(no subject)
N-n-n-NEXT ROUND. Vote at your leisure. ♥
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!!
Name: Shiki Tohno
Age: 17
Series: Tsukihime
Canon: Raise your hand if you have a harem of girls that have tried to kill you.
Hands down if those attempts were passive, accidental, or in jest.
All that should remain is Shiki Tohno, a semi-normal boy in a world that's anything but normal. Vampires sit in his city and play a very lethal game of cat and mouse with the people around him. Church agents suspect him of being some high-level master of the dead. His family has almost as many skeletons in the closet as they have investments in the financial world--most of them dark and sinister.
And then there's the part where five of the eight love potentials in his life have tried to give him a gruesome ending at one point or another. Thankfully, he has weapons against most of these cases: logic compassion, a sense of justice, willingness to forgive, and two aces up his sleeve. One being eyes that can perceive death in all things, and the other being a set of killer instincts that he taps into when needed--giving him an edge in quickly and lethally overpowering even the most immortal of his foes (even if it makes him something of a passenger in his own body).
Not that his hunter instincts help a single iota against the silly and straight man maids, doting-yet-bossy sister, even sillier schoolmates, and an incredibly-dangerous vampire with the mind of an innocent child. But saying sorry to a girl you knifed into seventeen pieces of meat apparently goes a long way.
Sample Post:
I bet you're wondering why I'm having a knife fight with a dozen undead and four apes while not wearing any pants. I'd have to start with the convenience store.
You see, my sister doesn't like me going there since that would mean she approves of comics. A guy has to have his hobbies, though, and InuYasha is still good.
Yes, I overlooked the clerk's grimace at my purchase. Which, in hindsight, was probably a bad idea, as my next footstep landed me up to my knees in what I will continue to assume is mud. I say hindsight not because of the clerk--he always makes that face at Takahashi's works. It's because ignoring my sister's lectures on reading material always lands me in bizarre and typically dangerous situations. It's an awful-but-often accurate coincidence. Or a sign I should just switch convenience stores.
Anyway, there was mud. Solid, with flecks of grass and other matter, and a sort-of smell, but it was mud. And I didn't have long to argue the issue, as the undead had arrived and it was time to run. A difficult task when one is knee-deep in mud, but not impossible for those who are coordinated. The zombies were not such. They also reaffirmed my thoughts on the mud, since they were a stronger source of the smell and didn't have a single stain between all of them.
Outrunning them was easy, but then the squirrels came. Experience--that you shouldn't ask about since there was already one question--taught me a hard lesson about dropping my guard around seemingly innocent creatures. By the time I had my knife out, they were on me. And then in my clothes. Woodland creatures in your clothe affects your coordinated-yet-muddy speed. It also distracts you, if you're not careful, from large, hairy apes...who also want your clothes. Or wanted me out of mine. It was a tossup of an answer, but I was still too agile to let them come to either conclusion. That was, however, the point at which the slow, smelly, muddy undead finally caught up. I'm pretty sure they wanted to help with the apes' choice.
So, to answer your question...would be even more embarrassing and troublesome. Let's just say I kept the comic in my back pocket and leave it at that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sei Satou
Series: Maria-sama ga Miteru
Character Age: Unspecified. (High-school age)
Canon: Lillian Girls' School, a private catholic school where the students are likened to beautiful roses growing in a garden of tranquility, mutual respect, and deep-seated lesbian Unresolved Sexual Tension. In the middle of this sea of young innocent schoolgirls worshiping the older "Onee-samas", there exists a member of the student council named Sei Satou, better known by her title Rosa Gigantea. Where suppressing feelings and conforming to utter formality takes precedence over everything else, Rosa Gigantea is the one woman with the guts to ignore all of it and have fun. She openly flirts with other girls, cracks off-color jokes during tea parties, and makes the occasional good-natured forward advance which almost crosses the line into sexual harassment.
Despite her sometimes rough nature, she's one of the most caring and perceptive girls in the entire series. Always trying to guide her younger 'sisters' towards the path that will let them develop in the best possible way. (Though she may use her groping hand to do it.)
Sample Post:
Ladies and gentlewomen, we are gathered here today to try to get through this so-called "life." To seal the vow that marks the begging of the holy union of marriage between-- hey, you. Are you heckling me? You got a problem with me standing up here trying to conduct this ceremony? If you've got something to say, then stand up and say it.
You can't stand it enough to speak out, huh? Fine, I'll just go through the checklist I prepared. As you can clearly tell: no, I'm not a 'real' priest. But in my defense, I AM a sorta non-practicing catholic. And I know, the people here worship a different god, (one with a lot less immaculate conception and a lot more tentacles,) but it's more or less the same old song and dance, really. There's just a few key words changed here and there. Really. I swear on the Virgin Marcy.
So what else do you need? Experience? I join couples against their will all the time and they thank me for it afterwards! Or maybe you meant experience in... of course I've been to summer camp before! It was a little bit different, but a little bit the same. Sex technically "wasn't allowed" there either, but it wasn't an "enforceable" rule there. Much like the fake-priesthood here, except now I'm really not getting nun.
Or is it-- oh, I get it. You just don't think two people of different gender/species should be married. But, consider this: when there's love involved, who can say when and where a bird and a zombie can't be joined together in holy matrimony? United, as long as they both shall... unlive?
Excellent!
Toucan, now kiss the bride.
Poll Vote!
