(no subject)
SUP GUYS. First batch, kinda small, etc etc. Apps are still open for another seven hours! Keep 'em coming. ♥ Also! If there are formatting errors, they are probably my fault. Er. Gmail keeps hating on me tonight.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed~
Character: Alexander "Lex" Luthor
Series: Smallville
Character Age: 20-21 (taken from the end of season one)
Canon: Smallville is the touching story of young Clark Kent and his adventures in a town where kryptonite regularly turns its inhabitants into horrible B-movie freaks. It's hard out here for a future Superman.
Of course, what would a future Superman be without an ambiguously gay future nemesis? Enter Lex Luthor, Clark's best friend and the ultimate billionaire playboy. Lex is smooth, charming, intelligent, and ruthless, although he's a little bad at genuine human feelings. He's got a dirty past, a dead mother, and a serious problem with people trying to blackmail him. Lex is a believer in doing unto others before they can do unto him, and even as he tries to curb this and be a good person, he finds himself resorting to less than ethical means to solve his problems.
Never helping with any of these issues is his father, Lionel Luthor, who doesn't understand the concept of familial love, but does understand the concept of making his son's life as miserable as possible--for his own, good, of course. He probably brushes his long, luxurious hair right in front of Lex's eyes every chance he gets. That's just how he is.
At the end of the day, Lex believes he can be a better man. Of course, the rest of the western world knows differently.
Sample Post:
Might as well get this over with.
Excuse me, sir. I'd like to apologize for earlier. I'm Lex Luthor. Oh, you've heard of me? I shouldn't be surprised. But you shouldn't believe everything you read in the tabloids; they have a bad habit of exaggerating. My father sent me here, he claimed, to attend, what was it...the Louisiana Conference For Uninspired Dropouts. He seemed unconcerned by my pointing out that I am nothing if not inspired. Of course, I wasn't given any choice in the matter to begin with, and I could certainly think of worse ways to spend a weekend.
But needless to say, a deserted swamp wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I don't want you to think that I was discriminating; I know my initial reaction left something to be desired. I just hadn't known that there were still leper colonies in the continental United States. I'm sure my father would be thrilled to know that I'm learning. I'm also very glad you think we've bonded, although I wouldn't have presumed to put my hair loss on the level of your skin-and-limb loss if you hadn't brought it up first. Still, I don't think the solution is for us to become "special friends," and I'm going to have to ask you to remove your hand.
. . . Thank you. And while I'm flattered by your generosity, you keep it. I insist. I would hate for the two of you to become any more separated than you already are.
I should have known the whole hand wouldn't go willingly. No, you're right, I don't think it's going to come off. I am comforted that it's your favorite finger; I can't stand having anything but the best. Still, is there a bathroom I could use? I don't know how far my father is willing to go for a . . . life lesson, but if there is a conference here, I should get changed.
Not that I don't appreciate the offer, but I did bring my own clothing. Besides, purple-and-green spandex isn't really my style.
. . . Armani. Really? Tell me more.
Poll Vote!
Character: Axel / Akutare
Series: Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Age: 2188 (21 in human years)
Canon: Disgaea 2 is the game where you fight pirate chickens to get pieces of a mysterious map, talking chest pimples spout obscenities, a frog with a French accent has a perverted split-personality, and demonic penguins explode when thrown.
And, of course, there's Akutare (Axel in the North American release), the self-proclaimed Dark Hero and eternal rival!!!!111 of the main character, Adell. Akutare is the token haughty headbanger with freakish eyebrows and a penchant for wearing his shirt open and flashing his nipples while he rocks out on his guitar. Unfortunately, Akutare really fails at just about everything he does: Being a rockstar, being a decent mid-boss, even being not horrendously annoying to anyone whose presence he is in for more than five seconds. Despite these facts, Akutare is still convinced that one day the spotlight will shine on him again and that his hardcore fans are just waiting for his revival into stardom. Until then, he'll just have to get used to hosting low-budget travel shows and getting beaten up by the protagonist every other chapter.
But he's totally ready to make a comeback any day now. Really.
