Review: Ice Cream
Ice cream in review, an overview:
(submitted by meredithsparkle)
Final Score: 4.5 out of 5, or 9 out of 10.
Pros:
1. Wealth of varieties.
2. Delicious, yet inexpensive.
3. Highly customizeable.
Cons:
1. Ice Cream Headaches.
2. Very seasonal.
3. Messy to the extreme.
4. Makes you thirsty.
Details:
Ahh, ice cream. The very phrase strikes fear into the hearts of vanilla beans everywhere. Let's face it. Vanilla is the default flavor. It's white, like a blank piece of paper waiting for a creator's inspiration to manifest upon it's spherical body. You know. Sprinkles.
Now, as any connoisseur of the finer things in life would know, there's a lot more to ice cream than just vanilla. That's just the gateway flavor. It's the one you start off with before you move on to harder stuff like chocolate, which always leads to experiments with the type of stuff that they have to smuggle out of Columbia. Yep. The coffee flavors. My point is, there are a lot of flavors of ice cream.
It's not enough for the ice cream engineers of the world that there are so many flavors, though. Those guys go all out. They've brought us such innovations as chocolate syrup and sprinkles. They've dipped into the cookie sciences and seamlessly adapted the chocolate chip to practical ice cream applications. They've even taken such mundane foodstuffs as peanuts and pecans, and they've chopped them up. Some people don't even stop there. Once you've been to the edge and back, you'll have tried such drastic toppings as gummi bears.
Show of hands from everybody who remembers when Hardees and Ghostbusters II (the movie) had a promotional ice cream sundea topped with simulated snot!
Argh, okay, put your arms down... it's summer and you guys aren't smelling too fresh these days... which brings us to a major downfall of ice cream. It's a seasonal thing. Some people will eat ice cream in the winter, but those people are fanatics and you should never make eye contact with them. If you are one of those people, I can only suggest that you avoid mirrors, consult a psychologist, and most importantly, stay the hell away from me. You freak me out.
Before anybody calls me out on my famous Ben and Jerry's "Half Baked" binges that know no seasons, be informed that the above paragraph was strictly in reference to the street variety of ice cream. The ice cream sold by vendors. Inner-city thug ice cream. Ice cream consumed indoors, in the privacy of your own home, especially that which is distributed in respectable cartons, is nobody's business but yours. Just don't tell me anything about those wierd fetishes of yours and I won't tell you any more about mine. Deal? Good.
I think that it's fair to say that there is a flavor for everybody... and everybody loves ice cream... but does your ice cream love you? The aromatic, delicate, seductively sweet flavor of ice cream makes you want to indulge yourself, but doing so causes physical pain. This is a cruel irony indeed.
Bizarre drug references: Check.
Bizarre sexual references: Check.
Looks like my mission's accomplished here. I've elaborated on everything in my pros/cons list that needs elaboration. Can't say much about it being inexpensive. It just is (barring the gourmet stuff). Can't say much about making you thirsty. It just does.
(submitted by meredithsparkle)
Final Score: 4.5 out of 5, or 9 out of 10.
Pros:
1. Wealth of varieties.
2. Delicious, yet inexpensive.
3. Highly customizeable.
Cons:
1. Ice Cream Headaches.
2. Very seasonal.
3. Messy to the extreme.
4. Makes you thirsty.
Details:
Ahh, ice cream. The very phrase strikes fear into the hearts of vanilla beans everywhere. Let's face it. Vanilla is the default flavor. It's white, like a blank piece of paper waiting for a creator's inspiration to manifest upon it's spherical body. You know. Sprinkles.
Now, as any connoisseur of the finer things in life would know, there's a lot more to ice cream than just vanilla. That's just the gateway flavor. It's the one you start off with before you move on to harder stuff like chocolate, which always leads to experiments with the type of stuff that they have to smuggle out of Columbia. Yep. The coffee flavors. My point is, there are a lot of flavors of ice cream.
It's not enough for the ice cream engineers of the world that there are so many flavors, though. Those guys go all out. They've brought us such innovations as chocolate syrup and sprinkles. They've dipped into the cookie sciences and seamlessly adapted the chocolate chip to practical ice cream applications. They've even taken such mundane foodstuffs as peanuts and pecans, and they've chopped them up. Some people don't even stop there. Once you've been to the edge and back, you'll have tried such drastic toppings as gummi bears.
Show of hands from everybody who remembers when Hardees and Ghostbusters II (the movie) had a promotional ice cream sundea topped with simulated snot!
Argh, okay, put your arms down... it's summer and you guys aren't smelling too fresh these days... which brings us to a major downfall of ice cream. It's a seasonal thing. Some people will eat ice cream in the winter, but those people are fanatics and you should never make eye contact with them. If you are one of those people, I can only suggest that you avoid mirrors, consult a psychologist, and most importantly, stay the hell away from me. You freak me out.
Before anybody calls me out on my famous Ben and Jerry's "Half Baked" binges that know no seasons, be informed that the above paragraph was strictly in reference to the street variety of ice cream. The ice cream sold by vendors. Inner-city thug ice cream. Ice cream consumed indoors, in the privacy of your own home, especially that which is distributed in respectable cartons, is nobody's business but yours. Just don't tell me anything about those wierd fetishes of yours and I won't tell you any more about mine. Deal? Good.
I think that it's fair to say that there is a flavor for everybody... and everybody loves ice cream... but does your ice cream love you? The aromatic, delicate, seductively sweet flavor of ice cream makes you want to indulge yourself, but doing so causes physical pain. This is a cruel irony indeed.
Bizarre drug references: Check.
Bizarre sexual references: Check.
Looks like my mission's accomplished here. I've elaborated on everything in my pros/cons list that needs elaboration. Can't say much about it being inexpensive. It just is (barring the gourmet stuff). Can't say much about making you thirsty. It just does.