(no subject)
FIRST BATCH \o/ Apps are still open for those people INSANE enough to do last minute apps so keep 'em coming!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Shiina Sakurako
Series: Mahou Sensei Negima! (manga)
Age: 15
Canon: Ah, Negima! It's that series about the mage, the other mage, the demon, the princess, the ninja, the time traveler, the magical girl, a third mage, the vampire, the... well, you get the picture. With all this insanity concentrated in one boisterous Japanese middle-school class, what's an oblivious cheerleader to do? Add to the crazy in any way she can! Shiina Sakurako may not know nothin' about magic or fighting, but she was born for the Mahora cheer squad; she's always ridiculously happy, loud, and hyperactive. The sheer force of her airheaded energy keeps her friends guessing what she'll do next - and, sometimes, how best to stay out of it, especially when it involves people getting naked. She's really a very ordinary girl who adores cats, playing the drums, karaoke, THE BURNING CHEERLEADING SPIRIT INSIDE OF HER!!!, cute things, making up slang, and shopping with her friends.
But there is one more thing this bundle of energy loves: gambling. Since she was a child, Sakurako's had a hobby of playing games and starting betting pools on any event she can think of. And who can blame her? After all, Sakurako somehow manages to win any bet she makes, no matter how much of a long shot it is. Her unusual luckiness even allows her to do things like navigate a complicated magical maze based purely on gut instinct. There's something almost magical about it...
Sample Post:
OKAY~! LET'S GO!
Walk into the Mess Hall and what do I see?
Tuesday morning's breakfast lookin' back at me!
Loudspeaker's blasting at us, what do I hear?
A hundred happy campers crying out in fear!
Firecracker, firecracker, boom boom BOOM!
Firecracker, firecracker, boom boom BOOM!
Gorillas got the muscles!
The zombies got the brains!
The girls, we've got the sexy legs and weeeiyaaaaaa, you perveeeeert, you're supposed to be trying to pin down the other -
E-eheheh! Sooooorry about the interruption, everyone! It looks like we've got it all sorted out now! Naughty wrestler, cheerleaders are for looking at and listening to, not for licking! Come to think of it, cheerleaders are usually for football, too, and not wrestling... but watching the two of you, I had to offer my support as a member of the Mahora cheer squad! My fiery cheerleading heart was completely awakened! I can feel it beating in time with your every - oooh, well, I'm not sure what you're doing to your opponent now, and I'm not sure I want to. But I support it! Go fight win!
Hey, wait - there's no way you're going to win if you just force him on top of you and groan a lot! 2, 4, 6, 8, don't you want to dominate? Boooo, I think this guy needs a little more than my spirit to stage a comeback. You have to eat right, for one thing, and chewing on your opponent's head doesn't count as protein! It's too late to teach you proper nutrition tonight, but it would help the competitive energy a little if this crowd weren't completely dead and rotting... think, Sakurako, what can a cheerleader do to get everyone on their feet when the home team's on its back? Heh heh, I've got it! Let's make this a little more interesting, fellas! ♥ Now taking all bets on this evening's fight! Taking all bets! Any takers? I'll give you four to one on old "One Arm" Smith!
Ehhhhh!? Waaaah, what is this? It's no crime to be a little short on money, but I won't take the shirt off your back, especially not when part of your back is still attached to it! And why a bra? It's a "double-d or nothing" bet? Bzzzzt! WRONG! Okay guys, listen up! It looks like old "One Arm" is down for the count anyway, so let's give tonight's competitors a round of applause and some privacy because it looks like they could use it, and I'll give you all a special, one night only crash course on the exciting and profitable world of responsible gambling!
We can start off simple, okay? I happen to have my lucky dice with me, and Cho-Han Bakuchi is super easy! I need a volunteer dealer to just put the dice in this cup and shake 'em up, and - let's not worry about the payoff right now, but we all make a guess on whether the dice come up odd or even! Now, this isn't craps, so we're not taking fire bets. Don't look so disappointed, cute little sizzling duckling! Just follow your heart! ♥ Hee hee hee... as for me, my money's on snake eyes! Everyone's placed their bets? Aaaaand spill 'em out!
...Ewwww, gross! ...Well, I guess those are snake eyes. Sakurako wins again! But heeeey, can I get my lucky dice back?
Poll Vote!
Character: Arachne
Series: Angel Sanctuary
Character Age: Can pass as a high school student.
Canon: Angel Sanctuary is the story of a boy, the sister he loves and epic struggles that reach from Heaven to Hell and across Earth. Complete with a host of less than traditional angels equipped with tragic backstories, Hot Topic-esque boots and various lusts and perversions, Angel Sanctuary is a bit different from the typical angelic adventure. Even your traitors in Angel Sanctuary are a bit ... special.
