(no subject)
whup, time for another batch. TWO MORE AFTER THIS ONE.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. C-c-closed!
Character Name: Sugiura Midori
Series: My-HiME
Age: 24
Job: Sentai Leader of LOVE AND JUSTICE
Canon: There's something suspicious happening at Fuuka Academy. Bits of the surrounding forest burning down overnight? Accidents being covered up by shady organizations? The general student populace is left to wonder, but one group of girls knows what's up--because they're the ones at the center of it all. These are the HiMEs, possessing Highly-advanced Materializing Equipment, summoning weapons and animalistic battle companions out of thin air to defeat Orphans, a shadowy and mysterious threat from another dimension. It's their sparkly and action-packed destiny!
Sugiura Midori is the eldest of these HiME, although half the time she certainly doesn't act like it. She's a little childish, obsessed with dramatic flair and sentai shows (similar to Power Rangers), and insists she's 17 years old, even when she's a graduate student substitute teaching at a high school who likes to go out drinking in her spare time. Despite this, however, when the going gets tough her maturity shows through, and she's one of the only ones who can keep a level head during a crisis. She's also a huge history nerd, geeking over archaeology, classic literature, and even older men, to the point of completely derailing herself from whatever she happened to have been doing.
Sample Post:
Never fear, Camp Bound to be Edited by Network Censors!
From the darkness of your swamp of despair comes a shining light of hope!
The one indication of the spring that shall come at the end of winter...
Sugiura Midori!
Haha, wowed by my dramatic entrance, eh? I'd hope I've had enough time to perfect it; I've only been waiting to get into this place for months! I've been applying each and every time! But nooooo, that's against the rules, they say! Too OLD, they say! Come on, I look seventeen to you, right?
Well, it all works out in the end. I'm now one of your camp counselors! But don't go jumping to conclusions just yet! I'm not one of those boring counselors who's going to tell you how to sew or swim or how to bribe bears or something--although those are very handy skills, I SURPASS THEM ALL! No need to sew with transformation sequences! No need to worry about swimming when your robots shall transport you safely! No bargaining with bears when you can SMITE THEM WITH AN ASSAULT OF JUSTICE! And when the aliens come down and insist that they be taken to your leader, you'll know exactly where to go! (That would be me, in case you didn't catch it. ♥)
I will require a band of youths who understand the values of love, justice, and friendship! Together, we will form the greatest sentai team of all time! Far into the future, people will tell the tale of the magnificent Louisiana Camp Rangers, Triumphant over Zombies and Assorted Terrifying Beasties Everywhere! Since there are a lot of talented, courageous young people here at this summer camp, I'll even open up the palette a little to give you all a chance! So maybe one of you will be stuck as the Puke Green Ranger, but hey, no complaining as long as you've got a spot! Also, you'll have to understand that I'm used to manning an operation that's a little more come-as-you-are, you know? So, uh, those transformation sequences, robots, and assaults of justice? If you could provide those on your own, that'd be super. Hey! Silence! True heroes overcome such obstacles! It's character development!
Any further questions~? What, you mean some of you don't even know what sentai means? You should have said so earlier! Sentai is the soul of the free and just! The apotheosis of good versus evil! The crown jewel of Saturday morning television! You must have been living under a rock or something... Oh, well. I suppose if you're from centuries past, you wouldn't know... wait a minute. You're seriously from centuries past? As in, "hey, that pot that you dug up on that archaeological dig belonged to my dear old auntie" level of ancient? Oh. Oh my. Oh my God.
You kiddies keep fighting over what colors you're going to be, all right? Your leader is going to be brushing up on her history~! ♥
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Illyria
Series: Angel the Series
Age: Ancient, but is in the body of a woman in her mid-twenties
Job: Leadership Counselor
Canon: There once was a girl named Fred. She we
sweet and smart and well loved by all. And then she died. Painfully.
As an ancient demon god destroyed her soul and took over her body.
That demon was Illyria. Godking of the primordium. Shaper of things.
Or so she calls herself. Obviously powerful, she has supernatural
strength, the ability to manipulate time, travel dimensions, and talk
to plants. She can also taste and smell human emotions. And she thinks
they're gross.
Illyria, unlike her body's predecessor, is arrogant, disdainful and
violent. She hates the fact that humans are now in power of the world
she once ruled, and makes her opinion known often in the form of
highly descriptive angry rants about what things were like "in her
day."
Sample Post:
What insolence is this? I am brought here to this…encampment. Handed a
human weapon and a machine by walking corpses. Useless things. I
crushed them all beneath my feet. But the machine regenerated itself.
