(no subject)
UHO, II VOTING DA!
Have another round, guys~ |D We'll slow down in a bit, but we have 79 of these to go through so KEEP GOING STRONG!!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. We're good here. CLOSED!
Character name: Adiane the Elegant
Series:Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann (Break the Heavens, Gurren Lagann!)
Age: Unknown, appears in late 20's
Job: The Total Annihilation of Humanity
Canon: Gurren Lagann, Gainax's latest series, is about a handful of men and women not wearing shirts while they get in giant robots to fight against an army of furries. There's also some stuff about piercing the heavens and phallic symbols and believing in yourself and being GAR and then they go into space for a while, but mostly it's about fighting furries. Like every shounen series ever, our heroes have to overcome a set of four mid-bosses.
Adiane the Elegant is the second of the "Four Holy Generals": an insectoid woman with water-based strengths. She takes to her duties as a general of the "Human Annihilation Army" with an almost religious fervor, as she, like most Beastmen, views her creator/King, Lord Genome, as a god. Covered from head to foot in tattoos and prone to bouts of swearing that would put any South Park kid to shame, Adiane should not be considered your typical sexy shounen midboss. She has a short temper and long, sharp tail. A potent combination if one happens to be on her bad side. Which everyone is. Everyone. It may come as no shock, but she can be quite stubborn and impatient. That anger of hers can often get the best of her, and she is more than a little prone to letting it carry her away. Her hobbies include beating Viral while he delivers his status reports, being in a sexual relationship with a giant gorilla, commanding an army of fish-people, piloting a robot that talks out of its vagina and probably using her prehensile scorpion tail for "that."
Sample Post:
What pathetic bullshit is this?
A world over-ruled by humans. Ugh! The whole damn place reeks of them. Disgusting! Disgusting! Absolutely fucking disgusting! I, Adiane the Elegant, Holy General to the Sublime Helix King, will not allow such a revolting state of affairs to continue unchecked!!
Do not think that you have won so easily, filth. I have learned to use your foolish human "internets." Did you think you trapping the proud Beastman race within your world web would crush their spirits or smother the fire within their souls? Tche! With your internets under my control, I have learned all that I need to of your pathetic little play at society, and now it is time to end it. From the farthest corners of this Earth I shall call forth my brothers and sisters, and we will rise up and crush you.
This is your call to arms, Beastmen of the Internets! Those among you with some scraps of pride and any miniscule genitalia of whatever sort your species once came equipped with, to my side! In the name of Lord Genome and for the eternal glory of the Helix Empire, we shall take back what is ours, and crush humanity down once more. The blood of the humans will flow like wine! No longer shall you crawl on your bellies and grovel at the feet of men. (Unless you are from the Iguanaman tribe, in which case... well... I suppose you won't have to grovel anymore, at least. DON'T DISTRACT ME!)
And do not fool yourselves into thinking that humans and Beastmen can live together peacefully. A man taking a horse as his wife? Pah! The man should be so lucky. No self-respecting Equine would submit to such derision! Homosexuality would be one thing, but a human!? We are the superior race, crafted by the divine hands of the Helix King himself. To rule this land and keep those stinking naked monkeys in line is our birthright, nay, our duty!
So arise, my brothers! Stand tall, my sisters! Soon, those pathetic humans shall feel our wrath! It shall be they that weep and gnash their teeth and cry to the heavens for deliverance from our divine fursecution. Proud Beastmen, steel your hearts and hold fast your courage! For as those pathetic humans might say, tonight... we yiff in hell!!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Shinichi Chiaki
Series: Nodame Cantabile
Age: 22
Job: Camp Conductor/Harmonizer
Canon: Nodame Cantabile is the story of how to make beautiful music even if sometimes it means marching to the beat your own drum...or piano...or any other instrument really. In Chiaki's case it's trying to herd a bunch of off-kilter musicians into a workable orchestra while not losing his sanity in the process. In turn they teach him to accept how quirky natures can belie hidden talents, as well as helping him to take that conducting baton out of his ass. Throw in a giant mongoose mascot, a pervert maestro, some deep-seated phobias of flying, top it off with classical music and you've got the show in a nutshell.
At first glance, Chiaki is a standoffish know-it-all but he has the talents to back it up. A musical prodigy of violin and piano, with wealth, good looks and an ability to speak a few foreign languages, it's easy to see why he calls himself ore-sama (translated here as "my magnificent self") at times. It also explains his disdain for anyone who can't match his levels of perfection. Only after meeting fellow pianist, Noda "Nodame" Megumi, does he begin to soften and accept others' differences. Very necessary since Nodame's lack of hygiene, toxic cooking, and declaring herself to be Chiaki's wife are enough to try the patience of saints. But they end up becoming close because underneath that gruff and elitist exterior Chiaki is actually a nice guy who can be topped by simple things like excessive whining or a heated kotatsu.
He's is being apped from the end of the live action drama.
Stop! Stop! Stop! How can you call yourselves an orchestra when you haven't even mastered Reveille? The score isn't a page long and already you're making mistakes! When Director Sayre told me I had to come and fill in for the loudspeaker I didn't think the level would be this bad. Your First Sergeant's Call is slow, and all you want to do is tap this and tap that. It's Taps not tap, and nobody is tapping anything except for my baton stick until you start shaping up.
Clarinet! Put your jaw back in place! Contrabass! When I said to keep an eye on your fingering I didn't mean to take it out of the socket and rest it on your knee! Oboes, your reeds are bad, replace them. I know you have to whittle your own but don't go to the lake itself to pluck out some extra. This is a music camp, not a scavenger hunt. You, the timpani player! Waldo, is it? Stop hiding behind the cellos. I can still see your beats are off. And all of you-! ...ahem, and all of you should bathe sometime. This is a public performance, and you smell like you've rolled around in Nodame's room before practice.
Speaking of Nodame, where is she? The only reason I'm in this backwater and it's so bad there's actual water... place is because she's the only person I know who could possibly mix up France with the United States. Even Qubec could possibly be explained, but these things are entire worlds apart, like classical and country music. But if I've learned anything in Japan, I'm going to learn whatever I can from studying abroad. Even if it involves dueling banjos. Just remember, if you follow my magnificent self you'll become better too! So you too should put everything you have into entertaining the audience. They should be moved when you- ...no, not all your limbs in a pile. I meant what's inside. Insides that are not major organs.