Arachne is a demon who plays the role of betrayer and friend. He's first introduced as being the closest to the Princess Kurai, an ally to the main character. Arachne comes off as effeminate, a bit air headed, fashion conscious, and flirty. He wears women's clothing, likes being called beautiful and sexy, and has a ~type~ that he would gladly (and, a bit literally) 'eat right up'. He's your typical older sister who is actually a man, and so despite his rather superficial side, can also come through with straight-forward advice or quiet comfort. Of course, he's also the betrayer, and went through all the motions of being nice and loving towards his 'beloved' cousin Kurai as an act of revenge and bitterness. Except that in the end the role had became a part of his self, leaving him not really entirely rotten to the core. Afterall, he did eventually save all of Hell in the process. That's a good thing, right?
Sample App
Really, you can't trust anything anyone says these days. "Death is just another adventure", "follow the white light and everything will be okay", "you get a warm feeling and just know it's right." All of those sayings? Just things to make you feel better because when you die it's just over. No warm happy feeling or whatever other nonsense consolation cards spew. I can tell you from experience the only warm thing I feel right now is something underneath my behind and it reeks of decomposition. Not only that but I have mud in my bra. Mud in my bra, do you understand? My breasts -- and not trashy silicon like some -- are falling off and ... ew. Okay, not falling off in the same way yours are. Please keep your saggy dead person breasts to yourself. There are times when sharing isn't caring. Right now is one of them. It's been fun, but I am fed up to here and have places to be, sins to suffer for, you know.
Ugh, there has got to be something better. Some perk to the afterlife, maybe a members only card. Maybe a retail store where all the gorgeous dead babes, like me, hang out? Or, even better, a handful of just-dead cute guys? Okay, maybe not that, but I was expecting fire and brimstone, demonic Hell, damned souls and I get... a giant tree full of lingerie. Well, a girl can't complain when she gets some well deserved good fortune. Hm, this is a little less stylish than I'd prefer, but beggars can't be choosers. And anything, even if it's -- plaid? No way, there is no way I'm going to wear plaid. Just the idea makes me cringe. Oh, here -- high cut and plain... not very stylish but the lesser of two horribly ugly choices and definitely better than muddy undies.
Mmm~, that's much better, I feel more like myself having done away with the unpleasant squish between -- ah, you know. I'd love to take a soak, but your showers are leaking blood of the mystery meat variety. Here's a protip from me to you, if you don't know who it is, don't use it. Also, trust me, the Bathory deal is a ruse. Bathing in the blood of young girls will do absolutely nothing for your lifespan, or your beauty, and will probably just leave clumps in your hair. If you'd like to look like yours truly, and I know you all would like to, try the blood of young men. And don't bathe in it, just nibble. Being dainty is a mark of a lady after all.
Poll Vote!
Character: Toudou Heisuke
Series: Peacemaker Kurogane
Character Age: 20
Canon: During the mid 1800s, Japan was undergoing a period of violent civil unrest, known as the Bakumatsu conflict. One of the most famous heavy hitters on the losing side was a brutal strike force known as the Shinsengumi. Peacemaker Kurogane follows the story of young Ichimura Tetsunosuke as he comes of age and joins up with the Shinsengumi, taking refuge as Hijikata Toshizou's page. All the while, he comes to understand what the Shinsengumi stands for, and the ways of the various members of it, as well as the conflicts they encounter over the course of the story, not to mention the flip-flop between the light-hearted affairs and the heavier conflicts.
The youngest captain in the Shinsengumi, Toudou Heisuke is the head of the eighth unit. Despite his ranking and title, Heisuke is one of the more comical and light-hearted characters in the series, making up one-third of the "Comedian Trio" with Harada Sanosuke and Nagakura Shinpachi. He seems to never take anything too seriously and keeps a carefree and somewhat whimsical attitude about him. Heisuke is also somewhat of a shoutacon, and is a self-proclaimed lover of "small, cute things." He'd much rather spend time monologuing about the adorable features of his vice-commander's pissed-off page than do something intelligent like actually, say, introduce himself beforehand.
But Heisuke is an honorable type! Really! Dutiful, and a good fighter to boot. It just so happens that he's also a bit of a moron. But when you're in the Shinsengumi, you've gotta be kind of cool like that.
Sample Post:
Ohh, you guys are so lucky here!
... what! Hey now, don't give me those kinds of looks! Starin' at me all slack-jawed and- well, for some of you, "no-jawed" 'd be a better term for it. Lookin' a little green around the edges there, too. Haven't you noticed all the amazing things around here? So what if you're stuck here! ... well, on second thought, that is a bit of a road block, isn't it. But still, there's no point in sittin' around and mopin' about it when you've got a lot of other things to do. It's as they say: trek on, young soldier! - on second thought, um. Trek on once you get that foot of yours back in place! Nothin' a little of this handy "duct tape" can't fix ...
