Fixed [4/9] (Colby/OFC-Callie, Don/OFC-Emily, PG)
Originally posted to mustangcandi and shared 11.21.07 through savecolby...
Title: Fixed, Part IV of IX
Characters/Pairings: Colby/OFC-Callie, Don/OFC-Emily
Rating: PG (language)
Word Count: 3,488
Summary: She wanted answers...
Spoilers: 3.24 - The Janus List
Notes/Warnings: The fourth part of the follow up series to Broken. I wrote all 9 "Fixed" pieces after 3.24 - The Janus List but before 4.01 - Trust Metric to resolve my issues with the situation so I could sleep at night. Any similarities between this and Trust Metric are PURELY coincidental...no credit is meant to have been taken or earned from this fan fic. It was all for my own personal therapy. This part is a little schmoopy, and may be a bit unrealistic...but that's fiction for you. :)
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, regrettably - it's not mine.
Don didn’t ask her any questions when she called in sick on Thursday. She didn’t even have to lie. Another sleepless night and hours of forceful tears had made her physically ill. She couldn’t keep anything down, and she couldn’t sleep it off…and she couldn’t cry any more. And because of that, she just didn’t know what to do with all of the emotions that were whirling through her. She was still so angry…so very angry, but she was too tired to let it consume her any more. Without the fierce anger she felt, the hurt crept back into her soul. This wasn’t the pain of betrayal, however. No, she thought, this was much worse. This was the pain of missing Colby so completely that she thought she would never be whole again without him. She missed every single thing about him, whether it had been real or not. She missed most the feel of his arms wrapped around her when she needed his strength. She missed the comforting words he had to offer when things upset her. She needed him to be there now…to tell her it was all right and this had all been a bad dream, and yet knowing that he wasn’t there - that he wouldn’t be there, made her angry at herself for needing such things.
That night she dreamt of him. All night long, he was with her when she slept. The dreams offered her little comfort though when she woke in the morning and found he was not beside her. She ran her hand over the cold, empty space of the bed once filled so completely with him and she could feel the tears choking her again even if there were no more tears to cry. She wasn’t feeling much better than she had the day before, but as she looked again to the empty space beside her, she knew she had to do something other than lay there. She forced herself out of bed and into the shower so that she could get back to work. At least work could offer her a distraction - anything to keep her from thinking about him for even one moment during the day.
She’d spent less time trying to avoid Don, and more time catching up with him on several cases they’d let sit for too long. He tried to get her to go home, seeing the anger mixed with the hurt she just couldn’t hide but she refused. She’d actually threatened the livelihood of his future children at one point if he told her to go home one more time - and Don had been glad for that. At least that was a sign that the Callie he knew and loved was still hiding somewhere under the seemingly expressionless shell that was standing in front of him. He wanted to tell her that she could fix this. He wanted to tell her to quit being so stubborn and to listen, but something in the way she looked at him let him know that her earlier threat was not an empty one. So for his sake, for Emily’s sake, and for the sake of future generations of the Eppes family - he decided to leave it alone…at least for the moment.
When he called her into the office on Saturday morning, Callie had been thankful for the distraction. When her phone rang, she had been on the back deck, reliving the way Colby had looked at her from the living room when he’d come to pick up his clothes. She wasn’t sure if her mind was now playing games with her but she thought she remembered now that there was sadness in his eyes. Had his left eye been blackened? Had there been a cut on his right cheek from the scuffle between him and David? She’d been so focused on her anger, she hadn’t really taken the time to look at him but suddenly her memory was forcing her to see him…and seeing him only made her miss him that much more. And of course missing him, knowing she could have given him a chance that night only propelled her anger and the shame she was feeling. Anger and shame were two emotions she’d had just about enough of and so when Don asked her to come to the office, she immediately looked forward to a long day of work to keep her from her thoughts.
But when she got to the office and found that it was relatively empty, she somehow knew it wasn’t for a case that she’d been called there. She wasn’t sure what Don was up to and quite frankly, it made her nervous but she knew he was expecting her and she wasn’t going to turn back now. Cautiously, she made her way into the office and found Don sitting at his desk. As soon as she saw him, she saw that he was scowling and she immediately wondered about his mood and what had made him call her.
When he saw her, without a gesture of greeting, he stood from his desk and spoke composedly. “Come with me.”
