(no subject)
By popular demand, here's the next batch of apps!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closeddd
Character: Ryomou Shimei
Series: Ikki Tousen (Battle Vixens)
Age: 17ish
Canon: Once upon a time in the far-far-away land known as "China," three ancient kingdoms went to war. Fast forward 1800 years and you'll find that the same warriors (known better as "Toushi") are still involved in some high-octane showdowns. Now that they've been reincarnated in modern-day Japan, of course, it's safe to assume that not all things have stayed the same. Many major changes have gone under way---the styles, the battles, the bust sizes, all that good stuff.
Ryomou Shimei (Japanese for Lü Meng Zhiming) is no exception to change. She is a fairly calm, laid-back and cold girl on the outside, with an unfortunate tendency to get upset over the little things. Even though she is a top-ranked Toushi, she still has her ups and downs, due mostly to her school's previous and current leaders---one was a coward and one is an idiot; picking a role model is hard. Her MPD (multiple-personality disorder) doesn't help. When fighting, Ryomou becomes a complete psychosexual who enjoys things like paralyzing and strangling her opponents just for fun.
Sample app:
You really couldn't go any further out of your way to make a girl feel less at home, huh?
To think, I wasn't even completely sure of that until a few minutes ago. I even spent the better part of an hour trying to get around this trash-heap. What a waste of time. You really might wanna work on your welcome a bit. It blows. Then again, maybe you've got a running theme going---but I'm not convinced that "stupid" counts as a theme. I guess it's not really a crime though, so you're all free to go, was that the deal? Whatever.
Anyway, these fliers? I don't appreciate having them thrown at my face. And to top it all off, they're stupid. Whoever reads them is stupid. I don't even want to know about anyone who could possibly take this seriously. Look at this---"Burn Calories Faster; Set Yourself On Fire!" That's. . . not how it works. I can't think of anything I'd want to happen less. Not even "The Rainbow Connection: Finding Love In Your Own Locker-Room." Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not interested. The worst one's still probably this garbage here---"Explain Your N.I.P.P.L.E.S."
So sue me if I don't feel the need to share with the class if I have a "Need for Immediate Panty rePlacement Lest Everyone See." It's just the opposite. Like hell am I going to make that public! What is it they say, that gossip is for the birds? And if that one with the giant beak can't shut up about me bringing out the dishes so I can get served, I will kill it. It won't suffer. Probably.
Too bad I can't promise the same thing for your friend in the monkey suit over there. Think I won't break you, is that it? Try me. Yeah, I bet you'd like that. You would, wouldn't you? Too bad. Get a straw and suck it up for all I care. You and everything else near that lake just aren't worth it. Like I need anything from anyone camping out next to a giant wannabe night-light, but definitely not from you.
No, idiot, I'm not interested in anything you have to say about clear-cutting your bush. Or multiple bushes either, for that matter. . . . I said quit it already. Or do you wanna play a little rough? That's fine. Here, let me show you how that's done. Can you say "brain stem trauma," boys and girls?
Thaaat's it. I knew you could. So since you like the damn wood so much, how about I show you a little lumberjacks' treevenge, huh? Let's see who pops who first.
Poll Vote!
Character: Agrias Oaks
Series: Final Fantasy Tactics
Character Age: 21
Canon: Ivalice is a medieval land mired in a civil war between Duke Larg of the Northern Heaven Knights, and Duke Goltana. This war has everyone plotting against everyone else, using at least five different flavors of backstabbing (and the occasional demonic possession). Defying this trend is Agrias, a knight captain of the royal guard assigned to the Princess Ovelia in the remote Orbonne Monastery.
Agrias is your classic chivalric knight, complete with a concern for honor, obsessive observation of formalities, the occasional bout of righteous indignation/temper, and even a vow of duty to rescue the princess from her kidnappers. Of course, this knight in shining armor also happens to be a strong and intelligent woman who still ultimately fails in her duty as previously stated princess' bodyguard. But she makes a good fight of it, armed with a following of her own female knights and her ability to semi-accurately assess the shifting of alliances within Ivalice's volatile political climate. The main problem is that she never seems to have all the facts when she makes her assessments. Despite her apparent intelligence and nobility, when things get tough, she starts taking things at face value, and when things really don't go her way, her polished etiquette falls apart pretty quickly.