Sample Post:
Whoa! H-heh, hey, calm down there. I know I'm the most irresistible demon since Sean Connery, but you've gotta contain yourselves if you want my autograph that badly. The Dark Hero needs his space so he can properly Rock Your Netherworld™. But I gotta say, Overlord Director, you're pretty smooth to keep my entrance into See Eff You Dee on the lowdown. If the fans were told of my arrival, there'd be chaos! Mass riots! Stampeding hordes! So I totally understand your reasoning behind the decision to only let a small group of the most dedicated of fangirls to see me. Still, I'd feel bad if I didn't do something for them, being my fans and all. Look, they've been waiting here so long their arms are about to fall off from boredom! You'll think you've come back to life, for the second time, ladies, after my fabulous performance, so get ready! Let me just rev up my amp and --
-- oh. You don't want to hear my number one single eighty years running, "The Flames of Night"? It's a deep burning passionate ballad about the ache this burningly passionate Dark Hero feels on stage for being so awesome that the Universe can barely contain his burning. And passion. And burning passion. But that's totally cool, I'm sure you've heard that song three trillion times already; all my loyal fans play my singles on repeat twenty-seven hours out of the day, after all! Tell you what, give me five minutes and I'll sing you all a brand new song, dedicated especially for my devoted fans in See Eff You Dee!
Ooooohhh~
She's got tentacles of love, baby
Yeah yeah tentacles of romance
Her passion's as big as my ego, baby
Don't be scared when you lose your pants
Cuz it's just the way she is
Oh Marcy, baby, you're super-great
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
If they do, you just go ahead and penetra --
Hey! I wasn't finished singing! What do you mean, "she doesn't need any encouragement?" Tentacle monsters are people, too! Well, okay, no they're not but that's besides the point! Look, give me back my guitar, Mr. Tree, she doesn't like being touched that way!
Oh man. How am I gonna wow the fangirls now? Wait, I know. My nipples will fix everything. Beware, Overlord Director, for the Dark Hero and his Buds of Metal are rockin' out!
Poll Vote!
Character: Suzumiya Haruhi
Series: The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
Character Age: about 16
Canon: It's an adventure, right? Right? At least that's the philosophy of one Suzumiya Haruhi. Fed up with her status as just another drop in the ocean of people that is Japan, Haruhi is one school girl who's out to cause a splash. At first glance-and to all those normal people out there, Haruhi she seems aloof, antisocial, tactless, and reclusive. But for anyone who happen to be or to know anything about aliens, time travelers, espers-or for one an unfortunate-but-conveniently-located member of the literature club, well-endowed senpai, and mysterious transfer student-she's quick to reveal that she's full of energy and enthusiasm.
Haruhi is renowned for producing insane off-the-wall endeavors, refusing to take no for an answer, and topping Kyon to the ends of the earth (he likes it, really). She may be the source of auto-evolution, some kind of gut punch to the time-space continuum, or even God, but no one's ever told her that. So there's no need to worry for humanity as long as Suzumiya Haruhi gets her way.
Sample Post:
There's definitely something weird about this place! Summer camp's supposed to be about ghost stories and paranormal investigations with psychotic mass murders on the lose hunting down innocent campers! So just what's all this nonsense about "Welcome Back, Suzumiya Haruhi!" and the gorillas telling me I need spankings for every day I've been gone? Haven't you ever been to summer camp? This isn't the setting for this kind of thing! You're doing it wrong.
As long as I'm here, I might as well show you guys how it's done~ ♥ So you think I've been to this place before, huh? Well, there's only one way to explain all that! Someone's decided to clone me and was using my body for their own nefarious purposes. Or it's a doppelganger! Got it? A doppelganger! Of course they'd want to impersonate me, the chief of the SOS Brigade and Ultra Detective that I am, knowing that I've got faithful forces who'll carry out my every command. But they'd never planned on me showing up to foil their plans!
There's only one thing we can do from here. And no, it's not brains, geez! Don't you get that's why zombie movies are never that scary? You're all so stupid. It's an investigation! But we can't get away with just any normal investigation. It's gotta be Suzumiya Haruhi's Ultimate Search to Find the Perpetrator~! We can call it the S.U.Per. Investigation for short!
