Letting Go (1/1)

Jan 20, 2008 22:11


Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Radek/John
Summary: For John Sheppard everything was personal, especially the loss of one of his people.
Disclaimer: These guys don't belong to me.
Beta: Michelle
Notes: Written for flubber2kool for the Czech is in the Male Thing-a-Thon, whose request was discovery, journey, intimacy; a happy ending; Zelenka/Sheppard, Zelenka/McKay, or any other Zelenka pairing.


Radek eventually found John standing on the balcony at the top of the East tower. It was a warm, rainy summer night on the new planet they had made their home. The air was thick with salt and the smell of the ocean. John, dressed all in black, seemed to fade into the cloudy night sky behind him.

Radek had not been surprised when he had returned from his lab earlier that night to discover his rooms empty of John. In the last year it had become more and more frequent that John, who normally ended his day earlier than Radek, would let himself into his lover's quarters and be there when Radek returned home some time later. That afternoon, however, John and his team had returned from a mission that Radek knew had ended badly. The team had been accompanied by four marines and one of them had been wounded in a fight. Soon after their return, a city-wide email have been sent letting everyone know that the young woman had not survived.

Radek had worked for one military or another his entire adult life. As a young man, he had been conscripted into active service, although his intelligence and engineering ability had kept him from serving on the front lines. After being released from the military, Radek had almost immediately been approached by the Americans with an offer to work at Area 51. He had worked for the SGC or IOA ever since.

Over the years, he had known many soldiers, both good and bad at their jobs. In all that time, he'd never met anyone who took the type of personal responsibility for everyone under his command the way that John did. John might have been charming, sarcastic and easy-going on the surface, but Radek understood that all of those were a mask that hid the man's true feelings. For John Sheppard everything was personal, especially the loss of one of his people.

As he stood in the doorway to the balcony Radek knew that John knew that Radek was there watching him. The rain was loud, but Radek had never been able to sneak up on John. John was simply too good at what he did to allow himself to be caught off guard.

“You didn't have to come find me,” John said after several minutes.

Radek shook his head and stepped out onto the balcony, into the rain. He reached out and placed a gentle hand on John's elbow. “You're brooding.”

John's silence was his only answer. Radek could tell that he was fighting hard against the comfort that Radek was offering and the release that they both knew that he needed. John spent too much of his life being the one in charge, the one responsible for the safety and security of everyone he knew. Every once in a while he needed someone to take that burden from him, to be in charge just for a little bit, and treat him like he was the most precious thing in the galaxy. It was a job that Radek was more than willing to take on.

“John,” Radek said sternly. Fighting this wasn't helping John. Luckily, Radek was used to dealing with stubborn men. He was also used to getting his own way in the end because he could be just as stubborn as any of them.

John shivered, then relaxed into Radek's touch and closed his eyes. It was the only permission that Radek needed.

“That's better,” Radek told his lover in a soothing voice and then repeated himself, “You're brooding.”

This is a conversation they'd had before. John felt guilty whenever someone on Atlantis came to harm, but he knew as well as any of them that everyone in the city had made the same choice. By the time they made their first journey through the gate, they'd all accepted the possibility that they could die in Pegasus. They'd also reconciled themselves to the fact that the risk was worth the work they were doing out there.

“Don't do this to yourself, John. Come inside,” Radek insisted. He wrapped his hand around John's elbow and pulled the other man towards him. John resisted momentarily, still not ready to completely submit to Radek's will, but then let out a deep breath and followed Radek's lead.

Radek led John off the balcony and into the East tower. There was no one around in this part of the city, so Radek had no concerns about reaching down and taking John's hand in his. Even though it was a warm night, John's hand was freezing cold.

“I wish you wouldn't do this when it's raining,” Radek said as they headed to the nearest transporter.

John's hand tightened around Radek's, but he didn't say anything. They spent the rest of the short trip back to Radek's rooms in silence. Radek didn't need words to  convey the concern he felt for John, and he knew that John would find the words he needed when he was ready and not before.

Once in him rooms, Radek led John straight to the shower. He undressed quickly and then helped John off with his sodden uniform. Radek pushed the button on the wall that started the Ancient shower, then opened the door to the enclosure and stepped inside with John.

In the Ancient showers, water fell directly from a spray head sunken into the ceiling. The enclosure was rectangular, with the water dispensed near one end and a bench set into the wall on the other end. The space was more than large enough for both John and Radek and probably a couple other people as well.

Radek moved John directly under the water stream, and picked up the soap. Despite his wiriness, John had a very nice chest. Radek loved the feel of the other man's muscles under his hands and so started his washing of John there. He threaded his fingers through John's chest hair, then found a nipple and pinched it gently. John gasped and closed his eyes. Eventually Radek continued down John's body washing each of John's arms in turn, taking time to massage John's fingers and hands as he went.

“She was only twenty five,” John finally started. Radek had been in the process of massaging John's left hand. He thread his fingers through John's and then brought their entwined hands up to rest on his chest.

“And you're forty one and I'm thirty eight and none of use are ready to die,” Radek told him. “But we've all accepted the possibility that it could happen.”

“But...”

“Hush, John,” Radek insisted and the other man fell silent, trusting that Radek knew what he needed.  As far as Radek was concerned, there was nothing more intimate than the trust that John gave him.