Now, let's start again. Reveille is a short piece, it should be played with vigor and enthusiasm. When you hear it you'll want to get up and greet the day because of opportunity, not because a gorilla is going to restring your instruments if you don't double time it. So, stand! Stand and salute...
Is. Are those my shorts?
Poll Vote!
Character: Nozomu Itoshiki
Series: Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei
Age: 2x
Job: Emergency Management Officer
Canon: Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei is the charming and heartwarming story of the fated meeting between a depressed teacher and his star pupil, and the way in which this meeting shapes and enriches their lives. Only the teacher was hanging himself at the time. And the girl thinks he just wants to be taller, because suicidal people couldn't possibly exist. And the other girl with a crush on him is an obsessive stalker. And the split-personality American is going to sue. And there's a small adorable Mexican girl swinging from the rafters. And it's not so much 'enrich' as 'drive to despair'.
Despair is a good word for teacher Nozomu Itoshiki. A cynical and bitter eye for the worst in everyone, together with a stellar run of poor luck and even poorer judgement, have combined to make the hapless teacher something of a wreck. Fast to decry... well, anything, he's actually quite clever and wordy when he isn't busy being tugged from one bout of depressive hysteria to another, or lecturing at length about twisted and inverted life lessons. His mind has a tendency to run off along odd tangents, make nonsensical leaps of logic, and break the fourth wall on a whim - these qualities are attributable both to his frayed nerves and his being from a series famous for metahumor.
Sample Post:
So then, today's lesson on emergency management! You are all aware of the impending danger we face from the horrors of the lake in the middle of camp. The danger is two-fold; for one! Any baby rendered too clean by water cannot build up the essential natural resistances to dirt, grime and bacteria, and will endure a lasting death at the hands of prideful parents! For two! That deadly harbinger, radiation, envelops all in her acidic wake, an inexorable end!
How, then, to manage such a situation? There is only one course of action! Only one way to free yourself from such an inevitable struggle! One must choose the quick death! Otherwise your flesh will wilt from radiation! Otherwise your body will decay! Otherwise your bones will bleach in the sun! The only sensible option to retain your dignity and to be interred in the proper manner is to die - before it is too late!
Ah? My, that was a fast period. Very well; next week we shall discuss the perils of the internet. In the meantime! You will each please find a box by your chairs: the shotgun is for those of you who wish to graduate early and earn extra credit in one fell swoop. For those who do not, there is an... introductory quiz? Hm?
Aah... voting for inclusion, is it? A private club?
Hmmmmm... I see! Certainly it is true that our daily lives are spent in a dangerous decline, and that for any good to come forth to aid the next generation we must implement a caste system of knowledge and tutelage. Iyaa, so many fine doctors and teachers here already; truly, some of the greatest scholars from all over the worlds. I am honoured to be included among your ranks; please, just tell me upon whom to cast my judgement and I shall do so forthwith, allowing me to concentrate on enjoying that glorious goal of tenure--
--eh? Me? What is all this...?
...
... ...
I'm in despair! This vote post, this disciplinary meeting has me in despair! That this modern society is so befouled by the vagaries of meritocracy and the disastrous mindlessness of buttons, that it would go so far as to assign everyone their worth based on the majority of the unwashed proletariat and their random whims has me in despair! Where are the essay questions? The quantitative proofs of factual knowledge? Those staples of education that through which we can prove our credentials?!
Where is the multiple choice?!
Poll Vote!
Character: Tifa Lockheart
Series: Final Fantasy VII (etc.)
Character Age: 22
Job: Official Distributor of Ass-Kicking / Self-defense instructor
Canon: How does one describe the UTTER SEXTACULAR ASSKICK that is FINAL FANTASY VII!? Should we focus on the huge swords, Our Daring Heroes, the DASTARDLY VILLAINS!? Nay, perhaps the stuffed toys who battle with megaphones, the crossdressing minigame, or the brightly-coloured chocobos! Whatever you want from an RPG, Final Fantasy VII probably has it, in all its blocky,badly translated glory. Cloud Strife, Our Hero, and his friends embark in an EPIC QUEST spanning three disks and an entire boatload of sequels, prequels, movies, and various spinoffs, fighting evil corporations, vanquishing mysterious and sexy black-caped men of all kinds, and just generally kicking ass all over the place.
Tifa Lockheart is Cloud's childhood friend and a valuable party member. From infiltrating the headquarters of a major corperation, to threatening to PUNCH A MAN IN THE BALLS for information, there doesn't seem to be anything Tifa won't do for what she believes in. She does have a softer side, though, and can be kind and gentle when the situation allows for it. Caring, determined, and helpful, Tifa is Here For You, and her definition of helping can range dramatically! Whether it's going on a magical journey through Cloud's mind to help make him not-crazy, taking care of adorable orphans, or just giving someone a good smack in the face when they need it, Tifa's your girl!
Sample Post:
...Nice place you got here! It's kind of a fixer-upper, but if you cut down on the zombies, maybe added a throw rug here and there, you'd have... a hideous, zombie-laden swamp with a throw rug in it. Which might not be any better, so never mind. Hello, everyone! I've been brought in by the Director to teach you campers self-defense. Well, that's one of my jobs. The other one is 'official distributor of ass-kicking'. It's too bad that you need someone to do that, and I hope I won't have to stay too busy with that job while I'm here. I'm sure you all want that too! So I'll focus on the self-defense for now.
Since I'm an experienced professional, I thought I'd give you all some tips that could come in handy the next time you go out! First, make sure to always have a party with you. It can be just one friend or two, but it's one of the most crucial things to remember. And make sure to go for the limbs when defending against zombies! A head and torso can hardly get at your brains. But if you'd rather take the offensive, it doesn't take much more than a good Limit Break to the face to send a zombie flying. Don't believe that? Check out this hole over here. Yeah, the one that that "drr drr drr" noise is coming from. This hole was made by me, using only a zombie. And even if you're not too strong, you can still hold your own against a monster in other ways. Knowing the weaknesses of your enemies is crucial! For example, a Cure spell can hit the undead pretty hard, but the toucans are only weak against... 'magical sparkle wai wai' spells, apparently. Maybe it would be better just to run if you ever come across a group of them.