Character: Cerberus (a.k.a. Kero-chan)
Series: Cardcaptor Sakura
Character Age: This toy is appropriate for ages 3-11 (Age is officially unknown)
Canon: Behind every successful magical girl there exists someone to guide her on her quest, and Cardcaptor Sakura is no different. Kinomoto Sakura was just a normal 4th grader until the day she found a mysterious magical book and opened it, accidentally freeing the Clow Cards. Too bad that Cerberus, the Beast of the Seal and guardian of the cards that rest inside, was in the middle of a 30 year nap on that day. From that point on, Sakura is tasked with finding all of the cards and capturing them, with Cerberus as her constant companion.
Cerberus is initially introduced in the shape of a small plushie, though he’s more than willing to tell you all about his super awesome true form. Since he did not look like a Cerberus to her at the time, Sakura gave him the nickname Kero-chan, which he accepts from her, but still isn’t entirely thrilled with. Kero-chan himself can be very selfish, egotistical, and gluttonous. He’s fond of playing video games, eating, sleeping, and obsessing over how cool he is. Despite all of that, Kero-chan cares deeply about Sakura and his friends. He does his best to help Sakura in her quest to find and master the Clow Cards, providing valuable advice and protection along the way. To top it all off, Kero-chan speaks in a friendly Osaka accent, which he picked up when The Clow had a long stopover in that city.
Sample Post:
Thank you, thank you, and keep that applause comin’! I, Cerberus the Magnificent, the ultra cool guardian beast and champion gamer, am more than willing to humbly accept this standing ovation. A standing ovation, I’d like to add, that I so deserve. They're making these game AIs smarter and smarter these days. No average game could tell that I cut such a brilliant and charming figure! The Sims: CFUD Edition is gettin' a five star rating from me. Come on, little sims, I know you can cheer louder for the guy who controls your entire existence!
O-oi. . .I appreciate the applause, but you shouldn’t lose your head over it. Am I gonna lose relationship points for this? But that was a really cool effect! Though, I do wonder why the game's set in a swamp? Maybe it's only stuck here on the demo disc they sent me to test. The skins are a little off, too. Huh. . .people don't come in that shade of gray, right? It's really turning me off this game. I mean, how can you continue to applaud me when your arms are fallin' off? Also, it’s tough to understand what are obviously odes to my greatness when you cut back their vocabulary to nothing but gurgles.
I have to say, what sold me on this game wasn’t just the awesome graphics and new levels of interactive capabilities. It was the much improved cooking option. As I always say, the best way to the heart of a manly and superb creature like myself is through his stomach! . . .should I be worried about this zombie steak option? Just look at that delicious cake my sims are wheeling out on screen right now. This must be it! I finished my first play through! Oh, look, there's writing on the cake: “Congratulations To Our Newest Resident, Kero-chan~ You Won The Game!” Hey, is it chocolate? I love-
The name is Cerberus! Don’t ya have someone quality checking things like that?! I might look tiny now, but my true form is super awesomely cool and. . .hey! Are you sims listenin' to me? I created you! Stop clapping and lend me your ears. People look at my true form in awe, do you hear that! In fact, I inspire so much awe in people that it comes out looking a lot like disdain! If I could just get in there and get my paws on you!
. . .wait. Since when does Sakura's room look like a swamp?
Poll Vote!
Character: Azula
Series: Avatar : The Last Airbender
Character Age: 14
Canon: In the world of Avatar there are four nations divided up into the elements of Wind, Water, Earth and Fire. Some inhabitants of each nation are able to control their element by bending (think of it as planeteering without rings, extra kung fu stylings, and no annoying Heart dweeb breaking up the fight scenes with his moralizing). The only one who can use all elements is the Avatar, destined to bring balance to the world. This is complicated when the old Avatar vanished for a hundred years and the new one is just a kid with only a ragtag group of friends fighting beside him.
Azula is most definitely not on the Avatar's side. In fact, the only side you can be sure she's on is her own. Princess of the Fire Nation, Azula is a firebending prodigy able to create lightning and has the armies of the Fire Lord at her beck and call since Daddy loves her best. She has no qualms about attacking cute animals, children, or her own brother as long as it means winning. Playing dirty is just a strategic perk. At the same time Azula shows a not-really-softer side when she is depending on her minions-excuse me, "childhood friends"-Mai and Ty Lee, to assist her. Even if it means threatening and/or manipulating them into doing whatever she wants. Really, Azula is just a hardcore bitch, a lying liar who lies, and kind of a sadist. Did I mention these are her endearing qualities?
With cast permission, she is being apped from the beginning of season three.
Sample Post:
Father must be running out of generals if he thinks routing the Northern Water Tribes is a task I should handle personally. Of course there's been a shortage since I've incapacitated the last few who served me, but it stands as a matter of competency. If they weren't competent enough to dodge when I was idly training then they shouldn't have had the positions in the first place. Especially not one perched at the edge of a steep bow...
Men, one of their leaders has been eluding our armada for months. This swamp is his only confirmed location, a rendezvous point for supplies given the obvious name of "Seafood." However, he only shows up twice a year; once in the winter season and once in time for a summer celebration called..."Christmas in Jewel-Eye." Since they're spaced far apart this may be the only chance we have before he retreats back to his stronghold at the North Pole and gathers reinforcements.