So if any of you dull brained idiots know anything about this doppelganger that's been running around impersonating me, you've got to report to me right now! If you can't do anything other than be mindless slobbering idiots you're going to be my mindless slobbering idiots! Tell me everything you know! It's no fair that this doppleganger's been running around a zombie camp with robotic cows, laser flowers, tentacle monsters, aliens, manga characters, and all these girls who have bigger boobs than me! I wanted in on this action too! If she knew enough about me to impersonate me she could've at least given me the invitation when she left!
If I had the real SOS Brigade here they'd do a way better job than you freaks. It's bad enough that Kyon and Yuki disappeared but whatever it was that took them took my Vice-Chief and our mascot! Hmph! Do they think I can run a brigade on my own?! They'll have to come later, though, that's why I need you guys!
From now on, you're all members of the SOS Zombie Brigade! You're responsible for this investigation so you'd better get working! The first one to bring me something about this doppelganger or a tentacle or something gets a promotion. Got it? Now get going!
Poll Vote!
Character: Leo
Series: Fire Candy
Character Age: 16
Canon: In the not-so-distant future, people find themselves facing an unforeseeable problem: the inability to reproduce. As the population shrinks, researchers come up with a viable but controversial option, that of mixing the DNA of humans and animals. Forced to the fringes by fear and mistrust, these so-called "halfs" struggle to integrate successfully into society, and many drop out entirely, turning to drugs and violence. This is the world of Fire Candy, the drug which has formed the deadly undercurrent of fleeting, wasted existence.
Leo's a half who's gotten off the hard stuff (though he still helps his friends find and buy it) and turned to smoking instead. And yeah, he knows that even though he quit the drug he could still blow up in a huge, gooey fireball one day, but he'd rather not think about that too much. Sure, he's got a loud, grandiose streak befitting his tanned skin and golden mane, but this big-talking lion-boy is afraid at heart, afraid of dying and of losing himself and his friends. More of a hapless housecat than the King of the Beasts, Leo wants to get out of the "live fast, die happy" lifestyle. He'd also like to kiss a girl without getting kicked in the crotch right afterwards.
Sample Post:
This seriously cannot be the candy I'm looking for. The sticky note said "ease on down the brick road to the white van, waiting 4 U with candy." No worries, man, leave it to Leo. The mean streets? The wrong side of the tracks? All part of my domain. When I'm not around, the darkness weeps in the... darkness, because it misses me. But uh, this might be some kind of trap, 'cause I'm pretty sure the kind of "candy" my gang needs doesn't come out of a crushed ice machine though the iridescent emerald green color is a good sign. I guess I could siphon the syrup into these cone-shaped paper cups, but I kinda doubt this is street-grade.
And that reminds me, how come I'm the only one here? I don't even do those kinds of drugs anymore! So why am I squeezing off rounds of toxic candy syrup in the convenience store of the damned? I should actually be in class right now. Am I the only one left who cares about an education? Come to think of it, what kind of idiot would go off by himself to a mysterious van in the middle of a zombie camp with only a melon baller for a weapon - aww, man. Don't answer that. Nobody better jump out at me from the trees, okay? Don't think I won't see you, cuz I'm KWIK like Nestle, FOOL.
Huh, I wonder what would happen if I drank an entire paper cup of just the syrup. W-would I become like a god? No, no, that's just peer pressure talking, Leo, I'm just gonna smoke a cigarette instead- what was that?! Is anybody here? HELLO? Crap, two guys coming out of the bushes, probably hankering for brains - Wow. Okay, I thought the kid in the hostel at home whose mom is a mollusk was messed-up looking, but at least he didn't have metallic silver skin, just a pierced septum and a penchant for buggery. And I seriously can't tell if the other guy is wearing a ski mask or not. DOES ANYBODY ELSE SEE THE STRAW MAN? Am I getting a buzz from syrup fumes here? I'm thinking this is a most excellent time to bail. It's been real, kiddies, but -
They want me to link arms with them and skip. And I really don't know if the Tin Man has a gun pressed to my back or what but he's currently wearing my melon baller and... I'M NOT GONNA ASK, OKAY. Also, these are tears of manly rage.
