(no subject)
DUnununun THIRD ROUND everybody keep voting ♥
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED.
Character: Hakuren Oak
Series: 07-Ghost
Character Age: ~15/16
Canon: They say that history is written by the victors -- but there's that and there's the story of the survivors. Teito Klein's entire world is turned upside-down when he discovers he's actually the prince of the destroyed Raggs Kingdom as well as the carrier of the weapon known as the Eye of Michael. Betrayed by the Baselburg military he's been serving all his life, Teito flees to sanctuary with the church, where he eventually enters into training to become a priest, hoping to use the autonomy of that position to discover the truth of what happened ten years ago.
The estranged son of a military nobleman, Hakuren Oak left home to enter the church and is one of Teito's fellow priests-in-training. At first glance, Hakuren is prissy, prim, and snotty; he's good at what he does and he knows it. At the same time though, he's willing to coach those who're in need, and is ready to help out even people who irritate him at first. His ego sometimes gets in the way, but he's a compassionate and loyal friend, dedicated to his ideals and the people he choses to respect.
SAMPLE APP:
Greetings, lost lambs of Camp Fuck You Die! I, Hakuren Oak, have arrived as requested in order to teach you of ways of our church! Though you are the festering undead, fear not! I am a man with a mission to save your souls! I would also save lives, but it seems that it's a little late for that at this point with this lot. No matter, it's not anything that we can't work around: the most important thing here is to lay you poor souls to rest. With my guidance, you'll be on your way to your next lives in no time!
First, let's start with a prayer session. Assume the proper position on your knees. Good, now if you'll-- I beg your pardon! The celibacy of the priesthood is not something that is in question here, so you can keep your crass jokes to yourself. I have nothing but the purest intentions, and little boys have nothing to do with them.
Hmph, that's better. Ah, but you. Your stance is a little bit off. I know it's difficult enough when you've only one leg to kneel on, but here. You can lean on me. That's right, just a little -- sir, please move your hand, it's unseemly to just drape yourself on someone like that. Straighten up, there we go -- yes, yes, like that. Good. It's gratifying to see someone who actually cares enough to give my generous offer of help the consideration it deserves. God helps those who help themselves, after all, but it's always at least polite to ask with proper prayers. If you don't know any, never fear! I shall assist you until you've learned them by heart! ... No, digging through your actual heart won't bring the words to you. Please stop that.
We'll start with something simple; simply read the lines off the page with me. "Praise be to our Heavenly Father, who watches us fap from the ceiling"-- wait, what is this?! I never wrote anything like that! The good Lord would never! Ugh, how ridiculous -- let's try a different one. "With the Lord as my shepherd, I will fear no temptation; guide us through Marcy's tender tentacled touch--" Marcy? Shouldn't that be "mercy"? And why does it have tentacles? I've always thought of mercy as more of an abstract concept-- oh. I see. Tell me who on earth would be all right with that?! Honestly, no wonder this place is in such desperate need of spiritual cleansing! Moving on, let's see, "Forgive us, Father, for we have rickrolled," "give us this day, our daily brains," "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of 404" ...
... My greatest apologies, everyone. I am still but a priest-in-training, and it appears I have made a grave clerical error.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tokio Shimura
Series: Hitomi no Catoblepas
Character Age: ~15ish
Canon: For some people, a bleeding eye is a serious condition that should be dealt with immediately by a medical professional. For Shimura Tokio it's a sign that demons ("yoma") are near and he's going to have to kick their asses. A reluctant hero, Tokio is typically sequestered away in the Genbu Temple where he devotes large amounts of time to watching anime. While he does have a television, Tokio doesn't believe in socialization, or even really, communication (he doesn't even have a phone in his house!).
Back to the eye -- Tokio's left eye is special -- inside of it is the demon Catoblepas. Catoblepas gives Tokio the ability to stop the time of various objects, such as freezing debris in mid air, or stopping the time of a coat and thus rendering it as hard as iron and indestructible. He can also kill anything that looks into his eye instantly. Like most main characters Tokio is the master of monologuing on both his Purpose, and How His Powers Work. When he isn't monologuing Tokio is rather shy and would prefer to be left alone, but when evil stirs he finds it in himself to get off the couch and go put it down. He has little patience for theatrics (his own speech giving aside) and has a decidedly calm and mildly exasperated tone when dealing with repetitive dramatics -- such as people screaming and yelling about his eye, or demons trying to kill him. Same old, same old.
Sample Post:
I've finally found you, even hiding in this swamp hasn't disguised your ugly nature from me. It's only made me very tired of mud and a little irritated. Yoma "Arborphilianashi", you are easily recognized by your bad smell and the uniquely shaped 'branches'. Some have called them the shadowed tentacles of death, and even others have called them 'doom-rods'. You hide your deadly tentacles beneath your green foliage and when unsuspecting teenagers walk by you grab them, and then suck them dry, leaving behind soulless zombies. It looks like you've had your way with just about everything that's wandered past, including innocent animals like rabbits and squirrels. You cannot be permitted to carry on for any longer. You won't have your way with anyone else, I'll stop you here and now!
Trying to use the landscape against me won't work at all. I've already walked the length of this swamp twice, and I know it well. You can try to hide in-between the more lively trees, but your tentacles give you away. And hiding next to a tree with underwear on it was a bad move. I might not have weapons, but I do have a water bottle and I know how to use it. You'd be surprised at how anything can become a weapon if you hold it right. Everything is more than meets the eye, so to speak.
Here we go again... this part is always so troublesome. Stop flailing around and making such a mess. You're a demon, missing a few tentacles shouldn't stop you. Screaming isn't going to make a difference. It certainly won't help you escape, this left eye of mine was specially made and with it I can stop your every move. It's how I cut you with this water bottle. Its natural 'hardness' wouldn't be enough to penetrate your flesh, but by stopping its time I made it hard enough to penetrate anything.