NOTE: Since the official translation of FFT to date is of fairly unsatisfactory quality, Agrias' voice is being based on a more suitable translation such as the one here. This translation's more elaborate voice better reflects the formal manner of speaking that a knight of the Royal Family such as Agrias would use.
Sample Post:
It's likely I have already lingered here too long...but when a knight is given lodging, he will find himself compelled to repay his host for the courtesies he has received. Leaving now would be spitting upon the Lady Director's hospitality, though I've not yet had the distinct honor of meeting with her. But her reputation speaks well enough for her; a fine woman, the Lady denies herself to opportunity to grieve the loss of her betrothed. She instead stands strong as the ever-vigilant caretaker of this unfortunate encampment, burdened as it is by the misfortune of having been established in the remote regions of a dismal swamp. Despite both location and the continued grief of her loss, the Lady has such a fine care for hospitality that with her own hand she's not only established order for her guests, but also fashioned this wretched place into the happiest place on earth. This is what I have heard.
Yet none know where she is or how one may contact her. For such a high lady to go missing is troubling. Without a lord or lady, the people of these lands will surely turn against each other. Already the Northern Gangrene Zombies have assembled, and shortly will being moving on the Southern Guerilla Gorillas. There seems to be little provocation for this action. However...I've heard much of the Gangrene's loyalty for their lady. They greatly revere her brains, which is only right...the common people should respect the intelligence of their lord. Further, the leader of the honorless Guerillas is the one called "Donkey" Kong. I believe he received the moniker "Donkey" for the massive number of donkeys he used to keep himself supplied with barrels in battle. Kong is known for amusing himself with the kidnap of women of high status--such as the Lady Director--just as much as he is known for his signature rivalry with squat men called "plumbers."
I've no choice but to conclude that this means the Lady has become Kong's latest victim, and as this is surely the case, I vow that by my power the lady who has been so hospitable to me shall be rescued. I shall join the Gangrene in their campaign and see it through to the very last. I understand that first, they plan to surprise the Guerillas by viciously handing out of flyers, followed by a ruthless petitioning. The campaign will culminate with the Gangrene marching against the Guerilla's main base, bearing signs with such demands as... "Two leaders' brains and a supersized bottle of embalming fluid to go?"
...While undermining enemy moral is a valid tactic in warfare, I fear that these tactics will not send quite the right message about our cause.
Poll Vote!
Character: Czeslaw Meyer
Series: Baccano!
Character Age: Eternally 12
Canon: Baccano! is a series of 'light novels', a manga and an anime. The title roughly translates to 'loud noise' or more popularly 'stupid commotion' - an apt name for the series. The anime focuses on what happens when you take the Camorra mafia family, a pair of impressively stupid robbers, a group of thugs and various immortals and put them on a train called the Flying Pussyfoot. Tied up in this part-mafia, part fantastical-vampire story set in the 1930s Prohibition era is a lot of confusion and some adorable kids, one of whom is Czeslaw Meyer.
Czes is one of the series' immortals -- never aging and unable to be killed by violence, also known as +10 regeneration. Despite his long age he doesn't show it, and fools everyone into thinking he's adorable and innocent. His behavior usually reflects his appearance: a good kid, wide eyed, easily impressed and playful. A shot to the head and he'll drop his façade, letting out a much more serious and melancholy personality. Introduced as a 'cursed child' Czes is more than capable of luring a psychotic killer to try and talk him into murdering everyone on the train, all while still being damned cute.
Sample App:
Hey, hey, Mister! That was really, really cool. That thing you did, picking up all those people with one arm. You must be su~per strong! I didn't think you would be because you're purple (and that's not very manly), so I was surprised! Are you going to kill them? You're holding them so tightly and they're screaming for you to stop. That's more than a little friendly, ne~?
Instead of killing them why don't you help me out? I can make it worth your time, I promise. I'm lost and just want to go home to see my mother; she lives in New York, do you know how to get there? She's super nice and really pretty and if you help me out I'm sure she'll make you cookies or something. Or pay you. We can pay you a lot of money. Just help me get out and I promise we can reward you. So, what do you say?
Ah! Don't use such a mean voice! You don't need to threaten me, I'll ask someone else. But you should know that you're being awfully mean, because I don't like it here. It's scary, really, really scary. Even your cows are scary. One just went by, 'vroooom' like that. Cows aren't supposed to move that fast, it was almost like a train! D-don't push me, mister, I'll get run ove--.
