwiches except with crunchier bread, right? Ahh, I really can't think of any sweet brain foods! But there's such a thing as choco-tacos right? It's a commoner ice cream dessert and it's really, really good even though I've only had it once. I was gonna get another one but then, that abalone vendor had his big yellow bucke--
Mister, why are you moaning? You look green like a watermelon! You want...? Eh, you want my brains? But I need them, or else I'll die! You want me to die? WAAAAAAAHHH, YOU'RE MEAN! USA-CHAN KICK! HI-YAH!!
Oh. Scary. His head fell off. Sorry.
... Oh, Usa-chan, your Daddy was following us the whole time. Maybe he can lead us to the cafeteria! After all, he's still drooling and hungry. His spit sure is bubbly. You know, even though he has white fur, I guess I kinda see the family resemblance. His eyes are sorta dark pink...more like red. It reminds me of a cute
bunny horror book I read in 2nd grade! He's smiling! His teeth sure are sharp. He's coming closer... Yay, snugglies!
AAAH! Usa-chan, your daddy tried to bite me! Usa-chan's daddy...don't tell me you want my brains too... WAAAAAAAHH, you can't be Usa-chan's daddy, you're too MEAN! USA-CHAN PUNCH!!
... Sorry, little bunny. *sniff* I wonder if everyone at this camp is mean. I... I wanna go hoooommmeee!!
Poll Vote!
eta: APPLICANTS, please check your formatting before sending your apps in.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Tabitha Smith
Series: Nextwave
Age: 21
Canon: Nextwave is Warren Ellis. Satirical, clever and with all those Marvel heroes you thought were just obnoxious wastes of space on wikipedia. Nextwave is peppered with horrifying villains like Dirk Anger, naked ninjas, The Homosexuality, Broccoli-robot-men and flesh eating koala bears.
Tabitha Smith in particular is a mutant who has the ability to blow shit up. And take all your stuff. Additionally psychics hate her because she's immune to their mind altering drugs powers. She's so stupid there's not enough mind to read or alter. She actually uses words like 'zomg'. As for blowing shit up, she makes 'time bombs' which look like really nifty smoky-yellow-beams and often counts down with 'tick, tick, tick, boom' but it isn't necessary for detonation.
For Tabitha 'Like' is not just a filler, it's a way of life. XXXX is a multipurpose word for all situations. (XXXX is not just a censoring tool, it's a sledgehammer of justice and morality, preventing your children from picking up bad words, one speech bubble at a time. Censoring tools on gratuitous violence and cleavage sold separately.)
Notes: Elsa Bloodstone is a) English and b) a member of Nextwave with Tabitha usually referenced by ethnicity. Monica Rambeau is the mostly leader of Nextwave, because she used to run with the Avengers, who are the superhero team everyone aspires to be, you know.
Sample Post:
You're doing it wrong. "Camp XXXX You Die" is such false advertising. I see camp. I see die (and ew). What I don't see is any XXXX. What's a girl got to do to get some service around here? I hate to break it to you, but, like, I haven't seen this much gay since... well... The Homosexuality. And he was pretty damn gay.
'Go kill the undead villain-man, Tabby. Take the English XXXX with you. Did I mention I used to be part of the Avengers? He's in Louisiana. Blah blah blah Avengers blah blah I once ironed Captain America's pants blah blah.' Thanks Monica. Your plan broke, I haven't seen the English XXXX since before we crossed the state border, even I don't take that long to pee.
Speaking of peeing, which way to the ladies' room? Like, a girl can only hold a Super Size Plus Endorsement drink for so long. I'll just follow the signs. This one says 'Mess Hall' so I guess I don't have to, like, clean up after. Man, these signs are handy...SHIT! A sign in European! How will I read it!? Though, if I reckon rightly, this sign is in, like, Canadian. ...there are Canadians in Louisiana? The French have invaded the South! ZOMG! This just makes the South, like, a really sucky country. More of a really sucky country. Quick, while the French-Canadians are distracted, I claim this country in the name of America! Ha, take that, you European XXXXs.
Alright, listen up surrender-monkeys! Resistance is not-cool. Your fancy Jedi hand motions won't, like, work on me. Louisiana is, from now on, forever part of America and you cannot stop me. Your talking-in-the-head birds do nothing because I am clever. Your still-walking-dead-guys do nothing because I can blow them up. Tick, tick, tick, BOOM.
Poll Vote!