If ever a wonderful wiz there wuz... Guys? Hey, guys? I hear this syrup stuff is great for brains and hearts - and n-nerves!
Poll Vote!
Character: Sano "Aeon Clock" Yasuyoshi
Series: Air Gear
Character Age: 19-20
Canon: Air Gear is about gang battles fought using rollerblades powered by motors of nonsensical extreme shounen abilities. Our Hero Minami "Ikki" Itsuki discovers this wonderful world of Air-Treck (A-T) and finds out that he is NO NORMAL BOY, but actually has the abilities to be one of the elite riders, harnessing the power of the wind. Now he's got a cool title, fancy wheels that grow wings, and a massive gang that wants him for their leader. What's a punk to do?
Sano Yasuyoshi, better known as Aeon Clock in the A-T circuit, is one of Ikki's allies from said massive gang. He becomes Kogarasumaru's advisor and unofficial babysitter, and does a remarkable job keeping watch over them. In fact, he takes his role so seriously that he doesn't think twice about committing illegal activities in doing so. Although his initial impression shows a sophisticated, calm, tactical and very analytical person, you find out that most of this is a horrible lie. It's hard to believe he's an upstanding citizen when he's trying to drug Ikki in his bedchambers in order to have his way with him, pants already off and sex toys out. Not to mention his penchant for ridiculous poses and interpretive dance moves atop high buildings to show off his 'style'. Despite all that, he's an insanely powerful A-T rider who manipulates time and pretty much fuck your SHIT UP while wearing a pink shirt with hearts all over them. Suffice to say, he's definitely someone you want on your side, even if you might get raped a little bit.
Sample Post:
This is very strange indeed. I knew there had to be a problem when all four tracking devices and the two listening bugs I had placed on Ikki-sama's body all suddenly stopped transmitting - not to mention the fact that the men I had sent to trail him lost sight of their target shortly afterwards. If anything should happen to you, Ikki-sama, there will be many people who will be displeased. No measure is too drastic for ensuring the safety and well-being of the future Wind King, and it's only a shame that I am unable to procure the company helicopter for reconnaissance. One can only see so much standing atop these loudspeakers.
Patrons of Camp Fuck You Die, you are in the presence of Sano Yasuyoshi, the Aeon Clock. I am looking for several members of Kogarasumaru; perhaps you know of them, seeing as their presence is not something to be missed. The Wind King Ikki-sama, the Fang King Akito-sama, and Errand Boy #5 Kazu-kun. They're been skipping out on some very important duties and I've come to collect them. Should you assist me in locating these characters, I would gladly lend my expertise to the population.
In what, you ask? I've been carefully reviewing reconnaissance footage regarding this place from an unnamed source, and I've noticed that in regards to romantic entanglements you all plainly enjoy, the majority of you favor a bold approach, consisting of jostling your lover against the closest wall or clubbing them over the head. Your methods are poorly planned, show a low success rate, and can hardly be counted as effective means of "getting some". Fortunately for you, I've had prior experience in evolving this approach, and have learned to tip the scales to my advantage. All I ask is the recovery of three young men and I would be more than happy to share. Is that a deal? If you're not convinced, then perhaps listen to but a taste of what I can offer you.
First of all, choose your location more carefully. Public places are discouraged; the more isolated the better, as not only will it set the mood, it will offer less chance of escape should the night turn sour. Secondly a small token of your affection, like a gift, will likely make them more receptive to your charms. The traditional box of candy is appropriate if you're going the gentle route. If you feel that won't get the job done, I've found the most effective option is a dazzling bouquet of red roses amidst baby's breath, dipped carefully in a dilution of trichloromethane, better known as chloroform. Nothing says "I want to ravish you amidst the silk sheets" than gently laying your partner on them after they've fallen into your waiting arms.
I hear that the camp even has a few resources you can take advantage of, such as powerful mistletoe. Does anyone know where I might obtain a sample? I have further advice on how to tell when no implies yes, but I won't disclose those researched secrets until your end of the bargain has been held up. Are there any questions before you do so?