Speaking of which, even though some of these creatures may look harmless, if you're not prepared to face them in battle, you'd be better off running. In large groups I've seen them reduce a cowbot to the gears in the space of two minutes-- Don't underestimate your enemies based on their appearances! Even if you think that little green monk with the lantern just wants a hug, get too close and you'll find yourself standing next to your last save point, wondering what went wrong. And if you're going anywhere near the lake? Before you go, make a note to be extra careful and equip yourself as well as possible! Armor that absorbs poison damage or an accessory that prevents the 'perma-uke' status effect should definitely be on your list. Remember, preparation now is much better than penetration later!
Finally, Moogles are your friend! Saving before heading off might not prevent accidents from happening, but it'll cut down on the people offering to sell you insurance. Speaking of which, 15% or no 15%, the next time that gecko harasses me I'm going to make it the focus of my other job. Consider that my warning! Camp is a dangerous place, but you can stop yourself from being a victim if you're careful. Keep your equipment updated, your materia equipped, and your eyes open! Then the next time a group of zombies attacks you, instead of tasting brains, they'll only be tasting your fists and defeat!
Poll Vote!
Character: William the Bloody a.k.a. Spike
Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Character Age: Somewhere between 120-140 (lol buffyverse) Appears to be in his late 20s.
Job: Morale Booster.
Canon: In every generation, there is a chosen one. A teenage girl whose sacred duty is to fight against vampires, werewolves and demons. This girl is Buffy, and Spike is one of the vampires she's meant to fight.
William was once a sweet, young man who enjoyed poetry, looked after his mum and crushed on the lovely rich girl. This lasted until a crazy vampire named Drusilla was allowed to get a new toy and William became Spike.
Spike is bad, he likes to be bad and he makes no apologies nor feels any remorse about it. Vampires are, in his view, a step up in the food chain. He will never say no to a good fight and, in fact, gets restless if he doesn't get a nice dose of violence once in a while. He is sarcastic, cocky, arrogant, loud and very annoying when he wants to be. It doesn't help that he's good at reading people and isn't above rubbing it in. Despite all these traits, he is, in his own words, love's bitch. He will do anything to be with the girl he loves, including tracking her down, chaining her up and torturing her until she loves him again. Or, you know, being tied up and tortured. Either works.
(Note: This is pre-season 4 Spike. Meaning he is still chip-free and... virile)
Sample app:
Bollocks! Now it's stuck in the swamp. Vaguely reminiscent of that movie with the dying horse and the crying kid, what was his name? Atreyu? 'cept my car is much better than a bloody horse... OH COME ON! You know what this place is missing? A sign. A nice, big "Welcome to Camp Fuck You Die" sign. It'd give it a warm, homey feel, you know? AND. I wouldn't be stuck in a swamp if I'd had a sign to run over.
Right then, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was a badass vampire-- wait, I still am! So, I was travelling the world, looking for my girlfriend, I miss her so, never met anyone else who could dance, kill, and sing like her. Anyway, I'm travelling, right? And then I come across this demon; very ugly and very big, not the sort of bloke you play kitten poker with. And he tells me I've been chosen by the Queen of Darkness. Come on, I don't want to be chosen. What kind of wanker wants to be chosen? I've had enough Chosen Ones to last a few lifetimes. And it ain't like I couldn't have taken him on, either but he goes and makes an offer. You know? The kind you can't refuse. So, I tell myself "Spike, it doesn't sound so bad; three meals a day, good fights, HBO, getting Dru back." I'm not picky, you know? So I take my car, drive up and get STUCK IN A SWAMP. Talk about fake advertisement. Either way, a deal with a demon is a deal with a demon. Better get this over with, eh folks?
Hmm... let's get the ball rollin' so to speak. Am sure we can work with what we have. First, I need a few volunteers. No harm'll come to you, scout's honour; I want my car out of that swamp and washed up. The windows need a touch up, there's a can of black paint and a brush in the trunk. Wouldn't want me to catch fire before I start workin' now, would we?
Name's Spike. I'm now in charge of the morale 'round here. In charge... I love it! "Spike: Morale counsellor" Heh. Has a nice ring to it. Oh, by the way, I eat people. BUT, I'm a nice, forgiving bloke; I won't eat you if you look happy, how's that sound? SO Perk up, children, make a circle. Sing a song! Make ole' Spikey proud of you. The jolly ones get to live another day.
Just so you know, I'm feeling a tad peckish.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kuchiki Byakuya
Series: Bleach
Character Age: Exact age is unknown, but at least a few hundred years old. Looks to be in his late-twenties to early thirties.
Job: Life Enrichment Counselor
Canon: Bleach is the story of a boy named Kurosaki Ichigo who, in a desperate situation, agrees to become a Shinigami (Soul Reaper). After that fateful incident his life is forever changed by the powers of shounen retardation and godmode. With the help of his friends, and sometimes enemies, he fights for JUSTICE!!1!; saving souls and kicking lots of Hollow (souls gone wild bad) butt.
Byakuya is a Shinigami and a captain of the Gotei 13 (13 Imperial Guards). He is extremely powerful and has some of the...prettier attacks in the series. Most of which involve cherry blossoms. He takes his duties very seriously, seeing each task through to the end no matter how small or menial it is. He is also head of one of the four noble families in Soul Society (where souls are sent after a person dies) and very much acts the part; full of pride, very calm and seemingly apathetic about everything regardless of what his feelings actually are. Despite his cool exterior, though, Byakuya cares a great deal about those important to him, especially his younger sister Rukia. It's also worth nothing that he does have a since of humor, albeit a very dry and detached one.
Sample Post:
Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Kuchiki Byakuya and I have been hired by the Director to be your Life Enrichment Counselor. Yes, I realize you're dead. So am I. But just because your bodies are rotting doesn't mean that you should let your minds go, too. So, in order to help you "enrich your lives," I have been given a list of several activities that I will teach over the course of my stay here. And while none of it may be practical for day to day use, it is nonetheless my job, and I am going to do it even if I don't quite understand why this was allowed by Soul Society.