Being in an uncharted territory puts us at a disadvantage, but they look as if they don't even suspect a Fire Nation invasion. Honestly, this will be easier than taking Ba Sing Se. All of their residences are made out of wood and people seem to actively avoid the lake. Water Tribes are so wishy-washy in their superstitions. But begging for mercy, or marcy, whatever their hideous backwoods accents call it, won't save them once we separate them from the source of their best defense. It's pathetic, really. These people should be grateful if we burn this settlement to the ground.
Once we infiltrate the population we'll exploit the factions already present in their society. I've heard this North Pole leader is a master of information gathering, but even if he has a list and checks it twice we'll manage to turn some of the discontents away with proper incentive. Naughty or nice, it won't matter if we indiscriminately take hostages until they betray his whereabouts. And they'll have to give into us eventually. Bribing every boy and girl with toys can't replace the perfected method of intimidation tactics. From there it's simply turning the people against him and setting up a puppet regime. I think I might start with one of his lieutenants, Rudolph. If they don't let him play in any of their dear rain games, then his frustration could easily be swayed into disloyalty.
The other issue is capturing the rebel leader. He travels exclusively at night, when waterbendering power is at its peak. It's said he knows when you are sleeping or awake, so our ambush must be better than good, it must be perfect. And this is not for goodness' sake, but your own, because if you fail me I will end you all. Now, where was I? Oh yes. His one weakness is his method of travel, entering by the fireplace instead of the usual underground passageways. Brazen, but without the element of surprise his method is done for. It seems almost too easy to attach lightning rods to the chimneys and simply wait until he gets close before striking. Then we can let gravity and his fat paunch do the rest of the work for us.
Yes, if everything goes according to plan I do believe Christmas will come early to the Fire Nation. Caged and bound in chains.
Poll Vote!
Character: Ty Lee
Series: Avatar: the Last Airbender
Character Age: 14
Canon: Avatar: the Last Airbender is the stunning saga of the adventures of Aang (the aforementioned Avatar, a.k.a. Kung-Fu Action Jesus) and His Amazing Friends as they race to bring peace to the world, a smile to the face of every young boy and girl, and so on. Of course, there is no story without conflict and as such the Avatar's quest is opposed by the Fire Nation, a ruthless kingdom seeking to "spread their prosperity to the world" by… well, conquering it, pretty much. Ty Lee, an acrobat/martial artist with an intimate knowledge of how the human body works and which pressure points to hit to make it stop working, just so happens to be on the side of said evil empire, and it's likely that she could be a truly fearsome and imposing enemy... except for the fact that's she's so insufferably nice about everything.
A perennial, incessant optimist, Ty Lee's the kind of person who not only sees the glass half-full, but rather it's half-full of the greatest drink known to man and there's even a cute bendy-straw to sip it with. Moreover, she has the innate ability to manage to attempt to present herself as being a very spiritual, sensitive person whilst at the same time being so incredibly flighty and unsubtle that she has an unfortunate tendency to not filter what she actually says, which tends to reveal the fact that she's more self-absorbed than she'd like to admit. Some of her hobbies and interests include being perky, dispensing fairly superficial new agey advice, being perky, winning friends and influencing people, flirting, and being really, really perky. Despite her tendencies to come off as being rather ditzy and shallow, Ty Lee really does mean well; it's just unfortunate that her good intentions aren't always backed up with anything resembling tact.
Sample Post:
Guys, before we begin I just want to say how totally brave I think you all are for even being here today. After all, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? And it's a problem that I hope this support group can solve with if we can all just work together and promise to try our hardest! After all, you guys may put up a tough, intimidating exterior, but I think that deep down, you're all really good people who are maybe just a little misguided! And besides, it's so nice to meet guys who actually compliment me on my brains, you know?
But really, the problem should be pretty obvious to everyone, right? The bad skin, the gross teeth, the pent-up hostility? You guys have totally got way too much negative energy stored up! I mean, you shouldn't feel bad, it happens all the time, just... not usually to this extent, you know? Normally, you just get frown lines, split ends, and maybe your skin breaks out, but if you don't do anything about it, it might... well, end up like this! Too much negativity is serious business; who knows what'll happen if you let it get worse? But don't worry, I promise I'll help you every step of the way on your road to recovery! After all, what good would being able to think positive be if you can't share it with those in need? Plus, the universe sent me a very distinct message that this is where I'm meant to be today, so here I am! ... well, actually, it was a sign that said "Spiritual Enlightenment at Next Right. P.S., Free Candy!" a couple of miles back. But I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and when it comes to the universe, sometimes you kind of have to read between the lines. A lot.
Now, the next step towards inner peace is through self-discovery. So, what I'd like for everyone to do right now is concentrate on taking a nice, good look at themselves, and then tell the group a bit about who they are and how they feel about themselves. We're all here to listen, it's okay if you want to pour your heart out! ... and, um, I'm looking for something a little more descriptive than the whole, y'know... "grrr arrrrrgh" thing you've been using to respond to almost everything else. That's totally a defense mechanism, guys, and you're using it to mask your true feelings! So, who'd like to go first? Oh, how about you, mister... Grrawwgh, right? You look like you're having a major breakthrough! So, after some soul searching and digging deep inside, what did you come up with?
... um. W-well! That... um, that was a great first try, Grrawwgh, but that's... not exactly the kind of breakthrough I was hoping for. But... points for enthusiasm? Guys, I... did say inner peace and not inner pieces, right?
Poll Vote!