Then again, activity might be a little difficult for guys like you folks, with the whole literal take on the old "fallin' apart at the seams" saying. Bad case of leprosy, huh? Nothing that your modern medicine can't handle! At least, that's what I've found out on this amazing invention of yours - the internets! Hahah, we don't have anything like this back where I'm from. It's incredible! Just a click of a button, and the answers are right at your fingertips, ready for your perusal. Got a cold? Just "google" it to find a good herbal remedy! Earache bothering you? Break out the Vitamin C, whatever that is! That cancer thing people talk about? Survey says that some Norris guy's tears'll do the trick. Too bad the poor bastard never cries, huh.
And- and this e-mail stuff! It's incredible! Everyone's really friendly, too. Just take my new buddy that dropped me a line - Woody Gigando here's telling me that "Your little soldier will grow up to a big love general!" If only the vice-commander had one of these things. I think he could really use it for that little page of his! ... mm, but then he'd tell me to stop slacking off or something. Get to work, he'd say! More training, he'd say! Wipe out that undead infestation that's all around you, he'd say! ... except I quite like you folk, so that's a moot point right there.
Well, my fine-yet-falling-apart friends! Might as well put on that old pretense of productivity and head on out, hmm? Put a good foot forward, take some time to ourselves, cool our heads and all that. You know what they say! Speaking of cooling, I was interested in checking out that lake of yours! People weren't all that enthusiastic about it before, though. Can't imagine wh- ohhhh!! I - I didn't know krakens really existed! Look at that! And she's so cute, too! ♥ Those ... those tiny, terrorizing tentacles, waving back and forth in the most menacing and malicious manner! Her cute yet beady little inky eyes staring at me, wishing the grimmest, most deplorable and diabolical death a kraken could imagine! It's ... it's ...!!
... I wonder if the "it followed me home, can we keep it" excuse would fly with the commander.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nakayama Yayoi
Series: Air Gear
Character Age: 15
Canon: Air Gear is an amazing series stuffed full of bird and flight metaphors about the human desire to fly free in the open sky. This desire is achieved with super-powered, sometimes elemental, motorized skates, otherwise known as A-T. The series follows the quest of one boy and his team as they fight their way to the top of the A-T world. Technically, Nakayama Yayoi is a member of this team. She attends all the battles, assists in training where she can, and is quick to show concern when a teammate, or anyone else, is injured. One thing though: she doesn't use A-T. Really, Yayoi is a normal, level-headed girl with a touch of snarkiness who's simply following her retarded friends along for a wild ride. She may question some of their dumber actions or outright disapprove of them from time to time, but she's always remained a loyal friend. And she isn't without her own dose of retardation! It's not unheard of for her to be seen teasing someone enthusiastically about a crush or playing dumb jokes to pull a friend out of a funk; it just usually requires her best friend, Emiri, to be around to enable her.
But, being a normal girl tagging along with a team of crazy morons isn't without its drags. Yayoi doesn't have a lot of confidence in her own ability to support the team and frets that she can't be a good friend to them because of it. Honestly, it's an underestimation of herself. Yayoi is a strong-spirited person who, even when she's frightened and upset, will not back down from decisions she's made. She's been shown to be quite perceptive in canon, even realizing the true nature of a tuner's song: it carries incredibly detailed information in the pitch and cadence -- like a bird's song, a language she's been shown to understand after spending time around Kuu, Ikki's pet bird.
Sample Post: Just whose idea was it to put a training camp in the middle of a swamp? The terrain is all wrong for A-T. They'll ruin their wheels in this muck if they haven't already, and even the wildlife is against them! The toucans said they like moving targets the best, so it's bonus points if they make a flyby 'deposit' on a storm rider. Emiri and the others must be kicking themselves for picking this place. I can't believe they still made me fly out here. And what kind of camp has such lazy counselors? These kids have been fighting over that dummy head since I got here . . .
--Hey, where did they get those noodles? They're all gray with dirt, ugh. You two, in the back, spit those out! You can't just pick up food from anywhere, you know. Even if it's sitting in one of those dummies, you don't know how long it's been there or what's been crawling in it. . . . Don't grin when I say that. Haah, it looks like you really need some supervision. Okay, listen up kids! I don't know where your counselor went, but you need to put down the head and stop biting each other. You, in the back, spit that girl's hand out. I know you've got to be bored, so I-- I said spit it out! No wonder your parents dumped you here. Now, you're all bored, aren't you? It's not much, but I found a birdwatching list that I'll pass out now. Don't complain, it'll give you something to do for a while.