She couldn’t deny that she was taken aback for a moment hearing the tone in his voice. She instantly recognized it as the tone he used for interrogating suspects and she knew he had never before used that voice on her. She couldn’t help the way her stomach tightened again with nervousness as she obeyed him, following him into the privacy of an empty observation room.
As soon as they were both inside, he pulled out a chair for her and spoke, “Sit.”
She looked at him a moment, searching his eyes for what was happening and her hesitation made him speak again. “It’s not a request Callie. It’s an order.”
Her own face instantly contorted into a scowl in his direction. Don knew she didn’t like being ordered by anyone, not even him. But something in his eyes told her she didn’t have a choice this time. Warily, she took the chair he offered and as soon as she was seated, he plopped a rather large brown folder down in front of her. Even before he said another word, she saw the name on the file and felt her stomach tighten further.
“Colburn Matthew Granger” she read quietly in her mind and found that her fingers ached to trace the shape of the letters as though it would bring him closer to her.
“Don, I…” she began as she looked back at him from where she sat.
“No Callie. This isn’t when you talk. This is when you listen,” he stated coolly. This was going to be one of the toughest things he’d ever done, but after working with her yesterday, he somehow knew this would be the only way to reach her. “I’ve never used the Agent in Charge card with you Callie. You’ve never given me a reason to…but now I’ve had enough. You won’t talk to Colby. You won’t listen to David. You won’t listen to me without threatening my future children. Fine. But you will listen to this,” he said opening the folder. “This…this is Colby’s file. His real file. Every thing he has ever done, even his damned elementary school transcripts. Don’t ask me what I had to do to get this…and if any one finds out I showed you, we could both lose our jobs. But…I figured this would be the only way to get through to you…to make you see.”
She opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off again. “You’re the best partner I’ve had Callie and I’m tired of waiting for you to come back to us. More than that, I’m tired of my wife - your best friend, making me sleep on the couch for things I have no control over. I want my partner back. I want my wife back, and I damned sure want my bed back…and apparently the only way to have that is to fix this thing with you.”
Callie didn’t want to, but she felt like smiling as she finally understood Don’s real motivation for the scowl upon his face. She would have to call Emily later and thank her for her persistence but for now she knew Don was going to make her focus on other things…things she probably didn’t want to know or hear…things she had come to the office today to avoid.
“Colby is a damned good agent and he’s coming back to the team on Monday and you’re going to work with him whether you want to or not. Love him, fine. Hate him, fine. I don’t really care at this point…but no matter, I need to know I can count on the both of you to do your jobs and to take care of each other because we are all on the same team. Now, you’re going to sit here…and you’re going to read this file - every thing in it and I do mean every thing Callie. I don’t care how much it hurts or how much you think you know. You don’t know anything and you need to learn. I’ll be waiting outside.”
He didn’t even give her a chance to respond before he was out the door. She had to admit - she’d never seen him this way…at least not with her. The fighter in her wanted to continue being stubborn and simply sit there without looking at the file in front of her. She knew, on a good day, she could out last Don in patience…but the fighter in her was tired, and the file in front of her called to her. She could see different colors of papers, notes, transcripts, pictures…all about Colby - the real Colby. Every thing she needed to know - what had been true, what had been lies - was sitting on the table in front of her…so with a deep breath and a racing heart, she pulled her chair closer.
With hands that shook, she reached out and touched the first page. Don hadn’t been exaggerating. These were his elementary school transcripts. She couldn’t fight the smile that crossed her lips as she read over his marks and again when she saw the class picture that was attached to the back. She instantly picked Colby out of the crowd. Even as a child, he’d had the same chiseled features he had now…though the younger Colby was much softer around the edges…less jaded from the world of experiences he’d been through since that time. She didn’t understand what purpose these notes served…but whoever had compiled this file, whatever branch of the government he’d been working for - they had a need to be thorough…to know exactly who Colby was and if he could be trusted. And now, more than ever, Callie needed to know the same thing.
She turned the page with more confidence and read more about his childhood. She kept reading through his teenage years, into high school…through college. There were transcripts, and articles. There were pictures and letters - all detailing every stage of his life. She read about extra curricular achievements and saw his awards not just for wrestling and football but also for his academic accomplishments. There were scholarships, and national recognitions. There were even notes on old girlfriends…mostly cheerleaders, and this made her laugh knowing that he had admitted that until the Army - cheerleaders had been his hobby.
