(no subject)
ONE MORE BATCH AFTER THISSssssss. As a reminder, please always check your app and make sure the formatting is good and you don't have any wacky code that may or may not get mangled in Gmail, since we can't always catch everything. \o/
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Clooooosed
Character name: Steve Barkin
Series: Kim Possible
Age: Not Given
Job: Pixie Den Mother
Canon: Kim Possible is a Disney cartoon about a teen girl who saves the world... if Mr. Barkin hasn't given her detention. Mr. Barkin is a high school teacher at Middleton High. He is strict, no-nonsense and talks like he's still in the military. He also has a gentler side that appreciates housewares, baked goods and a good bedtime teddy bear.
There is a running joke in the show that Mr. Barkin substitutes every class from math to home economics because the other school staff are either sick or on vacation.
Sample Entry:
Listen up people. Your regular Pixie group leader developed a flour allergy so I've been asked to take over. As long as I'm here, you will listen to what I say. If I want you to identify three types of carnivorous flora, you will do it. If I want you to knit an Afghan scarf, you better do it and it will be pretty. Becoming a full fledged Pixie is not easy. It is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Now I'll move on to the important part of this meeting: muffins.
As you know the annual PIXIE MUFFIN DRIVE is fast approaching. We, as Pixies, must to protect our muffin territory from enemy forces. These include:
a) the squirrels.
Oh, these may look like harmless woodland creatures but underneath that seemingly adorable fuzzy exterior lies an evil like the world has never seen. It was thirty clicks south-east of Ieliy, I was tracking the enemy when I was ambushed...by squirrels. Filthy, mutant squirrels. At least twenty of them. For a month, I was stuck in a cave, fighting to protect my rations, but in the end I couldn't save my nuts. Now I ask you, do you honestly want to go on hiatus for a month without making a single muffin sale? DO YOU? Use the buddy system, never travel alone, and never EVER engage the squirrel mafia.
b) The gorillas
If the color isn't enough of a tip off, then I don't know what to say. These are no ordinary gorillas. They're friendly, overly so. In my experience, a funny look means bad news. When you've got a giant, purple primate trying to hug you, it's time for a tactical retreat.
c) Girl Scouts
Our sworn enemies. Yes, their cookies are delicious and addictive but you will not falter. Do their cookies come in blueberry and multigrain? NO. Do their cookies remind me of fond memories with Ma Barkin baking in the kitchen? NO. They remind me of trans fat, 4 grams per serving. Yes, I know it's horrible.
I know this is a lot to take in, but don't fall apart on me. Put your arms back on, stick your eyeballs back in their sockets and look alert. You're not just anyone, you are proud American Pixies. Remember what the motto is, "Pixies Stick Together!"
Poll Vote!
Character name: Samuel Vimes
Series: Discworld
Age: 52
Job: Ambassador of Ankh-Morpork (and Captain of the Camp Watch)
Canon: Discworld is a world resting on the back of four giant elephants standing on the back of the Great A'Tuin, a cosmic turtle swimming through space. In this world is the city of Ankh-Morpork, which rather oddly, has become the place everyone wants to live in.
His Grace Sir Samuel Vimes is Commander of Ankh-Morpork's City Watch, having risen through the ranks with grit, a healthy dose of cynicism, and some rather annoying favors. His new station hasn't changed who he is though: a copper is a copper, be it human, troll, dwarf, Igor, undead, werewolf, gnome, or bloodsucker vampire. Mr. Vimes has faced down werewolves, demons, and the real clincher, getting through Ankh-Morpork rush hour traffic every evening by six to read to his son, Young Sam. Tough as nails,
Side note: Captain Commander Vimes has been taken from directly after the events in Thud!
Sample Entry:
Someone's playing silly buggers with me again, aren't they? Thought the driver was giving me a funny look and I know a funny look. This one was two levels below eyeballing when he dropped me off, and are monkeys that color? If one of them shoves me one more time, I'll have them arrested for Assault Without A License. Trees have been rather friendly though, if a bit grabby.
Well, all I'm really here to do is read this bit of paper to all of you and then I can bunk off back to my real job. Right.