Does everyone have one now? Yes? Good. First on the list is the Chihuahuan Raven. We probably won't see one of these . . . It says here "since the males rarely show interest in females, even when the females take initiative, these birds are on the endangered list." Somehow, that sounds familiar. The one in the picture even has a marking like a hat. . . . Moving on.
Next is the Red-breasted Sapsucker. It says here that they live symbiotically with another native animal. "In return for their nests being protected, the Sapsuckers perform nightly favors for the swamp . . . gorilla?" That can't be right. More importantly, is this something kids should be learning about?! There's got to be something else I can tell you about these birds. Not this . . . definitely not that! Tell me you kids can't read yet. --Oh, this one's good. Who here knew that a group of sapsuckers were called a slurp? That can't mean . . . No, this is just a birdwatching list. There's no way.
A-anyway, the next one is the Ovenbird. "Defeather the toucan and preheat--" Hey! T-this is just a recipe! I thought the toucans had to be joking when they said people were eating them here. Those poor guys . . . I've got to apologize to them later. Don't give me that look like it's no big deal! Can you imagine having to explain to a young brood why their father's coffin is a KFC bucket? I didn't think so. Finger lickin' good doesn't make it right.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kaworu Nagisa
Series: Neon Genesis Evangelion (manga)
Character Age: 15
Canon: Angels and mechas and Tang, oh my! Neon Genesis Evangelion takes place in 2015, with the city of Tokyo-3 under attack by mysterious beings known as Angels. In classic anime tradition, the only people capable of stopping this grievous threat to mankind are a small team of teenagers piloting giant robots. The twist? The main characters spend more time waxing philosophical on the nature of human relationships than actually piloting their robots. And the organization in charge of fighting the invaders wants to turn everyone on the planet into a giant pool of goo with one consciousness so no one will have to be lonely again. Oh, yeah, and the giant robot that just flipped out and started devouring a monster... is the main character's mom.
Kaworu is an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an albino. At first glance, he appears to be a cheerful teenage boy who enjoys music, philosophy, and invading the personal space of others. A closer look reveals a very, very strange detached young man who finds people's feelings and attachments fascinating; though he's perceptive enough to quickly understand fundamental parts of a person's psyche, he remains blissfully and hilariously unaware of social taboos and can be logical to the point of seeming cruel. The reason for his odd lack of human emotion and total failure at etiquette? Kaworu's true identity is Tabris, the seventeenth and final Angel, sent to end all human life on Earth and occasionally badtouch other boys in the shower. All in a day's work!
Sample Post:
Humans suffer because of their bonds. You have lost someone precious to you, have you not, Miss Sayre? It is intrinsic to what you have built... part of the very foundation of this place. Once, closeness to another allowed you to forget the loneliness that every human feels, and when that was taken away from you, the return of the feeling of isolation was more painful than you could have imagined. One appreciates a thing all the more for the lack of it -- whether a cupcake baked with sugar instead of Splenda, or a relaxing shower in the girls' locker room when the boys' showers have been full for far too long. Had you never experienced that bond with your fiancé, perhaps you could have gone on living and never fully understood how alone you were.
I'm curious... do you truly believe that finding his killer will somehow ease that pain? If it is his absence that plagues you, what is it about the act of knowing who is responsible that will bring an end to your suffering? You claim, Miss Sayre, that this place was created for the purpose of locating a criminal. Have you come to realize, I wonder, that it serves a far grander purpose than that?
Surely it cannot have escaped your notice... the people in this place forming bonds of their own, forging a new existence for themselves, sharing their jubilation, their sorrow, and their unresolved sexual tension with those around them. It is the act of truly living that transforms a person; it is one's experiences, tragic or joyful, that is the catalyst for change in the human soul. This place takes it one step beyond, only serving to more colorfully illustrate the point: one's experiences can also transform the human body into something small, fluffy, and, occasionally, adorable.
Many of the people here have forgotten the purpose for which they were brought; some, I think, never knew it to begin with. And yet the human spirit must make do with what it is given. Some triumph beautifully, even transcending the boundaries of their former gender; some only isolate themselves further, turning instead to what small comfort the soft glow of the cat macros on their computer screens can provide. Still others simply endure, waiting for the day that they will be allowed to leave this place, free once more from the threat of tentacles, transformations, and all-too-prying serious polls.