These had been the easier, happier times of his life and she couldn’t deny that her heart was healing with the love she felt welling within for this man whose life lay before her. But then things changed. After college - he’d joined the Army…the fifth generation of soldier from his family. She read about several missions in Afghanistan, seeing before her so many of the horrors he had faced. There were some things so classified that even this detailed file couldn’t access them…but Callie didn’t need to know those details. She knew all she needed to know just from the memory of the nightmares Colby had about this time in his life. The dreams shook him to his very core - so much so that he would not recognize her or the home they shared for several moments after he woke up in a cold sweat, shouting for help.
She closed her eyes against the pain she’d felt for him…for what he’d been through, not sure if she had the strength to know any thing more. Yet somehow, she kept reading. Next in the file was his work with counter intelligence. This was where the assignment that had ultimately taken him from her began. The details here became hazy at best…most likely for the safety and success of the assignment but Callie gathered what she needed to know. There was a network of moles, and spies buried deep in CID, and in the Department of Justice…and the only way to connect the dots was to have someone go deep under cover - and that someone had been Colby. It had been three years of his life - three years spent carrying out this well laid plan…all culminating in his arrest.
After that day when he’d been taken away, they had actually sent him to the federal prison. And as Callie read that, she felt the weight hit her stomach. Federal prison…an FBI agent thought to be a traitor in a federal prison? She didn’t need to read anything in a file to know that Colby’s time there - no matter how brief, had been a painful one. She knew the stories. She knew that guards turned a blind eye to traitors. He would have had to fend for himself…he would have had to fight but not give anything away. And it was clear that he’d done just that because he had continued his work on the assignment…and he’d succeeded. He’d been cleared of his charges…and he’d been sent home - with not even a hero’s welcome.
She turned over the last page in the file and if she’d had the tears to cry, she would have when she saw the picture of him attached to the back. There he was in his Class A Army uniform. His expression was stern, but she could still see the softness in his eyes. Seeing Colby this way - the dutiful soldier - simply made her heart stop. He had done his job. He had served his team, and his country…and he’d done it at great personal risk to himself - just like she expected from any good solider.
Her chest and throat were constricted with emotion as she slipped the picture from underneath the paper clip and leaned back in her chair. With gentle fingers, she ran her hands over the shape of his face, as though it would help her remember exactly how he had felt against her. She continued to look at the picture, studying it…absorbing every thing she had just read. And as she looked at him, her eyes narrowed in curiosity. Even with the serious expression on his face, despite the tenderness in his eyes - there was still something missing. The sparkle, the light in his eyes was not there.
As she looked at him, she wondered where the light had been back then. When had it appeared? Then, suddenly…with a rush of memory, she knew the answer. The day he met her…the very first moment he looked at her she had seen the light rush into his eyes and it had been there every day after when he looked at her…every day until she’d given back his ring, she thought exhaling heavily as the weight of her choices bore down on her.
She leaned forward over the table as she let the picture slip from her hands. It was when she moved to hide her face in her folded arms that she noticed there was another file attached to the end of his. Her curiosity not yet sated despite the turbulent range of emotions she had just put herself through, she moved to open the file and gasped when she saw what was inside.
This wasn’t a file on Colby. This was a file on her. It seemed whoever he had been working for was most distressed about Colby’s interaction with a fellow female FBI agent. She recognized the date on the file as the first day that Colby had asked her out. That same day, she’d come under investigation. His superiors had not trusted her and they had seen her as a threat to their entire operation. They dug into her life…her past, her family, her friends - searching for anything they could find…thankfully to no avail. They’d satisfied themselves in the quest to determine if she was another spy who would ruin their well laid plans…but even after that, they had kept a close eye on her and the relationship between her and Colby. The day that Colby asked her to marry him, there was a detailed note regarding the psychological concerns they had for Colby and his ability to carry out his mission. The plans of his mission had been accelerated. They were afraid to wait. It seemed that the relationship she and Colby had developed so easily was just as much a surprise to his superiors as it had been to the two of them. But…that meant - without a doubt, she’d not been part of the plan. She’d been an unexpected surprise…and in that moment, finally - her heart opened and she truly listened.