First, we'll start off with flower arrangement.
I have supplied various containers as well as a few different types of flowers and plants. Unfortunately, Camp does not seem to have any of the more...traditional types used, but I was able to find a few...mostly suitable substitutes. Just be cautious of the flowers with the purple stems and the vines with the blue flowers. The liquid inside the former can cause you to catch fire and explode if it comes in contact with you, and the latter will try to crawl its way into your skin if you're not careful.
Now, what is most important in flower arrangement is color scheme, the harmony of the flowers and the simplicity of the design. Capturing the essence of the seasons is your goal. Since it is December, the season is obviously -- no, not "brains." It is neither "grr" nor "argh" either, although your participation has been duly noted. The word you are looking for is "winter." I want you to take in the atmosphere around you for a moment; the snow, the chill in the air. Envision this in your mind as you take up your first flower and -- not set yourself on fire. I did warn you that could happen. ...Perhaps we should try something a bit less...flammable.
Next will be an introductory lesson on... oh, this should be good ...tea ceremonies.
This is a bit more complicated and normally takes several years to master correctly. Therefore, I will only give a brief overview and then a demonstration. Now, as you can see, there are quite a few tools that are necessary. Of these tools, the -- sir, I must ask that please remove your hand from that tea cup. That is highly unsanitary. And you, with the missing eye, put down the tea powder at once. It is not something one just throws around -- and now you've lost your arm as well as the powder. No, put the flowers down this instant. You witnessed what happened to your friend and you were warned about how they could -- explode.
...Well. I think that will be enough for today. We will try again at a later date. Hopefully, you'll be better prepared to handle yourselves and the instructions I give you. Now, if you will please excuse me, I. Need to find out if zombie comes out of silk.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Dr Shamal
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Age: 35
Job: Gynecologist Camp Disease Specialist
Canon: Katekyo Hitman Reborn! follows a Japanese schoolboy who is on the path of becoming the head of an Italian mafia. Unsurprisingly, hilarious hijinxs occur including but not limited to: poison food as weapons, time travel via bazooka, and babies that walk, talk, and top you hard with a gun. But all joking aside, Reborn! focuses on young Sawada Tsunayoshi and his unwilling inheritance of becoming the next mafia boss of the Vongola family. Despite his protests, he inadvertently ends up collecting a group of unlikely family members and encounters very unique and strange characters from the mafia world.
Enter the illustrious Doctor Shamal, perverted womanizer and kissing fiend who just happens to also be one of the top assassins for the mafia. To say he’s fond of women is an understatement: he’s wanted in several countries for dating over 2000 women at the same time. He also preferentially treated women patients (over a million and counting) and shoos away any ailing male that comes in his path. Despite his skirt-chasing ways, Doctor Shamal is clever and calculating, never really being straightforward when it comes to serious matters and protecting himself. When he’s not out soliciting affections from women, he is better known as Trident Shamal, the deadly assassin who uses 666 incurable viruses, all of which he’s infected with, as his weapons and dispersing them by way of mosquitoes. And we’re not talking about the ebola virus or syphilis, either. These diseases include weird symptoms that cause someone to be incapacitated in the presence of cherry blossoms, die a horrible spastic death through seizures, or even death by embarrassment. Oh, and did I mention he was the one who brought Reborn into this world?
Sample Entry:
DIRECTOR-CHAAAAN~~ ♥ ♥ ♥! How I long to once again see your beautiful eyes glimmer like the eerie lake sheen as you ponder your next evil plot! I love that in a woman~, my coy darling, my muse, and I count the days till we meet again-- aha! There’s another beauty in the horizon! Come to Shamal, pretty woman, and let me give you a lovely kiss-- wait back up, what's wrong with your skin? Haven't been doing a good job exfoliating if you ask me. Uh, let's just forgo that kiss I mentioned and move on to just being friends. It's not you, it's me! And the fact that you're dead but who's counting? The spirit may be willing, but your flesh is weak.
Ah, seeing as I’ve just encountered a zombie, I must be at the right place. The name's Doctor Shamal, brought here by your lovely Director-chan for a very special purpose. This camp is breeding grounds for some unique viruses, and I've been brought over from Italy to offer some expert advice on the subject. 'To facilitate the treatment of patients growing a pair of feline auditory sensors and a prehensile tail and to ensure the minimization of trauma’, according to the contract. But really, I have got to hand it to you people… it's been over two years since the first wave of these viruses arrived in camp and none of you considered making a vaccine? I would almost think that you people enjoy being turned into a super sparkling transforming magical catgirl. Hey, it's your fetish, not mine.
Man, I've seen rare cases of the gender-switch virus, but never seen an epidemic in these proportions. Having the poor women of camp suffering in such a way, being trapped inside the bodies of foul, sweaty, prepubescent men is simply intolerable! Come to me, my little sweethearts, and I will be sure that you'll never have to endure another moment like that! Doctor Shamal will make sweet healing touches and make the pain go ~away~. But as for you men… with your newly-discovered figures, I really find that it's a vast aesthetic improvement! After all, my personal policy is against treating guys. Besides, every man wants his own pair of breasts to call his own, right?
Next up, we've got the rare De-aging disease running rampant around these parts. You kids are lucky, getting to experience your second childhood (or third, or fourth) without the repercussions of an old drooling body. But running around as children in this place is dangerous, especially with all these white vans around. Now don't you worry, since I know the perfect cure to the De-aging disease. For the ladies~(♥), a counter-effect of the Aging virus will cure that up in no time. For the men… now, I normally don’t treat them, but this time I’ll make the exception. I can pump you full of testosterone and you'll be back up to your usual self in no time! You’ll have to go through the usual rites of puberty again, but that’s the amusing part. For me, that is.
Well, if all else fails and you're still stuck as a random inanimate object, or a cute fuzzy animal, or worse yet, stuck in the body of your worst enemy, and you wish to end your misery? I'd be more than happy to send you off to the afterlife. I did need to find subjects to test my new viruses on anyway.