Greetings, good citizens of Camp Fuck You Die I see we're keeping up the fine old tradition of humorous misspelling and adolescent wit, my name is Samuel Vimes, Duke of Ankh-Morpork and I am here because Vetinari felt it prudent to extend diplomatic relations to other countries including swamps, apparently. Ankh-Morpork is a city of diversity, where beings of all shapes and sizes are welcome, even the gentleman with the rather green complexion over there. And you, as well, madam, though we tend to refrain from eating other people's limbs.
No, ma'am, that does not mean I want a taste. No, really, I'm sure it's delicious when it's gone grey, and I'm sure those wriggly things add to the flavour immensely, but you see, it's against my religion to eat someone else's arm. It's just a thing, ma'am.
In any case, Ankh-Morpork, in the finest tradition of fellowship, wishes to extend a hand in the name of friendship and goodwill more like in the hopes of nicking your watch and walking off with your wallet and hopes that a lasting relationship can be forged between our two cities. As such, the Patrician is sending one of Ankh-Morpork's finest citizens to begin diplomatic talks. I wonder what poor bastard got landed with that job. It is with great pleasure that I announce that the first ambassador of Ankh-Morpork to Camp Fuck You Die is His Grace, Sir Samuel Vimes-.
…
Who will be fulfilling duties blah blah no you are not getting out of this, Sir Samuel; enjoy your vacation. Signed Lord Vetinari.
…
Dammit. What I did I do to make him mad this time?
Poll Vote!
Character: Death
Series: Discworld
Age: He has existed since the moment the universe opened its doors for business and the first one-celled customer shuffled in. So... "really old".
Job: Chief Overseer of Life Force Management
Canon: Somewhere... There is the Discworld, a flat world supported on the backs of four elephants, which in turn stand on the shell of a giant world turtle. I could spend all day talking about the Disc (no, really, I could), but for now I'll just point out that it's a place where belief has power. If enough people believe that, for example, Death is personified by a seven-foot-tall skeleton with a scythe... then he will be.
And he is. Death's duty is to collect the souls of those who have died, allowing them to go on to their afterlife. (Canon has shown us that if he doesn't, the life force of those souls will remain in the living world, where it will inevitably cause havoc.) Space and time are largely irrelevant to him, magic is largely ineffective, and on the whole he'd just be a big bag full of god-mode if he didn't always play by the rules. Despite his intimidating appearance, Death is never cruel, only calm and steadfast in adherence to his Duty (though he can, on occasion, be provoked). Over the centuries, he has grown curious about humanity, to the point of emulating them in some ways -- although he isn't naturally aware of many things humans take for granted. He even once adopted a human child. This turned out about as well as you might expect.
And yes, he always talks like this. It's the best way we've found to represent speech that goes straight to your brain without saying hello to your ears on the way.
Sample Post:
I can certainly see why my presence was requested. Well, of course, I am everywhere, at all times. But at this moment, specifically, I am here in... "Camp Fuck You Die". What a charming name.
And what an astonishing level of life force has built up here. Buildings, furniture, aspects of the landscape, these "laptops" that are handed out; all seem to have developed not only life, but a particularly malicious form of intelligence. Even my scythe chose to express an opinion on the matter, shortly after I arrived. I am certainly not accustomed to arguing with my own tool... and I must say I don't understand why it finds my choice of wording so funny.
This build up also seems to be the cause of my domain's... impermanence, so to speak, within the camp. All these resurrections and reincarnations... I do not wish to name any names, but certain campers' hourglasses have put me in mind of an epileptic glassblower. And then, of course, there are the zombies. Understand, I have nothing against zombies in concept, but I was previously unacquainted with the variety that consumes human brain matter. On reflection, I would have preferred to remain so. You there, the tall zombie at the front of the group. Have you anything to say in your defense? ... "Come closer"? Very well. Now, what is it you wish to --
... Please remove your teeth from my pate. This is quite undignified. It's not as if you are even capable of harming me -- and no, I'm afraid it isn't just a matter of gnawing harder. Even if you managed to break my skull open, you would not find...