But it is difficult for any man to remain an island. Perhaps it is the feeling of isolation in a strange environment that causes people to reach out and touch others here. Whatever the reason, each time they lose one of their own precious people, whether to the irresistible wiles of a nubile young man in a dress or the soft but insistent call of the world that lies outside of the barrier... do you know? Are you watching? Can you sense that they share, for a moment, that feeling of loss with you? And I wonder, Miss Sayre, could this have been your intent all along?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Shiina Sakurako
Series: Mahou Sensei Negima! (manga)
Age: 15
Canon: Ah, Negima! It's that series about the mage, the other mage, the demon, the princess, the ninja, the time traveler, the magical girl, a third mage, the vampire, the... well, you get the picture. With all this insanity concentrated in one boisterous Japanese middle-school class, what's an oblivious cheerleader to do? Add to the crazy in any way she can! Shiina Sakurako may not know nothin' about magic or fighting, but she was born for the Mahora cheer squad; she's always ridiculously happy, loud, and hyperactive. The sheer force of her airheaded energy keeps her friends guessing what she'll do next - and, sometimes, how best to stay out of it, especially when it involves people getting naked. She's really a very ordinary girl who adores cats, playing the drums, karaoke, THE BURNING CHEERLEADING SPIRIT INSIDE OF HER!!!, cute things, making up slang, and shopping with her friends.
But there is one more thing this bundle of energy loves: gambling. Since she was a child, Sakurako's had a hobby of playing games and starting betting pools on any event she can think of. And who can blame her? After all, Sakurako somehow manages to win any bet she makes, no matter how much of a long shot it is. Her unusual luckiness even allows her to do things like navigate a complicated magical maze based purely on gut instinct. There's something almost magical about it...
Sample Post:
OKAY~! LET'S GO!
Walk into the Mess Hall and what do I see?
Tuesday morning's breakfast lookin' back at me!
Loudspeaker's blasting at us, what do I hear?
A hundred happy campers crying out in fear!
Firecracker, firecracker, boom boom BOOM!
Firecracker, firecracker, boom boom BOOM!
Gorillas got the muscles!
The zombies got the brains!
The girls, we've got the sexy legs and weeeiyaaaaaa, you perveeeeert, you're supposed to be trying to pin down the other -
E-eheheh! Sooooorry about the interruption, everyone! It looks like we've got it all sorted out now! Naughty wrestler, cheerleaders are for looking at and listening to, not for licking! Come to think of it, cheerleaders are usually for football, too, and not wrestling... but watching the two of you, I had to offer my support as a member of the Mahora cheer squad! My fiery cheerleading heart was completely awakened! I can feel it beating in time with your every - oooh, well, I'm not sure what you're doing to your opponent now, and I'm not sure I want to. But I support it! Go fight win!
Hey, wait - there's no way you're going to win if you just force him on top of you and groan a lot! 2, 4, 6, 8, don't you want to dominate? Boooo, I think this guy needs a little more than my spirit to stage a comeback. You have to eat right, for one thing, and chewing on your opponent's head doesn't count as protein! It's too late to teach you proper nutrition tonight, but it would help the competitive energy a little if this crowd weren't completely dead and rotting... think, Sakurako, what can a cheerleader do to get everyone on their feet when the home team's on its back? Heh heh, I've got it! Let's make this a little more interesting, fellas! ♥ Now taking all bets on this evening's fight! Taking all bets! Any takers? I'll give you four to one on old "One Arm" Smith!
Ehhhhh!? Waaaah, what is this? It's no crime to be a little short on money, but I won't take the shirt off your back, especially not when part of your back is still attached to it! And why a bra? It's a "double-d or nothing" bet? Bzzzzt! WRONG! Okay guys, listen up! It looks like old "One Arm" is down for the count anyway, so let's give tonight's competitors a round of applause and some privacy because it looks like they could use it, and I'll give you all a special, one night only crash course on the exciting and profitable world of responsible gambling!
We can start off simple, okay? I happen to have my lucky dice with me, and Cho-Han Bakuchi is super easy! I need a volunteer dealer to just put the dice in this cup and shake 'em up, and - let's not worry about the payoff right now, but we all make a guess on whether the dice come up odd or even! Now, this isn't craps, so we're not taking fire bets. Don't look so disappointed, cute little sizzling duckling! Just follow your heart! ♥ Hee hee hee... as for me, my money's on snake eyes! Everyone's placed their bets? Aaaaand spill 'em out!
...Ewwww, gross! ...Well, I guess those are snake eyes. Sakurako wins again! But heeeey, can I get my lucky dice back?
Poll Vote!
Character: Arachne
Series: Angel Sanctuary
Character Age: Can pass as a high school student.
Canon: Angel Sanctuary is the story of a boy, the sister he loves and epic struggles that reach from Heaven to Hell and across Earth. Complete with a host of less than traditional angels equipped with tragic backstories, Hot Topic-esque boots and various lusts and perversions, Angel Sanctuary is a bit different from the typical angelic adventure. Even your traitors in Angel Sanctuary are a bit ... special.