Poll Vote!
Have another round, guys~ |D We'll slow down in a bit, but we have 79 of these to go through so KEEP GOING STRONG!!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. We're good here. CLOSED!
Character name: Adiane the Elegant
Series:Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann (Break the Heavens, Gurren Lagann!)
Age: Unknown, appears in late 20's
Job: The Total Annihilation of Humanity
Canon: Gurren Lagann, Gainax's latest series, is about a handful of men and women not wearing shirts while they get in giant robots to fight against an army of furries. There's also some stuff about piercing the heavens and phallic symbols and believing in yourself and being GAR and then they go into space for a while, but mostly it's about fighting furries. Like every shounen series ever, our heroes have to overcome a set of four mid-bosses.
Adiane the Elegant is the second of the "Four Holy Generals": an insectoid woman with water-based strengths. She takes to her duties as a general of the "Human Annihilation Army" with an almost religious fervor, as she, like most Beastmen, views her creator/King, Lord Genome, as a god. Covered from head to foot in tattoos and prone to bouts of swearing that would put any South Park kid to shame, Adiane should not be considered your typical sexy shounen midboss. She has a short temper and long, sharp tail. A potent combination if one happens to be on her bad side. Which everyone is. Everyone. It may come as no shock, but she can be quite stubborn and impatient. That anger of hers can often get the best of her, and she is more than a little prone to letting it carry her away. Her hobbies include beating Viral while he delivers his status reports, being in a sexual relationship with a giant gorilla, commanding an army of fish-people, piloting a robot that talks out of its vagina and probably using her prehensile scorpion tail for "that."
Sample Post:
What pathetic bullshit is this?
A world over-ruled by humans. Ugh! The whole damn place reeks of them. Disgusting! Disgusting! Absolutely fucking disgusting! I, Adiane the Elegant, Holy General to the Sublime Helix King, will not allow such a revolting state of affairs to continue unchecked!!
Do not think that you have won so easily, filth. I have learned to use your foolish human "internets." Did you think you trapping the proud Beastman race within your world web would crush their spirits or smother the fire within their souls? Tche! With your internets under my control, I have learned all that I need to of your pathetic little play at society, and now it is time to end it. From the farthest corners of this Earth I shall call forth my brothers and sisters, and we will rise up and crush you.
This is your call to arms, Beastmen of the Internets! Those among you with some scraps of pride and any miniscule genitalia of whatever sort your species once came equipped with, to my side! In the name of Lord Genome and for the eternal glory of the Helix Empire, we shall take back what is ours, and crush humanity down once more. The blood of the humans will flow like wine! No longer shall you crawl on your bellies and grovel at the feet of men. (Unless you are from the Iguanaman tribe, in which case... well... I suppose you won't have to grovel anymore, at least. DON'T DISTRACT ME!)
And do not fool yourselves into thinking that humans and Beastmen can live together peacefully. A man taking a horse as his wife? Pah! The man should be so lucky. No self-respecting Equine would submit to such derision! Homosexuality would be one thing, but a human!? We are the superior race, crafted by the divine hands of the Helix King himself. To rule this land and keep those stinking naked monkeys in line is our birthright, nay, our duty!
So arise, my brothers! Stand tall, my sisters! Soon, those pathetic humans shall feel our wrath! It shall be they that weep and gnash their teeth and cry to the heavens for deliverance from our divine fursecution. Proud Beastmen, steel your hearts and hold fast your courage! For as those pathetic humans might say, tonight... we yiff in hell!!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Shinichi Chiaki
Series: Nodame Cantabile
Age: 22
Job: Camp Conductor/Harmonizer
Canon: Nodame Cantabile is the story of how to make beautiful music even if sometimes it means marching to the beat your own drum...or piano...or any other instrument really. In Chiaki's case it's trying to herd a bunch of off-kilter musicians into a workable orchestra while not losing his sanity in the process. In turn they teach him to accept how quirky natures can belie hidden talents, as well as helping him to take that conducting baton out of his ass. Throw in a giant mongoose mascot, a pervert maestro, some deep-seated phobias of flying, top it off with classical music and you've got the show in a nutshell.
At first glance, Chiaki is a standoffish know-it-all but he has the talents to back it up. A musical prodigy of violin and piano, with wealth, good looks and an ability to speak a few foreign languages, it's easy to see why he calls himself ore-sama (translated here as "my magnificent self") at times. It also explains his disdain for anyone who can't match his levels of perfection. Only after meeting fellow pianist, Noda "Nodame" Megumi, does he begin to soften and accept others' differences. Very necessary since Nodame's lack of hygiene, toxic cooking, and declaring herself to be Chiaki's wife are enough to try the patience of saints. But they end up becoming close because underneath that gruff and elitist exterior Chiaki is actually a nice guy who can be topped by simple things like excessive whining or a heated kotatsu.
He's is being apped from the end of the live action drama.
Stop! Stop! Stop! How can you call yourselves an orchestra when you haven't even mastered Reveille? The score isn't a page long and already you're making mistakes! When Director Sayre told me I had to come and fill in for the loudspeaker I didn't think the level would be this bad. Your First Sergeant's Call is slow, and all you want to do is tap this and tap that. It's Taps not tap, and nobody is tapping anything except for my baton stick until you start shaping up.
Clarinet! Put your jaw back in place! Contrabass! When I said to keep an eye on your fingering I didn't mean to take it out of the socket and rest it on your knee! Oboes, your reeds are bad, replace them. I know you have to whittle your own but don't go to the lake itself to pluck out some extra. This is a music camp, not a scavenger hunt. You, the timpani player! Waldo, is it? Stop hiding behind the cellos. I can still see your beats are off. And all of you-! ...ahem, and all of you should bathe sometime. This is a public performance, and you smell like you've rolled around in Nodame's room before practice.
Speaking of Nodame, where is she? The only reason I'm in this backwater and it's so bad there's actual water... place is because she's the only person I know who could possibly mix up France with the United States. Even Qubec could possibly be explained, but these things are entire worlds apart, like classical and country music. But if I've learned anything in Japan, I'm going to learn whatever I can from studying abroad. Even if it involves dueling banjos. Just remember, if you follow my magnificent self you'll become better too! So you too should put everything you have into entertaining the audience. They should be moved when you- ...no, not all your limbs in a pile. I meant what's inside. Insides that are not major organs.