Multiple times. I have grown weary of destroying it. I will not fall
prey to human trickery designed to frustrate me.
It is wrong here. This place should not be. Its very existence is an
abomination. It is misplaced in time. Dimensions converge to
create…muck.
…It is foul. Disgusting. It stinks of magics, misused and run
wild, left too long to their own devices. Built upon human grief and
bitterness. The stench of it permeates everything here. I taste it
everywhere. The putrid waste of human emotions. The corpses smell
better than your worthless self-pity. Have you no other goal than to
wallow in it? Vile creatures. I have seen a world full of shrimp with
more ambition.
And yet my reason for being here is to teach you the ways of
leadership. Absurd. If you need to be instructed, you have already
failed. Does the sun need to be taught to burn? Even these zombies
know how to eat flesh. Do you see? Do you see how your emotions weaken
you? How your petty morality dulls what few pathetic instincts you
had?
To be a leader is to win. To conquer. Defeat is not an option.
Compromise is not an option. If you want to rule you must destroy any
who stand in your way. Tear the world asunder until it trembles,
begging to live in the shadow of your glory.
If you can comprehend that simple truth, then perhaps there is a
chance you can do something other than fail. I will test you to see if
you understand. If you pass, perhaps I will consider aiding you in the
honing of your instincts. I will even make the first trial simple.
Persistence. Even your ridiculous machinery can accomplish that. Can
you?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kuhn
Series: Hack G.U.
Character Age: 24
Job: Erroneous Courtship Instructor
Canon: Hack G.U. exists for two reasons; the first is to prove that all ten-year olds will grow up to be, or already are bugfuck crazy. The second is to remind us what we already know about the internet and its business (that or to teach us that should one see something weird like a fully-bipedal gorilla one should have a nice chat with them, or kill them). Game-wise the universe is one set in the future where people play an online rpg called “the world”, sometimes even while doing something important like one’s job. This doesn’t seem to be too much of a distraction though, and all the players really have to worry about is being killed frequently online, and occasionally being put in comas offline. Standard bugs really. The company running the game is trying to work on this problem by generally making the situation worse, and recruiting people to help fix both the old and new problems.
Kuhn is one of those poor bastards players who’s been enlisted to help out with the problem, and in turn is under the thumb of not only an amoral boss, but also his less-amoral-but-more-dominating co-worker. This doesn’t stop him from engaging in one of his favorite hobbies, trying to find a girlfriend. People tend to think of Kuhn as mainly a pervert, and this is mostly true, but he does have a very strong sense of honor, and refuses to make a move on anything that isn’t legal. And also while his is fond of anything female, just not every single one of them he wants to date. An optimist and upbeat by nature, when he’s feeling upset he tends to hide it behind a smile and not let others have to deal with his problems. All in all he’s the type to lend a helping hand, just not so much if he’s on a date. Also sadly yes, the emoticons are cannon.
Sample Post:
Welcome back, guys, to Sniper Kuhn’s lessons in romance! Now for those of you who missed the first class, your guild leader asked me to help out with the relationship problems you were having, and how could a nice guy like me say “no”? …But if you do see her, could you tell her that she didn’t have to laugh that much in the e-mail?
In any case yesterday we went over getting to know someone and even how to get them look past a decaying exterior and at who you truly are, which I think might be a good deal of the problem here. Now don’t worry if you weren’t here yesterday, I can send you the basics of the lesson via e-mail. And I’m here if you need to catch-up in person. But let’s move on to today’s lesson: the first date.
Lets say that you’ve gotten that special someone to say ‘yes’; It’s important to make sure the date goes perfect, because let’s face it, if you say the wrong thing and she gets away it’s hard to ask for forgiveness when your character can’t catch up. For things to say, I find the old lines are the best. Just a side note though, when you promise a girl your heart or say you only have eyes for her, don’t really give her your organs.
You should choose a nice place where you’re not likely to encounter any monsters and enjoy the stars. It’s always romantic to bring up the sounds of the natural world, even if they are the blood-thirsty howls of creatures best left to the imagination. Besides; if she gets scared it gives you a chance to show just how you can protect her, and girls love that. ;)
But if you’re not up for a stroll in the woods there’s always the lake, it’s a perfect spot for a picnic and reflecting on how lucky you and your special someone are to be enjoying that moment together. Now if the lake beast decides to join in it’s a good idea to cut the date short; even though you may want to show her how heroic and strong you are… well let’s just say that it’s not the best idea to stick around. Trust me when I say that no matter what your level, the outcome isn’t going to be good.