Character: Mai
Series: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Character Age: 15
Canon: Avatar is the tale of how twelve-year-old monk Jesus and his friends try to save their world from the evils of a ruthless, conquering nation. Mai has absolutely nothing to do with tiny monk Jesus, except for where she is on the side that is Hell-bent on destroying any goody-goody plans he and his entourage may have. Mai is clever, sarcastic, and bored with the world at large. She is appropriately feminine and reserved, but badass enough to be able to master the art of throwing knives of out of sheer boredom. She cuts asses and takes names, but is very much a teenager. She is prone to hiding her emotions, scoffing at other people, spite!!!, and being endearingly cranky. Together she and her teenage Fire Nation friends will defeat the Avatar and rule the world, right after they get over having to deal with the trials and tribulations of puberty.
Sample Post:
Well. I've finally been forced to get one of these Livejournal things. Whoever came up with them were real geniuses. This better be worth it. I had to wade through a thousand annoying, flashing messages before it let me sign up, not to mention all the times it just didn't work. Seriously, I'm going to regret asking, but what in the world is a server and why is it not robust?
Though the best thing has to be tech support. These 'phones' are pretty nice, except for the part where they let you talk to people. The guy who picked up sounded like he hadn't slept in years. I'll bet he hasn't brushed his teeth, either. I could pretty much smell his breath from all the way over here. He recommended "araaaaauuuuughhhhhhhbraaaains", before something else interrupted with bleating and disgusting chewing noises. Really helpful. Unsurprisingly, it took me forever to figure out how to disable all the useless junk that was trying to "help me post." And now I can, whoo hoo.
What am I supposed to write about? I've already discovered that people on 'the internet' can't spell. I'm supposed to assume they can read? It's going to be really dull for all of us. Wait, let me rephrase that into something you can all understand. "dis is soooooooooo boring!!11~" I guess I could introduce myself, but I don't really want to. You guys could introduce yourself, too, but I don't really care. I'm not like other people who care about comment counts. Whatever.
It's not like this dump is any different from all the other dumps I've had the lucky pleasure of being dumped in. "It'll be a learning experience, and it'll keep you out of your father's hair! You've been way too out of line lately." Thanks again, Mom! It's totally a blast here. I'll write home soon, to tell you how much fun I am having with the multicoloured messenger birds and the way they smell like Tom-Tom when he needs a diaper change.
-- Ugh. I take it back. This place is worse. I can barely breathe. I never thought anything would trump the Earth Kingdom and their congregations of constantly dirty barefoot feet, but UGH. I hate it when I'm wrong.
. . . aaaaand it just got so much better. What do you know, multicoloured birds also have multicoloured poop! I hate everything. I'm Mai! I'm from the Fire Nation! We're better than you! I'm posting! It's boring! Are you all happy now? I'll be in my cabin, playing with knives.
Character’s Name: Mai
Series: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Character Age: 15
Canon: Aang is the avatar and has to save the world from the evil fire lord, oh noes! Out to catch and kill the avatar is Azula, daughter of the fire lord, accompanied by her two friends Ty Lee and Mai. Mai is bored stiff by just about everything, finds disgusting things repulsive and pretty things even worse. She seems to delight in finding as many expressive words as she can to let people know about her bored hatred of everything around her.
As a part of Azula’s elite posse, Mai likes to fling sharp objects at people, as much as she can really be said to ‘enjoy’ doing anything. She has a crush on Azula's brother, Zuko, and he’s the only one she’ll ever open up to, if briefly. As an only child, she was given everything she wanted as long as she behaved. As far as her family was concerned, that meant being seen and not heard.
Sample Post:
Okay, this is just disgusting. Shoot all the lightning you want at me, but I am not setting foot in that tree-sludge juice. I’m going to stay seated in my tree where it’s not quite so revolting. What is it, even? A swamp? It looks like something threw up out here years ago. So long ago, in fact, that nobody has even bothered to clean it up and it's just been left to fester. It smells like it’s been stewing for decades, too. Ugh, that is so repulsive.
And oh look, walking undead. How original. Please tell me you're here to kill me, or at least think about cleaning up this vomit so the rest of us don’t end up looking like… that. What? Oh you are here to kill me, how delightful. Do your best, but I can tell you now, you're going to need to be a whole lot more agile than that. Muscle that's not rotting would probably help, though I don't know how you could fix that. Here, have some fire flakes. They'll give you a boost, assuming you don't actually catch fire from eating them. I've never heard of it before, but you never know. Brittle bones and dry skin, might act like firewood.
No, I am not coming down. It’s even more boring down there than it is up here. I'm growing somewhat attached to this tree, in a sort of "I really don't want to be here" kind of way. And stop saying "brains." I already offered you fire flakes, and if you can't put up more of a fight than that, then quite frankly you don't deserve my brains.
Oh, no, don’t try and climb up, you’ll break something. That, or I’ll break something for you. I'm warning you. Yes, I can see many of you don't actually have limbs, there's no need to wave them around like a floppy lizard. One armless zombie is enough to ruin your whole day, let alone twenty of you.
That’s it. I want out. This swamp is making me nauseous, its general populous isn’t any better, and it’s even more boring here than it was in Omashu. I at least had a few earthbenders to throw daggers at there. These things are so slow they won’t even work for target practice. Zuko, where in the swamp are you? I want a fruit tart with rose petals, and nobody can order around the mindless masses like the crown prince. Actually, I want several tarts, then I can throw the leftovers at the strolling bones down there. Maybe they'll go away.
... Stupid prince. Okay, fine, I'll just have to take care of them myself. At least it will give me something to do, if nothing else. Zombies are boring.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!!