…
That hurt. You're such a worthless guy, I can't use you at all. Why did you do that, anyway? It's not like you can frighten me into doing something, even if you show me all these dead people. I know what dead people are like. They smell bad and rot, just like these. You know, I was lying before, about this place being really scary. It's not at all, and since you're no help at all I'll just get someone else to do it. Someone useful.
Ah~ hey, mister! That was really cool, the way you chased those people down, you must be really fast. Not only that but you look really kind, want to help me get home? Pleeeaase? Wait, w-what? Don't come closer! I… I don't know where the shouta is.
I-if I play dead the bear will go away… right?
Poll Vote!
Character: Basilicum (Basil)
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Character Age: 14
Canon: When trying to describe Reborn, it would be easy to get lost among all the baby hitmen, the middle school-aged mafia, and the hilarious hijinks. That would be missing the true essence of Reborn, which is: a mafia harem series.
Wait, no! That's not what I wanted to say at all.
What Reborn actually is is the story of young Sawada Tsunayoshi, who, through a series of misadventures, gets nonconned into being a mafia boss. And then has more misadventures! And meets a whole colourful cast of characters. And one of these characters is named Basil.
Basil is a friendly, cheerful young man who arrives just in time to help train Tsuna for the upcoming battles. Despite the fact that he's a skilled fighter himself, he's rather naive, and speaks in archiac, super-formal Japanese (often translated as middle english) because he was told that was how everybody in Japan spoke. Basil is sweet, hardworking (...His hobby is doing laundry!) and incredibly loyal.
Sample Post:
I do not deny that a swamp could be a pleasant place for a holiday; however, thy swamp in particular may be less welcoming than the brochure would have one believe. Perhaps if thy forest was less prone to escorting people onto thy premises with constant and rather violent use of vines, they would be more likely to return a second time. Ah, but I had forgotten, thou needst not worry about anyone returning, because of thy barrier. It is a clever strategy, I admit, although I confess I am confused as to why anyone would want to trap others within what the brochure states is 'America's #1 Ultimate Vacation Destination Of Destiny', unless-- I do believe I hear music...?
... So it was a theme song. I am truly flattered that thou wouldst want me for thy... reality... TV show. 'Zombie Eye for the Straight Guy' sounds as though it would be a truly rewarding experience, but I am afraid I must refuse. I mean no offense to thee, for I really do appreciate the offer, and had I more time I would surely do all I could to ensure that thy daytime programming were of appropriate quality. I regret that I also must refuse thy gift of moisturizing and exfoliating cream. A large portion of thy face is falling off, so ah... maybe thou wouldst prefer to keep some of that exfoliation cream for thyself? I am sure that thou wouldst make good and proper use of it, and I hope that thou findst someone else to makeover soon.
Ah, art thou- oh, all those who are considered as candidates for thy program recieve a gift? That is truly generous of thee. I have never had the occasion to read a self-help book until now! "Topping and You: Benefits of Not Being The Bottom"... it is very kind of thee to offer such a thing, though I am not sure of how much use it would be to me, as I have never had occasion to take such advice -- ah, it seems that thou hast laughed so hard thy... head fell off! Perhaps it would be wise of thee to be cautious of such things in the future, if an event such as that is common for thee.
Hast thou gotten everything in order, now? If thy head is back upon thy shoulders, then I believe it may be time for me to leave... I cannot remain here for too long. After all, I must begin to find a way to access the other side of the barrier, and it would be unwise to waste my time, should it prove more difficult than expected. So I bid thee all farewell- ah, thou wishest to 'lend me a hand'? I would not begrudge thy assistance--
Oh. It seems I may have misunderstood thee. No, I would rather that thou keepst thy hand for thyself.
Poll Vote!
Character: Ciel Phantomhive
Series: Kuroshitsuji
Character Age: 12
Canon: Once upon a time, in Victorian London (who knew Victorian London had handheld video games and cell phones?) there lived a young boy named Ciel Phantomhive. He had it all (except parents): wealth, fame, a sexy eyepatch, and the perfect butler. Now he dea-- no, he's actually still alive, despite his tendency to get kidnapped by, oh, everyone around him, from the mafia to roving perverts.
See, Ciel's perfect butler is not just a butler. He's also a demon.