Character: Beth
Series: Petite Princess Yucie
Age: 17, but appears 10
Canon: Once in a thousand years, the competition to become the Platinum Princess arises, and five eternally pre-pubescent princess candidates from the five worlds compete for the title through such entirely relevant challenges as baking cookies, putting on recitals, farming, and especially strengthening their Pure Shoujo Hearts. Beth, princess of the Fairy Realm, is far from a typical pretty pretty princess--she's a tomboy, a magic user, and she has no time for distractions. Ever since her dad became a tree to save all the little fairies and woodland creatures, she's been a stubborn loner focused only on becoming the Platinum Princess and getting her wish granted. Eventually, however, through the power of friendship, teamwork, and blushy stammering, she starts to open up.
Sample Post:
You know, I respect that you have all this magical power and free time laying around here. But do you have to use it on such stupid pranks?! Mark my words, I'm going to get whoever's behind this. But until I find you, here's some information for you and for everyone else who's as annoyingly ignorant about fairies.
1. I am nobody's godmother. And I don't know what all this talk about pumpkins and carriages and glass slippers is about, but even if I had any of that, like hell I'd give it all to you. So stop pestering me about it! Just go to the ball on your own; it can't be that far! Some of us have to work to be princesses, you know.
2. I am not a "tooth fairy." So stop giving me your damn teeth! What am I supposed to do with them? And then having the nerve to ask for payment for them... These are all half-decayed anyway, how much can they possibly be worth? If they're so valuable, then why don't you keep them?
3. There is no need whatsoever for me to be wearing this sparkly pink dress and these fake flimsy wings. I already have a magic enhancer that works a lot better than this lump of glitter on a stick you seem to think is a magic wand. So stop sticking me back in this stuff whenever I try to change clothes! This is an insult to fairy-kind and magic users everywhere alike!
4. On that note, yes, I happen to be a magical fairy princess. It's not funny! It's a perfectly respectable profession, and it's worth a lot more than whatever it is you people do if what I've seen so far is any indication! And if any of you would like to try me, I can prove to you that my magic is better than just a puff of sparkles and vapid wish-granting.
This sort of discrimination really shouldn't be allowed. If this is how you're going to be, I'm not going to put up with any of this anymore! If you excuse me, I'm going to find a tree to set up camp in.
...
la;sjdf. I-I. I, um. I think I get why she called this place the "Badtouch Realm."
Poll Vote!
Character: Vision II
Series: Young Avengers
Age: 16, for all intents and purposes; a couple months since he became sentient.
Canon: The Vision is just a normal boy. A normal boy whose body is composed of high-tech armor from the 30 th century and a mind based on that of a boy who will grow up to be one of the most dangerous super villains of all time.
The Vision is a little withdrawn, more of an idea-man than a leader. A competent fighter, he also has a range of super powers at his disposal, including energy blasts, electronic interfacing and the ability to alter his own density.
The Vision and his teammates joined the resistance to the Super Hero Registration Act and are currently in hiding from the government. Recently, they took a trip to Los Angeles to try and recruit the Runaways, which is where we pick up…
Sample Post:
To err is human. To really ruin things, you need a computer. It seems that "Camp Fuck You Die" has seen fit to provide me with both.
Ahh. Yes, that is indeed an eyeball. I certainly hope it's yours, since you appear to be missing both of them. No, I'm sorry, my name does not refer to an ability to grant vision. No, I'm sorry, I can't help you. Perhaps you could locate some sort of seeing-eye…creature? Object? I would be more than happy to donate my computer -
SZZAKK!
Stop that! Your attempted alterations to my OS are not welcome. This sort of behavior is exactly why I am donating you to a blind zombie. Nor do I appreciate your rendition of "Daisy Bell". You, my friend, are no HAL 9000 and the year 2001 has passed.
…Ma'am, cease gnawing on my scalp. You've just crushed your remaining eyeball on my shoulder and I am sure that you have more dignity than to behave like the stereotypical B-movie zombie. You're going to break your teeth and I don't even have the grey matter you seek. You are going to damage yourself if you don't desist!
Don't look so disappointed, I assure you that altering my density so that you passed through me was more unpleasant for me than it was for you. Here, let me help you up. I require your assistance.
It stands to reason that where there are zombies, there must be people. And where there are people and zombies, there is trouble. Magic isn't one of my strong points, but if there's a super villain terrorizing people, I can't do anything but help. And hopefully there will be people who can help me locate my friends. I hope Cassie's all right.
Ma'am? I can steer you around the trees and over the roots if you could provide me with the directions to the other zombies.