...Look, I don't have time to deal with you right now. There is a marathon of my favorite anime running this evening and I need to catch the next train home. Lets finish this quickly. I've immobilized you by freezing the underwear you shook down from the tree next to you. They're stopped in mid-air, indestructible and suspended in time. You won't be able to move, or even shift the underwear a centimeter, until I start their time again. I've made a cage out of them, now just look into my eyes and it will be ove--
-- you're pollinating.
I'm going to need more underwear. And a VCR.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tawara Bunshichi
Series: Tenjho Tenge
Character Age: 20
Canon: High school is the time of a person's youth where they learn all the things they need in life. In Tenjou Tenge, however, the one lesson learned at Toudou Academy is what it means to be a warrior. Created to bring back martial arts to the youth of Japan, this school has a crapload of kids studying all different forms of combat. The manga revolves around one particular group known as the Jyuukenbu, showing their members', past and present, struggles and insane antics. It's only found out after many volumes that this premise is merely a facade put over an even bigger plot... Which is revealed to be another front for yet another plot, etc, etc, etc.
Tawara Bunshichi aka Double Impact Tawara is one of the founders of the Jyuukenbu but doesn't really have an interest in fighting. Ever since an emotrauma incident two years previous, he has not been associated with the group and continues to search for his "rose-colored high school life." Even though he's still a Junior, having failed two years in a row, Bunshichi is the mentor character who will use his strength to protect those who are in need of it even when he insists that he will not get involved in the chaos that starts going down. Sadly, even with this heroic attitude, Bunshichi is a bit of a lecher. A tits man, he loves to comment on breasts any chance he gets.
Sample Post:
Hey, hey, look here. I came here because I was told that this would be the ultimate kind of paradise for any hot blooded male and you're going to get in my way? Now see, you guys don't look like you're really in the best sort of shape, and I'm really not one who wants to get into unnecessary fights. So how 'bout just letting me make my way over to that onsen over there and getting a niiiiiice eyeful of those lovely curves out there? Believe me, I've had my one true paradise taken from me a long time ago and I don't get particularly happy when a bunch of asshats get in my way.
Whoa, easy there. I'm not looking for a fight. Really. Don't get so hostile. It doesn't take much to shuffle a little to the left, right? Going for my brain isn't going to solve anything. Hell, it just gets me kind of pissed off. How else am I going to be able to take in this beautiful sight that's just riiiiight behind you over there. That you're blocking. If you think you're capable to taking my brain, go ahead and try but there's no way you'll be able to do more than eat your own fists--no, that wasn't a suggestion but... well, that's a completely new kind of tactic.
As great as it is that you're so determined to punish yourselves, you're still blocking the view. Now. You have a choice. Move now and I'll go easy on you, or completely ignore my preachings about the perfection of feminine attractions and how they should never be covered up and be free to bounce and jiggle as nature intended and I get Exorcist Tawara on your collective faces. Trust me, after all this wandering about in the muck and the stench of these woods, this oasis ahead of me is worth more than your "gorgeous" complexion you've got going on there, shithead.
So. What'll be, boys?
... uh huh. It figures. No one ever listens to an old man when he has a lesson to teach. Kids these days, really.
Poll Vote!
Character: Pearl Fey
Series: Phoenix Wright (Games 2 and 3)
Character Age: 8
Canon: The Ace Attorney games take place in the not so distant future where trials are sped up to finish within three days in order to keep up with the high crime rate. Enter Phoenix Wright, a defense attorney, who believes in you who believes in him! However, belief is not enough when he's up against impossible odds like trying to cross examine a parrot, witnesses that throw their toupee in his face, and a prosecutor who likes to whip him. Thankfully, sometimes help comes in the form of his dead mentor being channeled by little girls.
Pearl Fey is a genius spirit medium from Kurain Village. Because of Pearl's sheltered childhood, she can be very naive and lacks knowledge about the world around her. Still, she will try her very best to be as much help to anyone who needs it, especially to her cousin Maya who she idolizes. She can be quiet around strangers but will cheerfully talk on and on when it her favourite subject: the fairytale romantic relationship between Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey that exists only in her head.
Permission from Maya to namedrop.
Sample App:
Hello. I'm looking for Mystic Maya. She has clothes like I'm wearing and has long hair and is very pretty and smart. Miss Director hired her to channel a spirit and I came to cheer her on! ...except I can't find her. I'm worried that Mystic Maya might be having trouble because I keep hearing everyone say awful things about Miss Director. Like she's an evil witch except I thought witch doesn't have a 'b' in it. There better not be anyone standing in Mystic Maya's way just because they don't like Miss Director... or.. or I won't forgive them!
Anyway, I... I don't think Miss Director is as mean as everyone thinks she is. After all, she knew I wanted to come so she sent Mr. Bear to get me. He appeared like a knight on a white horse except he was driving a van. He was so kind, offering me candy but I didn't take any; Mother told me that candies cause caveedees. I hope I didn't hurt Mr. Bear's feelings. I'm sure someone else would enjoy his aids! Miss Director knows such kind people, so I'm sure she can't be such a bad person!
...but I think maybe Miss Director is a witch after all. This place is so magical, like out of a fairy tale! There's dancing gorillas just like in Jungle Book and trees that grow... underwear? If you put on the underwear does it transform into a dress? Still, I don't think she's evil at all because Miss Director is actually very sad. She lost her 'special person'. So maybe she was a good witch, but she's just lonely and just wants someone to be with her. Mister? I think you should go to try and apologize. If you spent some time with her, you'll realize she's not so mean, and she'll feel less lonely. And maybe you might become her new 'special person'. ♥
Quick, you need to be by Miss Director's side! No one can find her? Of course they can't. If Miss Director is really a witch, she must be hiding inside a large tower, guarded by monsters, right? That's how it's always in the stories. You can do it though! If you open your heart and wish more than anything to find her, you'll be able to do anything, even defeat the lake monster as long as you have your love. You even have Mr. Singing Crab to help you, so you can't lose. When you two finally kiss the curse on camp will break just like a real fairytale!