Ciel is a genius used to spending his time with older people; he comes off as very intelligent and a bit condescending, he is capable of being very smooth with the ladies-- but he's also twelve years old and capable of intense brattiness and sullen fits. After all, a twelve year old who's made a contract with a demon is a twelve year old who should always get what he wants.
Sample Post:
Madam Director, your hospitality leaves something to be desired. While I appreciate that I am not tied up and stuck in a cage, your apelike manservants have been less than kind in their choice of outfits. I have no idea why I am being made to parade as a "pretty sparkly pink wai wai pirate-chan," nor do I care: my request is that you treat me as I should be treated or suffer the consequences of my displeasure.
I do realize that perhaps you may not understand what I mean. First of all, I require that you remove this toucan masquerading as a parrot from my shoulder at once. It has done nothing but whisper "sweet nothings" in my ear since I was dressed in this monstrosity. While I do appreciate the bird's lack of creativity, considering the rest of this place, I am beginning to suspect that its repeated attempts to eat my dress are related. I assure you, I am not sweet; if you want it to remain alive to bother another lord,
please disabuse it of this notion.
Second of all, I require my tea on time and served in a professional manner. And I require that it be tea, not this bubbling neon orange substance your teapot is filled with. Unfortunately for whomever sought to poison me with it, I am not that stupid. The way it made my skin turn green when I spilled some was a big hint.
Finally, you must fetch my butler, Sebastian, as the servants in your encampment have no sense of fashion, modesty, good taste, or-- well, perhaps they do have a taste for brains. However, they seem to be low on that attribute themselves. Sebastian is tall and completely human. Human. He does not shed his limbs on the furniture, and he does what he is told. I do not understand how your incompetent servants could have mistaken my request that he be brought here to me as a request for crabs. I do not want your crabs. And I most certainly do not want to kiss any girls!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kinon Bachika
Series: Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann
Character Age: About 20-21? lol, Gainax
Canon: Once upon a time, the Helix King forced humans underground and created an army of beastmen to enforce his regime. Naturally, that wasn't going to last--humans escaped to the surface and banded together as the Great Gurren Brigade, overcoming all odds, claiming victory and founding a new world order governing humans and beastmen alike. It just goes to show that all you really need to do is believe in yourself, go beyond the impossible, and kick reason to the curb!!
...Or that's how most of the characters feel. And then there are characters like Kinon. Far from the reckless ideal of the others, she's one of the diehard supporters of Rossiu and his logical approach to governing the new capital, Kamina City. In fact, she's such a loyalist to order that she'll go to such extremes as volunteering herself as a human bomb to make sure a convicted criminal doesn't escape--even if she's not really a combatant, you don't want to make her mad. But to be honest, underneath her expressionless and glasses-flash-prone demeanor is a kind girl who's just working for the good of the people... and who really has the hots for her superior.
Sample Post:
Good day, citizens of Camp Fuck You Die. My name is Kinon, and I am a representative of the central government at Kamina City. Please do not be alarmed at my arrival; I will be in and out quickly and peacefully, and I have no intention of removing you from your home. I am not here to judge your choice of residence.
Instead, I am here to address your concerns. We've been receiving some of your complaints, and I'm here to help sort things out. We have already processed requests for sugar, alcohol, and tampons, and we are working past some technical difficulties to deliver them as soon as possible. As we were told, we have sent several packages addressed to CFUD, c/o Marcy, but we have heard reports that the supplies were not received and we can only assume that they were lost in the mail. Aside from that, however, I... am afraid sexual relations are not in our power to give. I can't imagine the horrors that would do to our reputation. Ah, are there any further problems that must be addressed?
...Sir, it is really no matter of the government whether or not your friend is canine. In fact, if you have a problem with his race, you are likely not a very good friend at all; though he may be a different species, surely he is still capable of being a man's best friend. --Oh, a virus, is it? That's much more serious! Since this is an unfamiliar disease, I'm afraid he will have to be quarantined, along with any other victims. Sir, please--this is for his health, and all of ours as well. Just think, if this becomes an epidemic, everyone will want to know just who let the dogs out. I will not let the answer become the government!
Wait, miss, you're a dog too? And here's a cat! Oh no, it might be too late! It's already become an epidemic! I'm afraid this calls for drastic measures. This camp in its entirety will have to be quarantined! Exiting and entering freely is now strictly forbidden, and attempts to cross the border without permission will be punished!