Name: Shiki Tohno
Age: 17
Series: Tsukihime
Canon: Raise your hand if you have a harem of girls that have tried to kill you.
Hands down if those attempts were passive, accidental, or in jest.
All that should remain is Shiki Tohno, a semi-normal boy in a world that's anything but normal. Vampires sit in his city and play a very lethal game of cat and mouse with the people around him. Church agents suspect him of being some high-level master of the dead. His family has almost as many skeletons in the closet as they have investments in the financial world--most of them dark and sinister.
And then there's the part where five of the eight love potentials in his life have tried to give him a gruesome ending at one point or another. Thankfully, he has weapons against most of these cases: logic compassion, a sense of justice, willingness to forgive, and two aces up his sleeve. One being eyes that can perceive death in all things, and the other being a set of killer instincts that he taps into when needed--giving him an edge in quickly and lethally overpowering even the most immortal of his foes (even if it makes him something of a passenger in his own body).
Not that his hunter instincts help a single iota against the silly and straight man maids, doting-yet-bossy sister, even sillier schoolmates, and an incredibly-dangerous vampire with the mind of an innocent child. But saying sorry to a girl you knifed into seventeen pieces of meat apparently goes a long way.
Sample Post:
I bet you're wondering why I'm having a knife fight with a dozen undead and four apes while not wearing any pants. I'd have to start with the convenience store.
You see, my sister doesn't like me going there since that would mean she approves of comics. A guy has to have his hobbies, though, and InuYasha is still good.
Yes, I overlooked the clerk's grimace at my purchase. Which, in hindsight, was probably a bad idea, as my next footstep landed me up to my knees in what I will continue to assume is mud. I say hindsight not because of the clerk--he always makes that face at Takahashi's works. It's because ignoring my sister's lectures on reading material always lands me in bizarre and typically dangerous situations. It's an awful-but-often accurate coincidence. Or a sign I should just switch convenience stores.
Anyway, there was mud. Solid, with flecks of grass and other matter, and a sort-of smell, but it was mud. And I didn't have long to argue the issue, as the undead had arrived and it was time to run. A difficult task when one is knee-deep in mud, but not impossible for those who are coordinated. The zombies were not such. They also reaffirmed my thoughts on the mud, since they were a stronger source of the smell and didn't have a single stain between all of them.
Outrunning them was easy, but then the squirrels came. Experience--that you shouldn't ask about since there was already one question--taught me a hard lesson about dropping my guard around seemingly innocent creatures. By the time I had my knife out, they were on me. And then in my clothes. Woodland creatures in your clothe affects your coordinated-yet-muddy speed. It also distracts you, if you're not careful, from large, hairy apes...who also want your clothes. Or wanted me out of mine. It was a tossup of an answer, but I was still too agile to let them come to either conclusion. That was, however, the point at which the slow, smelly, muddy undead finally caught up. I'm pretty sure they wanted to help with the apes' choice.
So, to answer your question...would be even more embarrassing and troublesome. Let's just say I kept the comic in my back pocket and leave it at that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sei Satou
Series: Maria-sama ga Miteru
Character Age: Unspecified. (High-school age)
Canon: Lillian Girls' School, a private catholic school where the students are likened to beautiful roses growing in a garden of tranquility, mutual respect, and deep-seated lesbian Unresolved Sexual Tension. In the middle of this sea of young innocent schoolgirls worshiping the older "Onee-samas", there exists a member of the student council named Sei Satou, better known by her title Rosa Gigantea. Where suppressing feelings and conforming to utter formality takes precedence over everything else, Rosa Gigantea is the one woman with the guts to ignore all of it and have fun. She openly flirts with other girls, cracks off-color jokes during tea parties, and makes the occasional good-natured forward advance which almost crosses the line into sexual harassment.
Despite her sometimes rough nature, she's one of the most caring and perceptive girls in the entire series. Always trying to guide her younger 'sisters' towards the path that will let them develop in the best possible way. (Though she may use her groping hand to do it.)
Sample Post:
Ladies and gentlewomen, we are gathered here today to try to get through this so-called "life." To seal the vow that marks the begging of the holy union of marriage between-- hey, you. Are you heckling me? You got a problem with me standing up here trying to conduct this ceremony? If you've got something to say, then stand up and say it.
You can't stand it enough to speak out, huh? Fine, I'll just go through the checklist I prepared. As you can clearly tell: no, I'm not a 'real' priest. But in my defense, I AM a sorta non-practicing catholic. And I know, the people here worship a different god, (one with a lot less immaculate conception and a lot more tentacles,) but it's more or less the same old song and dance, really. There's just a few key words changed here and there. Really. I swear on the Virgin Marcy.
So what else do you need? Experience? I join couples against their will all the time and they thank me for it afterwards! Or maybe you meant experience in... of course I've been to summer camp before! It was a little bit different, but a little bit the same. Sex technically "wasn't allowed" there either, but it wasn't an "enforceable" rule there. Much like the fake-priesthood here, except now I'm really not getting nun.
Or is it-- oh, I get it. You just don't think two people of different gender/species should be married. But, consider this: when there's love involved, who can say when and where a bird and a zombie can't be joined together in holy matrimony? United, as long as they both shall... unlive?
Excellent!
Toucan, now kiss the bride.
Poll Vote!