Now, let's start again. Reveille is a short piece, it should be played with vigor and enthusiasm. When you hear it you'll want to get up and greet the day because of opportunity, not because a gorilla is going to restring your instruments if you don't double time it. So, stand! Stand and salute...
Is. Are those my shorts?
Poll Vote!
Character: Nozomu Itoshiki
Series: Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei
Age: 2x
Job: Emergency Management Officer
Canon: Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei is the charming and heartwarming story of the fated meeting between a depressed teacher and his star pupil, and the way in which this meeting shapes and enriches their lives. Only the teacher was hanging himself at the time. And the girl thinks he just wants to be taller, because suicidal people couldn't possibly exist. And the other girl with a crush on him is an obsessive stalker. And the split-personality American is going to sue. And there's a small adorable Mexican girl swinging from the rafters. And it's not so much 'enrich' as 'drive to despair'.
Despair is a good word for teacher Nozomu Itoshiki. A cynical and bitter eye for the worst in everyone, together with a stellar run of poor luck and even poorer judgement, have combined to make the hapless teacher something of a wreck. Fast to decry... well, anything, he's actually quite clever and wordy when he isn't busy being tugged from one bout of depressive hysteria to another, or lecturing at length about twisted and inverted life lessons. His mind has a tendency to run off along odd tangents, make nonsensical leaps of logic, and break the fourth wall on a whim - these qualities are attributable both to his frayed nerves and his being from a series famous for metahumor.
Sample Post:
So then, today's lesson on emergency management! You are all aware of the impending danger we face from the horrors of the lake in the middle of camp. The danger is two-fold; for one! Any baby rendered too clean by water cannot build up the essential natural resistances to dirt, grime and bacteria, and will endure a lasting death at the hands of prideful parents! For two! That deadly harbinger, radiation, envelops all in her acidic wake, an inexorable end!
How, then, to manage such a situation? There is only one course of action! Only one way to free yourself from such an inevitable struggle! One must choose the quick death! Otherwise your flesh will wilt from radiation! Otherwise your body will decay! Otherwise your bones will bleach in the sun! The only sensible option to retain your dignity and to be interred in the proper manner is to die - before it is too late!
Ah? My, that was a fast period. Very well; next week we shall discuss the perils of the internet. In the meantime! You will each please find a box by your chairs: the shotgun is for those of you who wish to graduate early and earn extra credit in one fell swoop. For those who do not, there is an... introductory quiz? Hm?
Aah... voting for inclusion, is it? A private club?
Hmmmmm... I see! Certainly it is true that our daily lives are spent in a dangerous decline, and that for any good to come forth to aid the next generation we must implement a caste system of knowledge and tutelage. Iyaa, so many fine doctors and teachers here already; truly, some of the greatest scholars from all over the worlds. I am honoured to be included among your ranks; please, just tell me upon whom to cast my judgement and I shall do so forthwith, allowing me to concentrate on enjoying that glorious goal of tenure--
--eh? Me? What is all this...?
...
... ...
I'm in despair! This vote post, this disciplinary meeting has me in despair! That this modern society is so befouled by the vagaries of meritocracy and the disastrous mindlessness of buttons, that it would go so far as to assign everyone their worth based on the majority of the unwashed proletariat and their random whims has me in despair! Where are the essay questions? The quantitative proofs of factual knowledge? Those staples of education that through which we can prove our credentials?!
Where is the multiple choice?!
Poll Vote!
Character: Tifa Lockheart
Series: Final Fantasy VII (etc.)
Character Age: 22
Job: Official Distributor of Ass-Kicking / Self-defense instructor
Canon: How does one describe the UTTER SEXTACULAR ASSKICK that is FINAL FANTASY VII!? Should we focus on the huge swords, Our Daring Heroes, the DASTARDLY VILLAINS!? Nay, perhaps the stuffed toys who battle with megaphones, the crossdressing minigame, or the brightly-coloured chocobos! Whatever you want from an RPG, Final Fantasy VII probably has it, in all its blocky,badly translated glory. Cloud Strife, Our Hero, and his friends embark in an EPIC QUEST spanning three disks and an entire boatload of sequels, prequels, movies, and various spinoffs, fighting evil corporations, vanquishing mysterious and sexy black-caped men of all kinds, and just generally kicking ass all over the place.
Tifa Lockheart is Cloud's childhood friend and a valuable party member. From infiltrating the headquarters of a major corperation, to threatening to PUNCH A MAN IN THE BALLS for information, there doesn't seem to be anything Tifa won't do for what she believes in. She does have a softer side, though, and can be kind and gentle when the situation allows for it. Caring, determined, and helpful, Tifa is Here For You, and her definition of helping can range dramatically! Whether it's going on a magical journey through Cloud's mind to help make him not-crazy, taking care of adorable orphans, or just giving someone a good smack in the face when they need it, Tifa's your girl!
Sample Post:
...Nice place you got here! It's kind of a fixer-upper, but if you cut down on the zombies, maybe added a throw rug here and there, you'd have... a hideous, zombie-laden swamp with a throw rug in it. Which might not be any better, so never mind. Hello, everyone! I've been brought in by the Director to teach you campers self-defense. Well, that's one of my jobs. The other one is 'official distributor of ass-kicking'. It's too bad that you need someone to do that, and I hope I won't have to stay too busy with that job while I'm here. I'm sure you all want that too! So I'll focus on the self-defense for now.
Since I'm an experienced professional, I thought I'd give you all some tips that could come in handy the next time you go out! First, make sure to always have a party with you. It can be just one friend or two, but it's one of the most crucial things to remember. And make sure to go for the limbs when defending against zombies! A head and torso can hardly get at your brains. But if you'd rather take the offensive, it doesn't take much more than a good Limit Break to the face to send a zombie flying. Don't believe that? Check out this hole over here. Yeah, the one that that "drr drr drr" noise is coming from. This hole was made by me, using only a zombie. And even if you're not too strong, you can still hold your own against a monster in other ways. Knowing the weaknesses of your enemies is crucial! For example, a Cure spell can hit the undead pretty hard, but the toucans are only weak against... 'magical sparkle wai wai' spells, apparently. Maybe it would be better just to run if you ever come across a group of them.
