I'm back!
I was diagnosed with bladder cancer at the very end of 2004 (I was 23, turning 24 at the time). I joined this group, had surgery, recovered, had lots of follow-up appointments, and the tumors weren't coming back. After a couple of years, I started feeling like a cancer-poser, so I stopped watching this community.
Well, life went on, I continued with my periodic cystoscopies (checkups where they put a scope in your bladder and check for recurrent tumors), and then stuff got in the way and I didn't get a checkup for a while.
I'm 28 now. Monday I went back for an overdue cystoscopy. This time I went to a private practice (before this time, I was in the low-income/free hospital system) and the experience was much more comfortable than before, but we found at least three new tumors. I have to schedule surgery and everything again. I'm frustrated because they aren't calling me back because of something with insurance (I have cheap grad-student insurance). I think my insurance isn't going to cover it and I'll probably be referred back to the low-income hospital system, which is fine, but I really really really want to get the scheduling out of the way. Also, I'm kind of upset because I really liked this doctor and I wanted him to do the surgery.
I'm also a bit nervous because these tumors looked different from the tumors I had last time. The tumors I had last time were bigger, but they were the kind that are usually superficial (don't go deep into the bladder wall, and are relatively easily removed). These were smaller and kind of flat. There are two types of bladder cancer, the one I had last time, and the flat kind. The flat kind is really bad. So, I don't know if these are the flat kind, or if these are just the same ones I had before, but they're just at the beginning stages. He didn't tell me what he thought. So now my mind is racing about that. If it's the flat kind, it might be deep and spreading. Ugh.
I haven't told my mom and stepdad yet because I don't want to freak them out. They're already stressed about their own stuff. Also, I feel incredibly guilty because I'm afraid I did this to myself. Even though the doctors don't think this has anything to do with smoking (they think it's a freak occurrence because bladder cancer is generally a disease men get at age 68+, and I'm a woman who started having symptoms two years before I was diagnosed at age 23, almost 24), I still feel guilty. I quit after I was first diagnosed. Thenk Katrina happened, so I started again. Then I quit. Then my dad died a pretty gruesome, tragic death (he was very ill for a long time and schizophrenic, and Katrina put him over the edge and he pretty much starved himself to death in the nursing home), so I started again. And then stopped, and then started, and then stopped and then started. I feel like a horrible human being because I was given a second chance and I blew it, and so many people would kill for a second chance. I hate that I make excuses, too. Blah blah blah happened, so I started again. I have issues with mental illness, so it's ok if I smoke some cigarettes. Ugh, I disgust myself with that shit.
Ummmm I'm gonna put this behind a cut because it's so whiny.
Anyway, any other young people have bladder cancer?
Thanks!
Jane
Well, life went on, I continued with my periodic cystoscopies (checkups where they put a scope in your bladder and check for recurrent tumors), and then stuff got in the way and I didn't get a checkup for a while.
I'm 28 now. Monday I went back for an overdue cystoscopy. This time I went to a private practice (before this time, I was in the low-income/free hospital system) and the experience was much more comfortable than before, but we found at least three new tumors. I have to schedule surgery and everything again. I'm frustrated because they aren't calling me back because of something with insurance (I have cheap grad-student insurance). I think my insurance isn't going to cover it and I'll probably be referred back to the low-income hospital system, which is fine, but I really really really want to get the scheduling out of the way. Also, I'm kind of upset because I really liked this doctor and I wanted him to do the surgery.
I'm also a bit nervous because these tumors looked different from the tumors I had last time. The tumors I had last time were bigger, but they were the kind that are usually superficial (don't go deep into the bladder wall, and are relatively easily removed). These were smaller and kind of flat. There are two types of bladder cancer, the one I had last time, and the flat kind. The flat kind is really bad. So, I don't know if these are the flat kind, or if these are just the same ones I had before, but they're just at the beginning stages. He didn't tell me what he thought. So now my mind is racing about that. If it's the flat kind, it might be deep and spreading. Ugh.
I haven't told my mom and stepdad yet because I don't want to freak them out. They're already stressed about their own stuff. Also, I feel incredibly guilty because I'm afraid I did this to myself. Even though the doctors don't think this has anything to do with smoking (they think it's a freak occurrence because bladder cancer is generally a disease men get at age 68+, and I'm a woman who started having symptoms two years before I was diagnosed at age 23, almost 24), I still feel guilty. I quit after I was first diagnosed. Thenk Katrina happened, so I started again. Then I quit. Then my dad died a pretty gruesome, tragic death (he was very ill for a long time and schizophrenic, and Katrina put him over the edge and he pretty much starved himself to death in the nursing home), so I started again. And then stopped, and then started, and then stopped and then started. I feel like a horrible human being because I was given a second chance and I blew it, and so many people would kill for a second chance. I hate that I make excuses, too. Blah blah blah happened, so I started again. I have issues with mental illness, so it's ok if I smoke some cigarettes. Ugh, I disgust myself with that shit.
Ummmm I'm gonna put this behind a cut because it's so whiny.
Anyway, any other young people have bladder cancer?
Thanks!
Jane