I am beginning to lose my patience. Heed my words: I have been tasked with a Solemn Duty. I am here to help return balance to the natural order of this dimension, and I shall start with you. Your rotted bodies shall return to the earth, and the artificial masses of life force that pass for your "souls" shall be permanently returned to the cycle.
Now. If you would all line up in an orderly queue...
Poll Vote!
Character name: Leonard of Quirm
Series: Discworld
Age: an unspecified (but venerable) age somewhere between thirty and ninety.
Job: Incongruous Professor of Aesthetic and Kinesthetic Philosophy in the Natural and Mechanical Arts (AKA Arts and Crafts Counselor)
Canon: Consider the Discworld. The brainchild of the ever irreverent Terry Pratchett, Discworld is a flat world that sits on the backs of four elephants, which in turn stand on the back of a turtle, and if you ask what the turtle stands on, then, well, generally, you'll just get odd looks.
And then there's Leonard of Quirm. A pastiche of Leonardo da Vinci (though Pratchett has stated that there's a bit of Sir George Cayley thrown in as well), Leonard is the Discworld's resident Renaissance Man--philosopher, mechanic, painter, and inventor extraordinare. Sometimes, it seems like the only thing he can't come up with is a concise name for his newest invention. However, despite all of his impressive abilities, Leonard tends to come across as a rather naive and bumbling old chap, full of misguided optimism and perpetual good cheer. He fills the margins of his mechanical diagrams with doodles of flowers and birds; he invents war machines so powerful that no war would ever happen again because no one would dare use them; and he is not only convinced of the goodness in everyone--it never seems to occur to him to suspect that they're not essentially good. Somewhere in there. Er, very deep down, in some cases.
Sample Entry:
Halloa there! I must say, Quirm has changed since my last visit! This is the AcadŽmie du Champ du Phoque EtudiŽ*, isn't it? I am fairly certain that I navigated correctly, but I have been known to become distracted by the stray comet or interesting landform in the past and I do recall I might have taken a detour or two somewhere along the way. You know how it is, I'm sure. Are you a student here, then?
Ah, you are a "champeur**"? Is that a nickname for one who attends the school, then? How delightful! EnchantŽ***! I am Leonard of Quirm, and I am to be one of your professors in the coming semester. I must say, Lord Vetinari and I were quite surprised to receive your headmistress' missive--I have never been a professor before! But I am sure it shall be a great learning experience for all of us. Ah, what a glorious endeavor, to tickle the thoughts and excite the imaginations of those who are young and bright-eyed and eager to learn! Your headmistress seems very passionate about her work, you know. She is a very... driven woman, your headmistress. And she expressed some interest in some of my inventions, too! I shall have to remember to show her my "articulated-apparatus-for-comfortable-and-safe-restraint-in-nearly-any-orientation" and my "experimental-omni-wave-radiation-emission-lens" once I've properly situated myself; I do seem to remember she expressed particular interest in them.
And--oh, that reminds me! I am to set up office in the Hut of Art and Craft; would you happen to know where it is?
...Er. It just dissappeared suddenly one day without anyone noticing? Really? Perhaps it sunk? No? Or maybe it has been devoured by a lurquemoar**** monster, specimens of which, though the entire species is discounted as purely mythological by many, I have encountered on a few occasions in my youth? Er, not that, either?
Curious. How very fascinating! I shall have to look into it--after all, a professor in an office that may or may not exist could be living or dead at any... er. Or perhaps not.
How curious.
*"Academy of the Field of the LearnŽd Seal". Yes, "Phoque" is pronounced how you probably think it's pronounced.
**This doesn't actually mean anything, as far as this apper knows.
***"Nice to meet you".
****Also essentially meaningless.
Poll Vote!
Character: Taishiji Shigi
Series: Koutetsu Sangokushi
Character Age: 28
Job: Training coach
Canon: Taishiji is, in a word, loud. When he is asleep, his snoring could wake the dead, and when he is awake, his loud voice and intense manner, not to mention the fact that he is just bigger than most other people his age, make Taishiji come off as quite intimidating. He is definitely a man of his word, however - those who gain his respect (generally accomplished by showing an ability to smash things just as well as he can) will find him a loyal comrade. Those on his good side find Taishiji a lot like a very large dog: good-natured, but not always aware of what he might be knocking over or breaking when he gives noogies or pats on the back.