But afterwards when you’re showing her to her cabin comes the most important part; the kiss goodnight can be the deal breaker between having a second date, and her calling her friends out to defend her honor. Of course, it's never happened to me before...heh...
Right! So the first thing is to gently take her into your arms- well this really needs a visual example so let me pick someone who- y-you’re all men. Well uh, I guess this won’t be so bad if I think it’s someone else… you! The most feminine one, come on up and lets show these guys how it’s done! quickly
As I was saying you take your “special lady” and hold her gently, making sure she’s alright with that sort of closeness first. Then tilt her head up; looking deeply into her uh, eye sockets and lean down to-
-Now guys this is one of those things I was going to bring up later; trying to bite the other person’s skull is for most people a bit of a turn-off. :(
Poll Vote!
Character name: Lancia
Series: Reborn!
Age: 25
Job: Camp Nanny
Canon: Reborn! A world of infant assassins and special bullets that can bring out a person's dormant talent rather than kill them. In this world, the strong survive, and the weak overcome the problems holding back their full potential to trounce the stronger in the deciding battles. Special rings, special abilities, and very special children dominate the forefront of the Mafia families. In such a place, strength is not measured in physical prowess alone -- but it does help... unless you happen to be a young child. Then it helps to be able to possess the mind of a demonically strong bodyguard, force him into killing his beloved family, toy with his life and deny him death until his will is completely broken and he has become a perfect killing tool -- a marionette to be used and discarded at a whim. Then your name would be Rokudou Mukuro (and you'd probably be laughing right about now).
Infamously known as the strongest fighter and bodyguard in northern Italy, Lancia possesses a powerful presence, a fearsome appearance, and a Herculean strength, allowing him to crush even large numbers of elite opponents in battle. The truth is, however, that he is a very gentle person, befriended by children and Jesii who can easily sense his kindness despite his harsh appearance. Completely loyal to those companions who earn his trust and respect, he bears a deep guilt and sorrow due to his role in the murder of his entire Mafia family. Repenting of that incident, he struggles through each day to once again become the reliable person he had been. Somewhat of a recovering head case, he maintains an expression difficult to read and does not often say more than is necessary. He is a kind, older-brother figure, who hides behind his gruffness and doesn't quite understand why children like him anyway.
Sample Entry:
To arrive in such a place already anticipated was unexpected. The Sayre family here is weak and ill tended, and their boss should be condemned for the state in which she has kept them. Such as things are, I will not accept the offer I received to join with them; a boss who does not care for her family is someone I will never acknowledge. Part of caring for your people is letting them go -- to deny them the peace of death and force them into this non-life is an abomination.
That alone is enough to refuse her most things, though this position they offered me is nearly as insulting. My strength is best suited to the job of being a bodyguard. I am familiar with the necessary skills of that position, and I'm well known by them. I have no training as a... nanny. I have little experience with children and no desire to learn the trade. Even the uniform presented to me is far from acceptable. No self-respecting man would wear an apron and mob cap, much less the maid's dress and petticoat. No dignified boss would ask that of him either. They must be French.
For now, I'm looking for someone better able to care for these children. They were found in the woods fighting and chewing on each other, and even though they are no more alive the others, they should have someone to look after them. They are quite weak and unable to fend for themselves. They won't bite... though they may try. It was an unfortunate thing that I didn't realize they were just children when they attacked, but I have their teeth if their guardians show up to claim them. They're easily distracted with the brain-shaped candy they were fighting over before seeing me, and the occasional gumming doesn't hurt -- though their smell is pervasive and the drool burns a little.
I cannot leave them unattended, so until someone more suitable for this family is located I will stay to protect them. I assume there is a place to reside for a time as well as food and other accommodations. They will need something more substantial than candy to eat. If there is a kitchen, it should have something soft, ice cream or jello or pudding. We will need a secure place to sleep -- large enough to allow them to play, and beds for the children, if the dead even require sleep. Still, maybe a visit from the tooth fairy would be good for tonight.
... Find someone else soon. I will not be bothered to stay here for long.
Poll Vote!
Name: Ohtori Akio
Series: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Age: Old enough for it to be statutory rape.
Job: Drivers' Sex Ed Instructor
Canon: What can I say about Utena? It's got half-naked boys, all-naked girls, and a great deal of what we like to call 'symbolism.' Or, to put it another way, “That scene in Lord Of The Flies where the pig-sticking is supposed to be penetration and loss of virginity? This totally just blew that out of the water.” If only high schools let us watch Utena to learn about symbolism.