Z-ZZAK-K!
Oh don't worry. We're not leaving you here where you can attack other people. I am going to embed you inside this tree firs--!
Note to self: everything is hostile here. Or disturbingly over-affectionate.
And sometimes both.
Poll Vote!
Character: Rose Tyler
Series: Doctor Who (Nine/Ten era)
Age: 19
Canon: The thing about Rose is that she used to work in a shop. Then she met the Doctor. Now, she travels around the universe in his TARDIS, which stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space, and looks like a 1950’s police box. Essentially, the TARDIS is a machine that disappears from one place and reappears somewhere else, on a different planet or in a different time. It’s fairly ancient, and doesn’t always land where it’s programmed to, although other functions work well enough. For example, it can translate alien languages inside people’s heads. Like a Babel fish, only big, blue and box-shaped. Also, it’s not a fish.
Rose is the most recent in a long line of the Doctor’s companions, although, being rather possessive of him, she tries not to think about precisely how long that line is. Before meeting him, she was a regular 21st Century girl from Cardiff. She lived with her mother, Jackie, and spent her spare time hanging about eating chips with her boyfriend, Mickey Smith. That all changed when a total stranger grabbed her hand, told her to run, then blew of up her place of employment. Since then, Rose has shown herself to be an incredibly resourceful companion, albeit one with tendency to horribly mispronounce the names of planets. She is courageous and compassionate, standing up for her ideals not only against enemies, but also against the Doctor.
Every so often an episode begins with Rose’s voice giving a brief introduction. These voiceovers tend to either recap what’s happening, or foreshadow what’s to come.
Sample Post:
My name is Rose Tyler, and this is the story of h-h-owdy parrrrrdner! Welcome to Sayre’s Steak and Spit! Please remember to spit after you steak! Try our orange couscous squid, made with real lake water! Leave your shoes at the door, and don’t forget to tip over the friendly porter! He likes it!
Okay. That? Was unnecessary. What’s up with the voiceover? I so do not sound like that. I was only looking for a phone, since mine seems to be out of range. Weird, that; it’s always connected before. Guess it needs more jiggery-pokery. I bet I’m gonna get in trouble for wandering off, never mind that he’d have done the same thing if he’d heard that shrieking. Probably wouldn’t have gotten lost, though. ‘Course, I wouldn’t be lost if we’d landed where we were supposed to. I know enough geography to know that this is not 21st Century London. Not unless it’s recently grown a swamp. Although to be fair, the Thames… well, I’ll say no more. Still, I doubt London in 2012 looks this bad, even if this swamp’s tiny compared to those on Rass… er. Raxacoricofallapatorius. You guys should really work on your décor. I’m just sayin’. Just ‘cause you’re outdoors doesn’t mean you have to let it all go.
Well, it doesn’t look like this place even has a phone. At least I’m not too good to ask for directions. Men. They’re all the same, no matter what planet they’re from. If I can just find that porter the voiceover mentioned, maybe he can help me out… wow, I don’t think we even hit the right planet this time, ‘cause this guy is seriously lacking in the skin department. Or maybe he’s just had a really bad facial.
‘Scuse me, have you seen a police box around here somewhere? You know, tall blue box, free for use of public? I could do without the laughter. This isn’t funny, and there’s no need to be rude. I’m Dame Rose, of… huh. Looks like he knows me. There’s no way I know him; his face would be hard to forget. There’s definitely something weird going on. Care to enlighten me, Mr Porter Man? You can laugh, so you can talk, and I promise I’ll understand. I’m really good with foreign languages.
He’s shaking his head, so guess that means he won’t be exercising those vocal chords any time soon. Charades it is. Small box… antenna… TV? Oh, pull the other one. I’ve never been on the telly. I’ve been in it before, but that was decades ago. Assuming this actually is the 21st Century, which I really shouldn’t. Seriously, I think you’re confusing me with someone else. Okay, necklacey, stethoscope thing… a TV show about the Doctor. What, seriously? This has got to be one of those parallel universe things. Think, Rose, think. The TARDIS was still working before, so if you just retrace your steps, you’ll be back in time for dinner. Just gotta get out the door… oh, not this again.
YOU forgot to tip over the porter! Take ten endurance points and go directly to Camp - do not pass go, and do not collect two hundred dollars!
Oh, that’s just… brilliant.
Poll Vote!
Character: Manjoume Jun
Series: Yu-Gi-Oh GX (information at www.janime.info)
Age: 16-17 (At the start of season one, he's fifteen, according to http://www.janime.info/Genex/characters.html So after season two, logically, he's 16 or 17.)