You don't have to be scared. I'm sure Miss Director will like you. But just in case, I can lend you some of the magic kissing plant. I was saving it for later ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Mercedes
Series: Odin Sphere
Character Age: Unspecified. (Appears teenage-ish.)
Canon: The fantasy world of Odin Sphere, a somewhat Norse mythology inspired universe. In a quest that spans eight stages continents, the player takes turns leading various characters as they attempt to prevent the apocalypse from happening and the world from ending, in addition to other various Bad Things. (Spoiler alert: they fail.)
One such character is the (very young) fairy Queen Mercedes. Before she became a Queen, she was brash, selfish, and expected everyone she met to serve her; a typical spoiled princess. But after her Mother's sudden death, she found herself victim of a 'revolution,' planned by her cousin, who intended to usurp the throne for himself. Confronted with this challenge (among others), she finds the courage, patience, and will power to put down the rebellion, face the other problems plaguing her people, and become a powerful, politically-adept Queen. (With a little help from her royal subjects.)
Please note that since Odin Sphere is an olyde fantasy world, practically all of the characters (including Mercedes) speak in a very stilted, almost Shakespearean mode of speech.
Sample Post:
Halt! I warn thee, creatures of the dead. Though I may be a visitor in this country on a diplomatic mission, I will not hesitate to fire my bow at a living, or unliving, thing. If you persist, I shall shoot.
You are... here to guide me, on behalf of the ruler of this realm? I see... I apologize for my prior response. But please understand my position, I have had former visits to many similar realms such as this, and my experiences all suggest an offensive assault as a primary greeting is not entirely unreasonable. Still, it was wrong for me to assume you were enemies without a proper hearing. My head, and bow, are lowered in apology.
You have a question for me? If this is a diplomatic mission, where is the ambassador? What nerve you have, to speak so flippantly. I shall tell you: make no mistake, I am not only an ambassador, I am the Queen of the Fairy Kingdom. The only Queen Fairy you shall likely ever meet. --...you say I'm not the only one?
You are obviously mistaken, but there are more pressing matters I must explain to you, if you will allow me the indulgence. You see, when I received this country's formal invitation, I never understood there would be no provided transportation. That, and the air of this country is so stale and reeking of pallor that my gentle wings cannot catch hold of the wind to fly. And since I cannot fly, my legs have grown more than weary supporting my winged frame. As small as I might be, could you please do something? Perhaps something simple, like a rickshaw? ...you have none, but you suggest a rickroll instead? I... must refuse. If you cannot provide some mode of familiar transportation, then let us simply rest for a moment. Perhaps my tired muscles will regain their strength...
And, while we happen to be stopping, perhaps we could talk about the recent current events a diplomat should know about? I confess to being curious of the state of this country. Furthermore, about the local government, is this a kingdom? A fiefdom? You say there is only one female ruler. I wonder if we can possibly form a connection through our shared experiences of being lone female rulers; albeit of separate territories, there must be some common ground. Not that I would begin to compare the meager beauty of my humble homeland to this true land of despair and misery. Though I must ask, what is the name of this land's dark mistress?
She is simply known as 'Derecktor'? She is a great, spider-like creature, who rules her country from her hidden fortress with the unwavering tenacity of a black widow searching for prey that have become stuck in her web? Oh dear... we shall have trouble finding common ground after all. I'm afraid my bid for diplomacy must end here. If we meet again, the only thing I shall care to direct at you are the arcane bolts of my weapon.
Poll Vote!
Name: Gale
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga (1 and 2)
Age: Somewhere in the range of 18-21.
Canon: Spoilers ahead! Tread lightly.
Here's a scenario: You're an emotionless doll living in a digital world, minding your own business as you fight pointless battles so you can ascend to Nirvana. Suddenly, the healing light of technojesus penetrates you. Only instead of healing you, it gives you wacky demonic powers, the inherent urge to eat people, and keeps trying to awaken all these pesky emotions. Do you: A) go crazy and devour everyone, B) become irrational with your newfound personality traits, or C) stay calm, and steadfastly resist all changes until you no longer can? If you're Gale, the lead strategist and most analytical member of the Embryon tribe, you went with option C. Congratulations! You have gained a proud sense of justice, honor, and maybe a little bit of compassion when it comes to children.
Once Gale's emotions finally awaken, he takes his insanely logical streak and combines it with a need for Things To Right Themselves. He looks down upon coercion, trickery, lying, and other dishonorable things, while maintaining his ability to reason and be rational. Ever the stoic one, Gale strives towards a Nirvana with no war, pointless murder, or hunger. When he discovers that in reality, Nirvana is plagued by a black sun that turns people into statues and that demonic cannibals still roam the planet, he is Not Pleased, and uses that righteous anger to drive himself. Gale occasionally has difficulty comprehending some emotions, so things like jokes and sarcasm tend to go over his head. He also does not see his being a demonic cannibal as something to be ashamed of; it is a part of who he is and therefore, there is clearly no reason to be conflicted over it.
Note: In canon, Gale has a habit of using the phrase "I do not comprehend" frequently. It has become his catchphrase, of sorts.
Sample Post:
The first thing to do is to assess the situation.
The informational brochure I received on my arrival is clearly faulty. It's text is laden with falsities, incorrect spelling and grammar, and references that I do not comprehend. This story concerning a woman who is running an abduction ring to determine who has killed her fiancé is rather outlandish, but based on the information-gathering I have done since I arrived, it may be the only possible explanation, albeit not a very reliable one.