Arachne is a demon who plays the role of betrayer and friend. He's first introduced as being the closest to the Princess Kurai, an ally to the main character. Arachne comes off as effeminate, a bit air headed, fashion conscious, and flirty. He wears women's clothing, likes being called beautiful and sexy, and has a ~type~ that he would gladly (and, a bit literally) 'eat right up'. He's your typical older sister who is actually a man, and so despite his rather superficial side, can also come through with straight-forward advice or quiet comfort. Of course, he's also the betrayer, and went through all the motions of being nice and loving towards his 'beloved' cousin Kurai as an act of revenge and bitterness. Except that in the end the role had became a part of his self, leaving him not really entirely rotten to the core. Afterall, he did eventually save all of Hell in the process. That's a good thing, right?
Sample App
Really, you can't trust anything anyone says these days. "Death is just another adventure", "follow the white light and everything will be okay", "you get a warm feeling and just know it's right." All of those sayings? Just things to make you feel better because when you die it's just over. No warm happy feeling or whatever other nonsense consolation cards spew. I can tell you from experience the only warm thing I feel right now is something underneath my behind and it reeks of decomposition. Not only that but I have mud in my bra. Mud in my bra, do you understand? My breasts -- and not trashy silicon like some -- are falling off and ... ew. Okay, not falling off in the same way yours are. Please keep your saggy dead person breasts to yourself. There are times when sharing isn't caring. Right now is one of them. It's been fun, but I am fed up to here and have places to be, sins to suffer for, you know.
Ugh, there has got to be something better. Some perk to the afterlife, maybe a members only card. Maybe a retail store where all the gorgeous dead babes, like me, hang out? Or, even better, a handful of just-dead cute guys? Okay, maybe not that, but I was expecting fire and brimstone, demonic Hell, damned souls and I get... a giant tree full of lingerie. Well, a girl can't complain when she gets some well deserved good fortune. Hm, this is a little less stylish than I'd prefer, but beggars can't be choosers. And anything, even if it's -- plaid? No way, there is no way I'm going to wear plaid. Just the idea makes me cringe. Oh, here -- high cut and plain... not very stylish but the lesser of two horribly ugly choices and definitely better than muddy undies.
Mmm~, that's much better, I feel more like myself having done away with the unpleasant squish between -- ah, you know. I'd love to take a soak, but your showers are leaking blood of the mystery meat variety. Here's a protip from me to you, if you don't know who it is, don't use it. Also, trust me, the Bathory deal is a ruse. Bathing in the blood of young girls will do absolutely nothing for your lifespan, or your beauty, and will probably just leave clumps in your hair. If you'd like to look like yours truly, and I know you all would like to, try the blood of young men. And don't bathe in it, just nibble. Being dainty is a mark of a lady after all.
Poll Vote!
Character: Toudou Heisuke
Series: Peacemaker Kurogane
Character Age: 20
Canon: During the mid 1800s, Japan was undergoing a period of violent civil unrest, known as the Bakumatsu conflict. One of the most famous heavy hitters on the losing side was a brutal strike force known as the Shinsengumi. Peacemaker Kurogane follows the story of young Ichimura Tetsunosuke as he comes of age and joins up with the Shinsengumi, taking refuge as Hijikata Toshizou's page. All the while, he comes to understand what the Shinsengumi stands for, and the ways of the various members of it, as well as the conflicts they encounter over the course of the story, not to mention the flip-flop between the light-hearted affairs and the heavier conflicts.
The youngest captain in the Shinsengumi, Toudou Heisuke is the head of the eighth unit. Despite his ranking and title, Heisuke is one of the more comical and light-hearted characters in the series, making up one-third of the "Comedian Trio" with Harada Sanosuke and Nagakura Shinpachi. He seems to never take anything too seriously and keeps a carefree and somewhat whimsical attitude about him. Heisuke is also somewhat of a shoutacon, and is a self-proclaimed lover of "small, cute things." He'd much rather spend time monologuing about the adorable features of his vice-commander's pissed-off page than do something intelligent like actually, say, introduce himself beforehand.
But Heisuke is an honorable type! Really! Dutiful, and a good fighter to boot. It just so happens that he's also a bit of a moron. But when you're in the Shinsengumi, you've gotta be kind of cool like that.
Sample Post:
Ohh, you guys are so lucky here!
... what! Hey now, don't give me those kinds of looks! Starin' at me all slack-jawed and- well, for some of you, "no-jawed" 'd be a better term for it. Lookin' a little green around the edges there, too. Haven't you noticed all the amazing things around here? So what if you're stuck here! ... well, on second thought, that is a bit of a road block, isn't it. But still, there's no point in sittin' around and mopin' about it when you've got a lot of other things to do. It's as they say: trek on, young soldier! - on second thought, um. Trek on once you get that foot of yours back in place! Nothin' a little of this handy "duct tape" can't fix ...