Hmm? Yes, of course I've just arrived here. Why do you ask?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closeddd
Character: Ryomou Shimei
Series: Ikki Tousen (Battle Vixens)
Age: 17ish
Canon: Once upon a time in the far-far-away land known as "China," three ancient kingdoms went to war. Fast forward 1800 years and you'll find that the same warriors (known better as "Toushi") are still involved in some high-octane showdowns. Now that they've been reincarnated in modern-day Japan, of course, it's safe to assume that not all things have stayed the same. Many major changes have gone under way---the styles, the battles, the bust sizes, all that good stuff.
Ryomou Shimei (Japanese for Lü Meng Zhiming) is no exception to change. She is a fairly calm, laid-back and cold girl on the outside, with an unfortunate tendency to get upset over the little things. Even though she is a top-ranked Toushi, she still has her ups and downs, due mostly to her school's previous and current leaders---one was a coward and one is an idiot; picking a role model is hard. Her MPD (multiple-personality disorder) doesn't help. When fighting, Ryomou becomes a complete psychosexual who enjoys things like paralyzing and strangling her opponents just for fun.
Sample app:
You really couldn't go any further out of your way to make a girl feel less at home, huh?
To think, I wasn't even completely sure of that until a few minutes ago. I even spent the better part of an hour trying to get around this trash-heap. What a waste of time. You really might wanna work on your welcome a bit. It blows. Then again, maybe you've got a running theme going---but I'm not convinced that "stupid" counts as a theme. I guess it's not really a crime though, so you're all free to go, was that the deal? Whatever.
Anyway, these fliers? I don't appreciate having them thrown at my face. And to top it all off, they're stupid. Whoever reads them is stupid. I don't even want to know about anyone who could possibly take this seriously. Look at this---"Burn Calories Faster; Set Yourself On Fire!" That's. . . not how it works. I can't think of anything I'd want to happen less. Not even "The Rainbow Connection: Finding Love In Your Own Locker-Room." Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not interested. The worst one's still probably this garbage here---"Explain Your N.I.P.P.L.E.S."
So sue me if I don't feel the need to share with the class if I have a "Need for Immediate Panty rePlacement Lest Everyone See." It's just the opposite. Like hell am I going to make that public! What is it they say, that gossip is for the birds? And if that one with the giant beak can't shut up about me bringing out the dishes so I can get served, I will kill it. It won't suffer. Probably.
Too bad I can't promise the same thing for your friend in the monkey suit over there. Think I won't break you, is that it? Try me. Yeah, I bet you'd like that. You would, wouldn't you? Too bad. Get a straw and suck it up for all I care. You and everything else near that lake just aren't worth it. Like I need anything from anyone camping out next to a giant wannabe night-light, but definitely not from you.
No, idiot, I'm not interested in anything you have to say about clear-cutting your bush. Or multiple bushes either, for that matter. . . . I said quit it already. Or do you wanna play a little rough? That's fine. Here, let me show you how that's done. Can you say "brain stem trauma," boys and girls?
Thaaat's it. I knew you could. So since you like the damn wood so much, how about I show you a little lumberjacks' treevenge, huh? Let's see who pops who first.
Poll Vote!
Character: Agrias Oaks
Series: Final Fantasy Tactics
Character Age: 21
Canon: Ivalice is a medieval land mired in a civil war between Duke Larg of the Northern Heaven Knights, and Duke Goltana. This war has everyone plotting against everyone else, using at least five different flavors of backstabbing (and the occasional demonic possession). Defying this trend is Agrias, a knight captain of the royal guard assigned to the Princess Ovelia in the remote Orbonne Monastery.
Agrias is your classic chivalric knight, complete with a concern for honor, obsessive observation of formalities, the occasional bout of righteous indignation/temper, and even a vow of duty to rescue the princess from her kidnappers. Of course, this knight in shining armor also happens to be a strong and intelligent woman who still ultimately fails in her duty as previously stated princess' bodyguard. But she makes a good fight of it, armed with a following of her own female knights and her ability to semi-accurately assess the shifting of alliances within Ivalice's volatile political climate. The main problem is that she never seems to have all the facts when she makes her assessments. Despite her apparent intelligence and nobility, when things get tough, she starts taking things at face value, and when things really don't go her way, her polished etiquette falls apart pretty quickly.