I have my theories as to the location of this place, but none of them sit well with me. Perhaps this place is a new Nirvana, one that is different from my experiences. The sun, I believe, is as it should be but the moon watches me while I sleep. Regardless of where I walk to, its eyes continue to find me. This does little to quell my apprehension. Death and killing still pervade the area, and I have felt the presence of a powerful demon in the large body of water. If this is the new Nirvana, it is no better than it's predecessor. For that matter, I do not comprehend why Nirvana would require someone to direct its people, nor do I comprehend why anyone would construct such a place. For what purpose does this... camp exist? The Director's actions are completely illogical; if her goal is to discover the murderer of her fiancé, why then does she capture people at random? Does she have no indication as to the identity of the killer? If that is so, then the need for demons and hazardous living conditions is unnecessary.
It is also unacceptable. It is dangerous here for people who are unarmed or unable to fight, as they are forced to engage monsters on a regular basis. She has no integrity, no honor and no mercy. She has displayed her cowardice by refusing to show herself, she has shown her indignity by taking hostage innocent people, and she has shown her cruelty by unleashing a hoard of large purple demons to anyone who would so much as blink in their general direction. I imagine the monsters are here to subdue the weak, as they seem relatively powerless against an experienced fighter.
Fortunately, they were subdued and easily digested. It might be reasonable, at this point, to think of implementing a training program to teach the prisoners combat techniques, so they may fight the purple demons more effectively. The first lesson I will teach is this: uncover your latent abilities. While everyone has a weakness in battle, there are also strengths to complement it. Once you have discovered your strength, you may begin to exploit the enemies' weaknesses to your advantage. This not only ensures your victory, but if you are skilled, you will also gain a meal out of it. Avoid wasting food, as it is necessary for your survival.
Poll Vote!
Character: Paco
Series: Blue Beetle
Character Age: 16
Canon: Once upon a time in Mexico El Paso, Paco found a rock. Technically, his best friend Jaime did, but Paco unearthed it when he was thrown on top of it. Said rock turned out to be a genetically engineered alien creature that latched onto Jaime's spine, gave him superpowers and a homicidal headvoice and caused him to lose a year in outer space. Of course, the fun didn't stop there. Jaime spent the next few months struggling to pick up where he left off, survive destructive forces other than high school, expose an alien race's world domination plans, and teach the alien killing machine in his spine about the value of friendship, free will, and sarcasm. Of course, he couldn't have done it without the support of family and friends.
Which is where Paco comes in. Self-proclaimed "strategy guy" and best friend of El Paso's newest superhero, he's always ready to back his best amigo up any way he can -- by offering moral support, setting up a virtual "Beetlecave" behind Jaime's back, chatting up the ladies, launching a rocket, or clubbing his best friend over the head with a stick to save the day. (No, really.) He may not seem like the smartest guy around due to his lack of scholastic anything (he's still flunking Spanish) and an occasional tendency to make up words, but in a crisis he'll figure out how to get the job done. After all, as any good sidekick knows, you don't need superpowers or shiny tech to be badass -- just speak Spanglish and carry a big stick.
Sample Post:
Okay, so getting magically zapped into the ass-end of Deliverance country was a surprise. Thought I was in trouble for a second there. Hey, when you get beamed up with no warning like that, you don't expect to end up someplace like Acapulco or the Texas Bikini Team's dressing room. More like outer space, some booby-trapped dungeon maze, or an underground lab where they replace you with creepy-ass Pod People who like chick rock and tofu burgers. Where you got to deal with stuff like robot penguins, giant people, high-tech traps, huge man-eating insects or blood-sucking space squirrels. Nothing I couldn't handle-- just expected more of a challenge. Gotta be ready for anything. But this place? Pfft. No problemo. So what if I don't got no superpowers? Got a big stick and that's all I need. Anything gets in my way, it's going down.
Yeah, swamp's a new and gross experience, but the wildlife's nothing I ain't seen before. Psycho moving trees? Been there, dodged that. Fuzzy purple freaks? Beat one scarier than all of 'em combined. Shambling undead? Seen more convincing zombies taking orders at McDonald's. All I gotta do is wave the stick at 'em and they start dropping limbs and, uh, other stuff. Didn't need to see that. Speakin' of Romero rejects, we got a real winner here. Thinks dumping a buncha leaves and branches on his head and standing still makes him blend in. This one's dumber than any I seen yet-- ooooh. I get it. Okay, just gonna play along, head for the easy target, wind up and... take out el dumbass mas grande sneaking up behind me. Cut down the "tree" just as easy. Thought I was gonna fall for that? Nice try. One swing's all it takes and BAM! Hasta you later, zombies. Man, I got nothing to worry about. I can do this all day. This place holding back or what? Not expecting strategy from the undead, but a little more variety would be cool--
...Ooookay, maybe not. Sorry, chica, but you're not my type. Got a lotta practice beating the ladies off with a stick already, but there's no way I'm hitting that-- not the way you want. I got a no-undead policy that I don't break for nobody. Not even zombie Jessica Alba. That was not a good dream. Maybe the brain-deprived dudes around here think you're corpsealicious, but I got standards. I like 'em with a pulse. Hey! That's it, I'm done playing around. Hands. Off. The. Stick. Now! And another one bites the... Aw, you gotta be kidding me. 'Course it'd be the loco Frankenstein's wanna-be wet dream that gets back up when I hit it. And again. And again. And again. Damn, can't you take a hint and stay down? No means no!
Oh, man. Finally. That was... like the anti-sexy fight, but least this means I'm getting somewhere. If they're getting creative, there's gotta be a boss fight coming up. Then I'm taking down whoever's running this freakshow. Can't be all that tough if these clowns are the best they can throw at me. When I find 'em I'm gonna shove this stick up their-- uh, their--
--tentacles? Aw, hell.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED.