Then again, activity might be a little difficult for guys like you folks, with the whole literal take on the old "fallin' apart at the seams" saying. Bad case of leprosy, huh? Nothing that your modern medicine can't handle! At least, that's what I've found out on this amazing invention of yours - the internets! Hahah, we don't have anything like this back where I'm from. It's incredible! Just a click of a button, and the answers are right at your fingertips, ready for your perusal. Got a cold? Just "google" it to find a good herbal remedy! Earache bothering you? Break out the Vitamin C, whatever that is! That cancer thing people talk about? Survey says that some Norris guy's tears'll do the trick. Too bad the poor bastard never cries, huh.
And- and this e-mail stuff! It's incredible! Everyone's really friendly, too. Just take my new buddy that dropped me a line - Woody Gigando here's telling me that "Your little soldier will grow up to a big love general!" If only the vice-commander had one of these things. I think he could really use it for that little page of his! ... mm, but then he'd tell me to stop slacking off or something. Get to work, he'd say! More training, he'd say! Wipe out that undead infestation that's all around you, he'd say! ... except I quite like you folk, so that's a moot point right there.
Well, my fine-yet-falling-apart friends! Might as well put on that old pretense of productivity and head on out, hmm? Put a good foot forward, take some time to ourselves, cool our heads and all that. You know what they say! Speaking of cooling, I was interested in checking out that lake of yours! People weren't all that enthusiastic about it before, though. Can't imagine wh- ohhhh!! I - I didn't know krakens really existed! Look at that! And she's so cute, too! ♥ Those ... those tiny, terrorizing tentacles, waving back and forth in the most menacing and malicious manner! Her cute yet beady little inky eyes staring at me, wishing the grimmest, most deplorable and diabolical death a kraken could imagine! It's ... it's ...!!
... I wonder if the "it followed me home, can we keep it" excuse would fly with the commander.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nakayama Yayoi
Series: Air Gear
Character Age: 15
Canon: Air Gear is an amazing series stuffed full of bird and flight metaphors about the human desire to fly free in the open sky. This desire is achieved with super-powered, sometimes elemental, motorized skates, otherwise known as A-T. The series follows the quest of one boy and his team as they fight their way to the top of the A-T world. Technically, Nakayama Yayoi is a member of this team. She attends all the battles, assists in training where she can, and is quick to show concern when a teammate, or anyone else, is injured. One thing though: she doesn't use A-T. Really, Yayoi is a normal, level-headed girl with a touch of snarkiness who's simply following her retarded friends along for a wild ride. She may question some of their dumber actions or outright disapprove of them from time to time, but she's always remained a loyal friend. And she isn't without her own dose of retardation! It's not unheard of for her to be seen teasing someone enthusiastically about a crush or playing dumb jokes to pull a friend out of a funk; it just usually requires her best friend, Emiri, to be around to enable her.
But, being a normal girl tagging along with a team of crazy morons isn't without its drags. Yayoi doesn't have a lot of confidence in her own ability to support the team and frets that she can't be a good friend to them because of it. Honestly, it's an underestimation of herself. Yayoi is a strong-spirited person who, even when she's frightened and upset, will not back down from decisions she's made. She's been shown to be quite perceptive in canon, even realizing the true nature of a tuner's song: it carries incredibly detailed information in the pitch and cadence -- like a bird's song, a language she's been shown to understand after spending time around Kuu, Ikki's pet bird.
Sample Post: Just whose idea was it to put a training camp in the middle of a swamp? The terrain is all wrong for A-T. They'll ruin their wheels in this muck if they haven't already, and even the wildlife is against them! The toucans said they like moving targets the best, so it's bonus points if they make a flyby 'deposit' on a storm rider. Emiri and the others must be kicking themselves for picking this place. I can't believe they still made me fly out here. And what kind of camp has such lazy counselors? These kids have been fighting over that dummy head since I got here . . .
--Hey, where did they get those noodles? They're all gray with dirt, ugh. You two, in the back, spit those out! You can't just pick up food from anywhere, you know. Even if it's sitting in one of those dummies, you don't know how long it's been there or what's been crawling in it. . . . Don't grin when I say that. Haah, it looks like you really need some supervision. Okay, listen up kids! I don't know where your counselor went, but you need to put down the head and stop biting each other. You, in the back, spit that girl's hand out. I know you've got to be bored, so I-- I said spit it out! No wonder your parents dumped you here. Now, you're all bored, aren't you? It's not much, but I found a birdwatching list that I'll pass out now. Don't complain, it'll give you something to do for a while.