Canon: ICHI! JYUU! HYAKU! SEN! MANJOUME THUNDER! Duel Academia island often reverbrates with this chant, the catchphrase of the great Manjoume Jun. Manjoume Jun is practically a legend. With his incredible duelling skills, and his family's privleged position at the forefront of the political and financial worlds, Manjoume is used to being treated with respect. And if he is somewhat arrogant, at least he has the card skills to back this up. After all, in his world, your card skills are as important as your life.
Manjoume is a dueling prodigy and he knows it. His cards are the deadliest there are. Rich, intelligent, confident, powerful, possessing the rarest cards, finest technology, and utter ass-kicking skills. Indeed, Manjoume would command the respect of all, but for one minor detail: He's a total dork.
He's calm. He's collected. And the instant he sees the girl of his dreams, he abandons all forms of dignity, hand-crafts large signs with pink hearts proclaiming his love for her, and even goes so far as to accidentally doom the world to win her heart. Large pink jackets, shouting in horrible engrish? Full-steam ahead! And like all great duelists, he has this habit of self-narration as he works. Hand him a camcorder and watch him narrate his life like a movie while he goes around his daily business!
And if that weren't enough, three of his cards have spirits living in them. While most cards are just plain cardboard, his have three ten-inch-tall aliens in thongs following him around. The "Ojama Brothers" view him as their big brother. And he and his rival are the only ones that can see them.
Sample Post:
To recap: I was carrying my luggage to my dorm room after summer vacation ended. Nothing strange. Next, I found a strange card on the ground. It was labelled as a Field magic card. It was named "Camp Fuck You Die", in English, with the effect of "Lowering both player's sanity by 2000 points every turn". Mistake number one was putting it into my Duel Disk to see what this meant.
Next, I'm standing at a lakeside. Assuming it must be the hologram, I paid no attention to the tentacle things approaching me until they got close. I summoned a small monster to see what the field would do to it... My Hell Soldier was then shown a worse Hell than I could possible have imagined. As I don't ever panic, my running away was calm and calculated.
Okay, then. I've determined that this card should be burned immediately. Maybe put in a call to the designers so they know such a messed-up card is going around. Hopefully, there'd be reward money involved for it...
... Where did the card go? Why isn't it in my Disk anymore? And for that matter, why is this hologram so realistic? The Duel Disk shouldn't be able to produce this much detail in a hologram. Or all those zombies. There's a limit to how many things it can project at once. A swarm like that is well beyond Duel Disk capabilities. But it doesn't matter. It's still just a hologram. It's just a hologram. Just a-
Just a hologram that grabbed me. I'm not sticking around anymore. AAAAGH!
Poll Vote!
Character: Hazel
Series: Magical Pokemon Journey
Age: 13
Canon: Magical Pokemon Journey is the sparkly shoujo series of the Pokemon franchise, following the adventures of Hazel as she tries to win the love of Pokemon trainer Almond. To that end, she makes a deal with the mad scientist "Grandpa": She'll catch Pokemon for him in exchange for the Ultimate Love Potion (one that won't explode when she bakes it into a cake)! ...or at least, that's the plan. Instead, she only winds up befriending several Pokemon and having happy cracky shoujo-type adventures with them. And even though she lives in it, she knows very little about the world of Pokemon -- when the series began, she had no clue what a Pikachu was.
The most important thing, to Hazel, is her beloved Almond. He's constantly on her mind and pretty much the only things that can distract her from him are (A) cute things and (B) matchmaking for others. Almond~~ ♥
Hazel is bringing her Pikachu and Jigglypuff to camp, but leaving Clefairy behind because as a talking Pokemon he would have to be a camper in his own right.
Sample Post:
Is this the city of Seefud in the Louisiana region? Grandpa sent me here to catch some Pokemon for him so I could finally get my love potion. I've already seen some kinds I never saw before but then there's a lot of kinds I never saw before. And wooow, I've heard about zombie-type Pokemon but I always thought they were only in ghost stories! Grandpa'll love these! And the one in the lake must be evolved from... um... Tentacool, right? Don't be scared, Pikachu, it won't hurt you! I'm sure it just wants to be friends!
Oooh, I can't wait to catch all these Pokemon and hurry back home! Even if Grandpa stiffs me again, Almond can't help but notice that I, the amazing and adorable Hazel, caught so many rare and unique types. I bet he's never even heard of some of these! He's always bragging about what a great trainer he is, but I bet he's never heard of the Platypus. That's something I read about in the library here just now. They're really weird but they're kind of cute, too.