Character: Hakuren Oak
Series: 07-Ghost
Character Age: ~15/16
Canon: They say that history is written by the victors -- but there's that and there's the story of the survivors. Teito Klein's entire world is turned upside-down when he discovers he's actually the prince of the destroyed Raggs Kingdom as well as the carrier of the weapon known as the Eye of Michael. Betrayed by the Baselburg military he's been serving all his life, Teito flees to sanctuary with the church, where he eventually enters into training to become a priest, hoping to use the autonomy of that position to discover the truth of what happened ten years ago.
The estranged son of a military nobleman, Hakuren Oak left home to enter the church and is one of Teito's fellow priests-in-training. At first glance, Hakuren is prissy, prim, and snotty; he's good at what he does and he knows it. At the same time though, he's willing to coach those who're in need, and is ready to help out even people who irritate him at first. His ego sometimes gets in the way, but he's a compassionate and loyal friend, dedicated to his ideals and the people he choses to respect.
SAMPLE APP:
Greetings, lost lambs of Camp Fuck You Die! I, Hakuren Oak, have arrived as requested in order to teach you of ways of our church! Though you are the festering undead, fear not! I am a man with a mission to save your souls! I would also save lives, but it seems that it's a little late for that at this point with this lot. No matter, it's not anything that we can't work around: the most important thing here is to lay you poor souls to rest. With my guidance, you'll be on your way to your next lives in no time!
First, let's start with a prayer session. Assume the proper position on your knees. Good, now if you'll-- I beg your pardon! The celibacy of the priesthood is not something that is in question here, so you can keep your crass jokes to yourself. I have nothing but the purest intentions, and little boys have nothing to do with them.
Hmph, that's better. Ah, but you. Your stance is a little bit off. I know it's difficult enough when you've only one leg to kneel on, but here. You can lean on me. That's right, just a little -- sir, please move your hand, it's unseemly to just drape yourself on someone like that. Straighten up, there we go -- yes, yes, like that. Good. It's gratifying to see someone who actually cares enough to give my generous offer of help the consideration it deserves. God helps those who help themselves, after all, but it's always at least polite to ask with proper prayers. If you don't know any, never fear! I shall assist you until you've learned them by heart! ... No, digging through your actual heart won't bring the words to you. Please stop that.
We'll start with something simple; simply read the lines off the page with me. "Praise be to our Heavenly Father, who watches us fap from the ceiling"-- wait, what is this?! I never wrote anything like that! The good Lord would never! Ugh, how ridiculous -- let's try a different one. "With the Lord as my shepherd, I will fear no temptation; guide us through Marcy's tender tentacled touch--" Marcy? Shouldn't that be "mercy"? And why does it have tentacles? I've always thought of mercy as more of an abstract concept-- oh. I see. Tell me who on earth would be all right with that?! Honestly, no wonder this place is in such desperate need of spiritual cleansing! Moving on, let's see, "Forgive us, Father, for we have rickrolled," "give us this day, our daily brains," "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of 404" ...
... My greatest apologies, everyone. I am still but a priest-in-training, and it appears I have made a grave clerical error.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tokio Shimura
Series: Hitomi no Catoblepas
Character Age: ~15ish
Canon: For some people, a bleeding eye is a serious condition that should be dealt with immediately by a medical professional. For Shimura Tokio it's a sign that demons ("yoma") are near and he's going to have to kick their asses. A reluctant hero, Tokio is typically sequestered away in the Genbu Temple where he devotes large amounts of time to watching anime. While he does have a television, Tokio doesn't believe in socialization, or even really, communication (he doesn't even have a phone in his house!).
Back to the eye -- Tokio's left eye is special -- inside of it is the demon Catoblepas. Catoblepas gives Tokio the ability to stop the time of various objects, such as freezing debris in mid air, or stopping the time of a coat and thus rendering it as hard as iron and indestructible. He can also kill anything that looks into his eye instantly. Like most main characters Tokio is the master of monologuing on both his Purpose, and How His Powers Work. When he isn't monologuing Tokio is rather shy and would prefer to be left alone, but when evil stirs he finds it in himself to get off the couch and go put it down. He has little patience for theatrics (his own speech giving aside) and has a decidedly calm and mildly exasperated tone when dealing with repetitive dramatics -- such as people screaming and yelling about his eye, or demons trying to kill him. Same old, same old.
Sample Post:
I've finally found you, even hiding in this swamp hasn't disguised your ugly nature from me. It's only made me very tired of mud and a little irritated. Yoma "Arborphilianashi", you are easily recognized by your bad smell and the uniquely shaped 'branches'. Some have called them the shadowed tentacles of death, and even others have called them 'doom-rods'. You hide your deadly tentacles beneath your green foliage and when unsuspecting teenagers walk by you grab them, and then suck them dry, leaving behind soulless zombies. It looks like you've had your way with just about everything that's wandered past, including innocent animals like rabbits and squirrels. You cannot be permitted to carry on for any longer. You won't have your way with anyone else, I'll stop you here and now!
Trying to use the landscape against me won't work at all. I've already walked the length of this swamp twice, and I know it well. You can try to hide in-between the more lively trees, but your tentacles give you away. And hiding next to a tree with underwear on it was a bad move. I might not have weapons, but I do have a water bottle and I know how to use it. You'd be surprised at how anything can become a weapon if you hold it right. Everything is more than meets the eye, so to speak.
Here we go again... this part is always so troublesome. Stop flailing around and making such a mess. You're a demon, missing a few tentacles shouldn't stop you. Screaming isn't going to make a difference. It certainly won't help you escape, this left eye of mine was specially made and with it I can stop your every move. It's how I cut you with this water bottle. Its natural 'hardness' wouldn't be enough to penetrate your flesh, but by stopping its time I made it hard enough to penetrate anything.