Character: Cerberus (a.k.a. Kero-chan)
Series: Cardcaptor Sakura
Character Age: This toy is appropriate for ages 3-11 (Age is officially unknown)
Canon: Behind every successful magical girl there exists someone to guide her on her quest, and Cardcaptor Sakura is no different. Kinomoto Sakura was just a normal 4th grader until the day she found a mysterious magical book and opened it, accidentally freeing the Clow Cards. Too bad that Cerberus, the Beast of the Seal and guardian of the cards that rest inside, was in the middle of a 30 year nap on that day. From that point on, Sakura is tasked with finding all of the cards and capturing them, with Cerberus as her constant companion.
Cerberus is initially introduced in the shape of a small plushie, though he’s more than willing to tell you all about his super awesome true form. Since he did not look like a Cerberus to her at the time, Sakura gave him the nickname Kero-chan, which he accepts from her, but still isn’t entirely thrilled with. Kero-chan himself can be very selfish, egotistical, and gluttonous. He’s fond of playing video games, eating, sleeping, and obsessing over how cool he is. Despite all of that, Kero-chan cares deeply about Sakura and his friends. He does his best to help Sakura in her quest to find and master the Clow Cards, providing valuable advice and protection along the way. To top it all off, Kero-chan speaks in a friendly Osaka accent, which he picked up when The Clow had a long stopover in that city.
Sample Post:
Thank you, thank you, and keep that applause comin’! I, Cerberus the Magnificent, the ultra cool guardian beast and champion gamer, am more than willing to humbly accept this standing ovation. A standing ovation, I’d like to add, that I so deserve. They're making these game AIs smarter and smarter these days. No average game could tell that I cut such a brilliant and charming figure! The Sims: CFUD Edition is gettin' a five star rating from me. Come on, little sims, I know you can cheer louder for the guy who controls your entire existence!
O-oi. . .I appreciate the applause, but you shouldn’t lose your head over it. Am I gonna lose relationship points for this? But that was a really cool effect! Though, I do wonder why the game's set in a swamp? Maybe it's only stuck here on the demo disc they sent me to test. The skins are a little off, too. Huh. . .people don't come in that shade of gray, right? It's really turning me off this game. I mean, how can you continue to applaud me when your arms are fallin' off? Also, it’s tough to understand what are obviously odes to my greatness when you cut back their vocabulary to nothing but gurgles.
I have to say, what sold me on this game wasn’t just the awesome graphics and new levels of interactive capabilities. It was the much improved cooking option. As I always say, the best way to the heart of a manly and superb creature like myself is through his stomach! . . .should I be worried about this zombie steak option? Just look at that delicious cake my sims are wheeling out on screen right now. This must be it! I finished my first play through! Oh, look, there's writing on the cake: “Congratulations To Our Newest Resident, Kero-chan~ You Won The Game!” Hey, is it chocolate? I love-
The name is Cerberus! Don’t ya have someone quality checking things like that?! I might look tiny now, but my true form is super awesomely cool and. . .hey! Are you sims listenin' to me? I created you! Stop clapping and lend me your ears. People look at my true form in awe, do you hear that! In fact, I inspire so much awe in people that it comes out looking a lot like disdain! If I could just get in there and get my paws on you!
. . .wait. Since when does Sakura's room look like a swamp?
Poll Vote!
Character: Azula
Series: Avatar : The Last Airbender
Character Age: 14
Canon: In the world of Avatar there are four nations divided up into the elements of Wind, Water, Earth and Fire. Some inhabitants of each nation are able to control their element by bending (think of it as planeteering without rings, extra kung fu stylings, and no annoying Heart dweeb breaking up the fight scenes with his moralizing). The only one who can use all elements is the Avatar, destined to bring balance to the world. This is complicated when the old Avatar vanished for a hundred years and the new one is just a kid with only a ragtag group of friends fighting beside him.
Azula is most definitely not on the Avatar's side. In fact, the only side you can be sure she's on is her own. Princess of the Fire Nation, Azula is a firebending prodigy able to create lightning and has the armies of the Fire Lord at her beck and call since Daddy loves her best. She has no qualms about attacking cute animals, children, or her own brother as long as it means winning. Playing dirty is just a strategic perk. At the same time Azula shows a not-really-softer side when she is depending on her minions-excuse me, "childhood friends"-Mai and Ty Lee, to assist her. Even if it means threatening and/or manipulating them into doing whatever she wants. Really, Azula is just a hardcore bitch, a lying liar who lies, and kind of a sadist. Did I mention these are her endearing qualities?
With cast permission, she is being apped from the beginning of season three.
Sample Post:
Father must be running out of generals if he thinks routing the Northern Water Tribes is a task I should handle personally. Of course there's been a shortage since I've incapacitated the last few who served me, but it stands as a matter of competency. If they weren't competent enough to dodge when I was idly training then they shouldn't have had the positions in the first place. Especially not one perched at the edge of a steep bow...
Men, one of their leaders has been eluding our armada for months. This swamp is his only confirmed location, a rendezvous point for supplies given the obvious name of "Seafood." However, he only shows up twice a year; once in the winter season and once in time for a summer celebration called..."Christmas in Jewel-Eye." Since they're spaced far apart this may be the only chance we have before he retreats back to his stronghold at the North Pole and gathers reinforcements.
Being in an uncharted territory puts us at a disadvantage, but they look as if they don't even suspect a Fire Nation invasion. Honestly, this will be easier than taking Ba Sing Se. All of their residences are made out of wood and people seem to actively avoid the lake. Water Tribes are so wishy-washy in their superstitions. But begging for mercy, or marcy, whatever their hideous backwoods accents call it, won't save them once we separate them from the source of their best defense. It's pathetic, really. These people should be grateful if we burn this settlement to the ground.