At the heart of the chaos is Ohtori Akio, the Chairman. Though he seems completely harmless at first, the man has been behind the scenes, manipulating everyone for years and years without ever missing a beat. Even this most recent run-through with Utena seems to be just one of many other attempts he's done, cycles which last for years and years before reaching a conclusion.
But even as thoroughly manipulative and cold-hearted as he is, it's hard to see past his sexy, sexy exterior. The constant flirting and innuendos mean that women have a hard time resisting him, and the aura of power keeps the men interested. Besides, when he takes you for a ride in his car, well, you'll never be the same again.
Sample Post:
Well, well. This is certainly a step down from my normal accommodations but I suppose they shall suffice for the time being. It seems my presence has been requested here, at the behest of a particular most striking woman. I believe you know her as the Director. She has a certain, shall we say, way about her that I find most fascinating. I do so love a forceful woman.
Your welcoming committee certainly leaves much lacking. While I understand and respect that resources are limited, it is always important to take the time to properly train your employees. I'm afraid I had to get quite rough with a few, but it seems as though they don't particularly mind. I am positive that with the proper application of discipline and an increased diet of Rohypnol, your young men and women in the forest will be changed for the better. Being too sparing with your drugs seems to be your problem thus far.
Ah, but I am being rude. I have not yet introduced myself! My name is Ohtori Akio, and I have come to aid the campers that reside here in any way possible. Specifically, of course, I am to be your Driving Sex instructor, but such individualized attention must wait until I have gotten to know each and every one of you very well.
And that, of course, must wait until I have found an office to work out of. Once I am settled in, though, I do invite all of you to come for me whenever you feel the urge. I promise, I will make your visit most satisfactory, whether you have need of only a short visit, or a prolonged consultation. In a kind gesture, the Director has even given me a phone for emergencies. The number, 1-900-SEX-MOBL, and shall be posted for anyone's use. After all, I am here to serve.
Now then. Who would like to be the first to ride Ohtori? The car, of course. What did you think I meant?
Poll Vote!
Name: Albedo Piazzolla
Canon: Xenosaga
Age: 27
Job: Sociology Instructor
Canon: Xenosaga is the epic tale of a group of ambiguously gay heterosexuals (Or so they'd like to believe) and their quest to save the universe from evil salt monsters. Throughout three games, armed with only their bonds, wills, and large phallic weapons, they fight against stuff that no one really bothers to explain, and end up saving the universe. Or screwing it over. No one really knows which.
Albedo is the one character in the entire series whose heterosexuality ISN'T questionable; it doesn't exist. Like the main protagonists, he too is on an epic quest; indeed his single greatest dream is to become one with Rubedo, his physically stunted twelve-year-old twin brother. His psychological stability is non-existent, he orgasms from pain, especially when inflicted by Rubedo, and he rapes little girls in their kokoros (literally) for giggles. Albedo is quite intelligent, and, like any sensible person, uses his vast knowledge for all the right reasons. Namely rape. Really, he's a swell guy to have around, and enjoys conversing, long cruises through space, and self-decapitation.
Sample Entry:
Well now, this is a warm welcome, isn't it? I must say, I'm impressed. Not many would be willing to give a hand over to strangers so willingly. Moreso, literally. Nothing to lose your head over of course, but it seems it's too late for that now isn't it? Not that I'm one to talk. A tragic greeting of corpses, greeting the king who had died and come back to life. Except I can't die and for once, I'm not the one who made you this way. Hence the tragedy, fufufufu...
I have to say, I'm quite pleased with your swamp. A wonderful setting, full of life, love and the obligatory phalluses. It't just like home, really, or what's left of it anyway. I have to admit that the tentacles are a bit clich?, but we can't have all we want, can we? In order to gain something, we must lose something. I get to wear white but I can't eat Italian, you lose your freedom and basic human rights and gain, well. I don't know, but I'm sure it evens out in the end, right? What's a little freedom anyway? To that end, we're all prisoners of our own minds. Well except for me, but it grows back anyway.
So, let's begin the lesson then, shall we? No time like the present, and we do have plenty have that. A tragic scene, where the prince meets his untimely end and the princess survives, searching for the corpse that never was! To that end, her grieving shaped into madness compells her to gather the many feeble existences, like a shepherd herding the flock, and contain them in a fence of which they have no ability to transcend! And that same princess, in all her outlandish intelligence, addresses me as an instructor to teach the complexities of social interaction! Honestly woman, you're making me look sane. That aside, here's the real lesson. Remember this very important fact about social interaction: You're doing it wrong! Make sure to take notes class!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. C-c-closed!
