This weekend
This weekend was horrible and great all in one..lol..
Now I can type without someone looking over my shoulder and give my true honest feelings. Tyler has left this morning, he left at 6 am this morning. I was desperate for him to stay, but glad to see him go..if that makes any sense...we talked and talked and he swears nothing happened between her and him , he said when he gets back he will get to the bottom of this mess. I have mixed feeling..on one hand he did drive 12 hours to make things right and he said all the right things, but on the other my own insecurities say he is lying. I dont know. Yesterday was nice just us hanging out, we , meaning me , tyler and the kids, went out for lunch, went to Logans Steakhouse...yummy...and then just hung out at the house the rest of the day. I thought long and hard all day on what I wanted to do and say and I thought I had it all figured out. I told him last nite after the kids were asleep that until he figured out what was what with us, he needed to take his ring back. I thought he was gonna cry right then and there. I wasnt doing it to hurt him, well maybe I was. I was doing it to save myself. I dont EVER want to feel what I felt saturday again. Maybe my heart was still hurting who knows. He wouldnt take the ring back,he said I owed it to him to at least find out the truth first. To let him get to the bottom of it. So I agreed but right now I cant wear his ring, it hurts to much right now.
I love this man, probably more then I have loved any man in my life, including my ex husband, and the thought of him with another woman makes me violently Ill. If she is waht he wants , he can have her and they deserve eachother, if he wants me I could be the best thing that ever happened to him. But if I have to I will walk away, it may just kill me, but I can do it. Most you will probably say well he did drive all that way, which yeah helps his case a lot but I am still devestated by this. We did decide that he is Moving here sooner then we thought....so hopefully...also...........
There is going to be another HUGE update here in the next day or so...I just need to be 100 % sure before I do or say anything....so stay tuned...LOL