Once we infiltrate the population we'll exploit the factions already present in their society. I've heard this North Pole leader is a master of information gathering, but even if he has a list and checks it twice we'll manage to turn some of the discontents away with proper incentive. Naughty or nice, it won't matter if we indiscriminately take hostages until they betray his whereabouts. And they'll have to give into us eventually. Bribing every boy and girl with toys can't replace the perfected method of intimidation tactics. From there it's simply turning the people against him and setting up a puppet regime. I think I might start with one of his lieutenants, Rudolph. If they don't let him play in any of their dear rain games, then his frustration could easily be swayed into disloyalty.
The other issue is capturing the rebel leader. He travels exclusively at night, when waterbendering power is at its peak. It's said he knows when you are sleeping or awake, so our ambush must be better than good, it must be perfect. And this is not for goodness' sake, but your own, because if you fail me I will end you all. Now, where was I? Oh yes. His one weakness is his method of travel, entering by the fireplace instead of the usual underground passageways. Brazen, but without the element of surprise his method is done for. It seems almost too easy to attach lightning rods to the chimneys and simply wait until he gets close before striking. Then we can let gravity and his fat paunch do the rest of the work for us.
Yes, if everything goes according to plan I do believe Christmas will come early to the Fire Nation. Caged and bound in chains.
Poll Vote!
Character: Ty Lee
Series: Avatar: the Last Airbender
Character Age: 14
Canon: Avatar: the Last Airbender is the stunning saga of the adventures of Aang (the aforementioned Avatar, a.k.a. Kung-Fu Action Jesus) and His Amazing Friends as they race to bring peace to the world, a smile to the face of every young boy and girl, and so on. Of course, there is no story without conflict and as such the Avatar's quest is opposed by the Fire Nation, a ruthless kingdom seeking to "spread their prosperity to the world" by… well, conquering it, pretty much. Ty Lee, an acrobat/martial artist with an intimate knowledge of how the human body works and which pressure points to hit to make it stop working, just so happens to be on the side of said evil empire, and it's likely that she could be a truly fearsome and imposing enemy... except for the fact that's she's so insufferably nice about everything.
A perennial, incessant optimist, Ty Lee's the kind of person who not only sees the glass half-full, but rather it's half-full of the greatest drink known to man and there's even a cute bendy-straw to sip it with. Moreover, she has the innate ability to manage to attempt to present herself as being a very spiritual, sensitive person whilst at the same time being so incredibly flighty and unsubtle that she has an unfortunate tendency to not filter what she actually says, which tends to reveal the fact that she's more self-absorbed than she'd like to admit. Some of her hobbies and interests include being perky, dispensing fairly superficial new agey advice, being perky, winning friends and influencing people, flirting, and being really, really perky. Despite her tendencies to come off as being rather ditzy and shallow, Ty Lee really does mean well; it's just unfortunate that her good intentions aren't always backed up with anything resembling tact.
Sample Post:
Guys, before we begin I just want to say how totally brave I think you all are for even being here today. After all, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? And it's a problem that I hope this support group can solve with if we can all just work together and promise to try our hardest! After all, you guys may put up a tough, intimidating exterior, but I think that deep down, you're all really good people who are maybe just a little misguided! And besides, it's so nice to meet guys who actually compliment me on my brains, you know?
But really, the problem should be pretty obvious to everyone, right? The bad skin, the gross teeth, the pent-up hostility? You guys have totally got way too much negative energy stored up! I mean, you shouldn't feel bad, it happens all the time, just... not usually to this extent, you know? Normally, you just get frown lines, split ends, and maybe your skin breaks out, but if you don't do anything about it, it might... well, end up like this! Too much negativity is serious business; who knows what'll happen if you let it get worse? But don't worry, I promise I'll help you every step of the way on your road to recovery! After all, what good would being able to think positive be if you can't share it with those in need? Plus, the universe sent me a very distinct message that this is where I'm meant to be today, so here I am! ... well, actually, it was a sign that said "Spiritual Enlightenment at Next Right. P.S., Free Candy!" a couple of miles back. But I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and when it comes to the universe, sometimes you kind of have to read between the lines. A lot.
Now, the next step towards inner peace is through self-discovery. So, what I'd like for everyone to do right now is concentrate on taking a nice, good look at themselves, and then tell the group a bit about who they are and how they feel about themselves. We're all here to listen, it's okay if you want to pour your heart out! ... and, um, I'm looking for something a little more descriptive than the whole, y'know... "grrr arrrrrgh" thing you've been using to respond to almost everything else. That's totally a defense mechanism, guys, and you're using it to mask your true feelings! So, who'd like to go first? Oh, how about you, mister... Grrawwgh, right? You look like you're having a major breakthrough! So, after some soul searching and digging deep inside, what did you come up with?
... um. W-well! That... um, that was a great first try, Grrawwgh, but that's... not exactly the kind of breakthrough I was hoping for. But... points for enthusiasm? Guys, I... did say inner peace and not inner pieces, right?
Poll Vote!