Every thing…every single thing he had ever told her was right there in front of her. It had all been real. The only thing he’d lied about had been his assignment. Even that had not been a lie so much as an omission of the truth because he simply couldn’t tell her. Classified meant classified and anything he said about it could have been the undoing of all the work he’d put into it. She was not part of the plot. This hadn’t been a game. In actuality, she’d been the only thing in his life that hadn’t been official business for the US government. He’d been doing his job but he’d also shared as much of his life with her as he could. He had loved her all along and he’d given her everything - except that one piece of information…and she’d thrown it all away by not trusting him.
She leaned back in her chair again after she closed the file in front of her. She’d been wrong. She’d been so wrong…and she hated to be wrong. Now, any anger and pain she felt was replaced with shame. And yet, underneath it all…there was hope. Now she knew. She had her answers. Knowing the truth, she forced herself to admit what her selfish pride had kept her from admitting all along. This distance between them now…it wasn’t his fault. It was hers. And it was up to her to fix it…
She carefully tucked all the pieces of the file back together and stood, balancing herself for a moment against the way the room spun from all that she’d experienced and from the amount of time she had spent sitting. She took several deep breaths as she let her heart resolve with her mind what she needed to do and then she turned and made her way out of the room.
Don was waiting for her just outside the door. He was pacing back and forth, nervously checking his watch as was his habit. She could see the worry that was on his face. He was struggling with his decision and yet he was hopeful that it had been the right thing to do. Nearly as soon as he looked up to see her, the concern disappeared and relief washed over him. He saw what he needed to see, and she was glad for it even as she shared a look with him that let him know she had somewhere else she needed to be.
Neither said a word as she moved past him on her way out of the office.
She’d not taken very many steps before she turned, unable to keep her silence. “Don?”
He looked up when he heard his name, and he couldn’t fight the way he smiled as he waited expectantly for what she was about to say.
“I’ll…uh…I’ll call Emily and make sure she rewards you properly for this,” she said. Then she gave him a wink, and for the first time in over a month…she smiled at him, the gesture illuminating her entire face before she turned and headed for the elevator. [ original post]
<< Fixed, Part 3 Fixed, Part 5>>
Title: Fixed, Part IV of IX
Characters/Pairings: Colby/OFC-Callie, Don/OFC-Emily
Rating: PG (language)
Word Count: 3,488
Summary: She wanted answers...
Spoilers: 3.24 - The Janus List
Notes/Warnings: The fourth part of the follow up series to Broken. I wrote all 9 "Fixed" pieces after 3.24 - The Janus List but before 4.01 - Trust Metric to resolve my issues with the situation so I could sleep at night. Any similarities between this and Trust Metric are PURELY coincidental...no credit is meant to have been taken or earned from this fan fic. It was all for my own personal therapy. This part is a little schmoopy, and may be a bit unrealistic...but that's fiction for you. :)
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, regrettably - it's not mine.
Don didn’t ask her any questions when she called in sick on Thursday. She didn’t even have to lie. Another sleepless night and hours of forceful tears had made her physically ill. She couldn’t keep anything down, and she couldn’t sleep it off…and she couldn’t cry any more. And because of that, she just didn’t know what to do with all of the emotions that were whirling through her. She was still so angry…so very angry, but she was too tired to let it consume her any more. Without the fierce anger she felt, the hurt crept back into her soul. This wasn’t the pain of betrayal, however. No, she thought, this was much worse. This was the pain of missing Colby so completely that she thought she would never be whole again without him. She missed every single thing about him, whether it had been real or not. She missed most the feel of his arms wrapped around her when she needed his strength. She missed the comforting words he had to offer when things upset her. She needed him to be there now…to tell her it was all right and this had all been a bad dream, and yet knowing that he wasn’t there - that he wouldn’t be there, made her angry at herself for needing such things.
That night she dreamt of him. All night long, he was with her when she slept. The dreams offered her little comfort though when she woke in the morning and found he was not beside her. She ran her hand over the cold, empty space of the bed once filled so completely with him and she could feel the tears choking her again even if there were no more tears to cry. She wasn’t feeling much better than she had the day before, but as she looked again to the empty space beside her, she knew she had to do something other than lay there. She forced herself out of bed and into the shower so that she could get back to work. At least work could offer her a distraction - anything to keep her from thinking about him for even one moment during the day.