Radek reached up with both his hands, cupped John's face and pulled him down for a kiss. Their mouths met and slid together. Radek gently slid his tongue into John's mouth and began a long, slow exploration. John's arms slipped around Radek's waist and pulled the smaller man tight against his body. Radek could feel John's hard length pressing into his stomach and knew he was having the same reaction to his lover. They kissed deeply for several moments before Radek slowly disengaged himself and took a step back.

“On your stomach on the bed,” Radek instructed as soon as he had regained his breath. John had warmed up from his time spent in the rain and the worst of the dirt from his mission had been washed away. There was something more pressing that they both needed now.

John nodded, turned off the shower with a thought and stepped out of the enclosure. He grabbed a towel and headed into the bedroom. Radek followed him out of the shower, but stopped in front of the bathroom mirror and took a deep breath.

Maybe Radek should have been used to it by then, but he was still worried whenever John went through the gate with his team. When Radek heard something had gone wrong with this mission, he had been terrified that John wouldn't come back. Over the past year, Radek had fallen so deeply in love that he wasn't sure what he would do if one day John or Rodney wasn't able to work a miracle and get the team home safely. The fact that John came home today was testament to the fact that they've beaten the odds once more. Right then Radek needed to reconnect with John just as much as John needed to be reassured that Radek was there for him.

Radek dried himself off as he listened to John moving around in the bedroom. He grabbed a condom from the box that was sitting next to the sink, unwrapped it and smoothed it down his length. He closed his eyes and pumped himself a couple of times as he imagined what John looked like waiting for him in his bed. He moaned softly and then released himself, knowing he wouldn't last long if he kept that up. Radek grabbed the lube from next to the box of condoms and headed out of the washroom.

John was lying on the middle of Radek's bed, his legs parted enticingly and his face turned to the left. John's hair was a black mess on Radek's white sheets and his closed eyes were dark smudges in his face. He looked achingly delicate and sinfully seductive all at the same time.

Radek stepped to the end of the mattress and knelt between John's spread legs. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on each globe of John's ass. John's skin was smooth and warm under his lips. Using his thumbs, he pulled John's cheeks apart so that he could just see the dark entrance to the other man's body. Radek slipped one finger down to John's entrance and gently circled that tight hole. John gasped and bucked back against Radek.

Radek made a soft shushing sound, then leaned down to replace his finger with his tongue. He licked a wide stripe across John's entrance, then pushed his tongue past the tight ring of muscle and into his lover's body. John gasped again and ground down into the bed. Radek grabbed John's hips to hold the other man down and pushed in deeper. He loved doing this to John, teasing him and reminding him of the full penetration that was just out of reach, but invariably coming.

“Radek, please,” John begged after several moments of sweet torture.

Radek smiled and pulled back from his lover. John Sheppard begging was just about the hottest thing he had ever heard.

Radek gently patted John on the ass, a signal to the other man that he should scoot up the bed and get on his knees. As John rearranged himself on the bed, Radek opened the lube and squeezed some out into his hand.

He quickly lubed two fingers and, as soon as John had settled, pushed those digits into John's loosened hole. Radek's fingers slid in easily; John's silken heat seemed to suck him in. He found the other man's prostate and gently brushed against the gland. John cried out and bucked back against him.

“Shh, John,” Radek murmured. “It is okay, love. Soon.”

Radek pulled his fingers out, and although he usually preferred to stretch John more, slicked up his cock and slowly slid into his lover's body. Radek, as always, was almost overwhelmed by how incredibly good John's body felt clamped around him. After his first, slow press in, he pulled back and started fucking John in earnest.

Time seemed to lose all meaning as pleasure overwhelmed Radek's senses. He could hear John moaning underneath him and knew that his lover was close. Radek reached forward and wrapped his hand around John's cock which was hot and urgent under Radek's fingers. It only took two quick strokes and John was coming with a deep shout. The sound traveled up Radek's spine and a moment later he was coming deep within his lover's body.

They fell to the bed together. John was loose-limbed and dreamy under Radek. He whined slightly as Radek gently pulled from his body and Radek knew it was from the loss of their connection rather than any sort of physical pain. Radek patted John's ass as he rose from the bed. “I'll be right back,” he promised and then headed for the washroom.

Radek quickly brushed his teeth, cleaned himself up and then grabbed a damp cloth and headed back to John.

John hadn't moved. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even, but Radek knew that he wasn't asleep. Radek sat on the bed next to his lover's hip. He parted John's cheeks with his left hand and gently cleaned him. A tap to John's hip had the man rolling over onto his back and Radek wiped up his stomach as well. When Radek was satisfied that John was clean, he tossed the cloth in the direction of the clothes hamper. He maneuvered a sleepy John up the bed and under the covers. John sprawled onto his back and Radek took his customary spot on John's shoulder.

“Thank you,” John said softly after several moments of silence. “You always know when I need that.”

“If you didn't get yourself so worked up, you wouldn't need it as often,” Radek replied gently.

“They're my people.” John seemed to be searching for more words to explain his feelings to Radek, but Radek didn't need them.

“I know,” Radek assured his lover. “It's why I love you.”

“You too,” John murmured.

Radek smiled. He thread his fingers through the thick hair on John's chest and slung one of his legs over John's. Tomorrow they would need to face the world once more, but right then, if only for that night, Radek could protect John from a galaxy that wanted to take him away. It would have to be enough.

*** end ***
01-17-08

fic, sga

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