He is still somewhat distraught over the recent assassination of his lord and dear friend Sonsaku, but Taishiji is determined to ease up on the angst and put his copious energy into continuing to fight for his kingdom. Sonsaku was killed by the rival kingdom of Gi so that they could steal his "sovereign's seal" and use the power within it to take control of China.
Sample Post:
Alright, kids, I need some answers here, so listen up.
First off, you all seem terrified of something, and it isn't me. ...Never mind, I'll fix that tomorrow when I start getting you girls in shape.
Thir- I mean secondly, I need someone to help me with my laptop thing. The last kid I asked, little smartass, told me to just put the plug in the wall and press the power button. By the time I finally got that plug through the wood panneling, all the little prongs were bent, and the power button didn't do anything. So THIS TIME I need someone this time who knows what the heck they're talking about!
Second one is important. Oh, no, it's the third one. BUT IT'S STILL IMPORTANT. I met some of your friends on the way in, and they smelled like they'd rolled in rotten meat and then crawled out of a crypt. Wandering all over the place smelling like that, too. Have you all not heard of hygine? It's important. Learn it. I don't care if you have to drag your classmates bodily to the shower, I want all of you to be sure you're bathing. If I catch any of you smelling rank like that, you can be the ones to heat up my bathwater. And don't think I won't make you.
Okay, wait, let me count... Okay, this is number FOUR! I need someone who can tell me where- Oh, no not another one of you smelly kids again. Gods, you look horrible. Okay, okay, get off, and quit making that noise. Let me take you to the nurse or something. Get yourself looked at and - OFF THE HELMET, IT'S MINE - when you're feeling a little better, I'll have that bathwater waiting for you to heat up for me. Maybe you won't stink so much, even if you are sick. Uho, shoot, is that supposed to come off? Yeah, let's hurry up and get you to the nurse. Just... you can carry that... arm.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Clooooosed
Character name: Steve Barkin
Series: Kim Possible
Age: Not Given
Job: Pixie Den Mother
Canon: Kim Possible is a Disney cartoon about a teen girl who saves the world... if Mr. Barkin hasn't given her detention. Mr. Barkin is a high school teacher at Middleton High. He is strict, no-nonsense and talks like he's still in the military. He also has a gentler side that appreciates housewares, baked goods and a good bedtime teddy bear.
There is a running joke in the show that Mr. Barkin substitutes every class from math to home economics because the other school staff are either sick or on vacation.
Sample Entry:
Listen up people. Your regular Pixie group leader developed a flour allergy so I've been asked to take over. As long as I'm here, you will listen to what I say. If I want you to identify three types of carnivorous flora, you will do it. If I want you to knit an Afghan scarf, you better do it and it will be pretty. Becoming a full fledged Pixie is not easy. It is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Now I'll move on to the important part of this meeting: muffins.
As you know the annual PIXIE MUFFIN DRIVE is fast approaching. We, as Pixies, must to protect our muffin territory from enemy forces. These include:
a) the squirrels.
Oh, these may look like harmless woodland creatures but underneath that seemingly adorable fuzzy exterior lies an evil like the world has never seen. It was thirty clicks south-east of Ieliy, I was tracking the enemy when I was ambushed...by squirrels. Filthy, mutant squirrels. At least twenty of them. For a month, I was stuck in a cave, fighting to protect my rations, but in the end I couldn't save my nuts. Now I ask you, do you honestly want to go on hiatus for a month without making a single muffin sale? DO YOU? Use the buddy system, never travel alone, and never EVER engage the squirrel mafia.
b) The gorillas
If the color isn't enough of a tip off, then I don't know what to say. These are no ordinary gorillas. They're friendly, overly so. In my experience, a funny look means bad news. When you've got a giant, purple primate trying to hug you, it's time for a tactical retreat.
c) Girl Scouts
Our sworn enemies. Yes, their cookies are delicious and addictive but you will not falter. Do their cookies come in blueberry and multigrain? NO. Do their cookies remind me of fond memories with Ma Barkin baking in the kitchen? NO. They remind me of trans fat, 4 grams per serving. Yes, I know it's horrible.