Character Name: Sugiura Midori
Series: My-HiME
Age: 24
Job: Sentai Leader of LOVE AND JUSTICE
Canon: There's something suspicious happening at Fuuka Academy. Bits of the surrounding forest burning down overnight? Accidents being covered up by shady organizations? The general student populace is left to wonder, but one group of girls knows what's up--because they're the ones at the center of it all. These are the HiMEs, possessing Highly-advanced Materializing Equipment, summoning weapons and animalistic battle companions out of thin air to defeat Orphans, a shadowy and mysterious threat from another dimension. It's their sparkly and action-packed destiny!
Sugiura Midori is the eldest of these HiME, although half the time she certainly doesn't act like it. She's a little childish, obsessed with dramatic flair and sentai shows (similar to Power Rangers), and insists she's 17 years old, even when she's a graduate student substitute teaching at a high school who likes to go out drinking in her spare time. Despite this, however, when the going gets tough her maturity shows through, and she's one of the only ones who can keep a level head during a crisis. She's also a huge history nerd, geeking over archaeology, classic literature, and even older men, to the point of completely derailing herself from whatever she happened to have been doing.
Sample Post:
Never fear, Camp Bound to be Edited by Network Censors!
From the darkness of your swamp of despair comes a shining light of hope!
The one indication of the spring that shall come at the end of winter...
Sugiura Midori!
Haha, wowed by my dramatic entrance, eh? I'd hope I've had enough time to perfect it; I've only been waiting to get into this place for months! I've been applying each and every time! But nooooo, that's against the rules, they say! Too OLD, they say! Come on, I look seventeen to you, right?
Well, it all works out in the end. I'm now one of your camp counselors! But don't go jumping to conclusions just yet! I'm not one of those boring counselors who's going to tell you how to sew or swim or how to bribe bears or something--although those are very handy skills, I SURPASS THEM ALL! No need to sew with transformation sequences! No need to worry about swimming when your robots shall transport you safely! No bargaining with bears when you can SMITE THEM WITH AN ASSAULT OF JUSTICE! And when the aliens come down and insist that they be taken to your leader, you'll know exactly where to go! (That would be me, in case you didn't catch it. ♥)
I will require a band of youths who understand the values of love, justice, and friendship! Together, we will form the greatest sentai team of all time! Far into the future, people will tell the tale of the magnificent Louisiana Camp Rangers, Triumphant over Zombies and Assorted Terrifying Beasties Everywhere! Since there are a lot of talented, courageous young people here at this summer camp, I'll even open up the palette a little to give you all a chance! So maybe one of you will be stuck as the Puke Green Ranger, but hey, no complaining as long as you've got a spot! Also, you'll have to understand that I'm used to manning an operation that's a little more come-as-you-are, you know? So, uh, those transformation sequences, robots, and assaults of justice? If you could provide those on your own, that'd be super. Hey! Silence! True heroes overcome such obstacles! It's character development!
Any further questions~? What, you mean some of you don't even know what sentai means? You should have said so earlier! Sentai is the soul of the free and just! The apotheosis of good versus evil! The crown jewel of Saturday morning television! You must have been living under a rock or something... Oh, well. I suppose if you're from centuries past, you wouldn't know... wait a minute. You're seriously from centuries past? As in, "hey, that pot that you dug up on that archaeological dig belonged to my dear old auntie" level of ancient? Oh. Oh my. Oh my God.
You kiddies keep fighting over what colors you're going to be, all right? Your leader is going to be brushing up on her history~! ♥
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Illyria
Series: Angel the Series
Age: Ancient, but is in the body of a woman in her mid-twenties
Job: Leadership Counselor
Canon: There once was a girl named Fred. She we
sweet and smart and well loved by all. And then she died. Painfully.
As an ancient demon god destroyed her soul and took over her body.
That demon was Illyria. Godking of the primordium. Shaper of things.
Or so she calls herself. Obviously powerful, she has supernatural
strength, the ability to manipulate time, travel dimensions, and talk
to plants. She can also taste and smell human emotions. And she thinks
they're gross.
Illyria, unlike her body's predecessor, is arrogant, disdainful and
violent. She hates the fact that humans are now in power of the world
she once ruled, and makes her opinion known often in the form of
highly descriptive angry rants about what things were like "in her
day."
Sample Post:
What insolence is this? I am brought here to this…encampment. Handed a
human weapon and a machine by walking corpses. Useless things. I
crushed them all beneath my feet. But the machine regenerated itself.