She’d spent less time trying to avoid Don, and more time catching up with him on several cases they’d let sit for too long. He tried to get her to go home, seeing the anger mixed with the hurt she just couldn’t hide but she refused. She’d actually threatened the livelihood of his future children at one point if he told her to go home one more time - and Don had been glad for that. At least that was a sign that the Callie he knew and loved was still hiding somewhere under the seemingly expressionless shell that was standing in front of him. He wanted to tell her that she could fix this. He wanted to tell her to quit being so stubborn and to listen, but something in the way she looked at him let him know that her earlier threat was not an empty one. So for his sake, for Emily’s sake, and for the sake of future generations of the Eppes family - he decided to leave it alone…at least for the moment.
When he called her into the office on Saturday morning, Callie had been thankful for the distraction. When her phone rang, she had been on the back deck, reliving the way Colby had looked at her from the living room when he’d come to pick up his clothes. She wasn’t sure if her mind was now playing games with her but she thought she remembered now that there was sadness in his eyes. Had his left eye been blackened? Had there been a cut on his right cheek from the scuffle between him and David? She’d been so focused on her anger, she hadn’t really taken the time to look at him but suddenly her memory was forcing her to see him…and seeing him only made her miss him that much more. And of course missing him, knowing she could have given him a chance that night only propelled her anger and the shame she was feeling. Anger and shame were two emotions she’d had just about enough of and so when Don asked her to come to the office, she immediately looked forward to a long day of work to keep her from her thoughts.
But when she got to the office and found that it was relatively empty, she somehow knew it wasn’t for a case that she’d been called there. She wasn’t sure what Don was up to and quite frankly, it made her nervous but she knew he was expecting her and she wasn’t going to turn back now. Cautiously, she made her way into the office and found Don sitting at his desk. As soon as she saw him, she saw that he was scowling and she immediately wondered about his mood and what had made him call her.
When he saw her, without a gesture of greeting, he stood from his desk and spoke composedly. “Come with me.”
She couldn’t deny that she was taken aback for a moment hearing the tone in his voice. She instantly recognized it as the tone he used for interrogating suspects and she knew he had never before used that voice on her. She couldn’t help the way her stomach tightened again with nervousness as she obeyed him, following him into the privacy of an empty observation room.
As soon as they were both inside, he pulled out a chair for her and spoke, “Sit.”
She looked at him a moment, searching his eyes for what was happening and her hesitation made him speak again. “It’s not a request Callie. It’s an order.”
Her own face instantly contorted into a scowl in his direction. Don knew she didn’t like being ordered by anyone, not even him. But something in his eyes told her she didn’t have a choice this time. Warily, she took the chair he offered and as soon as she was seated, he plopped a rather large brown folder down in front of her. Even before he said another word, she saw the name on the file and felt her stomach tighten further.
“Colburn Matthew Granger” she read quietly in her mind and found that her fingers ached to trace the shape of the letters as though it would bring him closer to her.
“Don, I…” she began as she looked back at him from where she sat.
“No Callie. This isn’t when you talk. This is when you listen,” he stated coolly. This was going to be one of the toughest things he’d ever done, but after working with her yesterday, he somehow knew this would be the only way to reach her. “I’ve never used the Agent in Charge card with you Callie. You’ve never given me a reason to…but now I’ve had enough. You won’t talk to Colby. You won’t listen to David. You won’t listen to me without threatening my future children. Fine. But you will listen to this,” he said opening the folder. “This…this is Colby’s file. His real file. Every thing he has ever done, even his damned elementary school transcripts. Don’t ask me what I had to do to get this…and if any one finds out I showed you, we could both lose our jobs. But…I figured this would be the only way to get through to you…to make you see.”
She opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off again. “You’re the best partner I’ve had Callie and I’m tired of waiting for you to come back to us. More than that, I’m tired of my wife - your best friend, making me sleep on the couch for things I have no control over. I want my partner back. I want my wife back, and I damned sure want my bed back…and apparently the only way to have that is to fix this thing with you.”
Callie didn’t want to, but she felt like smiling as she finally understood Don’s real motivation for the scowl upon his face. She would have to call Emily later and thank her for her persistence but for now she knew Don was going to make her focus on other things…things she probably didn’t want to know or hear…things she had come to the office today to avoid.