What do you mean, "it's against the rules?" ... Well, not that I've let it stop me before.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed~
Character: Alexander "Lex" Luthor
Series: Smallville
Character Age: 20-21 (taken from the end of season one)
Canon: Smallville is the touching story of young Clark Kent and his adventures in a town where kryptonite regularly turns its inhabitants into horrible B-movie freaks. It's hard out here for a future Superman.
Of course, what would a future Superman be without an ambiguously gay future nemesis? Enter Lex Luthor, Clark's best friend and the ultimate billionaire playboy. Lex is smooth, charming, intelligent, and ruthless, although he's a little bad at genuine human feelings. He's got a dirty past, a dead mother, and a serious problem with people trying to blackmail him. Lex is a believer in doing unto others before they can do unto him, and even as he tries to curb this and be a good person, he finds himself resorting to less than ethical means to solve his problems.
Never helping with any of these issues is his father, Lionel Luthor, who doesn't understand the concept of familial love, but does understand the concept of making his son's life as miserable as possible--for his own, good, of course. He probably brushes his long, luxurious hair right in front of Lex's eyes every chance he gets. That's just how he is.
At the end of the day, Lex believes he can be a better man. Of course, the rest of the western world knows differently.
Sample Post:
Might as well get this over with.
Excuse me, sir. I'd like to apologize for earlier. I'm Lex Luthor. Oh, you've heard of me? I shouldn't be surprised. But you shouldn't believe everything you read in the tabloids; they have a bad habit of exaggerating. My father sent me here, he claimed, to attend, what was it...the Louisiana Conference For Uninspired Dropouts. He seemed unconcerned by my pointing out that I am nothing if not inspired. Of course, I wasn't given any choice in the matter to begin with, and I could certainly think of worse ways to spend a weekend.
But needless to say, a deserted swamp wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I don't want you to think that I was discriminating; I know my initial reaction left something to be desired. I just hadn't known that there were still leper colonies in the continental United States. I'm sure my father would be thrilled to know that I'm learning. I'm also very glad you think we've bonded, although I wouldn't have presumed to put my hair loss on the level of your skin-and-limb loss if you hadn't brought it up first. Still, I don't think the solution is for us to become "special friends," and I'm going to have to ask you to remove your hand.
. . . Thank you. And while I'm flattered by your generosity, you keep it. I insist. I would hate for the two of you to become any more separated than you already are.
I should have known the whole hand wouldn't go willingly. No, you're right, I don't think it's going to come off. I am comforted that it's your favorite finger; I can't stand having anything but the best. Still, is there a bathroom I could use? I don't know how far my father is willing to go for a . . . life lesson, but if there is a conference here, I should get changed.
Not that I don't appreciate the offer, but I did bring my own clothing. Besides, purple-and-green spandex isn't really my style.
. . . Armani. Really? Tell me more.
Poll Vote!
Character: Axel / Akutare
Series: Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Age: 2188 (21 in human years)
Canon: Disgaea 2 is the game where you fight pirate chickens to get pieces of a mysterious map, talking chest pimples spout obscenities, a frog with a French accent has a perverted split-personality, and demonic penguins explode when thrown.
And, of course, there's Akutare (Axel in the North American release), the self-proclaimed Dark Hero and eternal rival!!!!111 of the main character, Adell. Akutare is the token haughty headbanger with freakish eyebrows and a penchant for wearing his shirt open and flashing his nipples while he rocks out on his guitar. Unfortunately, Akutare really fails at just about everything he does: Being a rockstar, being a decent mid-boss, even being not horrendously annoying to anyone whose presence he is in for more than five seconds. Despite these facts, Akutare is still convinced that one day the spotlight will shine on him again and that his hardcore fans are just waiting for his revival into stardom. Until then, he'll just have to get used to hosting low-budget travel shows and getting beaten up by the protagonist every other chapter.
But he's totally ready to make a comeback any day now. Really.