Character: Mai
Series: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Character Age: 15
Canon: Avatar is the tale of how twelve-year-old monk Jesus and his friends try to save their world from the evils of a ruthless, conquering nation. Mai has absolutely nothing to do with tiny monk Jesus, except for where she is on the side that is Hell-bent on destroying any goody-goody plans he and his entourage may have. Mai is clever, sarcastic, and bored with the world at large. She is appropriately feminine and reserved, but badass enough to be able to master the art of throwing knives of out of sheer boredom. She cuts asses and takes names, but is very much a teenager. She is prone to hiding her emotions, scoffing at other people, spite!!!, and being endearingly cranky. Together she and her teenage Fire Nation friends will defeat the Avatar and rule the world, right after they get over having to deal with the trials and tribulations of puberty.
Sample Post:
Well. I've finally been forced to get one of these Livejournal things. Whoever came up with them were real geniuses. This better be worth it. I had to wade through a thousand annoying, flashing messages before it let me sign up, not to mention all the times it just didn't work. Seriously, I'm going to regret asking, but what in the world is a server and why is it not robust?
Though the best thing has to be tech support. These 'phones' are pretty nice, except for the part where they let you talk to people. The guy who picked up sounded like he hadn't slept in years. I'll bet he hasn't brushed his teeth, either. I could pretty much smell his breath from all the way over here. He recommended "araaaaauuuuughhhhhhhbraaaains", before something else interrupted with bleating and disgusting chewing noises. Really helpful. Unsurprisingly, it took me forever to figure out how to disable all the useless junk that was trying to "help me post." And now I can, whoo hoo.
What am I supposed to write about? I've already discovered that people on 'the internet' can't spell. I'm supposed to assume they can read? It's going to be really dull for all of us. Wait, let me rephrase that into something you can all understand. "dis is soooooooooo boring!!11~" I guess I could introduce myself, but I don't really want to. You guys could introduce yourself, too, but I don't really care. I'm not like other people who care about comment counts. Whatever.
It's not like this dump is any different from all the other dumps I've had the lucky pleasure of being dumped in. "It'll be a learning experience, and it'll keep you out of your father's hair! You've been way too out of line lately." Thanks again, Mom! It's totally a blast here. I'll write home soon, to tell you how much fun I am having with the multicoloured messenger birds and the way they smell like Tom-Tom when he needs a diaper change.
-- Ugh. I take it back. This place is worse. I can barely breathe. I never thought anything would trump the Earth Kingdom and their congregations of constantly dirty barefoot feet, but UGH. I hate it when I'm wrong.
. . . aaaaand it just got so much better. What do you know, multicoloured birds also have multicoloured poop! I hate everything. I'm Mai! I'm from the Fire Nation! We're better than you! I'm posting! It's boring! Are you all happy now? I'll be in my cabin, playing with knives.
Character’s Name: Mai
Series: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Character Age: 15
Canon: Aang is the avatar and has to save the world from the evil fire lord, oh noes! Out to catch and kill the avatar is Azula, daughter of the fire lord, accompanied by her two friends Ty Lee and Mai. Mai is bored stiff by just about everything, finds disgusting things repulsive and pretty things even worse. She seems to delight in finding as many expressive words as she can to let people know about her bored hatred of everything around her.
As a part of Azula’s elite posse, Mai likes to fling sharp objects at people, as much as she can really be said to ‘enjoy’ doing anything. She has a crush on Azula's brother, Zuko, and he’s the only one she’ll ever open up to, if briefly. As an only child, she was given everything she wanted as long as she behaved. As far as her family was concerned, that meant being seen and not heard.
Sample Post:
Okay, this is just disgusting. Shoot all the lightning you want at me, but I am not setting foot in that tree-sludge juice. I’m going to stay seated in my tree where it’s not quite so revolting. What is it, even? A swamp? It looks like something threw up out here years ago. So long ago, in fact, that nobody has even bothered to clean it up and it's just been left to fester. It smells like it’s been stewing for decades, too. Ugh, that is so repulsive.
And oh look, walking undead. How original. Please tell me you're here to kill me, or at least think about cleaning up this vomit so the rest of us don’t end up looking like… that. What? Oh you are here to kill me, how delightful. Do your best, but I can tell you now, you're going to need to be a whole lot more agile than that. Muscle that's not rotting would probably help, though I don't know how you could fix that. Here, have some fire flakes. They'll give you a boost, assuming you don't actually catch fire from eating them. I've never heard of it before, but you never know. Brittle bones and dry skin, might act like firewood.
No, I am not coming down. It’s even more boring down there than it is up here. I'm growing somewhat attached to this tree, in a sort of "I really don't want to be here" kind of way. And stop saying "brains." I already offered you fire flakes, and if you can't put up more of a fight than that, then quite frankly you don't deserve my brains.
Oh, no, don’t try and climb up, you’ll break something. That, or I’ll break something for you. I'm warning you. Yes, I can see many of you don't actually have limbs, there's no need to wave them around like a floppy lizard. One armless zombie is enough to ruin your whole day, let alone twenty of you.
That’s it. I want out. This swamp is making me nauseous, its general populous isn’t any better, and it’s even more boring here than it was in Omashu. I at least had a few earthbenders to throw daggers at there. These things are so slow they won’t even work for target practice. Zuko, where in the swamp are you? I want a fruit tart with rose petals, and nobody can order around the mindless masses like the crown prince. Actually, I want several tarts, then I can throw the leftovers at the strolling bones down there. Maybe they'll go away.
... Stupid prince. Okay, fine, I'll just have to take care of them myself. At least it will give me something to do, if nothing else. Zombies are boring.
Poll Vote!