“Colby is a damned good agent and he’s coming back to the team on Monday and you’re going to work with him whether you want to or not. Love him, fine. Hate him, fine. I don’t really care at this point…but no matter, I need to know I can count on the both of you to do your jobs and to take care of each other because we are all on the same team. Now, you’re going to sit here…and you’re going to read this file - every thing in it and I do mean every thing Callie. I don’t care how much it hurts or how much you think you know. You don’t know anything and you need to learn. I’ll be waiting outside.”
He didn’t even give her a chance to respond before he was out the door. She had to admit - she’d never seen him this way…at least not with her. The fighter in her wanted to continue being stubborn and simply sit there without looking at the file in front of her. She knew, on a good day, she could out last Don in patience…but the fighter in her was tired, and the file in front of her called to her. She could see different colors of papers, notes, transcripts, pictures…all about Colby - the real Colby. Every thing she needed to know - what had been true, what had been lies - was sitting on the table in front of her…so with a deep breath and a racing heart, she pulled her chair closer.
With hands that shook, she reached out and touched the first page. Don hadn’t been exaggerating. These were his elementary school transcripts. She couldn’t fight the smile that crossed her lips as she read over his marks and again when she saw the class picture that was attached to the back. She instantly picked Colby out of the crowd. Even as a child, he’d had the same chiseled features he had now…though the younger Colby was much softer around the edges…less jaded from the world of experiences he’d been through since that time. She didn’t understand what purpose these notes served…but whoever had compiled this file, whatever branch of the government he’d been working for - they had a need to be thorough…to know exactly who Colby was and if he could be trusted. And now, more than ever, Callie needed to know the same thing.
She turned the page with more confidence and read more about his childhood. She kept reading through his teenage years, into high school…through college. There were transcripts, and articles. There were pictures and letters - all detailing every stage of his life. She read about extra curricular achievements and saw his awards not just for wrestling and football but also for his academic accomplishments. There were scholarships, and national recognitions. There were even notes on old girlfriends…mostly cheerleaders, and this made her laugh knowing that he had admitted that until the Army - cheerleaders had been his hobby.
These had been the easier, happier times of his life and she couldn’t deny that her heart was healing with the love she felt welling within for this man whose life lay before her. But then things changed. After college - he’d joined the Army…the fifth generation of soldier from his family. She read about several missions in Afghanistan, seeing before her so many of the horrors he had faced. There were some things so classified that even this detailed file couldn’t access them…but Callie didn’t need to know those details. She knew all she needed to know just from the memory of the nightmares Colby had about this time in his life. The dreams shook him to his very core - so much so that he would not recognize her or the home they shared for several moments after he woke up in a cold sweat, shouting for help.
She closed her eyes against the pain she’d felt for him…for what he’d been through, not sure if she had the strength to know any thing more. Yet somehow, she kept reading. Next in the file was his work with counter intelligence. This was where the assignment that had ultimately taken him from her began. The details here became hazy at best…most likely for the safety and success of the assignment but Callie gathered what she needed to know. There was a network of moles, and spies buried deep in CID, and in the Department of Justice…and the only way to connect the dots was to have someone go deep under cover - and that someone had been Colby. It had been three years of his life - three years spent carrying out this well laid plan…all culminating in his arrest.
After that day when he’d been taken away, they had actually sent him to the federal prison. And as Callie read that, she felt the weight hit her stomach. Federal prison…an FBI agent thought to be a traitor in a federal prison? She didn’t need to read anything in a file to know that Colby’s time there - no matter how brief, had been a painful one. She knew the stories. She knew that guards turned a blind eye to traitors. He would have had to fend for himself…he would have had to fight but not give anything away. And it was clear that he’d done just that because he had continued his work on the assignment…and he’d succeeded. He’d been cleared of his charges…and he’d been sent home - with not even a hero’s welcome.
She turned over the last page in the file and if she’d had the tears to cry, she would have when she saw the picture of him attached to the back. There he was in his Class A Army uniform. His expression was stern, but she could still see the softness in his eyes. Seeing Colby this way - the dutiful soldier - simply made her heart stop. He had done his job. He had served his team, and his country…and he’d done it at great personal risk to himself - just like she expected from any good solider.
