Is this a good sign?

[canadizzle]

I had always kind of been afraid before. Afraid that I'm lying to everybody, including myself. When I say I love you to my mom and brother and Lori, do I mean it? I mean, when I go off and visit somewhere, I might think passingly of one of them if I have reason to, but even then just for a couple seconds across the hours/days/weeks that I'm gone

Comments

[untstuntstgirl]

<3
How are you doing?

I wonder to myself if I mean it that I love my family.
Sometimes I think I say it because I hate to.

But...I know deep down, that there are people in my life who I don't always like, I'm not always happy with, but who I love very much, and who I would miss like crazy were they gone.

Maybe...you're realizing that? I don't know. Just speculations. :-)

[canadizzle]

Did you mean "because I have to?"

Anyway, yeah, that's what I've been worried about. In fact, the first time I told my ex-girlfriend that I loved her was a reflex, as we were getting off the phone and she said "Love you" so I naturally said "Love you too"

A couple hours later I realized I'd done it, and looked back on it and figured it was true, and probably that my mouth was getting ahead of my mind...but what if that hadn't been the case? Call back, say "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that, I don't love you?"

There's no way you can NOT say I love you really, and that's kind of what happens with family.

Luckily, I'm pretty sure I love my family a whole lot. I just don't think about them much.

[untstuntstgirl]

Yeah, I meant to say "have".

And yeah, love is a tricky situation.
Jesse and I discuss it a lot.
What it means.
What it could mean.
What different forms it has.

It's a sticky topic.
It can be so many different things, and to so many different people.
And most people...most people don't even know what it means to them to begin with.

[canadizzle]

I think there are four different words for love in latin.

[guajira13]

I haven't been on here for a while so I didn't see your post until this morning. I don't think it's weird, wrong or at all strange that you think of your dad a lot, Jamie. You miss him and that's completely understandable. The reason why I think you don't think about your mom, Lori, and your brother as much during your free moments is that you know they'll be around for supper that night. Their presence in your life is both constant and dependable. I want you to remember that you can come to me any time that something is bothering you and I will do my best for you.
Take Care.
~Jess

[canadizzle]

The thing is though that I didn't think "Ah, well I'll see them later" it's always just been "Heh, Ryan would have found that funny" or something and then moved on. Even those thoughts are past tense yet they don't occur nearly as often.

But yeah, you're probably right, it's probably subconscious or something.

[guajira13]

But subconciously you still know that they're around. You don't need to think of someone every waking moment to know that they're around.

[canadizzle]

Hehe, you're arguing a point I've already accepted ;)

[tom_tcohad]

Yes, you do have a heart.
No, you are not faking it.
Maybe, you are a squirrel?

Hang in there bud. :)

[canadizzle]

You could have told me in advance and saved me a lot of grief! ;) j/k

Thanks Tom.

[alwayslost0715]

I think you have an amazing heart.
I always feel akward telling my parents I love them or showing any affection, because in my heart, Im not sure I do.
Thats a terrible thing to say I guess, but I think it'll all be okay.

Do sudoku during calculus.

[canadizzle]

Actually I typically either try to name incredibly crazy chemical compounds, or do extremely difficult examples of what the class is doing, or I start working ahead :)

I did some crazy Open Mathematics Test earlier today, and one of the questions was like su doku!

[untstuntstgirl]

Hahahaha....we were doing something with derivatives and graphs and what not in Calc one day, and somebody asked "can you spell out words on your grapher?"
Sangston said "If you really wanted to."

So I spent the rest of the period figuring out the proper equations to spell out "Hi Alana" on my grapher.
However, due to the ammount of equations I needed and the ammount that the grapher ALLOWS me to enter at once, I only got as far as "HI AL". :-P

[canadizzle]

Hehehe. Well....you can always just hit shift alpha, then type in what you want. You can even do it in a program and recall it later.

So easy to cheat with those things.