NOTE: Since the official translation of FFT to date is of fairly unsatisfactory quality, Agrias' voice is being based on a more suitable translation such as the one here. This translation's more elaborate voice better reflects the formal manner of speaking that a knight of the Royal Family such as Agrias would use.
Sample Post:
It's likely I have already lingered here too long...but when a knight is given lodging, he will find himself compelled to repay his host for the courtesies he has received. Leaving now would be spitting upon the Lady Director's hospitality, though I've not yet had the distinct honor of meeting with her. But her reputation speaks well enough for her; a fine woman, the Lady denies herself to opportunity to grieve the loss of her betrothed. She instead stands strong as the ever-vigilant caretaker of this unfortunate encampment, burdened as it is by the misfortune of having been established in the remote regions of a dismal swamp. Despite both location and the continued grief of her loss, the Lady has such a fine care for hospitality that with her own hand she's not only established order for her guests, but also fashioned this wretched place into the happiest place on earth. This is what I have heard.
Yet none know where she is or how one may contact her. For such a high lady to go missing is troubling. Without a lord or lady, the people of these lands will surely turn against each other. Already the Northern Gangrene Zombies have assembled, and shortly will being moving on the Southern Guerilla Gorillas. There seems to be little provocation for this action. However...I've heard much of the Gangrene's loyalty for their lady. They greatly revere her brains, which is only right...the common people should respect the intelligence of their lord. Further, the leader of the honorless Guerillas is the one called "Donkey" Kong. I believe he received the moniker "Donkey" for the massive number of donkeys he used to keep himself supplied with barrels in battle. Kong is known for amusing himself with the kidnap of women of high status--such as the Lady Director--just as much as he is known for his signature rivalry with squat men called "plumbers."
I've no choice but to conclude that this means the Lady has become Kong's latest victim, and as this is surely the case, I vow that by my power the lady who has been so hospitable to me shall be rescued. I shall join the Gangrene in their campaign and see it through to the very last. I understand that first, they plan to surprise the Guerillas by viciously handing out of flyers, followed by a ruthless petitioning. The campaign will culminate with the Gangrene marching against the Guerilla's main base, bearing signs with such demands as... "Two leaders' brains and a supersized bottle of embalming fluid to go?"
...While undermining enemy moral is a valid tactic in warfare, I fear that these tactics will not send quite the right message about our cause.
Poll Vote!
Character: Czeslaw Meyer
Series: Baccano!
Character Age: Eternally 12
Canon: Baccano! is a series of 'light novels', a manga and an anime. The title roughly translates to 'loud noise' or more popularly 'stupid commotion' - an apt name for the series. The anime focuses on what happens when you take the Camorra mafia family, a pair of impressively stupid robbers, a group of thugs and various immortals and put them on a train called the Flying Pussyfoot. Tied up in this part-mafia, part fantastical-vampire story set in the 1930s Prohibition era is a lot of confusion and some adorable kids, one of whom is Czeslaw Meyer.
Czes is one of the series' immortals -- never aging and unable to be killed by violence, also known as +10 regeneration. Despite his long age he doesn't show it, and fools everyone into thinking he's adorable and innocent. His behavior usually reflects his appearance: a good kid, wide eyed, easily impressed and playful. A shot to the head and he'll drop his façade, letting out a much more serious and melancholy personality. Introduced as a 'cursed child' Czes is more than capable of luring a psychotic killer to try and talk him into murdering everyone on the train, all while still being damned cute.
Sample App:
Hey, hey, Mister! That was really, really cool. That thing you did, picking up all those people with one arm. You must be su~per strong! I didn't think you would be because you're purple (and that's not very manly), so I was surprised! Are you going to kill them? You're holding them so tightly and they're screaming for you to stop. That's more than a little friendly, ne~?
Instead of killing them why don't you help me out? I can make it worth your time, I promise. I'm lost and just want to go home to see my mother; she lives in New York, do you know how to get there? She's super nice and really pretty and if you help me out I'm sure she'll make you cookies or something. Or pay you. We can pay you a lot of money. Just help me get out and I promise we can reward you. So, what do you say?
Ah! Don't use such a mean voice! You don't need to threaten me, I'll ask someone else. But you should know that you're being awfully mean, because I don't like it here. It's scary, really, really scary. Even your cows are scary. One just went by, 'vroooom' like that. Cows aren't supposed to move that fast, it was almost like a train! D-don't push me, mister, I'll get run ove--.