...Look, I don't have time to deal with you right now. There is a marathon of my favorite anime running this evening and I need to catch the next train home. Lets finish this quickly. I've immobilized you by freezing the underwear you shook down from the tree next to you. They're stopped in mid-air, indestructible and suspended in time. You won't be able to move, or even shift the underwear a centimeter, until I start their time again. I've made a cage out of them, now just look into my eyes and it will be ove--
-- you're pollinating.
I'm going to need more underwear. And a VCR.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tawara Bunshichi
Series: Tenjho Tenge
Character Age: 20
Canon: High school is the time of a person's youth where they learn all the things they need in life. In Tenjou Tenge, however, the one lesson learned at Toudou Academy is what it means to be a warrior. Created to bring back martial arts to the youth of Japan, this school has a crapload of kids studying all different forms of combat. The manga revolves around one particular group known as the Jyuukenbu, showing their members', past and present, struggles and insane antics. It's only found out after many volumes that this premise is merely a facade put over an even bigger plot... Which is revealed to be another front for yet another plot, etc, etc, etc.
Tawara Bunshichi aka Double Impact Tawara is one of the founders of the Jyuukenbu but doesn't really have an interest in fighting. Ever since an emotrauma incident two years previous, he has not been associated with the group and continues to search for his "rose-colored high school life." Even though he's still a Junior, having failed two years in a row, Bunshichi is the mentor character who will use his strength to protect those who are in need of it even when he insists that he will not get involved in the chaos that starts going down. Sadly, even with this heroic attitude, Bunshichi is a bit of a lecher. A tits man, he loves to comment on breasts any chance he gets.
Sample Post:
Hey, hey, look here. I came here because I was told that this would be the ultimate kind of paradise for any hot blooded male and you're going to get in my way? Now see, you guys don't look like you're really in the best sort of shape, and I'm really not one who wants to get into unnecessary fights. So how 'bout just letting me make my way over to that onsen over there and getting a niiiiiice eyeful of those lovely curves out there? Believe me, I've had my one true paradise taken from me a long time ago and I don't get particularly happy when a bunch of asshats get in my way.
Whoa, easy there. I'm not looking for a fight. Really. Don't get so hostile. It doesn't take much to shuffle a little to the left, right? Going for my brain isn't going to solve anything. Hell, it just gets me kind of pissed off. How else am I going to be able to take in this beautiful sight that's just riiiiight behind you over there. That you're blocking. If you think you're capable to taking my brain, go ahead and try but there's no way you'll be able to do more than eat your own fists--no, that wasn't a suggestion but... well, that's a completely new kind of tactic.
As great as it is that you're so determined to punish yourselves, you're still blocking the view. Now. You have a choice. Move now and I'll go easy on you, or completely ignore my preachings about the perfection of feminine attractions and how they should never be covered up and be free to bounce and jiggle as nature intended and I get Exorcist Tawara on your collective faces. Trust me, after all this wandering about in the muck and the stench of these woods, this oasis ahead of me is worth more than your "gorgeous" complexion you've got going on there, shithead.
So. What'll be, boys?
... uh huh. It figures. No one ever listens to an old man when he has a lesson to teach. Kids these days, really.
Poll Vote!
Character: Pearl Fey
Series: Phoenix Wright (Games 2 and 3)
Character Age: 8
Canon: The Ace Attorney games take place in the not so distant future where trials are sped up to finish within three days in order to keep up with the high crime rate. Enter Phoenix Wright, a defense attorney, who believes in you who believes in him! However, belief is not enough when he's up against impossible odds like trying to cross examine a parrot, witnesses that throw their toupee in his face, and a prosecutor who likes to whip him. Thankfully, sometimes help comes in the form of his dead mentor being channeled by little girls.
Pearl Fey is a genius spirit medium from Kurain Village. Because of Pearl's sheltered childhood, she can be very naive and lacks knowledge about the world around her. Still, she will try her very best to be as much help to anyone who needs it, especially to her cousin Maya who she idolizes. She can be quiet around strangers but will cheerfully talk on and on when it her favourite subject: the fairytale romantic relationship between Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey that exists only in her head.
Permission from Maya to namedrop.
Sample App:
Hello. I'm looking for Mystic Maya. She has clothes like I'm wearing and has long hair and is very pretty and smart. Miss Director hired her to channel a spirit and I came to cheer her on! ...except I can't find her. I'm worried that Mystic Maya might be having trouble because I keep hearing everyone say awful things about Miss Director. Like she's an evil witch except I thought witch doesn't have a 'b' in it. There better not be anyone standing in Mystic Maya's way just because they don't like Miss Director... or.. or I won't forgive them!
Anyway, I... I don't think Miss Director is as mean as everyone thinks she is. After all, she knew I wanted to come so she sent Mr. Bear to get me. He appeared like a knight on a white horse except he was driving a van. He was so kind, offering me candy but I didn't take any; Mother told me that candies cause caveedees. I hope I didn't hurt Mr. Bear's feelings. I'm sure someone else would enjoy his aids! Miss Director knows such kind people, so I'm sure she can't be such a bad person!
...but I think maybe Miss Director is a witch after all. This place is so magical, like out of a fairy tale! There's dancing gorillas just like in Jungle Book and trees that grow... underwear? If you put on the underwear does it transform into a dress? Still, I don't think she's evil at all because Miss Director is actually very sad. She lost her 'special person'. So maybe she was a good witch, but she's just lonely and just wants someone to be with her. Mister? I think you should go to try and apologize. If you spent some time with her, you'll realize she's not so mean, and she'll feel less lonely. And maybe you might become her new 'special person'. ♥
Quick, you need to be by Miss Director's side! No one can find her? Of course they can't. If Miss Director is really a witch, she must be hiding inside a large tower, guarded by monsters, right? That's how it's always in the stories. You can do it though! If you open your heart and wish more than anything to find her, you'll be able to do anything, even defeat the lake monster as long as you have your love. You even have Mr. Singing Crab to help you, so you can't lose. When you two finally kiss the curse on camp will break just like a real fairytale!