Multiple times. I have grown weary of destroying it. I will not fall
prey to human trickery designed to frustrate me.
It is wrong here. This place should not be. Its very existence is an
abomination. It is misplaced in time. Dimensions converge to
create…muck.
…It is foul. Disgusting. It stinks of magics, misused and run
wild, left too long to their own devices. Built upon human grief and
bitterness. The stench of it permeates everything here. I taste it
everywhere. The putrid waste of human emotions. The corpses smell
better than your worthless self-pity. Have you no other goal than to
wallow in it? Vile creatures. I have seen a world full of shrimp with
more ambition.
And yet my reason for being here is to teach you the ways of
leadership. Absurd. If you need to be instructed, you have already
failed. Does the sun need to be taught to burn? Even these zombies
know how to eat flesh. Do you see? Do you see how your emotions weaken
you? How your petty morality dulls what few pathetic instincts you
had?
To be a leader is to win. To conquer. Defeat is not an option.
Compromise is not an option. If you want to rule you must destroy any
who stand in your way. Tear the world asunder until it trembles,
begging to live in the shadow of your glory.
If you can comprehend that simple truth, then perhaps there is a
chance you can do something other than fail. I will test you to see if
you understand. If you pass, perhaps I will consider aiding you in the
honing of your instincts. I will even make the first trial simple.
Persistence. Even your ridiculous machinery can accomplish that. Can
you?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kuhn
Series: Hack G.U.
Character Age: 24
Job: Erroneous Courtship Instructor
Canon: Hack G.U. exists for two reasons; the first is to prove that all ten-year olds will grow up to be, or already are bugfuck crazy. The second is to remind us what we already know about the internet and its business (that or to teach us that should one see something weird like a fully-bipedal gorilla one should have a nice chat with them, or kill them). Game-wise the universe is one set in the future where people play an online rpg called “the world”, sometimes even while doing something important like one’s job. This doesn’t seem to be too much of a distraction though, and all the players really have to worry about is being killed frequently online, and occasionally being put in comas offline. Standard bugs really. The company running the game is trying to work on this problem by generally making the situation worse, and recruiting people to help fix both the old and new problems.
Kuhn is one of those poor bastards players who’s been enlisted to help out with the problem, and in turn is under the thumb of not only an amoral boss, but also his less-amoral-but-more-dominating co-worker. This doesn’t stop him from engaging in one of his favorite hobbies, trying to find a girlfriend. People tend to think of Kuhn as mainly a pervert, and this is mostly true, but he does have a very strong sense of honor, and refuses to make a move on anything that isn’t legal. And also while his is fond of anything female, just not every single one of them he wants to date. An optimist and upbeat by nature, when he’s feeling upset he tends to hide it behind a smile and not let others have to deal with his problems. All in all he’s the type to lend a helping hand, just not so much if he’s on a date. Also sadly yes, the emoticons are cannon.
Sample Post:
Welcome back, guys, to Sniper Kuhn’s lessons in romance! Now for those of you who missed the first class, your guild leader asked me to help out with the relationship problems you were having, and how could a nice guy like me say “no”? …But if you do see her, could you tell her that she didn’t have to laugh that much in the e-mail?
In any case yesterday we went over getting to know someone and even how to get them look past a decaying exterior and at who you truly are, which I think might be a good deal of the problem here. Now don’t worry if you weren’t here yesterday, I can send you the basics of the lesson via e-mail. And I’m here if you need to catch-up in person. But let’s move on to today’s lesson: the first date.
Lets say that you’ve gotten that special someone to say ‘yes’; It’s important to make sure the date goes perfect, because let’s face it, if you say the wrong thing and she gets away it’s hard to ask for forgiveness when your character can’t catch up. For things to say, I find the old lines are the best. Just a side note though, when you promise a girl your heart or say you only have eyes for her, don’t really give her your organs.
You should choose a nice place where you’re not likely to encounter any monsters and enjoy the stars. It’s always romantic to bring up the sounds of the natural world, even if they are the blood-thirsty howls of creatures best left to the imagination. Besides; if she gets scared it gives you a chance to show just how you can protect her, and girls love that. ;)
But if you’re not up for a stroll in the woods there’s always the lake, it’s a perfect spot for a picnic and reflecting on how lucky you and your special someone are to be enjoying that moment together. Now if the lake beast decides to join in it’s a good idea to cut the date short; even though you may want to show her how heroic and strong you are… well let’s just say that it’s not the best idea to stick around. Trust me when I say that no matter what your level, the outcome isn’t going to be good.