…
That hurt. You're such a worthless guy, I can't use you at all. Why did you do that, anyway? It's not like you can frighten me into doing something, even if you show me all these dead people. I know what dead people are like. They smell bad and rot, just like these. You know, I was lying before, about this place being really scary. It's not at all, and since you're no help at all I'll just get someone else to do it. Someone useful.
Ah~ hey, mister! That was really cool, the way you chased those people down, you must be really fast. Not only that but you look really kind, want to help me get home? Pleeeaase? Wait, w-what? Don't come closer! I… I don't know where the shouta is.
I-if I play dead the bear will go away… right?
Poll Vote!
Character: Basilicum (Basil)
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Character Age: 14
Canon: When trying to describe Reborn, it would be easy to get lost among all the baby hitmen, the middle school-aged mafia, and the hilarious hijinks. That would be missing the true essence of Reborn, which is: a mafia harem series.
Wait, no! That's not what I wanted to say at all.
What Reborn actually is is the story of young Sawada Tsunayoshi, who, through a series of misadventures, gets nonconned into being a mafia boss. And then has more misadventures! And meets a whole colourful cast of characters. And one of these characters is named Basil.
Basil is a friendly, cheerful young man who arrives just in time to help train Tsuna for the upcoming battles. Despite the fact that he's a skilled fighter himself, he's rather naive, and speaks in archiac, super-formal Japanese (often translated as middle english) because he was told that was how everybody in Japan spoke. Basil is sweet, hardworking (...His hobby is doing laundry!) and incredibly loyal.
Sample Post:
I do not deny that a swamp could be a pleasant place for a holiday; however, thy swamp in particular may be less welcoming than the brochure would have one believe. Perhaps if thy forest was less prone to escorting people onto thy premises with constant and rather violent use of vines, they would be more likely to return a second time. Ah, but I had forgotten, thou needst not worry about anyone returning, because of thy barrier. It is a clever strategy, I admit, although I confess I am confused as to why anyone would want to trap others within what the brochure states is 'America's #1 Ultimate Vacation Destination Of Destiny', unless-- I do believe I hear music...?
... So it was a theme song. I am truly flattered that thou wouldst want me for thy... reality... TV show. 'Zombie Eye for the Straight Guy' sounds as though it would be a truly rewarding experience, but I am afraid I must refuse. I mean no offense to thee, for I really do appreciate the offer, and had I more time I would surely do all I could to ensure that thy daytime programming were of appropriate quality. I regret that I also must refuse thy gift of moisturizing and exfoliating cream. A large portion of thy face is falling off, so ah... maybe thou wouldst prefer to keep some of that exfoliation cream for thyself? I am sure that thou wouldst make good and proper use of it, and I hope that thou findst someone else to makeover soon.
Ah, art thou- oh, all those who are considered as candidates for thy program recieve a gift? That is truly generous of thee. I have never had the occasion to read a self-help book until now! "Topping and You: Benefits of Not Being The Bottom"... it is very kind of thee to offer such a thing, though I am not sure of how much use it would be to me, as I have never had occasion to take such advice -- ah, it seems that thou hast laughed so hard thy... head fell off! Perhaps it would be wise of thee to be cautious of such things in the future, if an event such as that is common for thee.
Hast thou gotten everything in order, now? If thy head is back upon thy shoulders, then I believe it may be time for me to leave... I cannot remain here for too long. After all, I must begin to find a way to access the other side of the barrier, and it would be unwise to waste my time, should it prove more difficult than expected. So I bid thee all farewell- ah, thou wishest to 'lend me a hand'? I would not begrudge thy assistance--
Oh. It seems I may have misunderstood thee. No, I would rather that thou keepst thy hand for thyself.
Poll Vote!
Character: Ciel Phantomhive
Series: Kuroshitsuji
Character Age: 12
Canon: Once upon a time, in Victorian London (who knew Victorian London had handheld video games and cell phones?) there lived a young boy named Ciel Phantomhive. He had it all (except parents): wealth, fame, a sexy eyepatch, and the perfect butler. Now he dea-- no, he's actually still alive, despite his tendency to get kidnapped by, oh, everyone around him, from the mafia to roving perverts.
See, Ciel's perfect butler is not just a butler. He's also a demon.