Sample Post:
Whoa! H-heh, hey, calm down there. I know I'm the most irresistible demon since Sean Connery, but you've gotta contain yourselves if you want my autograph that badly. The Dark Hero needs his space so he can properly Rock Your Netherworld™. But I gotta say, Overlord Director, you're pretty smooth to keep my entrance into See Eff You Dee on the lowdown. If the fans were told of my arrival, there'd be chaos! Mass riots! Stampeding hordes! So I totally understand your reasoning behind the decision to only let a small group of the most dedicated of fangirls to see me. Still, I'd feel bad if I didn't do something for them, being my fans and all. Look, they've been waiting here so long their arms are about to fall off from boredom! You'll think you've come back to life, for the second time, ladies, after my fabulous performance, so get ready! Let me just rev up my amp and --
-- oh. You don't want to hear my number one single eighty years running, "The Flames of Night"? It's a deep burning passionate ballad about the ache this burningly passionate Dark Hero feels on stage for being so awesome that the Universe can barely contain his burning. And passion. And burning passion. But that's totally cool, I'm sure you've heard that song three trillion times already; all my loyal fans play my singles on repeat twenty-seven hours out of the day, after all! Tell you what, give me five minutes and I'll sing you all a brand new song, dedicated especially for my devoted fans in See Eff You Dee!
Ooooohhh~
She's got tentacles of love, baby
Yeah yeah tentacles of romance
Her passion's as big as my ego, baby
Don't be scared when you lose your pants
Cuz it's just the way she is
Oh Marcy, baby, you're super-great
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
If they do, you just go ahead and penetra --
Hey! I wasn't finished singing! What do you mean, "she doesn't need any encouragement?" Tentacle monsters are people, too! Well, okay, no they're not but that's besides the point! Look, give me back my guitar, Mr. Tree, she doesn't like being touched that way!
Oh man. How am I gonna wow the fangirls now? Wait, I know. My nipples will fix everything. Beware, Overlord Director, for the Dark Hero and his Buds of Metal are rockin' out!
Poll Vote!
Character: Suzumiya Haruhi
Series: The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
Character Age: about 16
Canon: It's an adventure, right? Right? At least that's the philosophy of one Suzumiya Haruhi. Fed up with her status as just another drop in the ocean of people that is Japan, Haruhi is one school girl who's out to cause a splash. At first glance-and to all those normal people out there, Haruhi she seems aloof, antisocial, tactless, and reclusive. But for anyone who happen to be or to know anything about aliens, time travelers, espers-or for one an unfortunate-but-conveniently-located member of the literature club, well-endowed senpai, and mysterious transfer student-she's quick to reveal that she's full of energy and enthusiasm.
Haruhi is renowned for producing insane off-the-wall endeavors, refusing to take no for an answer, and topping Kyon to the ends of the earth (he likes it, really). She may be the source of auto-evolution, some kind of gut punch to the time-space continuum, or even God, but no one's ever told her that. So there's no need to worry for humanity as long as Suzumiya Haruhi gets her way.
Sample Post:
There's definitely something weird about this place! Summer camp's supposed to be about ghost stories and paranormal investigations with psychotic mass murders on the lose hunting down innocent campers! So just what's all this nonsense about "Welcome Back, Suzumiya Haruhi!" and the gorillas telling me I need spankings for every day I've been gone? Haven't you ever been to summer camp? This isn't the setting for this kind of thing! You're doing it wrong.
As long as I'm here, I might as well show you guys how it's done~ ♥ So you think I've been to this place before, huh? Well, there's only one way to explain all that! Someone's decided to clone me and was using my body for their own nefarious purposes. Or it's a doppelganger! Got it? A doppelganger! Of course they'd want to impersonate me, the chief of the SOS Brigade and Ultra Detective that I am, knowing that I've got faithful forces who'll carry out my every command. But they'd never planned on me showing up to foil their plans!
There's only one thing we can do from here. And no, it's not brains, geez! Don't you get that's why zombie movies are never that scary? You're all so stupid. It's an investigation! But we can't get away with just any normal investigation. It's gotta be Suzumiya Haruhi's Ultimate Search to Find the Perpetrator~! We can call it the S.U.Per. Investigation for short!