Speaking of which, even though some of these creatures may look harmless, if you're not prepared to face them in battle, you'd be better off running. In large groups I've seen them reduce a cowbot to the gears in the space of two minutes-- Don't underestimate your enemies based on their appearances! Even if you think that little green monk with the lantern just wants a hug, get too close and you'll find yourself standing next to your last save point, wondering what went wrong. And if you're going anywhere near the lake? Before you go, make a note to be extra careful and equip yourself as well as possible! Armor that absorbs poison damage or an accessory that prevents the 'perma-uke' status effect should definitely be on your list. Remember, preparation now is much better than penetration later!
Finally, Moogles are your friend! Saving before heading off might not prevent accidents from happening, but it'll cut down on the people offering to sell you insurance. Speaking of which, 15% or no 15%, the next time that gecko harasses me I'm going to make it the focus of my other job. Consider that my warning! Camp is a dangerous place, but you can stop yourself from being a victim if you're careful. Keep your equipment updated, your materia equipped, and your eyes open! Then the next time a group of zombies attacks you, instead of tasting brains, they'll only be tasting your fists and defeat!
Poll Vote!
Character: William the Bloody a.k.a. Spike
Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Character Age: Somewhere between 120-140 (lol buffyverse) Appears to be in his late 20s.
Job: Morale Booster.
Canon: In every generation, there is a chosen one. A teenage girl whose sacred duty is to fight against vampires, werewolves and demons. This girl is Buffy, and Spike is one of the vampires she's meant to fight.
William was once a sweet, young man who enjoyed poetry, looked after his mum and crushed on the lovely rich girl. This lasted until a crazy vampire named Drusilla was allowed to get a new toy and William became Spike.
Spike is bad, he likes to be bad and he makes no apologies nor feels any remorse about it. Vampires are, in his view, a step up in the food chain. He will never say no to a good fight and, in fact, gets restless if he doesn't get a nice dose of violence once in a while. He is sarcastic, cocky, arrogant, loud and very annoying when he wants to be. It doesn't help that he's good at reading people and isn't above rubbing it in. Despite all these traits, he is, in his own words, love's bitch. He will do anything to be with the girl he loves, including tracking her down, chaining her up and torturing her until she loves him again. Or, you know, being tied up and tortured. Either works.
(Note: This is pre-season 4 Spike. Meaning he is still chip-free and... virile)
Sample app:
Bollocks! Now it's stuck in the swamp. Vaguely reminiscent of that movie with the dying horse and the crying kid, what was his name? Atreyu? 'cept my car is much better than a bloody horse... OH COME ON! You know what this place is missing? A sign. A nice, big "Welcome to Camp Fuck You Die" sign. It'd give it a warm, homey feel, you know? AND. I wouldn't be stuck in a swamp if I'd had a sign to run over.
Right then, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was a badass vampire-- wait, I still am! So, I was travelling the world, looking for my girlfriend, I miss her so, never met anyone else who could dance, kill, and sing like her. Anyway, I'm travelling, right? And then I come across this demon; very ugly and very big, not the sort of bloke you play kitten poker with. And he tells me I've been chosen by the Queen of Darkness. Come on, I don't want to be chosen. What kind of wanker wants to be chosen? I've had enough Chosen Ones to last a few lifetimes. And it ain't like I couldn't have taken him on, either but he goes and makes an offer. You know? The kind you can't refuse. So, I tell myself "Spike, it doesn't sound so bad; three meals a day, good fights, HBO, getting Dru back." I'm not picky, you know? So I take my car, drive up and get STUCK IN A SWAMP. Talk about fake advertisement. Either way, a deal with a demon is a deal with a demon. Better get this over with, eh folks?
Hmm... let's get the ball rollin' so to speak. Am sure we can work with what we have. First, I need a few volunteers. No harm'll come to you, scout's honour; I want my car out of that swamp and washed up. The windows need a touch up, there's a can of black paint and a brush in the trunk. Wouldn't want me to catch fire before I start workin' now, would we?
Name's Spike. I'm now in charge of the morale 'round here. In charge... I love it! "Spike: Morale counsellor" Heh. Has a nice ring to it. Oh, by the way, I eat people. BUT, I'm a nice, forgiving bloke; I won't eat you if you look happy, how's that sound? SO Perk up, children, make a circle. Sing a song! Make ole' Spikey proud of you. The jolly ones get to live another day.
Just so you know, I'm feeling a tad peckish.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kuchiki Byakuya
Series: Bleach
Character Age: Exact age is unknown, but at least a few hundred years old. Looks to be in his late-twenties to early thirties.
Job: Life Enrichment Counselor
Canon: Bleach is the story of a boy named Kurosaki Ichigo who, in a desperate situation, agrees to become a Shinigami (Soul Reaper). After that fateful incident his life is forever changed by the powers of shounen retardation and godmode. With the help of his friends, and sometimes enemies, he fights for JUSTICE!!1!; saving souls and kicking lots of Hollow (souls gone wild bad) butt.
Byakuya is a Shinigami and a captain of the Gotei 13 (13 Imperial Guards). He is extremely powerful and has some of the...prettier attacks in the series. Most of which involve cherry blossoms. He takes his duties very seriously, seeing each task through to the end no matter how small or menial it is. He is also head of one of the four noble families in Soul Society (where souls are sent after a person dies) and very much acts the part; full of pride, very calm and seemingly apathetic about everything regardless of what his feelings actually are. Despite his cool exterior, though, Byakuya cares a great deal about those important to him, especially his younger sister Rukia. It's also worth nothing that he does have a since of humor, albeit a very dry and detached one.
Sample Post:
Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Kuchiki Byakuya and I have been hired by the Director to be your Life Enrichment Counselor. Yes, I realize you're dead. So am I. But just because your bodies are rotting doesn't mean that you should let your minds go, too. So, in order to help you "enrich your lives," I have been given a list of several activities that I will teach over the course of my stay here. And while none of it may be practical for day to day use, it is nonetheless my job, and I am going to do it even if I don't quite understand why this was allowed by Soul Society.