You don't have to be scared. I'm sure Miss Director will like you. But just in case, I can lend you some of the magic kissing plant. I was saving it for later ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Mercedes
Series: Odin Sphere
Character Age: Unspecified. (Appears teenage-ish.)
Canon: The fantasy world of Odin Sphere, a somewhat Norse mythology inspired universe. In a quest that spans eight stages continents, the player takes turns leading various characters as they attempt to prevent the apocalypse from happening and the world from ending, in addition to other various Bad Things. (Spoiler alert: they fail.)
One such character is the (very young) fairy Queen Mercedes. Before she became a Queen, she was brash, selfish, and expected everyone she met to serve her; a typical spoiled princess. But after her Mother's sudden death, she found herself victim of a 'revolution,' planned by her cousin, who intended to usurp the throne for himself. Confronted with this challenge (among others), she finds the courage, patience, and will power to put down the rebellion, face the other problems plaguing her people, and become a powerful, politically-adept Queen. (With a little help from her royal subjects.)
Please note that since Odin Sphere is an olyde fantasy world, practically all of the characters (including Mercedes) speak in a very stilted, almost Shakespearean mode of speech.
Sample Post:
Halt! I warn thee, creatures of the dead. Though I may be a visitor in this country on a diplomatic mission, I will not hesitate to fire my bow at a living, or unliving, thing. If you persist, I shall shoot.
You are... here to guide me, on behalf of the ruler of this realm? I see... I apologize for my prior response. But please understand my position, I have had former visits to many similar realms such as this, and my experiences all suggest an offensive assault as a primary greeting is not entirely unreasonable. Still, it was wrong for me to assume you were enemies without a proper hearing. My head, and bow, are lowered in apology.
You have a question for me? If this is a diplomatic mission, where is the ambassador? What nerve you have, to speak so flippantly. I shall tell you: make no mistake, I am not only an ambassador, I am the Queen of the Fairy Kingdom. The only Queen Fairy you shall likely ever meet. --...you say I'm not the only one?
You are obviously mistaken, but there are more pressing matters I must explain to you, if you will allow me the indulgence. You see, when I received this country's formal invitation, I never understood there would be no provided transportation. That, and the air of this country is so stale and reeking of pallor that my gentle wings cannot catch hold of the wind to fly. And since I cannot fly, my legs have grown more than weary supporting my winged frame. As small as I might be, could you please do something? Perhaps something simple, like a rickshaw? ...you have none, but you suggest a rickroll instead? I... must refuse. If you cannot provide some mode of familiar transportation, then let us simply rest for a moment. Perhaps my tired muscles will regain their strength...
And, while we happen to be stopping, perhaps we could talk about the recent current events a diplomat should know about? I confess to being curious of the state of this country. Furthermore, about the local government, is this a kingdom? A fiefdom? You say there is only one female ruler. I wonder if we can possibly form a connection through our shared experiences of being lone female rulers; albeit of separate territories, there must be some common ground. Not that I would begin to compare the meager beauty of my humble homeland to this true land of despair and misery. Though I must ask, what is the name of this land's dark mistress?
She is simply known as 'Derecktor'? She is a great, spider-like creature, who rules her country from her hidden fortress with the unwavering tenacity of a black widow searching for prey that have become stuck in her web? Oh dear... we shall have trouble finding common ground after all. I'm afraid my bid for diplomacy must end here. If we meet again, the only thing I shall care to direct at you are the arcane bolts of my weapon.
Poll Vote!
Name: Gale
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga (1 and 2)
Age: Somewhere in the range of 18-21.
Canon: Spoilers ahead! Tread lightly.
Here's a scenario: You're an emotionless doll living in a digital world, minding your own business as you fight pointless battles so you can ascend to Nirvana. Suddenly, the healing light of technojesus penetrates you. Only instead of healing you, it gives you wacky demonic powers, the inherent urge to eat people, and keeps trying to awaken all these pesky emotions. Do you: A) go crazy and devour everyone, B) become irrational with your newfound personality traits, or C) stay calm, and steadfastly resist all changes until you no longer can? If you're Gale, the lead strategist and most analytical member of the Embryon tribe, you went with option C. Congratulations! You have gained a proud sense of justice, honor, and maybe a little bit of compassion when it comes to children.
Once Gale's emotions finally awaken, he takes his insanely logical streak and combines it with a need for Things To Right Themselves. He looks down upon coercion, trickery, lying, and other dishonorable things, while maintaining his ability to reason and be rational. Ever the stoic one, Gale strives towards a Nirvana with no war, pointless murder, or hunger. When he discovers that in reality, Nirvana is plagued by a black sun that turns people into statues and that demonic cannibals still roam the planet, he is Not Pleased, and uses that righteous anger to drive himself. Gale occasionally has difficulty comprehending some emotions, so things like jokes and sarcasm tend to go over his head. He also does not see his being a demonic cannibal as something to be ashamed of; it is a part of who he is and therefore, there is clearly no reason to be conflicted over it.
Note: In canon, Gale has a habit of using the phrase "I do not comprehend" frequently. It has become his catchphrase, of sorts.
Sample Post:
The first thing to do is to assess the situation.
The informational brochure I received on my arrival is clearly faulty. It's text is laden with falsities, incorrect spelling and grammar, and references that I do not comprehend. This story concerning a woman who is running an abduction ring to determine who has killed her fiancé is rather outlandish, but based on the information-gathering I have done since I arrived, it may be the only possible explanation, albeit not a very reliable one.