I know this is a lot to take in, but don't fall apart on me. Put your arms back on, stick your eyeballs back in their sockets and look alert. You're not just anyone, you are proud American Pixies. Remember what the motto is, "Pixies Stick Together!"
Poll Vote!
Character name: Samuel Vimes
Series: Discworld
Age: 52
Job: Ambassador of Ankh-Morpork (and Captain of the Camp Watch)
Canon: Discworld is a world resting on the back of four giant elephants standing on the back of the Great A'Tuin, a cosmic turtle swimming through space. In this world is the city of Ankh-Morpork, which rather oddly, has become the place everyone wants to live in.
His Grace Sir Samuel Vimes is Commander of Ankh-Morpork's City Watch, having risen through the ranks with grit, a healthy dose of cynicism, and some rather annoying favors. His new station hasn't changed who he is though: a copper is a copper, be it human, troll, dwarf, Igor, undead, werewolf, gnome, or bloodsucker vampire. Mr. Vimes has faced down werewolves, demons, and the real clincher, getting through Ankh-Morpork rush hour traffic every evening by six to read to his son, Young Sam. Tough as nails,
Side note: Captain Commander Vimes has been taken from directly after the events in Thud!
Sample Entry:
Someone's playing silly buggers with me again, aren't they? Thought the driver was giving me a funny look and I know a funny look. This one was two levels below eyeballing when he dropped me off, and are monkeys that color? If one of them shoves me one more time, I'll have them arrested for Assault Without A License. Trees have been rather friendly though, if a bit grabby.
Well, all I'm really here to do is read this bit of paper to all of you and then I can bunk off back to my real job. Right.
Greetings, good citizens of Camp Fuck You Die I see we're keeping up the fine old tradition of humorous misspelling and adolescent wit, my name is Samuel Vimes, Duke of Ankh-Morpork and I am here because Vetinari felt it prudent to extend diplomatic relations to other countries including swamps, apparently. Ankh-Morpork is a city of diversity, where beings of all shapes and sizes are welcome, even the gentleman with the rather green complexion over there. And you, as well, madam, though we tend to refrain from eating other people's limbs.
No, ma'am, that does not mean I want a taste. No, really, I'm sure it's delicious when it's gone grey, and I'm sure those wriggly things add to the flavour immensely, but you see, it's against my religion to eat someone else's arm. It's just a thing, ma'am.
In any case, Ankh-Morpork, in the finest tradition of fellowship, wishes to extend a hand in the name of friendship and goodwill more like in the hopes of nicking your watch and walking off with your wallet and hopes that a lasting relationship can be forged between our two cities. As such, the Patrician is sending one of Ankh-Morpork's finest citizens to begin diplomatic talks. I wonder what poor bastard got landed with that job. It is with great pleasure that I announce that the first ambassador of Ankh-Morpork to Camp Fuck You Die is His Grace, Sir Samuel Vimes-.
…
Who will be fulfilling duties blah blah no you are not getting out of this, Sir Samuel; enjoy your vacation. Signed Lord Vetinari.
…
Dammit. What I did I do to make him mad this time?
Poll Vote!
Character: Death
Series: Discworld
Age: He has existed since the moment the universe opened its doors for business and the first one-celled customer shuffled in. So... "really old".
Job: Chief Overseer of Life Force Management
Canon: Somewhere... There is the Discworld, a flat world supported on the backs of four elephants, which in turn stand on the shell of a giant world turtle. I could spend all day talking about the Disc (no, really, I could), but for now I'll just point out that it's a place where belief has power. If enough people believe that, for example, Death is personified by a seven-foot-tall skeleton with a scythe... then he will be.