Her chest and throat were constricted with emotion as she slipped the picture from underneath the paper clip and leaned back in her chair. With gentle fingers, she ran her hands over the shape of his face, as though it would help her remember exactly how he had felt against her. She continued to look at the picture, studying it…absorbing every thing she had just read. And as she looked at him, her eyes narrowed in curiosity. Even with the serious expression on his face, despite the tenderness in his eyes - there was still something missing. The sparkle, the light in his eyes was not there.
As she looked at him, she wondered where the light had been back then. When had it appeared? Then, suddenly…with a rush of memory, she knew the answer. The day he met her…the very first moment he looked at her she had seen the light rush into his eyes and it had been there every day after when he looked at her…every day until she’d given back his ring, she thought exhaling heavily as the weight of her choices bore down on her.
She leaned forward over the table as she let the picture slip from her hands. It was when she moved to hide her face in her folded arms that she noticed there was another file attached to the end of his. Her curiosity not yet sated despite the turbulent range of emotions she had just put herself through, she moved to open the file and gasped when she saw what was inside.
This wasn’t a file on Colby. This was a file on her. It seemed whoever he had been working for was most distressed about Colby’s interaction with a fellow female FBI agent. She recognized the date on the file as the first day that Colby had asked her out. That same day, she’d come under investigation. His superiors had not trusted her and they had seen her as a threat to their entire operation. They dug into her life…her past, her family, her friends - searching for anything they could find…thankfully to no avail. They’d satisfied themselves in the quest to determine if she was another spy who would ruin their well laid plans…but even after that, they had kept a close eye on her and the relationship between her and Colby. The day that Colby asked her to marry him, there was a detailed note regarding the psychological concerns they had for Colby and his ability to carry out his mission. The plans of his mission had been accelerated. They were afraid to wait. It seemed that the relationship she and Colby had developed so easily was just as much a surprise to his superiors as it had been to the two of them. But…that meant - without a doubt, she’d not been part of the plan. She’d been an unexpected surprise…and in that moment, finally - her heart opened and she truly listened.
Every thing…every single thing he had ever told her was right there in front of her. It had all been real. The only thing he’d lied about had been his assignment. Even that had not been a lie so much as an omission of the truth because he simply couldn’t tell her. Classified meant classified and anything he said about it could have been the undoing of all the work he’d put into it. She was not part of the plot. This hadn’t been a game. In actuality, she’d been the only thing in his life that hadn’t been official business for the US government. He’d been doing his job but he’d also shared as much of his life with her as he could. He had loved her all along and he’d given her everything - except that one piece of information…and she’d thrown it all away by not trusting him.
She leaned back in her chair again after she closed the file in front of her. She’d been wrong. She’d been so wrong…and she hated to be wrong. Now, any anger and pain she felt was replaced with shame. And yet, underneath it all…there was hope. Now she knew. She had her answers. Knowing the truth, she forced herself to admit what her selfish pride had kept her from admitting all along. This distance between them now…it wasn’t his fault. It was hers. And it was up to her to fix it…
She carefully tucked all the pieces of the file back together and stood, balancing herself for a moment against the way the room spun from all that she’d experienced and from the amount of time she had spent sitting. She took several deep breaths as she let her heart resolve with her mind what she needed to do and then she turned and made her way out of the room.
Don was waiting for her just outside the door. He was pacing back and forth, nervously checking his watch as was his habit. She could see the worry that was on his face. He was struggling with his decision and yet he was hopeful that it had been the right thing to do. Nearly as soon as he looked up to see her, the concern disappeared and relief washed over him. He saw what he needed to see, and she was glad for it even as she shared a look with him that let him know she had somewhere else she needed to be.
Neither said a word as she moved past him on her way out of the office.
She’d not taken very many steps before she turned, unable to keep her silence. “Don?”
He looked up when he heard his name, and he couldn’t fight the way he smiled as he waited expectantly for what she was about to say.
“I’ll…uh…I’ll call Emily and make sure she rewards you properly for this,” she said. Then she gave him a wink, and for the first time in over a month…she smiled at him, the gesture illuminating her entire face before she turned and headed for the elevator. [ original post]
<< Fixed, Part 3 Fixed, Part 5>>