I have my theories as to the location of this place, but none of them sit well with me. Perhaps this place is a new Nirvana, one that is different from my experiences. The sun, I believe, is as it should be but the moon watches me while I sleep. Regardless of where I walk to, its eyes continue to find me. This does little to quell my apprehension. Death and killing still pervade the area, and I have felt the presence of a powerful demon in the large body of water. If this is the new Nirvana, it is no better than it's predecessor. For that matter, I do not comprehend why Nirvana would require someone to direct its people, nor do I comprehend why anyone would construct such a place. For what purpose does this... camp exist? The Director's actions are completely illogical; if her goal is to discover the murderer of her fiancé, why then does she capture people at random? Does she have no indication as to the identity of the killer? If that is so, then the need for demons and hazardous living conditions is unnecessary.
It is also unacceptable. It is dangerous here for people who are unarmed or unable to fight, as they are forced to engage monsters on a regular basis. She has no integrity, no honor and no mercy. She has displayed her cowardice by refusing to show herself, she has shown her indignity by taking hostage innocent people, and she has shown her cruelty by unleashing a hoard of large purple demons to anyone who would so much as blink in their general direction. I imagine the monsters are here to subdue the weak, as they seem relatively powerless against an experienced fighter.
Fortunately, they were subdued and easily digested. It might be reasonable, at this point, to think of implementing a training program to teach the prisoners combat techniques, so they may fight the purple demons more effectively. The first lesson I will teach is this: uncover your latent abilities. While everyone has a weakness in battle, there are also strengths to complement it. Once you have discovered your strength, you may begin to exploit the enemies' weaknesses to your advantage. This not only ensures your victory, but if you are skilled, you will also gain a meal out of it. Avoid wasting food, as it is necessary for your survival.
Poll Vote!
Character: Paco
Series: Blue Beetle
Character Age: 16
Canon: Once upon a time in Mexico El Paso, Paco found a rock. Technically, his best friend Jaime did, but Paco unearthed it when he was thrown on top of it. Said rock turned out to be a genetically engineered alien creature that latched onto Jaime's spine, gave him superpowers and a homicidal headvoice and caused him to lose a year in outer space. Of course, the fun didn't stop there. Jaime spent the next few months struggling to pick up where he left off, survive destructive forces other than high school, expose an alien race's world domination plans, and teach the alien killing machine in his spine about the value of friendship, free will, and sarcasm. Of course, he couldn't have done it without the support of family and friends.
Which is where Paco comes in. Self-proclaimed "strategy guy" and best friend of El Paso's newest superhero, he's always ready to back his best amigo up any way he can -- by offering moral support, setting up a virtual "Beetlecave" behind Jaime's back, chatting up the ladies, launching a rocket, or clubbing his best friend over the head with a stick to save the day. (No, really.) He may not seem like the smartest guy around due to his lack of scholastic anything (he's still flunking Spanish) and an occasional tendency to make up words, but in a crisis he'll figure out how to get the job done. After all, as any good sidekick knows, you don't need superpowers or shiny tech to be badass -- just speak Spanglish and carry a big stick.
Sample Post:
Okay, so getting magically zapped into the ass-end of Deliverance country was a surprise. Thought I was in trouble for a second there. Hey, when you get beamed up with no warning like that, you don't expect to end up someplace like Acapulco or the Texas Bikini Team's dressing room. More like outer space, some booby-trapped dungeon maze, or an underground lab where they replace you with creepy-ass Pod People who like chick rock and tofu burgers. Where you got to deal with stuff like robot penguins, giant people, high-tech traps, huge man-eating insects or blood-sucking space squirrels. Nothing I couldn't handle-- just expected more of a challenge. Gotta be ready for anything. But this place? Pfft. No problemo. So what if I don't got no superpowers? Got a big stick and that's all I need. Anything gets in my way, it's going down.
Yeah, swamp's a new and gross experience, but the wildlife's nothing I ain't seen before. Psycho moving trees? Been there, dodged that. Fuzzy purple freaks? Beat one scarier than all of 'em combined. Shambling undead? Seen more convincing zombies taking orders at McDonald's. All I gotta do is wave the stick at 'em and they start dropping limbs and, uh, other stuff. Didn't need to see that. Speakin' of Romero rejects, we got a real winner here. Thinks dumping a buncha leaves and branches on his head and standing still makes him blend in. This one's dumber than any I seen yet-- ooooh. I get it. Okay, just gonna play along, head for the easy target, wind up and... take out el dumbass mas grande sneaking up behind me. Cut down the "tree" just as easy. Thought I was gonna fall for that? Nice try. One swing's all it takes and BAM! Hasta you later, zombies. Man, I got nothing to worry about. I can do this all day. This place holding back or what? Not expecting strategy from the undead, but a little more variety would be cool--
...Ooookay, maybe not. Sorry, chica, but you're not my type. Got a lotta practice beating the ladies off with a stick already, but there's no way I'm hitting that-- not the way you want. I got a no-undead policy that I don't break for nobody. Not even zombie Jessica Alba. That was not a good dream. Maybe the brain-deprived dudes around here think you're corpsealicious, but I got standards. I like 'em with a pulse. Hey! That's it, I'm done playing around. Hands. Off. The. Stick. Now! And another one bites the... Aw, you gotta be kidding me. 'Course it'd be the loco Frankenstein's wanna-be wet dream that gets back up when I hit it. And again. And again. And again. Damn, can't you take a hint and stay down? No means no!
Oh, man. Finally. That was... like the anti-sexy fight, but least this means I'm getting somewhere. If they're getting creative, there's gotta be a boss fight coming up. Then I'm taking down whoever's running this freakshow. Can't be all that tough if these clowns are the best they can throw at me. When I find 'em I'm gonna shove this stick up their-- uh, their--
--tentacles? Aw, hell.
Poll Vote!