So if any of you dull brained idiots know anything about this doppelganger that's been running around impersonating me, you've got to report to me right now! If you can't do anything other than be mindless slobbering idiots you're going to be my mindless slobbering idiots! Tell me everything you know! It's no fair that this doppleganger's been running around a zombie camp with robotic cows, laser flowers, tentacle monsters, aliens, manga characters, and all these girls who have bigger boobs than me! I wanted in on this action too! If she knew enough about me to impersonate me she could've at least given me the invitation when she left!
If I had the real SOS Brigade here they'd do a way better job than you freaks. It's bad enough that Kyon and Yuki disappeared but whatever it was that took them took my Vice-Chief and our mascot! Hmph! Do they think I can run a brigade on my own?! They'll have to come later, though, that's why I need you guys!
From now on, you're all members of the SOS Zombie Brigade! You're responsible for this investigation so you'd better get working! The first one to bring me something about this doppelganger or a tentacle or something gets a promotion. Got it? Now get going!
Poll Vote!
Character: Leo
Series: Fire Candy
Character Age: 16
Canon: In the not-so-distant future, people find themselves facing an unforeseeable problem: the inability to reproduce. As the population shrinks, researchers come up with a viable but controversial option, that of mixing the DNA of humans and animals. Forced to the fringes by fear and mistrust, these so-called "halfs" struggle to integrate successfully into society, and many drop out entirely, turning to drugs and violence. This is the world of Fire Candy, the drug which has formed the deadly undercurrent of fleeting, wasted existence.
Leo's a half who's gotten off the hard stuff (though he still helps his friends find and buy it) and turned to smoking instead. And yeah, he knows that even though he quit the drug he could still blow up in a huge, gooey fireball one day, but he'd rather not think about that too much. Sure, he's got a loud, grandiose streak befitting his tanned skin and golden mane, but this big-talking lion-boy is afraid at heart, afraid of dying and of losing himself and his friends. More of a hapless housecat than the King of the Beasts, Leo wants to get out of the "live fast, die happy" lifestyle. He'd also like to kiss a girl without getting kicked in the crotch right afterwards.
Sample Post:
This seriously cannot be the candy I'm looking for. The sticky note said "ease on down the brick road to the white van, waiting 4 U with candy." No worries, man, leave it to Leo. The mean streets? The wrong side of the tracks? All part of my domain. When I'm not around, the darkness weeps in the... darkness, because it misses me. But uh, this might be some kind of trap, 'cause I'm pretty sure the kind of "candy" my gang needs doesn't come out of a crushed ice machine though the iridescent emerald green color is a good sign. I guess I could siphon the syrup into these cone-shaped paper cups, but I kinda doubt this is street-grade.
And that reminds me, how come I'm the only one here? I don't even do those kinds of drugs anymore! So why am I squeezing off rounds of toxic candy syrup in the convenience store of the damned? I should actually be in class right now. Am I the only one left who cares about an education? Come to think of it, what kind of idiot would go off by himself to a mysterious van in the middle of a zombie camp with only a melon baller for a weapon - aww, man. Don't answer that. Nobody better jump out at me from the trees, okay? Don't think I won't see you, cuz I'm KWIK like Nestle, FOOL.
Huh, I wonder what would happen if I drank an entire paper cup of just the syrup. W-would I become like a god? No, no, that's just peer pressure talking, Leo, I'm just gonna smoke a cigarette instead- what was that?! Is anybody here? HELLO? Crap, two guys coming out of the bushes, probably hankering for brains - Wow. Okay, I thought the kid in the hostel at home whose mom is a mollusk was messed-up looking, but at least he didn't have metallic silver skin, just a pierced septum and a penchant for buggery. And I seriously can't tell if the other guy is wearing a ski mask or not. DOES ANYBODY ELSE SEE THE STRAW MAN? Am I getting a buzz from syrup fumes here? I'm thinking this is a most excellent time to bail. It's been real, kiddies, but -
They want me to link arms with them and skip. And I really don't know if the Tin Man has a gun pressed to my back or what but he's currently wearing my melon baller and... I'M NOT GONNA ASK, OKAY. Also, these are tears of manly rage.