I've been asking people around here about the different kinds of Pokemon, and some of them looked at me like I was stupid -- I guess these kinds can't be that rare around here, so I tried to explain I was from Kanto and hadn't ever been here before... But some people told me there's these Psychic-type birds in the woods, and there's even a Pokemon called The Hospital.
That's weird. There's a hospital here, but why would they name a Pokemon after it?
...that hospital is the Pokemon? What? How? ...will it fit in a Poké Ball?
Poll Vote!
Character: Haninozuka Mitsukuni AKA "Honey"
Series: Ouran High School Host Club
Age: 17
Canon: Ouran's Host Club has an impressive repertoire of "types." You know, the cool type, the prince type, the twincest types... Then you've got Honey. With the face of an angel, and measuring in at 148 cm, he's got the perfect loli-shouta look. His favorite things include cakes, chocolates, and his pink, stuffed bunny-doll, Usa-chan. He hates mean people and being mean to others. He laughs easily, cries easily, and gives hugs and affectionate nicknames to perfect strangers easily. Loli-shouta, indeed.
But not everything about Honey is rainbows and sunshine. He's also the master of the world-renowned Haninozuka martial arts technique. However, he's forbidden to use 100% of his strength in public, because if he did, Japan would be accused of harboring a secret weapon of mass destruction. He's also known to get cranky if you wake him up during sleepy time, but really, he's a sweet boy.
Sample Post:
You know what? It was getting a little lonely back home. Everyone 'cept Takashi, Usa-chan and me left for summer camp. So, I wanted to come! Usa-chan, too!
AH, LOOK, LOOK! It's a real live bunny! Cuuuuute~♥ Wow, lotsa bunnies! There's a pink one, just like you, Usa-chan! Maybe she's your mommy. Hey, and maybe Daddy's the one climbing on top of her. Daddy keeps bouncing up and down on Mommy. I guess they're "having fun" like bunnies. Or, y'know, mommy-daddy things. Maybe you'll get some little brothers and sisters!
Uh oh, Daddy's drooling. Looks like he's hungry. Usa-chan, you're hungry, too? So am I! I mean, the last time we had cake was maybe an hour ago. It was soooo yummy, I love cake!
Oh, a grown-up! Hey, hey, Mister~ Do you know where the cafeteria is? Do you know what kinds of cake they have? I hope they have a strawberry kind. Or a choco-cake. Hey, Mister~ What's your favorite kind of cake? Braaaaiiiins? Hm, I've never had that kind before, but brain cake can't be any ickier than carrot cake, right? Ohh, but you gotta be more specific! What kind of brains? Do you live here? Are you native? I heard eggs n' brains are real popular in southern U.S. But the "eggs" make it sound like a breakfast dish, and right now, it's around tea time. I wonder what kinds of tea the cafeteria has... Well, it doesn't matter. All cakes go well with all teas! Yup! But I guess some people prefer sandwiches with their tea. Oh, I've heard of tacos sesos made from cow brains. Tacos are kinda like tea sandwiches except with crunchier bread, right? Ahh, I really can't think of any sweet brain foods! But there's such a thing as choco-tacos right? It's a commoner ice cream dessert and it's really, really good even though I've only had it once. I was gonna get another one but then, that abalone vendor had his big yellow bucke--
Mister, why are you moaning? You look green like a watermelon! You want...? Eh, you want my brains? But I need them, or else I'll die! You want me to die? WAAAAAAAHHH, YOU'RE MEAN! USA-CHAN KICK! HI-YAH!!
Oh. Scary. His head fell off. Sorry.
... Oh, Usa-chan, your Daddy was following us the whole time. Maybe he can lead us to the cafeteria! After all, he's still drooling and hungry. His spit sure is bubbly. You know, even though he has white fur, I guess I kinda see the family resemblance. His eyes are sorta dark pink...more like red. It reminds me of a cute
bunny horror book I read in 2nd grade! He's smiling! His teeth sure are sharp. He's coming closer... Yay, snugglies!
AAAH! Usa-chan, your daddy tried to bite me! Usa-chan's daddy...don't tell me you want my brains too... WAAAAAAAHH, you can't be Usa-chan's daddy, you're too MEAN! USA-CHAN PUNCH!!
... Sorry, little bunny. *sniff* I wonder if everyone at this camp is mean. I... I wanna go hoooommmeee!!
Poll Vote!