But afterwards when you’re showing her to her cabin comes the most important part; the kiss goodnight can be the deal breaker between having a second date, and her calling her friends out to defend her honor. Of course, it's never happened to me before...heh...
Right! So the first thing is to gently take her into your arms- well this really needs a visual example so let me pick someone who- y-you’re all men. Well uh, I guess this won’t be so bad if I think it’s someone else… you! The most feminine one, come on up and lets show these guys how it’s done! quickly
As I was saying you take your “special lady” and hold her gently, making sure she’s alright with that sort of closeness first. Then tilt her head up; looking deeply into her uh, eye sockets and lean down to-
-Now guys this is one of those things I was going to bring up later; trying to bite the other person’s skull is for most people a bit of a turn-off. :(
Poll Vote!
Character name: Lancia
Series: Reborn!
Age: 25
Job: Camp Nanny
Canon: Reborn! A world of infant assassins and special bullets that can bring out a person's dormant talent rather than kill them. In this world, the strong survive, and the weak overcome the problems holding back their full potential to trounce the stronger in the deciding battles. Special rings, special abilities, and very special children dominate the forefront of the Mafia families. In such a place, strength is not measured in physical prowess alone -- but it does help... unless you happen to be a young child. Then it helps to be able to possess the mind of a demonically strong bodyguard, force him into killing his beloved family, toy with his life and deny him death until his will is completely broken and he has become a perfect killing tool -- a marionette to be used and discarded at a whim. Then your name would be Rokudou Mukuro (and you'd probably be laughing right about now).
Infamously known as the strongest fighter and bodyguard in northern Italy, Lancia possesses a powerful presence, a fearsome appearance, and a Herculean strength, allowing him to crush even large numbers of elite opponents in battle. The truth is, however, that he is a very gentle person, befriended by children and Jesii who can easily sense his kindness despite his harsh appearance. Completely loyal to those companions who earn his trust and respect, he bears a deep guilt and sorrow due to his role in the murder of his entire Mafia family. Repenting of that incident, he struggles through each day to once again become the reliable person he had been. Somewhat of a recovering head case, he maintains an expression difficult to read and does not often say more than is necessary. He is a kind, older-brother figure, who hides behind his gruffness and doesn't quite understand why children like him anyway.
Sample Entry:
To arrive in such a place already anticipated was unexpected. The Sayre family here is weak and ill tended, and their boss should be condemned for the state in which she has kept them. Such as things are, I will not accept the offer I received to join with them; a boss who does not care for her family is someone I will never acknowledge. Part of caring for your people is letting them go -- to deny them the peace of death and force them into this non-life is an abomination.
That alone is enough to refuse her most things, though this position they offered me is nearly as insulting. My strength is best suited to the job of being a bodyguard. I am familiar with the necessary skills of that position, and I'm well known by them. I have no training as a... nanny. I have little experience with children and no desire to learn the trade. Even the uniform presented to me is far from acceptable. No self-respecting man would wear an apron and mob cap, much less the maid's dress and petticoat. No dignified boss would ask that of him either. They must be French.
For now, I'm looking for someone better able to care for these children. They were found in the woods fighting and chewing on each other, and even though they are no more alive the others, they should have someone to look after them. They are quite weak and unable to fend for themselves. They won't bite... though they may try. It was an unfortunate thing that I didn't realize they were just children when they attacked, but I have their teeth if their guardians show up to claim them. They're easily distracted with the brain-shaped candy they were fighting over before seeing me, and the occasional gumming doesn't hurt -- though their smell is pervasive and the drool burns a little.
I cannot leave them unattended, so until someone more suitable for this family is located I will stay to protect them. I assume there is a place to reside for a time as well as food and other accommodations. They will need something more substantial than candy to eat. If there is a kitchen, it should have something soft, ice cream or jello or pudding. We will need a secure place to sleep -- large enough to allow them to play, and beds for the children, if the dead even require sleep. Still, maybe a visit from the tooth fairy would be good for tonight.
... Find someone else soon. I will not be bothered to stay here for long.
Poll Vote!
Name: Ohtori Akio
Series: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Age: Old enough for it to be statutory rape.
Job: Drivers' Sex Ed Instructor
Canon: What can I say about Utena? It's got half-naked boys, all-naked girls, and a great deal of what we like to call 'symbolism.' Or, to put it another way, “That scene in Lord Of The Flies where the pig-sticking is supposed to be penetration and loss of virginity? This totally just blew that out of the water.” If only high schools let us watch Utena to learn about symbolism.