If ever a wonderful wiz there wuz... Guys? Hey, guys? I hear this syrup stuff is great for brains and hearts - and n-nerves!
Poll Vote!
Character: Sano "Aeon Clock" Yasuyoshi
Series: Air Gear
Character Age: 19-20
Canon: Air Gear is about gang battles fought using rollerblades powered by motors of nonsensical extreme shounen abilities. Our Hero Minami "Ikki" Itsuki discovers this wonderful world of Air-Treck (A-T) and finds out that he is NO NORMAL BOY, but actually has the abilities to be one of the elite riders, harnessing the power of the wind. Now he's got a cool title, fancy wheels that grow wings, and a massive gang that wants him for their leader. What's a punk to do?
Sano Yasuyoshi, better known as Aeon Clock in the A-T circuit, is one of Ikki's allies from said massive gang. He becomes Kogarasumaru's advisor and unofficial babysitter, and does a remarkable job keeping watch over them. In fact, he takes his role so seriously that he doesn't think twice about committing illegal activities in doing so. Although his initial impression shows a sophisticated, calm, tactical and very analytical person, you find out that most of this is a horrible lie. It's hard to believe he's an upstanding citizen when he's trying to drug Ikki in his bedchambers in order to have his way with him, pants already off and sex toys out. Not to mention his penchant for ridiculous poses and interpretive dance moves atop high buildings to show off his 'style'. Despite all that, he's an insanely powerful A-T rider who manipulates time and pretty much fuck your SHIT UP while wearing a pink shirt with hearts all over them. Suffice to say, he's definitely someone you want on your side, even if you might get raped a little bit.
Sample Post:
This is very strange indeed. I knew there had to be a problem when all four tracking devices and the two listening bugs I had placed on Ikki-sama's body all suddenly stopped transmitting - not to mention the fact that the men I had sent to trail him lost sight of their target shortly afterwards. If anything should happen to you, Ikki-sama, there will be many people who will be displeased. No measure is too drastic for ensuring the safety and well-being of the future Wind King, and it's only a shame that I am unable to procure the company helicopter for reconnaissance. One can only see so much standing atop these loudspeakers.
Patrons of Camp Fuck You Die, you are in the presence of Sano Yasuyoshi, the Aeon Clock. I am looking for several members of Kogarasumaru; perhaps you know of them, seeing as their presence is not something to be missed. The Wind King Ikki-sama, the Fang King Akito-sama, and Errand Boy #5 Kazu-kun. They're been skipping out on some very important duties and I've come to collect them. Should you assist me in locating these characters, I would gladly lend my expertise to the population.
In what, you ask? I've been carefully reviewing reconnaissance footage regarding this place from an unnamed source, and I've noticed that in regards to romantic entanglements you all plainly enjoy, the majority of you favor a bold approach, consisting of jostling your lover against the closest wall or clubbing them over the head. Your methods are poorly planned, show a low success rate, and can hardly be counted as effective means of "getting some". Fortunately for you, I've had prior experience in evolving this approach, and have learned to tip the scales to my advantage. All I ask is the recovery of three young men and I would be more than happy to share. Is that a deal? If you're not convinced, then perhaps listen to but a taste of what I can offer you.
First of all, choose your location more carefully. Public places are discouraged; the more isolated the better, as not only will it set the mood, it will offer less chance of escape should the night turn sour. Secondly a small token of your affection, like a gift, will likely make them more receptive to your charms. The traditional box of candy is appropriate if you're going the gentle route. If you feel that won't get the job done, I've found the most effective option is a dazzling bouquet of red roses amidst baby's breath, dipped carefully in a dilution of trichloromethane, better known as chloroform. Nothing says "I want to ravish you amidst the silk sheets" than gently laying your partner on them after they've fallen into your waiting arms.
I hear that the camp even has a few resources you can take advantage of, such as powerful mistletoe. Does anyone know where I might obtain a sample? I have further advice on how to tell when no implies yes, but I won't disclose those researched secrets until your end of the bargain has been held up. Are there any questions before you do so?
What do you mean, "it's against the rules?" ... Well, not that I've let it stop me before.
Poll Vote!