First, we'll start off with flower arrangement.
I have supplied various containers as well as a few different types of flowers and plants. Unfortunately, Camp does not seem to have any of the more...traditional types used, but I was able to find a few...mostly suitable substitutes. Just be cautious of the flowers with the purple stems and the vines with the blue flowers. The liquid inside the former can cause you to catch fire and explode if it comes in contact with you, and the latter will try to crawl its way into your skin if you're not careful.
Now, what is most important in flower arrangement is color scheme, the harmony of the flowers and the simplicity of the design. Capturing the essence of the seasons is your goal. Since it is December, the season is obviously -- no, not "brains." It is neither "grr" nor "argh" either, although your participation has been duly noted. The word you are looking for is "winter." I want you to take in the atmosphere around you for a moment; the snow, the chill in the air. Envision this in your mind as you take up your first flower and -- not set yourself on fire. I did warn you that could happen. ...Perhaps we should try something a bit less...flammable.
Next will be an introductory lesson on... oh, this should be good ...tea ceremonies.
This is a bit more complicated and normally takes several years to master correctly. Therefore, I will only give a brief overview and then a demonstration. Now, as you can see, there are quite a few tools that are necessary. Of these tools, the -- sir, I must ask that please remove your hand from that tea cup. That is highly unsanitary. And you, with the missing eye, put down the tea powder at once. It is not something one just throws around -- and now you've lost your arm as well as the powder. No, put the flowers down this instant. You witnessed what happened to your friend and you were warned about how they could -- explode.
...Well. I think that will be enough for today. We will try again at a later date. Hopefully, you'll be better prepared to handle yourselves and the instructions I give you. Now, if you will please excuse me, I. Need to find out if zombie comes out of silk.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Dr Shamal
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Age: 35
Job: Gynecologist Camp Disease Specialist
Canon: Katekyo Hitman Reborn! follows a Japanese schoolboy who is on the path of becoming the head of an Italian mafia. Unsurprisingly, hilarious hijinxs occur including but not limited to: poison food as weapons, time travel via bazooka, and babies that walk, talk, and top you hard with a gun. But all joking aside, Reborn! focuses on young Sawada Tsunayoshi and his unwilling inheritance of becoming the next mafia boss of the Vongola family. Despite his protests, he inadvertently ends up collecting a group of unlikely family members and encounters very unique and strange characters from the mafia world.
Enter the illustrious Doctor Shamal, perverted womanizer and kissing fiend who just happens to also be one of the top assassins for the mafia. To say he’s fond of women is an understatement: he’s wanted in several countries for dating over 2000 women at the same time. He also preferentially treated women patients (over a million and counting) and shoos away any ailing male that comes in his path. Despite his skirt-chasing ways, Doctor Shamal is clever and calculating, never really being straightforward when it comes to serious matters and protecting himself. When he’s not out soliciting affections from women, he is better known as Trident Shamal, the deadly assassin who uses 666 incurable viruses, all of which he’s infected with, as his weapons and dispersing them by way of mosquitoes. And we’re not talking about the ebola virus or syphilis, either. These diseases include weird symptoms that cause someone to be incapacitated in the presence of cherry blossoms, die a horrible spastic death through seizures, or even death by embarrassment. Oh, and did I mention he was the one who brought Reborn into this world?
Sample Entry:
DIRECTOR-CHAAAAN~~ ♥ ♥ ♥! How I long to once again see your beautiful eyes glimmer like the eerie lake sheen as you ponder your next evil plot! I love that in a woman~, my coy darling, my muse, and I count the days till we meet again-- aha! There’s another beauty in the horizon! Come to Shamal, pretty woman, and let me give you a lovely kiss-- wait back up, what's wrong with your skin? Haven't been doing a good job exfoliating if you ask me. Uh, let's just forgo that kiss I mentioned and move on to just being friends. It's not you, it's me! And the fact that you're dead but who's counting? The spirit may be willing, but your flesh is weak.
Ah, seeing as I’ve just encountered a zombie, I must be at the right place. The name's Doctor Shamal, brought here by your lovely Director-chan for a very special purpose. This camp is breeding grounds for some unique viruses, and I've been brought over from Italy to offer some expert advice on the subject. 'To facilitate the treatment of patients growing a pair of feline auditory sensors and a prehensile tail and to ensure the minimization of trauma’, according to the contract. But really, I have got to hand it to you people… it's been over two years since the first wave of these viruses arrived in camp and none of you considered making a vaccine? I would almost think that you people enjoy being turned into a super sparkling transforming magical catgirl. Hey, it's your fetish, not mine.
Man, I've seen rare cases of the gender-switch virus, but never seen an epidemic in these proportions. Having the poor women of camp suffering in such a way, being trapped inside the bodies of foul, sweaty, prepubescent men is simply intolerable! Come to me, my little sweethearts, and I will be sure that you'll never have to endure another moment like that! Doctor Shamal will make sweet healing touches and make the pain go ~away~. But as for you men… with your newly-discovered figures, I really find that it's a vast aesthetic improvement! After all, my personal policy is against treating guys. Besides, every man wants his own pair of breasts to call his own, right?
Next up, we've got the rare De-aging disease running rampant around these parts. You kids are lucky, getting to experience your second childhood (or third, or fourth) without the repercussions of an old drooling body. But running around as children in this place is dangerous, especially with all these white vans around. Now don't you worry, since I know the perfect cure to the De-aging disease. For the ladies~(♥), a counter-effect of the Aging virus will cure that up in no time. For the men… now, I normally don’t treat them, but this time I’ll make the exception. I can pump you full of testosterone and you'll be back up to your usual self in no time! You’ll have to go through the usual rites of puberty again, but that’s the amusing part. For me, that is.
Well, if all else fails and you're still stuck as a random inanimate object, or a cute fuzzy animal, or worse yet, stuck in the body of your worst enemy, and you wish to end your misery? I'd be more than happy to send you off to the afterlife. I did need to find subjects to test my new viruses on anyway.
Poll Vote!