At the heart of the chaos is Ohtori Akio, the Chairman. Though he seems completely harmless at first, the man has been behind the scenes, manipulating everyone for years and years without ever missing a beat. Even this most recent run-through with Utena seems to be just one of many other attempts he's done, cycles which last for years and years before reaching a conclusion.
But even as thoroughly manipulative and cold-hearted as he is, it's hard to see past his sexy, sexy exterior. The constant flirting and innuendos mean that women have a hard time resisting him, and the aura of power keeps the men interested. Besides, when he takes you for a ride in his car, well, you'll never be the same again.
Sample Post:
Well, well. This is certainly a step down from my normal accommodations but I suppose they shall suffice for the time being. It seems my presence has been requested here, at the behest of a particular most striking woman. I believe you know her as the Director. She has a certain, shall we say, way about her that I find most fascinating. I do so love a forceful woman.
Your welcoming committee certainly leaves much lacking. While I understand and respect that resources are limited, it is always important to take the time to properly train your employees. I'm afraid I had to get quite rough with a few, but it seems as though they don't particularly mind. I am positive that with the proper application of discipline and an increased diet of Rohypnol, your young men and women in the forest will be changed for the better. Being too sparing with your drugs seems to be your problem thus far.
Ah, but I am being rude. I have not yet introduced myself! My name is Ohtori Akio, and I have come to aid the campers that reside here in any way possible. Specifically, of course, I am to be your Driving Sex instructor, but such individualized attention must wait until I have gotten to know each and every one of you very well.
And that, of course, must wait until I have found an office to work out of. Once I am settled in, though, I do invite all of you to come for me whenever you feel the urge. I promise, I will make your visit most satisfactory, whether you have need of only a short visit, or a prolonged consultation. In a kind gesture, the Director has even given me a phone for emergencies. The number, 1-900-SEX-MOBL, and shall be posted for anyone's use. After all, I am here to serve.
Now then. Who would like to be the first to ride Ohtori? The car, of course. What did you think I meant?
Poll Vote!
Name: Albedo Piazzolla
Canon: Xenosaga
Age: 27
Job: Sociology Instructor
Canon: Xenosaga is the epic tale of a group of ambiguously gay heterosexuals (Or so they'd like to believe) and their quest to save the universe from evil salt monsters. Throughout three games, armed with only their bonds, wills, and large phallic weapons, they fight against stuff that no one really bothers to explain, and end up saving the universe. Or screwing it over. No one really knows which.
Albedo is the one character in the entire series whose heterosexuality ISN'T questionable; it doesn't exist. Like the main protagonists, he too is on an epic quest; indeed his single greatest dream is to become one with Rubedo, his physically stunted twelve-year-old twin brother. His psychological stability is non-existent, he orgasms from pain, especially when inflicted by Rubedo, and he rapes little girls in their kokoros (literally) for giggles. Albedo is quite intelligent, and, like any sensible person, uses his vast knowledge for all the right reasons. Namely rape. Really, he's a swell guy to have around, and enjoys conversing, long cruises through space, and self-decapitation.
Sample Entry:
Well now, this is a warm welcome, isn't it? I must say, I'm impressed. Not many would be willing to give a hand over to strangers so willingly. Moreso, literally. Nothing to lose your head over of course, but it seems it's too late for that now isn't it? Not that I'm one to talk. A tragic greeting of corpses, greeting the king who had died and come back to life. Except I can't die and for once, I'm not the one who made you this way. Hence the tragedy, fufufufu...
I have to say, I'm quite pleased with your swamp. A wonderful setting, full of life, love and the obligatory phalluses. It't just like home, really, or what's left of it anyway. I have to admit that the tentacles are a bit clich?, but we can't have all we want, can we? In order to gain something, we must lose something. I get to wear white but I can't eat Italian, you lose your freedom and basic human rights and gain, well. I don't know, but I'm sure it evens out in the end, right? What's a little freedom anyway? To that end, we're all prisoners of our own minds. Well except for me, but it grows back anyway.
So, let's begin the lesson then, shall we? No time like the present, and we do have plenty have that. A tragic scene, where the prince meets his untimely end and the princess survives, searching for the corpse that never was! To that end, her grieving shaped into madness compells her to gather the many feeble existences, like a shepherd herding the flock, and contain them in a fence of which they have no ability to transcend! And that same princess, in all her outlandish intelligence, addresses me as an instructor to teach the complexities of social interaction! Honestly woman, you're making me look sane. That aside, here's the real lesson. Remember this very important fact about social interaction: You're doing it wrong! Make sure to take notes class!
Poll Vote!