Ciel is a genius used to spending his time with older people; he comes off as very intelligent and a bit condescending, he is capable of being very smooth with the ladies-- but he's also twelve years old and capable of intense brattiness and sullen fits. After all, a twelve year old who's made a contract with a demon is a twelve year old who should always get what he wants.
Sample Post:
Madam Director, your hospitality leaves something to be desired. While I appreciate that I am not tied up and stuck in a cage, your apelike manservants have been less than kind in their choice of outfits. I have no idea why I am being made to parade as a "pretty sparkly pink wai wai pirate-chan," nor do I care: my request is that you treat me as I should be treated or suffer the consequences of my displeasure.
I do realize that perhaps you may not understand what I mean. First of all, I require that you remove this toucan masquerading as a parrot from my shoulder at once. It has done nothing but whisper "sweet nothings" in my ear since I was dressed in this monstrosity. While I do appreciate the bird's lack of creativity, considering the rest of this place, I am beginning to suspect that its repeated attempts to eat my dress are related. I assure you, I am not sweet; if you want it to remain alive to bother another lord,
please disabuse it of this notion.
Second of all, I require my tea on time and served in a professional manner. And I require that it be tea, not this bubbling neon orange substance your teapot is filled with. Unfortunately for whomever sought to poison me with it, I am not that stupid. The way it made my skin turn green when I spilled some was a big hint.
Finally, you must fetch my butler, Sebastian, as the servants in your encampment have no sense of fashion, modesty, good taste, or-- well, perhaps they do have a taste for brains. However, they seem to be low on that attribute themselves. Sebastian is tall and completely human. Human. He does not shed his limbs on the furniture, and he does what he is told. I do not understand how your incompetent servants could have mistaken my request that he be brought here to me as a request for crabs. I do not want your crabs. And I most certainly do not want to kiss any girls!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kinon Bachika
Series: Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann
Character Age: About 20-21? lol, Gainax
Canon: Once upon a time, the Helix King forced humans underground and created an army of beastmen to enforce his regime. Naturally, that wasn't going to last--humans escaped to the surface and banded together as the Great Gurren Brigade, overcoming all odds, claiming victory and founding a new world order governing humans and beastmen alike. It just goes to show that all you really need to do is believe in yourself, go beyond the impossible, and kick reason to the curb!!
...Or that's how most of the characters feel. And then there are characters like Kinon. Far from the reckless ideal of the others, she's one of the diehard supporters of Rossiu and his logical approach to governing the new capital, Kamina City. In fact, she's such a loyalist to order that she'll go to such extremes as volunteering herself as a human bomb to make sure a convicted criminal doesn't escape--even if she's not really a combatant, you don't want to make her mad. But to be honest, underneath her expressionless and glasses-flash-prone demeanor is a kind girl who's just working for the good of the people... and who really has the hots for her superior.
Sample Post:
Good day, citizens of Camp Fuck You Die. My name is Kinon, and I am a representative of the central government at Kamina City. Please do not be alarmed at my arrival; I will be in and out quickly and peacefully, and I have no intention of removing you from your home. I am not here to judge your choice of residence.
Instead, I am here to address your concerns. We've been receiving some of your complaints, and I'm here to help sort things out. We have already processed requests for sugar, alcohol, and tampons, and we are working past some technical difficulties to deliver them as soon as possible. As we were told, we have sent several packages addressed to CFUD, c/o Marcy, but we have heard reports that the supplies were not received and we can only assume that they were lost in the mail. Aside from that, however, I... am afraid sexual relations are not in our power to give. I can't imagine the horrors that would do to our reputation. Ah, are there any further problems that must be addressed?
...Sir, it is really no matter of the government whether or not your friend is canine. In fact, if you have a problem with his race, you are likely not a very good friend at all; though he may be a different species, surely he is still capable of being a man's best friend. --Oh, a virus, is it? That's much more serious! Since this is an unfamiliar disease, I'm afraid he will have to be quarantined, along with any other victims. Sir, please--this is for his health, and all of ours as well. Just think, if this becomes an epidemic, everyone will want to know just who let the dogs out. I will not let the answer become the government!
Wait, miss, you're a dog too? And here's a cat! Oh no, it might be too late! It's already become an epidemic! I'm afraid this calls for drastic measures. This camp in its entirety will have to be quarantined! Exiting and entering freely is now strictly forbidden, and attempts to cross the border without permission will be punished!
Hmm? Yes, of course I've just arrived here. Why do you ask?
Poll Vote!