Does everyone have one now? Yes? Good. First on the list is the Chihuahuan Raven. We probably won't see one of these . . . It says here "since the males rarely show interest in females, even when the females take initiative, these birds are on the endangered list." Somehow, that sounds familiar. The one in the picture even has a marking like a hat. . . . Moving on.
Next is the Red-breasted Sapsucker. It says here that they live symbiotically with another native animal. "In return for their nests being protected, the Sapsuckers perform nightly favors for the swamp . . . gorilla?" That can't be right. More importantly, is this something kids should be learning about?! There's got to be something else I can tell you about these birds. Not this . . . definitely not that! Tell me you kids can't read yet. --Oh, this one's good. Who here knew that a group of sapsuckers were called a slurp? That can't mean . . . No, this is just a birdwatching list. There's no way.
A-anyway, the next one is the Ovenbird. "Defeather the toucan and preheat--" Hey! T-this is just a recipe! I thought the toucans had to be joking when they said people were eating them here. Those poor guys . . . I've got to apologize to them later. Don't give me that look like it's no big deal! Can you imagine having to explain to a young brood why their father's coffin is a KFC bucket? I didn't think so. Finger lickin' good doesn't make it right.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kaworu Nagisa
Series: Neon Genesis Evangelion (manga)
Character Age: 15
Canon: Angels and mechas and Tang, oh my! Neon Genesis Evangelion takes place in 2015, with the city of Tokyo-3 under attack by mysterious beings known as Angels. In classic anime tradition, the only people capable of stopping this grievous threat to mankind are a small team of teenagers piloting giant robots. The twist? The main characters spend more time waxing philosophical on the nature of human relationships than actually piloting their robots. And the organization in charge of fighting the invaders wants to turn everyone on the planet into a giant pool of goo with one consciousness so no one will have to be lonely again. Oh, yeah, and the giant robot that just flipped out and started devouring a monster... is the main character's mom.
Kaworu is an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an albino. At first glance, he appears to be a cheerful teenage boy who enjoys music, philosophy, and invading the personal space of others. A closer look reveals a very, very strange detached young man who finds people's feelings and attachments fascinating; though he's perceptive enough to quickly understand fundamental parts of a person's psyche, he remains blissfully and hilariously unaware of social taboos and can be logical to the point of seeming cruel. The reason for his odd lack of human emotion and total failure at etiquette? Kaworu's true identity is Tabris, the seventeenth and final Angel, sent to end all human life on Earth and occasionally badtouch other boys in the shower. All in a day's work!
Sample Post:
Humans suffer because of their bonds. You have lost someone precious to you, have you not, Miss Sayre? It is intrinsic to what you have built... part of the very foundation of this place. Once, closeness to another allowed you to forget the loneliness that every human feels, and when that was taken away from you, the return of the feeling of isolation was more painful than you could have imagined. One appreciates a thing all the more for the lack of it -- whether a cupcake baked with sugar instead of Splenda, or a relaxing shower in the girls' locker room when the boys' showers have been full for far too long. Had you never experienced that bond with your fiancé, perhaps you could have gone on living and never fully understood how alone you were.
I'm curious... do you truly believe that finding his killer will somehow ease that pain? If it is his absence that plagues you, what is it about the act of knowing who is responsible that will bring an end to your suffering? You claim, Miss Sayre, that this place was created for the purpose of locating a criminal. Have you come to realize, I wonder, that it serves a far grander purpose than that?
Surely it cannot have escaped your notice... the people in this place forming bonds of their own, forging a new existence for themselves, sharing their jubilation, their sorrow, and their unresolved sexual tension with those around them. It is the act of truly living that transforms a person; it is one's experiences, tragic or joyful, that is the catalyst for change in the human soul. This place takes it one step beyond, only serving to more colorfully illustrate the point: one's experiences can also transform the human body into something small, fluffy, and, occasionally, adorable.
Many of the people here have forgotten the purpose for which they were brought; some, I think, never knew it to begin with. And yet the human spirit must make do with what it is given. Some triumph beautifully, even transcending the boundaries of their former gender; some only isolate themselves further, turning instead to what small comfort the soft glow of the cat macros on their computer screens can provide. Still others simply endure, waiting for the day that they will be allowed to leave this place, free once more from the threat of tentacles, transformations, and all-too-prying serious polls.
But it is difficult for any man to remain an island. Perhaps it is the feeling of isolation in a strange environment that causes people to reach out and touch others here. Whatever the reason, each time they lose one of their own precious people, whether to the irresistible wiles of a nubile young man in a dress or the soft but insistent call of the world that lies outside of the barrier... do you know? Are you watching? Can you sense that they share, for a moment, that feeling of loss with you? And I wonder, Miss Sayre, could this have been your intent all along?
Poll Vote!