And he is. Death's duty is to collect the souls of those who have died, allowing them to go on to their afterlife. (Canon has shown us that if he doesn't, the life force of those souls will remain in the living world, where it will inevitably cause havoc.) Space and time are largely irrelevant to him, magic is largely ineffective, and on the whole he'd just be a big bag full of god-mode if he didn't always play by the rules. Despite his intimidating appearance, Death is never cruel, only calm and steadfast in adherence to his Duty (though he can, on occasion, be provoked). Over the centuries, he has grown curious about humanity, to the point of emulating them in some ways -- although he isn't naturally aware of many things humans take for granted. He even once adopted a human child. This turned out about as well as you might expect.
And yes, he always talks like this. It's the best way we've found to represent speech that goes straight to your brain without saying hello to your ears on the way.
Sample Post:
I can certainly see why my presence was requested. Well, of course, I am everywhere, at all times. But at this moment, specifically, I am here in... "Camp Fuck You Die". What a charming name.
And what an astonishing level of life force has built up here. Buildings, furniture, aspects of the landscape, these "laptops" that are handed out; all seem to have developed not only life, but a particularly malicious form of intelligence. Even my scythe chose to express an opinion on the matter, shortly after I arrived. I am certainly not accustomed to arguing with my own tool... and I must say I don't understand why it finds my choice of wording so funny.
This build up also seems to be the cause of my domain's... impermanence, so to speak, within the camp. All these resurrections and reincarnations... I do not wish to name any names, but certain campers' hourglasses have put me in mind of an epileptic glassblower. And then, of course, there are the zombies. Understand, I have nothing against zombies in concept, but I was previously unacquainted with the variety that consumes human brain matter. On reflection, I would have preferred to remain so. You there, the tall zombie at the front of the group. Have you anything to say in your defense? ... "Come closer"? Very well. Now, what is it you wish to --
... Please remove your teeth from my pate. This is quite undignified. It's not as if you are even capable of harming me -- and no, I'm afraid it isn't just a matter of gnawing harder. Even if you managed to break my skull open, you would not find...
I am beginning to lose my patience. Heed my words: I have been tasked with a Solemn Duty. I am here to help return balance to the natural order of this dimension, and I shall start with you. Your rotted bodies shall return to the earth, and the artificial masses of life force that pass for your "souls" shall be permanently returned to the cycle.
Now. If you would all line up in an orderly queue...
Poll Vote!
Character name: Leonard of Quirm
Series: Discworld
Age: an unspecified (but venerable) age somewhere between thirty and ninety.
Job: Incongruous Professor of Aesthetic and Kinesthetic Philosophy in the Natural and Mechanical Arts (AKA Arts and Crafts Counselor)
Canon: Consider the Discworld. The brainchild of the ever irreverent Terry Pratchett, Discworld is a flat world that sits on the backs of four elephants, which in turn stand on the back of a turtle, and if you ask what the turtle stands on, then, well, generally, you'll just get odd looks.
And then there's Leonard of Quirm. A pastiche of Leonardo da Vinci (though Pratchett has stated that there's a bit of Sir George Cayley thrown in as well), Leonard is the Discworld's resident Renaissance Man--philosopher, mechanic, painter, and inventor extraordinare. Sometimes, it seems like the only thing he can't come up with is a concise name for his newest invention. However, despite all of his impressive abilities, Leonard tends to come across as a rather naive and bumbling old chap, full of misguided optimism and perpetual good cheer. He fills the margins of his mechanical diagrams with doodles of flowers and birds; he invents war machines so powerful that no war would ever happen again because no one would dare use them; and he is not only convinced of the goodness in everyone--it never seems to occur to him to suspect that they're not essentially good. Somewhere in there. Er, very deep down, in some cases.
Sample Entry:
Halloa there! I must say, Quirm has changed since my last visit! This is the AcadŽmie du Champ du Phoque EtudiŽ*, isn't it? I am fairly certain that I navigated correctly, but I have been known to become distracted by the stray comet or interesting landform in the past and I do recall I might have taken a detour or two somewhere along the way. You know how it is, I'm sure. Are you a student here, then?
Ah, you are a "champeur**"? Is that a nickname for one who attends the school, then? How delightful! EnchantŽ***! I am Leonard of Quirm, and I am to be one of your professors in the coming semester. I must say, Lord Vetinari and I were quite surprised to receive your headmistress' missive--I have never been a professor before! But I am sure it shall be a great learning experience for all of us. Ah, what a glorious endeavor, to tickle the thoughts and excite the imaginations of those who are young and bright-eyed and eager to learn! Your headmistress seems very passionate about her work, you know. She is a very... driven woman, your headmistress. And she expressed some interest in some of my inventions, too! I shall have to remember to show her my "articulated-apparatus-for-comfortable-and-safe-restraint-in-nearly-any-orientation" and my "experimental-omni-wave-radiation-emission-lens" once I've properly situated myself; I do seem to remember she expressed particular interest in them.
And--oh, that reminds me! I am to set up office in the Hut of Art and Craft; would you happen to know where it is?
...Er. It just dissappeared suddenly one day without anyone noticing? Really? Perhaps it sunk? No? Or maybe it has been devoured by a lurquemoar**** monster, specimens of which, though the entire species is discounted as purely mythological by many, I have encountered on a few occasions in my youth? Er, not that, either?
Curious. How very fascinating! I shall have to look into it--after all, a professor in an office that may or may not exist could be living or dead at any... er. Or perhaps not.
How curious.
*"Academy of the Field of the LearnŽd Seal". Yes, "Phoque" is pronounced how you probably think it's pronounced.
**This doesn't actually mean anything, as far as this apper knows.
***"Nice to meet you".
****Also essentially meaningless.
Poll Vote!
Character: Taishiji Shigi
Series: Koutetsu Sangokushi
Character Age: 28
Job: Training coach
Canon: Taishiji is, in a word, loud. When he is asleep, his snoring could wake the dead, and when he is awake, his loud voice and intense manner, not to mention the fact that he is just bigger than most other people his age, make Taishiji come off as quite intimidating. He is definitely a man of his word, however - those who gain his respect (generally accomplished by showing an ability to smash things just as well as he can) will find him a loyal comrade. Those on his good side find Taishiji a lot like a very large dog: good-natured, but not always aware of what he might be knocking over or breaking when he gives noogies or pats on the back.
He is still somewhat distraught over the recent assassination of his lord and dear friend Sonsaku, but Taishiji is determined to ease up on the angst and put his copious energy into continuing to fight for his kingdom. Sonsaku was killed by the rival kingdom of Gi so that they could steal his "sovereign's seal" and use the power within it to take control of China.
Sample Post:
Alright, kids, I need some answers here, so listen up.
First off, you all seem terrified of something, and it isn't me. ...Never mind, I'll fix that tomorrow when I start getting you girls in shape.
Thir- I mean secondly, I need someone to help me with my laptop thing. The last kid I asked, little smartass, told me to just put the plug in the wall and press the power button. By the time I finally got that plug through the wood panneling, all the little prongs were bent, and the power button didn't do anything. So THIS TIME I need someone this time who knows what the heck they're talking about!
Second one is important. Oh, no, it's the third one. BUT IT'S STILL IMPORTANT. I met some of your friends on the way in, and they smelled like they'd rolled in rotten meat and then crawled out of a crypt. Wandering all over the place smelling like that, too. Have you all not heard of hygine? It's important. Learn it. I don't care if you have to drag your classmates bodily to the shower, I want all of you to be sure you're bathing. If I catch any of you smelling rank like that, you can be the ones to heat up my bathwater. And don't think I won't make you.
Okay, wait, let me count... Okay, this is number FOUR! I need someone who can tell me where- Oh, no not another one of you smelly kids again. Gods, you look horrible. Okay, okay, get off, and quit making that noise. Let me take you to the nurse or something. Get yourself looked at and - OFF THE HELMET, IT'S MINE - when you're feeling a little better, I'll have that bathwater waiting for you to heat up for me. Maybe you won't stink so much, even if you are sick. Uho, shoot, is that supposed to come off? Yeah, let's hurry up and get you to the nurse. Just... you can carry that... arm.
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